`Wasitgoodforyou?'
  Gerald'seyesnarroweduglily。Schoolhadbeentorturetohim。Yethehadnotquestionedwhetheroneshouldgothroughthistorture。Heseemedtobelieveineducationthroughsubjectionandtorment。
  `Ihateditatthetime,butIcanseeitwasnecessary,'hesaid。`Itbroughtmeintolineabit——andyoucan'tliveunlessyoudocomeintolinesomewhere。'
  `Well,'saidBirkin,`Ibegintothinkthatyoucan'tliveunlessyoukeepentirelyoutoftheline。It'snogoodtryingtotoetheline,whenyouroneimpulseistosmashuptheline。Winnieisaspecialnature,andforspecialnaturesyoumustgiveaspecialworld。'
  `Yes,butwhere'syourspecialworld?'saidGerald。
  `Makeit。Insteadofchoppingyourselfdowntofittheworld,choptheworlddowntofityourself。Asamatteroffact,twoexceptionalpeoplemakeanotherworld。YouandI,wemakeanother,separateworld。Youdon'twantaworldsameasyourbrothers—in—law。It'sjustthespecialqualityyouvalue。Doyouwanttobenormalorordinary!It'salie。Youwanttobefreeandextraordinary,inanextraordinaryworldofliberty。'
  GeraldlookedatBirkinwithsubtleeyesofknowledge。Buthewouldneveropenlyadmitwhathefelt。HeknewmorethanBirkin,inonedirection——muchmore。Andthisgavehimhisgentlelovefortheotherman,asifBirkinwereinsomewayyoung,innocent,child—like:soamazinglyclever,butincurablyinnocent。
  `Yetyouaresobanalastoconsidermechieflyafreak,'saidBirkinpointedly。
  `Afreak!'exclaimedGerald,startled。Andhisfaceopenedsuddenly,asiflightedwithsimplicity,aswhenafloweropensoutofthecunningbud。`No——Ineverconsideryouafreak。'Andhewatchedtheothermanwithstrangeeyes,thatBirkincouldnotunderstand。`Ifeel,'Geraldcontinued,`thatthereisalwaysanelementofuncertaintyaboutyou——perhapsyouareuncertainaboutyourself。ButI'mneversureofyou。Youcangoawayandchangeaseasilyasifyouhadnosoul。'
  HelookedatBirkinwithpenetratingeyes。Birkinwasamazed。Hethoughthehadallthesoulintheworld。Hestaredinamazement。AndGerald,watching,sawtheamazingattractivegoodlinessofhiseyes,ayoung,spontaneousgoodnessthatattractedtheothermaninfinitely,yetfilledhimwithbitterchagrin,becausehemistrusteditsomuch。HeknewBirkincoulddowithouthim——couldforget,andnotsuffer。ThiswasalwayspresentinGerald'sconsciousness,fillinghimwithbitterunbelief:thisconsciousnessoftheyoung,animal—likespontaneityofdetachment。Itseemedalmostlikehypocrisyandlying,sometimes,oh,often,onBirkin'spart,totalksodeeplyandimportantly。
  QuiteotherthingsweregoingthroughBirkin'smind。Suddenlyhesawhimselfconfrontedwithanotherproblem——theproblemofloveandeternalconjunctionbetweentwomen。Ofcoursethiswasnecessary——ithadbeenanecessityinsidehimselfallhislife——toloveamanpurelyandfully。
  OfcoursehehadbeenlovingGeraldallalong,andallalongdenyingit。
  Helayinthebedandwondered,whilsthisfriendsatbesidehim,lostinbrooding。Eachmanwasgoneinhisownthoughts。
  `YouknowhowtheoldGermanknightsusedtoswearaBlutbruderschaft,'
  hesaidtoGerald,withquiteanewhappyactivityinhiseyes。
  `Makealittlewoundintheirarms,andrubeachother'sbloodintothecut?'saidGerald。
  `Yes——andsweartobetruetoeachother,ofoneblood,alltheirlives。Thatiswhatweoughttodo。Nowounds,thatisobsolete。Butweoughttosweartoloveeachother,youandI,implicitly,andperfectly,finally,withoutanypossibilityofgoingbackonit。'
  HelookedatGeraldwithclear,happyeyesofdiscovery。Geraldlookeddownathim,attracted,sodeeplybondagedinfascinatedattraction,thathewasmistrustful,resentingthebondage,hatingtheattraction。
  `Wewillsweartoeachother,oneday,shallwe?'pleadedBirkin。`Wewillsweartostandbyeachother——betruetoeachother——ultimately——infallibly——giventoeachother,organically——withoutpossibilityoftakingback。'
  Birkinsoughthardtoexpresshimself。ButGeraldhardlylistened。Hisfaceshonewithacertainluminouspleasure。Hewaspleased。Buthekepthisreserve。Heheldhimselfback。
  `Shallwesweartoeachother,oneday?'saidBirkin,puttingouthishandtowardsGerald。
  Geraldjusttouchedtheextendedfine,livinghand,asifwithheldandafraid。
  `We'llleaveittillIunderstanditbetter,'hesaid,inavoiceofexcuse。
  Birkinwatchedhim。Alittlesharpdisappointment,perhapsatouchofcontemptcameintohisheart。
  `Yes,'hesaid。`Youmusttellmewhatyouthink,later。YouknowwhatImean?Notsloppyemotionalism。Animpersonalunionthatleavesonefree。'
  Theylapsedbothintosilence。BirkinwaslookingatGeraldallthetime。Heseemednowtosee,notthephysical,animalman,whichheusuallysawinGerald,andwhichusuallyhelikedsomuch,butthemanhimself,complete,andasiffated,doomed,limited。ThisstrangesenseoffatalityinGerald,asifhewerelimitedtooneformofexistence,oneknowledge,oneactivity,asortoffatalhalfness,whichtohimselfseemedwholeness,alwaysovercameBirkinaftertheirmomentsofpassionateapproach,andfilledhimwithasortofcontempt,orboredom。ItwastheinsistenceonthelimitationwhichsoboredBirkininGerald。Geraldcouldneverflyawayfromhimself,inrealindifferentgaiety。Hehadaclog,asortofmonomania。
  Therewassilenceforatime。ThenBirkinsaid,inalightertone,lettingthestressofthecontactpass:
  `Can'tyougetagoodgovernessforWinifred?——somebodyexceptional?'
  `HermioneRoddicesuggestedweshouldaskGudruntoteachhertodrawandtomodelinclay。YouknowWinnieisastonishinglycleverwiththatplasticinestuff。Hermionedeclaressheisanartist。'Geraldspokeintheusualanimated,chattymanner,asifnothingunusualhadpassed。ButBirkin'smannerwasfullofreminder。
  `Really!Ididn'tknowthat。Ohwellthen,ifGudrunwouldteachher,itwouldbeperfect——couldn'tbeanythingbetter——ifWinifredisanartist。BecauseGudrunsomewhereisone。Andeverytrueartististhesalvationofeveryother。'
  `Ithoughttheygotonsobadly,asarule。'
  `Perhaps。Butonlyartistsproduceforeachothertheworldthatisfittolivein。IfyoucanarrangethatforWinifred,itisperfect。'
  `Butyouthinkshewouldn'tcome?'
  `Idon'tknow。Gudrunisratherself—opinionated。Shewon'tgocheapanywhere。Orifshedoes,she'llprettysoontakeherselfback。Sowhethershewouldcondescendtodoprivateteaching,particularlyhere,inBeldover,Idon'tknow。Butitwouldbejustthething。Winifredhasgotaspecialnature。Andifyoucanputintoherwaythemeansofbeingself—sufficient,thatisthebestthingpossible。She'llnevergetonwiththeordinarylife。Youfinditdifficultenoughyourself,andsheisseveralskinsthinnerthanyouare。Itisawfultothinkwhatherlifewillbelikeunlessshedoesfindameansofexpression,somewayoffulfilment。Youcanseewhatmereleavingittofatebrings。Youcanseehowmuchmarriageistobetrustedto——lookatyourownmother。'
  `Doyouthinkmotherisabnormal?'
  `No!Ithinksheonlywantedsomethingmore,orotherthanthecommonrunoflife。Andnotgettingit,shehasgonewrongperhaps。'
  `Afterproducingabroodofwrongchildren,'saidGeraldgloomily。
  `Nomorewrongthananyoftherestofus,'Birkinreplied。`Themostnormalpeoplehavetheworstsubterraneanselves,takethemonebyone。'
  `SometimesIthinkitisacursetobealive,'saidGeraldwithsuddenimpotentanger。
  `Well,'saidBirkin,`whynot!Letitbeacursesometimestobealive——atothertimesitisanythingbutacurse。You'vegotplentyofzestinitreally。'
  `Lessthanyou'dthink,'saidGerald,revealingastrangepovertyinhislookattheotherman。
  Therewassilence,eachthinkinghisownthoughts。
  `Idon'tseewhatshehastodistinguishbetweenteachingattheGrammarSchool,andcomingtoteachWin,'saidGerald。
  `Thedifferencebetweenapublicservantandaprivateone。Theonlynoblemantoday,kingandonlyaristocrat,isthepublic,thepublic。Youarequitewillingtoservethepublic——buttobeaprivatetutor——'
  `Idon'twanttoserveeither——'
  `No!AndGudrunwillprobablyfeelthesame。'
  Geraldthoughtforafewminutes。Thenhesaid:
  `Atallevents,fatherwon'tmakeherfeellikeaprivateservant。Hewillbefussyandgreatfulenough。'
  `Soheought。Andsooughtallofyou。DoyouthinkyoucanhireawomanlikeGudrunBrangwenwithmoney?Sheisyourequallikeanything——probablyyoursuperior。'
  `Isshe?'saidGerald。
  `Yes,andifyouhaven'tthegutstoknowit,Ihopeshe'llleaveyoutoyourowndevices。'
  `Nevertheless,'saidGerald,`ifsheismyequal,Iwishsheweren'tateacher,becauseIdon'tthinkteachersasarulearemyequal。'
  `NordoI,damnthem。ButamIateacherbecauseIteach,oraparsonbecauseIpreach?'
  Geraldlaughed。Hewasalwaysuneasyonthisscore。Hedidnotwanttoclaimsocialsuperiority,yethewouldnotclaimintrinsicpersonalsuperiority,becausehewouldneverbasehisstandardofvaluesonpurebeing。Sohewobbleduponatacitassumptionofsocialstanding。No,Birkinwantedhimtoacceptthefactofintrinsicdifferencebetweenhumanbeings,whichhedidnotintendtoaccept。Itwasagainsthissocialhonour,hisprinciple。Herosetogo。
  `I'vebeenneglectingmybusinessallthiswhile,'hesaidsmiling。
  `Ioughttohaveremindedyoubefore,'Birkinreplied,laughingandmocking。
  `Iknewyou'dsaysomethinglikethat,'laughedGerald,ratheruneasily。
  `Didyou?'
  `Yes,Rupert。Itwouldn'tdoforusalltobelikeyouare——weshouldsoonbeinthecart。WhenIamabovetheworld,Ishallignoreallbusinesses。'
  `Ofcourse,we'renotinthecartnow,'saidBirkin,satirically。
  `Notasmuchasyoumakeout。Atanyrate,wehaveenoughtoeatanddrink——'
  `Andbesatisfied,'addedBirkin。
  GeraldcamenearthebedandstoodlookingdownatBirkinwhosethroatwasexposed,whosetossedhairfellattractivelyonthewarmbrow,abovetheeyesthatweresounchallengedandstillinthesatiricalface。Gerald,full—limbedandturgidwithenergy,stoodunwillingtogo,hewasheldbythepresenceoftheotherman。Hehadnotthepowertogoaway。
  `So,'saidBirkin。`Good—bye。'Andhereachedouthishandfromunderthebed—clothes,smilingwithaglimmeringlook。
  `Good—bye,'saidGerald,takingthewarmhandofhisfriendinafirmgrasp。`Ishallcomeagain。Imissyoudownatthemill。'
  `I'llbethereinafewdays,'saidBirkin。
  Theeyesofthetwomenmetagain。Gerald's,thatwerekeenasahawk's,weresuffusednowwithwarmlightandwithunadmittedlove,Birkinlookedbackasoutofadarkness,unsoundedandunknown,yetwithakindofwarmth,thatseemedtoflowoverGerald'sbrainlikeafertilesleep。
  `Good—byethen。There'snothingIcandoforyou?'
  `Nothing,thanks。'
  Birkinwatchedtheblack—clothedformoftheothermanmoveoutofthedoor,thebrightheadwasgone,heturnedovertosleep。
  WomenInLove:Chapter17CHAPTERXVIITheIndustrialMagnateINBELDOVER,therewasbothforUrsulaandforGudrunaninterval。ItseemedtoUrsulaasifBirkinhadgoneoutofherforthetime,hehadlosthissignificance,hescarcelymatteredinherworld。Shehadherownfriends,herownactivities,herownlife。Sheturnedbacktotheoldwayswithzest,awayfromhim。
  AndGudrun,afterfeelingeverymomentinallherveinsconsciousofGeraldCrich,connectedevenphysicallywithhim,wasnowalmostindifferenttothethoughtofhim。Shewasnursingnewschemesforgoingawayandtryinganewformoflife。Allthetime,therewassomethinginherurginghertoavoidthefinalestablishingofarelationshipwithGerald。Shefeltitwouldbewiserandbettertohavenomorethanacasualacquaintancewithhim。
  ShehadaschemeforgoingtoStPetersburg,whereshehadafriendwhowasasculptorlikeherself,andwholivedwithawealthyRussianwhosehobbywasjewel—making。Theemotional,ratherrootlesslifeoftheRussiansappealedtoher。ShedidnotwanttogotoParis。Pariswasdry,andessentiallyboring。ShewouldliketogotoRome,Munich,Vienna,ortoStPetersburgorMoscow。ShehadafriendinStPetersburgandafriendinMunich。Toeachoftheseshewrote,askingaboutrooms。
  Shehadacertainamountofmoney。Shehadcomehomepartlytosave,andnowshehadsoldseveralpiecesofwork,shehadbeenpraisedinvariousshows。Sheknewshecouldbecomequitethe`go'ifshewenttoLondon。
  ButsheknewLondon,shewantedsomethingelse。Shehadseventypounds,ofwhichnobodyknewanything。Shewouldmovesoon,assoonassheheardfromherfriends。Hernature,inspiteofherapparentplacidityandcalm,wasprofoundlyrestless。
  ThesistershappenedtocallinacottageinWilleyGreentobuyhoney。
  MrsKirk,astout,pale,sharp—nosedwoman,sly,honied,withsomethingshrewishandcat—likebeneath,askedthegirlsintohertoocosy,tootidykitchen。Therewasacat—likecomfortandcleanlinesseverywhere。
  `Yes,MissBrangwen,'shesaid,inherslightlywhining,insinuatingvoice,`andhowdoyoulikebeingbackintheoldplace,then?'
  Gudrun,whomsheaddressed,hatedheratonce。
  `Idon'tcareforit,'sherepliedabruptly。
  `Youdon't?Ay,well,IsupposeyoufoundadifferencefromLondon。
  Youlikelife,andbig,grandplaces。SomeofushastobecontentwithWilleyGreenandBeldover。AndwhatdoyouthinkofourGrammarSchool,asthere'ssomuchtalkabout?'
  `WhatdoIthinkofit?'Gudrunlookedroundatherslowly。`Doyoumean,doIthinkit'sagoodschool?'
  `Yes。Whatisyouropinionofit?'
  "Idothinkit'sagoodschool。'
  Gudrunwasverycoldandrepelling。Sheknewthecommonpeoplehatedtheschool。
  `Ay,youdo,then!I'veheardsomuch,onewayandtheother。It'snicetoknowwhatthosethat'sinitfeel。Butopinionsvary,don'tthey?MrCrichupatHighcloseisallforit。Ay,poorman,I'mafraidhe'snotlongforthisworld。He'sverypoorly。'
  `Isheworse?'askedUrsula。
  `Eh,yes——sincetheylostMissDiana。He'sgoneofftoashadow。Poorman,he'shadaworldoftrouble。'
  `Hashe?'askedGudrun,faintlyironic。
  `Hehas,aworldoftrouble。Andasniceandkindagentlemanaseveryoucouldwishtomeet。Hischildrendon'ttakeafterhim。'
  `Isupposetheytakeaftertheirmother?'saidUrsula。
  `Inmanyways。'MrsKrikloweredhervoicealittle。`Shewasaproudhaughtyladywhenshecameintotheseparts——myword,shewasthat!Shemustn'tbelookedat,anditwasworthyourlifetospeaktoher。'Thewomanmadeadry,slyface。
  `Didyouknowherwhenshewasfirstmarried?'
  `Yes,Iknewher。Inursedthreeofherchildren。Andproperlittleterrorstheywere,littlefiends——thatGeraldwasademonifevertherewasone,aproperdemon,ay,atsixmonthsold。'Acuriousmalicious,slytonecameintothewoman'svoice。
  `Really,'saidGudrun。
  `Thatwilful,masterful——he'dmasteredonenurseatsixmonths。Kick,andscream,andstrugglelikeademon。Many'sthetimeI'vepinchedhislittlebottomforhim,whenhewasachildinarms。Ay,andhe'dhavebeenbetterifhe'dhaditpinchedoftener。Butshewouldn'thavethemcorrected——no—o,wouldn'thearofit。IcanremembertherowsshehadwithMrCrich,myword。Whenhe'dgotworkedup,properlyworkeduptillhecouldstandnomore,he'dlockthestudydoorandwhipthem。Butshepacedupanddownallthewhilelikeatigeroutside,likeatiger,withverymurderinherface。Shehadafacethatcouldlookdeath。Andwhenthedoorwasopened,she'dgoinwithherhandslifted——"Whathaveyoubeendoingtomychildren,youcoward。"Shewaslikeoneoutofhermind。I
  believehewasfrightenedofher;hehadtobedrivenmadbeforehe'dliftafinger。Didn'ttheservantshavealifeofit!Anddidn'tweusedtobethankfulwhenoneofthemcaughtit。Theywerethetormentofyourlife。'
  `Really!'saidGudrun。
  `Ineverypossibleway。Ifyouwouldn'tletthemsmashtheirpotsonthetable,ifyouwouldn'tletthemdragthekittenaboutwithastringrounditsneck,ifyouwouldn'tgivethemwhatevertheyaskedfor,everymortalthing——thentherewasashineon,andtheirmothercominginasking——"What'sthematterwithhim?Whathaveyoudonetohim?Whatisit,Darling?"Andthenshe'dturnonyouasifshe'dtrampleyouunderherfeet。Butshedidn'ttrampleonme。Iwastheonlyonethatcoulddoanythingwithherdemons——forshewasn'tgoingtobebotheredwiththemherself。
  No,shetooknotroubleforthem。Buttheymustjusthavetheirway,theymustn'tbespokento。AndMasterGeraldwasthebeauty。Ileftwhenhewasayearandahalf,Icouldstandnomore。ButIpinchedhislittlebottomforhimwhenhewasinarms,Idid,whentherewasnoholdinghim,andI'mnotsorryIdid——'
  Gudrunwentawayinfuryandloathing。Thephrase,`Ipinchedhislittlebottomforhim,'sentherintoawhite,stonyfury。Shecouldnotbearit,shewantedtohavethewomantakenoutatonceandstrangled。Andyettherethephrasewaslodgedinhermindforever,beyondescape。Shefelt,oneday,shewouldhavetotellhim,toseehowhetookit。Andsheloathedherselfforthethought。
  ButatShortlandsthelife—longstrugglewascomingtoaclose。Thefatherwasillandwasgoingtodie。Hehadbadinternalpains,whichtookawayallhisattentivelife,andlefthimwithonlyavestigeofhisconsciousness。
  Moreandmoreasilencecameoverhim,hewaslessandlessacutelyawareofhissurroundings。Thepainseemedtoabsorbhisactivity。Heknewitwasthere,heknewitwouldcomeagain。Itwaslikesomethinglurkinginthedarknesswithinhim。Andhehadnotthepower,orthewill,toseekitoutandtoknowit。Thereitremainedinthedarkness,thegreatpain,tearinghimattimes,andthenbeingsilent。Andwhenittorehimhecrouchedinsilentsubjectionunderit,andwhenitlefthimaloneagain,herefusedtoknowofit。Itwaswithinthedarkness,letitremainunknown。Soheneveradmittedit,exceptinasecretcornerofhimself,whereallhisnever—revealedfearsandsecretswereaccumulated。Fortherest,hehadapain,itwentaway,itmadenodifference。Itevenstimulatedhim,excitedhim。
  Butitgraduallyabsorbedhislife。Graduallyitdrewawayallhispotentiality,itbledhimintothedark,itweanedhimoflifeanddrewhimawayintothedarkness。Andinthistwilightofhislifelittleremainedvisibletohim。Thebusiness,hiswork,thatwasgoneentirely。Hispublicinterestshaddisappearedasiftheyhadneverbeen。Evenhisfamilyhadbecomeextraneoustohim,hecouldonlyremember,insomeslightnon—essentialpartofhimself,thatsuchandsuchwerehischildren。Butitwashistoricalfact,notvitaltohim。Hehadtomakeanefforttoknowtheirrelationtohim。Evenhiswifebarelyexisted。Sheindeedwaslikethedarkness,likethepainwithinhim。Bysomestrangeassociation,thedarknessthatcontainedthepainandthedarknessthatcontainedhiswifewereidentical。Allhisthoughtsandunderstandingsbecameblurredandfused,andnowhiswifeandtheconsumingpainwerethesamedarksecretpoweragainsthim,thatheneverfaced。
  Heneverdrovethedreadoutofitslairwithinhim。Heonlyknewthattherewasadarkplace,andsomethinginhabitingthisdarknesswhichissuedfromtimetotimeandrenthim。Buthedarednotpenetrateanddrivethebeastintotheopen。Hehadratherignoreitsexistence。Only,inhisvagueway,thedreadwashiswife,thedestroyer,anditwasthepain,thedestruction,adarknesswhichwasoneandboth。
  Heveryrarelysawhiswife。Shekeptherroom。Onlyoccasionallyshecameforth,withherheadstretchedforward,andinherlow,possessedvoice,sheaskedhimhowhewas。Andheansweredher,inthehabitofmorethanthirtyyears:`Well,Idon'tthinkI'manytheworse,dear。'Buthewasfrightenedofher,underneaththissafeguardofhabit,frightenedalmosttothevergeofdeath。
  Butallhislife,hehadbeensoconstanttohislights,hehadneverbrokendown。Hewoulddieevennowwithoutbreakingdown,withoutknowingwhathisfeelingswere,towardsher。Allhislife,hehadsaid:`PoorChristiana,shehassuchastrongtemper。'Withunbrokenwill,hehadstoodbythispositionwithregardtoher,hehadsubstitutedpityforallhishostility,pityhadbeenhisshieldandhissafeguard,andhisinfallibleweapon。
  Andstill,inhisconsciousness,hewassorryforher,hernaturewassoviolentandsoimpatient。
  Butnowhispity,withhislife,waswearingthin,andthedreadalmostamountingtohorror,wasrisingintobeing。Butbeforethearmourofhispityreallybroke,hewoulddie,asaninsectwhenitsshelliscracked。
  Thiswashisfinalresource。Otherswouldliveon,andknowthelivingdeath,theensuingprocessofhopelesschaos。Hewouldnot。Hedenieddeathitsvictory。
  Hehadbeensoconstanttohislights,soconstanttocharity,andtohisloveforhisneighbour。Perhapshehadlovedhisneighbourevenbetterthanhimself——whichisgoingonefurtherthanthecommandment。Always,thisflamehadburnedinhisheart,sustaininghimthrougheverything,thewelfareofthepeople。Hewasalargeemployeroflabour,hewasagreatmine—owner。Andhehadneverlostthisfromhisheart,thatinChristhewasonewithhisworkmen。Nay,hehadfeltinferiortothem,asiftheythroughpovertyandlabourwerenearertoGodthanhe。Hehadalwaystheunacknowledgedbelief,thatitwashisworkmen,theminers,whoheldintheirhandsthemeansofsalvation。TomovenearertoGod,hemustmovetowardshisminers,hislifemustgravitatetowardstheirs。Theywere,unconsciously,hisidol,hisGodmademanifest。Inthemheworshippedthehighest,thegreat,sympathetic,mindlessGodheadofhumanity。
  Andallthewhile,hiswifehadopposedhimlikeoneofthegreatdemonsofhell。Strange,likeabirdofprey,withthefascinatingbeautyandabstractionofahawk,shehadbeatagainstthebarsofhisphilanthropy,andlikeahawkinacage,shehadsunkintosilence。Byforceofcircumstance,becausealltheworldcombinedtomakethecageunbreakable,hehadbeentoostrongforher,hehadkeptherprisoner。Andbecauseshewashisprisoner,hispassionforherhadalwaysremainedkeenasdeath。Hehadalwayslovedher,lovedherwithintensity。Withinthecage,shewasdeniednothing,shewasgivenalllicence。
  Butshehadgonealmostmad。Ofwildandoverweeningtemper,shecouldnotbearthehumiliationofherhusband'ssoft,half—appealingkindnesstoeverybody。Hewasnotdeceivedbythepoor。Heknewtheycameandspongedonhim,andwhinedtohim,theworsesort;themajority,luckilyforhim,weremuchtooproudtoaskforanything,muchtooindependenttocomeknockingathisdoor。ButinBeldover,aseverywhereelse,therewerethewhining,parasitic,foulhumanbeingswhocomecrawlingaftercharity,andfeedingonthelivingbodyofthepubliclikelice。AkindoffirewouldgooverChristianaCrich'sbrain,asshesawtwomorepale—faced,creepingwomeninobjectionableblackclothes,cringinglugubriouslyupthedrivetothedoor。Shewantedtosetthedogsonthem,`HiRip!HiRing!Ranger!At'emboys,set'emoff。'ButCrowther,thebutler,withalltherestoftheservants,wasMrCrich'sman。Nevertheless,whenherhusbandwasaway,shewouldcomedownlikeawolfonthecrawlingsupplicants;
  `Whatdoyoupeoplewant?Thereisnothingforyouhere。Youhavenobusinessonthedriveatall。Simpson,drivethemawayandletnomoreofthemthroughthegate。'
  Theservantshadtoobeyher。Andshewouldstandwatchingwithaneyeliketheeagle's,whilstthegroominclumsyconfusiondrovethelugubriouspersonsdownthedrive,asiftheywererustyfowls,scuttlingbeforehim。
  Buttheylearnedtoknow,fromthelodge—keeper,whenMrsCrichwasaway,andtheytimedtheirvisits。Howmanytimes,inthefirstyears,wouldCrowtherknocksoftlyatthedoor:`Persontoseeyou,sir。'
  `Whatname?'
  `Grocock,sir。'
  `Whatdotheywant?'Thequestionwashalfimpatient,halfgratified。
  Helikedhearingappealstohischarity。
  `Aboutachild,sir。'
  `Showthemintothelibrary,andtellthemtheyshouldn'tcomeaftereleveno'clockinthemorning。'
  `Whydoyougetupfromdinner?——sendthemoff,'hiswifewouldsayabruptly。
  `Oh,Ican'tdothat。It'snotroublejusttohearwhattheyhavetosay。'
  `Howmanymorehavebeenheretoday?Whydon'tyouestablishopenhouseforthem?Theywouldsoonoustmeandthechildren。'
  `Youknowdear,itdoesn'thurtmetohearwhattheyhavetosay。Andiftheyreallyareintrouble——well,itismydutytohelpthemoutofit。'
  `It'syourdutytoinvitealltheratsintheworldtognawatyourbones。'
  `Come,Christiana,itisn'tlikethat。Don'tbeuncharitable。'
  Butshesuddenlysweptoutoftheroom,andouttothestudy。Theresatthemeagrecharity—seekers,lookingasiftheywereatthedoctor's。
  `MrCrichcan'tseeyou。Hecan'tseeyouatthishour。Doyouthinkheisyourproperty,thatyoucancomewheneveryoulike?Youmustgoaway,thereisnothingforyouhere。'
  Thepoorpeopleroseinconfusion。ButMrCrich,paleandblack—beardedanddeprecating,camebehindher,saying:
  `Yes,Idon'tlikeyoucomingaslateasthis。I'llhearanyofyouinthemorningpartoftheday,butIcan'treallydowithyouafter。What'samissthen,Gittens。HowisyourMissis?'
  `Why,she'ssunkverylow,MesterCrich,she'sa'mostgone,sheis——'
  Sometimes,itseemedtoMrsCrichasifherhusbandweresomesubtlefuneralbird,feedingonthemiseriesofthepeople。Itseemedtoherhewasneversatisfiedunlesstherewassomesordidtalebeingpouredouttohim,whichhedrankinwithasortofmournful,sympatheticsatisfaction。
  Hewouldhavenoraisond'etreiftherewerenolugubriousmiseriesintheworld,asanundertakerwouldhavenomeaningiftherewerenofunerals。
  MrsCrichrecoiledbackuponherself,sherecoiledawayfromthisworldofcreepingdemocracy。Abandoftight,balefulexclusionfastenedroundherheart,herisolationwasfierceandhard,herantagonismwaspassivebutterriblypure,likethatofahawkinacage。Astheyearswenton,shelostmoreandmorecountoftheworld,sheseemedraptinsomeglitteringabstraction,almostpurelyunconscious。Shewouldwanderaboutthehouseandaboutthesurroundingcountry,staringkeenlyandseeingnothing。Sherarelyspoke,shehadnoconnectionwiththeworld。Andshedidnoteventhink。Shewasconsumedinafiercetensionofopposition,likethenegativepoleofamagnet。