"HowlongIlaylisteningtothecreakingsandgroaningsofthericketyoldhouse,Icannotsay,norhowlongIremainedinthedozewhichfinallyseizedmeasIbecameaccustomedtothesoundsaroundandoverme。Enoughthatbeforethestormhadpasseditsheight,I
awokeasifatthetouchofahand,andleapingwithaboundoutofthebed,beheldtomyincredibleamazememt,thealert,nervousformofLuttrastandingbeforeme。Shehadmycoatinherhand,anditwashertouchthathadevidentlyawakenedme。
"'Iwantyoutoputthison,'saidsheinalowthrillingtonetotallynewinmyexperience,'andcomewithme。Thehouseisunsafeforyoutoremainin。Hearhowitcracksandtrembles。Anotherblastlikethatandweshallberoofless。'
"Shewasmovingtowardthedoor,whichtomyamazementstoodajar,butmyhesitationstoppedher。
"'Won'tyoucome?'shewhispered,turningherfacetowardsmewithalookofsuchpotentdetermination,Ifollowedinspiteofmyself'I
darenotletyoustayhere,yourbloodwillbeuponmyhead。'
"'Youexaggerate,'Ireplied,shrinkingbackwithalonginglookatthecomfortablebedIhadjustleft。'Theseoldhousesarealwaysstrong。Itwilltakemanysuchagustasthatyouhear,tooverturnit,Iassureyou。'
"'Iexaggerate!'shereturnedwithalookofscornimpossibletodescribe。'Hark!'shesaid,'hearthat。'
"Ididhear,andImustacknowledgethatitseemedisifwewereabouttobesweptfromourfoundations。
"'Yes,'saidI,'butitisafearfulnighttobeoutin。'
"'Ishallgowithyou,'saidshe。
"'Inthatcase——'Ibeganwithanill-advisedattemptatgallantrywhichshecutshortwithagesture。
"'Hereisyourhat,'remarkedshe,'andhereisyourbag。Thefishing-polemustremain,youcannotcarryit。'
"'But,——'Iexpostulated。
"'Hush!'saidshewithherearturnedtowardsthedepthsofthestaircaseatthetopofwhichwestood。'Myfatherandbrotherwillthinkasyoudothatitisfollytoleavetheshelterofarooffortheuncertaintiesoftheroadonsuchanightasthis,butyoumustnotheedthem。Itellyoushelterthisnightisdanger,andthattheonlysafetytobefoundisonthestormyhighway。'
"Andwithoutwaitingformyreply,shepassedrapidlydownstairs,pushedopenadooratthebottom,andsteppedatonceintotheroomwehadleftanhourorsobefore。
"Whatwasthereinthatroomthatforthefirsttimestruckanominouschillasofdistinctperilthroughmyveins?Nothingatfirstsight,everythingatthesecond。Thefirewhichhadnotbeenallowedtodieout,stillburnedbrightlyontheruddyhearthstone,butitwasnotthatwhichawakenedmyapprehension。Norwasittheloudtickingclockonthemantlepiecewithitshandpointingsilentlytothehourofeleven。Noryettheheavyquietofthescantily-furnishedroomwithitsonelampburningonthedealtableagainstthesideofthewall。
Itwasthesightofthosetwopowerfulmendrawnupingrimsilence,theoneagainstthedoorleadingtothefronthall,theotheragainstthatopeningintothekitchen。
"AglanceatLuttrastandingsilentandundismayedatmyside,however,instantlyreassuredme。Withthatwillexercisedinmyfavor,Icouldnotbutwinthroughwhateveritwasthatmenacedme。
Slingingmybagovermyshoulder,Imadeamovetowardsthedoorandthesilentfigureofmyhost。Butwithaquickoutreachingofherhand,shedrewmeback。
"'Standstill!'saidshe。'Karl,'shewenton,turningherfacetowardsthemoresullenbutlessintentcountenanceofherbrother,'openthedoorandletthisgentlemanpass。Hefindsthehouseunsafeinsuchagaleanddesirestoleaveit。Atonce!'shecontinuedasherbrothersettledhimselfmoredeterminedlyagainstthelock:'I
don'toftenaskfavors。'
"'Themanisafoolthatwantstogooutinanightlikethis,'quoththefellowwithadoggedmove;'andsoareyoutoencourageit。I
thinktoomuchofyourhealthtoallowit。'
"Shedidnotseemtohear。'Willyouopenthedoor?'shewenton,notadvancingastepfromthefire,beforewhichshehadplacedherselfandme。'
"'No,Iwon't,'wasthebrutalreply。'Itsbeenlockedforthenightanditsnotmenoronelikeme,thatwillopenit。'
"Withasuddenwhiteningofheralreadypaleface,sheturnedtowardsherfather。Hewasnotevenlookingather。
"'Someonemustopenthehouse,'saidshe,glancingbackatherbrother。'Thisgentlemanpurposestoleaveandhiswhimmustbehumored。WillyouunlockthatdoororshallI?'
"Anangrysnarlinterruptedher。Herfatherhadboundedfromthedoorwherehestoodandwasstridinghastilytowardsher。InmyapprehensionIputupmyarmforashield,forhelookedreadytomurderher,butIletitdropagainaslcaughtherglancewhichwaslikewhiteflameundisturbedbytheleastbreezeofpersonalterror。
"'Youwillstopthere,'saidshe,pointingtoaspotafewfeetfromwhereshestood。'AnotherstepandIletthatforwhichIhaveheardyoudeclareyouwouldperilyourverysoul,fallintotheheartoftheflames。'Anddrawingfromherbreastarollofbills,shestretchedthemoutabovethefirebeforewhichshewasstanding。
"'You——'brokefromthegray-beardedlipsoftheoldman,buthestoppedwherehewas,eyeingthosebillsasiffascinated。
"'Iamnotagirlofmanywords,asyouknow,'continuedsheinaloftytoneinexpressiblycommanding。'Youmaystrangleme,youmaykillme,itmatterslittle;butthisgentlemanleavesthehousethisnight,orIdestroythemoneywithagesture。'
"'You——'againbrokefromthosequiveringlips,buttheoldmandidnotmove。
"Notsotheyounger。Witharushhelefthispostandinanotherinstantwouldhavehadhispowerfularmsaboutherslenderform,onlythatImethimhalfwaywithablowthatlaidhimontheflooratherfeet。Shesaidnothing,butoneofthebillsimmediatelyleftherhandandflutteredintothefirewhereitinstantlyshrivelledintonothing。
"Withtheyellofamadbeastwoundedinhismostvulnerablespot,theoldmanbeforeusstampedwithhisheeluponthefloor。
"'Stop!'criedhe;andgoingrapidlytothefrontdoorheopenedit。
'There!'shriekedhe,'ifyouwillbefools,go!andmaythelightningblastyou。Butfirstgivemethemoney。'
"'Comefromthedoor,'saidshe,reachingoutherlefthandforthelanternhangingatthesideofthefireplace,'andletKarllightthisandkeephimselfoutoftheway。'
"Itwasalldone。InlesstimethanIcantellit,theoldmanhadsteppedfromthedoor,theyoungeronehadlitthelanternandwewereinreadinesstodepart。
"'Nowdoyouproceed,'saidshetome,'Iwillfollow。'
"'No,'saidI,'wewillgotogether。'
"'Butthemoney?'growledtheheavyvoiceofmyhostovermyshoulder。
"'Iwillgiveittoyouonmyreturn,'saidthegirl。
CHAPTERXII
AWOMAN'SLOVE
"ShallIeverforgettheblastofdrivingrainthatstruckourfacesandenvelopedusinacloudofwet,asthedoorswungonitshingesandletusforthintothenight;ortheelectricthrillthatshotthroughmeasthatslendergirlgraspedmyhandanddrewmeawaythroughtheblindingdarkness。ItwasnotthatIwassomuchaffectedbyherbeautyasinfluencedbyherpowerandenergy。Thefuryofthegaleseemedtobendtoherwill,thewindlendwingstoherfeet。Ibegantorealizewhatintellectwas。Arrivedattheroadside,shepausedandlookedback。Thetwoburlyformsofthemenwehadleftbehinduswerestandinginthedooroftheinn;inanothermomenttheyhadplungedforthandtowardsus。WithalowcrytheyounggirlleapedtowardsatreewheretomyunboundedastonishmentIbeheldmyhorsestandingreadysaddled。Draggingthemarefromherfastenings,shehungthelantern,burningasitwas,onthepommelofthesaddle,struckthepantingcreatureasmartblowupontheflank,anddrewbackwithaleaptomyside。
"Thestartledhorsesnorted,gaveaplungeofdismayandstartedawayfromusdowntheroad。
"'Wewillwait,'saidLuttra。
"Thewordswerenosooneroutofhermouththanherfatherandbrotherrushedby。
"'Theywillfollowthelight,'whisperedshe;andseizingmeagainbythehand,shehurriedmeawayinthedirectionoppositetothatwhichthehorsehadtaken。'Ifyouwilltrustme,Iwillbringyoutoshelter,'shemurmured,bendingherslightformtothegustywindbutrelaxingnotawhitofherspeed。
"'Youaretookind,'Imurmuredinreturn。'Whyshouldyouexposeyourselftosuchanextentforastranger?'
"Herhandtightenedonmine,butshedidnotreply,andwehastenedonasspeedilyasthewindandrainwouldallow。Afterashortbutdeterminedbreastingofthestorm,duringwhichmybreathhadnearlyfailedme,shesuddenlystopped。
"'Doyouknow,'sheexclaimedinalowimpressivetone,'thatweareonthevergeofasteepanddreadfulprecipice?Itrunsalonghereforaquarterofamileanditisnotanuncommonthingforahorseandridertobedashedoveritinanightlikethis。'
"TherewassomethinginhermannerthatawakenedachillinmyveinsalmostasifshehadpointedoutsomedreadfuldoomwhichIhadunwittinglyescaped。
"'Thisis,then,adangerousroad,'Imurmured。
"'Very,'washerhurriedandalmostincoherentreply。
"HowfarwetravelledthroughthemudandtangledgrassesofthathorribleroadIdonotknow。Itseemedalongdistance;itwasprobablynotmorethanthreequartersofamile。Atlastshepausedwithashort'Hereweare;'andlookingup,Isawthatwewereinfrontofasmallunlightedcottage。
"NorefugeeverappearedmorewelcometoapairofsinkingwanderersI
amsure。Wettotheskin,bedrabbledwithmud,exhaustedwithbreastingthegale,westoodforamomentundertheporchtoregainourbreath,thenwithhercharacteristicenergysheliftedtheknockerandstruckasmartblowonthedoor。
"'Wewillfindshelterhere,'saidshe。
"Shewasnotmistaken。Inafewmomentswewerestandingoncemorebeforeacomfortablefirehastilybuiltbytheworthycouplewhoseslumberswehadthusinterrupted。AsIbegantorealizethesweetnessofconscioussafety,allthatthisyoung,heroiccreaturehaddoneformesweptwarmlyacrossmymind。Lookingupfromthefirethatwasbeginingtoinfuseitsheatthroughmygratefulsystem,Isurveyedherassheslowlyundidherlongbraidsandshookthemdryovertheblaze,andalmoststartedtoseehowyoungshewas。NotmorethansixteenIshouldsay,andyetwhataninvinciblewillshonefromherdarkeyesanddignifiedherslenderform;awillgentleasitwasstrong,elevatedasitwasunbending。IbowedmyheadasIwatchedher,ingratefulthankfulnesswhichIpresentlyputintowords。
"Atonceshedrewherselferect。'Ididbutmyduty,'saidshequietly。'IamgladIwasprosperedinit。'Thenslowly。'Ifyouaregrateful,sir,willyoupromisetosaynothingof——ofwhattookplaceattheinn?'
"InstantlyIrememberedasuspicionwhichhadcrossedmymindwhilethere,andmyhandwentinvoluntarilytomyvestpocket。Therollofbillswasgone。
"Shedidnotfalter。'Iwouldberelievedifyouwould,'continuedshe。
"Idrewoutmyemptyhand,lookedatit,butsaidnothing。
"'Haveyoulostanything?'askedshe。'Searchinyourovercoatpockets。'
"Iplungedmyhandintotheonenearestheranddrewitoutwithsatisfaction;therollofbillswasthere。'Igiveyoumypromise,'
saidI。
"'Youwillfindabillmissing,'shemurmured;'forwhatamountIdonotknow;thesacrificeofsomethingwasinevitable。'
"'Icanonlywonderovertheingenuityyoudisplayed,aswellasexpressmyappreciationforyourbravery,'returnedIwithenthusiasm。'Youareanoblegirl。'
"Sheputoutherhandasifcomplimentshurther。'Itisthefirsttimetheyhaveeverattemptedanythinglikethat,'criedsheinaquicklowtonefullofshameandsuffering。'Theyhaveshownadispositionto——totakemoneysometimes,buttheyneverthreatenedlifebefore。Andtheydidthreatenyours。Theysawyoutakeoutyourmoney,throughaholepiercedinthewalloftheroomyouoccupied,andthesightmadethemmad。Theyweregoingtokillyouandthentumbleyouandyourhorseovertheprecipicebelowthere。ButI
overheardthemtalkingandwhentheywentouttosaddlethehorse,I
hurrieduptoyourroomtowakeyou。Ihadtotakepossessionofthebills;youwerenotsafewhileyouheldthem。ItookthemquietlybecauseIhopedtosaveyouwithoutbetrayingthem。ButIfailedinthat。Youmustremembertheyaremyfatherandmybrother。'
"'Iwillnotbetraythem,'saidI。
"Shesmiled。Itwasawintrygleambutitineffablysoftenedherface。
Ibecameconsciousofamovementofpitytowardsher。
"'Youhaveahardlot,'remarkedI。'Yourlifemustbeasadone。'
"Sheflasheduponmeoneglanceofherdarkeye。'Iwasbornforhardship,'saidshe,'but——'andasuddenwildshudderseizedher,'butnotforcrime。'
"Thewordfelllikeadropofbloodwrungfromherheart。
"'Goodheavens!'criedI,'andmustyou——'
"'No,'rangfromherlipsinaclarion-likepeal;'somethingscuttheverybondsofnature。Iamnotcalledupontocleavetowhatwilldragmeintoinfamy。'Thencalmly,asifspeakingofthemostordinarymatterintheworld,'Ishallnevergobacktothathousewehaveleftbehindus,sir。'
"'But,'criedI,glancingatherscantygarments,'wherewillyougo?
Whatwillyoudo?Youareyoung——'
"'Andverystrong,'sheinterrupted。'Donotfearforme。'Andhersmilewaslikeaburstofsuddensunshine。
"Isaidnomorethatnight。
"ButwheninthemorningIstumbleduponhersittinginthekitchenreadingabooknotonlyaboveherpositionbutbeyondheryears,asuddenimpulseseizedmeandIaskedherifshewouldliketobeeducated。Theinstantaneousilluminingofherwholefacewassufficientreplywithoutherlowemphaticwords,"'Iwouldbecontenttostudyonmykneestoknowwhatsomewomendo,whomIhaveseen。'
"ItisnotnecessaryformetorelatewithwhatpleasureIcaughtattheideathatherewasachancetorepayinsomeslightmeasuretheinestimablefavorshehaddoneme;norbywhatargumentsIfinallywonhertoacceptaneducationatmyhandsassomesortofrecompenseforthelifeshehadsaved。Theadvantagewhichitwouldgiveherinherstrugglewiththeworldsheseemeddulytoappreciate,butthatsogreatafavorcouldbeshownherwithoutcausingmemuchtroubleandanunwarrantableexpense,shecouldnotatoncebebroughttocomprehend,andtillshecould,sheheldoutwiththatgentlebutinflexiblewillofhers。Thebattle,however,waswonatlastandI
leftherinthatlittlecottage,withtheunderstandingthatassoonasthemattercouldbearranged,shewastoenteracertainboarding-schoolinTroywiththemistressofwhichIwasacquainted。
MeanwhileshewastogoouttoserviceatMelvilleandearnenoughmoneytoprovideherselfwithclothes。
"IwasacarelessfellowinthosedaysbutIkeptmypromisetothatgirl。Inotonlyenteredherintothatschoolforacourseofthreeyears,butactingthroughitsmistresswhohadtakenagreatfancytoher,suppliedherwiththenecessitiesherpositionrequired。Itwassoeasy;merelythesigningofacheckfromtimetotime,anditwasdone。IsaythisbecauseIreallythinkifithadinvolvedanypersonalsacrificeonmypart,evenofanhourofmytime,orthelaborofathought,Ishouldnothavedoneit。Forwithmyreturntothecitymyinterestinmycousinrevived,absorbingmetosuchanextentthatanymatterdisconnectedwithhersoonlostallcharmforme。
"Twoyearspassed;IwastheslaveofEvelynBlake,buttherewasnoengagementbetweenus。Myfather'sdeterminedoppositionwasenoughtopreventthat。ButtherewasanunderstandingwhichIfondlyhopedwouldonedayopenformethewayofhappiness。ButIdidnotknowmyfather。Sickashewas——hewasatthattimelaboringunderthediseasewhichinacoupleofmonthslaterborehimtothetomb——hekeptaneyeuponmymovementsandseemedtoprobemyinmostheart。Atlasthecametoadefinitedecisionandspoke。
"Hiswordsopenedaworldofdismaybeforeme。Iwashisonlychild,asheremarked,andithadbeenandwasthedesireofhishearttoleavemeasrichandindependentamanashimself。ButIseemeddisposedtocommitoneofthoseactsagainstwhichhehadthemostdeterminedprejudice;marriagebetweencousinsbeinginhiseyesanunsanctifiedanddangerousproceeding,liabletoconsequencesthemostunhappy。IfIpersisted,hemustwillhispropertyelsewhere。TheBlakeestateshouldneverdescendwiththesealofhisapprobationtoaraceofprobableimbeciles。
"Norwasthisenough。HenotonlyrobbedmeofthewomanIloved,butwithaclearinsightintothefuture,Ipresume,insisteduponmymarryingsomeoneelseofrespectabilityandworthbeforehedied。
'Anyonewhoseappearancewilldoyoucreditandwhosevirtueisbeyondreproach,'saidhe。'Idon'taskhertoberichoreventheoffspringofoneofouroldfamilies。Letherbegoodandpureandofnoconnectiontous,andIwillblessherandyouwithmydyingbreath。'
"Theideahadseizeduponhimwithgreatforce,andIsoonsawhewasnottobeshakenoutofit。Toallmyobjectionshereturnedbuttheoneword,"'Idon'trestrictyourchoiceandIgiveyouamonthinwhichtomakeit。Ifattheendofthattimeyoucannotbringyourbridetomybedside,Imustlookaroundforanheirwhowillnotthwartmydyingwishes。'"
"Amonth!Isurveyedthefashionablebellesthatnightlythrongedtheparlorsofmyfriendsandfeltmyheartsinkwithinme。Takeoneofthemformywife,lovinganotherwoman?Impossible。Womenlikethesedemandedsomethinginreturnforthehonortheyconferreduponamanbymarryinghim。Wealth?theyhadit。Position?thatwastheirsalso。Consideration?ah,whatconsiderationhadItogive?Iturnedfromthemwithdistaste。
"MycousinEvelyngavemenohelp。Shewasaproudwomanandlovedmymoneyandmyexpectationsasmuchasshedidme。
"'Ifyoumustmarryanotherwomantoretainyourwealth,marry,saidshe,'butdonotmarryoneofmyassociates。Iwillhavenorivalinmyownempire;yourwifemustbeaplainerandalessaspiringwomanthanEvelynBlake。Yetdonotdiscredityourname,——whichismine,'
shewouldalwaysadd。
"Meanwhilethedaysflewby。Ifmyownconsciencehadallowedmetoforgetthefact,myfather'seagerlyinquiring,butsternlyunrelentinggazeasIcameeacheveningtohisbedside,wouldhavekeptitsufficientlyinmymind。Ibegantofeellikeoneinthepowerofsomehugecrushingmachinewhoseslowlydescendingweightheinvainendeavorstoescape。
"HoworwhenthethoughtofLuttrafirstcrossedmymindIcannotsay。
AtfirstIrecoiledatthesuggestionandputitawayfrommeindisdain;butiteverrecurredandwithitsomanyargumentsinherfavorthatbeforelongIfoundmyselfregardingitasarefuge。Tobesureshewasawaifandastray,butthatseemedtobethekindofwifedemandedofme。Shewasalliedtoroguesifnotvillains,I
knew;butthenhadshenotcutallconnectionwiththem,droppedawayfromthem,plantedherfeetonnewgroundwhichtheywouldneverinvade?Icommencedtocherishtheidea。Withthisfriendless,grateful,unassumingprotegeeofmineforawife,Iwouldbeaslittleboundasmightbe。Shewouldasknothing,andIneedgivenothing,beyondahomeandthecommonattentionsrequiredofagentlemanandafriend。Thenshewasnotdisagreeable,norwasherbeautyofatypetosuggestthecharmsofherIhadlost。Noneofthegracesofthehaughtypatricianladywhoselightestgesturewasacommand,wouldappearinthishumblegirl,tomockandconstrainme。
No,Ishouldhaveafairwifeandanobedientone,butnovulgarizedshadowofEvelyn,thankGod,orofanyofherfashionablydressedfriends。
"Advancedthusfartowardstheend,IwenttoseeLuttraIhadnotbeheldhersincethemorningwepartedatthedoorofthatlittlecottageinVermont,andherpresencecausedmeashock。This,thehumblewaifwiththeappealinggratefuleyesIhadexpectedtoencounter?thistallandslendercreaturewithanaureolaofgoldenhairaboutafacethatitwasaneducationtobehold!IfeltahalfmovementofangerasIsurveyedher。Ihadbeencheated;Ihadplantedagrapeseedandapalmtreehadsprungupinitsplace。I
wassotakenaback,mysalutelostsomethingofthebenevolentcondescensionIhadintendedtoinfuseintoit。Sheseemedtofeelmyembarassmentandahalfsmileflutteredtoherlips。Thatsmiledecidedme。Itwassweetbutaboveallelseitwasappealing。
"HowIwonthatwomantomarrymeintendaystimeIcarenottostate。Notbyholdingupmywealthandpositionbeforeher。
Somethingrestrainedmefromthat。Iwasresolved,andperhapsitwastheonlypointoflightinmyconductatthattime,nottobuythisyounggirl。Ineverspokeofmyexpectations,IneveralludedtomypresentadvantagesyetIwonher。
"Weweremarried,there,inTroyinthequietestandmostunpretendingmanner。WhythefacthasnevertranspiredIcannotsay。Icertainlytooknoespecialpainstoconcealitatthetime,thoughI
acknowledgethatafterourseparationIdidresorttosuchmeasuresasIthoughtnecessary,tosuppresswhathadbecomegallandwormwoodtomypride。
"MyfirstmoveaftertheceremonywastobringherimmediatelytoNewYorkandtothishouse。Withperhapsapardonablebitternessofspirit,Ihadrefrainedfromanynotificationofmyintentions,anditwasasstrangersmightenteranunprepareddwelling,thatwesteppedacrossthethresholdofthishouseandpassedimmediatelytomyfather'sroom。
"'Icangiveyounoweddingandnohoneymoon,'Ihadtoldher。'Myfatherisdyinganddemandsmycare。Fromthealtartoadeath-bedmaybesadforyou,butitisaninevitableconditionofyourmarriagewithme。'Andshehadacceptedherfatewithadeepunspeakablesmileithastakenmelongmonthsoflonelinessandsufferingtounderstand。
"'Father,Ibringyoumybride,'weremyfirstwordstohimasthedoorclosedbehindusshuttingusinwiththedread,invisiblePresencethatforsolongatimehadbeenrelentlesslyadvancinguponourhome。
"Ishallneverforgethowherousedhimselfinhisbed,norwithwhateagereyeshereadheryoungfaceandsurveyedherslightformswayingtowardshiminhersuddenemotionlikeaflameinabreeze。
NorwhileIliveshallIlosesightofthespasmofuncontrollablejoywithwhichheliftedhisagedarmstowardsher,northelookwithwhichshesprangfrommysideandnestled,yesnestled,onthebreastthatnevertomyremembrancehadopeneditselftomeevenintheyearsofmyearliestchildhood。Formyfatherwasasternmanwhobelievedinholdingloveatarm'slengthandmeasuredaffectionbythedepthofaweitinspired。
"'Mydaughter!'brokefromhislips,andheneverinquiredwhoshewasorwhat;no,notevenwhenafteramomentofsilencesheraisedherheadandwithasuddenlowcryofpassionatelonginglookedinhisfaceandmurmured,"'Ineverhadafather。'
"Sirs,itisimpossibleformetocontinuewithoutrevealingdepthsofprideandbitternessinmyownnature,fromwhichInowshrinkwithunspeakablepain。Sofarfrombeingtouchedbythisscene,Ifeltmyselfgrowhardunderit。Ifhehadbeendisappointedinmychoice,queriedatitorevenbeensimplypleasedatmyobedience,ImighthaveacceptedthewifeIhadwon,andbeentolerablygrateful。Buttoloveher,admireher,gloryinherwhenEvelynBlakehadneversucceededinwinningaglancefromhiseyesthatwasnotapublicdisapprobation!Icouldnotendureit;mywholebeingrebelled,andamovementlikehatetookpossessionofme。
"Biddingmywifetoleavemewithmyfatheralone,Iscarcelywaitedforthedoortocloseuponthepooryoungthingbeforeallthathadbeenseethinginmybreastforamonth,burstfrommeintheonecry,"'Ihavebroughtyouadaughterasyoucommandedme。Nowgivemetheblessingyoupromisedandletmego;forIcannotlivewithawomanI
donotlove。'
"Instantly,andbeforehislipscouldmove,thedooropenedandthewomanIthusrepudiatedinthefirstdawninghourofheryoungbliss,stoodbeforeus。MyGod!whataface!WhenIthinkofitnowinthenightseason——whenfromdreamsthatgloomyastheyare,areoftenelysiantothethoughtswhichbesetmeinmywakinghours,Isuddenlyarousetoseestartinguponmefromthesurroundingshadowsthatyoungfairbrowwithitshaloofgoldentresses,blotted,ayblottedbytheagonythatturnedherthatinstantintostone,IwonderIdidnottakeoutthepistolthatlayinthetablenearwhichIstood,andshootherlifelessonthespotassomesortofacompensationforthemiseryIhadcausedher。IsayIwondernow:thenIonlythoughtofbravingitout。
"Straightasadart,butwiththatlookonherface,shecametowardsus。'DidIheararight?'werethewordsthatcamefromherlips。
'Haveyoumarriedme,awomanbeneathyourstationasInowperceive,becauseyouwerecommandedtodoso?Haveyounotlovedme?givenmethatwhichalonemakesmarriageasacramentorevenapossibility?
andmustyouleavethishousemadesacredbytherecumbentformofyourdyingfatherifIremainwithinit?'
"Isawmyfather'sstiffandpallidlipsmovesilentlyasthoughhewouldanswerformeifhecould,andsummoningupwhatcourageI
possessed,ItoldherthatIdeeplyregrettedshehadoverheardmyinconsideratewords。ThatIhadnevermeanttowoundher,whateverbitternesslayinmyhearttowardsonewhohadthwartedmeinmydearestandmostcherishedhopes。ThatIhumblybeggedherpardonandwouldsofaracknowledgeherclaimuponmeastopromisethatIwouldnotleavemyhomeatthistime,ifitdistressedher;mydesirebeingnottoinjureher,onlytoprotectmyself。
"Othescornthatmountedtoherbrowattheseweakwords。Notscornofme,thankGod,worthyasIwasofitthathour,butscornofmyslightopinionofher。
"'ThenIheardaright,'shemurmured,andwaitedwithalookthatwouldnotbegainsaid。
"Icouldonlybowmyhead,cursingthedayIwasborn。
"'Holman!Holman!'cameinagonizedentreatyfromthebed,'youwillnotrobmeofmydaughternow?'
"Startled,Ilookedup。Luttrawashalfwaytothedoor。
"'Whatareyougoingtodo?'criedI,boundingtowardsher。
"Shestoppedmewithalook。'Thesonmustneverforsakethefather,'
saidshe。'Ifeitherofusmustleavethehousethisday,letitbeI。'Theninasoftertone,'Whenyouaskedmetobeyourwife,Iwhohadworshippedyoufromthemomentyouenteredmyfather'shouseonthememorablenightIleftit,wassoovercomeatyourcondescensionthatIforgotyoudidnotprefaceitbytheusualpassionate,'Iloveyou,'whichmorethanthemarriageringbindstwoheartstogether。Intheglamourandglowofmyjoy,Ididnotseethatthesmilethatwasinmyheart,wasmissingfromyourface。Iwastobeyourwifeandthatwasenough,orsoIthoughtthen,forIlovedyou。Ah,andIdonow,myhusband,loveyousothatIleaveyou。WereitforyourhappinessIwoulddomorethanthat,Iwouldgiveyoubackyourfreedom,butfromwhatIhear,itseemsthatyouneedawifeinnameandIwillbebutfulfillingyourdesireinholdingthatplaceforyou。Iwillneverdisgracethepositionhighasitisabovemypoordeserts。Whenthedaycomes——ifthedaycomes——thatyouneedorfeelyouneedthesustainmentofmypresenceorthedevotionofmyheart,nopoweronearthsavethatofdeathitself,shallkeepmefromyourside。TillthatdayarrivesIremainwhatyouhavemademe,abridewholaysnoclaimtothenameyouthismorningbestoweduponher。'Andwithagesturethatwaslikeabenediction,sheturned,andnoiselessly,breathlesslyasadreamthatvanishes,lefttheroom。
"Sirs,IbelieveIutteredacryandstumbledtowardsher。Someoneinthatroomutteredacry,butitmaybethatitonlyroseinmyheartandthattheoneIheardcamefrommyfather'slips。ForwhenatthedoorIturned,startledatthedeathlysilence,Isawhehadfaintedonhispillow。Icouldnotleavehimso。CallingtoMrs。Daniels,whowasneverfarfrommyfatherinthosedays,Ibadeherstopthelady——IbelieveIcalledhermywife——whowasgoingdownthestairs,andthenrushedtohisside。Ittookminutestorevivehim。Whenhecametohimselfitwastoaskforthecreaturewhohadflashedlikeabeaconoflightuponhisdarkeningpath。IroseasiftofetchherbutbeforeIcouldadvanceIheardavoicesay,'Sheisnothere,'
andlookingupIsawMrs。Danielsglideintotheroom。
"'Mrs。Blakehasgone,sir,Icouldnotkeepher。'
CHAPTERXIII
AMAN'SHEART
"ThatwasthelasttimemyeyeseverIresteduponmywife。Whithershewentorwhatrefugeshegained,Ineverknew。Myfatherwhohadreceivedinthissceneagreatshock,begantofailsorapidly,hedemandedmyconstantcare;andthoughfromtimetotimeasI
ministeredtohimandnotedwithwhatayearningpersistencyhewouldeyethedoorandthenturnandmeetmygazewithalookIcouldnotunderstand,IcaughtmyselfaskingwhetherIhaddoneadeeddestinedtohangforeveraboutmelikeapall;itwasnottillafterhisdeaththatthedespairingimageofthebrightyoungcreaturetowhomIhadgivenmyname,returnedwithanystartlingdistinctnesstomymind,orthatIallowedmyselftoaskwhethertheheavygloomwhichInowfeltsettlinguponmewasowingtothesenseofshamethatoverpoweredmeattheremembranceofthepast,ortothepossiblelossIhadsustainedinthedepartureofmyyoungunlovedbride。
"TheannouncementatthistimeoftheengagementbetweenEvelynBlakeandtheCountDeMiracmayhavehadsomethingtodowiththis。ThoughIhadneverinthemostpassionatehoursofmyloveforher,lostsightofthatsideofhernaturewhichdemandedasherrighttheluxuryofgreatwealth;andthoughinmytacitabandonmentofherandsecretmarriagewithanotherIhadcertainlylosttherighttocomplainofheractionswhatevertheymightbe,thismanifestsurrenderingofherselftothepowerofwealthandshowatthepriceofallthatwomenarebelievedtoholddear,wasanundoubtedblowtomyprideandtheconfidenceIhadtillnowunconsciouslyreposedinherinherentwomanlinessandaffection。Thatshehadbutmadeonamoreconspicuousscale,thesamesacrificeasmyselftothegodofWealthandPosition,wasinmyeyesatthattime,nopalliationofherconduct。Iwasamannonetoogoodorexaltedatthebest;she,awoman,shouldhavebeensuperiortothetemptationsthatoverpoweredme。Thatshewasnot,seemedtodragallwomanhoodalittlenearerthedust;fashionablewomanhoodIoughttosay,forsomehowevenatthatearlydayherconductdidnotseemtoaffectthevividimageofLuttrastandinguponmythreshold,shornofherjoybutburningwithadevotionIdidnotcomprehend,andsaying,"'Ilovedyou。Ah,andIdoyet,myhusband,loveyousothatIleaveyou。Whenthedaycomes——ifthedaycomes——youneedorfeelyouneedthesustainmentofmypresenceorthedevotionofmyheart,nopoweronearthsavethatofdeathitself,shallkeepmefromyourside。'
"Yes,withthefadingawayofotherfacesandotherforms,thatfaceandthatformnowbegantousurpthechiefplaceinmythoughts。Nottomyreliefandpleasure。Thatcouldscarcelybe,rememberingallthathadoccurred;rathertomyincreasingdistressandpassionateresentment。IlongedtoforgetIwasheldbyatie,thatknowntotheworldwouldcausemethebitterestshame。ForbythistimethetruecharacterofherfatherandbrotherhadbeenrevealedandI
foundmyselfboundtothedaughterofaconvictedcriminal。
"ButIcouldnotforgether。Thelookwithwhichshehadleftmewasbrandedintomyconsciousness。Nightanddayitfloatedbeforeme,tilltoescapeitIresolvedtofastenituponcanvas,ifbythatmeansImightsucceedineliminatingitfrommydreams。
"Thepaintingyouhaveseenthisnightistheresult。Bornwithanartist'stouchandinsightthatunderothercircumstancesmight,perhaps,haveraisedmeintothecolddryatmosphereoffame,theexecutionofthispieceofwork,presentedbutfewdifficultiestomysomewhataccustomedhand。Daybydayherbeautygrewbeneathmybrush,startlingmeoftenwithitsspiritualforceandsignificancetillmymindgrewfeverishoveritswork,andIcouldscarcelyrefrainfromrisingatnighttogiveatouchhereortheretothefloatinggoldenhairorthepiercing,tendereyesturned,ah,everturnedupontheinmostcitadelofmyheartwiththatlookthatslewmyfatherbeforehistimeandmademe,yesme,oldinspiritevenintheardentyearsofmyfirstmanhood。