"FrederickSmith!"
"Here,Mr。Sagittarius!"criedtheyounglibrarian,appearingwithsuspiciouscelerityupontheparlourthreshold。
"Drawthecorkofthesecondbottle,FrederickSmith,"saidMalkiel,impressively。"Thisgentlemanisabouttotakethepledge"——onhearingthisironicparadoxtheProphetstoodup,verymuchintheattitudeformerlyassumedbyMalkielwhenabouttododgeinthelibrary——"thatI
shallputtohim,"concludedMalkiel,alsostandingup,andassumingthelibrarypostureoftheProphet。
IndeedthesituationofthelibraryseemedabouttobeaccuratelyreversedintheparlourofJellybrand’s。
Theyounglibrarianassistedthecorktoemergephlegmaticallyfromtheneckofthesecondbottleofchampagne,mechanicallysmackinghislipsthewhile。
"Nowpour,andleaveus,FrederickSmith。"
Theyounglibrarianhelpedthefatigued—lookingwineintothetwoglasses,whereitlayasifthoroughlyexhaustedbytheeffortofgettingthere,andthenlanguidlylefttheparlour,turninghisbulgingheadoverhisshouldertoindulgeinapathetic/oeillade/erehevanished。
TheProphetwatchedhimgo。
"Closethedoor,FrederickSmith,"criedMalkiel,inameaningmanner。
TheProphetblushedaguiltyred,andtheyounglibrarianobeyedwithabang。
"Andnow,sir,Imustrequestyoutotakeasolemnpledgeinthisvintage,"saidMalkiel,placingoneofthetumblersintheProphet’stremblinghand。
"Really,"saidtheProphet,"Iamnotatallthirsty。"
"Whyshouldyoube,sir?Whathasthatgottodowithit?"retortedMalkiel。"Liftyourglass,sir。"
TheProphetobeyed。
"Andnowtakethispledge——that,tillthelastday——"
"Whatday?"
"Thelastday,sir,youwillrevealtonolivingpersonthatthereissuchanindividualasMalkiel,thatyouhaveevermethim,whoheis,orwhoMadameandfamilyare,unlessIgivetheword。Youhavesurprisedmysecret。Youhaveforcedyourselfuponme。Youowemethis。
Drink!"
MechanicallytheProphetdrank。
"Swear!"
Mechanically——indeedalmostlikeaBritishworkingman——theProphetswore。
Malkieldrainedhistumbler,anddrewonthedogskinglovewhich,intheagitationofapreviousmoment,hehadthrownaside。
"Ihaveyourcard,sir,hereismine。IshallnowtakethetraintotheRiverMouse,onwhosebanksIshallconferatoncewithMadame。TillI
havedonethisIcannottellyouwhatformthetestsIshallhavetoapplytoyouwilltake。WhenIhavedoneityouwillhearfromme。Yourservant,sir。"
Hebowedmajestically,andwasturningtowardsthedoorwhenitwashastilyopenedandaladyappearedfranticallyintheaperture。
CHAPTERV
MALKIELTHESECONDPOISONSMISSMINERVA
"MissMinerva!"exclaimedMalkieltheSecond。
"LadyEnid!"criedtheProphet,atthesamemoment。
"Youcan’tgointhere,MissPartridge!"ejaculatedtheyounglibrarian,simultaneously,fromthefurtherroom。
Thelady,atallgirloftwenty—two,withgreyeyes,darksmoothhair,andaveryagreeable,thoughslightlyScottish,mouth,begantobehaveratherlikeastagatbay。Shepanted,andlookedwildlyroundasifmeditatinghow,andinwhatdirection,shecouldbestbolt。
"What’sthematter?"criedtheProphet,hisvoicebecomingnotalittlepiercingfromsurpriseandhispreviousstressofagitation。
"Youcan’tgointhere,MissMinerva,"requestedtheyounglibrarian,whohadnowgainedtheparlourthreshold,andwhoseemedabouttotakeupaverydeterminedstandthereon。
"Imustgoin——Imust,"saidthelady,inamellow,butagainslightlyScottish,voice。"Don’ttellanybodyI’mhere,oryou’llbesorry。"
And,withthesewords,sheboundedintotheparlourandbangedthedoorontheyounglibrarian。TheProphetopenedhislipspreparatorytoathirdwildexclamation。
"Hush!"theladyhissedaristocratically。
Sheshookherheadvigourouslyathim,sankdownononeofthecanechairs,heldupherrighthand,andleanttowardsthedoor。Itwasobviousthatshewaslisteningforsomethingwithstrainedattention,andsoeloquentwasherattitudethatthetwoprophetswereinfectedwithherdesire。Theyturnedtheireyesmechanicallytowardsthedealdoorandlistenedtoo。Foramomenttherewassilence。Thenaheavyfootstepresoundeduponthelibraryfloor,accompaniedbythesharptapofawalkingstick。Thelady’sattitudebecamemoretenseandthepupilsofherhandsomegreyeyesdilated。
"Hasayoungfemalejustenteredthisshop?"saidaveryheavyandrumblingvoice。
"Thisain’tashop,sir,"repliedthehighsopranooftheyounglibrarian,indignantly。
"Bandynowordswithme,thouinfamousmalapert!"returnedthefirstvoice。"Butanswermyquestion。Haveyouayoungfemaleconcealedwithintheseloathsomeprecincts?"
UnderordinarycircumstancesitisverypossiblethattheyounglibrarianmighthavebetrayedtheladyashehadalreadybetrayedMalkieltheSecond。Butithappenedthatthereexistedupontheearthoneobject,andoneobjectonly,towardswhichhefeltasenseofchivalry。ThisobjectwasJellybrand’sLibrary。Hisreplytothevoicewasthereforeasfollows,andwasdeliveredinhishighestkeyandwithextremevolubilityandpassion:——
"Loathsomeprecinctsyourself!You’reaniceone,youare,chasingrespectableladiesaboutatyourage。Thereain’tnoyoungfemalesinthelibrary,andiftherewasIshouldn’ttrot’emoutforyoutoclapyouruglyoldeyeson。Nowthen,outyergo。Nomorewordsaboutit。
Outyergo!"
Aprolongedsoundofhardbreathingandoffeetscrapingviolentlyuponbareboardsfolloweduponthisdeliverance,complicatedbythesharpsnapofabreakingwalkingstick,thethumpofafallingchair,abangasofaheavybodyencounteringfirmresistancefromsomeinflexiblearticleoffurniture——probablyabookcase——andfinallyatremendousthundering,asofthehoofsofasquadronofcavalrychargingoveraparquetfloor,thecrashofadoor,thegrindingofakeyswiftlyturninginalock,and——silence。
Thelady,MalkieltheSecondandtheProphetlookedatoneanother,andtheladyopenedhermouth。
"D’youthinkhe’skilledhim?"shewhisperedwithconsiderablecuriosity。
Therecameadistantnoiseofatorrentofknocksuponadoor。
"No,hehasn’t,"addedthelady,arrangingherdress。"That’sagoodthing。"
Thetwoprophetsnodded。Thetorrentofknocksroaredlouder,slightlyfailedupontheear,madeacrescendo,emulatedNiagara,surpassedthatveryAmericaneffortofnature,wavered,falteredtoLodore,diedawaytoafeebletittuplikewaterdroppingfromataptoflagstones,roseagaininafinalspurtthatwouldhavemadeSoutheyopenhisdictionaryforadjectives,anddrainedawaytodeath。
Theladyleanedback。Forthefirsttimehercomposureseemedabouttodesertherentirely。Thatfatalsigninwoman,aworkingthroat,swallowingnothingwithextremerapidityandpersistence,becameapparent。
"Aglassofwine,MissMinerva?"criedMalkiel,gallantly。
Heplacedatumblertoherlips。Shefeeblysipped,thansprangtoherfeetwithacry。
"I’mpoisoned!"
"Youneverspokeatruerword,"saidtheProphet,solemnly。
"Whatisit?"continuedthelady,frantically。"Whathashegivenme?"
"Champagneatfourshillingsabottlebroughtfreshfromnextdoortoarabbitshop,"answeredtheProphet,lookingatMalkielwithalmostmalignantsatisfaction。
Thelady,whohadgonewhiteaschalk,dartedtothedoorandflungitopen。
"Aglassofwater!"shecried。"Getmeaglassofwater。"
Theyounglibrariancameforwardwithablackeye。
"It’sallright,ma’am。Thegentleman’sgone,"hepiped。
"Whatgentleman?GivemeaglassofwaterorIshalldie!"
Theyounglibrarian,whohadalreadyaninjuredair,proceededfromapositivetoacomparativeconditionofappearance。
"Well,Inever!Whatgentleman!"heexclaimed。"Andmeblueandblackallover,tosaynothingofthebookcaseandthenewpaintthat’llbewantedforthedoor!"
"Canyouchatterabouttriflesatsuchamoment?"criedtheProphet。
"Don’tyouseethelady’sbeenpoisoned?"
"What——bytheoldgent?"returnedtheyounglibrarian。"Thenwhatdoesshecometoalibraryfor?Whydon’tshegotoachemist?"
TheladyturnedheragonisedeyesupontheProphet。
"Takemetoone,"shewhisperedthroughpalelips。
Shetotteredtowardshimandleaneduponhisarm。
"Trustme,trustme,Iwill,"saidtheProphet。"Directme!"headdedtotheyounglibrarian。
"There’soneontheothersideoftherabbitshop,"saidthatworthy,whohadsuddenlybecomeexceedinglygluminmannerandmoroseinappearance。
"Thankyou。Kindlyunlockthedoor。"
Theyounglibrariandidso,lethargically,andtheladyandtheProphetbegantomoveslowlyintothestreet。JustastheyweregainingitMalkieltheSecondcriedout,——
"Onemoment,sir!"
"Notone,"retortedtheProphet,firmly。"Notonetillthisladyhashadanantidote。"
Hewalkedonwithdetermination。Supportingthelady。Buterehegotquiteoutofearshothecaughtthesefragmentsofashatteredspeech,hurtlingthroughthesymphonyofLondonnoises:——
"BanksoftheMouse——Madame——sakeofCapricor——besureI——probe——quick——search——theverycore——hearfromme——architects——marrow——almanac——thelastday——theBerkeleysquare——"
Thefinalejaculationmeltedawayintothesomewhatpowerfuldiscordproducedbytheimpactofabrewer’sdraywitharunawayomnibusatthecornerofGreekStreet,whichwaseventuallyresolvedbytheburstingofamotorcar——containingtwobookmakersandanactingmanager——whichmingledwiththemattherateofperhapsfortymilesanhour。
"Yes,please,ahansom,"saidLadyEnidThistle,somefiveminuteslater,assheandtheProphetstoodtogetheruponthekerbinfrontoftherabbitshop。"Ifeelmuchbetternow。"
TheProphethailedahansomandhandedherintoit。
"Whichwayareyougoing?"heasked。
LadyEnidlookeddoubtful。
"IoughttobegoingbacktoJellybrand’s,"shesaid。"Ihadanappointment。Butreally——youseeMr。Sagittariusisthere,andaltogether——Idon’tknow。"
Shewasobviouslystillupsetbythe"creamingfoam,"andtheotherincidentsoftheafternoon。
"Cometoteawithgrannie,"saidtheProphet。
"She’sathome?"
"Yes。She’stwistedherankle。"
"Oh,I’msosorry。"
"Letmeescortyou。"
"Thanks。IthinkIwill。"
"Youwon’tmindstoppingforamomentatHollings’s?"saidtheProphet,inPiccadillyCircus。"Ipromisedtobuysomeroses。Somebodyiscomingintotea。"
"On,no。Butwhoisit?"
"Idon’tknow。Onlyoneperson,Ithink。Anoldfriend,nodoubt。
ProbablytheCentralAmericanAmbassador’sgrandfather。"
"Oh,ifthat’sall!Ifeelalittleshakystill。"
"Naturally。"
TheProphetboughttherosesandtheydroveon。
"It’sveryniceofyounottoaskanyquestions,"observedLadyEnid,presently。
TheProphethadbeenthinkingitwas,butheonlysaid,——
"Oh,notatall。"
"I’mawoman,"promisedLadyEnid,"andIdon’tknowwhetherIcanbesonice。"
TheProphetglancedatherandmethercuriousgreyeyes。
"Try——please,"herepliedverygently,thinkingoftheoathwhichhehadjusttaken。
LadyEnidwassilentfortwominutes,thensheremarked,——
"Ihavetried,butIcan’tsucceed。Whyonearthwereyouclosetedintheparlour——atmytime,too——withMr。Sagittariusthisafternoon?"
"ThenyoureallyareMissMinervaPartridge?Anditwasreallyyouwhohad——had——well,’bespoke’theparlourathalf—pastthree?"
"Certainly。Nowweareneitherofusnice,butwe’rebothofushuman。"
"Thereweresomelettersforyou,"saidtheProphet。
LadyEnidwrinkledhersmooth,young,healthy—lookingforehead。
"Howstupidofme!I’llfetchthemto—morrow。Well?"
ShelookedattheProphetwithobviousexpectation。
"I’msosorryIcan’ttellyou,"herepliedwithgentlefirmness。
"Oh,allright,"sherejoined。"ButnowI’matadisadvantage。YouknowI’mMissMinerva。"
"Yes。ButIdon’tknowwhyyouare,orwhyyougotoJellybrand’s,orwhyyourushedintotheparlour,orwhotheoldgentlemanwasthat——"
ThecabstoppedbeforeMrs。Merillia’shouse。
Inthehall,uponanoakenbench,theyperceivedaverybroad—brimmedtophatstandingonitshead。Besideitlaytwopiecesofastoutandknobblywalkingstickwhichhadbeenbrokeninhalf。LadyEnidstartedviolently。
"GoodHeavens!"shecried。
Shepickedupthewalkingstick,examinedit,andlaiditdown。
"Idon’tthinkIwantanytea,"shemurmured。
"I’msureyoudo,"saidtheProphet,withsomepressure。
Shestoodstillforamoment。Then,catchingtheattentiveroundeyeofGustavus,whowaswaitingbythehalldoor,sheshruggedhershouldersandwalkedtowardsthestaircase。
"It’sveryhardlines,"shemurmuredasshebegantoascend:"allthequestionsyouwantedtoaskarebeinganswered。YouknowI’mMissMinervaalready。Inanotherminuteyou’llknowwhotheoldgentlemanwasthat——"
TheProphetcouldtellfromtheexpressionofherstraight,slightlyScottish,backthatshewaspoutingassheenteredthedrawing—roomwhereMrs。Merilliawashavingteawith——somebody。
CHAPTERVI
THEOLDASTRONOMERDISCOURSETHOFTHESTARS
NeverbeforehadtheProphetfeltsoalivewithcuriosityashedidwhenhefollowedLadyEnidintoMrs。Merillia’spresence,forheknewthathewasabouttoseethevenerablevictimoftheyounglibrarian’sindignantchivalry,the"oldgent"whohadcometointimatetermswithJellybrand’sbookcase,andwhohadkickedandknockedatleastapintofpaintoffJellybrand’sdoor。Hiseyeswerelargeandstaringasheglancedswiftlyfromhisgrandmother’ssofatothehugetelescope,underwhoseveryshadowwasseatednolessapersonagethanSirTiglathButt,holdingacupofteaononehandandalarge—sizedmuffinintheother。
NowondertheProphetjumped。NowonderMrs。Merilliacriedout,inherpretty,clearvoice,——
"TakecareofBeau,Hennessey!You’retreadingonhim。"
Thedachshund’spatheticshriekofoutragemadetheraftersring。Mrs。
Merilliaputhermittenstoherears,andSirTiglathdroppedhismuffinintoajarofpot—pourri。
"Ibegyourpardon,"saidtheProphet,earnestly。"SirTiglath——thisisindeedasur——apleasure。"
LadyEnidwasbeingembracedbyMrs。Merillia。TheProphetextendedhishandtotheastronomer,who,however,turnedhisbacktothecompanyand,divingoneofhisenormoushandsintothepot—pourrijar,begantorummageviolentlyforhisvanishedmeal。
"Whatisit?"saidtheProphet,whohadnotseenthemuffingo。"CanI
helpyou?"
Stillpresentinghishugebackandthepurplenapeofhisfatnecktotheassemblage,theastronomer,aftertryinginvaintoextractthelostdaintyinalegitimatemanner,turnedthejarupsidedown,andpouredtherose—leavesandthemuffininaheterogeneouslibationupontheChippendaletable。Afteracloseexaminationofitheturnedaround,holdingupthefoodtowhosebutteredsurfaceseveralleavesadheredinadisordered,butdetermined,manner。
"OnlyaPersiancoulddevourthismuffinnow,"hesaid,inhisrumbling,sing—songandstrangelytheatricalvoice,whichalwayssuggestedthathewasabouttodeliveracoupleofhundredorsolengthsofblankverse。"Omarbeneathhistreeperchance,orGurustuwhotoBaghdadcamewithsteeda—foamandeyesa—flame。Whereforedoyoutrampleuponhaplessanimalsthatarenotdumb,youngman,andcausethepoorastronomertocasthismuffinupontheroses,where,mayhap,thehousemaidmightfinditaftermanydays?Oh—h—h—h!"
Heutteredatremulousbasscryofmingledreproachanddespair,thatsoundedratherlikethewailofsomedeplorablewatchmanuponacitywall,shakinghisenormousheadattheProphetthewhile,andflappinghisredhandsslowlyintheair。
"Howd’youdo,SirTiglath?"saidLadyEnid,cominguptohimwithlightcarelessness。
SirTiglathbowed。
"Veryill,veryill,"herumbled,lookingatherfurtivelywithhisglassyeyes。"Onehashadanafternoonoftragedy,anafternoonofbrawlingandofdisturbance,inanavenuethatshallhenceforthbecalledaccursed。"
Hesatdownuponhisarmchair,withhisshortlegsstuckstraightoutandrestinguponhisheelsalone,hishandsfoldedacrosshisstomach,andhispurpletriplechinsunkinhiselaborate,butverydusty,cravat。Wagginghisheadtoandfro,headded,withtheheavy,concludingtremolothatdecoratedmostofhisvocalefforts,"Thriceaccursed。Oh—h—h—h!"
LadyEnid,whoseemedtohavequiterecoveredherself—possession,satdownbyMrs。Merillia,whiletheProphet,insomeconfusion,offeredtohisgrandmotherthebunchofroseshehadboughtatHollings’s。"
"They’realittlelate,grannie,I’mafraid,"hesaid。"ButIwasunavoidablydetained。"
Mrs。Merilliaglancedathimsharply。
"Detained,Hennessey!Thenyoufoundwhatyouwereseeking?"
TheProphetrememberedhisoathandturnedscarlet。
"No,no,grannie,"hemurmuredhastily,andlookinglikeacriminal。"I
metLadyEnid,"headded。
"Wheredidyoumeetthelady,youngman?"saidSirTiglath。"Wasitintheaccursedavenue?"
LadyEnidshotahastyglanceofwarningattheProphet。Mrs。Merilliainterceptedit,andbegantoformfreshideasofthatyoungperson,whomshehadformerlycalledsensible,butwhomshenowbegantothinkofascrafty。
"Whichavenueisthat,SirTiglath?"askedtheProphet,witharatherinadequateassumptionofinnocence。
"TheAvenueinwhichonebeholdstheperfidydartingintohiddenplaces,youngman,inwhichthedefendersoffoolishvirginsarebuffetedandbrowbeatenbycounter—jumperswithcraniumsasbigasthegreatnebulaofOrion。Theavenuenamedafteracrumbledphilanthropist,whocouldwalk,sheeted,throughtheatrociousnightcouldhissacreddustawaketotheabominationsthatareperpetratedundertheprotectionofhisshadow。LetdragonslayitwastelikethehighwaysofBabylon。"
Hegatheredupacrumpet,andblinkedatLadyEnid,whowasairilysippingherteawithaslightlydetachedairofcalmandmaidenlydignity。
"IthinkSirTiglathmustbedescribingShaftesburyAvenue,"remarkedMrs。Merillia,rathermischievously。
"Oh,really,"stammeredtheProphet,"Ihadnoideathatitwassuchanevilneighbourhood。"
"WhereisShaftesburyAvenue?"askedLadyEnid,gentlyfoldingafragmentofthinbreadandbutterandnibblingitwithherprettymouth。
SirTiglathelevatedhishandsandrolledhiseyes。
"WherepartridgesaretobefoundinJanuary,oh—h—h—h!"washisveryunexpectedreply。
TheProphetstartedviolently,andevenLadyEnidlookeddisconcertedforamoment。
"Whatdoyoumean,SirTiglath?"shesaid,recoveringherself。
SheturnedtoMrs。Merillia。
"Iwonderwhathemeans,"shesaid。"Henevertalkssensiblyunlessheisinhisobservatory,orlecturingtotheRoyalSocietyonthe’RegularityofHeavenlyBodies,’or——"
"Theirregularitiesofearthlyones,"interposedSirTiglath。"Intheaccursedavenue——oh—h—h!"
"Ifear,SirTiglath,youmustbeamemberoftheVigilanceSociety,"
saidMrs。Merillia。
"Yes。Helooksatthemoralsofthestarsthroughhistelescope,saidLadyEnid。"Bytheway——doyou,too?"sheaddedtotheProphet,forthefirsttimeobservingtheinstrumentinthebowwindow。
Mrs。MerilliaandSirTiglathexchangedaglance。AnearnestexpressioncameintotheProphet’sface。
"Iconfess,"hesaid,withbecomingmodestyinthepresenceofthegreatmasterofmodernastronomy,"thatIdowatchtheheavensfromthatwindow。"
"Andforwhatpurpose,youngman?"rumbledSirTiglath,forthefirsttimedroppinghistheatricalmannerofanoldbarn—stormer,andspeakinglikeanyordinaryfogey,suchasyoumayseeatameetingonbehalfoftheNorthPole,oratadinneroftheOddeVolumes。
"For——forpurposesofresearch,SirTiglath,"answeredtheProphet,withsomediplomacy。
"Theyoungmantriethtoputofftheoldastronomerwithfairwords,"
bellowedSirTiglath。"Thethiefinsertethhisthumbintothetailpocketoftheunobservantarchbishopforpurposesofresearch。Theyoungmanplayethmerrilyforsoothwiththeoldastronomer。"
Mrs。Merillianoddedherlacecapathimencouragingly。Itwasevidentthattherewasanunderstandingbetweenthem。LadyEnidbegantowonderwhatwasitsnature。TheProphetseemedratherdisconcertedatthereceptiongiventohisnotwhollyartlessambiguity。
"Grannie,"hesaid,turningtoMrs。Merillia,"youknowhowdeeplythestarsinterestme。"
"Fortheirownsake,youngman?"saidSirTiglath。"Orastheaccursedavenueintereststhefoolishvirgins——forthesakeoffrivolity,idlecuriosity,ordarkdoingswhichcouldnotsupportthelightevenofastarofthesixthmagnitude?Canyoutellyouradmirableandreveredgranddamthat?"
Thistime,underneathhispreposterousmannerandfantasticspeech,bothLadyEnidandtheProphetfanciedthattheycoulddetectanelementofrealgravity,evenperhapsahintofweightycensurewhichmadethembothfeelveryyoung——risingtwo,orthereabouts。
"Iwasoriginallyledtostudystars,SirTiglath,becauseIhadthehonourtomeetyouandmakeyouracquaintance,"saidtheProphet,valiantly。
Theastronomerlapsedatonceintohisfirstmanner。
"Inwhatfaircompanydidtheoldastronomerconversewiththeyoungman?"hecried。"Hismemoryfailethhim。Hedotethandcannotrecallthegreatoccasion。"
"ItwasattheColleyCibberClub,SirTiglath,"saidtheProphet,firmly。"Butwe——wedidnotconverse。Youhada——aslightindisposition。"
"Wouldyouventuretoimply——inthepresenceofyournotablegranddam——
thatonehadlookeduponthewinewhenitwasred,youngman?"
"Youhadaglassofportbyyoucertainly,SirTiglath。Butyoualsohadacoldwhich,yougavemetounderstand——bysigns——hadaffectedyourthroatandpreventedyoufromcarryingonconversation。
"Thenwasitthevisionoftheoldastronomer’spersonalandstarrybeautythatledyou,hotfoot,toVenusthroughyondertelescope?
Oh—h—h—h!"