DORINE
No,no,adaughtermustobeyherfather,Thoughheshouldwanttomakeherwedamonkey。
Besides,yourfatefine。Whatcouldbebetter!
You’lltakethestage—coachtohlittlevillage,Andfinditfullofunclesandofcousins,Whoseconversationwilldelightyou。ThenYou’llbepresentedintheirbestsociety。
You’llevengotocall,bywayofwelcome,OnMrs。Bailiff,Mrs。Tax—Collector,Who’llpatroneyouwithafolding—stool。
There,onceayear,atcarnival,you’llhavePerhaps——aball;withorchestra——twobag—pipes;
Andsometimesatrainedape,andPunchandJudy;
Thoughifyourhusband
MARIANE
Oh,you’llkillme。PleaseContrivetohelpmeoutwithyouradvice。
DORINE
Ithankyoukindly。
MARIANE
Oh!Dorine,Ibegyou
DORINE
Toserveyouright,thmarriagemustgothrough。
MARIANE
Deargirl!
DORINE
No。
MARIANE
IfIsayIloveValere
DORINE
No,no。Tartuffe’syourman,andyoushalltastehim。
MARIANE
YouknowI’vealwaystrustedyou;nowhelpme
DORINE
No,youshallbe,myfaith!Tartuffified。
MARIANE
Well,then,sinceyou’venopityformyfateLetmetakecounselonlyofdespair;
Itwilladveandhelpandgivemecourage;
There’sonesurecure,Iknow,forallmytroubles。
(Shestartstogo。)
DORINE
There,there!Comeback。Ican’tbeangrylong。
Imusttakepityonyou,afterall。
MARIANE
Oh,don’tyousee,Dorine,ifImustbearThmartyrdom,Icertainlyshalldie。
DORINE
Nowdon’tyoufret。We’llsurelyfindsomeway。
TohinderthButhere’sValere,yourlover。
SCENEIV
VALERE,MARIANE,DORINE
VALERE
Madam,apieceofnews——quitenewtome——
Hasjustcomeout,andveryfineit。
MARIANE
Whatpieceofnews?
VALERE
YourmarriagewithTartuffe。
MARIANE
’Ttruemyfatherhasthplaninmind。
VALERE
Yourfather,madam
MARIANE
Yes,he’schangedhplans,Anddidbutnowproposeittome。
VALERE
What!
Seriously?
MARIANE
Yes,hewasserious,Andopenlyinstedonthematch。
VALERE
Andwhat’syourresolutioninthematter,Madam?
MARIANE
Idon’tknow。
VALERE
That’saprettyanswer。
Youdon’tknow?
MARIANE
No。
VALERE
No?
MARIANE
Whatdoyouadve?
VALERE
I?Myadvice,marryhim,byallmeans。
MARIANE
That’syouradvice?
VALERE
Yes。
MARIANE
Doyoumeanit?
VALERE
Surely。
Asplendidchoice,andworthyofyouracceptance。
MARIANE
Oh,verywell,sir!Ishalltakeyourcounsel。
VALERE
You’llfindnotroubletakingit,Iwarrant。
MARIANE
Nomorethanyoudidgivingit,besure。
VALERE
Igaveit,truly,toobligeyou,madam。
MARIANE
AndIshalltakeittoobligeyou,sir。
Dorine(withdrawingtothebackofthestage)
Let’sseewhatthaffairwillcometo。
VALERE
So,Thatyourlove?AnditwasalldeceitWhenyou
MARIANE
Ibegyou,saynomoreofthat。
Youtoldme,squarely,sir,IshouldacceptThehusbandthatofferedme;andI
WilltellyousquarelythatImeantodoso,Sinceyouhavegivenmethgoodadvice。
VALERE
Don’tshieldyourselfwithtalkofmyadvice。
Youhadyourmindmadeup,that’sevident;
Andnowyou’resnatchingatatriflingpretextTojustifythebreakingofyourword。
MARIANE
Exactlyso。
VALERE
Ofcourseit;yourheartHasneverknowntrueloveforme。
MARIANE
Alas!
You’refreetothinkso,ifyouplease。
VALERE
Yes,yes,I’mfreetothinkso;andmyoutragedloveMayyetforestallyouinyourperfidy,Andofferelsewherebothmyheartandhand。
MARIANE
Nodoubtofit;theloveyourhighdesertsMaywin
VALERE
GoodLord,havedonewithmydeserts!
IknowIhavebutfew,andyouhaveprovedit。
ButImayfindmorekindnessinanother;
Iknowofsomeone,who’llnotbeashamedTotakeyourleavings,andmakeupmyloss。
MARIANE
Thelossnotsogreat;you’lleasilyConsoleyourselfcompletelyforthchange。
VALERE
I’lltrymybest,thatyoumaywellbelieve。
Whenwe’reforgottenbyawoman’sheart,Ourpridechallenged;we,too,mustforget;
Orifwecannot,mustatleastpretendto。
Nootherwaycanmansuchbasenessprove,Asbealoverscorned,andstillinlove。
MARIANE
Infaith,ahighandnoblesentiment。
VALERE
Yes;andit’sonethatallmenmustapprove。
What!Wouldyouhavemekeepmylovealive,Andseeyouflyintoanother’sarmsBeforemyveryeyes;andneverofferTosomeoneelsetheheartthatyouhadscorned?
MARIANE
Oh,no,indeed!Formypart,IcouldwhThatitweredonealready。
VALERE
What!Youwhit?
MARIANE
Yes。
VALERE
Thinsultheapedoninjury;
I’llgoatonceanddoasyoudesire。
(Hetakesasteportwoasiftogoaway。)
MARIANE
Oh,verywellthen。
VALERE(turningback)
Butrememberth。
’Twasyouthatdrovemetothdesperatepass。
MARIANE
Ofcourse。
VALERE(turningbackagain)
AndintheplanthatIhaveformedIonlyfollowyourexample。
MARIANE
Yes。
VALERE(atthedoor)
Enough;youshallbepunctuallyobeyed。
MARIANE
Somuchthebetter。
VALERE(comingbackagain)
Thonceforall。
MARIANE
Sobeit,then。
VALERE(Hegoestowardthedoor,butjustashereachesit,turnsaround)
Eh?
MARIANE
What?
VALERE
Youdidn’tcallme?
MARIANE
I?Youaredreaming。
VALERE
Verywell,I’mgone。Madam,farewell。
(Hewalksslowlyaway。)
MARIANE
Farewell,sir。
DORINE
ImustsayYou’velostyoursensesandbothgonecleandaft!
I’veletyoufightitouttotheendo’thechapterToseehowfarthethingcouldgo。Oho,there,MterValere!
(Shegoesandseizeshimbythearm,tostophim。Hemakesagreatshowofrestance。)
VALERE
Whatdoyouwant,Dorine?
DORINE
Comehere。
VALERE
No,no,I’mquitebesidemyself。
Don’thindermefromdoingasshewhes。
DORINE
Stop!
VALERE
No。Yousee,I’mfixed,resolved,determined。
DORINE
So!
MARIANE(aside)
Sincemypresencepainshim,makeshimgo,I’dbettergomyself,andleavehimfree。
DORINE(leavingValere,andrunningafterMariane)
Nowt’other!Whereareyougoing?
MARIANE
Letmebe。
DORINE。
Comeback。
MARIANE
No,no,itn’tanyuse。
VALERE(aside)
’Tclearthesightofmetorturetoher;
Nodoubt,t’werebetterIshouldfreeherfromit。
DORINE(leavingMarianeandrunningafterValere)
Samethingagain!Deucetakeyouboth,Isay。
Nowstopyourfooling;comehere,you;andyou。
(Shepullsfirstone,thentheother,towardthemiddleofthestage。)
VALERE(toDorine)
What’syouridea?
MARIANE(toDorine)
Whatcanyoumeantodo?
DORINE
Setyoutorights,andpullyououto’thescrape。
(ToValere)
Areyouquitemad,toquarrelwithhernow?
VALERE
Didn’tyouhearthethingsshesaidtome?
DORINE(toMariane)
Areyouquitemad,togetinsuchapassion?
MARIANE
Didn’tyouseethewayhetreatedme?
DORINE
Fools,bothofyou。
(ToValere)
ShethinksofnothingelseButtokeepfaithwithyou,Ivouchforit。
(ToMariane)
Andhelovesnonebutyou,andlongsfornothingButjusttomarryyou,Istakemylifeon’t。
MARIANE(toValere)
Whydidyougivemesuchadvicethen,pray?
VALERE(toMariane)
Whyaskformyadviceonsuchamatter?
DORINE
Youbotharedaft,Itellyou。Here,yourhands。
(ToValere)
Come,yours。
VALERE(givingDorinehhand)
Whatfor?
DORINE(toMariane)
Now,yours。
MARIANE(givingDorineherhand)
Butwhat’stheuse?
DORINE
Oh,quicknow,comealong。There,bothofyou——
Youloveeachotherbetterthanyouthink。
(ValereandMarianeholdeachother’shandssometimewithoutlookingateachother。)
VALERE(atlastturningtowardMariane)
Come,don’tbesoungraciousnowaboutit;
Lookatamanasifyoudidn’thatehim。
(MarianelookssidewaystowardValere,withjustabitofasmile。)
DORINE
Myfaithandtroth,whatfoolstheseloversbe!
VALERE(toMariane)
Butcomenow,haveInotajustcomplaint?
Andtruly,areyounotawickedcreatureTotakedelightinsayingwhatwouldpainme?
MARIANE
Andareyounotyourselfthemostungrateful?
DORINE
Leavethdcussiontillanothertime;
Now,thinkhowyou’llstaveoffthplaguymarriage。
MARIANE
Thentellushowtogoaboutit。
DORINE
Well,We’lltryallsortsofways。
(ToMariane)
Yourfather’sdaft;
(ToValere)
Thplannonsense。
(ToMariane)
YouhadbetterhumourHnotionsbyasemblanceofconsent,Sothatincaseofdanger,youcanstillFindmeanstoblockthemarriagebydelay。
Ifyougaintime,theresteasy,trustme。
Onedayyou’llfoolthemwithasuddenillness,Causingdelay;anotherday,illomens:
You’vemetafuneral,orbrokeamirror,Ordreamedofmuddywater。Bestofall,TheycannotmarryyoutoanyoneWithoutyoursayingyes。Butnow,methinks,Theymustn’tfindyouchatteringtogether。
(ToValere)
You,goatonceandsetyourfriendsatworkTomakehimkeephwordtoyou;whileweWillbringthebrother’sinfluencetobear,Andgetthestep—motheronourside,too。
Good—bye。
VALERE(toMariane)
Whatevereffortswemaymake,Mygreatesthope,besure,mustrestonyou。
MARIANE(toValere)
Icannotanswerformyfather’swhims;
ButnoonesaveValereshalleverhaveme。
VALERE
Youthrillmethroughwithjoy!Whatevercomes
DORINE
Oho!Theselovers!Neverdonewithprattling!
Nowgo。
VALERE(startingtogo,andcomingbackagain)
Onelastword
DORINE
Whatagabbleandpother!
Beoff!Bythdoor,you。Andyou,byt’other。
(Shepushesthemoff,bytheshoulders,inoppositedirections。)
ACTIII
SCENEI
DAM,DORINE
DAM
Maylightningstrikemedeadthveryinstant,MayIbeeverywhereproclaimedascoundrel,Ifanyreverenceorpowershallstopme,AndifIdon’tdostraightwaysomethingdesperate!
DORINE
Ibegyou,moderatethtoweringpassion;
Yourfatherdidbutmerelymentionit。
Notallthingsthataretalkedofturntofacts;
Theroadlong,sometimes,fromplanstoacts。
DAM
No,Imustendthpaltryfellow’splots,Andheshallhearfrommeatruthortwo。
DORINE
Soho!Goslownow。Justyouleavethefellow——
Yourfathertoo——inyourstep—mother’shands。
ShehassomeinfluencewiththTartuffe,Hemakesapointofheedingallshesays,AndIsuspectthathefondofher。
WouldGod’tweretrue!——’TwouldbetheheightofhumourNow,shehassentforhim,inyourbehalf,Tosoundhimonthmarriage,tofindoutWhathideasare,andtoshowhimplainlyWhattroubleshemaycause,ifheperstsIngivingcountenancetothdesign。
Hmansays,he’satprayers,Imustn’tseehim,Butlikewesays,he’llpresentlybedown。
Sooffwithyou,andletmewaitforhim。
DAM
Imaybepresentatthinterview。
DORINE
No,no!Theymustbeleftalone。
DAM
Iwon’tSomuchasspeaktohim。
DORINE
Goon!WeknowyouAndyourhightantrums。Justthewaytospoilthings!
Beoff。
DAM
No,Imustsee——I’llkeepmytemper。
DORINE
Outonyou,whataplague!He’scoming。Hide!
(Damgoesandhidesintheclosetatthebackofthestage。)
SCENEII
TARTUFFE,DORINE
TARTUFFE(speakingtohvalet,offthestage,assoonasheseesDorinethere)
Lawrence,putupmyhair—clothshirtandscourge,AndpraythatHeavenmaysheditslightuponyou。
Ifanycometoseeme,sayI’mgoneTosharemyalmsamongtheproners。
DORINE(aside)
Whataffectationandwhatshowingoff!
TARTUFFE
Whatdoyouwantwithme?
DORINE
Totellyou
TARTUFFE(takingahandkerchieffromhpocket)
Ah!
Beforeyouspeak,praytakethhandkerchief。
DORINE
What?
TARTUFFE
Coverupthatbosom,whichIcan’tEnduretolookon。ThingslikethatoffendOursouls,andfillourmindswithsinfulthoughts。
DORINE
Areyousotendertotemptation,then,Andhasthefleshsuchpoweruponyoursenses?
Idon’tknowhowyougetinsuchaheat;
Formypart,Iamnotsopronetolust,AndIcouldseeyoustrippedfromheadtofoot,Andallyourhidenottemptmeintheleast。
TARTUFFE
Showinyourspeechsomelittlemodesty,OrImustinstantlytakeleaveofyou。
DORINE
No,no,I’llleaveyoutoyourself;I’veonlyOnethingtosay:Madamwillsoonbedown,Andbegsthefavourofawordwithyou。
TARTUFFE
Ah!Willingly。
DORINE(aside)
Howgentleallatonce!
Myfaith,IstillbelieveI’vehituponit。
TARTUFFE
Willshecomesoon?
DORINE
IthinkIhearhernow。
Yes,heresheherself;I’llleaveyouwithher。
SCENEIII
ELMIRE,TARTUFFE
TARTUFFE
MayHeaven’soverflowingkindnesseverGiveyougoodhealthofbodyandofsoul,AndblessyourdaysaccordingtothewhesAndprayersofitsmosthumblevotary!
ELMIRE
I’mverygratefulforyourpiouswhes。
Butlet’ssitdown,sowemaytalkatease。
TARTUFFE(aftersittingdown)
Andhowareyourecoveredfromyourillness?
ELMIRE(sittingdownalso)
Quitewell;thefeversoonletgoitshold。
TARTUFFE
Myprayers,Ifear,havenotsufficientmeritTohavedrawndownthfavourfromonhigh;
ButeachentreatythatImadetoHeavenHadforitsobjectyourrecovery。
ELMIRE
You’retoosolicitousonmybehalf。
TARTUFFE
Wecouldnotcherhyourdearhealthtoomuch;
Iwouldhavegivenmine,tohelprestoreit。
ELMIRE
That’spushingChrtiancharitytoofar;
Ioweyoumanythanksforsomuchkindness。
TARTUFFE
Idofarlessforyouthanyoudeserve。
ELMIRE
ThereamatterthatIwhedtospeakofInprivate;Iamgladthere’snoonehereTolten。
TARTUFFE
Madam,Iamoverjoyed。
’Tsweettofindmyselfalonewithyou。
ThanopportunityI’veaskedOfHeaven,manyatime;tillnow,invain。
ELMIRE
AllthatIwh,justawordfromyou,Quitefrankandopen,hidingnothingfromme。
(DAM,withouttheirseeinghim,openstheclosetdoorhalfway。)
TARTUFFE
Itoocouldwh,asHeaven’sespecialfavour,Tolaymysoulquiteopentoyoureyes,Andsweartoyou,thetroublethatImadeAboutthosevitswhichyourcharmsattract,Doesnotresultfromanyhatredtowardyou,Butratherfromapassionatedevotion,Andpurestmotives
ELMIRE
ThathowItakeit,Ithink’tmysalvationthatconcernsyou。
TARTUFFE(pressingherfingertips)
Madam,’tso;andsuchmydevotion
ELMIRE
Ouch!butyousqueezetoohard。
TARTUFFE
Excessofzeal。
InnowaycouldIevermeantohurtyou,AndI’dassoon
(Heputshhandonherknee。)
ELMIRE
What’syourhanddoingthere?
TARTUFFE
Feelingyourgown;thestuffverysoft。
ELMIRE
Letbe,Ibegyou;Iamveryticklh。
(Shemovesherchairaway,andTartuffebringshnearer。)
TARTUFFE(handlingthelaceyokeofElmire’sdress)
DearmehowwonderfulinworkmanshipThlace!Theydomarvels,nowadays;
Thingsofallkindswereneverbettermade。
ELMIRE
Yes,verytrue。Butletuscometobusiness。
Theysaymyhusbandmeanstobreakhword。
AndmarryMarianetoyou。’tso?
TARTUFFE
Hedidhintsomesuchthing;buttruly,madam,That’snotthehappinessI’myearningafter;
IseeelsewherethesweetcompellingcharmsOfsuchajoyasfillsmyeverywh。
ELMIRE
Youmeanyoucannotloveterrestrialthings。
TARTUFFE
Theheartwithinmybosomnotstone。
ELMIRE
IwellbelieveyoursighsalltendtoHeaven,Andnothingherebelowcanstayyourthoughts。
TARTUFFE
LoveforthebeautyofeternalthingsCannotdestroyourloveforearthlybeauty;
OurmortalsenseswellmaybeentrancedByperfectworksthatHeavenhasfashionedhere。
Itscharmsreflectedshineinsuchasyou,Andinyourself,itsrarestmiracles;
Ithasdplayedsuchmarvelsinyourface,Thateyesaredazed,andheartsareraptaway;
Icouldnotlookonyou,theperfectcreature,WithoutadmiringNature’sgreatCreator,AndfeelingallmyheartinflamedwithloveForyou,HfairestimageofHimself。
AtfirstItrembledlestthsecretloveMightbetheEvilSpirit’sartfulsnare;
Ievenschooledmyhearttofleeyourbeauty,Thinkingitwasabartomysalvation。
Butsoon,enlightened,Oalllovelyone,Isawhowthmypassionmaybeblameless,HowImaymakeitfitwithmodesty,Andthuscompletelyyieldmyhearttoit。
’TImustown,agreatpresumptioninmeTodaremakeyoutheofferofmyheart;
Mylovehopesallthingsfromyourperfectgoodness,Andnothingfrommyownpoorweakendeavour。
Youaremyhope,mystay,mypeaceofheart;
Onyoudependsmytormentormybls;
Andbyyourdoomofjudgment,IshallbeBlest,ifyouwill;ordamned,byyourdecree。
ELMIRE
Yourdeclaration’sturnedmostgallantly;
Buttruly,itjustabitsurpring。
Youshouldhavebetterarmedyourheart,methinks,Andtakenthoughtsomewhatonsuchamatter。
Apiousmanlikeyou,knowneverywhere
TARTUFFE
Thoughpious,Iamnonethelessaman;
Andwhenamanbeholdsyourheavenlycharms,Theheartsurrenders,andcanthinknomore。
Iknowsuchwordsseemstrange,comingfromme;
But,madam,I’mnoangel,afterall;
IfyoucondemnmyfranklymadeavowalYouonlyhaveyourcharmingselftoblame。
SoonasIsawyourmorethanhumanbeauty,Youwerethenceforththesovereignofmysoul;
Sweetnessineffablewasinyoureyes,Thattookbystormmystillrestingheart,Andconqueredeverything,fasts,prayers,andtears,Andturnedmyworshipwhollytoyourself。
Mylooks,mysighs,havespokeathousandtimes;
Now,toexpressitall,myvoicemustspeak。
IfbutyouwilllookdownwithgraciousfavourUponthesorrowsofyourworthlessslave,IfinyourgoodnessyouwillgivemecomfortAndcondescenduntomynothingness,I’lleverpayyou,Osweetmiracle,Anunexampledworshipanddevotion。
Thentoo,withmeyourhonourrunsnork;
Withmeyouneednotfearapublicscandal。
Thesecourtgallants,thatwomenaresofondof,Areboastfuloftheiracts,andvaininspeech;
Theyalwaysbraginpublicoftheirprogress;
Soonasafavour’sgranted,they’lldivulgeit;
Theirtattlingtongues,ifyoubuttrusttothem,Willfoulthealtarwheretheirheartshaveworshipped。
Butmenlikemearesodcreetinlove,Thatyoumaytrusttheirlastingsecrecy。
ThecarewetaketoguardourowngoodnameMayfullyguaranteetheonewelove;
Soyoumayfind,withheartslikeourssincere,Lovewithoutscandal,pleasurewithoutfear。
ELMIRE
I’veheardyouthrough——yourspeechclear,atleast。
Butdon’tyoufearthatImaytakeafancyTotellmyhusbandofyourgallantpassion,AndthatapromptreportofthaffairMaysomewhatchangethefriendshipwhichhebearsyou?
TARTUFFE
Iknowthatyou’retoogoodandgenerous,Thatyouwillpardonmytemerity,Excuse,uponthescoreofhumanfrailty,Theviolenceofpassionthatoffendsyou,Andnotforget,whenyouconsultyourmirror,ThatI’mnotblind,andmanmadeofflesh。
ELMIRE
Somewomenmightdootherwe,perhaps,ButIamwillingtoemploydcretion,Andnotrepeatthemattertomyhusband;
Butinreturn,I’llaskonethingofyou:
Thatyouurgeforward,franklyandsincerely,ThemarriageofValeretoMariane;
ThatyougiveuptheunjustinfluenceBywhichyouhopetowinanother’srights;
And
SCENEIV
ELMIRE,DAM,TARTUFFE
DAM(comingoutofthecloset—roomwherehehadbeenhiding)
No,Isay!Ththingmustbemadepublic。
Iwasjustthere,andoverhearditall;
AndHeaven’sgoodnessmusthavebroughtmethereOnpurposetoconfoundthscoundrel’sprideAndgrantmemeanstotakeasignalvengeanceOnhhypocryandarrogance,Andundeceivemyfather,showingupTherascalcaughtatmakinglovetoyou。
ELMIRE
No,no;itenoughifhereforms,Endeavouringtodeservethefavourshownhim。
AndsinceI’vepromed,donotyoubelieme。
’Tnotmywaytomakeapublicscandal;
Anhonestwifewillscorntoheedsuchfollies,Andneverfretherhusband’searswiththem。
DAM
You’vereasonsofyourownforactingthus;
AndIhaveminefordoingotherwe。