Thatisacaseofreallyunjustifiablecompounding；
becauseitnotonlysavesnotimeortrouble，butconfersatitleonMrs。Johnsonwhichshehasnorightto。
Buttheselittleinstancesaretriflesindeed，contrastedwiththeponderousanddismalGermansystemofpilingjumbledcompoundstogether。Iwishtosubmitthefollowinglocalitem，fromaMannheimjournal，bywayofillustration:
"Inthedaybeforeyesterdayshortlyaftereleveno'clockNight，theinthistownstandingtaverncalled'TheWagoner'wasdownburnt。
WhenthefiretotheonthedownburninghouserestingStork'sNestreached，flewtheparentStorksaway。Butwhenthebytheraging，firesurroundedNestITSELFcaughtFire，straightwayplungedthequickreturningMother-StorkintotheFlamesanddied，herWingsoverheryoungonesoutspread。"
EventhecumbersomeGermanconstructionisnotabletotakethepathosoutofthatpicture——indeed，itsomehowseemstostrengthenit。Thisitemisdatedawaybackyondermonthsago。Icouldhaveuseditsooner，butI
waswaitingtohearfromtheFather-stork。Iamstillwaiting。
"ALSO!"IfIhadnotshownthattheGermanisadifficultlanguage，Ihaveatleastintendedtodoso。
IhaveheardofanAmericanstudentwhowasaskedhowhewasgettingalongwithhisGerman，andwhoansweredpromptly:"Iamnotgettingalongatall。Ihaveworkedatithardforthreelevelmonths，andallIhavegottoshowforitisonesolitaryGermanphrase——'ZWEIGLAS'"
twoglassesofbeer。Hepausedforamoment，reflectively；
thenaddedwithfeeling:"ButI'vegotthatSOLID!"
AndifIhavenotalsoshownthatGermanisaharassingandinfuriatingstudy，myexecutionhasbeenatfault，andnotmyintent。IheardlatelyofawornandsorelytriedAmericanstudentwhousedtoflytoacertainGermanwordforreliefwhenhecouldbearupunderhisaggravationsnolonger——theonlywordwhosesoundwassweetandprecioustohisearandhealingtohislaceratedspirit。
ThiswasthewordDAMIT。ItwasonlytheSOUNDthathelpedhim，notthemeaning；[3]andso，atlast，whenhelearnedthattheemphasiswasnotonthefirstsyllable，hisonlystayandsupportwasgone，andhefadedawayanddied。
3。Itmerelymeans，initsgeneralsense，"herewith。"
Ithinkthatadescriptionofanyloud，stirring，tumultuousepisodemustbetamerinGermanthaninEnglish。
Ourdescriptivewordsofthischaracterhavesuchadeep，strong，resonantsound，whiletheirGermanequivalentsdoseemsothinandmildandenergyless。
Boom，burst，crash，roar，storm，bellow，blow，thunder，explosion；howl，cry，shout，yell，groan；battle，hell。
Thesearemagnificentwords；thehaveaforceandmagnitudeofsoundbefittingthethingswhichtheydescribe。
ButtheirGermanequivalentswouldbeeversonicetosingthechildrentosleepwith，orelsemyawe-inspiringearsweremadefordisplayandnotforsuperiorusefulnessinanalyzingsounds。WouldanymanwanttodieinabattlewhichwascalledbysotameatermasaSCHLACHT?
Orwouldnotacomsumptivefeeltoomuchbundledup，whowasabouttogoout，inashirt-collarandaseal-ring，intoastormwhichthebird-songwordGEWITTERwasemployedtodescribe?AndobservethestrongestoftheseveralGermanequivalentsforexplosion——AUSBRUCH。OurwordToothbrushismorepowerfulthanthat。ItseemstomethattheGermanscoulddoworsethanimportitintotheirlanguagetodescribeparticularlytremendousexplosionswith。
TheGermanwordforhell——Ho"lle——soundsmorelikeHELLY
thananythingelse；therefore，hownecessarychipper，frivolous，andunimpressiveitis。IfamanweretoldinGermantogothere，couldhereallyrisetotheedignityoffeelinginsulted?
Havingpointedout，indetail，theseveralvicesofthislanguage，Inowcometothebriefandpleasanttaskofpointingoutitsvirtues。ThecapitalizingofthenounsIhavealreadymentioned。Butfarbeforethisvirtuestandsanother——thatofspellingawordaccordingtothesoundofit。
Afteroneshortlessoninthealphabet，thestudentcantellhowanyGermanwordispronouncedwithouthavingtoask；
whereasinourlanguageifastudentshouldinquireofus，"WhatdoesB，O，W，spell?"weshouldbeobligedtoreply，"Nobodycantellwhatitspellswhenyousetifoffbyitself；
youcanonlytellbyreferringtothecontextandfindingoutwhatitsignifies——whetheritisathingtoshootarrowswith，oranodofone'shead，ortheforwardendofaboat。"
TherearesomeGermanwordswhicharesingularlyandpowerfullyeffective。Forinstance，thosewhichdescribelowly，peaceful，andaffectionatehomelife；
thosewhichdealwithlove，inanyandallforms，frommerekindlyfeelingandhonestgoodwilltowardthepassingstranger，clearuptocourtship；thosewhichdealwithoutdoorNature，initssoftestandloveliestaspects——withmeadowsandforests，andbirdsandflowers，thefragranceandsunshineofsummer，andthemoonlightofpeacefulwinternights；inaword，thosewhichdealwithanyandallformsofrest，respose，andpeace；thosealsowhichdealwiththecreaturesandmarvelsoffairyland；
andlastlyandchiefly，inthosewordswhichexpresspathos，isthelanguagesurpassinglyrichandaffective。ThereareGermansongswhichcanmakeastrangertothelanguagecry。
ThatshowsthattheSOUNDofthewordsiscorrect——itinterpretsthemeaningswithtruthandwithexactness；
andsotheearisinformed，andthroughtheear，theheart。
TheGermansdonotseemtobeafraidtorepeatawordwhenitistherightone。theyrepeatitseveraltimes，iftheychoose。Thatiswise。ButinEnglish，whenwehaveusedawordacoupleoftimesinaparagraph，weimaginewearegrowingtautological，andsoweareweakenoughtoexchangeitforsomeotherwordwhichonlyapproximatesexactness，toescapewhatwewronglyfancyisagreaterblemish。Repetitionmaybebad，butsurelyinexactnessisworse——
Therearepeopleintheworldwhowilltakeagreatdealoftroubletopointoutthefaultsinareligionoralanguage，andthengoblandlyabouttheirbusinesswithoutsuggestinganyremedy。Iamnotthatkindofperson。IhaveshownthattheGermanlanguageneedsreforming。Verywell，Iamreadytoreformit。
AtleastIamreadytomakethepropersuggestions。
Suchacourseasthismightbeimmodestinanother；butI
havedevotedupwardofninefullweeks，firstandlast，toacarefulandcriticalstudyofthistongue，andthushaveacquiredaconfidenceinmyabilitytoreformitwhichnomeresuperficialculturecouldhaveconferreduponme。
Inthefirstplace，IwouldleaveouttheDativecase。
Itconfusestheplurals；and，besides，nobodyeverknowswhenheisintheDativecase，excepthediscoveritbyaccident——andthenhedoesnotknowwhenorwhereitwasthathegotintoit，orhowlonghehasbeeninit，orhowheisgoingtogetoutofitagain。TheDativecaseisbutanornamentalfolly——itisbettertodiscardit。
Inthenextplace，IwouldmovetheVerbfurtheruptothefront。YoumayloadupwitheversogoodaVerb，butInoticethatyouneverreallybringdownasubjectwithitatthepresentGermanrange——youonlycrippleit。
SoIinsistthatthisimportantpartofspeechshouldbebroughtforwardtoapositionwhereitmaybeeasilyseenwiththenakedeye。
Thirdly，IwouldimportsomestrongwordsfromtheEnglishtongue——toswearwith，andalsotouseindescribingallsortsofvigorousthingsinavigorousways。[4]
4。"Verdammt，"anditsvariationsandenlargements，arewordswhichhaveplentyofmeaning，buttheSOUNDS
aresomildandineffectualthatGermanladiescanusethemwithoutsin。Germanladieswhocouldnotbeinducedtocommitasinbyanypersuasionorcompulsion，promptlyripoutoneoftheseharmlesslittlewordswhentheyteartheirdressesordon'tlikethesoup。Itsoundsaboutaswickedasour"Mygracious。"Germanladiesareconstantlysaying，"Ach!Gott!""MeinGott!""GottinHimmel!""HerrGott"
"DerHerrJesus!"etc。Theythinkourladieshavethesamecustom，perhaps；forIonceheardagentleandlovelyoldGermanladysaytoasweetyoungAmericangirl:
"Thetwolanguagesaresoalike——howpleasantthatis；
wesay'Ach!Gott!'yousay'Goddamn。'"
Fourthly，Iwouldreorganizesthesexes，anddistributethemaccordinglytothewillofthecreator。Thisasatributeofrespect，ifnothingelse。
Fifthly，Iwoulddoawaywiththosegreatlongcompoundedwords；orrequirethespeakertodelivertheminsections，withintermissionsforrefreshments。
Towhollydoawaywiththemwouldbebest，forideasaremoreeasilyreceivedanddigestedwhentheycomeoneatatimethanwhentheycomeinbulk。Intellectualfoodislikeanyother；itispleasanterandmorebeneficialtotakeitwithaspoonthanwithashovel。
Sixthly，Iwouldrequireaspeakertostopwhenheisdone，andnothangastringofthoseuseless"havensindgewesengehabthabengewordenseins"totheendofhisoration。
Thissortofgewgawsundignifyaspeech，insteadofaddingagrace。Theyare，therefore，anoffense，andshouldbediscarded。
Seventhly，IwoulddiscardtheParenthesis。Alsothereparenthesis，there-reparenthesis，andthere-re-re-re-re-reparentheses，andlikewisethefinalwide-reachingall-enclosingking-parenthesis。Iwouldrequireeveryindividual，behehighorlow，tounfoldaplainstraightforwardtale，orelsecoilitandsitonitandholdhispeace。
Infractionsofthislawshouldbepunishablewithdeath。
Andeighthly，andlast，IwouldretainZUGandSCHLAG，withtheirpendants，anddiscardtherestofthevocabulary。
Thiswouldsimplifythelanguage。
IhavenownamedwhatIregardasthemostnecessaryandimportantchanges。TheseareperhapsallIcouldbeexpectedtonamefornothing；butthereareothersuggestionswhichIcanandwillmakeincasemyproposedapplicationshallresultinmybeingformallyemployedbythegovernmentintheworkofreformingthelanguage。
MyphilologicalstudieshavesatisfiedmethatagiftedpersonoughttolearnEnglishbarringspellingandpronouncing
inthirtyhours，Frenchinthirtydays，andGermaninthirtyyears。Itseemsmanifest，then，thatthelattertongueoughttobetrimmeddownandrepaired。
Ifitistoremainasitis，itoughttobegentlyandreverentlysetasideamongthedeadlanguages，foronlythedeadhavetimetolearnit。
AFOURTHOFJULYORATIONINTHEGERMANTONGUE，DELIVEREDAT
ABANQUETOFTHEANGLO-AMERICANCLUBOFSTUDENTSBYTHE
AUTHOROFTHISBOOK
Gentlemen:SinceIarrived，amonthago，inthisoldwonderland，thisvastgardenofGermany，myEnglishtonguehassooftenprovedauselesspieceofbaggagetome，andsotroublesometocarryaround，inacountrywheretheyhaven'tthecheckingsystemforluggage，thatI
finallysettowork，andlearnedtheGermanlanguage。
Also!Esfreutmichdassdiessoist，dennesmuss，ineinhaupts:achlichdegree，h:oflichsein，dassmanaufeinoccasionlikethis，seinRedeindieSprachedesLandesworinheboards，aussprechensoll。Daf:urhabeich，ausreinischeVerlegenheit——no，Vergangenheit——no，I
meanHoflichkeit——ausreinisheHoflichkeithabeichresolvedtotacklethisbusinessintheGermanlanguage，umGotteswillen!Also!Siemu"ssensofreundlichsein，undverzeihmichdieinterlardingvoneinoderzweiEnglischerWorte，hieundda，dennichfindedassdiedeutscheisnotaverycopiouslanguage，andsowhenyou'vereallygotanythingtosay，you'vegottodrawonalanguagethatcanstandthestrain。
WennhabermankannnichtmeinemRedeVerstehen，sowerdeichihmsp:aterdasselbe:ubersetz，wennersolcheDienstverlangenwollenhabenwerdensollenseinh:atte。Idon'tknowwhatwollenhabenwerdensollenseinha"ttemeans，butInoticetheyalwaysputitattheendofaGermansentence——merelyforgeneralliterarygorgeousness，Isuppose。
Thisisagreatandjustlyhonoredday——adaywhichisworthyofthevenerationinwhichitisheldbythetruepatriotsofallclimesandnationalities——adaywhichoffersafruitfulthemeforthoughtandspeech；undmeinemFreunde——no，meinENFreundEN——meinESFreundES——well，takeyourchoice，they'reallthesameprice；Idon'tknowwhichoneisright——also!ichhabegehabthabenwordengewesensein，asGoethesaysinhisParadiseLost——ich——ich——thatistosay——ich——butletuschangecars。
Also!DieAnblichsovieleGrossbrittanischerundAmerikanischerhierzusammengetroffeninBruderlicheconcord，istzwarawelcomeandinspiritingspectacle。Andwhathasmovedyoutoit?CantheterseGermantonguerisetotheexpressionofthisimpulse?IsitFreundschaftsbezeigungenstadtverordneten-
versammlungenfamilieneigenth:umlichkeiten?Nein，onein!Thisisacrispandnobleword，butitfailstopiercethemarrowoftheimpulsewhichhasgatheredthisfriendlymeetingandproduceddieseAnblick——eineAnblichwelcheistgutzusehen——gutfu"rdieAugeninaforeignlandandafarcountry——eineAnblicksolchealsindiegew:ohnlicheHeidelbergerphrasenenntmanein"scho"nesAussicht!"Ja，freilichnatu"rlichwahrscheinlichebensowohl!Also!DieAussichtaufdemK:onigsstuhlmehrgr:osserist，abergeistlischesprechendnichtsoscho"n，lob'Gott!Becausesiesindhierzusammengetroffen，inBruderlichemconcord，eingrossenTagzufeirn，whosehighbenefitswerenotforonelandandonelocality，buthaveconferredameasureofgooduponalllandsthatknowlibertytoday，andloveit。HundertJahrevoru"ber，warendieEngla"nderunddieAmerikanerFeinde；
aberheutsindsieherzlichenFreunde，GottseiDank!
Maythisgood-fellowshipendure；maythesebannershereblendedinamitysoremain；maytheyneveranymorewaveoveropposinghosts，orbestainedwithbloodwhichwaskindred，iskindred，andalwayswillbekindred，untilalinedrawnuponamapshallbeabletosay:
"THISbarstheancestralbloodfromflowingintheveinsofthedescendant!"
APPENDIXE
LegendoftheCastlesCalledthe"Swallow'sNest"and"TheBrothers，"
asCondensedfromtheCaptain'sTaleIntheneighborhoodofthreehundredyearsagotheSwallow'sNestandthelargercastlebetweenitandNeckarsteinachwereownedandoccupiedbytwooldknightswhoweretwinbrothers，andbachelors。Theyhadnorelatives。
Theywereveryrich。Theyhadfoughtthroughthewarsandretiredtoprivatelife——coveredwithhonorablescars。
Theywerehonest，honorablemenintheirdealings，butthepeoplehadgiventhemacoupleofnicknameswhichwereverysuggestive——HerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartless。
Theoldknightsweresoproudofthesenamesthatifaburghercalledthembytheirrightonestheywouldcorrectthem。
ThemostrenownedscholarinEurope，atthetime，wastheHerrDoctorFranzReikmann，wholivedinHeidelberg。
AllGermanywasproudofthevenerablescholar，wholivedinthesimplestway，forgreatscholarsarealwayspoor。
Hewaspoor，astomoney，butveryrichinhissweetyoungdaughterHildegardeandhislibrary。Hehadbeenallhislifecollectinghislibrary，bookandbook，andheliveditasamiserloveshishoardedgold。
Hesaidthetwostringsofhisheartwererooted，theoneinhisdaughter，theotherinhisbooks；andthatifeitherwereseveredhemustdie。Nowinanevilhour，hopingtowinamarriageportionforhischild，thissimpleoldmanhadentrustedhissmallsavingstoasharpertobeventuredinaglitteringspeculation。Butthatwasnottheworstofit:hesignedapaper——withoutreadingit。
Thatisthewaywithpoetsandscholars；theyalwayssignwithoutreading。Thiscunningpapermadehimresponsibleforheapsofthings。Therestwasthatonenighthefoundhimselfindebttothesharpereightthousandpiecesofgold!——anamountsoprodigiousthatitsimplystupefiedhimtothinkofit。Itwasanightofwoeinthathouse。
"Imustpartwithmylibrary——Ihavenothingelse。
Soperishesoneheartstring，"saidtheoldman。
"Whatwillitbring，father?"askedthegirl。
"Nothing!Itisworthsevenhundredpiecesofgold；
butbyauctionitwillgoforlittleornothing。"
"Thenyouwillhavepartedwiththehalfofyourheartandthejoyofyourlifetonopurpose，sincesomightyofburdenofdebtwillremainbehind。"
"Thereisnohelpforit，mychild。Ourdarlingsmustpassunderthehammer。Wemustpaywhatwecan。"
"Myfather，IhaveafeelingthatthedearVirginwillcometoourhelp。Letusnotloseheart。"
"ShecannotdeviseamiraclethatwillturnNOTHINGintoeightthousandgoldpieces，andlesserhelpwillbringuslittlepeace。"
"Shecandoevengreaterthings，myfather。Shewillsaveus，Iknowshewill。"
Towardmorning，whiletheoldmansatexhaustedandasleepinhischairwherehehadbeensittingbeforehisbooksasonewhowatchesbyhisbeloveddeadandprintsthefeaturesonhismemoryforasolaceintheaftertimeofemptydesolation，hisdaughtersprangintotheroomandgentlywokehim，saying——
"Mypresentimentwastrue!Shewillsaveus。
Threetimeshassheappearedtomeinmydreams，andsaid，'GototheHerrGivenaught，gototheHerrHeartless，askthemtocomeandbid。'There，didInottellyoushewouldsaveus，thethriceblessedVirgin!"
Sadastheoldmanwas，hewasobligedtolaugh。
"Thoumightestaswellappealtotherockstheircastlesstanduponastotheharderonesthatlieinthosemen'sbreasts，mychild。THEYbidonbookswritinthelearnedtongues!——theycanscarcereadtheirown。"
ButHildegarde'sfaithwasinnowiseshaken。
BrightandearlyshewasonherwayuptheNeckarroad，asjoyousasabird。
MeantimeHerrGivenaughtandHerrHeartlesswerehavinganearlybreakfastintheformer'scastle——theSparrow'sNest——andflavoringitwithaquarrel；foralthoughthesetwinsborealoveforeachotherwhichalmostamountedtoworship，therewasonesubjectuponwhichtheycouldnottouchwithoutcallingeachotherhardnames——
andyetitwasthesubjectwhichtheyoftenesttouchedupon。
"Itellyou，"saidGivenaught，"youwillbeggaryourselfyetwithyourinsanesquanderingsofmoneyuponwhatyouchoosetoconsiderpoorandworthyobjects。
AlltheseyearsIhaveimploredyoutostopthisfoolishcustomandhusbandyourmeans，butallinvain。
Youarealwayslyingtomeaboutthesesecretbenevolences，butyouneverhavemanagedtodeceivemeyet。EverytimeapoordevilhasbeensetuponhisfeetIhavedetectedyourhandinit——incorrigibleass!"
"Everytimeyoudidn'tsethimonhisfeetyourself，youmean。WhereIgiveoneunfortunatealittleprivatelift，youdothesameforadozen。TheideaofYOURswellingaroundthecountryandpettingyourselfwiththenicknameofGivenaught——intolerablehumbug!BeforeIwouldbesuchafraudasthat，Iwouldcutmyrighthandoff。
Yourlifeisacontinuallie。Butgoon，IhavetriedMY
besttosaveyoufrombeggaringyourselfbyyourriotouscharities——nowforthethousandthtimeIwashmyhandsoftheconsequences。Amaunderingoldfool!that'swhatyouare。"
"Andyouabletheringoldidiot!"roaredGivenaught，springingup。
"Iwon'tstayinthepresenceofamanwhohasnomoredelicacythantocallmesuchnames。Mannerlessswine!"
Sosaying，HerrHeartlesssprangupinapassion。
Butsomeluckyaccidentintervened，asusual，tochangethesubject，andthedailyquarrelendedinthecustomarydailylivingreconciliation。Thegray-headedoldeccentricsparted，andHerrHeartlesswalkedofftohisowncastle。
Halfanhourlater，HildegardewasstandinginthepresenceofHerrGivenaught。Heheardherstory，andsaid——
"Iamsorryforyou，mychild，butIamverypoor，Icarenothingforbookishrubbish，Ishallnotbethere。"
Hesaidthehardwordskindly，buttheynearlybrokepoorHildegarde'sheart，nevertheless。Whenshewasgonetheoldheartbreakermuttered，rubbinghishands——
"Itwasagoodstroke。Ihavesavedmybrother'spocketthistime，inspiteofhim。Nothingelsewouldhavepreventedhisrushingofftorescuetheoldscholar，theprideofGermany，fromhistrouble。Thepoorchildwon'tventurenearHIMaftertherebuffshehasreceivedfromhisbrothertheGivenaught。"
Buthewasmistaken。TheVirginhadcommanded，andHildegardewouldobey。ShewenttoHerrHeartlessandtoldherstory。Buthesaidcoldly——
"Iamverypoor，mychild，andbooksarenothingtome。
Iwishyouwell，butIshallnotcome。"
WhenHildegardewasgone，hechuckledandsaid——
"Howmyfoolofasoft-headedsoft-heartedbrotherwouldrageifheknewhowcunninglyIhavesavedhispocket。
Howhewouldhaveflowntotheoldman'srescue!Butthegirlwon'tventurenearhimnow。"
WhenHildegardereachedhome，herfatheraskedherhowshehadprospered。Shesaid——
"TheVirginhaspromised，andshewillkeepherword；
butnotinthewayIthought。Sheknowsherownways，andtheyarebest。"
Theoldmanpattedheronthehead，andsmiledadoubtingsmile，buthehonoredherforherbravefaith，nevertheless。
II
NextdaythepeopleassembledinthegreathalloftheRittertavern，towitnesstheauction——fortheproprietorhadsaidthetreasureofGermany'smosthonoredsonshouldbebarteredawayinnomeanerplace。
Hildegardeandherfathersatclosetothebooks，silentandsorrowful，andholdingeachother'shands。
Therewasagreatcrowdofpeoplepresent。Thebiddingbegan——
"Howmuchforthispreciouslibrary，justasitstands，allcomplete?"calledtheauctioneer。
"Fiftypiecesofgold!"
"Ahundred!"
"Twohundred。"
"Three!"
"Four!"
"Fivehundred!"
"Fivetwenty-five。"
Abriefpause。
"Fiveforty!"
Alongerpause，whiletheauctioneerredoubledhispersuasions。
"Five-forty-five!"
Aheavydrag——theauctioneerpersuaded，pleaded，implored——itwasuseless，everybodyremainedsilent——
"Well，then——going，going——one——two——"
"Fivehundredandfifty!"
Thisinashrillvoice，fromabentoldman，allhungwithrags，andwithagreenpatchoverhislefteye。
Everybodyinhisvicinityturnedandgazedathim。
ItwasGivenaughtindisguise。Hewasusingadisguisedvoice，too。
"Good!"criedtheauctioneer。"Going，going——one——two——"
"Fivehundredandsixty!"
This，inadeep，harshvoice，fromthemidstofthecrowdattheotherendoftheroom。Thepeoplenearbyturned，andsawanoldman，inastrangecostume，supportinghimselfoncrutches。Heworealongwhitebeard，andbluespectacles。ItwasHerrHeartless，indisguise，andusingadisguisedvoice。
"Goodagain!Going，going——one——"
"Sixhundred!"
Sensation。Thecrowdraisedacheer，andsomeonecriedout，"Goit，Green-patch!"Thistickledtheaudienceandascoreofvoicesshouted，"Goit，Green-patch!"
"Going——going——going——thirdandlastcall——one——two——"
"Sevenhundred!"
"Huzzah!——welldone，Crutches!"criedavoice。Thecrowdtookitup，andshoutedaltogether，"Welldone，Crutches!"
"Splendid，gentlemen!youaredoingmagnificently。
Going，going——"
"Athousand!"
"ThreecheersforGreen-patch!Upandathim，Crutches!"
"Going——going——"
"Twothousand!"
Andwhilethepeoplecheeredandshouted，"Crutches"muttered，"Whocanthisdevilbethatisfightingsotogettheseuselessbooks?——Butnomatter，hesha'n'thavethem。
TheprideofGermanyshallhavehisbooksifitbeggarsmetobuythemforhim。"
"Going，going，going——"
"Threethousand!"
"Come，everybody——givearouserforGreen-patch!"
Andwhiletheydidit，"Green-patch"muttered，"Thiscrippleisplainlyalunatic；buttheoldscholarshallhavehisbooks，nevertheless，thoughmypocketsweatforit。"
"Going——going——"
"Fourthousand!"
"Huzza!"
"Fivethousand!"
"Huzza!"
"Sixthousand!"
"Huzza!"
"Seventhousand!"
"Huzza!"
"EIGHTthousand!"
"Wearesaved，father!ItoldyoutheHolyVirginwouldkeepherword!""Blessedbehersacredname!"
saidtheoldscholar，withemotion。Thecrowdroared，"Huzza，huzza，huzza——athimagain，Green-patch!"
"Going——going——"
"TENthousand!"AsGivenaughtshoutedthis，hisexcitementwassogreatthatheforgothimselfandusedhisnaturalvoice。Hebrotherrecognizedit，andmuttered，undercoverofthestormofcheers——
"Aha，youarethere，areyou，besottedoldfool?Takethebooks，Iknowwhatyou'lldowiththem!"
Sosaying，heslippedoutoftheplaceandtheauctionwasatanend。GivenaughtshoulderedhiswaytoHildegarde，whisperedawordinherear，andthenhealsovanished。
Theoldscholarandhisdaughterembraced，andtheformersaid，"TrulytheHolyMotherhasdonemorethanshepromised，child，forshehasgiveyouasplendidmarriageportion——
thinkofit，twothousandpiecesofgold!"
"Andmorestill，"criedHildegarde，"forshehasgiveyoubackyourbooks；thestrangerwhisperedmethathewouldnoneofthem——'thehonoredsonofGermanymustkeepthem，'sohesaid。IwouldImighthaveaskedhisnameandkissedhishandandbeggedhisblessing；
buthewasOurLady'sangel，anditisnotmeetthatweofearthshouldventurespeechwiththemthatdwellabove。"
APPENDIXF
GermanJournalsThedailyjournalsofHamburg，Frankfort，Baden，Munich，andAugsburgareallconstructedonthesamegeneralplan。
IspeakofthesebecauseIammorefamiliarwiththemthanwithanyotherGermanpapers。Theycontainno"editorials"whatever；no"personals"——andthisisratherameritthanademerit，perhaps；nofunny-paragraphcolumn；
nopolice-courtreports；noreportsofproceedingsofhighercourts；noinformationaboutprize-fightsorotherdog-fights，horse-races，walking-machines，yachting-contents，rifle-matches，orothersportingmattersofanysort；noreportsofbanquetspeeches；
nodepartmentofcuriousoddsandendsoffloatingfactandgossip；no"rumors"aboutanythingoranybody；
noprognosticationsorpropheciesaboutanythingoranybody；
nolistsofpatentsgrantedorsought，oranyreferencetosuchthings；noabuseofpublicofficials，bigorlittle，orcomplaintsagainstthem，orpraisesofthem；noreligiouscolumnsSaturdays，norehashofcoldsermonsMondays；
no"weatherindications"；no"localitem"unveilingofwhatishappeningintown——nothingofalocalnature，indeed，ismentioned，beyondthemovementsofsomeprince，ortheproposedmeetingofsomedeliberativebody。
Aftersoformidablealistofwhatonecan'tfindinaGermandaily，thequestionmaywellbeasked，WhatCANbefoundinit?Itiseasilyanswered:Achild'shandfuloftelegrams，mainlyaboutEuropeannationalandinternationalpoliticalmovements；letter-correspondenceaboutthesamethings；marketreports。Thereyouhaveit。
ThatiswhataGermandailyismadeof。AGermandailyistheslowestandsaddestanddreariestoftheinventionsofman。Ourowndailiesinfuriatethereader，prettyoften；theGermandailyonlystupefieshim。
OnceaweektheGermandailyofthehighestclasslightensupitsheavycolumns——thatis，itthinksitlightensthemup——withaprofound，anabysmal，bookcriticism；
acriticismwhichcarriesyoudown，down，downintothescientificbowelsofthesubject——fortheGermancriticisnothingifnotscientific——andwhenyoucomeupatlastandscentthefreshairandseethebonnydaylightoncemore，youresolvewithoutadissentingvoicethatabookcriticismisamistakenwaytolightenupaGermandaily。Sometimes，inplaceofthecriticism，thefirst-classdailygivesyouwhatitthinksisagayandchipperessay——aboutancientGrecianfuneralcustoms，ortheancientEgyptianmethodoftarringamummy，orthereasonsforbelievingthatsomeofthepeopleswhoexistedbeforetheflooddidnotapproveofcats。
Thesearenotunpleasantsubjects；theyarenotuninterestingsubjects；theyareevenexcitingsubjects——
untiloneofthesemassivescientistsgetsholdofthem。
Hesoonconvincesyouthateventhesematterscanbehandledinsuchawayastomakeapersonlow-spirited。
AsIhavesaid，theaverageGermandailyismadeupsolelyofcorrespondences——atrifleofitbytelegraph，therestofitbymail。Everyparagraphhastheside-head，"London，""Vienna，"orsomeothertown，andadate。
Andalways，beforethenameofthetown，isplacedaletterorasign，toindicatewhothecorrespondentis，sothattheauthoritiescanfindhimwhentheywanttohanghim。
Stars，crosses，triangles，squares，half-moons，suns——
sucharesomeofthesignsusedbycorrespondents。
Someofthedailiesmovetoofast，otherstooslowly。
Forinstance，myHeidelbergdailywasalwaystwenty-fourhoursoldwhenitarrivedatthehotel；butoneofmyMunicheveningpapersusedtocomeafulltwenty-fourhoursbeforeitwasdue。
Someofthelessimportantdailiesgiveoneatablespoonfulofacontinuedstoryeveryday；itisstrungacrossthebottomofthepage，intheFrenchfashion。
BysubscribingforthepaperforfiveyearsIjudgethatamanmightsucceedingettingprettymuchallofthestory。
IfyouaskacitizenofMunichwhichisthebestMunichdailyjournal，hewillalwaystellyouthatthereisonlyonegoodMunichdaily，andthatitispublishedinAugsburg，fortyorfiftymilesaway。ItislikesayingthatthebestdailypaperinNewYorkispublishedoutinNewJerseysomewhere。Yes，theAugsburgALLGEMEINE
ZEITUNGis"thebestMunichpaper，"anditistheoneI
hadinmymindwhenIwasdescribinga"first-classGermandaily"above。Theentirepaper，openedout，isnotquiteaslargeasasinglepageoftheNewYorkHERALD。
Itisprintedonbothsides，ofcourse；butinsuchlargetypethatitsentirecontentscouldbeput，inHERALDtype，uponasinglepageoftheHERALD——andtherewouldstillberoomenoughonthepagefortheZEITUNG's"supplement"
andsomeportionoftheZEITUNG'snextday'scontents。
Suchisthefirst-classdaily。ThedailiesactuallyprintedinMunichareallcalledsecond-classbythepublic。
Ifyouaskwhichisthebestofthesesecond-classpaperstheysaythereisnodifference；oneisasgoodasanother。Ihavepreservedacopyofoneofthem；
itiscalledtheMU"NCHENERTAGES-ANZEIGER，andbearsdateJanuary25，1879。Comparisonsareodious，buttheyneednotbemalicious；andwithoutanymaliceIwishtocomparethisjournalsofothercountries。
Iknowofnootherwaytoenablethereaderto"size"
thething。
AcolumnofanaveragedailypaperinAmericacontainsfrom1，800to2，500words；thereading-matterinasingleissueconsistsoffrom25，000to50，000words。
Thereading-matterinmycopyoftheMunichjournalconsistsofatotalof1，654words——forIcountedthem。
Thatwouldbenearlyacolumnofoneofourdailies。
Asingleissueofthebulkiestdailynewspaperintheworld——theLondonTIMES——oftencontains100，000wordsofreading-matter。ConsideringthattheDAILYANZEIGER
issuestheusualtwenty-sixnumberspermonth，thereadingmatterinasinglenumberoftheLondonTIMESwouldkeepitin"copy"twomonthsandahalf。
TheANZEIGERisaneight-pagepaper；itspageisoneinchwiderandoneinchlongerthanafoolscappage；
thatistosay，thedimensionsofitspagearesomewherebetweenthoseofaschoolboy'sslateandalady'spockethandkerchief。One-fourthofthefirstpageistakenupwiththeheadingofthejournal；thisgivesitarathertop-heavyappearance；therestofthefirstpageisreading-matter；allofthesecondpageisreading-matter；
theothersixpagesaredevotedtoadvertisements。
Thereading-matteriscompressedintotwohundredandfivesmall-picalines，andislightedupwitheightpicaheadlines。Thebilloffareisasfollows:First，underapicaheadline，toenforceattentionandrespect，isafour-linesermonurgingmankindtorememberthat，althoughtheyarepilgrimsherebelow，theyareyetheirsofheaven；andthat"Whentheydepartfromearththeysoartoheaven。"Perhapsafour-linesermoninaSaturdaypaperisthesufficientGermanequivalentoftheeightortencolumnsofsermonswhichtheNew-YorkersgetintheirMondaymorningpapers。Thelatestnewstwodaysold
followsthefour-linesermon，underthepicaheadline"Telegrams"——theseare"telegraphed"withapairofscissorsoutoftheAUGSBURGERZEITUNGofthedaybefore。
Thesetelegramsconsistoffourteenandtwo-thirdslinesfromBerlin，fifteenlinesfromVienna，andtwoandfive-eightslinesfromCalcutta。Thirty-threesmall-picalinesnewsinadailyjournalinaKing'sCapitalofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsissurelynotanoverdose。
Nextwehavethepicaheading，"NewsoftheDay，"
underwhichthefollowingfactsaresetforth:PrinceLeopoldisgoingonavisittoVienna，sixlines；
PrinceArnulphiscomingbackfromRussia，twolines；
theLandtagwillmeetatteno'clockinthemorningandconsideranelectionlaw，threelinesandonewordover；
acitygovernmentitem，fiveandone-halflines；
pricesofticketstotheproposedgrandCharityBall，twenty-threelines——forthisoneitemoccupiesalmostone-fourthoftheentirefirstpage；thereistobeawonderfulWagnerconcertinFrankfurt-on-the-Main，withanorchestraofonehundredandeightinstruments，sevenandone-halflines。Thatconcludesthefirstpage。
Eighty-fivelines，altogether，onthatpage，includingthreeheadlines。Aboutfiftyofthoselines，asoneperceives，dealwithlocalmatters；sothereportersarenotoverworked。
Exactlyone-halfofthesecondpageisoccupiedwithanoperacriticism，fifty-threelinesthreeofthembeingheadlines，and"DeathNotices，"tenlines。
Theotherhalfofthesecondpageismadeupoftwoparagraphsundertheheadof"MiscellaneousNews。"
OneoftheseparagraphstellsaboutaquarrelbetweentheCzarofRussiaandhiseldestson，twenty-oneandahalflines；
andtheothertellsabouttheatrociousdestructionofapeasantchildbyitsparents，fortylines，orone-fifthofthetotalofthereading-mattercontainedinthepaper。
Considerwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofanAmericandailypaperissuedinacityofonehundredandseventythousandinhabitantsamountsto!Thinkwhatamassitis。
WouldanyonesupposeIcouldsosnuglytuckawaysuchamassinachapterofthisbookthatitwouldbedifficulttofinditagaininthereaderlosthisplace?Surelynot。
Iwilltranslatethatchild-murderwordforword，togivethereaderarealizingsenseofwhatafifthpartofthereading-matterofaMunichdailyactuallyiswhenitcomesundermeasurementoftheeye:
"FromOberkreuzberg，January21st，theDONAUZEITUNG
receivesalongaccountofacrime，whichweshortenedasfollows:InRametuach，avillagenearEppenschlag，livedayoungmarriedcouplewithtwochildren，oneofwhich，aboyagedfive，wasbornthreeyearsbeforethemarriage。
Forthisreason，andalsobecausearelativeatIggensbachhadbequeathedM400$100totheboy，theheartlessfatherconsideredhimintheway；sotheunnaturalparentsdeterminedtosacrificehiminthecruelestpossiblemanner。Theyproceededtostarvehimslowlytodeath，meantimefrightfullymaltreatinghim——asthevillagepeoplenowmakeknown，whenitistoolate。
Theboywasshutinahole，andwhenpeoplepassedbyhecried，andimploredthemtogivehimbread。
Hislong-continuedtorturesanddeprivationsdestroyedhimatlast，onthethirdofJanuary。Thesuddensic
deathofthechildcreatedsuspicion，themoresoasthebodywasimmediatelyclothedandlaiduponthebier。
Thereforethecoronergavenotice，andaninquestwasheldonthe6th。Whatapitifulspectaclewasdisclosedthen!
Thebodywasacompleteskeleton。Thestomachandintestineswereutterlyempty；theycontainednothingwhatsoever。
Thefleshonthecorpsewasnotasthickasthebackofaknife，andincisionsinitbroughtnotonedropofblood。
Therewasnotapieceofsoundskinthesizeofadollaronthewholebody；wounds，scars，bruises，discoloredextravasatedblood，everywhere——evenonthesolesofthefeettherewerewounds。Thecruelparentsassertedthattheboyhadbeensobadthattheyhadbeenobligedtouseseverepunishments，andthathefinallyfelloverabenchandbrokehisneck。However，theywerearrestedtwoweeksaftertheinquestandputintheprisonatDeggendorf。"
Yes，theywerearrested"twoweeksaftertheinquest。"
Whatahomesoundthathas。ThatkindofpolicebrisknessrathermoreremindsmeofmynativelandthanGermanjournalismdoes。
IthinkaGermandailyjournaldoesn'tdoanygoodtospeakof，butatthesametimeitdoesn'tdoanyharm。
Thatisaverylargemerit，andshouldnotbelightlyweightednorlightlythoughtof。
TheGermanhumorouspapersarebeautifullyprinteduponfinepaper，andtheillustrationsarefinelydrawn，finelyengraved，andarenotvapidlyfunny，butdeliciouslyso。
Soalso，generallyspeaking，arethetwoorthreetersesentenceswhichaccompanythepictures。Irememberoneofthesepictures:Amostdilapidatedtrampisruefullycontemplatingsomecoinswhichlieinhisopenpalm。
Hesays:"Well，beggingisgettingplayedout。Onlyaboutfivemarks$1。25forthewholeday；manyanofficialmakesmore!"AndIcalltomindapictureofacommercialtravelerwhoisabouttounrollhissamples:
MERCHANTpettishly——NO，don't。Idon'twanttobuyanything!
DRUMMER——Ifyouplease，Iwasonlygoingtoshowyou——
MERCHANT——ButIdon'twishtoseethem!
DRUMMERafterapause，pleadingly——ButdoyouyoumindlettingMElookatthem!Ihaven'tseenthemforthreeweeks!