So，afterourlittlesonwasborn，welefthiminmysister’scare，andsecretlyreturnedtoParis。Afewdayslater，intheearlymorning，havingkeptournocturnalvigilofprayerunknowntoallinacertainchurch，wewereunitedthereinthebenedictionofwedlockheruncleandafewfriendsofhisandminebeingpresent。Wedepartedforthwithstealthilyandbyseparateways，northereafterdidweseeeachothersaverarelyandinprivate，thusstrivingourutmosttoconcealwhatwehaddone。Butheruncleandthoseofhishousehold，seekingsolacefortheirdisgrace，begantodivulgethestoryofourmarriage，andtherebytoviolatethepledgetheyhadgivenmeonthispoint。Heloise，onthecontrary，denouncedherownkinandsworethattheywerespeakingthemostabsolutelies。Heruncle，arousedtofurythereby，visitedherrepeatedlywithpunishments。
　　NosoonerhadIlearnedthisthanIsenthertoaconventofnunsatArgenteuil，notfarfromParis，wheresheherselfhadbeenbroughtupandeducatedasayounggirl。Ihadthemmakereadyforherallthegarmentsofanun，suitableforthelifeofaconvent，exceptingonlytheveil，andtheseIbadeherputon。
　　Whenheruncleandhiskinsmenheardofthis，theywereconvincedthatnowIhadcompletelyplayedthemfalseandhadridmyselfforeverofHeloisebyforcinghertobecomeanun。Violentlyincensed，theylaidaplotagainstme，andonenightwhileIallunsuspectingwasasleepinasecretroominmylodgings，theybrokeinwiththehelpofoneofmyservantswhomtheyhadbribed。Theretheyhadvengeanceonmewithamostcruelandmostshamefulpunishment，suchasastoundedthewholeworld;fortheycutoffthosepartsofmybodywithwhichIhaddonethatwhichwasthecauseoftheirsorrow。Thisdone，straightwaytheyfled，buttwoofthemwerecapturedandsufferedthelossoftheireyesandtheirgenitalorgans。Oneofthesetwowastheaforesaidservant，whoevenwhilehewasstillinmyservice，hadbeenledbyhisavaricetobetrayme。CHAPTERVIIIOFTHESUFFERINGOFHISBODYOFHOWHEBECAMEAMONKINTHEMONASTERYOFST。DENISANDHELOISE
　　ANUNATARGENTEUIL
　　WHENmorningcamethewholecitywasassembledbeforemydwelling。Itisdifficult，nay，impossible，forwordsofminetodescribetheamazementwhichbewilderedthem，thelamentationstheyuttered，theuproarwithwhichtheyharassedme，orthegriefwithwhichtheyincreasedmyownsuffering。
　　Chieflytheclerics，andaboveallmyscholars，torturedmewiththeirintolerablelamentationsandoutcries，sothatIsufferedmoreintenselyfromtheircompassionthanfromthepainofmywound。IntruthIfeltthedisgracemorethanthehurttomybody，andwasmoreafflictedwithshamethanwithpain。MyincessantthoughtwasoftherenowninwhichIhadsomuchdelighted，nowbroughtlow，nay，utterlyblottedout，soswiftlybyanevilchance。Isaw，too，howjustlyGodhadpunishedmeinthatverypartofmybodywherebyIhadsinned。IperceivedthattherewasindeedjusticeinmybetrayalbyhimwhomIhadmyselfalreadybetrayed;andthenIthoughthoweagerlymyrivalswouldseizeuponthismanifestationofjustice，howthisdisgracewouldbringbitterandenduringgrieftomykindredandmyfriends，andhowthetaleofthisamazingoutragewouldspreadtotheveryendsoftheearth。
　　Whatpathlayopentomethereafter？HowcouldIeveragainholdupmyheadamongmen，wheneveryfingershouldbepointedatmeinscorn，everytonguespeakmyblisteringshame，andwhenIshouldbeamonstrousspectacletoalleyes？Iwasoverwhelmedbytheremembrancethat，accordingtothedreadletterofthelaw，Godholdseunuchsinsuchabominationthatmenthusmaimedareforbiddentoenterachurch，evenastheuncleanandfilthy;nay，evenbeastsinsuchplightwerenotacceptableassacrifices。
　　ThusinLeviticus（xxii。24）isitsaid:"YeshallnotofferuntotheLordthatwhichhathitsstonesbruised，orcrushed，orbroken，orcut。"AndinDeuteronomy（xxiii。1），"Hethatiswoundedinthestones，orhathhisprivymembercutoff，shallnotenterintothecongregationoftheLord。"
　　Imustconfessthatinmymiseryitwastheoverwhelmingsenseofmydisgraceratherthananyardourforconversiontothereligiouslifethatdrovemetoseektheseclusionofthemonasticcloister。Heloisehadalready，atmybidding，takentheveilandenteredaconvent。Thusitwasthatwebothputonthesacredgarb，IintheabbeyofSt。Denis，andsheintheconventofArgenteuil，ofwhichIhavealreadyspoken。She，Irememberwell，whenherfondfriendssoughtvainlytodeterherfromsubmittingherfreshyouthtotheheavyandalmostintolerableyokeofmonasticlife，sobbingandweepingrepliedinthewordsofCornelia:"OhusbandmostnobleWhone’ershouldsthavesharedmycouch！HasfortunesuchpowerTosmitesoloftyahead？WhythenwasIweddedOnlytobringtheetowoe？Receivenowmysorrow，ThepriceIsogladlypay。"
　　（Lucan，"Pharsalia，"viii。94。）Withthesewordsonherlipsdidshegoforthwithtothealtar，andliftedtherefromtheveil，whichhadbeenblessedbythebishop，andbeforethemallshetookthevowsofthereligiouslife。Formypart，scarcelyhadIrecoveredfrommywoundwhenclericssoughtmeingreatnumbers，endlesslybeseechingbothmyabbotandmemyselfthatnow，sinceIwasdonewithlearningforthesakeofpainorrenown，IshouldturntoitforthesoleloveofGod。TheybademecarediligentlyforthetalentwhichGodhadcommittedtomykeeping（Matthew，xxv。15），sincesurelyHewoulddemanditbackfrommewithinterest。Itwastheirpleathat，inasmuchasofoldIhadlabouredchieflyinbehalfoftherich，Ishouldnowdevotemyselftotheteachingofthepoor。ThereinaboveallshouldIperceivehowitwasthehandofGodthathadtouchedme，whenIshoulddevotemylifetothestudyoflettersinfreedomfromthesnaresofthefleshandwithdrawnfromthetumultuouslifeofthisworld。Thus，intruth，shouldIbecomeaphilosopherlessofthisworldthanofGod。
　　Theabbey，however，towhichIhadbetakenmyselfwasutterlyworldlyandinitslifequitescandalous。Theabbothimselfwasasfarbelowhisfellowsinhiswayoflivingandinthefoulnessofhisreputationashewasabovetheminpriestlyrank。ThisintolerablestateofthingsIoftenandvehementlydenounced，sometimesinprivatetalkandsometimespublicly，buttheonlyresultwasthatImademyselfdetestedofthemall。Theygladlylaidholdofthedailyeagernessofmystudentstohearmeasanexcusewherebytheymightberidofme;andfinally，attheinsistenturgingofthestudentsthemselves，andwiththeheartyconsentoftheabbotandtherestofthebrotherhood，Idepartedthencetoacertainhut，theretoteachinmywontedway。Tothisplacesuchathrongofstudentsflockedthattheneighbourhoodcouldnotaffordshelterforthem，northeearthsufficientsustenance。
　　Here，asbefittedmyprofession，Idevotedmyselfchieflytolecturesontheology，butIdidnotwhollyabandontheteachingoftheseculararts，towhichIwasmoreaccustomed，andwhichwasparticularlydemandedofme。Iusedthelatter，however，asahook，luringmystudentsbythebaitoflearningtothestudyofthetruephilosophy，evenastheEcclesiasticalHistorytellsofOrigen，thegreatestofallChristianphilosophers。SinceapparentlytheLordhadgiftedmewithnolesspersuasivenessinexpoundingtheScripturesthaninlecturingonsecularsubjects，thenumberofmystudentsinthesetwocoursesbegantoincreasegreatly，andtheattendanceatalltheotherschoolswascorrespondinglydiminished。ThusIarousedtheenvyandhatredoftheotherteachers。Thosewaytookwhosoughttobelittlemeineverypossibleadvantageofmyabsencetobringtwoprincipalchargesagainstme:first，thatitwascontrarytothemonasticprofessiontobeconcernedwiththestudyofsecularbooks;and，second，thatIhadpresumedtoteachtheologywithouteverhavingbeentaughtthereinmyself。
　　Thistheydidinorderthatmyteachingofeverykindmightbeprohibited，andtothisendtheycontinuallystirredupbishops，archbishops，abbotsandwhateverotherdignitariesoftheChurchtheycouldreach。CHAPTERIXOFHISBOOKONTHEOLOGYANDHISPERSECUTIONATTHEHANDSOFHIS
　　FELLOWSTUDENTSOFTHECOUNCILAGAINSTHIM
　　ITSOhappenedthatattheoutsetIdevotedmyselftoanalysingthebasisofourfaiththroughillustrationsbasedonhumanunderstanding，andIwroteformystudentsacertaintractontheunityandtrinityofGod。ThisIdidbecausetheywerealwaysseekingforrationalandphilosophicalexplanations，askingratherforreasonstheycouldunderstandthanformerewords，sayingthatitwasfutiletoutterwordswhichtheintellectcouldnotpossiblyfollow，thatnothingcouldbebelievedunlessitcouldfirstbeunderstood，andthatitwasabsurdforanyonetopreachtoothersathingwhichneitherhehimselfnorthosewhomhesoughttoteachcouldcomprehend。OurLordHimselfmaintainedthissamethingwhenHesaid:"Theyareblindleadersoftheblind"（Matthew，xv。14）。
　　Now，agreatmanypeoplesawandreadthistract，anditbecameexceedinglypopular，itsclearnessappealingparticularlytoallwhosoughtinformationonthissubject。Andsincethequestionsinvolvedaregenerallyconsideredthemostdifficultofall，theircomplexityistakenasthemeasureofthesubtletyofhimwhosucceedsinansweringthem。Asaresult，myrivalsbecamefuriouslyangry，andsummonedacounciltotakeactionagainstme，thechiefinstigatorsthereinbeingmytwointriguingenemiesofformerdays，AlbericandLotulphe。Thesetwo，nowthatbothWilliamandAnselm，ourerstwhileteachers，we’redead，weregreedytoreignintheirstead，and，sotospeak，tosucceedthemasheirs。WhiletheyweredirectingtheschoolatRheims，theymanagedbyrepeatedhintstostiruptheirarchbishop，Rodolphe，againstme，forthepurposeofholdingameeting，orratheranecclesiasticalcouncil，atSoissons，providedtheycouldsecuretheapprovalofConon，BishopofPraeneste，atthattimepapallegateinFrance。Theirplanwastosummonmetobepresentatthiscouncil，bringingwithmethefamousbookIhadwrittenregardingtheTrinity。Inallthis，indeed，theyweresuccessful，andthethinghappenedaccordingtotheirwishes。
　　BeforeIreachedSoissons，however，thesetworivalsofminesofoullyslanderedmewithboththeclergyandthepublicthatonthedayofmyarrivalthepeoplecameneartostoningmeandthefewstudentsofminewhohadaccompaniedmethither。ThecauseoftheirangerwasthattheyhadbeenledtobelievethatIhadpreachedandwrittentoprovetheexistenceofthreegods。NosoonerhadIreachedthecity，therefore，thanIwentforthwithtothelegate;tohimIsubmittedmybookforexaminationandjudgment，declaringthatifIhadwrittenanythingrepugnanttotheCatholicfaith，Iwasquitereadytocorrectitorotherwisetomakesatisfactoryamends。Thelegatedirectedmetorefermybooktothearchbishopandtothosesametworivalsofmine，totheendthatmyaccusersmightalsobemyjudges。Soinmycasewasfulfilledthesaying:"Evenourenemiesareourjudges"（Deut。xxxii。31）。
　　Thesethree，then，tookmybookandpaweditoverandexamineditminutely，butcouldfindnothingthereinwhichtheydaredtouseasthebasisforapublicaccusationagainstme。Accordinglytheyputoffthecondemnationofthebookuntilthecloseofthecouncil，despitetheireagernesstobringitabout。Formypart，everydaybeforethecouncilconvenedIpubliclydiscussedtheCatholicfaithinthelightofwhatIhadwritten，andallwhoheardmewereenthusiasticintheirapprovalalikeofthefranknessandthelogicofmywords。Whenthepublicandtheclergyhadthuslearnedsomethingoftherealcharacterofmyteaching，theybegantosaytooneanother:"Behold，nowhespeaksopenly，andnoonebringsanychargeagainsthim。Andthiscouncil，summoned，aswehaveheard，chieflytotakeactionuponhiscaseisdrawingtowarditsend。Didthejudgesrealizethattheerrormightbetheirsratherthanhis？"
　　Asaresultofallthis，myrivalsgrewmoreangrydaybyday。OnoneoccasionAlberic，accompaniedbysomeofhisstudents，cametomeforthepurposeofintimidatingme，and，afterafewblandwords，saidthathewasamazedatsomethinghehadfoundinmybook，totheeffectthat，althoughGodhadbegottenGod，IdeniedthatGodhadbegottenHimself，sincetherewasonlyoneGod。Iansweredunhesitatingly:"Icangiveyouanexplanationofthisifyouwishit。""Nay，"hereplied，"Icarenothingforhumanexplanationorreasoninginsuchmatters，butonlyforthewordsofauthority。""Verywell，Isaid;"turnthepagesofmybookandyouwillfindtheauthoritylikewise。"Thebookwasathand，forhehadbroughtitwithhim。IturnedtothepassageIhadinmind，whichhehadeithernotdiscoveredorelsepassedoverascontainingnothinginjurioustome。AnditwasGod’swillthatIquicklyfoundwhatIsought。Thiswasthefollowingsentence，undertheheading"Augustine，OntheTrinity，BookI":"WhosoeverbelievesthatitiswithinthepowerofGodtobegetHimselfissorelyinerror;thispowerisnotinGod，neitherisitinanycreatedthing，spiritualorcorporeal。
　　Forthereisnothingthatcangivebirthtoitself。"
　　Whenthoseofhisfollowerswhowerepresentheardthis，theywereamazedandmuchembarrassed。Hehimself，inordertokeephiscountenance，said:
　　"Certainly，Iunderstandallthat。"ThenIadded:"WhatIhavetosayfurtheronthissubjectisbynomeansnew，butapparentlyithasnothingtodowiththecaseatissue，sinceyouhaveaskedforthewordofauthorityonly，andnotforexplanations。If，however，youcaretoconsiderlogicalexplanations，Iampreparedtodemonstratethat，accordingtoAugustine’sstatement，youhaveyourselffallenintoaheresyinbelievingthatafathercanpossiblybehisownson。"WhenAlbericheardthishewasalmostbesidehimselfwithrage，andstraightwayresortedtothreats，assertingthatneithermyexplanationsnormycitationsofauthoritywouldavailmeaughtinthiscase。Withthisheleftme。
　　Onthelastdayofthecouncil，beforethesessionconvened，thelegateandthearchbishopdeliberatedwithmyrivalsandsundryothersastowhatshouldbe。doneaboutmeandmybook，thisbeingthechiefreasonfortheirhavingcometogether。AndsincetheyhaddiscoverednothingeitherinmyspeechorinwhatIhadhithertowrittenwhichwouldgivethemacaseagainstme，theywereallreducedtosilence，oratthemosttomaligningmeinwhispers。ThenGeoffroi，BishopofChartres，whoexcelledtheotherbishopsalikeinthesincerityofhisreligionandintheimportanceofhissee，spokethus:
　　"Youknow，mylords，allwhoaregatheredhere，thedoctrineofthisman，whatitis，andhisability，whichhasbroughthimmanyfollowersineveryfieldtowhichhehasdevotedhimself。Youknowhowgreatlyhehaslessenedtherenownofotherteachers，bothhismastersandourown，andhowhehasspreadasitweretheoffshootsofhisvinefromseatosea。Now，ifyouimposealightlyconsideredjudgmentonhim，asIcannotbelieveyouwill，youwellknowthatevenifmayhapyouareintherighttherearemanywhowillbeangeredtherebyandthathewillhavenolackofdefenders。Rememberaboveallthatwehavefoundnothinginthisbookofhisthatliesbeforeuswhereonanyopenaccusationcanbebased。Indeeditistrue，asJeromesays:`Fortitudeopenlydisplayedalwayscreatesrivals，andthelightningstrikesthehighestpeaks。’Haveacare，then，lestbyviolentactionyouonlyincreasehisfame，andlestwedomorehurttoourselvesthroughenvythantohimthroughjustice。Afalsereport，asthatsamewisemanremindsus，iseasilycrushed，andaman’slaterlifegivestestimonyastohisearlierdeeds。If，then，youaredisposedtotakecanonicalactionagainsthim，hisdoctrineorhiswritingsmustbebroughtforwardasevidence，andhemusthavefreeopportunitytoanswerhisquestioners。Inthatcaseifheisfoundguiltyorifheconfesseshiserror，hislipscanbewhollysealed。ConsiderthewordsoftheblessedNicodemus，who，desiringtofreeOurLordHimself，said:’Dothourlawjudgeanymanbeforeithearhimandknowwhathedoeth？（John，vii。51）。
　　Whenmyrivalsheardthistheycriedoutinprotest，saying:"Thisiswisecounsel，forsooth，thatweshouldstriveagainstthewordinessofthisman，whosearguments，orrather，sophistries，thewholeworldcannotresist！"Andyet，methinks，itwasfarmoredifficulttostriveagainstChristHimself，forWhom，nevertheless，Nicodemusdemandedahearinginaccordancewiththedictatesofthelaw。Whenthebishopcouldnotwintheirassenttohisproposals，hetriedinanotherwaytocurbtheirhatred，sayingthatforthediscussionofsuchanimportantcasethefewwhowerepresentwerenotenough，andthatthismatterrequiredamorethoroughexamination。Hisfurthersuggestionwasthatmyabbot，whowastherepresent，shouldtakemebackwithhimtoourabbey，inotherwordstothemonasteryofSt。Denis，andthattherealargeconvocationoflearnedmenshoulddetermine，onthebasisofacarefulinvestigation，whatoughttobedone。
　　Tothislastproposalthelegateconsented，asdidalltheothers。
　　Thenthelegatearosetocelebratemassbeforeenteringthecouncil，andthroughthebishopsentmethepermissionwhichhadbeendeterminedon，authorizingmetoreturntomymonasteryandthereawaitsuchactionasmightbefinallytaken。Butmyrivals，perceivingthattheywouldaccomplishnothingifthetrialweretobeheldoutsideoftheirowndiocese，andinaplacewheretheycouldhavelittleinfluenceontheverdict，andintruthhavingsmallwishthatjusticeshouldbedone，persuadedthearchbishopthatitwouldbeagraveinsulttohimtotransferthiscasetoanothercourt，andthatitwouldbedangerousforhimifbychanceIshouldthusbeacquitted。Theylikewisewenttothelegate，andsucceededinsochanginghisopinionthatfinallytheyinducedhimtoframeanewsentence，wherebyheagreedtocondemnmybookwithoutanyfurtherinquiry，toburnitforthwithinthesightofall，andtoconfinemeforayearinanothermonastery。
　　TheargumenttheyusedwasthatitsufficedforthecondemnationofmybookthatIhadpresumedtoreaditinpublicwithouttheapprovaleitheroftheRomanpontifforofthechurch，andthat，furthermore，Ihadgivenittomanytobetranscribed。MethinksitwouldbeanotableblessingtotheChristianfaithifthereweremorewhodisplayedalikepresumption。
　　Thelegate，however，beinglessskilledinlawthanheshouldhavebeen，reliedchieflyontheadviceofthearchbishop，andhe，inturn，onthatofmyrivals。WhentheBishopofChartresgotwindofthis，hereportedthewholeconspiracytome，andstronglyurgedmetoenduremeeklythemanifestviolenceoftheirenmity。Hebademenottodoubtthatthisviolencewouldintheendreactuponthemandproveablessingtome，andcounseledmetohavenofearoftheconfinementinamonastery，knowingthatwithinafewdaysthelegatehimself，whowasnowactingundercompulsion，wouldafterhisdeparturesetmefree。Andthusheconsoledmeasbesthemight，minglinghistearswithmine。CHAPTERXOFTHEBURNINGOFHISBOOKIFTHEPERSECUTIONHEHADATTHEHANDS
　　OFHISABBOTANDTHEBRETHREN
　　STRAIGHTWAYuponmysummonsIwenttothecouncil，andthere，withoutfurtherexaminationordebate，didtheycompelmewithmyownhandtocastthatmemorablebookofmineintotheflames。Althoughmyenemiesappearedtohavenothingtosaywhilethebookwasburning，oneofthemmutteredsomethingabouthavingseenitwrittenthereinthatGodtheFatherwasaloneomnipotent。Thisreachedtheearsofthelegate，whorepliedinastonishmentthathecouldnotbelievethatevenachildwouldmakesoabsurdablunder。