Theyhadlearnedthathisagentwasemployedinshowingthephonographinadistanthallontheboulevardstoanaudiencewhopaidanadmissionfee;but，althoughtheyhadtriedtwoorthreetimestohavehisapparatusshownthem，theyhadbeenunsuccessful，untilatlast，fromafeelingofwhatwasduetheirownself—respect，theypassedthematteroverentirely。Ofcoursemydutywastodowhatwaspossibleinrectifyingthisomission，andinasgoodFrenchasIcouldmusterImadeaspeechinEdison’sbehalf，describinghiscareer，outlininghiswork，andsayingthatIshouldreallybeashamedtoreturntoAmericawithoutsomerecognitionofhimandofhisinventions。Thiswaslistenedtomostcourteously，butmysuccesswasinsuredbyaremarkofalessseriouscharacter，whichwasthatifEdisonhadnotyetmadeasufficientnumberofinventionstoentitlehimtoagrandprize，hewouldcertainly，attheratehewasgoingon，havedonesobeforethecloseoftheexposition。Atthistherewasalaugh，andmyamendmentwasunanimouslycarried。
Manyfeaturesinmyworkinterestedme，butonehadamelancholytinge。Oneafternoon，havingbeensummonedtopassuponcertaincompetingworksinsculpture，wefinallystoodbeforethegreatbronzeentrance—
doorsoftheCathedralofStrasburg，which，havingbeendesignedbeforetheFranco—PrussianWar，hadbutjustbeenfinished。Theywereverybeautiful;butIcouldseethatmyFrenchassociatesfeltdeeplythechangedsituationofaffairswhichthisexhibitbroughttotheirminds。
Inordertopromotethesocialrelationswhichgoforsomuchatsuchtimes，IhadtakenthelargeapartmenttemporarilyrelinquishedbyourAmericanminister，GovernorNoyesofOhio，intheAvenueJosephine;andthere，atmyowntable，broughttogetherfromtimetotimeaconsiderablenumberofnotedmenfromvariouspartsofEurope。PerhapsthemostamusingoccurrenceduringtheseriesofdinnersIthengavewasthemeetingbetweenStory，theAmericansculptoratRome，andJudgeBradyofNewYork。Foryearseachhadbeentakenfortheother，invariouspartsoftheworld，buttheyhadnevermet。
Infact，socommonwasitforpeopletomistakeonefortheotherthatbothhad，asarule，ceasedtoexplainthemistake。IwasmyselfpresentwithStoryononeoccasionwhenagentlemancameuptohim，salutedhimasJudgeBrady，andaskedhimabouttheirfriendsinNewYork:
Storytooknotroubletoundeceivehisinterlocutor，butremarkedthat，sofarasheknew，theywereallwell，andendedtheinterviewwithcommonplaces。
ThesetwoDromiosevidentlyenjoyedmeeting，andnothingcouldbemoreamusingthantheiraccountsofvariousinstancesinwhicheachhadbeenmistakenfortheother。Eachhadarichveinofhumor，andbothpresentedthedetailsoftheseoccurrenceswithespecialzest。
AnotherAmerican，offoreignbirth，wasnotquitesocharming。Hewasamanofvalueinhisprofession;buthisdesireforpromotionoutranhisdiscretion。HavingservedasjurorattheViennaExposition，hehadnowbeenappointedtoasimilarplaceinParis;andafteroneofmydinnershecameuptoagroupinwhichthereweretwoorthreemembersoftheFrenchcabinet，andsaid:
``Mr。Vite，IvishyouvouldjoostdelldesezhentlemenvatIamdoingvorVrance。IvasondedastinggommitteeforvinesundpeersatVien，andit’mostkilledme;andnowIamheredoingdesameduty，andmystomachhasnearlygonepackonme。TelldesezhentlemendatdeFrenchGovernmentzurelyoughttogonferubonmedeLegionofHonor。’’Thiswasspokenwiththeutmostseriousness，andwasembarrassing，since，ofallsubjects，thatwhichaFrenchministerleastwishestodiscusspubliclyistheconferringoftheredribbon。
EmbarrassingalsowasthejubilationofsomeofourAmericanexhibitorsatourcelebrationoftheFourthofJulyintheBoisdeBoulogne。Doubtlesstheywereexcellentcitizens，butneverwasthereabetterexemplificationofDr。Arnold’ssayingthat``atravellerisaself—constitutedoutlaw。’’Agenerousbuffethadbeenprovided，aftertheFrenchfashion，withasufficiencyofviandsandwhateverwinewasneeded。Tomyamazement，thesemen，whoathomeweremostofthem，probably，steady—going``temperancemen，’’weresoovercomewiththeideathatchampagnewastobeservedadlibitum，thatthewholethingcameneardegeneratingintoanorgy。A
Europeanofthesamerank，accustomedtodrinkingwinemoderatelywithhisdinner，wouldhavesimplytakenaglassortwoandthoughtnomoreofit;butthesegentlemenseemedtoseeinittheoccasionoftheirlives。Bottleswereseizedandemptied，glassafterglass，downthethroatsofmyimpulsivefellow—citizens:inmanycasesabottleandmoretoaman。Thencametheworstofit。
IthadbeenarrangedthatspeechesshouldbemadeunderaneighboringtentbyleadingmembersoftheFrenchcabinetwhohadacceptedinvitationstoaddressus。Butwhentheyproceededtodothisdifficultiesarose。Anumberofourcompatriots，undulyexhilarated，andunderstandinglittlethatwassaid，firstapplaudedongeneralprinciples，butatthewrongplaces，andfinallybrokeoutintoapostrophessuchas``SpeakEnglish，oldboy！’’
``TalkYankeefashion！’’``RememberthegloriousFourth！’’``GiveittotheBritish！’’``Maketheeaglescream！’’andthelike。Theresultwasthatwewereobligedtomakemostearnestappealstothesegentlemen，beggingthemnottodisgraceourcountry;and，finally，theproceedingswerecutshort。
Norwasthistheend。AsIcamedowntheChampslysesafterward，Imetseveralgroupsofthesepatriots，whoshowedbytheirwalkandconversationthattheyweredecidedlytheworsefortheircelebrationoftheday;andthewholethingledmetoreflectseriouslyonthedrinkproblem，andtoaskwhetherourAmericansolutionofitisthebest。Ihavebeenpresentatmanylargefestiveassemblages，invariouspartsofEurope，wherewinewasofferedfreelyasamatterofcourse;butneverhaveIseenanythingtoapproachthisperformanceofmycountrymen。IhavebeenoneoffourthousandpeopleattheHteldeVilleinParisontheoccasionofagreatball，atotherentertainmentsalmostaslargeinotherContinentalcountries，andatdinnerpartiesinnumerableineveryEuropeancountry;butnever，saveinoneinstance，werethefestivitiesdisturbedbyanymanonaccountofdrink。
ThemosteminentofAmericantemperanceadvocatesduringmyyoungmanhood，Mr。Delavan，insistedthathefoundItaly，whereallpeople，men，women，andchildren，drinkwinewiththeirmeals，iftheycangetit，themosttemperatecountryhehadeverseen;and，havingmademorethantwelvedifferentsojournsinItaly，Icanconfirmthatopinion。
So，too，againandagain，whentravelingintheolddaysonthetopofadiligencethroughvillageaftervillageinFrance，wherethepeoplewerecommemoratingthepatronsaintoftheirdistrict，Ihavepassedthroughcrowdsofmen，women，andchildrenseatedbytheroadsidedrinkingwine，cider，andbeer，and，sofarasonecouldsee，therewasnodrunkenness;certainlynoneofthesqualid，brutal，swinishsort。Itmayindeedbesaidthat，inspiteoflightstimulants，drunkennesshasoflateyearsincreasedinFrance，especiallyamongartisansanddaylaborers。Ifthisbeso，itcomestostrengthenmyview。Forthemainreasonwilldoubtlessbefoundintheincreasedpricesoflightwines，duetovinediseasesandthelike，whichhavedriventhepoorerclassestoseekfarmorenoxiousbeverages。
So，too，inGermany。Likeeveryresidentinthatcountry，Ihaveseengreatcrowdsdrinkingmuchbeer，and，thoughIgreatlydislikethatsortofguzzling，Ineversawanythingofthebeastly，crazy，drunkenexhibitionswhicharesocommononIndependenceDayandcounty—
fairdayinmanyAmericantownswheretotalabstinenceisloudlypreachedandostensiblypractised。LeastofalldoIadmirethebeer—swillingpropensitiesoftheGermanstudents，andstillImustconfessthatIhaveneverseenanythingsowild，wicked，outrageous，anddestructivetosoulandbodyasthedrinkingofdistilledliquorsatbarswhich，inmystudentdays，IsawamongAmericanstudents。
ButImakehastetosaythatwithinthelasttwentyorthirtyyearsAmericanstudentshaveimprovedimmenselyinthisrespect。Athleticsandgreaterinterestinstudy，causedbythesubstitutionofthestudents’ownaimsandtastesfortheoldcast—ironcurriculum，aredoubtlessthemainreasonsforthisimprovement。[12]
[12]FurtherreasonsforthisimprovementIhaveendeavoredtogivemoreindetailelsewhere。
Yet，inspiteofthisredeemingthing，thefactremainsthatoneofthegreatestcursesofAmericanlifeisthedram—drinkingofdistilledliquorsatbars;andonekeyofthewholemiseryistheAmericanhabitof``treating，’’——ahabitunknowninothercountries。Forexample，inAmerica，ifTom，Dick，andHarryhappentomeetatahotel，orinthestreet，todiscusspoliticsorbusiness，TominvitesDickandHarrytodrinkwithhim，which，inaccordancewiththecodeexistingamonglargeclassesofourfellow—citizens，DickandHarryfeelboundtodo。
AfteralittlemoretalkDickinvitesHarryandTomtodrink;theyfeelobligedtoaccept;andfinallyHarryinvitesTomandDick，withlikeresult;sothatthesethreemenhavepoureddowntheirthroatsseveralglassesofburningstimulants，perhapsinthemorning，perhapsjustbeforethemiddaymeal，oratsomeotherespeciallyunsuitabletime，withresultsmoreorlessinjurioustoeachofthem，physicallyandmorally。
TheEuropean，moresensible，takeswithhisdinner，asarule，aglassortwoofwineorbeer，andislittle，ifatall，theworseforit。Ifheevertakesanydistilledliquor，hesipsaverysmallglassofitafterhisdinner，toaiddigestion。
Itismyearnestconviction，baseduponwideobservationinmyowncountryaswellasinmanyothersduringabouthalfacentury，thattheAmericantheoryandpracticeasregardsthedrinkquestionaregenerallymoreperniciousthanthoseofanyothercivilizednation。I
amnotnowspeakingofTOTALABSTINENCE——ofthat，morepresently。ButthebestTEMPERANCEworkersamongusthatIknowarethemenwhobrewlight，purebeer，andthevine—growersinCaliforniawhoraiseandsellataverylowpricewinespleasantandsalutary，ifanywinescanbeso。
Astothosewhohavenoself—restraint，beerandwine，likemanyotherthings，promotethe``survivalofthefittest，’’andare，likemanyotherthings，``fool—killers，’’
aidingtofreethenextgenerationfrommenofviciouspropensitiesandweakwill。
Irepeatit，thecurseofAmericansociallife，amongaveryconsiderableclassofourpeople，is``perpendiculardrinking’’——thatis，thepouringdownofglassafterglassofdistilledspirits，mostlyadulterated，atallsortsofinopportunetimes，andlargelyunderthesystemof``treating。’’
Thebestcureforthis，inmyjudgment，wouldbeforStatestoauthorizeandlocalauthoritiestoadoptthe``Swedishsystem，’’whichIfounddoingexcellentserviceatGothenburginSwedenafewyearssince，andwhichIamsorrytoseethefanaticstherehaverecentlywrecked。Underthisplanthevarioustownsallowedacompanytoopenacertainnumberofclean，tidydrinking—
places;obligedthemtopurchasepureliquors;forbadethem，underpenalties，toselltoanymanwhohadalreadytakentoomuch;madeitalsoobligatorytosellsomethingtoeatatthesametimewithsomethingtodrink;and，bestofall，restrictedtheprofitsoftheseestablishmentstoamoderatepercentage，——sevenoreightpercent。，ifIre—
memberrightly，——allthesurplusreceiptsgoingtopublicpurposes，andespeciallytolocalcharities。Themainpointwasthatthemenappointedtodispensethedrinkshadnomotivetoselladulterateddrinks，oranymoreliquorthanwasconsistentwiththesobrietyofthecustomer。
Imayaddthat，inmyopinion，theworstenemiesofrealtemperanceinAmerica，asinothercountries，havebeenthethoughtlessscreamersagainstintemperance，whohavedrivenvastnumbersoftheirfellow—citizenstodrinkinsecretoratbars。OfcourseIshallhavethehonorofbeingrailedatanddenouncedbyeveryfanaticwhoreadstheselines，butfrommyheartIbelievethemtrue。
IrememberthatsomeofthesepeoplebitterlyattackedGovernorStanfordofCaliforniafortheendowmentofStanfordUniversity，inpart，fromtherentofhisvineyards。
PeoplewhohadnotawordtosayagainstonetheologicalseminaryforacceptingtheDanielDrewendowment，oragainstanotherforacceptingtheJayGouldendowment，werehorrifiedthattheStanfordUniversityshouldreceiverevenuefromavineyard。ThevineyardsofCalifornia，iftheirproductwerelegallyprotectedfromadulteration，couldbemadeoneofthemostpotentinfluencesagainstdrunkennessthatourcountryhasseen。TheCaliforniawinesarepracticallytheonlypurewinesaccessibletoAmericans。Theyaresoplentifulthatthereisnomotivetoadulteratethem，andtheiruseamongthoseofuswhoaresounwiseastodrinkanythingexceptwateroughttobeeffectivelyadvocatedassupplantingthedrinkingofbeerpoisonedwithstrychnine，whiskypoisonedwithfusel—oil，and``Frenchclaret’’poisonedwithsalicylicacidandaniline。
Thetruewaytosupplantthe``saloon’’andthebarroom，asregardsworking—menwhoobeytheirsocialinstinctsbyseekingsomethinginthenatureofaclub，andthereforeresortingtoplaceswherestimulantsaresold，istotakethecoursesoablyadvocatedbyBishopPotter:
namely，tofurnishplacesofrefreshmentandamusementwhichshallbefreefromalltendencytobeastliness，andwhich，withcheerfulopenfireplaces，gamesofvarioussorts，goodcoffeeandtea，and，ifnecessary，lightbeerandwine，shallbemoreattractivethanthe``saloons’’
and``dives’’whicharedoingourcountrysuchvastharm。
Myadvicetoallmenistodrinknothingbutwater。
Thatiscertainlythewisestwayforninemenoutoften——andprobablyforallten。Indeed，onereasonwhythegreatbodyofourpeopleaccomplishsomuchmoreinagiventimethanthoseofanyothercountry，andwhytheaverageAmericanworking—man``catcheson’’and``gitsthar’’morecertainlyandquicklythanamanofthesamesortinanyothercountry（andcarefulcomparisonbetweenvariousothercountriesandourownhasshownthatthisisthecase），isthatamuchlargerproportionofourpeopledonotstupefythemselveswithstimulants。
InwhatIhavesaidaboveIhavehadinviewtheproblemasitreallystands:namely，theexistenceofaverylargenumberofpeoplewhoWILLhavestimulantsofsomekind。Insuchcasescommonsensewouldseemtodictatethat，inthecaseofthosewhopersistinusingdistilledliquors，somethingoughttobedonetosubstitutethosewhicharepureforthosewhichareabsolutelypoisonousandmaddening;and，inthecaseofthosewhomerelyseekamildstimulant，tosubstitutefordistilledliquorslightfermentedbeverages;and，inthecaseofthosewhoseekmerelyrecreationaftertoil，tosubstituteforbeverageswhichcontainalcohol，lightbeverageslikecoffee，tea，andchocolate。
Thisisalongdigression，butliberavianimammeam，andnowIreturntomymainsubject。
TheAmericancommissionersweretreatedwithgreatkindnessbytheFrenchauthorities。Therewereexceedinglyinterestingreceptionsbyvariousministers，andattheseonemetthemenbestworthknowinginFrance:
themenfamousinscience，literature，andart，whoredeemFrancefromthedisgraceheapeduponherbythewretchedcreatureswhomostnoisilyrepresentherthroughsensationalnewspapers。
OfthemenwhoimpressedmemostwasHenriMartin，theeminenthistorian。HediscussedwithmethehistoryofFranceinawaywhicharousedmanynewtrainsofthought。JulesSimon，eminentbothasascholarandastatesman，didmuchforme。OnoneoccasionhetookmeaboutParis，showingmeplacesofspecialinterestconnectedwiththemorestrikingscenesoftheRevolutionaryperiod;onanother，hewentwithmetothedistributionofprizesattheFrenchAcademy——amoststrikingscene;
andonstillanotherhepilotedmethroughhisbeautifullibrary，pointingoutvariousvolumesinwhichwereembeddedbulletswhichthecommunardshadfiredthroughhiswindowsfromtheroofoftheMadeleinejustopposite。
AnotherinterestingexperiencewasabreakfastwiththeeminentchemistSainte—ClaireDeville，atwhichImetPasteur，whoafterwardtookmethroughhislaboratories，wherehewasthenmakingsomeofhismostimportantexperiments。Inonepartofhisdomaintherewerecagescontainingdogs，andonmyaskingaboutthemhesaidthathewasbeginningacourseofexperimentsbearingonthecausesandcureofhydrophobia。Nothingcouldbemoresimpleandmodestthanthisannouncementofoneofthemostfruitfulinvestigationsevermade。
Visitstovariousinstitutionsoflearninginterestedmemuch，amongtheseasecondvisittotheAgriculturalCollegeatGrignonandthewonderfulConservatoiredesArtsetMtiers，whichgavemenewideasforthesimilardepartmentsatCornell，andamorningatthecoleNormale，whereIsawaltogetherthebestteachingofaLatinclassicthatIhaveeverknown。AsIheardProfessorDesjardinsdiscussingwithhisclassoneofCicero’slettersinthelightofmodernmonumentsintheLouvreandofrecentarchaeologicaldiscoveries，Ilongedtobeaboyagain。
AmongthestatesmenwhomImetatthattimeinFrance，astrongimpressionwasmadeuponmebyonewhohadplayedaleadingpartintheearlydaysofNapoleonIII，butwhowasatthistimelivinginretirement，M。DrouyndeLhuys。Hehadwondistinctionasministerofforeignaffairs，but，havingretiredfrompolitics，hadgivenhimselfupinhisoldagetovariousgoodenterprises，amongthese，tothegreatReformSchoolatMettray。
Thisheurgedmetovisit，and，althoughitwasataconsiderabledistancefromParis，Itookhisadvice，andwasmuchinterestedinit。Theschoolseemedtomewelldeservingthoroughstudybyallespeciallyinterestedintheproblemofcrimeinourowncountry。
ThereisinFranceasystemunderwhich，whenanyyoungmanisevidentlygoingallwrong，——squanderinghispatrimonyandbringinghisfamilyintodisgrace，——afamilycouncilcanbecalled，withpowertoplacethewaywardyouthunderrestraint;andhere，inonepartoftheMettrayestablishment，wereroomsinwhichsuchyouthsweredetainedinaccordancewiththerequestsoffamilycouncils。
Itappearedthatsomehadderivedbenefitfromthesedetentions，fortherewereshownmeoneortwolettersfromthem:one，indeed，writtenbyayoungmanonthebottomofadrawer，andintendedfortheeyeofhissuccessorintheapartment，whichwasthemostcontriteyetmanlyappealIhaveeverread。
AnothermanofgreateminencewhomImetinthosedayswasThiers。IwastakenbyanoldadmirerofhistohisfamoushouseinthePlaceSt。Georges，andtherefoundhim，inthemidstofhisdevotees，receivinghomage。
Hesaidbutlittle，andthatlittlewascommonplace;butIwasnotespeciallydisappointed:myopinionofhimwasmadeuplongbefore，andtimehasbutconfirmedit。ThemoreIhaveconsideredhisdoingsasministerorparliamentarian，andthemoreIhavereadhisworks，whetherhispoliticalpamphletknownasthe``HistoryoftheFrenchRevolution，’’whichdidsomuchtoarousesterilecivilstruggles，orhis``HistoryoftheConsulateandoftheEmpire，’’whichdidsomuchtorevivetheNapoleoniclegend，orhisspeechesundertheconstitutionalmonarchyofLouisPhilippe，undertheRepublic，andundertheSecondEmpire，whichdidsomuchtopromoteconfusionandanarchy，thelessIadmirehim。Heseemstomeeminentlyanarchitectofruin。
ItistruethatwhenFrancewaswallowinginthemiseryintowhichheandmenlikehimhaddonesomuchtoplungeher，heexertedhimselfwonderfullytoaccomplishherrescue;butwhenthehistoryofthatcountryduringthelastcenturyshallbefairlywritten，hiscareer，brilliantasitonceappeared，willbeadmiredbynothinkingpatriot。
IcametohavefarmorerespectforanotherstatesmanwhomIthenmet——Duruy，theeminenthistorianofFranceandofRome，whohadlaboredsoearnestlyundertheSecondEmpire，bothasahistorianandaministerofstate，todevelopabasisforrationalliberty。
Seatednextmeatdinner，hemadearemarkwhichthrewmuchlightononeofthemostseriousfaultsoftheFrenchRepublic。Saidhe，``Monsieur，IwasministerofpublicinstructionundertheEmpireforsevenyears;sincemyleavingthatpostsixyearshaveelapsed，andinthattimeIhavehadsevensuccessors。’’
OnanotheroccasionhediscoursedwithmeaboutthespecialdifficultiesofFrance;andasImentionedtohimthatIrememberedhiscontroversywithCardinaldeBonnechose，inwhichthelattertriedtodrivehimoutofofficebecausehedidnotfetterscientificteachingintheUniversityofParis，hespokequitefreelywithme。Althoughnotatallaradical，andevidentlywillingtoactinconcertwiththechurchasfaraspossible，hegavemetounderstandthatthedemandsmadebyecclesiasticsuponeveryFrenchministrywereabsolutelyunendurable;
thatFrancenevercouldyieldtothesedemands;andthat，soonerorlater，agreatbreakmustcomebetweenthechurchandmodernsociety。Hisprophecynowseemsnearingfulfilment。
Amongthevariousmeetingswhichwereheldinconnectionwiththeexpositionwasaconventionofliterarymenforthepurposeofsecuringbetterinternationalarrangementsregardingcopyright。Havingbeenelectedamemberofthis，IhadthesatisfactionofhearingmostinterestingspeechesfromVictorHugo，Tourgueneff，andEdmondAbout。Thelattermadethebestspeechofall，andbyhisexquisitewitandpleasinghumorfullyshowedhisrighttothenamewhichhisenemieshadgivenhim——
``theVoltaireofthenineteenthcentury。’’
TheproceedingsofthisconventionclosedwithabanquetoverwhichVictorHugopresided;andofallthetryingthingsinmylife，perhapsthemostsowasthespeechwhichIthenattemptedinFrench，withVictorHugolookingatme。
TherewerealsovariouseducationalcongressesattheSorbonne，inwhichthediscussionsinterestedmemuch;
butsundryreceptionsattheFrenchAcademywerefarmoreattractive。OfalltheexquisiteliteraryperformancesIhaveeverknown，thespeechesmadeonthoseoccasionsbyM。CharlesBlanc，M。GastonBoissier，andthememberswhoreceivedthemwerethemostentertaining。
ToseethesewittyFrenchmenattackingeachotherinthemostpointedway，yetstillobservingalltheformsofpoliteness，andevencoveringtheiradversarieswithcompliments，givesonenewconceptionsofhumaningenuity。
Butwhetheritiscalculatedtoincreaserespectforthemainactorsisanotherquestion。
Theformalclosingoftheexpositionwasabrilliantpageant。VariousinventorsandexhibitorsreceivedgiftsanddecorationsfromthehandofthePresidentoftheRepublic，and，amongthem，Dr。Barnard，Story，andmyselfweregivenofficers’crossesoftheLegionofHonorwhichnoneofushaseverthoughtofwearing;but，alas！mySwiss—Americanfriendwhohadpleadedsopatheticallyhisheroicservicesin``Dastingdevinesundpeers’’forFrancedidnotreceiveeventhechevalier’sribbon，andtheexpressionofhisdisappointmentwasloudandlong。
Norwashetheonlydisappointedvisitor。ItwasmyfortuneonedayattheAmericanlegationtoobserveonedifficultywhichatthewesterncapitalsofEuropehasbecomeverytrying，andwhichmaybementionedtoshowthatanAmericanrepresentativehassometimestomeet。
AsIwassittingwithourminister，GovernorNoyesofOhio，therewasshownintotheroomalady，verystately，anddressedintheheightoffashion。Itwassoonevidentthatshewasonthewar—path。Shesaid，``Mr。
Minister，IhavecometoaskyouwhyitisthatIdonotreceiveanyinvitationstoballsandreceptionsgivenbythecabinetministers？’’GovernorNoyesansweredverypolitely，``Mrs。————，wehaveplacedyournameonthelistofthosewhomwewouldespeciallyliketohaveinvited，andhaveeveryhopethatitwillreceiveattention。’’Sheanswered，``Whyisitthatyoucandosomuchlessthanyourpredecessordidatthelastexposition？THENI
receivedalargenumberofinvitations;NOWIreceivenone。’’
Theministeranswered，``Iamverysorryindeed，madam;
butthereareperhapstwentyorthirtythousandAmericansinParis;thenumberoftheminvitedoneachoccasioncannotexceedfiftyorsixty;andtheFrenchauthoritiesarejustnowgivingpreferencetothosewhohavecomefromtheUnitedStatestotakesomespecialpartintheexpositionascommissionersorexhibitors。’’Atthistheladywasveryindignant。Sheroseandsaid，``Iwillgiveyounomoretrouble，Mr。Minister;butIamgoingbacktoAmerica，andshalltellSenatorConkling，whogavememyletterofintroductiontoyou，thateitherhehasverylittleinfluencewithyou，oryouhaveverylittleinfluencewiththeFrenchGovernment。Goodmorning！’’
Andsheflouncedoutoftheroom。
ThisissimplyanindicationofwhatisperhapsthemostvexatiousplaguewhichafflictsAmericanrepresentativesintheleadingEuropeancapitals，——amultitudeofpeople，moreorlessworthy，pressingtobepresentedatcourtortobeinvitedtoofficialfunctions。Thewholematterhasaridiculouslook，andhasbeenusedbysundrydemagoguesasatextuponwhichtoorateagainstthediplomaticserviceandtoarousepopularprejudiceagainstit。ButIthinkthatapatrioticAmericanmaywelltakethegroundthatwhilethereissomuchsnobberyshownbyacertainsortofAmericansabroad，itisnotanunwisethingtohaveineachcapitalamanwhointheintervalsofhismoreimportantduties，cankeepthisstrugglingmassoffollyfrombecomingascandalandabywordthroughoutEurope。Noonecanknow，untilhehasseentheinnerworkingsofourdiplomaticservice，howmuchdutyofthiskindisquietlydonebyourrepresentatives，andhowmanythingsarethusavoidedwhichwouldtendtobringscornuponourcountryanduponrepublicaninstitutions。
CHAPTERXXX
ASMINISTERTOGERMANY——1879—1881
Inthespringof1879Iwasathirdtimebroughtintothediplomaticservice，andinawaywhichsurprisedme。
ThePresidentoftheUnitedStatesatthatperiodwasMr。
HayesofOhio。IhadmethimonceatCornellUniversity，andhadaninterestingconversationwithhim，butneveranyothercommunication，directlyorindirectly。Great，then，wasmyastonishmentwhen，uponthedeathofBayardTaylorjustatthebeginningofhiscareerasministertoGermany，therecametomeanofferofthepostthusmadevacant。
MyfirstdutyafteracceptingitwastovisitWashingtonandreceiveinstructions。CallingupontheSecretaryofState，Mr。Evarts，andfindinghisroomsfilledwithpeople，Isaid:``Mr。Secretary，youareevidentlyverybusy;Icancomeatanyothertimeyoumayname。’’
Thereuponheanswered:``Comein，comein;therearejusttworulesattheStateDepartment:oneisthatnobusinessiseverdoneoutofofficehours;andtheotheris，thatnobusinessiseverdoneINofficehours。’’Itwassoonevidentthatthiswasaphrasetoputmeatease，ratherthananexactstatementoffact;and，aftermyconferencewithhim，severaldaysweregiventofamiliarizingmyselfwiththecorrespondenceofmyimmediatepredecessors，andwiththeviewsofthedepartmentonquestionsthenpendingbetweenthetwocountries。
DiningattheWhiteHousenextday，IheardMr。EvartswithstandthePresidentonaquestionwhichhasalwaysinterestedme——theadmissionofcabinetministerstotakepartinthedebatesofCongress。Mr。Hayespresentedthecaseinfavoroftheiradmissioncogently;buttheSecretaryofStateovermatchedhischief。Thisgreatlypleasedme;forIhadbeenlongconvincedthatnexttothepowergiventheSupremeCourt，thebestthingintheConstitutionoftheUnitedStatesisthatcompleteseparationoftheexecutivefromthelegislativepowerwhichpreventseveryCongressionalsessionbecomingaperpetualgladiatorialcombator，say，rather，apermanentgameoffoot—ball。AgainandagainIhaveheardEuropeanstatesmenlamentthattheirconstitution—
makershadadopted，inthisrespect，theBritishratherthantheAmericansystem。WhatitisinFrance，withcabalsorganizedtoousteverynewministerassoonasheisappointed，andtoprovidefora``newdeal’’fromthefirstinstantofanoldone，withanaverageofoneortwochangesofministryeveryyearasaresult，weallknow;
and，withtheexceptionoftheGermanparliament，Continentallegislaturesgenerallyarejustaboutasbad;indeed，insomerespectstheItalianparliamentisworse。
TheBritishsystemwouldhavecertainlyexcludedsuchadmirableSecretariesofStateasThomasJeffersonandHamiltonFish;possiblysuchasJohnQuincyAdams，Seward，andJohnHay。InGreatBritain，havingbeenevolvedinconformitywithitsenvironment，itissuccessful;butitissuccessfulnowhereelse。IhavealwayslookedbackwithgreatcomplacencyuponsuchmenasthoseabovenamedintheStateDepartment，andsuchasHamilton，Gallatin，Chase，Stanton，andGageinotherdepartments，sittingquietlyintheiroffices，givingcalmthoughttogovernmentbusiness，andallowingtheheathentorageattheirownsweetwillinbothhousesofCongress。Undertheothersystem，ourRepublicmightperhapshavebecomealmostasdelectableasVenezuelawithitshundredandfourrevolutionsinseventyyears[13]
[13]SeeLordLansdowne’sspeech，December，1902。
OnthedayfollowingIdinedwiththeSecretaryofState，andfoundhiminhisusualpleasantmood。Notingonhisdinner—servicethewords，``Factanonverba，’’I
calledhisattentiontothemasasingularmottoforaneminentlawyerandorator;whereuponhesaidthat，twooldmembersofCongressdiningwithhimrecently，oneofthemaskedtheotherwhatthosewordsmeant，towhichthereplywasgiven，``Theymean，`Victuals，nottalk。’’’
Onthewaytomypost，IstoppedinLondonandwastakentovariousinterestingplaces。AtthehouseofmyoldfriendandYaleclassmate，GeorgeWashburnSmalley，Imetanumberofveryinterestingpeople，andamongthesewasespeciallyimpressedbyMr。MeredithTownshend，whoseknowledgeofAmericanaffairsseemedamazinglyextensiveandpreternaturallyaccurate。AtthehouseofSirWilliamHarcourtImetLordRipon，aboutthattimeViceroyofIndia，whoseviewsondealingswithOrientalsinterestedmemuch。AttheRoyalInstitutionanoldacquaintancewasrenewedwithTyndallandHuxley;
andduringaneveningwiththeeminentpainter，Mr。
Alma—Tadema，athishouseinthesuburbs，andespeciallywhenreturningfromit，ImadeaverypleasantacquaintancewiththepoetBrowning。Ashiscarriagedidnotarrive，Iofferedtotakehimhomeinmine;buthardlyhadwestartedwhenwefoundourselvesinadensefog，anditshortlybecameevidentthatourdriverhadlosthisway。Ashewanderedaboutforperhapsanhour，hopingtofindsomeindicationofit，Browning’sconversationwasveryagreeable。Itranatfirstoncurrentquestions，thenontravel，andfinallyonart，——allverysimplyandnaturally，withnotatraceofposingorparadox。Rememberingtheobscurityofhisverse，Iwassurprisedatthelucidityofhistalk。Butatlast，bothofusbecomingsomewhatanxious，wecalledahaltandquestionedthedriver，whoconfessedthathehadnoideawherehewas。
Asgood，orill，luckwouldhaveit，therejustthenemergedfromthefoganemptyhansom—cab，andfindingthatitsdriverknewmorethanours，Iengagedhimaspilot，firsttoBrowning’shouse，andthentomyown。
OneoldfriendtowhomIwasespeciallyindebtedwasSirCharlesReed，whohadbeenmyfellow—commissionerattheParisandPhiladelphiaexpositions。Thankstohim，IwasinvitedtothedinnerofthelordmayorattheGuildhall。Aswelingeredinthelibrarybeforegoingtothetable，opportunitywasgiventostudyvariouseminentguests。FirstcameCairns，thelordchancellor，inallthegloryofofficialrobesandwig;thenLordDerby;
thenLordSalisbury，who，ifIrememberrightly，wasministerofforeignaffairs;then，afterseveralotherdistinguishedpersonages，mostinterestingofall，LordBeaconsfield，theprimeminister。Hewasthelasttoarrive，andimmediatelyafterhiscominghepresentedhisarmtotheladymayoress，andtheprocessiontookitswaytowardthegreathall。Frommyseat，whichwasbutalittlewayfromthehightable，Ihadagoodopportunitytoobservethesemenandtoheartheirspeeches。