"LepointdujourCauseparfois,causedouleurextreme;
Quel’espacedesnuitsestcourtPourlebergerbrulantd’amour,Forcedequittercequ’ilaimeAupointdujour!"
ItwasbitterlyplaintoEustaciathathedidnotcaremuchaboutsocialfailure;andtheproudfairwomanbowedherheadandweptinsickdespairatthoughtoftheblastingeffectuponherownlifeofthatmoodandconditioninhim。
Thenshecameforward。
"Iwouldstarveratherthandoit!"sheexclaimedvehemently。
"Andyoucansing!Iwillgoandlivewithmygrandfatheragain!"
"Eustacia!Ididnotseeyou,thoughInoticedsomethingmoving,"hesaidgently。Hecameforward,pulledoffhishugeleatherglove,andtookherhand。
"Whydoyouspeakinsuchastrangeway?ItisonlyalittleoldsongwhichstruckmyfancywhenIwasinParis,andnowjustappliestomylifewithyou。Hasyourloveformealldied,then,becausemyappearanceisnolongerthatofafinegentleman?"
"Dearest,youmustnotquestionmeunpleasantly,oritmaymakemenotloveyou。"
"DoyoubelieveitpossiblethatIwouldruntheriskofdoingthat?"
"Well,youfollowoutyourownideas,andwon’tgiveintominewhenIwishyoutoleaveoffthisshamefullabour。Isthereanythingyoudislikeinmethatyouactsocontrarilytomywishes?Iamyourwife,andwhywillyounotlisten?Yes,Iamyourwifeindeed!"
"Iknowwhatthattonemeans。"
"Whattone?"
"Thetoneinwhichyousaid,’Yourwifeindeed。’Itmeant,’Yourwife,worseluck。’"
"Itishardinyoutoprobemewiththatremark。
Awomanmayhavereason,thoughsheisnotwithoutheart,andifIfelt’worseluck,’itwasnoignoblefeeling——
itwasonlytoonatural。There,youseethatatanyrateIdonotattemptuntruths。Doyourememberhow,beforeweweremarried,IwarnedyouthatIhadnotgoodwifelyqualities?"
"Youmockmetosaythatnow。Onthatpointatleasttheonlynoblecoursewouldbetoholdyourtongue,foryouarestillqueenofme,Eustacia,thoughImaynolongerbekingofyou。"
"Youaremyhusband。Doesnotthatcontentyou?"
"Notunlessyouaremywifewithoutregret。"
"Icannotansweryou。IremembersayingthatIshouldbeaseriousmatteronyourhands。"
"Yes,Isawthat。"
"Thenyouweretooquicktosee!Notrueloverwouldhaveseenanysuchthing;youaretoosevereuponme,Clym——Iwon’tlikeyourspeakingsoatall。"
"Well,Imarriedyouinspiteofit,anddon’tregretdoingso。Howcoldyouseemthisafternoon!andyetI
usedtothinkthereneverwasawarmerheartthanyours。"
"Yes,Ifearwearecooling——Iseeitaswellasyou,"
shesighedmournfully。"Andhowmadlywelovedtwomonthsago!Youwerenevertiredofcontemplatingme,norI
ofcontemplatingyou。Whocouldhavethoughtthenthatbythistimemyeyeswouldnotseemsoverybrighttoyours,noryourlipssoverysweettomine?Twomonths——isitpossible?Yes,’tistootrue!"
"Yousigh,dear,asifyouweresorryforit;andthat’sahopefulsign。"
"No。Idon’tsighforthat。Thereareotherthingsformetosighfor,oranyotherwomaninmyplace。"
"Thatyourchancesinlifeareruinedbymarryinginhasteanunfortunateman?"
"Whywillyouforceme,Clym,tosaybitterthings?I
deservepityasmuchasyou。Asmuch?——IthinkIdeserveitmore。Foryoucansing!Itwouldbeastrangehourwhichshouldcatchmesingingundersuchacloudasthis!
Believeme,sweet,Icouldweeptoadegreethatwouldastonishandconfoundsuchanelasticmindasyours。
Evenhadyoufeltcarelessaboutyourownaffliction,youmighthaverefrainedfromsingingoutofsheerpityformine。God!ifIwereamaninsuchapositionIwouldcurseratherthansing。"
Yeobrightplacedhishanduponherarm。"Now,don’tyousuppose,myinexperiencedgirl,thatIcannotrebel,inhighPrometheanfashion,againstthegodsandfateaswellasyou。Ihavefeltmoresteamandsmokeofthatsortthanyouhaveeverheardof。ButthemoreI
seeoflifethemoredoIperceivethatthereisnothingparticularlygreatinitsgreatestwalks,andthereforenothingparticularlysmallinmineoffurze—cutting。
IfIfeelthatthegreatestblessingsvouchsafedtousarenotveryvaluable,howcanIfeelittobeanygreathardshipwhentheyaretakenaway?SoIsingtopassthetime。Haveyouindeedlostalltendernessforme,thatyoubegrudgemeafewcheerfulmoments?"
"Ihavestillsometendernessleftforyou。"
"Yourwordshavenolongertheiroldflavour。Andsolovedieswithgoodfortune!"
"Icannotlistentothis,Clym——itwillendbitterly,"
shesaidinabrokenvoice。"Iwillgohome。"
3—SheGoesOuttoBattleagainstDepressionAfewdayslater,beforethemonthofAugusthasexpired,EustaciaandYeobrightsattogetherattheirearlydinner。
Eustacia’smannerhadbecomeoflatealmostapathetic。
Therewasaforlornlookaboutherbeautifuleyeswhich,whethershedeserveditornot,wouldhaveexcitedpityinthebreastofanyonewhohadknownherduringthefullflushofherloveforClym。Thefeelingsofhusbandandwifevaried,insomemeasure,inverselywiththeirpositions。Clym,theafflictedman,wascheerful;
andheeventriedtocomforther,whohadneverfeltamomentofphysicalsufferinginherwholelife。
"Come,brightenup,dearest;weshallbeallrightagain。
SomedayperhapsIshallseeaswellasever。
AndIsolemnlypromisethatI’llleaveoffcuttingfurzeassoonasIhavethepowertodoanythingbetter。
Youcannotseriouslywishmetostayidlingathomeallday?"
"Butitissodreadful——afurze—cutter!andyouamanwhohavelivedabouttheworld,andspeakFrench,andGerman,andwhoarefitforwhatissomuchbetterthanthis。"
"IsupposewhenyoufirstsawmeandheardaboutmeI
waswrappedinasortofgoldenhalotoyoureyes——amanwhoknewgloriousthings,andhadmixedinbrilliantscenes——inshort,anadorable,delightful,distractinghero?"
"Yes,"shesaid,sobbing。
"AndnowIamapoorfellowinbrownleather。"
"Don’ttauntme。Butenoughofthis。Iwillnotbedepressedanymore。Iamgoingfromhomethisafternoon,unlessyougreatlyobject。Thereistobeavillagepicnic——agipsying,theycallit——atEastEgdon,andI
shallgo。"
"Todance?"
"Whynot?Youcansing。"
"Well,well,asyouwill。MustIcometofetchyou?"
"Ifyoureturnsoonenoughfromyourwork。Butdonotinconvenienceyourselfaboutit。Iknowthewayhome,andtheheathhasnoterrorforme。"
"Andcanyouclingtogaietysoeagerlyastowalkallthewaytoavillagefestivalinsearchofit?"
"Now,youdon’tlikemygoingalone!Clym,youarenotjealous?"
"No。ButIwouldcomewithyouifitcouldgiveyouanypleasure;though,asthingsstand,perhapsyouhavetoomuchofmealready。Still,Isomehowwishthatyoudidnotwanttogo。Yes,perhapsIamjealous;
andwhocouldbejealouswithmorereasonthanI,ahalf—blindman,oversuchawomanasyou?"
"Don’tthinklikeit。Letmego,anddon’ttakeallmyspiritsaway!"
"Iwouldratherloseallmyown,mysweetwife。Goanddowhateveryoulike。Whocanforbidyourindulgenceinanywhim?Youhaveallmyheartyet,Ibelieve;
andbecauseyoubearwithme,whoamintruthadraguponyou,Ioweyouthanks。Yes,goaloneandshine。
Asforme,Iwillsticktomydoom。Atthatkindofmeetingpeoplewouldshunme。MyhookandglovesareliketheSt。Lazarusrattleoftheleper,warningtheworldtogetoutofthewayofasightthatwouldsaddenthem。"
Hekissedher,putonhisleggings,andwentout。
Whenhewasgonesherestedherheaduponherhandsandsaidtoherself,"Twowastedlives——hisandmine。
AndIamcometothis!Willitdrivemeoutofmymind?"
Shecastaboutforanypossiblecoursewhichofferedtheleastimprovementontheexistingstateofthings,andcouldfindnone。SheimaginedhowallthoseBudmouthoneswhoshouldlearnwhathadbecomeofherwouldsay,"Lookatthegirlforwhomnobodywasgoodenough!"
ToEustaciathesituationseemedsuchamockeryofherhopesthatdeathappearedtheonlydoorofreliefifthesatireofHeavenshouldgomuchfurther。
Suddenlyshearousedherselfandexclaimed,"ButI’llshakeitoff。Yes,IWILLshakeitoff!Nooneshallknowmysuffering。I’llbebitterlymerry,andironicallygay,andI’lllaughinderision。AndI’llbeginbygoingtothisdanceonthegreen。"
Sheascendedtoherbedroomanddressedherselfwithscrupulouscare。Toanonlookerherbeautywouldhavemadeherfeelingsalmostseemreasonable。ThegloomycornerintowhichaccidentasmuchasindiscretionhadbroughtthiswomanmighthaveledevenamoderatepartisantofeelthatshehadcogentreasonsforaskingtheSupremePowerbywhatrightabeingofsuchexquisitefinishhadbeenplacedincircumstancescalculatedtomakeofhercharmsacurseratherthanablessing。
Itwasfiveintheafternoonwhenshecameoutfromthehousereadyforherwalk。Therewasmaterialenoughinthepicturefortwentynewconquests。Therebellioussadnessthatwasrathertooapparentwhenshesatindoorswithoutabonnetwascloakedandsoftenedbyheroutdoorattire,whichalwayshadasortofnebulousnessaboutit,devoidofharshedgesanywhere;sothatherfacelookedfromitsenvironmentasfromacloud,withnonoticeablelinesofdemarcationbetweenfleshandclothes。Theheatofthedayhadscarcelydeclinedasyet,andshewentalongthesunnyhillsataleisurelypace,therebeingampletimeforheridleexpedition。Tallfernsburiedherintheirleafagewheneverherpathlaythroughthem,whichnowformedminiatureforests,thoughnotonestemofthemwouldremaintobudthenextyear。
Thesitechosenforthevillagefestivitywasoneofthelawnlikeoaseswhichwereoccasionally,yetnotoften,metwithontheplateauxoftheheathdistrict。Thebrakesoffurzeandfernterminatedabruptlyroundthemargin,andthegrasswasunbroken。Agreencattletrackskirtedthespot,without,however,emergingfromthescreenoffern,andthispathEustaciafollowed,inordertoreconnoitrethegroupbeforejoiningit。ThelustynotesoftheEastEgdonbandhaddirectedherunerringly,andshenowbeheldthemusiciansthemselves,sittinginabluewagonwithredwheelsscrubbedasbrightasnew,andarchedwithsticks,towhichboughsandflowersweretied。
Infrontofthiswasthegrandcentraldanceoffifteenortwentycouples,flankedbyminordancesofinferiorindividualswhosegyrationswerenotalwaysinstrictkeepingwiththetune。
Theyoungmenworeblueandwhiterosettes,andwithaflushontheirfacesfootedittothegirls,who,withtheexcitementandtheexercise,blusheddeeperthanthepinkoftheirnumerousribbons。Faironeswithlongcurls,faironeswithshortcurls,faironeswithlovelocks,faironeswithbraids,flewroundandround;andabeholdermightwellhavewonderedhowsuchaprepossessingsetofyoungwomenoflikesize,age,anddisposition,couldhavebeencollectedtogetherwheretherewereonlyoneortwovillagestochoosefrom。Inthebackgroundwasonehappymandancingbyhimself,withclosedeyes,totallyobliviousofalltherest。Afirewasburningunderapollardthornafewpacesoff,overwhichthreekettleshunginarow。Hardbywasatablewhereelderlydamespreparedtea,butEustacialookedamongtheminvainforthecattle—dealer’swifewhohadsuggestedthatsheshouldcome,andhadpromisedtoobtainacourteouswelcomeforher。
ThisunexpectedabsenceoftheonlylocalresidentwhomEustaciaknewconsiderablydamagedherschemeforanafternoonofrecklessgaiety。Joininginbecameamatterofdifficulty,notwithstandingthat,wereshetoadvance,cheerfuldameswouldcomeforwardwithcupsofteaandmakemuchofherasastrangerofsuperiorgraceandknowledgetothemselves。Havingwatchedthecompanythroughthefiguresoftwodances,shedecidedtowalkalittlefurther,toacottagewhereshemightgetsomerefreshment,andthenreturnhomewardintheshadytimeofevening。
Thisshedid,andbythetimethatsheretracedherstepstowardsthesceneofthegipsying,whichitwasnecessarytorepassonherwaytoAlderworth,thesunwasgoingdown。
Theairwasnowsostillthatshecouldhearthebandafaroff,anditseemedtobeplayingwithmorespirit,ifthatwerepossible,thanwhenshehadcomeaway。
Onreachingthehillthesunhadquitedisappeared;
butthismadelittledifferenceeithertoEustaciaortotherevellers,foraroundyellowmoonwasrisingbeforeher,thoughitsrayshadnotyetoutmasteredthosefromthewest。Thedancewasgoingonjustthesame,butstrangershadarrivedandformedaringaroundthefigure,sothatEustaciacouldstandamongthesewithoutachanceofbeingrecognized。
Awholevillage—fullofsensuousemotion,scatteredabroadalltheyearlong,surgedhereinafocusforanhour。
Thefortyheartsofthosewavingcoupleswerebeatingastheyhadnotdonesince,twelvemonthsbefore,theyhadcometogetherinsimilarjollity。Forthetimepaganismwasrevivedintheirhearts,theprideoflifewasallinall,andtheyadorednoneotherthanthemselves。
Howmanyofthoseimpassionedbuttemporaryembracesweredestinedtobecomeperpetualwaspossiblythewonderofsomeofthosewhoindulgedinthem,aswellasofEustaciawholookedon。Shebegantoenvythosepirouetters,tohungerforthehopeandhappinesswhichthefascinationofthedanceseemedtoengenderwithinthem。
Desperatelyfondofdancingherself,oneofEustacia’sexpectationsofParishadbeentheopportunityitmightaffordherofindulgenceinthisfavouritepastime。
Unhappily,thatexpectationwasnowextinctwithinherforever。
Whilstsheabstractedlywatchedthemspinningandfluctuatingintheincreasingmoonlightshesuddenlyheardhernamewhisperedbyavoiceoverhershoulder。
Turninginsurprise,shebeheldatherelbowonewhosepresenceinstantlycausedhertoflushtothetemples。
ItwasWildeve。Tillthismomenthehadnotmethereyesincethemorningofhismarriage,whenshehadbeenloiteringinthechurch,andhadstartledhimbyliftingherveilandcomingforwardtosigntheregisteraswitness。
Yetwhythesightofhimshouldhaveinstigatedthatsuddenrushofbloodshecouldnottell。
Beforeshecouldspeakhewhispered,"Doyoulikedancingasmuchasever?"
"IthinkIdo,"sherepliedinalowvoice。
"Willyoudancewithme?"
"Itwouldbeagreatchangeforme;butwillitnotseemstrange?"
"Whatstrangenesscantherebeinrelationsdancingtogether?"
"Ah——yes,relations。Perhapsnone。"
"Still,ifyoudon’tliketobeseen,pulldownyourveil;
thoughthereisnotmuchriskofbeingknownbythislight。
Lotsofstrangersarehere。"
Shedidashesuggested;andtheactwasatacitacknowledgmentthatsheacceptedhisoffer。
Wildevegaveherhisarmandtookherdownontheoutsideoftheringtothebottomofthedance,whichtheyentered。
Intwominutesmoretheywereinvolvedinthefigureandbeganworkingtheirwayupwardstothetop。
TilltheyhadadvancedhalfwaythitherEustaciawishedmorethanoncethatshehadnotyieldedtohisrequest;
fromthemiddletothetopshefeltthat,sinceshehadcomeouttoseekpleasure,shewasonlydoinganaturalthingtoobtainit。Fairlylaunchedintotheceaselessglidesandwhirlswhichtheirnewpositionastopcoupleopeneduptothem,Eustacia’spulsesbegantomovetooquicklyforlongruminationofanykind。
Throughthelengthoffive—and—twentycouplestheythreadedtheirgiddyway,andanewvitalityenteredherform。
Thepalerayofeveninglentafascinationtotheexperience。
Thereisacertaindegreeandtoneoflightwhichtendstodisturbtheequilibriumofthesenses,andtopromotedangerouslythetenderermoods;addedtomovement,itdrivestheemotionstorankness,thereasonbecomingsleepyandunperceivingininverseproportion;andthislightfellnowuponthesetwofromthediscofthemoon。
Allthedancinggirlsfeltthesymptoms,butEustaciamostofall。Thegrassundertheirfeetbecametroddenaway,andthehard,beatensurfaceofthesod,whenviewedaslanttowardsthemoonlight,shonelikeapolishedtable。
Theairbecamequitestill,theflagabovethewagonwhichheldthemusiciansclungtothepole,andtheplayersappearedonlyinoutlineagainstthesky;exceptwhenthecircularmouthsofthetrombone,ophicleide,andFrenchhorngleamedoutlikehugeeyesfromtheshadeoftheirfigures。
Theprettydressesofthemaidslosttheirsubtlerdaycoloursandshowedmoreorlessofamistywhite。
EustaciafloatedroundandroundonWildeve’sarm,herfaceraptandstatuesque;hersoulhadpassedawayfromandforgottenherfeatures,whichwereleftemptyandquiescent,astheyalwaysarewhenfeelinggoesbeyondtheirregister。
HownearshewastoWildeve!itwasterribletothinkof。
Shecouldfeelhisbreathing,andhe,ofcourse,couldfeelhers。Howbadlyshehadtreatedhim!yet,heretheyweretreadingonemeasure。Theenchantmentofthedancesurprisedher。Aclearlineofdifferencedividedlikeatangiblefenceherexperiencewithinthismazeofmotionfromherexperiencewithoutit。
Herbeginningtodancehadbeenlikeachangeofatmosphere;
outside,shehadbeensteepedinarcticfrigiditybycomparisonwiththetropicalsensationshere。
Shehadenteredthedancefromthetroubledhoursofherlatelifeasonemightenterabrilliantchamberafteranightwalkinawood。Wildevebyhimselfwouldhavebeenmerelyanagitation;Wildeveaddedtothedance,andthemoonlight,andthesecrecy,begantobeadelight。
Whetherhispersonalitysuppliedthegreaterpartofthissweetlycompoundedfeeling,orwhetherthedanceandthesceneweighedthemoretherein,wasanicepointuponwhichEustaciaherselfwasentirelyinacloud。
Peoplebegantosay"Whoarethey?"butnoinvidiousinquiriesweremade。HadEustaciamingledwiththeothergirlsintheirordinarydailywalksthecasewouldhavebeendifferent:hereshewasnotinconveniencedbyexcessiveinspection,forallwerewroughttotheirbrightestgracebytheoccasion。LiketheplanetMercurysurroundedbythelustreofsunset,herpermanentbrilliancypassedwithoutmuchnoticeinthetemporarygloryofthesituation。
AsforWildeve,hisfeelingsareeasytoguess。
Obstacleswerearipeningsuntohislove,andhewasatthismomentinadeliriumofexquisitemisery。
Toclaspashisforfiveminuteswhatwasanotherman’sthroughalltherestoftheyearwasakindofthingheofallmencouldappreciate。HehadlongsincebeguntosighagainforEustacia;indeed,itmaybeassertedthatsigningthemarriageregisterwithThomasinwasthenaturalsignaltohishearttoreturntoitsfirstquarters,andthattheextracomplicationofEustacia’smarriagewastheoneadditionrequiredtomakethatreturncompulsory。
Thus,fordifferentreasons,whatwastotherestanexhilaratingmovementwastothesetwoaridinguponthewhirlwind。
Thedancehadcomelikeanirresistibleattackuponwhateversenseofsocialordertherewasintheirminds,todrivethembackintooldpathswhichwerenowdoublyirregular。
Throughthreedancesinsuccessiontheyspuntheirway;
andthen,fatiguedwiththeincessantmotion,Eustaciaturnedtoquitthecircleinwhichshehadalreadyremainedtoolong。
Wildeveledhertoagrassymoundafewyardsdistant,whereshesatdown,herpartnerstandingbesideher。
Fromthetimethatheaddressedheratthebeginningofthedancetillnowtheyhadnotexchangedaword。
"Thedanceandthewalkinghavetiredyou?"hesaidtenderly。
"No;notgreatly。"
"Itisstrangethatweshouldhavemethereofallplaces,aftermissingeachothersolong。"
"Wehavemissedbecausewetriedtomiss,Isuppose。"
"Yes。Butyoubeganthatproceeding——bybreakingapromise。"
"Itisscarcelyworthwhiletotalkofthatnow。
Wehaveformedothertiessincethen——younolessthanI。"
"Iamsorrytohearthatyourhusbandisill。"
"Heisnotill——onlyincapacitated。"
"Yes——thatiswhatImean。Isincerelysympathizewithyouinyourtrouble。Fatehastreatedyoucruelly。"
Shewassilentawhile。"Haveyouheardthathehaschosentoworkasafurze—cutter?"shesaidinalow,mournfulvoice。
"Ithasbeenmentionedtome,"answeredWildevehesitatingly。
"ButIhardlybelievedit。"
"Itistrue。Whatdoyouthinkofmeasafurze—
cutter’swife?"
"Ithinkthesameaseverofyou,Eustacia。Nothingofthatsortcandegradeyou——youennobletheoccupationofyourhusband。"
"IwishIcouldfeelit。"
"IsthereanychanceofMr。Yeobrightgettingbetter?"
"Hethinksso。Idoubtit。"
"Iwasquitesurprisedtohearthathehadtakenacottage。
Ithought,incommonwithotherpeople,thathewouldhavetakenyouofftoahomeinParisimmediatelyafteryouhadmarriedhim。’Whatagay,brightfutureshehasbeforeher!’
Ithought。Hewill,Isuppose,returntherewithyou,ifhissightgetsstrongagain?"
Observingthatshedidnotreplyheregardedhermoreclosely。Shewasalmostweeping。Imagesofafuturenevertobeenjoyed,therevivedsenseofherbitterdisappointment,thepictureoftheneighbour’ssuspendedridiculewhichwasraisedbyWildeve’swords,hadbeentoomuchforproudEustacia’sequanimity。
Wildevecouldhardlycontrolhisowntooforwardfeelingswhenhesawhersilentperturbation。Butheaffectednottonoticethis,andshesoonrecoveredhercalmness。
"Youdonotintendtowalkhomebyyourself?"heasked。
"Oyes,"saidEustacia。"Whatcouldhurtmeonthisheath,whohavenothing?"
"BydivergingalittleIcanmakemywayhomethesameasyours。IshallbegladtokeepyoucompanyasfarasThroopeCorner。"SeeingthatEustaciasatoninhesitationheadded,"Perhapsyouthinkitunwisetobeseeninthesameroadwithmeaftertheeventsoflastsummer?"
"IndeedIthinknosuchthing,"shesaidhaughtily。
"IshallacceptwhosecompanyIchoose,forallthatmaybesaidbythemiserableinhabitantsofEgdon。"
"Thenletuswalkon——ifyouareready。Ournearestwayistowardsthathollybushwiththedarkshadowthatyouseedownthere。"
Eustaciaarose,andwalkedbesidehiminthedirectionsignified,brushingherwayoverthedampingheathandfern,andfollowedbythestrainsofthemerrymakers,whostillkeptupthedance。Themoonhadnowwaxedbrightandsilvery,buttheheathwasproofagainstsuchillumination,andtherewastobeobservedthestrikingsceneofadark,raylesstractofcountryunderanatmospherechargedfromitszenithtoitsextremitieswithwhitestlight。
Toaneyeabovethemtheirtwofaceswouldhaveappearedamidtheexpanseliketwopearlsonatableofebony。