ChapterIV。
DOUBLE—MARRIAGETREATYCANNOTBESIGNED。
Hithertotheworld—tides，andebbsandflowsofexternalPolitics，had，byaccident，ratherforwarded，thanhinderedtheDouble—Marriage。IntherearofsuchaTreatyofHanover，triumphantlyrightingtheEuropeanBalancesbyhelpofFriedrichWilhelm，onemighthavehopedthislittledomesticTreatywould，atlast，getitselfsigned。QueenSophiedidhastenofftoHanover，directlyafterherhusbandhadleftitunderthosefavorableaspects:butPapaagainprovedunmanageable；theTreatycouldnotbeachieved。
Alas，andwhynot？ParentsandChildren，onbothsides，beingreallydesirousofit，whatreasonistherebutitshouldinduetimecometoperfection，and，withoutannihilatingTimeandSpace，makefourlovershappy？Noreason。RubsdoubtlesshadarisensincethatVisitofGeorgeI。，discordantprocedures，chieflyaboutFriedrichWilhelm’srecruitingoperationsintheHanoverterritory，asshallbenotedbyandby:butthesetheever—wakefulenthusiasmofQueenSophie，whohadsetherwholeheartwithafemalefixityonthisDouble—MarriageProject，hadsmootheddownagain:andnow，PapaandHusbandbeingsoblessedlyunitedintheirWorldPolitics，whynotsigntheMarriage—Treaty？
HonoredMajesty—Papa，whynot！——"Tush，child，youdonotunderstand。Inthesetremendouscircumstances，thecelestialSignoftheBALANCEjustaboutcanting，andtheObliquityoftheEclipticliketoalter，howcanonethinkoflittlemarriages？
WaittilltheObliquityoftheEclipticcomesteadilytoitsoldpitch！"——
Truthis，Georgewasingeneralofaslow，solemn，Spanishturnofmanners；"intolerablyproud，too，sincehegotthatEnglishdignity，"saysWilhelmina:heseemedalwaystacitlytolookdownonFriedrichWilhelm，asifthePrussianMajestywereakindofinferiorclownishKingincomparison。ItiscertainheshowednoeagernesstogettheTreatyperfected。Againandagain，whenspeciallyappliedtobyQueenSophie，onFriedrichWilhelm’sorder，heintimatedonly:"Itwasafixedthing，butnottobehurried，——EnglishParliamentswereconcernedinit，thepartieswerestillyoung，"andsoon；——afterwhichbriefanswerhewouldtakeyoutothewindow，andask，"IfyoudidnotthinktheHerrenhausenGardensandtheirLeibnitzwaterworks，andclipped—beechwallswereratherfine？"[Pollnitz，
Memoiren，ii。226，228，&c。]
Infact，theEnglishParliaments，fromwhommoneywassooftendemandedforourfatImproperDarlingtons，leanImproperKendalsandotherroyaloccasions，wouldnaturallyhavetomakeamarriage—revenueforthisfineGrandsonofours；——GrandsonFred，whoisnowayoungloutof，eighteen；leadinganextremelydissolutelife，theysay，atHanover；andbynomeansthemostbeautifulofmortals，eitherheorthefoolishlittleFatherofhim，toouroldsadheart。Theycanwait，theycanwait！saidGeorgealways。
ButundoubtedlyhedidintendthatbothMarriagesshouldtakeeffect:onlyhewasslow；andthemoreyouhurriedhim，perhapstheslower。HewouldhaveperfectedtheTreaty"nextyear，"saytheAuthorities；meanttodoso，ifwellletalone:butTownshendwhisperedwithal，"Betternoturgehim。"SurlyGeorgewasalwaysamanofhisword；notreacheryintendedbyhim，towardsFriedrichWilhelmoranyman。Itisveryclear，moreover，thatFriedrichWilhelm，inthisAutumn1725，was，andwasliketobe，ofhighimportancetoKingGeorge；amannottobeangeredbydishonorabletreatment，hadsuchotherwisebeenlikelyonGeorge’spart。
NeverthelessGeorgedidnotsigntheTreaty"nextyear"either，——
suchthingshavingintervened；——northenextyearafterthat，forreasonstragicallygoodonthelatteroccasion！
ThesedelaysabouttheDouble—MarriageTreatyarenotapleasingfeatureofittoFriedrichWilhelm；whoisverycapableofbeinghurtbyslights；who，atanyrate，dislikestohaveloosethrumsflyingabout，orthatthebusinessofto—dayshouldbeshovedoveruponto—morrow。AndsoQueenSophiehasherownsoredifficulties；
driventhusbetweentheBarbarians（thatis，herHusband），andthedeepSea（thatis，herFather），toandfro。Nevertheless，sinceallpartiestothematterwishedit，Sophieandtheyoungerpartiesgettingevenenthusiasticaboutit；andsincethematteritselfwasgood，agreeablesofartoPrussiaandEngland，toProtestantGermanyandtoHeavenandEarth，——mightnotSophieconfidentlyhopetovanquishtheseandotherdifficulties；andsobringallthingstoahappyclose？
HaditnotbeenfortheImperialShadow—huntings，andthisricketyconditionofthecelestialBalance！Alas，theouterelementsinterferedwithQueenSophieinasingularmanner。Hugeforeignworld—movements，springingfromViennaandaspectre—hauntedKaiser，andspreadinglikeanavalancheoveralltheEarth，snatchedupthislittleDouble—Marriagequestion；toreitalongwiththem，reelingoverprecipices，oneknewnotwhitherward，atsucharateaswasseldomseenbefore。ScarcelyintheMinervaPressisthererecordofsuchsurprising，infiniteandinextricableobstructionstoaweddingoradouble—wedding。
Timeandspace，whichcannotbeannihilatedtomaketwolovershappy，werehereturnedtopsy—turvy，asitwere，tomakefourlovers，——four，orattheveryleastthree，forWilhelminawillnotadmitshewasevertheleastinlove，notshe，poorsoul，eitherwithlooseFredorhisEnglishoutlooks，——fouryoungcreatures，andoneormoreelderlypersons，superlativelywretched；
andeven，literallyenough，todoallbutkillsomeofthem。
Whatisnoteworthytoo，itprovedwhollyinane，thishugeworld—oceanofIntriguesandImperialNecromancy；randryatlastintoabsolutenothingevenfortheKaiser，andmightaswellnothavebeen。AndMotherandFather，onthePrussianside，weredriventodespairandprettynearlytodeliriumbyit；andourpooryoungFritzgottormented，scourged，andthrottledinbodyandinsoulbyit，tillhegrewtoloathethelightofthesun，andinfactlookedsoontohavequittedsaidlightatonestageofthebusiness。
WearenowapproachingActSecondoftheDouble—Marriage，whereImperialOrdnance—MasterGrafvonSeckendorf，aBlack—Artistofsupremequality，despatchedfromViennaonsecreterrand，"crossesthePalaceEsplanadeatBerlinonasummereveningoftheyear1726；"andevokesallthedemonsonourlittleCrown—Princeandthosedeartohim。Wemustfirstsaysomethingofanimportantstep，shortlyantecedentthereto，whichoccurredintheCrown—Prince’seducationalcourse。
ChapterV。
CROWN—PRINCEGOESINTOTHEPOTSDAMGUARDS。
Amidsuchcommotionoftheforeignelementsandthedomestic，animportantchangeoccursintheCrown—Prince’scourseofschooling。
Itisdecidedthat，whateverbehisprogressinthespeculativebranches，itistimeheshouldgointotheArmy，andpracticallylearnsoldiering。Inhisfourteenthyear，3dMay，1725，[Preuss，i。26；106；andBuchfurJedermann（aminorbookofhis，onthesamesubject，Berlin，1837），ii。13。]notlongbeforetheTreatyofHanover，hewasformallynamedCaptain，byPapainWar—council。GrenadierGuards，PotsdamLifeguards，tobetheregiment；andnextyearheisnominatedMajor，and，avacancyoccurring，appointedtobeginactualduty。Itisonthe"20thofAugust，1726，thatheflratleadsouthisbattaliontothemuster，"onthoseterms。Hisageisnotyetfifteenbyfourmonths；——averytinyMajoramongthosePotsdamgiants；butbyrank，weobserve，herides；andhishorseisdoubtlessofthedueheight。AndsothetinyCadet—drillingahaveended；longFilesofGiants，splendentingold—laceandgrenadier—caps，havesucceeded；
andearnestworkinsteadofmimic，inthatmatter，hasbegun。
Howeveritmayhavefaredwithhisotherschool—lessons，herenowisaschool—formheisadvancedto，inwhichtherewillbenoresourcebutlearning。Badspellingmightbeoverlookedbythosethathadchargeofit；baddrillingisnotpermissibleonanyterms。WeneednotdoubttheCrown—Princedidhissoldier—dutyfaithfully，andlearnedineverypointtheconductofanofficer:
penaltyasofRhadamanthuswaiteduponallfailurethere。Thathelikeditisbynomeanssaid；hemuchdislikedit，andhisdisgustsweremany。Anairyyoungcreature:——anditwasinthistimetogiveoneinstance，thatthatshearingofhislocksoccurred:whichwasspokenofabove，wheretheCourt—Chirurgusprovedsomerciful。ToclogthewingedPsycheinever—returningparade—routineandmilitarypipe—clay，——itseemsverycruel。
Butitisnottobealtered:inspiteofone’sdisgusts，thedullwork，tothelastitemofit，hasdailytobedone。WhichprovedinfinitelybeneficialtotheCrown—Prince，afterall。Hereby，tohisAthenian—Frenchelegancies，andairypromptitudesandbrilliancies，thereshalllieasbasisanadamantineSpartanismandStoicism；veryrare，butveryindispensable，forsuchasuperstructure。Wellexemplified，throughafterlife，inthisCrown—Prince。
OFTHEPOTSDAMGIANTS，ASAFACT。
HisregimentwasthePotsdamGrenadierGuard；thatuniquegiant—regiment，ofwhichtheworldhasheardsomuchinavaguehalf—mythicalway。Thegiant—regimentwasnotaMyth，however，butabig—bonedexpensiveFact，trampingveryhardupontheearthatonetime，thoughnowgonealltotheghostlystate。AsitwasaCLASS—BOOK，sotospeak，ofourFriedrich’s，——Class—Book（printedinhugetype）foracertainbranchofhisschooling，thedetailsofwhicharesodim，thoughthegeneraloutcomeofitprovedsounforgettable，——readers，apartfromtheircuriosityotherwise，mayaswelltakeaglimpseofitonthisoccasion。Vanishednow，andgrownaGiantPhantom，thelikeofithardlyagaintobeinthisworld；andbyaccident，theverysmallestFigureeverrankedinitmakesitmemorablethere！——
Withawiseinstinct，FriedrichWilhelmhaddiscernedthatallthingsinPrussiamustpointtowardshisArmy；thathisArmywastheheartandpith；theStatebeingthetree，everybranchandleafbound，afteritssort，tobenutritiveandproductivefortheArmy’sbehoof。That，probablyforanyNationinthelong—run，andcertainlyforthePrussianNationstraightway，lifeordeathdependsontheArmy:FriedrichWilhelm’shead，inaninarticulatemanner，wasfullofthisjustnotion；andallhislifewasspentinorganizingittoapracticalfact。Themoreofpotentialbattle，themoreoflifeisinus:aMAXIMUMofpotentialbattle，therefore；andletitbetheOPTIMUMinquality！HowFriedrichWilhelmcared，dayandnight，withallhisheartandallhissoul，tobringhisArmytothesupremepitch，wehaveoftenheard；
andthemorewelookintohisways，themoreweareimpressedwiththatfact。Itwasthecentralthingforhim；allotherthingscirculatingtowardsit，derivingfromit:nolabortoogreat，andnonetoolittle，tobeundergoneforsuchanobject。HewatchedoveritlikeanArgus，witheyesthatreachedeverywhere。
DisciplineshallbeasexactasEuclid；——shortofperfectionwedonotstop！Disciplineandeverbetterdiscipline；enforcementoftheruleinallpoints，improvementoftheruleitselfwherepossible，werethegreatDrill—sergeant’scontinualcare。
Dailyhadsomeloopfallen，whichmighthavegoneravellingfarenough；butdailywashetheretopickitupagain，andkeepthewebunrentandsolidlyprogressive。
Wesaid，itwasthe"poeticideal"ofFriedrichWilhelm；whoisadumbpoetinseveralparticulars，——andrequirestheprivilegesofgeniusfromthosethatREADhisdumbpoem。Itmustbeownedherisesintothefantastichereandthere；andhascrotchetsofultraperfectionforhisArmy，whicharenotrationalatall。
Crotchetsthatgrewevermadder，thefartherhefollowedthem。
ThisLifeguardRegimentoffoot，forinstance，inwhichtheCrown—Princenowis，——FriedrichWilhelmgotitinhisFather’stime，nodoubtaregimentthenoffairqualities；andhehaskeptdrillingit，improvingit，aspoetspolishstanzas，unweariedlyeversince:——andseenowwhatithasgrownto！APotsdamGiantRegiment，suchastheworldneversaw，beforeorsince。
ThreeBattalionsofthem，——twoalwayshereatPotsdamdoingformallifeguardduty，thethirdatBrandenburgondrill；800totheBattalion，——2，400sonsofAnakinall。Sublimeenough，hugelyperfecttotheroyaleye，suchamassofshininggiants，intheirlong—drawnregularitiesandmathematicalmanoeuvrings，——likesomestreakofPrometheanlightning，realizedhereatlast，inthevulgarduskofthings！
Trulytheyaremensupremeindiscipline，inbeautyofequipment；
andtheshortestmanofthemrises，Ithink，towardssevenfeet，somearenearlyninefeethigh。Menfromallcountries；ahundredandoddcomeannually，aswesaw，fromRussia，——averypreciouswindfall:theresthavebeencollected，crimped，purchasedoutofeveryEuropeancountry，atenormousexpense，nottospeakofothertroubletohisMajesty。JamesKirkman，anIrishrecruitofgoodinches，costhim1，200poundsbeforehecouldbegotinveigled，shippedandbroughtsafetohand。Thedocumentsareyetinexistence；[Forster，HandbuchderGeschichte，GeographieundStatistikdesPreussischenReichs（Berlin，1820），iv。130，132；——notinaverylucidstate。]andthePortraitofthisIrishfellow—citizenhimself，whoisbynomeansabeautifulman。Indeed，theyareallportrayed；alltheprivatesofthisdistinguishedRegimentare，ifanybodycaredtolookatthem——
RedivanofffromMoscow"seemsoffarbetterbonethanKirkman，thoughstillmorestolidofaspect。OneHohmann，abornPrussian，wassotall，youcouldnot，thoughyourselftall，touchhisbarecrownwithyourhand；AugusttheStrongofPolandtried，ononeoccasion，andcouldnot。BeforeHohmannturnedup，therehadbeen"JonastheNorwegianBlacksmith，"，alsoadreadfullytallmonster。
Giant"Macdoll，"——whowastobemarried，noconsentaskedonEITHERside，tothetallyoungwoman，whichlatterturnedouttobeadecrepitOLDwoman（allJest—Booksknowthemyth），——healsowasanIrishGiant；hisnameprobablyM’Dowal。[Forster，
PreussensHeldenimKriegundFrieden（Berlin，l848），i。531；nodatetothestory，noevidencewhatgrainoftruthmaybeinit。]ThisHohmannwasnowFLUGELMANN（"fugleman"aswehavenamedit，leaderofthefile），theTallestoftheRegiment，averymountainofpipe—clayedfleshandbone。
Here，inreferencetooneotherofthosepoorGiants，isanAnecdotefromFassmann（whoisveryfullonthissubjectoftheGiants；abstruseHistoricalFassmann，oftenpainfullycitedbyus）:amostsmallAnecdote，butthenanindisputablycertainone；
——whichbringsbacktous，inastrangeway，thevanishedTimeanditspopulations；asthepoorestauthenticwoodenlucifermaydo，kindlingsuddenly，and’peoplingthevoidNightformoments，totheseeingeye！——
Fassmann，averydarkGermanliteraryman，inobsoletecostumeandgarniture，howlivingorwhatdoingwecannotguess，foundhimselfatParis，gazingabout，intheyear1713；where，amongotherthings，theFairofSt。Germainwasgoingon。Loud，largeFairofSt。Germain，"whichlastsfromCandlemastotheMondaybeforeEaster；"andFassmannonedaytookawalkofcontemplationthroughthesame。Muchnoise，gesticulation，littlemeaning。Show—booths，temporarytheatres，merry—andrews，sleight—of—handmen；andavastpublic，drinking，dancing，gambling，flirting，asitswontis。
Nothingnewforusthere；newonlythatitallliesfivegenerationsfromusnow。Did"theOldPretender，"whowastheninhisexpectantperiod，inthissamevillageofSt。Germain，seeittoo，asFassmanndid？AndLouisXIV。，heisatVersailles；
droopingfast，verydulltohisMaintenon。AndourlittleFritzinBerlinisachildinarms；——andtheworldisallawakeasusual，whileFassmannstrollsthroughthisnoisyinanityofshow—booths，intheyear1713。
Strollingalong，FassmanncameuponacertainboothwithanenormousPicturehungaloftinfrontofit:"Pictureofaverytallman，inHEYDUClivery，coatreachingtohisankles，ingrandperuke，capandbigheron—plume，withthesewords，’LEGEANT
ALLEMAND（GermanGiant），’writtenunderneath。Partlyfromcuriosity，partly"forcountry’ssake，"Fassmannexpendedtwopence；viewedthegiganticfellow—creature；admitshehadneverseenonesotall；though"Bentenrieder，theImperialDiplomatist，"
thoughtbysometobethetallestofmen，hadcomeathwarthimonce。Thisgiant’snamewasMuller；birthplacetheneighborhoodofWeissenfels；——"aSaxonlikemyself。HehadasmallGermanWife，nothalfhissize。Hemademoneyreadily，showinghimselfabout，inFrance，England，Holland；"——andFassmannwenthisway，thinkingnomoreofthefellow。——Butnow，continuesFassmann:——
"ComingtoPotsdam，thirteenyearsafter，inthespringof1726，byhisMajesty’sorder，to"——infact，toreadtheNewspaperstohisMajesty，andbegenerallyuseful，chieflyintheTobacco—College，asweshalldiscover，——"whatwasmysurprisetofindthissame’GEANTALLEMAND’ofSt。GermainrankedamongtheKing’sGrenadiers！Nodoubtoftheidentity:Irenewedacquaintancewiththeman；hislittleGermanWifewasdead；
buthehadgotanEnglishoneinstead，anuncommonlyshiftycreature。Theyhadaneatlittledwelling—house[asmostofthemarriedgiantshad]，nearthePalace:heretheWifesoldbeer[brandynotpermissibleonanyterms]，andlodgedtravellers；——
Imyselfhavelodgedthereonoccasion。Inthecourseofsomeyears，themantookswellinginthelegs；goodfornothingasagrenadier；andwasliketofallheavyonsociety。Butno，hislittleWifesnatchedhimup，easilygettinghisdischarge；
carriedhimoverwithhertoEngland，whereheagainbecameashow—giant，andtheyweredoingverywell，whenlastheardof，"——
intheCountry—WakesofGeorgeII。’searlytime。AndthatistherealBiographyofonePotsdamGiant，byaliterarygentlemanwhohadlodgedwithhimonoccasion。[Fassmann，pp。723—730。]
ThepayofthesesublimeFootguardsisgreatlyhigherthancommon；
theyhavedistinguishedprivilegesandtreatment:ontheotherhand，theirdisciplineisnonpareil，anddischargeisnevertobedreamtof，whilestrengthlasts。PoorKirkman，doeshesometimesthinkoftheHillofHowth，andthathewillneverseeitmore？
Kirkman，Ijudge，isnotgiventothought；——considersthathehastobaccohere，andprivilegesandperquisites；andthatHowth，andHeavenitself，isinaccessibletomanyaman。
FRIEDRICHWILHELM’SRECRUITINGDIFFICULTIES。
Tallmen，notforthisregimentonly，hadbecomeanecessaryoflifetoFriedrichWilhelm。Indispensabletohimalmostashisdailybread，Tohisheartthereisnoroadsoreadyasthatofpresentingatallmanortwo。FriedrichWilhelm’sregimentsarenow，byhisexactnewregulations，leviedandrecruitedeachinitsownCanton，orspecificdistrict:thereallmalesassoonasbornareenrolled；liabletoserve，whentheyhavegrowntoyearsandstrength。Allgrownmen（undercertainexceptions，asofawidow’seldestson，orofthelikeevidentlyruinouscases）areliabletoserve；CaptainoftheRegimentandAMTMANNoftheCantonsettlebetweenthemwhichgrownmanitshallbe。Betterforyounottobetall！InfactitisalmostakindnessofHeaventobegiftedwithsomesafeimpedimentofbody，slightlycrookedbackorthelike，ifyoumuchdislikethecareerofhonorunderFriedrichWilhelm。Ageneralshadowofunquietapprehensionwecanwellfancyhangingoverthoseruralpopulations，andmuchunpleasanthagglingnowandthen；——nothingbuttheKing’sjusticethatcanbeappealedto。King’sjustice，verygreatindeed，butheavilycheckedbytheKing’svalueforhandsomesoldiers。
Happilyhisvalueforindustriallaborersandincreaseofpopulationislikewisegreat。Townsfolk，skilfulworkmenasthetheorysupposes，areexempt；themoreingeniousclasses，generally，hisMajestyexemptsinthisrespect，toencouragetheminothers。For，onthewhole，heisnotlessaCaptainofWork，tohisNation，thanofotherthings。WhathedidforPrussiainthewayofindustries，improvements，newmanufactures，newmethods；
insettling"colonies，"tearingupdrownedbogsandsubduingthemintodrycornfields；inbuilding，draining，digging，andencouragingorforcingotherstodoso，wouldtakealongchapter。
HeistheenemyofChaos，notthefriendofit，whereveryoumeetwithhim。
Forexample，Potsdamitself。Potsdam，nowapleasant，grassy，leafyplace，branchingoutextensivelyinfinestonearchitecture，withsweptpavements；where，asinotherplaces，thetravellerfindslandandwaterseparatedintotwofirmaments，——FriedrichWilhelmfoundmuchofitaquagmire，landandwaterstillwelteringinone。Intheseveryyears，hiscuttings，embankments，buildings，pile—drivingsthere，areenormous；andhisperseveranceneedstobeinvincible。Forinstance，lookingout，onemorningafterheavyrain，uponsomeextensiveanti—quagmireoperationsandstrongpile—drivings，hefindshalfafurlongofhislatestheavypilingcleangone。Whatintheworldhasbecomeofit？Pooh，theswollenlakehasburstittopsy—turvy；anditfloatsyonder，bottomuppermost，ahalf—furlongofdistractedliquid—peat。
WhereathisMajestygavealoudlaugh，saysBielfeld，[BarondeBielfeld，LettresFamilieres（secondedition，aLeide，1767），i。31。]andcommencedanew。Thepilesnowstandfirmenough，liketherestoftheEarth’scrust，andcarrystrongashlarhousesandumbrageoustreesformankind；andtrivialmankindcanwalkincleanpumpsthere，shudderingorsniggeringatFriedrichWilhelm，astheirhumormaybe。
Nodangerofthis"Canton—system"ofrecruitmenttothemoreingeniousclasses，whocoulddobetterthanlearndrill。Nor，tosaytruth，doesthepoorclayeypeasantsufferfromit，accordingtohisapprehensions。Oftenperhaps，couldhecountprofitandloss，hemightfindhimselfagainer:thecareerofhonorturnsouttobe，atleast，acareerofpracticalStoicismandSpartanism；usefultoanypeasantortoanyprince。Cleanliness，ofpersonandevenofmind；fixedrigorofmethod，sobriety，frugality，thesearevirtuesworthacquiring。Sobrietyinthematterofdrinkismuchattendedtohere:hisMajestypermitsnodistillationofstrong—watersinPotsdam，orwithinsomanymiles；
[Fassmann，p。728。]norissaleofsuchallowed，exceptinthemostintenselyselectmanner。Thesoldier’spayisinthehighestdegreeexiguous；notabovethreehalfpenceaday，foracommonfoot—soldier，inadditiontowhatrationshehas:——butitisfoundadequatetoitspurpose，too；supportsthesoldierinsoundhealth，vigorouslyfitforhiswork；intowhichpointshisMajestylookswithhisowneyes，andwilladmitnodubiety。Often，too，ifnotalreadyOFTENEST（asitultimatelygrewtobe），thepeasant—soldiergetshomeformanymonthsoftheyear，asoldier—ploughman；andlaborsforhislivingintheoldway。
HisCaptain（itisoneoftheCaptain’sperquisites，whoisgenerallyaveteranoffifty，withalongSpartantraining，beforehegetssohigh）pocketsthepayofallthesefurloughs，supernumerarytotherealworkoftheregiment；——andhascertainimportantfurnishingstoyieldinreturn。
Atanyrate，enrolment，intimeofpeace，cannotfallonmany:
threeorfourrecruitsintheyear，toreplacevacancies，willcarrytheCantonthroughitscrisis。Forwearetonotewithal，thethirdpartofeveryregimentcan，andshouldbyrule，consistof"foreigners，"——mennotbornPrussians。ThesearegenerallymenleviedintheImperialFree—towns；"intheREICH"orEmpire，astheytermit；thatistosay，orismainlytosay，inthecountriesofGermanythatarenotAustrianorPrussian。Forthisforeignthird—parttoo，therecruitsmustbegot；excusesnotadmissibleforCaptainorColonel；nothingbutrecruitsofthedueincheswilldo。CaptainandColonel（supportingtheirenterpriseonfrugaladequate"perquisites，"hintedofabove）havetobeontheoutlook；vigilantly，eagerly；andmustcontrivetogetthem。
Nay，wecantakesupernumeraryrecruits；andhaveinfactalwaysonhand，attachedtoeachregiment，astockofsuch。Anynumberofrecruits，thatstandwellontheirlegs，arewelcome；andforatallmanthereisjoyinPotsdam，almostasifhewereawisemanoragoodman。
Theconsequenceis，allcountries，especiallyallGermancountries，areinfestedwithanewspeciesofpredatorytwo—leggedanimals:Prussianrecruiters。Theyglideabout，underdisguiseifnecessary；lynx—eyed，eageralmostastheJesuithoundsare；nothuntingthesoulsofmen，asthespiritualJesuitsdo，buttheirbodiesinamercilesscarnivorousmanner。Betternottobetootall，inanycountry，atpresent！IrishKirkmancouldnotbeprotectedbytheaegisoftheBritishConstitutionitself。
Ingeneral，however，thePrussianrecruiter，onBritishground，reports，Thatthepeoplearetoowelloff，thatthereislittletobedoneinthoseparts。AtallBritishsailor，ifwepickhimupstrollingaboutMemelortheBalticports，isinexorablyclaimedbytheDiplomatists；nobusinessdo—abletillafterrestorationofhim；andheprovesamerelosstous。[DespatchesintheState—PaperOffice。]Germany，Holland，Switzerland，theNetherlands，thesearethefruitfulfieldsforus，andtherewedohuntwithsomevigor。
Forexample，inthetownofJulichtherelivedandworkedatallyoungcarpenter:onedayawell—dressedpositive—lookinggentleman（"BaronvonHompesch，"therecordsnamehim）enterstheshop；
wants"astoutchest，withlockonit，forhouseholdpurposes；
mustbeofsuchandsuchdimensions，sixfeetsixinlengthespecially，andthatisanindispensablepoint，——infactitwillbelongerthanyourself，Ithink，HerrZimmermann:whatisthecost；whencanitbeready？"Cost，time，andtherestaresettled。
"Arightstoutchest，then；andseeyoudon’tforgetthesize；
iftooshort，itwillbeofnousetome:mind；"——"JAWOHL！
GEWISS！"Andthepositive—looking，well—cladgentlemangoeshisways。Attheappointeddayhereappears；thechestisready；——
wehope，anunexceptionablearticle？"Tooshort，asIdreaded！"
saysthepositivegentleman。"Nay，yourhonor，"saysthecarpenter，"Iamcertainitissixfeetsix！"andtakesouthisfoot—rule。——"Pshaw，itwastobelongerthanyourself。""Well，itis。"——"Noitisn’t！"Thecarpenter，toendthematter，getsintohischest；andwillconvinceanyandallmortals。Nosoonerishein，rightlyflat，thanthepositivegentleman，aPrussianrecruitingofficerindisguise，slamsdowntheliduponhim；
locksit；whistlesinthreestoutfellows，whopickupthechest，gravelywalkthroughthestreetswithit，openitinasafeplace；
andfind—horribletorelate——thepoorcarpenterdead；chokedbywantofairinthisfrightfulmiddle—passageofhis。[Forster，ii。305，306；Pollnitz，ii。518，519。]NameoftheTownisgiven，Julichasabove；datenot。AndifthethinghadbeenonlyapopularMyth，isitnotasignificantone？Butitistootrue；
thetallcarpenterlaydead，andHompeschgot"imprisonedforlife"bythebusiness。
Burgermeistersofsmalltownshavebeencarriedoff；inonecase，"arichmerchantinMagdeburg，"whomitcostalargesumtogetfreeagain。[Stenzel，iii。356。]Prussianrecruitershoveraboutbarracks，parade—grounds，inForeignCountries；andiftheyseeatallsoldier（theDutchhavehadinstances，andareindignantatthem），willpersuadehimtodesert，——tomakeforthecountrywheresoldier—meritisunderstood，andatallfellowofpartswillgethispairofcolorsinno—time。
ButthehigheststretchoftheirartwasprobablythatdoneontheAustrianAmbassador，——tallHerrvonBentenrieder；tallestofDiplomatists；whomFassmann，tilltheFairofSt。Germain，hadconsideredthetallestofmen。BentenriederwasonhisroadasKaiser’sAmbassadortoGeorgeI。，inthoseCongress—of—Cambraitimes；serenelyjourneyingon；when，nearbyHalberstadt，hiscarriagebroke。Carriagetakessometimeinmending；thetallDiplomaticHerrwalkson，willstretchhislonglegs，catchaglimpseoftheTownwithal，tilltheygetitreadyagain。Andnow，atsomeGuard—houseoftheplace，aPrussianOfficerinquires，nottooreverentlyofanoblemanwithoutcarriage，"Whoareyou？"
"Well，"answeredhesmiling，"IamBOTSCHAFTER（Message—bearer）
fromhisImperialMajesty。Andwhomayyoubethatask？"——"TotheGuard—housewithus！"Whitherheismarchedaccordingly。"Kaiser’smessenger，whynot？"Beingamosttallhandsomeman，thisKaiser’sBOTSCHAFTER，stridingalongonfoothere，theGuard—houseOfficialshavedecidedtokeephim，toteachhimPrussiandrill—exercise；——andarethrownintoasingularquandary，whenhisvaletsandsuitecomeup，fullofalarmdissolvingintojoy，andcallhim"Excellenz！"[Pollnitz，ii。207—209。]
TallHerrvonBentenriederacceptedtheprostrateapologyoftheseGuard—houseOfficials。ButhenaturallyspokeofthemattertoGeorgeI。；whosepatience，oftenfrettedbycomplaintsonthathead，seemstohavetakenfireatthistranscendentinstanceofPrussianinsolency。Inconsequenceofthisadventure，hecommenced，saysPollnitz，asystemofdecisivemeasures；
ofreprisalseven，andofaltogetherperemptory，minatoryprocedures，toclearHanoverofthisnuisance；andtomakeitcease，inveryfact，andnotinpromiseandprofessionmerely。
ThesewerethefirstrubsQueenSophiemetwith，inpushingontheDouble—Marriage；andsorerubstheywere，thoughsheatlastgotoverthem。ComingonthebackofthatfineCharlottenburgVisit，almostwithinyearandday，anddirectlyintheteethofsuchfriendlyaspectsandprospects，thisconductonthepartofhisBritannicMajestymuchgrievedandangeredFriedrichWilhelm；
andinfactinvolvedhiminconsiderablepracticaltroubles。
Foritwasthesignalofasimilarsetofloudcomplaints，andmenacingremonstrances（withlittletwingesoffulfilmenthereandthere）fromallquartersofGermany；atempestoftroubleandpublicindignationrisingeverywhere，andraininginuponFriedrichWilhelmandthisunfortunateHobbyofhis。Noridingofone’spoorHobbyinpeaoehenceforth。FriedrichWilhelmalwaysanswered，whatwasonlysuperficiallythefact，ThatHEknewnothingoftheseviolencesandactsofill—neighborship；he，ajustKing，wassorrierthananymantohearofthem；andwouldgiveimmediateorderthattheyshouldend。Buttheyalwayswentonagain，muchthesame；andneverdidend。IamsorryajustKing，ledastraybyhisHobby，answersthuswhatisonlysuperficiallythefact。Butitseemshecannothelpit:hisHobbyistoostrongforhim；regardlessofcurbandbridleinthisinstance。Letuspityamanofgenius，mountedonsoungovernableaHobby；
leapingthebarriers，inspiteofhisbestresolutions。
Perhapsthepoetictemperamentismoreliabletosuchmorbidbiases，influxesofimaginativecrotchet，andmerefollythatcannothecured？FriedrichWilhelmneverwouldorcoulddismountfromhisHobby:butherodehimundermuchsorrowhenceforth；
undershowersofangerandridicule；——contumeliouswordsandprocedures，asitwereSAXAETFAECES，batteringroundhim，toaheavyextent；therideravictimofTragedyandFarcebothatonce。
QUEENSOPHIE’STROUBLES:GRUMKOWWITHTHEOLDDESSAUER，ANDGRUMKOWWITHOUTHIM。
QueenSophiehad，bydelicatemanagement，gotoverthosefirstrubs，audarrivedataTreatyofHanover，andcleargroundagain；
farworserubslayahead；butsmoothtravelling，towardssuchagoal，wasnotpossibleforthisQueen。PoorLady，herCourt，aswediscernfromWilhelminaandtheBooks，isasadwelterofintrigues，suspicions；oftreacherouschambermaids，head—valets，pickthankscoutsofofficialgentlemenandothersstrivingtosupplantoneanother。Satan’sInvisibleWorldverybusyagainstQueenSophie！Underanyterms，muchmoreunderthoseoftheDouble—Marriage，herplaceinakindlybutsuspiciousHusband’sfavorwasdifficulttomaintain。Restlessaspirants，climbingthiswayorthat，byladder—stepsdiscoverableinthisabstruseelement，areneverwanting，andhavethedueeavesdroppingsatellites，nowhere，nowthere。QueenSophieandherpartyhavetowalkwarily，asifamongprecipicesandpitfalls。Ofallwhichwidewelterofextinctcontemptibilities，thenandtheresoimportant，hereandnowbecomeminusquantities，weagainnoticetheexistence，butcanundertakenostudyorspecificationwhatever。TwoIncidents，thelatterofthemdatingnearthepointwherewenoware，willsufficientlyinstructthereaderwhatawelterthiswas，inwhichQueenSophieandherbrightlittleSon，thenewMajorofthePotsdamGiants，hadtopasstheirexistence。
IncidentFirstfelloutsomesixyearsagoormore，——in1719，yearoftheHeidelbergProtestants，ofClementtheForger，whenhisMajesty"sleptforweekswithapistolunderhispillow，"andhadothertroubles。HisMajesty，ononeofhisjourneys，whichwerealwaysmany，wastakensuddenlyillatBrandenburg，thatyear:
soviolentlyill，thatthinkinghimselfabouttodie，hesentforhisgoodQueen，andmadeaWillappointingherRegentincaseofhisdecease。HisMajestyquiterecoveredbeforelong。ButGrumkowandtheoldDessauer，mainaspirants；gettingwindofthisWill，andhuntingoutthetruthofit，——whatapuddlingofthewatersthesetwomadeinconsequence；stirringupmireanddirtroundthegoodQueen，findingshehadbeenpreferredtothem！[Wilhelmina，i。26，29。]NayWilhelmina，inherwildway，believestheyhad，notlongafter，plannedto"fireaTheatre"abouttheKing，oneafternoon，inBerlinCity，andtakehislife，therebysecuringforthemselvessuchbenefitinprospectastheremightbe！Notadoubtofit，thinksWilhelmina:"TheyoungMargraf，[Born1700（seevol。v。p。393。]ourpreciousCousin，ofSchwedt，isnotheSister’s—sonofthatOldDessauer？GrandsonoftheGreatElector，evenasPapais。Papaoncekilled（andourpoorCrown—Princealsomadeawaywith），——thatyoungMargraf，andhisblueFox—tigerofanUncleoverhim，isKinginPrussia！ObviouslytheymeanttoburnthatTheatre，andkillPapa！"ThisisWilhelmina’sdistractedbelief；as，doubtless，itwasherMother’sonthedayinquestion:
ajealous，much—suffering，transcendentlyexasperatedMother，aswesee。
IncidentSecondshowsusthose，tworoughGentlemenfallenoutofpartnership，intoopenquarrelandevenduel。"DuelattheCopenickGate，"muchnoisedofinthedulloldPrussianBooks，——
thoughalwaysinareservedmanner；noteventheDATE，asifthatweredangerous，beingclearlygiven！ItcameinthewakeofthatHanoverTreaty，asisnowguessed；thetwohavingtakenoppositesidesonthatmeasure，andgotprovokedintorippingupoldsoresingeneral。DessauwasAGAINSTKingGeorgeandtheTreaty，itappears；havinghisreasons，family—reasonsofoldstanding:
Grumkow，abribablegentleman，wasFOR，——havingalsoperhapshisreasons。Enough，itcametoaltercations，objurgationsbetweenthetwo；whichroseeverhigher，——roseatlengthtowager—of—battle。IndignantchallengeonthepartoftheOldDessauer；which，however，Grumkow，notregardedasaBARESARKinthefightingway，regretsthathisChristianprinciplesdonot，forsooth，allowhimtoaccept。TheKingisappealedto；theKing，beinghimself，thoughanorthodoxChristian，yetastillmoreorthodoxSoldier，decidesThat，onthewhole，GeneralGrumkowcannotbutacceptthischallengefromtheField—marshalPrinceofDessau。
Dessauisonthefield，attheCopenickGate，accordingly，——
late—autumnafternoon（Icalculate）oftheyear1725；——waitspatientlytillGrumkowmakehisappearance。Grumkow，withachosensecond，doesatlastappear；advancespensivelywithslowsteps。
GunpowderDessau，blackasasilentthunder—cloud，drawshissword:andGrumkow——doesnotdrawhis；presentsitundrawn，withunconditionalsubmissionandapology:"Slayme，ifyoulike，oldFriend，whomIhaveinjured！"WhereatDessau，utteringnoword，utteringonlysomecontemptuoussnort，turnshisbackonthephenomenon；mountshishorseandrideshome。[Pollnitz，ii。212，214。]AdividedmanfromthisGrumkowhenceforth。ThePrincewaitedonherMajesty；signifiedhissorrowforpastestrangements；hisgreatwishnowtohelpher，buthistotalinability，beingoustedbyGrumkow:WeareforHalle，Madam，whereourRegimentis；thereletusservehisMajesty，sincewecannothere！[Wilhelmina，i。90，93。]——AndinfacttheOldDessauerlivesmostlythereintimecoming；sunkinarticulateintacticsofatrulydeepnature，notstrandingonpoliticsofashallow；——
amanstillmemorableinthemythictraditionsofthatplace。
Bettertodrillmentoperfection，andinventironramrods，againstthedaytheyshallbeneeded，thangojostling，onsuchterms，withcattleoftheGrumkowkind！Andthus，weperceive，Grumkowisin，andtheOldDessauerout；andtherehasbeen"achangeofMinistry，"changeof"Majesty’s—Advisers，"broughtabout；——maytheAdvicegoingbewisernow！
WhattheyoungCrown—Princedid，said，thought，insuchenvironment，ofbackstairsdiplomacies，femalesighsandaspirations，Grumkowduels，drillingsintheGiantRegiment，isnotspecifiedforusinthesmallestparticular，intheextensiverubbish—booksthathavebeenwrittenabouthim。Oursis，toindicatethatsuchenvironmentwas:howalivelysoul，actedonbyit，didnotfailtoreact，chameleon—liketakingcolorfromit，andcontrariwisetakingcoloragainstit，mustbelefttothereader’simagination——Onethingwehavegatheredandwillnotforget，ThattheOldDessauerisout，andGrumkowin，thattheruggedSonofGunpowder，drillingmenhenceforthatHalle，andinadumbwaymeditatingtacticsasfeweverdid，hasnoshareinthefoulenchantmentsthatnowsuperveneatcourt。
ChapterVI。
ORDNANCE—MASTERSECKENDORFCROSSESTHEPALACEESPLANADE。
TheKaiser’sterrorandembarrassmentattheconclusionoftheHanoverTreaty，aswesaw，wereextreme。Warpossibleorlikely；
andnothingbutthetermagantcapricesofElizabethFarnesetodependon:nocashfromtheSea—Powers；onlycannonshot，invasionandhostility，fromtheircashandthem:Whatistobedone？
To"caresstheprideofSpain；"tokeepalivethehopes，inthatquarter，ofmarryingtheirDonCarlos，thesupplementaryInfant，tooureldestArchduchess；whichindeedhassettheSea—Powersdreadfullyonfire，butwhichdoesleaveParmaandPiacenzaquietforthepresent，andmakesthePragmaticSanctiontooanaffairofSpain’sown:thisisoneresource，thoughapoorone，andadangerous。Anotheris，tomakealliancewithRussia，bywellflatteringthepoorlittlebrownCzarinathere:butisnotthatastillpoorer？Andwhatthirdisthere！——
Thereisathirdworthboththeothers，coulditbegotdone:
TodetachFriedrichWilhelmfromthosedangerousHanoverConfederates，andbringhimgentlyovertoourselves。Hehasanarmyof60，000，inperfectequipment，andmoneytomaintainthemso。Againstusorforus，——60，000PLUSor60，000MINUS；——thatwillmean120，000fightingmen；amostweightyiteminanyfieldthereisliketobe。Ifitlieinthepowerofhumanart，letusgainthiswildirritatedKingofPrussia。Dareanyhenchmanofoursventuretogo，withhoney—cakes，withpattingsandcajoleries，andsliptheimperialmuzzlewellroundthesnoutofthatruggedursineanimal？Aniracundbear，ofdangerousproportions，andjustlyirritatedagainstusatpresent？OurexperiencedFELDZEUGMEISTER，Ordnance—MasterandDiplomatist，GrafvonSeckendorf，aconscientiousProtestant，andthecunningestofmen，abletolietoalllengths，——darehetryit？Hehasfoughtinallquartersoftheworld；andliedinall，whereneedful；andsavedmoneyinall:hewilltryit，andwillsucceedinittoo！
[Pollnitz，ii。235；Stenzel，iii。544；Forster，ii。59，iii。235，239。]
TheSecondAct，therefore，ofthisfoolishWorld—DramaoftheDouble—Marriageopens，——onthe11thMay，1726，towardssunset，intheTABAGIEoftheBerlinPalace，aswegatherfromlaboriouscomparisonofwindyPollnitzwithotherindistinctwitnessesofadrearynature，——inthefollowingmanner:——
PrussianMajestysitssmokingatthewindow；nothingparticulargoingon。Asquare—builtshortishsteel—grayGentleman，ofmilitarycut，pastfifty，isstrollingovertheSCHLOSSPLATZ
（spaciousSquareinfrontofthePalace），conspicuousamidthesparsepopulationsthere；pensivelyrecreatinghimself，intheyellowsunlightandlongshadows，asafteraday’shardlaborortravel。"Whoisthat？"inquiresFriedrichWilhelm，suspendinghistobacco。Grumkowanswerscautiously，aftersurvey:HethinksitmustbeOrdnance—MasterSeckendorf；whowaswithhimto—day；
passingonrapidlytowardsDenmark，onbusinessthatwillnotwait。——"ExperiencedFeldzeugmeisterGrafvonSeckendorf，whomwestandincorrespondencewith，oflate，andwereexpectingaboutthistime？WhomwehaveknownattheSiegeofStralsund，nayeversincetheMarlboroughtimesandtheSiegeofMenin，inwarandpeace；andhavealwaysreckonedasolidreasonablemanandsoldier:Whyhashenotcometous？"——"YourMajesty，"confessesGrumkow，"hisbusinessissopressing！BusinessinDenmarkwillnotwait。Seckendorfownedhehadcomeslightlyround，inhiseagernesstoseeourgrandReviewatTempelhofthedayafterto—morrow:Whatsoldierwouldomitthesight（sohewaspleasedtointimate）ofsoldieringcarriedtothenon—plus—ultra？Buthehopedtodoitquiteincognito，amongthegeneralpublic；——andthentobeatthegallopagain:notabletohavethehonorofpayinghiscourtatthistime。"——"Court？NARREN—POSSEN
（Nonsense）！"answersFriedrichWilhelm，——andopeningthewindow，beckonsSeckendorfup，withhisownroyalheadandhand。
Theconversationofamanwhohadrationalsense，andcouldtellhimanything，wereitonlynewsafforeignpartsinarationalmanner，wasalwayswelcometoFriedrichWilhelm。
AndsoSeckendorf，howcanhehelpit，isinstalledintheTabagie；glidesintopleasantconversationthere。Acaptivatingtalker；solidforreligion，fortherightsofGermanyagainstintrusiveFrenchandothers:suchinsight，orthodoxy，senseandingenuity；pleasanttohear；andallwiththeduequantityofoil，thoughhe"bothsnufflesandlisps；"andhasprivately，incaseofneed，acapacityoflying，——forhecuriouslydistilsyouanylie，inhisreligiousalembics，tillitbecometolerabletohisconscience，orevenpalatable，aselixirsare；——capacityofdouble—distilledlyingprobablythegreatestofhisday。——
SeckendorfassistsatthegrandReview，13thMay，1726；witnesseswithunfeignedadmirationthenon—plus—ultraofmanoeuvring，and，infact，thegeneralmanagement，militaryandother，ofthisadmirableKing。[Pollnitz，ii。235；Fassmann，pp。367，368。]
Seckendorf，noquestionofit，willdohisDenmarkbusinessswiftly，then，sinceyourMajestyispleasedsotowish。
Seckendorf，sureenough，willreturnswiftlytosuchaKing，whosefamiliarcompany，vouchsafedhiminthisnoblemanner，helikes，——
oh，howhelikesit！
Inaweekortwo，SeckendorfisbacktoBerlin；attendshisMajestyontheannualMilitaryTourthroughPreussen；attendshimeverywhere，becomingquiteanecessaryoflifetohisMajesty；
anddoesnotgoawayatall。Seckendorf’sbusiness，ifhisMajestyknewit，willnotleadhim"away；"butlieshereonthisspot；
andisnowgoingon；themagic—apparatus，Grumkowthemainspringofit，gettingallintogear！GrumkowwasonceclearforKingGeorgeandtheHanoverTreaty，havinghisreasonsthen；butnowhehasotherreasons，andisclearagainstthoseforeignconnections。
"Hm，hah——Yes，myestimable，justlypowerfulHerrvonGrumkow，hereisalittlePensionof1，600ducats（only500poundsasyet），whichtheImperialMajesty，thinkingoftheserviceyoumaydoPrussiaandGermanyandhim，graciouslycommandsmetopresent；——
only500poundsbytheyearasyet；butthereshallbenolackofmoneyifweprosper！"[Forster，iii。233，232；seealsoiv。172，121，157，&c。]
AndsotherearenowtwoBlack—Artists，ofthefirstquality，busyontheunconsciousFriedrichWilhelm；andSeckendorf，forthenextsevenyears，willsticktoFriedrichWilhelmlikehisshadow；
andfascinatehiswholeexistenceandhim，asfewwizardscouldhavedone。FriedrichWilhelm，likeSt。PaulinMelita，warminghisinnocenthandsatthefireofdrybranchesherekindledforhim，——
thatmiracleofavenomousserpentisthisthathasfixeditselfuponhisfinger？ToFriedrichWilhelm’senchantedsenseitseemsabird—of—paradise，trustfullyperchingthere；butitisofthewhip—snakekind，oraworse；andwillsticktohimtragically，ifalsocomically，foryearstocome。Theworldhasseenthecomedyofit，andhashowledscornfullaughteruponFriedrichWilhelmforit:butthereisatragicside，notsowellseeninto，wheretearsareduetothepoorKing；andtocertainothershorsewhips，andalmostgallows—ropes，aredue！——Yes，hadSeckendorfandGrumkowbothbeenwellhanged，atthisstageoftheaffair，wherebytheaffairmighthavesoonendedonfairterms，ithadbeenwelcometomankind；welcomesurelytothepresentEditor；forone；suchasavingtohim，oftimewasted，ofdisgustendured！Andindeeditisasolacementhehasoftenlongedfor，inthesedrearyoperationsofhis。ButtheFatesappointedotherwise；wehavealltoacceptourFate！——
GrumkowissworntoImperialorthodoxy，then，——probablythevulpineMIND（sototermit）wentalwaysratherthatway，andonlyhisinteresttheother；——Grumkowiswellbribed，suppliedforbribingotherswhereneedful；standsorthodoxnow，underperilofhisveryhead。Allthingshavebeengotdistilledintothepalatablestate，spiritualandeconomic，foroneselfandone’sgrandTrojan—HorseofaGrumkow；andtheadventureproceedsapace。
SeckendorfsitsnightlyintheTABAGIE（akindof"SmokingParliament，"asweshallseeanon）；attendsonallpromenadesandjourneys:oneofthewisestheads，andsopleasantindiscourse，heisgrownindispensable，andanecessaryoflifetous。
Seckendorf’sBiographercomputes，"hemusthaveridden，inthosesevenyears，continuallyattendinghisMajesty，above5，000Germanmiles，"[Anonymous（Seckendorf’sGrand—Nephew）VersucheinerLebensbeschreibungdesFeldmarschallsGrafenvonSeckendorf（Leipzig，1792，1794），i。6。]——thatis25，000
Englishmiles；oratriflemorethanthelengthoftheTerrestrialEquator。
Inamonthortwo，[13thAugust，1726（Preuss，i。37）。]
Seckendorf——sinceMajestyvouchsafestohonorusbywishingit——
contrivestogetnominatedKaiser’sMinisteratBerlin:unlimitedprospectsofTabagie，andgoodtalk，nowopeningonMajesty。
AndimpartialGrumkow，inTabagieorwhereverweare，cannotbutadmit，nowandthen，thattheExcellenzHerrGrafOrdnance—MasterhasadealofreasoninwhathesaysaboutForeignPolitics，aboutintrusiveFrenchandotherpoints。"Hm，Na，"musesFriedrichWilhelmtohimself，"iftheKaiserhadnotbeensoloftyonusinthatHeidelberg—Protestantaffair，intheRitter—Dienstbusiness，inthosedamned’recruiting’brabbles；alwaysaveryhigh—sniffingsurlyKaisertous！"ForinfacttheKaiserhas，allalong，usedFriedrichWilhelmbitterlyill；andcontemplatesnobetterusageofhim，exceptinshow。Usage？thinkstheKaiser:AbigPrussianpieceofCannon，whomwewishtoenchantovertous！DidLAZYPEG
complainofher"usage"？——SothattheExcellenzandGrumkowhaveaheavyproblemofit；weretheynotsodiligent，andtheCannonitselfwelldisposed。"ThoseBLITZFRANZOSEN（blastedFrench）！"
growlsFriedrichWilhelmsometimes，intheTobacco—Parliament:
[Forster，ii。12，&c。]forhehatestheFrench，andwouldfainlovehisKaiser；beingGermantothebone，andofrightloyalheart，thoughcountedonlyapieceofcannonbysome。Foronething，hisPrussianMajestydeclinessigningthatTreatyofHanoverasecondtime:nowwhentheDutchaccedetoit，afteralmostayear’stroublewiththem，thePrussianAmbassador，singulartoobserve，"hasnoorderstosign；"leavestheEnglishwiththeirHollandersandBlitzFranzosentosignbythemselves，thistime。[9thAugust，1726。（Boyer，ThePoliticalStateofGreatRrilain，amonthlyperiodical，vol。xxxii。
p。77，whichisthenumberforJuly，1726。）]"Wewillwait，wewillwait！"thinkshisPrussianMajesty:——"Whoknows？"
"ButthenJulichandBerg！"urgeshealways；"BritannicMajestyandtheBlitzFranzosenweretosecuremethereversionthere。
Thatwastheessentialpoint！"——ForthistooExcellenzhasaremedy；worksoutgraduallyaremedyfromheadquarters，theamiabledexterousman:"Kaiserwilldothelike，yourMajesty；
Kaiserhimselfwillsecureityou！"——Inbrief，somethreemonthsafterSeckendorf’sinstalmentasKaiser’sMinister，notyetfivemonthssincehisappearanceintheSchlossplatzthatMayevening，——itisnowHunting—season，andweareatWusterhausen；
Majesty，histwoBlack—Artistsandthepropersatellitesonbothsidesallthere，——anewandoppositeTreaty，inextremeprivacy，onthe12thofOctober，1726，issignedatthatsequesteredHunting—Schloss:"TreatyofWusterhausen"socalled；whichwasonceveryfamousandmysterious，andcausedmanywigstowag。
Wigstowag，inthosedaysespecially，whenknowledgeofitwasfirsthad；theratherasonlyhalfknowledgecouldbehadofit；——
orcan，mournsDryasdust，whohasstilldifficultiesaboutsome"secretarticles"intheDocument。[Buchholz，i。94n。]Courage，myfriend；theyarenowofnoimportancetoanycreature。
TheessentialpurportofthisTreaty，[GivenINEXTENSO（withoutthesecretarticles）inForster，iv。159—166。]legibletoalleyes，is，"ThatFriedrichWilhelmsilentlydropstheHanoverTreatyandBlitzFranzosen；andexplicitlystepsovertotheKaiser’sside；stipulatestoassisttheKaiserwithsomanythousand，ifattackedinGermanybyanyBlitzFranzoseorintrusiveForeignerwhatever。Inreturnforwhich，theKaiser，besidesassistingPrussiainthelikecasewithalikequotityofthousands，engages，incircuitouschancerylanguage，Tobehelpful，andhumanlyspeakingeffectua1，inthatgrandmatterofJulichandBerg；——somewhatinthefollowingstrain:’ToourImperialminditdoesappeartheKingofPrussiahasmanifestrighttothesuccessioninJulichandBerg；rightgroundedonexpressERBVERGLEICHof1624，nottospeakofDeedssubsequent:
theImperialmind，assupremejudgeofsuchmattersintheReich，willnotfailtodecidethisCausesoonandjustly，shoulditcometothat。Butwehopeitmaytakeastillbettercourse:fortheImperialmindwillstraightwaysetaboutpersuadingKur—Pfalztocomplypeaceably；andevenundertakestohavesomethingdone，thatway，beforesixmonthspass。’"[Art。v。inForster，ubisupra。]
Humanlyspeaking，surelytheImperialmindwillbeeffectualintheJulichandBergmatter。Butitwasverynecessarytousecircuitouschancerylanguage，——inasmuchastheImperialmind，desirousalsotosecureKur—Pfalz’shelpinthissorecrisis，had，aboutthreemonthsago，[TreatywithKur—Pfalz，16thAugust，1726
（Forster，ii。71）。]expresslyengagedtoKur—Pfalz，ThatJulichandBergshouldNOTgotoFriedrichWilhelmintermsoftheoldDeed，buttoKur—Pfalz’sCousinsofSulzbach，whomtheoldgentleman（inspiteofDeeds）wasobstinatetoprefer！Thereisnodoubtaboutthatfact，aboutthatself—devouringpairoffacts。
TosuchstraitsisaKaiserdrivenwhenhegetsdeepintospectre—hunting。
Thisistheoncefamous，nowforgotten，"TreatyofWusterhausen，12thOctober，1726；"whichprovedsoconsolatorytotheKaiserinthatdreadcrisisofhisSpectre—Hunt；andtheeffectsofwhichareveryvisibleinthisHistory，ifnowhereelse。ItcaughtupthePrussian—EnglishDouble—Marriage；launcheditintothehugetideofImperialSpectrePolitics，intotheawfulswaggingsandswayingsoftheTerrestrialLIBRAingeneral；andnearlybroketheheartofseveralRoyalpersons；ofamemorableCrown—Prince，amongothers。Whichlastisnow，prettymuch，itssoleclaimtobeevermentionedagainbymankind。Astherewasnoperformance，noranintentionofany，inthatJulich—Bergmatter，ExcellenzSeckendorfhadthetaskhenceforthofkeeping，byart—magicorthePRETERnaturalmethod，——thatis，bymerehelpofGrumkowandtheDevil，——hisPrussianMajestysteadytotheKaisernevertheless。
AlwayswelldividedfromtheEnglishespecially。WhichtheExcellencySeckendorfmanagedtodo。Forsixorsevenyearscoming；or，infact，tilltheseSpectre—chasingsended，orranelse—whitherforconsummation。Steadyalways，jealousoftheEnglish；sometimesnearlymad，butalwaysreadyasaprimedcannon:soFriedrichWilhelmwasaccordinglymanagedtobekept；——
hisownHouseholdgonealmostintodelirium；hehimselflookingout，withloyallyfiercesurvey，foranyAnti—KaiserWar:"Whendowegooff，then？"——thoughnoneevercame。Andindeednothingcame；
andexceptthosetormentstoyoungFriedrichandothers，itwasallNothing。OneofthestrangestpiecesofBlack—Arteverdone。
ExcellenzSeckendorf，whomFriedrichWilhelmsoloves，isbynomeansabeautifulman；farthereverse。Bodily，——andthespiritcorresponds，——astiff—backed，petrified，stony，inscrutable—looking，andmostunbeautifuloldIntriguer。
Portraitsofhim，whicharefrequent，tellallonestory。
Thebrowpuckeredtogether，inawidewebofwrinklesfromeachtemple，asifitmeanttohidethebadpairofeyes，whichlooksuspicion；inquiry，apprehension，habitofdouble—distilledmendacity；theindeterminateprojectingchin，withitsthick，chappedunder—lip，isshakenout，orshovedout，inmill—hopperfashion，——asiftoswallowanythingtheremaybe，spokenthingorother，andgrindittoprofitablemealforitself。SpirituallyhewasanoldSoldierletforhire；anoldIntriguer，Liar，Fighter，whatyoulike。WhatwemaycallahumanSoulstandinglikeahackney—coach，thishalf—centurypast，withhead，tongue，heart，conscience，atthehestofadiscerningpublicanditsshilling。
Thereisconsiderablefaculty，acertainstiff—neckedstrengthintheoldfellow；infact，naturehadbeenratherkindtohim；
andcertainlyhisUncleandGuardian——thedistinguishedSeckendorfwhodidtheHISTORIALUTHERANISMI，aRITTER，andmanofgoodmark，inErnstTHEPIOUSofSaxe—Gotha’stime——tookpainsabouthiseducation。ButNature’sgiftshavenotprosperedwithhim:
howcouldthey，inthathackney—coachwayoflife？
Considerablegifts，wesay；shrunkintoastrangebankruptcyinthedevelopmentofthem。Astiff—backed，close—fistedoldgentleman，withmill—hopperchin，——withpuckerymuch—inquiringeyes，whichhaveneverdiscoveredanynoblepathforhiminthisworld。HeisastrictlyorthodoxProtestant；zealousaboutexternalpointsofmoralconduct；yetscruplesnot，fortheKaiser’sshilling，toliewithenergytoalllengths；andfight，accordingtotheReichs—Hofrathcode，foranygodorman。Heisgonemostlytoavarice，inthesematureyears；allhisvariousstrengthsturnedintostrengthofgrasping。Heisnowfifty—four；
amanpublicintheworld，especiallysincehebecametheKaiser’sman:buthehasservedvariousmasters，invariouscapacities，andbeeninmanywars；——andforthenextthirtyyearsweshallstilloccasionallymeethim，seldomtoouradvantage。
HecomesfromAnspachoriginally；andhaskindredSeckendorfsinofficethere，oldRittersinthatCountry。Heinheritedahandsomecastleandestate，Meuselwitz，nearAltenburgintheThuringenregion，fromthatUncle，ErnstofSaxe—Gotha’sman，whomwespokeof；andhasotherwisegainedwealth；allwhichheholdslikeavice。Once，atMeuselwitz，theysay，heandsomeyoungsecretary，ofasmartishturn，satworkingorconversing，inalargeroomwithonlyonecandletoilluminateit:thesecretary，snuffingthecandle，snuffeditout:"Pshaw，"saidSeckendorfimpatiently，"wheredidyoulearntohandlesnuffers？""Excellenz，inaplacewherethereweretwolightskept！"repliedthe0ther。[
SechendorjeLeben（alreadycited），i。4。]——Fortherest，hehasagoodoldWifeatMeuselwitz，whoisnowold，andhadneveranychildren；wholoveshimmuch，andismuchlovedbyhim，itwouldappear:thisisreallythebestfactIeverknewofhim，——poorbankruptcreature；gonealltospiritualrheumatism，tostrictorthodoxy，withunlimitedmendacity；andavariceasthegeneraloutcome！Stiff—backed，close—fistedstrength，allgrownwoodenorstony；yetsomelittlewellofhumanSympathydoesliefarintheinterior:onewishes，afterall（sincehecouldnotbegothangedintimeforus），gooddaystohispooroldWifeandhim！Hebothlispsandsnuffles，aswasmentioned；writescunninglyacresofdespatchestoPrinceEugene；neverswears，thoughamilitaryman，exceptongreatoccasionsoneoath，JARNI—BLEU，——whichisperhapssomeflash—noteversionofCHAIR—DE—DIEU，likePARBLEU，’Zoundsandtherestofthem，whichtheDevilcannotprosecuteyoufor；wherebyaneconomicmanhasthepleasureofswearingoncheapterms。
HerrPollnitz’saccountofSeckendorfisunusuallyemphatic；
babblingPollnitzrisesintoastrainofpulpiteloquence，inspiredbyindignation，onthistopic:"HeaffectedGermandownrightness，towhichhewasastranger；andfollowed，underadeceitfulshowofpiety，alltheprinciplesofMachiavel。Withthemostsordidloveofmoneyhecombinedboorishmanners。Lies[ofthedistilledkindchiefly]hadsobecomeahabitwithhim，thathehadaltogetherlostnotionofemployingtruthinspeech。Itwasthesoulofausurer，inhabitingnowthebodyofawar—captain，nowtransmigratingintothatofahuckster。Falseoaths，andtheabominablestbasenesses，costhimnothing，sohisobjectmightbereached。Hewasmiserlywithhisown，butlavishwithhisMaster’smoney；dailyhegavemoststrikingproofsofboththesehabitudes。
Andthiswasthemanwhomwesaw，foraspaceoftime，attheheadoftheKaiser’sArmies，andatthehelmoftheStateandoftheGermanEmpire，"[Pollnitz，ii。238。]——havingdonethePrussianaffairsowell。
ThiscunningoldGentleman，todatefromtheautumnof1726，maybesaidtohavetakenpossessionofFriedrichWilhelm；tohavegoneintohim，Grumkowandhe，astwodevilswouldhavedoneintheoldmiraculoustimes:and，inmanysenses，itwasthey，notthenominalproprietor，thatlivedFriedrichWilhelm’slife。
Forthenextsevenyears，afigurewentabout，notdoubtingitwasFriedrichWilhelm；butitwasinrealitySeckendorf—and—Grumkowmuchmore。Thesetwo，conjurerandhisman，bothinvisible，havecaughttheirroyalwildBear；gotaroperoundhismuzzle；——andsodancehimabout；nowterrifying，nowexhilaratingallthemarketbythepranksheplays！Grumkow，averyMachiavelafterhissort，knewthenatureoftheroyalanimalasnootherdid。Grumkow，purchasedbyhisPensionof500pounds，isdog—cheapattheMoney，asSeckendorfoftenurgesatVienna，Ishenot？Andtheyaddatouchofextraordinarygiftnowandthen，40，000florins（4，000
pounds）ononeoccasion:[In1732:Forster，iii。232。]for"GrumkowDIENETEHRLICH（serveshonorably），"urgesSeckendorf；
andagain，"Ifanybodydeservesfavor[GNADE，meaningextrapay]，itisthisgentleman；"——WAHRLICH！PurchasedGrumkowhasamplemoneyatcommand，topurchaseotherpeopleneeded；anddoespurchase；sothatallthingsandpersonscanbefalsifiedandenchanted，asneedis。Byandbyithasgotsofar，thatFriedrichWilhelm’sAmbassadoratLondonmaintainsacipher—correspondencewithGrumkow；andwritestoFriedrichWilhelm，notwhatispassingincityorcourtthere，butwhatGrumkowwishesFriedrichWilhelmtothinkispassing。
Ofinsinuations，byassentorcontradiction，potentifyouknowthenatureofthebeast；oftheseweneednotspeak。
Tabaks—Collegiumhasbecomeaworkshop:——humannaturecanfancyit！NayhumannaturecanstillreaditintheBritishState—PaperOffice，toboundlessstupendousextent；——butoughtmostlytosuppressitwhenread。
ThisisaverystrangepartofFriedrichWilhelm’shistory；
andhascausedmuchwonderintheworld:Wilhelmina’sBookratheraggravatingthanassuagingthatfeeling，onthepartofintelligentreaders。ABookwrittenlongafterwards，fromherrecollections，fromherownobliquepointofview；inabeautifullyshrillhumor；running，notunnaturally，intoconfusedexaggerationsanddistortionsofallkinds。Notmendaciouslywrittenanywhere，yeterroneouslyeverywhere。Wilhelminahadnoknowledgeofthemagicalmachinerythatwasatwork:shevaguelysuspectsGrumkowandSeckendorf；butdoesnotguess，inthemadexplosionsofPapa，thattwodevilshavegotintoPapa，andaredoingthemischief。Trustingtomemoryalone，shemisdates，mistakes，misplaces；jumblesallthingstopsy—turvy；——giving，onthewhole，animageofaffairswhichisaltogetheroblique，dislocated，exaggerative；andwhich，infine，provesunintelligible，ifyoutrytoconstrueitintoafactorthingDONE。YetherHumanNarrative，inthatwidewasteofmerelyPedantMaunderings，isofgreatworthtous。Agreentree，aleafygrove，betterorworse，inthewildernessofdeadbonesandsand，——howwelcome！ManyotherBookshavebeenwrittenonthematter；butthesetomyexperience，onlydarkenitmoreandmore。
PullWilhelminaSTRAIGHT，thebestyoucan；deductatwenty—fiveorsometimesevenaseventy—fivepercent，fromtheexaggerativeportionsofherstatement；youwillfindheralwaystrue，lucid，charminglyhuman；andbyfarthebestauthorityonthispartofherBrother’sHistory。State—Paperstosomeextenthavealsobeenprintedonthematter；andofwrittenState—Papers，hereinEnglandandelsewhere，thisEditorhas，hadseveralhundred—weightsdistilledforhim:butexceptaslightshungoutoverWilhelmina，nothingyetknown，ofpublishedormanuscript，canberegardedasgoodformuch。
OHeavens，hadonebutseven—leagueboots，togetacrossthatinanecountry，——abottomlesswhirlpoolofdustandcobwebsinmanyplaces；——where，atanyrate，wehadsolittletodo！Elucidating，rectifying，painfullycontrasting，comparing，letustrytoworkoutsomeconceivablepictureofthisstrangeImperialMUCHADO
ABOUTNOTHING；andgetourunfortunateCrown—Prince，andourunfortunateselves，alivethroughit。
ChapterVII。
TOBACCO—PARLIAMENT。
Inthesedistressingjunctures，itmaycheerthereader’sspirits，andwilltendtoexplainforhimwhatiscoming，ifweglancealittleintotheFriedrich—WilhelmTABAGIE（TABAKS—COLLEGIUMorSmokingCollege），moreworthytobecalledTobacco—Parliament，ofwhichtherehavealreadybeenincidentalnotices。FartooremarkableanInstitutionofthecountrytobeoverlookedbyushere。
FriedrichWilhelm，thoughanabsoluteMonarch，doesnotdreamofgoverningwithoutLaw，stilllesswithoutJustice，whichheknowswelltobetheonebasisforhimandforallKingsandmen。
Hislife—effort，prosecutedinagrand，unconscious，unvaryingandinstinctiveway，maybedefinedratherastheefforttofindouteverywhereinhisaffairswhatwasjustice；tomakeregulations，lawsinconformitywiththat，andtoguidehimselfandhisPrussiarigorouslybythese。Trulyheisnotofconstitutionalturn；
careslittleaboutthewigsandformalitiesofjustice，pressingonsofiercelytowardstheessenceandfactofit；hehasbeenknowntotearasunderthewigsandformalities，inanotablyimpatientmanner，whentheystoodbetweenhimandthefact。
ButPrussiahasitsLawswithal，tolerablyabundant，tolerablyfixedandsupreme:andthemeanestPrussianmanthatcouldfindoutadefiniteLaw，comingathwartFriedrichWilhelm’swrath，wouldcheckFriedrichWilhelminmid—volley，——orhopewithgoodgroundtodoit。Hope，wesay；fortheKingisinhisownandhispeople’seyes，tosomeindefiniteextent，alwayshimselfthesupremeultimateInterpreter，andgrandlivingcodex，oftheLaws，——alwaystosomeindefiniteextent；——andthereremainsforasubjectmannothingbuttheappealtoPHILIPSOBER，insomerashcases！Onthewhole，however，FriedrichWilhelmisbynomeansalawlessMonarch；norarehisPrussiansslavesbyanymeans:
theyarepatient，stout—hearted，subjectmen，withaveryconsiderablequantityofradicalfire，verywellcoveredin；
preventedfromidleexplosions，boundtoarespectfuldemeanor，andespeciallytoholdtheirtonguesasmuchaspossible。
FriedrichWilhelmhasnottheleastshadowofaConstitutionalParliament，norevenaPrivy—Council，asweunderstandit；
hisMinistersbeingingeneralmereClerkstoregisterandexecutewhathehadotherwiseresolvedupon:buthehadhisTABAKS—COLLEGIUM，Tobacco—College，SmokingCongress，TABAGIE，whichhasmadesomuchnoiseintheworld，andwhich，inaroughnaturalway:affordshimtheusesofaParliament，onmostcheapterms，andwithouttheformidableinconveniencesattachedtothatkindofInstitution。AParliamentreducedtoitssimplestexpression，and，insteadofParliamentaryeloquence，providedwithDutchclay—pipesandtobacco:sowemaydefinethiscelebratedTabagieofFriedrichWilhelm’s。