Tosparehimnowwouldbeamockery;
  Hbigot’spridehastriumphedalltoolongOvermyrighteousanger,andhascausedFartoomuchtroubleinourfamily。
  Therascalalltoolonghasruledmyfather,Andcrossedmyster’slove,andmineaswell。
  Thetraitornowmustbeunmaskedbeforehim:
  AndProvidencehasgivenmemeanstodoit。
  ToHeavenIowetheopportunity,AndifIdidnotuseitnowIhaveit,Ishoulddeservetoloseitonceforall。
  ELMIRE
  Dam
  DAM
  No,byyourleave;I’llnotbecounselled。
  I’moverjoyed。Youneedn’ttrytotellmeImustgiveupthepleasureofrevenge。
  I’llmakeanendofthaffairatonce;
  And,tocontentme,here’smyfathernow。
  SCENEV
  ORGON,ELMIRE,DAM,TARTUFFE
  DAM
  Father,we’venewstowelcomeyourarrival,That’saltogethernovel,andsurpring。
  Youarewellpaidforyourcaressingcare,AndthfinegentlemanrewardsyourloveMosthandsomely,withzealthatseeksnolessThanyourdhonour,ashasnowbeenproven。
  I’vejustsurpredhimmakingtoyourwifeTheshamefulofferofaguiltylove。
  She,somewhatovergentleanddcreet,Instedthatthethingshouldbeconcealed;
  ButIwillnotcondonesuchshamelessness,Norsofarwrongyouastokeepitsecret。
  ELMIRE
  Yes,IbelieveawifeshouldnevertroubleHerhusband’speaceofmindwithsuchvaingossip;
  Awoman’shonourdoesnothangontelling;
  Itenoughifshedefendherself;
  OrsoIthink;Dam,you’dnothavespoken,Ifyouwouldbuthaveheededmyadvice。
  SCENEVI
  ORGON,DAM,TARTUFFE
  ORGON
  JustHeaven!CanwhatIhearbecredited?
  TARTUFFE
  Yes,brother,Iamwicked,Iamguilty,Amerablesinner,steepedinevil,Thegreatestcriminalthateverlived。
  Eachmomentofmylifestainedwithsoilures;
  Andallbutamassofcrimeandfilth;
  Heaven,formypunhment,Iseeitplainly,Wouldmortifymenow。WhateverwrongTheyfindtochargemewith,I’llnotdenyitButguardagainsttheprideofself—defence。
  Believetheirstories,armyourwrathagainstme,Anddrivemelikeavillainfromyourhouse;
  IcannothavesogreatashareofshameButwhatIhavedeservedagreaterstill。
  ORGON(tohson)
  Youmcreant,canyoudare,withsuchafalsehood,Totrytostainthewhitenessofhvirtue?
  DAM
  What!ThefeignedmeeknessofthhypocriteMakesyoudcredit
  ORGON
  Silence,cursedplague!
  TARTUFFE
  Ah!Lethimspeak;youchidehimwrongfully;
  You’ddofarbettertobelievehtales。
  Whyfavourmesomuchinsuchamatter?
  HowcanyouknowofwhatI’mcapable?
  Andshouldyoutrustmyoutwardsemblance,brother,OrjudgetherefromthatI’mthebetterman?
  No,no;youletappearancesdeceiveyou;
  I’manythingbutwhatI’mthoughttobe,Alas!andthoughallmenbelievemegodly,Thesimpletruth,I’maworthlesscreature。
  (ToDam)
  Yes,mydearson,sayon,andcallmetraitor,Abandonedscoundrel,thief,andmurderer;
  Heaponmenamesyetmoredetestable,AndIshallnotgainsayyou;I’vedeservedthem;
  I’llbearthignominyonmyknees,ToexpiateinshamethecrimesI’vedone。
  ORGON(toTartuffe)
  Ah,brother,’ttoomuch!
  (Tohson)
  You’llnotrelent,Youblackguard?
  DAM
  What!Htalkcansodeceiveyou
  ORGON
  Silence,youscoundrel!
  (ToTartuffe)
  Brother,re,Ibegyou。
  (Tohson)
  Infamousvillain!
  DAM
  Canhe
  ORGON
  Silence!
  DAM
  What
  ORGON
  Anotherword,I’llbreakyoureverybone。
  TARTUFFE
  Brother,inGod’sname,don’tbeangrywithhim!
  I’dratherbearmyselfthebitteresttortureThanhavehimgetascratchonmyaccount。
  ORGON(tohson)
  Ungratefulmonster!
  TARTUFFE
  Stop。UponmykneesIbegyoupardonhim
  ORGON(throwinghimselfonhkneestoo,andembracingTartuffe)
  Alas!Howcanyou?
  (Tohson)
  Villain!Beholdhgoodness!
  DAM
  So
  ORGON
  Bestill。
  DAM
  What!I
  ORGON
  Bestill,Isay。IknowyourmotivesForthattack。Youhatehim,allofyou;
  Wife,children,servants,allletlooseuponhim,YouhaverecoursetoeveryshamefultrickTodrivethgodlymanoutofmyhouse;
  Themoreyoustrivetoridyourselvesofhim,ThemoreI’llstrivetomakehimstaywithme;
  I’llhavehimstraightwaymarriedtomydaughter,Justtoconfoundtheprideofallofyou。
  DAM
  What!Willyouforcehertoaccepthhand?
  ORGON
  Yes,andthveryevening,toenrageyou,Youngrascal!Ah!I’llbraveyouall,andshowyouThatI’mthemaster,andmustbeobeyed。
  Now,downuponyourkneesthinstant,rogue,Andtakebackwhatyousaid,andaskhpardon。
  DAM
  Who?I?Askpardonofthatcheatingscoundrel?
  ORGON
  Doyourest,youbeggar,andinsulthim?
  Acudgel,here!acudgel!
  (ToTartuffe)
  Don’trestrainme。
  (Tohson)
  Offwithyou!Leavemyhousethinstant,sirrah,Andneverdaresetfootinitagain。
  DAM
  Yes,Iwillleaveyourhouse,but
  ORGON
  Leaveitquickly。
  Youreprobate,Idinherityou,Andgiveyou,too,mycurseintothebargain。
  SCENEVII
  ORGON,TARTUFFE
  ORGON
  What!SoinsultasaintlymanofGod!
  TARTUFFE
  Heaven,forgivehimallthepainhegivesme![4]
  [Footnote4:Somemoderneditionshaveadoptedthereading,preservedbytraditionasthatoftheearlieststageversion:Heaven,forgivehimevenasIforgivehim!Voltairegivesstillanotherreading:
  Heaven,forgivemeevenasIforgivehim!Whicheverwastheoriginalversion,itappearsinnoneoftheearlyeditions,andMoliereprobablyfeltforcedtochangeitonaccountofitstoocloseresemblancetotheBiblicalphrase。]
  (ToOrgon)
  CouldyoubutknowwithwhatdtressIseeThemtrytovilifymetomybrother!
  ORGON
  Ah!
  TARTUFFE
  ThemerethoughtofsuchingratitudeMakesmysoulsuffertorture,bitterly
  MyhorroratitAh!myheart’ssofullIcannotspeakIthinkI’lldieofit。
  ORGON(intears,runningtothedoorthroughwhichhedroveawayhson)
  Scoundrel!IwhI’dneverletyougo,Butslainyouonthespotwithmyownhand。
  (ToTartuffe)
  Brother,composeyourself,anddon’tbeangry。
  TARTUFFE
  Nay,brother,letusendthesepainfulquarrels。
  IseewhattroubloustimesIbringuponyou,Andthink’tneedfulthatIleavethhouse。
  ORGON
  What!Youcan’tmeanit?
  TARTUFFE
  Yes,theyhatemehere,Andtry,Ifind,tomakeyoudoubtmyfaith。
  ORGON
  Whatofit?DoyoufindIltentothem?
  TARTUFFE
  Nodoubttheywon’tstopthere。ThesesamereportsYounowreject,maysomedaywinahearing。
  ORGON
  No,brother,never。
  TARTUFFE
  Ah!myfriend,awomanMayeasilymleadherhusband’smind。
  ORGON
  No,no。
  TARTUFFE
  SoletmequicklygoawayAndthusremoveallcauseforsuchattacks。
  ORGON
  No,youshallstay;mylifedependsuponit。
  TARTUFFE
  ThenImustmortifymyself。Andyet,Ifyoushouldwh
  ORGON
  No,never!
  TARTUFFE
  Verywell,then;
  Nomoreofthat。ButIshallrulemyconductTofitthecase。Honourdelicate,Andfriendshipbindsmetoforestallsuspicion,Preventallscandal,andavoidyourwife。
  ORGON
  No,youshallhaunther,justtospitethemall。
  ’Tmydelighttosettheminarage;
  YoushallbeseentogetheratallhoursAndwhatmore,thebettertodefythem,I’llhavenootherheirbutyou;andstraightwayI’llgoandmakeadeedofgifttoyou,Drawnindueform,ofallmyproperty。
  Agoodtruefriend,myson—in—lawtobe,moretomethanson,andwife,andkindred。
  Youwillacceptmyoffer,willyounot?
  TARTUFFE
  Heaven’swillbedoneineverything!
  ORGON
  Poorman!
  We’llgomakehastetodrawthedeedaright,Andthenletenvyburstitselfwithspite!
  ACTIV
  SCENEI
  CLEANTE,TARTUFFE
  CLEANTE
  Yes,it’sbecomethetalkofallthetown,Andmakeastirthat’sscarcelytoyourcredit;
  AndIhavemetyou,sir,mostopportunely,Totellyouinawordmyfrankopinion。
  Nottosiftoutthscandaltothebottom,Supposetheworstforus——supposeDamActedthetraitor,andaccusedyoufalsely;
  ShouldnotaChrtianpardonthoffence,Andstifleinhheartallwhforvengeance?
  Shouldyoupermitthat,foryourpettyquarrel,Asonbedrivenfromhfather’shouse?
  Itellyouyetagain,andtellyoufrankly,Everyone,highorlow,scandaled;
  Ifyou’lltakemyadvice,you’llmakeitup,Andnotpushmatterstoextremities。
  MakesacrificetoGodofyourresentment;
  Restorethesontofavourwithhfather。
  TARTUFFE
  Alas!SofarasI’mconcerned,howgladlyWouldIdoso!Ibearhimnoillwill;
  Ipardonall,laynothingtohcharge,AndwhwithallmyheartthatImightservehim;
  ButHeaven’sinterestscannotallowit;
  Ifhereturns,thenImustleavethehouse。
  Afterhconduct,quiteunparalleled,Allintercoursebetweenuswouldbringscandal;
  Godknowswhateveryone’sfirstthoughtwouldbe!
  TheywouldattributeittomerestschemingOnmypart——saythatconsciousofmyguiltIfeignedaChrtianloveformyaccuser,Butfearedhiminmyheart,andhopedtowinhimAndunderhandedlysecurehsilence。
  CLEANTE
  Youtrytoputusoffwithspeciousphrases;
  Butallyourargumentsaretoofar—fetched。
  WhytakeuponyourselfthecauseofHeaven?
  DoesHeavenneedourhelptopunhsinners?
  Leavetoitselfthecareofitsownvengeance,Andkeepinmindthepardonitcommandsus;
  Besides,thinksomewhatlessofmen’sopinions,WhenyouarefollowingthewillofHeaven。
  ShallpettyfearofwhattheworldmaythinkPreventthedoingofanobledeed?
  No!——letusalwaysdoasHeavencommands,Andnotperplexourbrainswithfurtherquestions。
  TARTUFFE
  AlreadyIhavetoldyouIforgivehim;
  Andthatdoing,sir,asHeavencommands。
  Butafterthday’sscandalandaffrontHeavendoesnotordermetolivewithhim。
  CLEANTE
  AnddoesitorderyoutolendyourearTowhatmerewhimsuggestedtohfather,Andtoacceptgiftofhestates,Onwhich,injustice,youcanmakenoclaim?
  TARTUFFE
  Noonewhoknowsme,sir,canhavethethoughtThatIamactingfromaselfhmotive。
  Thegoodsofthworldhavenocharmsforme;
  Iamnotdazzledbytheirtreacherousglamour;
  AndifIbringmyselftotakethegiftWhichheinstsongivingme,Idoso,Totellthetruth,onlybecauseIfearThwholeestatemayfallintobadhands,AndthosetowhomitcomesmayuseitillAndnotemployit,asmydesign,ForHeaven’sgloryandmyneighbours’good。
  CLEANTE
  Eh,sir,giveuptheseconscientiousscruplesThatwellmaycausearightfulheir’scomplaints。
  Don’ttakesomuchuponyourself,butlethimPossesswhat’sh,athownrkandperil;
  Consider,itwerebetterhemusedit,Thanyoushouldbeaccusedofrobbinghim。
  IamastoundedthatunblushinglyYoucouldallowsuchofferstobemade!
  Tellme——hastruereligionanymaximThatteachesustorobthelawfulheir?
  IfHeavenhasmadeitquiteimpossibleDamandyoushouldlivetogetherhere,WereitnotbetteryoushouldquietlyAndhonourablywithdraw,thanletthesonBedrivenoutforyoursake,deadagainstAllreason?’Twouldbegiving,sir,believeme,Suchanexampleofyourprobity
  TARTUFFE
  Sir,ithalf—pastthree;certaindevotionsRecallmetomycloset;you’llforgivemeForleavingyousosoon。
  CLEANTE(alone)
  Ah!
  SCENEII
  ELMIRE,MARIANE,CLEANTE,DORINE
  DORINE(toCleante)
  Sir,webegyouTohelpusallyoucaninherbehalf;
  She’ssufferingalmostmorethanheartcanbear;
  Thmatchherfathermeanstomaketo—nightDriveshereachmomenttodespair。He’scoming。
  Letusuniteoureffortsnow,webegyou,Andtrybystrengthorskilltochangehpurpose。
  SCENEIII
  ORGON,ELMIRE,MARIANE,CLEANTE,DORINE
  ORGON
  Soho!I’mgladtofindyoualltogether。
  (ToMariane)
  Herethecontractthatshallmakeyouhappy,Mydear。Youknowalreadywhatitmeans。
  MARIANE(onherkneesbeforeOrgon)
  Father,Ibegyou,inthenameofHeavenThatknowsmygrief,andbywhate’ercanmoveyou,Relaxalittleyourpaternalrights,Andfreemylovefromthobedience!
  Oh,donotmakeme,byyourharshcommand,ComplaintoHeavenyoueverweremyfather;
  Donotmakewretchedthpoorlifeyougaveme。
  If,crossingthatfondhopewhichIhadformed,You’llnotpermitmetobelongtooneWhomIhavedaredtolove,atleast,IbegyouUponmyknees,oh,savemefromthetormentOfbeingpossessedbyonewhomIabhor!
  AnddonotdrivemetosomedesperateactByexercingallyourrightsuponme。
  ORGON(alittletouched)
  Come,come,myheart,befirm!nohumanweakness!
  MARIANE
  Iamnotjealousofyourloveforhim;
  Dplayitfreely;givehimyourestate,Andifthat’snotenough,addallofmine;
  Iwillinglyagree,andgiveitup,Ifonlyyou’llnotgivehimme,yourdaughter;
  Oh,ratherletaconvent’srigidruleWearoutthewretcheddaysthatHeavenallotsme。
  ORGON
  Thesegirlsareninnies!——alwaysturningnunsWhenfathersthwarttheirsillylove—affairs。
  Getonyourfeet!Themoreyouhatetohavehim,Themore’twillhelpyouearnyoursoul’ssalvation。
  So,mortifyyoursensesbythmarriage,Anddon’tvexmeaboutitanymore。
  DORINE
  Butwhat?
  ORGON
  Youholdyourtongue,beforeyourbetters。
  Don’tdaretosayasingleword,Itellyou。
  CLEANTE
  Ifyouwillletmeanswer,andadve
  ORGON
  Brother,Ivalueyouradvicemosthighly;
  ’Twellthoughtout;nobettercanbehad;
  Butyou’llallowme——nottofollowit。
  ELMIRE(toherhusband)
  Ican’tfindwordstocopewithsuchacase;
  Yourblindnessmakesmequiteastoundedatyou。
  Youarebewitchedwithhim,todbelieveThethingswetellyouhappenedhereto—day。
  ORGON
  Iamyourhumbleservant,andcanseeThings,whenthey’replainasnosesonfolks’faces,Iknowyou’repartialtomyrascalson,Anddidn’tdaretodavowthetrickHetriedtoplayonthpoorman;besides,Youweretoocalm,tobebelieved;ifthatHadhappened,you’dhavebeenfarmoredturbed。
  ELMIRE
  AndmustourhonouralwaysrushtoarmsAtthemerementionofillicitlove?
  OrcanweanswernoattackuponitExceptwithblazingeyesandlipsofscorn?
  Formypart,Ijustlaughawaysuchnonsense;
  I’venodesiretomakealoudto—do。
  Ourvirtueshould,Ithink,begentle—natured;
  NorcanIquiteapprovethosesavageprudesWhosehonourarmsitselfwithteethandclawsTotearmen’seyesoutattheslightestword。
  Heavenpreservemefromthatkindofhonour!
  Ilikemyvirtuenottobeavixen,AndIbelieveaquietcoldrebuffNolesseffectivetorepulsealover。
  ORGON
  Iknowandyoucan’tthrowmeoffthescent。
  ELMIRE
  Oncemore,Iamastoundedatyourweakness;
  Iwonderwhatyourunbeliefwouldanswer,IfIshouldletyouseewe’vetoldthetruth?
  ORGON
  Seeit?
  ELMIRE
  Yes。
  ORGON
  Nonsense。
  ELMIRE
  Come!IfIshouldfindAwaytomakeyouseeitclearasday?
  ORGON
  Allrubbh。
  ELMIRE
  Whataman!Butanswerme。
  I’mnotproposingnowthatyoubelieveus;
  Butlet’ssupposethathere,fromproperhiding,Youshouldbemadetoseeandhearallplainly;
  Whatwouldyousaythen,toyourmanofvirtue?
  ORGON
  Why,then,I’dsaysaynothing。Itcan’tbe。
  ELMIRE
  Yourerrorhasenduredtoolongalready,Andquitetoolongyou’vebrandedmealiar。
  Imustatonce,formyownsatfaction,Makeyouawitnessofthethingswe’vetoldyou。
  ORGON
  Amen!Itakeyouatyourword。We’llseeWhattricksyouhave,andhowyou’llkeepyourprome。
  ELMIRE(toDorine)
  Sendhimtome。
  DORINE(toElmire)
  Theman’sacraftycodger,Perhapsyou’llfinditdifficulttocatchhim。
  ELMIRE(toDorine)
  Ohno!Alover’sneverhardtocheat,Andself—conceitleadsstraighttoself—deceit。
  Bidhimcomedowntome。
  (ToCleanteandMariane)
  Andyou,withdraw。
  SCENEIV
  ELMIRE,ORGON
  ELMIRE
  Bringupthtable,andgetunderit。
  ORGON
  What?
  ELMIRE
  Oneessentialtohideyouwell。
  ORGON
  Whyunderthere?
  ELMIRE
  Oh,dear!DoasIsay;
  IknowwhatI’mabout,asyoushallsee。
  Getunder,now,Itellyou;andoncethereBecarefulnooneeitherseesorhearsyou。
  ORGON
  I’mgoingalongwaytohumouryou,Imustsay;butI’llseeyouthroughyourscheme。
  ELMIRE
  Andthenyou’llhave,Ithink,nomoretosay。
  (Toherhusband,whonowunderthetable。)
  Butmind,I’mgoingtomeddlewithstrangematters;
  Prepareyourselftobeinnoweshocked。
  WhateverImaysaymustpass,because’Tonlytoconvinceyou,asIpromed。
  Bywheedlingspeeches,sinceI’mforcedtodoit,I’llmakethhypocriteputoffhmask,Flatterthelongingsofhshamelesspassion,Andgivefreeplaytoallhimpudence。
  But,since’tforyoursake,toprovetoyouHguilt,thatIshallfeigntosharehlove,Icanleaveoffassoonasyou’reconvinced,Andthingsshallgonofartherthanyouchoose。
  So,whenyouthinkthey’vegonequitefarenough,Itforyoutostophmadpursuit,Tospareyourwife,andnotexposemefartherThanyoushallneed,yourself,toundeceiveyou。
  Ityourownaffair,andyoumustenditWhenHerehecomes。Keepstill,don’tshowyourself。
  SCENEV
  TARTUFFE,ELMIRE;ORGON(underthetable)
  TARTUFFE
  Theytoldmethatyouwhedtoseemehere。
  ELMIRE
  Yes。Ihavesecretsforyourearalone。
  Butshutthedoorfirst,andlookeverywhereForfearofspies。
  (Tartuffegoesandclosesthedoor,andcomesback。)
  Wesurelycan’taffordAnotherscenelikethatwehadjustnow;
  Waseveranyonesocaughtbefore!
  DamdidfrightenmemostterriblyOnyouraccount;yousawIdidmybestTobafflehdesign,andcalmhanger。
  ButIwassoconfused,IneverthoughtTocontradicthstory;still,thankHeaven,Thingsturnedoutallthebetter,asithappened,Andnowwe’reonanevensaferfooting。
  Thehighesteemyou’reheldin,laidthestorm;
  Myhusbandcanhavenosuspicionofyou,Andeveninsts,tospitethescandal—mongers,Thatweshallbetogetherconstantly;
  Sothathow,withouttherkofblame,Icanbeherelockedupwithyoualone,Andcanrevealtoyoumyheart,perhapsOnlytooreadytoallowyourpassion。
  TARTUFFE
  Yourwordsaresomewhathardtounderstand,Madam;justnowyouusedadifferentstyle。