TheAlpinelitterissometimeslikeacushionedboxmadefastbetweenthemiddlesoftwolongpoles，andsometimesitisachairwithabacktoitandasupportforthefeet。Itiscarriedbyrelaysofstrongporters。
　　Themotioniseasierthanthatofanyotherconveyance。
　　Wemetafewmenandagreatmanyladiesinlitters；
　　itseemedtomethatmostoftheladieslookedpaleandnauseated；theirgeneralaspectgavemetheideathattheywerepatientlyenduringahorriblesuffering。
　　Asarule，theylookedattheirlaps，andleftthescenerytotakecareofitself。
　　ButthemostfrightenedcreatureIsaw，wasaledhorsethatovertookus。Poorfellow，hehadbeenbornandrearedinthegrassylevelsoftheKanderstegvalleyandhadneverseenanythinglikethishideousplacebefore。
　　Everyfewstepshewouldstopshort，glancewildlyoutfromthedizzyheight，andthenspreadhisrednostrilswideandpantasviolentlyasifhehadbeenrunningarace；
　　andallthewhilehequakedfromheadtoheelaswithapalsy。Hewasahandsomefellow，andhemadeafinestatuesquepictureofterror，butitwaspitifultoseehimsufferso。
　　Thisdreadfulpathhashaditstragedy。Baedeker，withhiscustomaryoverterseness，beginsandendsthetalethus:
　　"Thedescentonhorsebackshouldbeavoided。
　　In1861aComtessed'Herlincourtfellfromhersaddleovertheprecipiceandwaskilledonthespot。"
　　Welookedovertheprecipicethere，andsawthemonumentwhichcommemoratestheevent。Itstandsinthebottomofthegorge，inaplacewhichhasbeenhollowedoutoftherocktoprotectitfromthetorrentandthestorms。
　　Ouroldguideneverspokebutwhenspokento，andthenlimitedhimselftoasyllableortwo，butwhenweaskedhimaboutthistragedyheshowedastronginterestinthematter。HesaidtheCountesswasverypretty，andveryyoung——hardlyoutofhergirlhood，infact。
　　Shewasnewlymarried，andwasonherbridaltour。
　　Theyounghusbandwasridingalittleinadvance；oneguidewasleadingthehusband'shorse，anotherwasleadingthebride's。
　　Theoldmancontinued:
　　"Theguidethatwasleadingthehusband'shorsehappenedtoglanceback，andtherewasthatpooryoungthingsittingupstaringoutovertheprecipice；andherfacebegantobenddownwardalittle，andsheputuphertwohandsslowlyandmetit——so，——andputthemflatagainsthereyes——so——andthenshesankoutofthesaddle，withasharpshriek，andonecaughtonlytheflashofadress，anditwasallover。"
　　Thenafterapause:
　　"Ah，yes，thatguidesawthesethings——yes，hesawthemall。
　　Hesawthemall，justasIhavetoldyou。"
　　Afteranotherpause:
　　"Ah，yes，hesawthemall。MyGod，thatwasME。
　　Iwasthatguide!"
　　Thishadbeentheoneeventoftheoldman'slife；soonemaybesurehehadforgottennodetailconnectedwithit。
　　Welistenedtoallhehadtosayaboutwhatwasdoneandwhathappenedandwhatwassaidafterthesorrowfuloccurrence，andapainfulstoryitwas。
　　Whenwehadwounddowntowardthevalleyuntilwewereaboutonthelastspiralofthecorkscrew，Harris'shatblewoverthelastremainingbitofprecipice——asmallcliffahundredorhundredandfiftyfeethigh——andsaileddowntowardasteepslantcomposedofroughchipsandfragmentswhichtheweatherhadflakedawayfromtheprecipices。
　　Wewentleisurelydownthere，expectingtofinditwithoutanytrouble，butwehadmadeamistake，astothat。
　　Wehuntedduringacoupleofhours——notbecausetheoldstrawhatwasvaluable，butoutofcuriositytofindouthowsuchathingcouldmanagetoconcealitselfinopengroundwheretherewasnothingleftforittohidebehind。
　　Whenoneisreadinginbed，andlayshispaper-knifedown，hecannotfinditagainifitissmallerthanasaber；
　　thathatwasasstubbornasanypaper-knifecouldhavebeen，andwefinallyhadtogiveitup；butwefoundafragmentthathadoncebelongedtoanopera-glass，andbydiggingaroundandturningovertherockswegraduallycollectedallthelensesandthecylindersandthevariousoddsandendsthatgotomakingupacompleteopera-glass。
　　Weafterwardhadthethingreconstructed，andtheownercanhavehisadventurouslost-propertybysubmittingproofsandpayingcostsofrehabilitation。Wehadhopesoffindingtheownerthere，distributedaroundamongsttherocks，foritwouldhavemadeanelegantparagraph；
　　butweweredisappointed。Still，wewerefarfrombeingdisheartened，fortherewasaconsiderableareawhichwehadnotthoroughlysearched；weweresatisfiedhewasthere，somewhere，soweresolvedtowaitoveradayatLeukandcomebackandgethim。
　　Thenwesatdowntopolishofftheperspirationandarrangeaboutwhatwewoulddowithhimwhenwegothim。
　　HarriswasforcontributinghimtotheBritishMuseum；
　　butIwasformailinghimtohiswidow。ThatisthedifferencebetweenHarrisandme:Harrisisallfordisplay，Iamallforthesimpleright，eventhoughIlosemoneybyit。
　　Harrisarguedinfavorofhispropositionagainstmine，Iarguedinfavorofmineandagainsthis。Thediscussionwarmedintoadispute；thedisputewarmedintoaquarrel。
　　Ifinallysaid，verydecidedly:
　　"Mymindismadeup。Hegoestothewidow。"
　　Harrisansweredsharply:
　　"AndMYmindismadeup。HegoestotheMuseum。"
　　Isaid，calmly:
　　"Themuseummaywhistlewhenitgetshim。"
　　Harrisretorted:
　　"Thewidowmaysaveherselfthetroubleofwhistling，forIwillseethatshenevergetshim。"
　　Aftersomeangrybandyingofepithets，Isaid:
　　"Itseemstomethatyouaretakingonagoodmanyairsabouttheseremains。Idon'tquiteseewhatYOU'VEgottosayaboutthem?"
　　"I?I'vegotALLtosayaboutthem。They'dneverhavebeenthoughtofifIhadn'tfoundtheiropera-glass。Thecorpsebelongstome，andI'lldoasIpleasewithhim。"
　　IwasleaderoftheExpedition，andalldiscoveriesachievedbyitnaturallybelongedtome。Iwasentitledtotheseremains，andcouldhaveenforcedmyright；
　　butratherthanhavebadbloodaboutthematter，Isaidwewouldtossupforthem。Ithrewheadsandwon，butitwasabarrenvictory，foralthoughwespentallthenextdaysearching，weneverfoundabone。Icannotimaginewhatcouldeverhavebecomeofthatfellow。
　　ThetowninthevalleyiscalledLeukorLeukerbad。
　　Wepointedourcoursetowardit，downaverdantslopewhichwasadornedwithfringedgentiansandotherflowers，andpresentlyenteredthenarrowalleysoftheoutskirtsandwadedtowardthemiddleofthetownthroughliquid"fertilizer。"Theyoughttoeitherpavethatvillageororganizeaferry。
　　Harris'sbodywassimplyachamois-pasture；hispersonwaspopulouswiththelittlehungrypests；hisskin，whenhestripped，wassplotchedlikeascarlet-feverpatient's；
　　so，whenwewereabouttoenteroneoftheLeukerbadinns，andhenoticeditssign，"ChamoisHotel，"herefusedtostopthere。Hesaidthechamoiswasplentifulenough，withouthuntinguphotelswheretheymadeaspecialtyofit。
　　Iwasindifferent，forthechamoisisacreaturethatwillneitherbitemenorabidewithme；buttocalmHarris，wewenttotheHo^teldesAlpes。
　　Atthetabled'ho^te，wehadthis，foranincident。
　　Averygraveman——infacthisgravityamountedtosolemnity，andalmosttoausterity——satoppositeusandhewas"tight，"butdoinghisbesttoappearsober。HetookupaCORKEDbottleofwine，tilteditoverhisglassawhile，thensetitoutoftheway，withacontentedlook，andwentonwithhisdinner。
　　Presentlyheputhisglasstohismouth，andofcoursefounditempty。Helookedpuzzled，andglancedfurtivelyandsuspiciouslyoutofthecornerofhiseyeatabenignantandunconsciousoldladywhosatathisright。
　　Shookhishead，asmuchastosay，"No，shecouldn'thavedoneit。"Hetiltedthecorkedbottleoverhisglassagain，meantimesearchingaroundwithhiswateryeyetoseeifanybodywaswatchinghim。Heateafewmouthfuls，raisedhisglasstohislips，andofcourseitwasstillempty。Hebentaninjuredandaccusingside-glanceuponthatunconsciousoldlady，whichwasastudytosee。
　　Shewentoneatingandgavenosign。Hetookuphisglassandhisbottle，withawiseprivatenodofhishead，andsetthemgravelyontheleft-handsideofhisplate——
　　pouredhimselfanotherimaginarydrink——wenttoworkwithhisknifeandforkoncemore——presentlyliftedhisglasswithgoodconfidence，andfounditempty，asusual。
　　Thiswasalmostapetrifyingsurprise。Hestraightenedhimselfupinhischairanddeliberatelyandsorrowfullyinspectedthebusyoldladiesathiselbows，firstoneandthentheother。Atlasthesoftlypushedhisplateaway，sethisglassdirectlyinfrontofhim，heldontoitwithhislefthand，andproceededtopourwithhisright。
　　Thistimeheobservedthatnothingcame。Heturnedthebottleclearupsidedown；stillnothingissuedfromit；
　　aplaintivelookcameintohisface，andhesaid，asiftohimself，"'IC!THEY'VEGOTITALL!"Thenhesetthebottledown，resignedly，andtooktherestofhisdinnerdry。
　　Itwasatthattabled'ho^te，too，thatIhadunderinspectionthelargestladyIhaveeverseeninprivatelife。
　　Shewasoversevenfeethigh，andmagnificentlyproportioned。
　　Whathadfirstcalledmyattentiontoher，wasmysteppingonanoutlyingflangeofherfoot，andhearing，fromuptowardtheceiling，adeep"Pardon，m'sieu，butyouencroach!"
　　Thatwaswhenwewerecomingthroughthehall，andtheplacewasdim，andIcouldseeheronlyvaguely。Thethingwhichcalledmyattentiontoherthesecondtimewas，thatatatablebeyondoursweretwoveryprettygirls，andthisgreatladycameinandsatdownbetweenthemandmeandblottedoutmyview。Shehadahandsomeface，andshewasveryfinelyformed——perfectedformed，Ishouldsay。Butshemadeeverybodyaroundherlooktrivialandcommonplace。Ladiesnearherlookedlikechildren，andthemenaboutherlookedmean。Theylookedlikefailures；
　　andtheylookedasiftheyfeltso，too。Shesatwithherbacktous。Ineversawsuchabackinmylife。
　　Iwouldhavesolikedtoseethemoonriseoverit。
　　Thewholecongregationwaited，underonepretextoranother，tillshefinishedherdinnerandwentout；theywantedtoseeheratfullaltitude，andtheyfounditworthtarryingfor。
　　Shefilledone'sideaofwhatanempressoughttobe，whensheroseupinherunapproachablegrandeurandmovedsuperblyoutofthatplace。
　　WewerenotatLeukintimetoseeheratherheaviestweight。
　　Shehadsufferedfromcorpulenceandhadcometheretogetridofherextrafleshinthebaths。Fiveweeksofsoaking——
　　fiveuninterruptedhoursofiteveryday——hadaccomplishedherpurposeandreducedhertotherightproportions。
　　Thosebathsremovefat，andalsoskin-diseases。Thepatientsremaininthegreattanksforhoursatatime。
　　Adozengentlemenandladiesoccupyatanktogether，andamusethemselveswithrompingsandvariousgames。
　　Theyhavefloatingdesksandtables，andtheyreadorlunchorplaychessinwaterthatisbreast-deep。Thetouristcanstepinandviewthisnovelspectacleifhechooses。
　　There'sapoor-box，andhewillhavetocontribute。
　　Thereareseveralofthesebigbathing-houses，andyoucanalwaystellwhenyouarenearoneofthembytherompingnoisesandshoutsoflaughterthatproceedfromit。
　　Thewaterisrunningwater，andchangesallthetime，elseapatientwitharingwormmighttakethebathwithonlyapartialsuccess，since，whilehewasriddinghimselfoftheringworm，hemightcatchtheitch。
　　Thenextmorningwewanderedbackupthegreenvalley，leisurely，withthecurvingwallsofthosebareandstupendousprecipicesrisingintothecloudsbeforeus。
　　Ihadneverseenaclean，bareprecipicestretchingupfivethousandfeetabovemebefore，andInevershallexpecttoseeanotherone。Theyexist，perhaps，butnotinplaceswhereonecaneasilygetclosetothem。
　　Thispileofstoneispeculiar。Fromitsbasetothesoaringtopsofitsmightytowers，allitslinesandallitsdetailsvaguelysuggesthumanarchitecture。
　　Therearerudimentarybow-windows，cornices，chimneys，demarcationsofstories，etc。Onecouldsitandstareupthereandstudythefeaturesandexquisitegracesofthisgrandstructure，bitbybit，anddayafterday，andneverwearyhisinterest。Thetermination，towardthetown，observedinprofile，istheperfectionofshape。
　　Itcomesdownoutofthecloudsinasuccessionofrounded，colossal，terracelikeprojections——astairwayforthegods；
　　atitsheadspringseveralloftystorm-scarredtowers，oneafteranother，withfaintfilmsofvaporcurlingalwaysaboutthemlikespectralbanners。Iftherewereakingwhoserealmsincludedthewholeworld，herewouldbetheplacemeetandproperforsuchamonarch。Hewouldonlyneedtohollowitoutandputintheelectriclight。
　　Hecouldgiveaudiencetoanationatatimeunderitsroof。
　　Oursearchforthoseremainshavingfailed，weinspectedwithaglassthedimanddistanttrackofanold-timeavalanchethatoncesweptdownfromsomepine-grownsummitsbehindthetownandsweptawaythehousesandburiedthepeople；
　　thenwestruckdowntheroadthatleadstowardtheRhone，toseethefamousLadders。Theseperilousthingsarebuiltagainsttheperpendicularfaceofaclifftwoorthreehundredfeethigh。Thepeasants，ofbothsexes，wereclimbingupanddownthem，withheavyloadsontheirbacks。IorderedHarristomaketheascent，soI
　　couldputthethrillandhorrorofitinmybook，andheaccomplishedthefeatsuccessfully，thoughasubagent，forthreefrancs，whichIpaid。ItmakesmeshudderyetwhenIthinkofwhatIfeltwhenIwasclingingtherebetweenheavenandearthinthepersonofthatproxy。
　　Attimestheworldswamaroundme，andIcouldhardlykeepfromlettinggo，sodizzyingwastheappallingdanger。
　　Manyapersonwouldhavegivenupanddescended，butIstucktomytask，andwouldnotyielduntilIhadaccomplishedit。
　　Ifeltajustprideinmyexploit，butIwouldnothaverepeateditforthewealthoftheworld。Ishallbreakmyneckyetwithsomesuchfoolhardyperformance，forwarningsneverseemtohaveanylastingeffectonme。
　　WhenthepeopleofthehotelfoundthatIhadbeenclimbingthosecrazyLadders，itmademeanobjectofconsiderableattention。
　　Nextmorning，early，wedrovetotheRhonevalleyandtookthetrainforVisp。Thereweshoulderedourknapsacksandthings，andsetoutonfoot，inatremendousrain，upthewindinggorge，towardZermatt。Hourafterhourwesloppedalong，bytheroaringtorrent，andundernobleLesserAlpswhichwereclothedinrichvelvetygreenallthewayupandhadlittleatomySwisshomesperchedupongrassybenchesalongtheirmist-dimmedheights。
　　Theraincontinuedtopourandthetorrenttoboom，andwecontinuedtoenjoyboth。Attheonespotwherethistorrenttosseditswhitemanehighest，andthunderedloudest，andlashedthebigbouldersfiercest，thecantonhaddoneitselfthehonortobuildtheflimsiestwoodenbridgethatexistsintheworld。Whilewewerewalkingoverit，alongwithapartyofhorsemen，Inoticedthateventhelargerraindropsmadeitshake。IcalledHarris'sattentiontoit，andhenoticedit，too。ItseemedtomethatifIownedanelephantthatwasakeepsake，andIthoughtagooddealofhim，IwouldthinktwicebeforeIwouldridehimoverthatbridge。
　　WeclimbeduptothevillageofSt。Nicholas，abouthalfpastfourintheafternoon，wadedankle-deepthroughthefertilizer-juice，andstoppedatanewandnicehotelclosebythelittlechurch。Westrippedandwenttobed，andsentourclothesdowntobebaked。Andthehordeofsoakedtouristsdidthesame。Thatchaosofclothinggotmixedinthekitchen，andtherewereconsequences。
　　IdidnotgetbackthesamedrawersIsentdown，whenourthingscameupatsix-fifteen；Igotapaironanewplan。
　　Theyweremerelyapairofwhiteruffle-cuffedabsurdities，hitchedtogetheratthetopwithanarrowband，andtheydidnotcomequitedowntomyknees。Theywereprettyenough，buttheymademefeelliketwopeople，anddisconnectedatthat。Themanmusthavebeenanidiotthatgothimselfuplikethat，toroughitintheSwissmountains。
　　Theshirttheybroughtmewasshorterthanthedrawers，andhadn'tanysleevestoit——atleastithadn'tanythingmorethanwhatMr。Darwinwouldcall"rudimentary"sleeves；
　　thesehad"edging"aroundthem，butthebosomwasridiculouslyplain。Theknitsilkundershirttheybroughtmewasonanewplan，andwasreallyasensiblething；
　　itopenedbehind，andhadpocketsinittoputyourshoulder-bladesin；buttheydidnotseemtofitmine，andsoIfounditasortofuncomfortablegarment。
　　Theygavemybobtailcoattosomebodyelse，andsentmeanulstersuitableforagiraffe。Ihadtotiemycollaron，becausetherewasnobuttonbehindonthatfoolishlittleshirtwhichIdescribedawhileago。
　　WhenIwasdressedfordinneratsix-thirty，Iwastoolooseinsomeplacesandtootightinothers，andaltogetherI
　　feltslovenlyandill-conditioned。However，thepeopleatthetabled'ho^tewerenobetteroffthanIwas；
　　theyhadeverybody'sclothesbuttheirownon。Alongstrangerrecognizedhisulsterassoonashesawthetailofitfollowingmein，butnobodyclaimedmyshirtormydrawers，thoughIdescribedthemaswellasIwasable。
　　IgavethemtothechambermaidthatnightwhenIwenttobed，andsheprobablyfoundtheowner，formyownthingswereonachairoutsidemydoorinthemorning。
　　TherewasalovableEnglishclergymanwhodidnotgettothetabled'ho^teatall。Hisbreecheshadturnedupmissing，andwithoutanyequivalent。
　　Hesaidhewasnotmoreparticularthanotherpeople，buthehadnoticedthataclergymanatdinnerwithoutanybreecheswasalmostsuretoexciteremark。
　　[TheFiendishFunofAlp-climbing]
　　WedidnotoversleepatSt。Nicholas。Thechurch-bellbegantoringatfour-thirtyinthemorning，andfromthelengthoftimeitcontinuedtoringIjudgedthatittakestheSwisssinneragoodwhiletogettheinvitationthroughhishead。Mostchurch-bellsintheworldareofpoorquality，andhaveaharshandraspingsoundwhichupsetsthetemperandproducesmuchsin，buttheSt。Nicholasbellisagooddealtheworstonethathasbeencontrivedyet，andispeculiarlymaddeninginitsoperation。Still，itmayhaveitsrightanditsexcusetoexist，forthecommunityispoorandnoteverycitizencanaffordaclock，perhaps；buttherecannotbeanyexcuseforourchurch-bellsathome，fortheirisnofamilyinAmericawithoutaclock，andconsequentlythereisnofairpretextfortheusualSundaymedleyofdreadfulsoundsthatissuesfromoursteeples。ThereismuchmoreprofanityinAmericaonSundaythanisallintheothersixdaysoftheweekputtogether，anditisofamorebitterandmalignantcharacterthantheweek-dayprofanity，too。
　　Itisproducedbythecracked-potclangorofthecheapchurch-bells。
　　Webuildourchurchesalmostwithoutregardtocost；
　　werearanedificewhichisanadornmenttothetown，andwegildit，andfrescoit，andmortgageit，anddoeverythingwecanthinkoftoperfectit，andthenspoilitallbyputtingabellonitwhichafflictseverybodywhohearsit，givingsometheheadache，othersSt。Vitus'sdance，andtheresttheblindstaggers。
　　AnAmericanvillageatteno'clockonasummerSundayisthequietestandpeacefulestandholiestthinginnature；
　　butitisaprettydifferentthinghalfanhourlater。
　　Mr。Poe'spoemofthe"Bells"standsincompletetothisday；
　　butitiswellenoughthatitisso，forthepublicreciteror"reader"whogoesaroundtryingtoimitatethesoundsofthevarioussortsofbellswithhisvoicewouldfindhimself"upastump"whenhegottothechurch-bell——
　　asJosephAddisonwouldsay。Thechurchisalwaystryingtogetotherpeopletoreform；itmightnotbeabadideatoreformitselfalittle，bywayofexample。Itisstillclingingtooneortwothingswhichwereusefulonce，butwhicharenotusefulnow，neitheraretheyornamental。
　　Oneisthebell-ringingtoremindaclock-cakedtownthatitischurch-time，andanotheristhereadingfromthepulpitofatediouslistof"notices"whicheverybodywhoisinterestedhasalreadyreadinthenewspaper。
　　Theclergymanevenreadsthehymnthrough——arelicofanancienttimewhenhymn-booksarescarceandcostly；
　　buteverybodyhasahymn-book，now，andsothepublicreadingisnolongernecessary。Itisnotmerelyunnecessary，itisgenerallypainful；fortheaverageclergymancouldnotfireintohiscongregationwithashotgunandhitaworsereaderthanhimself，unlesstheweaponscatteredshamefully。
　　Iamnotmeaningtobeflippantandirreverent，Iamonlymeaningtobetruthful。Theaverageclergyman，inallcountriesandofalldenominations，isaverybadreader。
　　OnewouldthinkhewouldatleastlearnhowtoreadtheLord'sPrayer，byandby，butitisnotso。Heracesthroughitasifhethoughtthequickerhegotitin，thesooneritwouldbeanswered。Apersonwhodoesnotappreciatetheexceedingvalueofpauses，anddoesnotknowhowtomeasuretheirdurationjudiciously，cannotrenderthegrandsimplicityanddignityofacompositionlikethateffectively。
　　Wetookatolerablyearlybreakfast，andtrampedofftowardZermattthroughthereekinglanesofthevillage，gladtogetawayfromthatbell。Byandbywehadafinespectacleonourright。Itwasthewall-likebuttendofahugeglacier，whichlookeddownonusfromanAlpineheightwhichwaswellupinthebluesky。Itwasanastonishingamountoficetobecompactedtogetherinonemass。
　　Weciphereduponitanddecidedthatitwasnotlessthanseveralhundredfeetfromthebaseofthewallofsolidicetothetopofit——Harrisbelieveditwasreallytwicethat。WejudgedthatifSt。Paul's，St。Peter's，theGreatPyramid，theStrasburgCathedralandtheCapitolinWashingtonwereclusteredagainstthatwall，amansittingonitsupperedgecouldnothanghishatonthetopofanyoneofthemwithoutreachingdownthreeorfourhundredfeet——athingwhich，ofcourse，nomancoulddo。
　　Tome，thatmightyglacierwasverybeautiful。Ididnotimaginethatanybodycouldfindfaultwithit；butI
　　wasmistaken。Harrishadbeensnarlingforseveraldays。
　　HewasarabidProtestant，andhewasalwayssaying:
　　"IntheProtestantcantonsyouneverseesuchpovertyanddirtandsqualorasyoudointhisCatholicone；
　　youneverseethelanesandalleysflowingwithfoulness；
　　youneverseesuchwretchedlittlestiesofhouses；
　　youneverseeaninvertedtinturnipontopofachurchforadome；andasforachurch-bell，why，youneverhearachurch-bellatall。"
　　Allthismorninghehadbeenfindingfault，straightalong。
　　Firstitwaswiththemud。Hesaid，"Itain'tmuddyinaProtestantcantonwhenitrains。"Thenitwaswiththedogs:
　　"Theydon'thavethoselop-eareddogsinaProtestantcanton。"
　　Thenitwaswiththeroads:"Theydon'tleavetheroadstomakethemselvesinaProtestantcanton，thepeoplemakethem——andtheymakearoadthatISaroad，too。"Nextitwasthegoats:"YouneverseeagoatsheddingtearsinaProtestantcanton——agoat，there，isoneofthecheerfulestobjectsinnature。"Nextitwasthechamois:
　　"YouneverseeaProtestantchamoisactlikeoneofthese——
　　theytakeabiteortwoandgo；butthesefellowscampwithyouandstay。"Thenitwastheguide-boards:"InaProtestantcantonyoucouldn'tgetlostifyouwantedto，butyouneverseeaguide-boardinaCatholiccanton。"
　　Next，"Youneverseeanyflower-boxesinthewindows，here——neveranythingbutnowandthenacat——atorpidone；
　　butyoutakeaProtestantcanton:windowsperfectlylovelywithflowers——andasforcats，there'sjustacresofthem。
　　Thesefolksinthiscantonleavearoadtomakeitself，andthenfineyouthreefrancsifyou'trot'overit——
　　asifahorsecouldtrotoversuchasarcasmofaroad。"
　　Nextaboutthegoiter:"THEYtalkaboutgoiter!——Ihaven'tseenagoiterinthiswholecantonthatIcouldn'tputinahat。"
　　Hehadgrowledateverything，butIjudgeditwouldpuzzlehimtofindanythingthematterwiththismajesticglacier。
　　Iintimatedasmuch；buthewasready，andsaidwithsurlydiscontent:"YououghttoseethemintheProtestantcantons。"
　　Thisirritatedme。ButIconcealedthefeeling，andasked:
　　"Whatisthematterwiththisone?"
　　"Matter?Why，itain'tinanykindofcondition。
　　Theynevertakeanycareofaglacierhere。Themorainehasbeenspillinggravelaroundit，andgotitalldirty。"
　　"Why，man，THEYcan'thelpthat。"
　　"THEY?You'reright。Thatis，theyWON'T。Theycouldiftheywantedto。YouneverseeaspeckofdirtonaProtestantglacier。LookattheRhoneglacier。
　　Itisfifteenmileslong，andsevenhundredfeetthink。
　　IfthiswasaProtestantglacieryouwouldn'tseeitlookinglikethis，Icantellyou。"
　　"Thatisnonsense。Whatwouldtheydowithit?"
　　"Theywouldwhitewashit。Theyalwaysdo。"
　　Ididnotbelieveawordofthis，butratherthanhavetroubleIletitgo；foritisawasteofbreathtoarguewithabigot。IevendoubtediftheRhoneglacierWAS
　　inaProtestantcanton；butIdidnotknow，soIcouldnotmakeanythingbycontradictingamanwhowouldprobablyputmedownatoncewithmanufacturedevidence。
　　AboutninemilesfromSt。NicholaswecrossedabridgeovertheragingtorrentoftheVisp，andcametoalogstripofflimsyfencingwhichwaspretendingtosecurepeoplefromtumblingoveraperpendicularwallfortyfeethighandintotheriver。Threechildrenwereapproaching；
　　oneofthem，alittlegirl，abouteightyearsold，wasrunning；whenprettyclosetousshestumbledandfell，andherfeetshotundertherailofthefenceandforamomentprojectedoverthestream。Itgaveusasharpshock，forwethoughtshewasgone，sure，forthegroundslantedsteeply，andtosaveherselfseemedasheerimpossibility；
　　butshemanagedtoscrambleup，andranbyuslaughing。
　　Wewentforwardandexaminedtheplaceandsawthelongtrackswhichherfeethadmadeinthedirtwhentheydartedovertheverge。Ifshehadfinishedhertripshewouldhavestrucksomebigrocksintheedgeofthewater，andthenthetorrentwouldhavesnatchedherdownstreamamongthehalf-coveredbouldersandshewouldhavebeenpoundedtopulpintwominutes。Wehadcomeexceedinglynearwitnessingherdeath。
　　AndnowHarris'scontrarynatureandinbornselfishnesswerestrikingmanifested。Hehasnospiritofself-denial。
　　Hebeganstraightoff，andcontinuedforanhour，toexpresshisgratitudethatthechildwasnotdestroyed。
　　Ineversawsuchaman。Thatwasthekindofpersonhewas；
　　justsoHEwasgratified，henevercaredanythingaboutanybodyelse。Ihadnoticedthattraitinhim，overandoveragain。Often，ofcourse，itwasmereheedlessness，merewantofreflection。Doubtlessthismayhavebeenthecaseinmostinstances，butitwasnotthelesshardtobaronthataccount——andafterall，itsbottom，itsgroundwork，wasselfishness。Thereisnoavoidingthatconclusion。Intheinstanceunderconsideration，Ididthinktheindecencyofrunningoninthatwaymightoccurtohim；butno，thechildwassavedandhewasglad，thatwassufficient——hecarednotastrawforMYfeelings，ormylossofsuchaliteraryplum，snatchedfrommyverymouthattheinstantitwasreadytodropintoit。
　　Hisselfishnesswassufficienttoplacehisowngratificationinbeingsparedsufferingclearbeforeallconcernforme，hisfriend。Apparently，hedidnotoncereflectuponthevaluabledetailswhichwouldhavefallenlikeawindfalltome:fishingthechildout——witnessingthesurpriseofthefamilyandthestirthethingwouldhavemadeamongthepeasants——thenaSwissfuneral——thentheroadsidemonument，tobepaidforbyusandhaveournamesmentionedinit。
　　AndweshouldhavegoneintoBaedekerandbeenimmortal。
　　Iwassilent。Iwastoomuchhurttocomplain。Ifhecouldactso，andbesoheedlessandsofrivolousatsuchatime，andactuallyseemtogloryinit，afterallIhaddoneforhim，IwouldhavecutmyhandoffbeforeIwouldlethimseethatIwaswounded。
　　WewereapproachingZermatt；consequently，wewereapproachingtherenownedMatterhorn。Amonthbefore，thismountainhadbeenonlyanametous，butlatterlywehadbeenmovingthroughasteadilythickeningdoublerowofpicturesofit，doneinoil，water，chromo，wood，steel，copper，crayon，andphotography，andsoithadatlengthbecomeashapetous——andaverydistinct，decided，andfamiliarone，too。Wewereexpectingtorecognizethatmountainwheneverorwhereverweshouldrunacrossit。
　　Wewerenotdeceived。Themonarchwasfarawaywhenwefirstsawhim，buttherewasnosuchthingasmistakinghim。
　　Hehastherarepeculiarityofstandingbyhimself；
　　heispeculiarlysteep，too，andisalsomostoddlyshaped。
　　Hetowersintotheskylikeacolossalwedge，withtheupperthirdofitsbladebentalittletotheleft。
　　Thebroadbaseofthismonsterwedgeisplanteduponagrandglacier-pavedAlpineplatformwhoseelevationistenthousandfeetabovesea-level；asthewedgeitselfissomefivethousandfeethigh，itfollowsthatitsapexisaboutfifteenthousandfeetabovesea-level。
　　Sothewholebulkofthisstatelypieceofrock，thissky-cleavingmonolith，isabovethelineofeternalsnow。
　　Yetwhileallitsgiantneighborshavethelookofbeingbuiltofsolidsnow，fromtheirwaistsup，theMatterhornstandsblackandnakedandforbidding，theyearround，ormerelypowderedorstreakedwithwhiteinplaces，foritssidesaresosteepthatthesnowcannotstaythere。
　　Itsstrangeform，itsaugustisolation，anditsmajesticunkinshipwithitsownkind，makeit——sotospeak——theNapoleonofthemountainworld。"Grand，gloomy，andpeculiar，"
　　isaphrasewhichfitsitasaptlyasitfittedthegreatcaptain。
　　Thinkofamonumentamilehigh，standingonapedestaltwomileshigh!ThisiswhattheMatterhornis——amonument。
　　Itsoffice，henceforth，foralltime，willbetokeepwatchandwardoverthesecretresting-placeoftheyoungLordDouglas，who，in1865，wasprecipitatedfromthesummitoveraprecipicefourthousandfeethigh，andneverseenagain。Nomaneverhadsuchamonumentasthisbefore；
　　themostimposingoftheworld'sothermonumentsarebutatomscomparedtoit；andtheywillperish，andtheirplaceswillpassfrommemory，butthiswillremain。[1]
　　1。TheaccidentwhichcostLordDouglashislifeseeChapterxiialsocostthelivesofthreeothermen。
　　Thesethreefellfour-fifthsofamile，andtheirbodieswereafterwardfound，lyingsidebyside，uponaglacier，whencetheywerebornetoZermattandburiedinthechurchyard。
　　TheremainsofLordDouglashaveneverbeenfound。
　　Thesecretofhissepulture，likethatofMoses，mustremainamysteryalways。
　　AwalkfromSt。NicholastoZermattisawonderfulexperience。
　　Natureisbuiltonastupendousplaninthatregion。
　　Onemarchescontinuallybetweenwallsthatarepiledintotheskies，withtheirupperheightsbrokenintoaconfusionofsublimeshapesthatgleamwhiteandcoldagainstthebackgroundofblue；andhereandthereoneseesabigglacierdisplayingitsgrandeursonthetopofaprecipice，oragracefulcascadeleapingandflashingdownthegreendeclivities。Thereisnothingtame，orcheap，ortrivial——itisallmagnificent。Thatshortvalleyisapicture-galleryofanotablekind，foritcontainsnomediocrities；fromendtoendtheCreatorhashungitwithHismasterpieces。
　　WemadeZermattatthreeintheafternoon，ninehoursoutfromSt。Nicholas。Distance，byguide-book，twelvemiles；
　　bypedometerseventy-two。Wewereintheheartandhomeofthemountain-climbers，now，asallvisiblethingstestified。Thesnow-peaksdidnotholdthemselvesaloof，inaristocraticreserve；theynestledclosearound，inafriendly，sociableway；guides，withtheropesandaxesandotherimplementsoftheirfearfulcallingslungabouttheirpersons，roostedinalonglineuponastonewallinfrontofthehotel，andwaitedforcustomers；
　　sun-burntclimbers，inmountaineeringcostume，andfollowedbytheirguidesandporters，arrivedfromtimetotime，frombreakneckexpeditionsamongthepeaksandglaciersoftheHighAlps；maleandfemaletourists，onmules，filedby，inacontinuousprocession，hotelward-boundfromwildadventureswhichwouldgrowingrandeurverytimetheyweredescribedattheEnglishorAmericanfireside，andatlastoutgrowthepossibleitself。
　　Wewerenotdreaming；thiswasnotamake-believehomeoftheAlp-climber，createdbyourheatedimaginations；
　　no，forherewasMr。Girdlestonehimself，thefamousEnglishmanwhohuntshiswaytothemostformidableAlpinesummitswithoutaguide。IwasnotequaltoimaginingaGirdlestone；itwasallIcoulddotoevenrealizehim，whilelookingstraightathimatshortrange。IwouldratherfacewholeHydeParksofartillerythantheghastlyformsofdeathwhichhehasfacedamongthepeaksandprecipicesofthemountains。ThereisprobablynopleasureequaltothepleasureofclimbingadangerousAlp；butitisapleasurewhichisconfinedstrictlytopeoplewhocanfindpleasureinit。Ihavenotjumpedtothisconclusion；
　　Ihavetraveledtoitpergravel-train，sotospeak。
　　Ihavethoughtthethingallout，andamquitesureI
　　amright。Abornclimber'sappetiteforclimbingishardtosatisfy；whenitcomesuponhimheislikeastarvingmanwithafeastbeforehim；hemayhaveotherbusinessonhand，butitmustwait。Mr。GirdlestonehadhadhisusualsummerholidayintheAlps，andhadspentitinhisusualway，huntingforuniquechancestobreakhisneck；hisvacationwasover，andhisluggagepackedforEngland，butallofasuddenahungerhadcomeuponhimtoclimbthetremendousWeisshornoncemore，forhehadheardofanewandutterlyimpossiblerouteupit。
　　Hisbaggagewasunpackedatonce，andnowheandafriend，ladenwithknapsacks，ice-axes，coilsofrope，andcanteensofmilk，werejustsettingout。Theywouldspendthenighthighupamongthesnows，somewhere，andgetupattwointhemorningandfinishtheenterprise。
　　Ihadastrongdesiretogowiththem，butforceditdown——
　　afeatwhichMr。Girdlestone，withallhisfortitude，couldnotdo。
　　Evenladiescatchtheclimbingmania，andareunabletothrowitoff。Afamousclimber，ofthatsex，hadattemptedtheWeisshornafewdaysbeforeourarrival，andsheandherguideshadlosttheirwayinasnow-stormhighupamongthepeaksandglaciersandbeenforcedtowanderaroundagoodwhilebeforetheycouldfindawaydown。
　　Whenthisladyreachedthebottom，shehadbeenonherfeettwenty-threehours!
　　Ourguides，hiredontheGemmi，werealreadyatZermattwhenwereachedthere。Sotherewasnothingtointerferewithourgettingupanadventurewheneverweshouldchoosethetimeandtheobject。IresolvedtodevotemyfirsteveninginZermatttostudyingupthesubjectofAlpineclimbing，bywayofpreparation。