Shewasengagedforthesecondcountrydance,butpromisedmethethird,andassuredme,withthemostagreeablefreedom,thatshewasveryfondofwaltzing."Itisthecustomhere,"shesaid,"forthepreviouspartnerstowaltztogether;butmypartnerisanindifferentwaltzer,andwillfeeldelightedifIsavehimthetrouble.Yourpartnerisnotallowedtowaltz,and,indeed,isequallyincapable:butIobservedduringthecountrydancethatyouwaltzwell;so,ifyouwillwaltzwithme,Ibegyouwouldproposeittomypartner,andIwillproposeittoyours."Weagreed,anditwasarrangedthatourpartnersshouldmutuallyentertaineachother.
　　Wesetoff,and,atfirst,delightedourselveswiththeusualgracefulmotionsofthearms.Withwhatgrace,withwhatease,shemoved!Whenthewaltzcommenced,andthedancerswhirledaroundeachotherinthegiddymaze,therewassomeconfusion,owingtotheincapacityofsomeofthedancers.Wejudiciouslyremainedstill,allowingtheotherstowearythemselves;and,whentheawkwarddancershadwithdrawn,wejoinedin,andkeptitupfamouslytogetherwithoneothercouple,——Andranandhispartner.NeverdidIdancemorelightly.
　　Ifeltmyselfmorethanmortal,holdingthisloveliestofcreaturesinmyarms,flying,withherasrapidlyasthewind,tillIlostsightofeveryotherobject;andOWilhelm,Ivowedatthatmoment,thatamaidenwhomIloved,orforwhomIfelttheslightestattachment,never,nevershouldwaltzwithanyoneelsebutwithme,ifIwenttoperditionforit!——youwillunderstandthis.
　　Wetookafewturnsintheroomtorecoverourbreath.Charlottesatdown,andfeltrefreshedbypartakingofsomeorangeswhichIhadhadsecured,——theonlyonesthathadbeenleft;butateveryslicewhich,frompoliteness,sheofferedtoherneighbours,Ifeltasthoughadaggerwentthroughmyheart.
　　Wewerethesecondcoupleinthethirdcountrydance.AsweweregoingdownandHeavenknowswithwhatecstasyIgazedatherarmsandeyes,beamingwiththesweetestfeelingofpureandgenuineenjoyment,wepassedaladywhomIhadnoticedforhercharmingexpressionofcountenance;althoughshewasnolongeryoung.ShelookedatCharlottewithasmile,then,holdingupherfingerinathreateningattitude,repeatedtwiceinaverysignificanttoneofvoicethenameof"Albert."
　　"WhoisAlbert,"saidItoCharlotte,"ifitisnotimpertinenttoask?"Shewasabouttoanswer,whenwewereobligedtoseparate,inordertoexecuteafigureinthedance;and,aswecrossedoveragaininfrontofeachother,Iperceivedshelookedsomewhatpensive."WhyneedIconcealitfromyou?"shesaid,asshegavemeherhandforthepromenade."Albertisaworthyman,towhomIamengaged."Now,therewasnothingnewtomeinthisforthegirlshadtoldmeofitontheway;butitwassofarnewthatIhadnotthoughtofitinconnectionwithherwhom,insoshortatime,Ihadlearnedtoprizesohighly.Enough,Ibecameconfused,gotoutinthefigure,andoccasionedgeneralconfusion;sothatitrequiredallCharlotte'spresenceofmindtosetmerightbypullingandpushingmeintomyproperplace.
　　Thedancewasnotyetfinishedwhenthelightningwhichhadforsometimebeenseeninthehorizon,andwhichIhadassertedtoproceedentirelyfromheat,grewmoreviolent;andthethunderwasheardabovethemusic.Whenanydistressorterrorsurprisesusinthemidstofouramusements,itnaturallymakesadeeperimpressionthanatothertimes,eitherbecausethecontrastmakesusmorekeenlysusceptible,orratherperhapsbecauseoursensesarethenmoreopentoimpressions,andtheshockisconsequentlystronger.TothiscauseImustascribethefrightandshrieksoftheladies.Onesagaciouslysatdowninacornerwithherbacktothewindow,andheldherfingerstoherears;asecondkneltdownbeforeher,andhidherfaceinherlap;athirdthrewherselfbetweenthem,andembracedhersisterwithathousandtears;someinsistedongoinghome;others,unconsciousoftheiractions,wantedsufficientpresenceofmindtorepresstheimpertinenceoftheiryoungpartners,whosoughttodirecttothemselvesthosesighswhichthelipsofouragitatedbeautiesintendedforheaven.Someofthegentlemenhadgonedown-stairstosmokeaquietcigar,andtherestofthecompanygladlyembracedahappysuggestionofthehostesstoretireintoanotherroomwhichwasprovidedwithshuttersandcurtains.Wehadhardlygotthere,whenCharlotteplacedthechairsinacircle;and,whenthecompanyhadsatdownincompliancewithherrequest,sheforthwithproposedaroundgame.
　　Inoticedsomeofthecompanypreparetheirmouthsanddrawthemselvesupattheprospectofsomeagreeableforfeit."Letusplayatcounting,"saidCharlotte."Now,payattention:Ishallgoroundthecirclefromrighttoleft;andeachpersonistocount,oneaftertheother,thenumberthatcomestohim,andmustcountfast;whoeverstopsormistakesistohaveaboxontheear,andsoon,tillwehavecountedathousand."Itwasdelightfultoseethefun.Shewentroundthecirclewithupraisedarm."One,"saidthefirst;"two,"thesecond;"three,"thethird;andsoon,tillCharlottewentfasterandfaster.Onemadeamistake,instantlyaboxontheear;and,amidthelaughterthatensued,cameanotherbox;andsoon,fasterandfaster.Imyselfcameinfortwo.Ifanciedtheywereharderthantherest,andfeltquitedelighted.Agenerallaughterandconfusionputanendtothegamelongbeforewehadcountedasfarasathousand.Thepartybrokeupintolittleseparateknots:thestormhadceased,andIfollowedCharlotteintotheballroom.Onthewayshesaid,"Thegamebanishedtheirfearsofthestorm."Icouldmakenoreply."Imyself,"shecontinued,"wasasmuchfrightenedasanyofthem;butbyaffectingcourage,tokeepupthespiritsoftheothers,Iforgotmyapprehensions."Wewenttothewindow.Itwasstillthunderingatadistance:asoftrainwaspouringdownoverthecountry,andfilledtheairarounduswithdeliciousodours.Charlotteleanedforwardonherarm;hereyeswanderedoverthescene;sheraisedthemtothesky,andthenturnedthemuponme;theyweremoistenedwithtears;sheplacedherhandonmineandsaid,"Klopstock!"atonceIrememberedthemagnificentodewhichwasinherthoughts:Ifeltoppressedwiththeweightofmysensations,andsankunderthem.ItwasmorethanIcouldbear.Ibentoverherhand,kisseditinastreamofdelicioustears,andagainlookeduptohereyes.DivineKlopstock!whydidstthounotseethyapotheosisinthoseeyes?Andthynamesooftenprofaned,wouldthatIneverhearditrepeated!
　　JUNE19.
　　InolongerrememberwhereIstoppedinmynarrative:IonlyknowitwastwointhemorningwhenIwenttobed;andifyouhadbeenwithme,thatImighthavetalkedinsteadofwritingtoyou,Ishould,inallprobability,havekeptyouuptilldaylight.
　　IthinkIhavenotyetrelatedwhathappenedaswerodehomefromtheball,norhaveItimetotellyounow.Itwasamostmagnificentsunrise:thewholecountrywasrefreshed,andtherainfelldropbydropfromthetreesintheforest.Ourcompanionswereasleep.CharlotteaskedmeifIdidnotwishtosleepalso,andbeggedofmenottomakeanyceremonyonheraccount.Lookingsteadfastlyather,Ianswered,"AslongasIseethoseeyesopen,thereisnofearofmyfallingasleep."Webothcontinuedawaketillwereachedherdoor.Themaidopeneditsoftly,andassuredher,inanswertoherinquiries,thatherfatherandthechildrenwerewell,andstillsleeping.Ileftheraskingpermissiontovisitherinthecourseoftheday.Sheconsented,andIwent,and,sincethattime,sun,moon,andstarsmaypursuetheircourse:Iknownotwhetheritisdayornight;thewholeworldisnothingtome.
　　JUNE21.
　　MydaysareashappyasthosereservedbyGodforhiselect;and,whateverbemyfatehereafter,IcanneversaythatIhavenottastedjoy,——thepurestjoyoflife.YouknowWalheim.Iamnowcompletelysettledthere.InthatspotIamonlyhalfaleaguefromCharlotte;andthereIenjoymyself,andtasteallthepleasurewhichcanfalltothelotofman.
　　LittledidIimagine,whenIselectedWalheimformypedestrianexcursions,thatallheavenlaysonearit.Howofteninmywanderingsfromthehillsideorfromthemeadowsacrosstheriver,haveIbeheldthishunting-lodge,whichnowcontainswithinitallthejoyofmyheart!
　　Ihaveoften,mydearWilhelm,reflectedontheeagernessmenfeeltowanderandmakenewdiscoveries,anduponthatsecretimpulsewhichafterwardinclinesthemtoreturntotheirnarrowcircle,conformtothelawsofcustom,andembarrassthemselvesnolongerwithwhatpassesaroundthem.
　　Itissostrangehow,whenIcameherefirst,andgazeduponthatlovelyvalleyfromthehillside,Ifeltcharmedwiththeentirescenesurroundingme.Thelittlewoodopposite——howdelightfultositunderitsshade!Howfinetheviewfromthatpointofrock!Then,thatdelightfulchainofhills,andtheexquisitevalleysattheirfeet!CouldIbutwanderandlosemyselfamongstthem!Iwent,andreturnedwithoutfindingwhatIwished.Distance,myfriend,islikefuturity.Adimvastnessisspreadbeforeoursouls:theperceptionsofourmindareasobscureasthoseofourvision;andwedesireearnestlytosurrenderupourwholebeing,thatitmaybefilledwiththecompleteandperfectblissofonegloriousemotion.Butalas!whenwehaveattainedourobject,whenthedistanttherebecomesthepresenthere,allischanged:weareaspoorandcircumscribedasever,andoursoulsstilllanguishforunattainablehappiness.
　　Sodoestherestlesstravellerpantforhisnativesoil,andfindinhisowncottage,inthearmsofhiswife,intheaffectionsofhischildren,andinthelabournecessaryfortheirsupport,thathappinesswhichhehadsoughtinvainthroughthewideworld.
　　When,inthemorningatsunrise,IgoouttoWalheim,andwithmyownhandsgatherinthegardenthepeasewhicharetoserveformydinner,whenIsitdowntoshellthem,andreadmyHomerduringtheintervals,andthen,selectingasaucepanfromthekitchen,fetchmyownbutter,putmymessonthefire,coveritup,andsitdowntostiritasoccasionrequires,IfiguretomyselftheillustrioussuitorsofPenelope,killing,dressing,andpreparingtheirownoxenandswine.Nothingfillsmewithamorepureandgenuinesenseofhappinessthanthosetraitsofpatriarchallifewhich,thankHeaven!Icanimitatewithoutaffectation.Happyisit,indeed,formethatmyheartiscapableoffeelingthesamesimpleandinnocentpleasureasthepeasantwhosetableiscoveredwithfoodofhisownrearing,andwhonotonlyenjoyshismeal,butrememberswithdelightthehappydaysandsunnymorningswhenheplantedit,thesofteveningswhenhewateredit,andthepleasureheexperiencedinwatchingitsdailygrowth.
　　JUNE29.
　　Thedaybeforeyesterday,thephysiciancamefromthetowntopayavisittothejudge.HefoundmeonthefloorplayingwithCharlotte'schildren.Someofthemwerescramblingoverme,andothersrompedwithme;and,asIcaughtandtickledthem,theymadeagreatnoise.Thedoctorisaformalsortofpersonage:headjuststheplaitsofhisruffles,andcontinuallysettleshisfrillwhilstheistalkingtoyou;andhethoughtmyconductbeneaththedignityofasensibleman.Icouldperceivethisbyhiscountenance.ButIdidnotsuffermyselftobedisturbed.Iallowedhimtocontinuehiswiseconversation,whilstIrebuiltthechildren'scardhousesforthemasfastastheythrewthemdown.Hewentaboutthetownafterward,complainingthatthejudge'schildrenwerespoiledenoughbefore,butthatnowWertherwascompletelyruiningthem.Yes,mydearWilhelm,nothingonthisearthaffectsmyheartsomuchaschildren.WhenIlookonattheirdoings;whenImarkinthelittlecreaturestheseedsofallthosevirtuesandqualitieswhichtheywillonedayfindsoindispensable;whenIbeholdintheobstinateallthefuturefirmnessandconstancyofanoblecharacter;inthecapricious,thatlevityandgaietyoftemperwhichwillcarrythemlightlyoverthedangersandtroublesoflife,theirwholenaturesimpleandunpolluted,——thenIcalltomindthegoldenwordsoftheGreatTeacherofmankind,"Unlessyebecomelikeoneofthese!"Andnow,myfriend,thesechildren,whoareourequals,whomweoughttoconsiderasourmodels,wetreatthemasthoughtheywereoursubjects.Theyareallowednowilloftheirown.Andhavewe,then,noneourselves?Whencecomesourexclusiveright?Isitbecauseweareolderandmoreexperienced?GreatGod!fromtheheightofthyheaventhoubeholdestgreatchildrenandlittlechildren,andnoothers;andthySonhaslongsincedeclaredwhichaffordtheegreatestpleasure.Buttheybelieveinhim,andhearhimnot,——that,too,isanoldstory;andtheytraintheirchildrenaftertheirownimage,etc.Adieu,Wilhelm:Iwillnotfurtherbewildermyselfwiththissubject.
　　JULY1.
　　TheconsolationCharlottecanbringtoaninvalidIexperiencefrommyownheart,whichsuffersmorefromherabsencethanmanyapoorcreaturelingeringonabedofsickness.Sheisgonetospendafewdaysinthetownwithaveryworthywoman,whoisgivenoverbythephysicians,andwishestohaveCharlottenearherinherlastmoments.IaccompaniedherlastweekonavisittotheVicarofS——,asmallvillageinthemountains,aboutaleaguehence.Wearrivedaboutfouro'clock:Charlottehadtakenherlittlesisterwithher.Whenweenteredthevicaragecourt,wefoundthegoodoldmansittingonabenchbeforethedoor,undertheshadeoftwolargewalnut-trees.AtthesightofCharlotteheseemedtogainnewlife,rose,forgothisstick,andventuredtowalktowardher.Sherantohim,andmadehimsitdownagain;then,placingherselfbyhisside,shegavehimanumberofmessagesfromherfather,andthencaughtuphisyoungestchild,adirty,uglylittlething,thejoyofhisoldage,andkissedit.Iwishyoucouldhavewitnessedherattentiontothisoldman,——howsheraisedhervoiceonaccountofhisdeafness;howshetoldhimofhealthyyoungpeople,whohadbeencarriedoffwhenitwasleastexpected;praisedthevirtuesofCarlsbad,andcommendedhisdeterminationtospendtheensuingsummerthere;andassuredhimthathelookedbetterandstrongerthanhedidwhenshesawhimlast.I,inthemeantime,paidattentiontohisgoodlady.Theoldmanseemedquiteinspirits;andasIcouldnothelpadmiringthebeautyofthewalnut-trees,whichformedsuchanagreeableshadeoverourheads,hebegan,thoughwithsomelittledifficulty,totellustheirhistory."Astotheoldest,"saidhe,"wedonotknowwhoplantedit,——somesayoneclergyman,andsomeanother:buttheyoungerone,therebehindus,isexactlytheageofmywife,fiftyyearsoldnextOctober;herfatherplanteditinthemorning,andintheeveningshecameintotheworld.Mywife'sfatherwasmypredecessorhere,andIcannottellyouhowfondhewasofthattree;anditisfullyasdeartome.Undertheshadeofthatverytree,uponalogofwood,mywifewasseatedknitting,whenI,apoorstudent,cameintothiscourtforthefirsttime,justsevenandtwentyyearsago."Charlotteinquiredforhisdaughter.HesaidshewasgonewithHerrSchmidttothemeadows,andwaswiththehaymakers.Theoldmanthenresumedhisstory,andtoldushowhispredecessorhadtakenafancytohim,ashadhisdaughterlikewise;andhowhehadbecomefirsthiscurate,andsubsequentlyhissuccessor.Hehadscarcelyfinishedhisstorywhenhisdaughterreturnedthroughthegarden,accompaniedbytheabove-mentionedHerrSchmidt.ShewelcomedCharlotteaffectionately,andIconfessIwasmuchtakenwithherappearance.Shewasalively-looking,good-humouredbrunette,quitecompetenttoamuseoneforashorttimeinthecountry.HerloverforsuchHerrSchmidtevidentlyappearedtobewasapolite,reservedpersonage,andwouldnotjoinourconversation,notwithstandingallCharlotte'sendeavourstodrawhimout.Iwasmuchannoyedatobserving,byhiscountenance,thathissilencedidnotarisefromwantoftalent,butfromcapriceandill-humour.Thissubsequentlybecameveryevident,whenwesetouttotakeawalk,andFredericajoiningCharlotte,withwhomIwastalking,theworthygentleman'sface,whichwasnaturallyrathersombre,becamesodarkandangrythatCharlottewasobligedtotouchmyarm,andremindmethatIwastalkingtoomuchtoFrederica.Nothingdistressesmemorethantoseementormenteachother;particularlywheninthefloweroftheirage,intheveryseasonofpleasure,theywastetheirfewshortdaysofsunshineinquarrelsanddisputes,andonlyperceivetheirerrorwhenitistoolatetorepairit.Thisthoughtdweltuponmymind;andintheevening,whenwereturnedtothevicar's,andweresittingroundthetablewithourbreadendmilk,theconversationturnedonthejoysandsorrowsoftheworld,Icouldnotresistthetemptationtoinveighbitterlyagainstill-humour."Weareapt,"saidI,"tocomplain,but-withverylittlecause,thatourhappydaysarefew,andourevildaysmany.IfourheartswerealwaysdisposedtoreceivethebenefitsHeavensendsus,weshouldacquirestrengthtosupportevilwhenitcomes.""But,"observedthevicar'swife,"wecannotalwayscommandourtempers,somuchdependsupontheconstitution:whenthebodysuffers,themindisillatease.""Iacknowledgethat,"Icontinued;"butwemustconsidersuchadispositioninthelightofadisease,andinquirewhetherthereisnoremedyforit.""Ishouldbegladtohearone,"saidCharlotte:"atleast,Ithinkverymuchdependsuponourselves;Iknowitissowithme.Whenanythingannoysme,anddisturbsmytemper,Ihastenintothegarden,humacoupleofcountrydances,anditisallrightwithmedirectly.""ThatiswhatImeant,"Ireplied;"ill-humourresemblesindolence:itisnaturaltous;butifoncewehavecouragetoexertourselves,wefindourworkrunfreshfromourhands,andweexperienceintheactivityfromwhichweshrankarealenjoyment."Fredericalistenedveryattentively:andtheyoungmanobjected,thatwewerenotmastersofourselves,andstilllesssoofourfeelings."Thequestionisaboutadisagreeablefeeling,"Iadded,"fromwhicheveryonewouldwillinglyescape,butnoneknowtheirownpowerwithouttrial.Invalidsaregladtoconsultphysicians,andsubmittothemostscrupulousregimen,themostnauseousmedicines,inordertorecovertheirhealth."Iobservedthatthegoodoldmaninclinedhishead,andexertedhimselftohearourdiscourse;soIraisedmyvoice,andaddressedmyselfdirectlytohim.Wepreachagainstagreatmanycrimes,"Iobserved,"butIneverrememberasermondeliveredagainstill-humour.""Thatmaydoverywellforyourtownclergymen,"saidhe:"countrypeopleareneverill-humoured;though,indeed,itmightbeuseful,occasionally,tomywifeforinstance,andthejudge."Wealllaughed,asdidhelikewiseverycordially,tillhefellintoafitofcoughing,whichinterruptedourconversationforatime.HerrSchmidtresumedthesubject."Youcallillhumouracrime,"heremarked,"butIthinkyouusetoostrongaterm.""Notatall,"Ireplied,"ifthatdeservesthenamewhichissopernicioustoourselvesandourneighbours.Isitnotenoughthatwewantthepowertomakeoneanotherhappy,mustwedepriveeachotherofthepleasurewhichwecanallmakeforourselves?Showmethemanwhohasthecouragetohidehisill-humour,whobearsthewholeburdenhimself,withoutdisturbingthepeaceofthosearoundhim.No:ill-humourarisesfromaninwardconsciousnessofourownwantofmerit,fromadiscontentwhicheveraccompaniesthatenvywhichfoolishvanityengenders.Weseepeoplehappy,whomwehavenotmadeso,andcannotendurethesight."Charlottelookedatmewithasmile;sheobservedtheemotionwithwhichIspoke:andatearintheeyesofFredericastimulatedmetoproceed."Woeuntothose,"Isaid,"whousetheirpoweroverahumanhearttodestroythesimplepleasuresitwouldnaturallyenjoy!Allthefavours,alltheattentions,intheworldcannotcompensateforthelossofthathappinesswhichacrueltyrannyhasdestroyed."MyheartwasfullasIspoke.Arecollectionofmanythingswhichhadhappenedpresseduponmymind,andfilledmyeyeswithtears."Weshoulddailyrepeattoourselves,"Iexclaimed,"thatweshouldnotinterferewithourfriends,unlesstoleavetheminpossessionoftheirownjoys,andincreasetheirhappinessbysharingitwiththem!Butwhentheirsoulsaretormentedbyaviolentpassion,ortheirheartsrentwithgrief,isitinyourpowertoaffordthemtheslightestconsolation?
　　"Andwhenthelastfatalmaladyseizesthebeingwhoseuntimelygraveyouhaveprepared,whenshelieslanguidandexhaustedbeforeyou,herdimeyesraisedtoheaven,andthedampofdeathuponherpallidbrow,thereyoustandatherbedsidelikeacondemnedcriminal,withthebitterfeelingthatyourwholefortunecouldnotsaveher;andtheagonisingthoughtwringsyou,thatallyoureffortsarepowerlesstoimpartevenamoment'sstrengthtothedepartingsoul,orquickenherwithatransitoryconsolation."
　　AtthesewordstheremembranceofasimilarsceneatwhichIhadbeenoncepresentfellwithfullforceuponmyheart.Iburiedmyfaceinmyhandkerchief,andhastenedfromtheroom,andwasonlyrecalledtomyrecollectionbyCharlotte'svoice,whoremindedmethatitwastimetoreturnhome.WithwhattendernessshechidmeonthewayforthetooeagerinterestItookineverything!Shedeclareditwoulddomeinjury,andthatIoughttosparemyself.Yes,myangel!Iwilldosoforyoursake.
　　JULY6.
　　Sheisstillwithherdyingfriend,andisstillthesamebright,beautifulcreaturewhosepresencesoftenspain,andshedshappinessaroundwhicheverwaysheturns.Shewentoutyesterdaywithherlittlesisters:Iknewit,andwenttomeetthem;andwewalkedtogether.Inaboutanhourandahalfwereturnedtothetown.WestoppedatthespringIamsofondof,andwhichisnowathousandtimesdearertomethanever.Charlotteseatedherselfuponthelowwall,andwegatheredabouther.Ilookedaround,andrecalledthetimewhenmyheartwasunoccupiedandfree."Dearfountain!"Isaid,"sincethattimeIhavenomorecometoenjoycoolreposebythyfreshstream:Ihavepassedtheewithcarelesssteps,andscarcelybestowedaglanceuponthee."Ilookeddown,andobservedCharlotte'slittlesister,Jane,comingupthestepswithaglassofwater.IturnedtowardCharlotte,andIfeltherinfluenceoverme.Janeatthemomentapproachedwiththeglass.Hersister,Marianne,wishedtotakeitfromher."No!"criedthechild,withthesweetestexpressionofface,"Charlottemustdrinkfirst."
　　Theaffectionandsimplicitywithwhichthiswasutteredsocharmedme,thatIsoughttoexpressmyfeelingsbycatchingupthechildandkissingherheartily.Shewasfrightened,andbegantocry."Youshouldnotdothat,"saidCharlotte:Ifeltperplexed."Come,Jane,"shecontinued,takingherhand,andleadingherdownthestepsagain,"itisnomatter:washyourselfquicklyinthefreshwater."Istoodandwatchedthem;andwhenIsawthelittledearrubbinghercheekswithherwethands,infullbeliefthatalltheimpuritiescontractedfrommyuglybeardwouldbewashedoffbythemiraculouswater,andhow,thoughCharlottesaiditwoulddo,shecontinuedstilltowashwithallhermight,asthoughshethoughttoomuchwerebetterthantoolittle,Iassureyou,Wilhelm,Ineverattendedabaptismwithgreaterreverence;and,whenCharlottecameupfromthewell,IcouldhaveprostratedmyselfasbeforetheprophetofanEasternnation.
　　IntheeveningIwouldnotresisttellingthestorytoapersonwho,Ithought,possessedsomenaturalfeeling,becausehewasamanofunderstanding.ButwhatamistakeImade.HemaintaineditwasverywrongofCharlotte,thatweshouldnotdeceivechildren,thatsuchthingsoccasionedcountlessmistakesandsuperstitions,fromwhichwewereboundtoprotecttheyoung.Itoccurredtomethen,thatthisverymanhadbeenbaptisedonlyaweekbefore;soIsaidnothingfurther,butmaintainedthejusticeofmyownconvictions.WeshoulddealwithchildrenasGoddealswithus,wearehappiestundertheinfluenceofinnocentdelusions.
　　JULY8.
　　Whatachildismanthatheshouldbesosolicitousaboutalook!Whatachildisman!WehadbeentoWalheim:theladieswentinacarriage;butduringourwalkIthoughtIsawinCharlotte'sdarkeyes——Iamafool——butforgiveme!youshouldseethem,——thoseeyes——However,tobebriefformyowneyesareweigheddownwithsleep,youmustknow,whentheladiessteppedintotheircarriageagain,youngW.Seldstadt,Andran,andIwerestandingaboutthedoor.Theyareamerrysetoffellows,andtheywerealllaughingandjokingtogether.IwatchedCharlotte'seyes.Theywanderedfromonetotheother;buttheydidnotlightonme,onme,whostoodtheremotionless,andwhosawnothingbuther!Myheartbadeherathousandtimesadieu,butshenoticedmenot.Thecarriagedroveoff;andmyeyesfilledwithtears.Ilookedafterher:suddenlyIsawCharlotte'sbonnetleaningoutofthewindow,andsheturnedtolookback,wasitatme?Mydearfriend,Iknownot;andinthisuncertaintyIfindconsolation.Perhapssheturnedtolookatme.Perhaps!Good-night——whatachildIam!
　　JULYlO.
　　YoushouldseehowfoolishIlookincompanywhenhernameismentioned,particularlywhenIamaskedplainlyhowIlikeher.HowIlikeher!Idetestthephrase.WhatsortofcreaturemusthebewhomerelylikedCharlotte,whosewholeheartandsenseswerenotentirelyabsorbedbyher.Likeher!SomeoneaskedmelatelyhowIlikedOssian.
　　JULY11.
　　MadameM——isveryill.Iprayforherrecovery,becauseCharlottesharesmysufferings.Iseeheroccasionallyatmyfriend'shouse,andto-dayshehastoldmethestrangestcircumstance.OldM——isacovetous,miserlyfellow,whohaslongworriedandannoyedthepoorladysadly;butshehasborneherafflictionspatiently.Afewdaysago,whenthephysicianinformedusthatherrecoverywashopeless,shesentforherhusbandCharlottewaspresent,andaddressedhimthus:"Ihavesomethingtoconfess,which,aftermydecease,mayoccasiontroubleandconfusion.Ihavehithertoconductedyourhouseholdasfrugallyandeconomicallyaspossible,butyoumustpardonmeforhavingdefraudedyouforthirtyyears.Atthecommencementofourmarriedlife,youallowedasmallsumforthewantsofthekitchen,andtheotherhouseholdexpenses.Whenourestablishmentincreasedandourpropertygrewlarger,Icouldnotpersuadeyoutoincreasetheweeklyallowanceinproportion:inshort,youknow,that,whenourwantsweregreatest,yourequiredmetosupplyeverythingwithsevenflorinsaweek.Itookthemoneyfromyouwithoutanobservation,butmadeuptheweeklydeficiencyfromthemoney-chest;asnobodywouldsuspectyourwifeofrobbingthehouseholdbank.ButIhavewastednothing,andshouldhavebeencontenttomeetmyeternalJudgewithoutthisconfession,ifshe,uponwhomthemanagementofyourestablishmentwilldevolveaftermydecease,wouldbefreefromembarrassmentuponyourinsistingthattheallowancemadetome,yourformerwife,wassufficient."
　　ItalkedwithCharlotteoftheinconceivablemannerinwhichmenallowthemselvestobeblinded;howanyonecouldavoidsuspectingsomedeception,whensevenflorinsonlywereallowedtodefrayexpensestwiceasgreat.ButIhavemyselfknownpeoplewhobelieved,withoutanyvisibleastonishment,thattheirhousepossessedtheprophet'snever-failingcruseofoil.
　　JULY13.
　　No,Iamnotdeceived.InherdarkeyesIreadagenuineinterestinmeandinmyfortunes.Yes,Ifeelit;andImaybelievemyownheartwhichtellsme——dareIsayit?——dareIpronouncethedivinewords?——thatshelovesme!
　　Thatshelovesme!Howtheideaexaltsmeinmyowneyes!And,asyoucanunderstandmyfeelings,Imaysaytoyou,howIhonourmyselfsinceshelovesme!
　　Isthispresumption,orisitaconsciousnessofthetruth?IdonotknowamanabletosupplantmeintheheartofCharlotte;andyetwhenshespeaksofherbetrothedwithsomuchwarmthandaffection,Ifeellikethesoldierwhohasbeenstrippedofhishonoursandtitles,anddeprivedofhissword.
　　JULY16.
　　HowmyheartbeatswhenbyaccidentItouchherfinger,ormyfeetmeethersunderthetable!Idrawbackasiffromafurnace;butasecretforceimpelsmeforwardagain,andmysensesbecomedisordered.Herinnocent,unconsciousheartneverknowswhatagonytheselittlefamiliaritiesinflictuponme.SometimeswhenwearetalkingsheIaysherhanduponmine,andintheeagernessofconversationcomesclosertome,andherbalmybreathreachesmylips,——whenIfeelasiflightninghadstruckme,andthatIcouldsinkintotheearth.Andyet,Wilhelm,withallthisheavenlyconfidence,——ifIknowmyself,andshouldeverdare——youunderstandme.No,no!myheartisnotsocorrupt,itisweak,weakenoughbutisnotthatadegreeofcorruption?
　　Sheistomeasacredbeing.Allpassionisstillinherpresence:IcannotexpressmysensationswhenIamnearher.Ifeelasifmysoulbeatineverynerveofmybody.Thereisamelodywhichsheplaysonthepianowithangelicskill,——sosimpleisit,andyetsospiritual!Itisherfavouriteair;and,whensheplaysthefirstnote,allpain,care,andsorrowdisappearfrommeinamoment.
　　Ibelieveeverywordthatissaidofthemagicofancientmusic.Howhersimplesongenchantsme!Sometimes,whenIamreadytocommitsuicide,shesingsthatair;andinstantlythegloomandmadnesswhichhungovermearedispersed,andIbreathefreelyagain.
　　JULY18.
　　Wilhelm,whatistheworldtoourheartswithoutlove?Whatisamagic-lanternwithoutlight?Youhavebuttokindletheflamewithin,andthebrightestfiguresshineonthewhitewall;and,ifloveonlyshowusfleetingshadows,weareyethappy,when,likemerechildren,webeholdthem,andaretransportedwiththesplendidphantoms.IhavenotbeenabletoseeCharlotteto-day.IwaspreventedbycompanyfromwhichIcouldnotdisengagemyself.Whatwastobedone?Isentmyservanttoherhouse,thatImightatleastseesomebodyto-daywhohadbeennearher.Oh,theimpatiencewithwhichIwaitedforhisreturn!thejoywithwhichIwelcomedhim!Ishouldcertainlyhavecaughthiminmyarms,andkissedhim,ifIhadnotbeenashamed.
　　ItissaidthattheBononastone,whenplacedinthesun,attractstherays,andforatimeappearsluminousinthedark.Sowasitwithmeandthisservant.TheideathatCharlotte'seyeshaddweltonhiscountenance,hischeek,hisveryapparel,endearedthemallinestimablytome,sothatatthemomentIwouldnothavepartedfromhimforathousandcrowns.Hispresencemademesohappy!Bewareoflaughingatme,Wilhelm.Canthatbeadelusionwhichmakesushappy?
　　JULY19.
　　"Ishallseehertoday!"Iexclaimwithdelight,whenIriseinthemorning,andlookoutwithgladnessofheartatthebright,beautifulsun."Ishallseehertoday!"AndthenIhavenofurtherwishtoform:all,allisincludedinthatonethought.
　　JULY2O.
　　IcannotassenttoyourproposalthatIshouldaccompanytheambassadorto_______.Idonotlovesubordination;andweallknowthatheisarough,disagreeablepersontobeconnectedwith.Yousaymymotherwishesmetobeemployed.Icouldnothelplaughingatthat.AmInotsufficientlyemployed?Andisitnotinrealitythesame,whetherIshellpeasorcountlentils?Theworldrunsonfromonefollytoanother;andthemanwho,solelyfromregardtotheopinionofothers,andwithoutanywishornecessityofhisown,toilsaftergold,honour,oranyotherphantom,isnobetterthanafool.
　　JULY24.
　　Youinsistsomuchonmynotneglectingmydrawing,thatitwouldbeaswellformetosaynothingastoconfesshowlittleIhavelatelydone.
　　Ineverfelthappier,Ineverunderstoodnaturebetter,evendowntotheverieststemorsmallestbladeofgrass;andyetIamunabletoexpressmyself:mypowersofexecutionaresoweak,everythingseemstoswimandfloatbeforeme,sothatIcannotmakeaclear,boldoutline.ButIfancyIshouldsucceedbetterifIhadsomeclayorwaxtomodel.Ishalltry,ifthisstateofmindcontinuesmuchlonger,andwilltaketomodelling,ifIonlykneaddough.
　　IhavecommencedCharlotte'sportraitthreetimes,andhaveasoftendisgracedmyself.Thisisthemoreannoying,asIwasformerlyveryhappyintakinglikenesses.Ihavesincesketchedherprofile,andmustcontentmyselfwiththat.
　　JULY25.
　　Yes,dearCharlotte!Iwillorderandarrangeeverything.Onlygivememorecommissions,themorethebetter.Onething,however,Imustrequest:usenomorewriting-sandwiththedearnotesyousendme.TodayIraisedyourletterhastilytomylips,anditsetmyteethonedge.