TabagieswerenotuncommonamongGermanSovereignsofthatepoch:
GeorgeI。atHanoverhadhisSmoking—room，andselectsmokingPartyonanevening；andevenatLondon，aswenoticed，smokednightly，wettinghisroyalthroatwiththinbeer，inpresenceofhisfatandofhisleanMistress，iftherewerenoothercompany。
Tobacco，——introducedbytheSwedishsoldiersintheThirty—YearsWar，saysome；orevenbytheEnglishsoldiersintheBohemianorPalatinatebeginningsofsaidWar，sayothers；——tobacco，onceshownthem，wasenthusiasticallyadoptedbytheGermanpopulations，longinwantofsuchanarticle；andhasdoneimportantmultifariousfunctionsinthatcountryeversince。
Fortruly，inPolitics，Morality，andalldepartmentsoftheirPracticalandSpeculativeaffairs，wemaytraceitsinfluences，goodandbad，tothisday。
Influencesgenerallybad；pacificatorybutbad，engagingyouinidlecloudydreams；——stillworse，promotingcomposureamongthepalpablychaoticanddiscomposed；soothingallthingsintolazypeace；thatallthingsmaybelefttothemselvesverymuch，andtothelawsofgravityanddecomposition。WherebyGermanaffairsarecometobegreatlyovergrownwithfungusesinourTime；andgivesymptomsofdryandofwetrot，whereverhandled。GeorgeI。，wesay，hadhisTabagie；andotherGermanSovereignshad:butnoneofthemturnedittoaPoliticalInstitution，asFriedrichWilhelmdid。Thethriftyman；findingitwouldserveinthatcapacitywithal。Hehadtakenitupasacommonplacesolaceandamusement:
itisarewardfordoingstrenuouslytheday’sheavylabors，towindthemupinthismanner，inquietsocietyoffriendlyhumanfaces，intoacontemplativesmoke—canopy，slowlyspreadingintotherealmofsleepanditsdreams。FriedrichWilhelmwasamanofhabitudes；hiseveningTabagiebecamealawofNaturetohim，constantasthesettingofthesun。Favorablecircumstances，quietlynoticedandlaidholdofbythethriftyman，developedthissimpleeveningarrangementofhisintoasortofSmokingParliament，smallbutpowerful，whereState—consultations，inafitfulinformalway，tookplace；andtheweightiestaffairsmight，bydexterousmanagement，cunninginsinuationandmanoeuvringfromthosethatunderstoodtheartandtheplace，bebentthiswayorthat，andripenedtowardssuchissueaswasdesirable。
Toascertainwhatthetruecourseinregardtothisortheotherhighmatterwillbe；whatthepublicwillthinkofit；and，inshort，whatandhowtheExecutive—RoyalshallDOtherein:
this，theessentialfunctionofaParliamentandPrivy—Council，washere，byartlesscheapmethods，underthebiddingofmereNature，multifariouslydone；meretaciturnityandsedativesmokemakingthemostofwhatnaturalintellecttheremightbe。
ThesubstitutionofTobacco—smokeforParliamentaryeloquenceis，bysome，heldtobeagreatimprovement。HereisSmelfungus’sopinion，quaintlyexpressed，withasmileinit，whichperhapsisnotallofjoy:——
"Tobacco—smokeistheoneelementinwhich，byourEuropeanmanners，mencansitsilenttogetherwithoutembarrassment，andwherenomanisboundtospeakonewordmorethanhehasactuallyandveritablygottosay。Nay，rathereverymanisadmonishedandenjoinedbythelawsofhonor，andevenofpersonalease，tostopshortofthatpoint；atallevents，toholdhispeaceandtaketohispipeagain，theinstanthehasspokenhismeaning，ifhechancetohaveany。Theresultsofwhichsalutarypractice，ifintroducedintoConstitutionalParliaments，mightevidentlybeincalculable。Theessenceofwhatlittleintellectandinsightthereisinthatroom:weshallorcangetnothingmoreoutofanyParliament；andsedative，gentlysoothing，gentlyclarifyingtobacco—smoke（iftheroomwerewellventilated，openatop，andtheairkeptgood），withtheobligationtoaMINIMUMofspeech，surelygiveshumanintellectandinsightthebestchancetheycanhave。Bestchance，insteadoftheworstchanceasatpresent:
ahme，ahme，whowillreducefoolstosilenceagaininanymeasure？WhowilldelivermenfromthishideousnightmareofStump—Oratory，underwhichthegrandestNationsarechokingtoanamelessdeath，bleeding（tootruly）frommouthandnoseandears，inoursaddays？"
ThisTobacco—CollegeistheGrumkow—and—Seckendorfchieffieldofaction。ThesetwogentlemenunderstandthoroughlythenatureofthePrussianTobacco—Parliament；havestudiedtheconditionsofittothemostintricatecranny:noEnglishWhipper—inoreloquentPremierknowshisSt。Stephen’sbetter，orhowtohatchameasureinthatdimhotelement。Byhint，byinnuendo；bycontemplativesmoke，speechandforbearancetospeak；oftenlookingonewayandrowinganother，——theycantouchthesecretsprings，andguideinasurprisingmannerthebigdangerousFireship（forsucheveryState—Parliamentis）towardsthehaventheyintendforit。
MostdexterousParliament—men（Smoke—Parliament）；noWalpole，noDundas，orimmortalPitt，FirstorSecond，isclevererinParliamentarypractice。FortheirFireship，thoughsmallerthantheBritish，isverydangerouswithal。Lookatthis，forinstance:
Seckendorf，oneevening，farcontrarytohiswont，whichwasprostraterespectineasyforms，andalwaysjudicioussubmissionofone’sownweakerjudgment，towardshisMajesty，——hasgotintosomedifficultdefenceoftheKaiser；defenceverydifficult，orinrealityimpossible。Thecautiousmanisflusteredbytheintricaciesofhisposition，byhisMajesty’sindignantcounter—volleys，andtheperilousnecessitythereistodotheimpossibleonthespuroftheinstant；——getsintoemphasis，answershisMajesty’svolcanicfirebyincipientheatofhisown；
and，inshort，seemsindangerofforgettinghimself，andkindlingtheTobacco—Parliamentintoamereconflagration。Thatwillbeanissueforus！Andyetwhodareinterfere？FriedrichWilhelm’swords，inhighclangorousmetallicplangency，andthepathosofalionraisedbyangerintosong，fallhotterandhotter；
Seckendorf’spuckeredbrowisgrowingofslate—color；
hisshelf—lip，shuttlingviolently，lispsandsnufflesmereunconciliatorymatter:——Whatonearthwillbecomeofus？——"Hoom！
Boom！"dexterousGrumkowhasdrawnaHumming—topfromhispocket，andsuddenlysentitspinning。Thereithumsandcaracoles，throughthebottlesandglasses；recklesswhatdangerousbreakageandspilthitmayoccasion。FriedrichWilhelmlookedasidetoitindignantly。"Whatisthat？"inquiredhe，inmetallictonestillhigh。"Pooh，atoyIboughtforthelittlePrinceAugust，yourMajesty:amonlytryingit！"HisMajestyunderstoodthehint，Seckendorfstillbetter；andajollytouchoflaughter，onbothsides，broughtthematterbackintothesafetobacco—cloudsagain。
[Forster，ii。110。]
ThisSmokingParliamentor（TABAKS—COLLEGIUMofhisPrussianMajestywasathingmuchtalkedofintheworld；buttillSeckendorfandGrumkowstartedtheirgraudoperationsthere，itsproceedingsarenotonrecord；norindeedtillthenhaditspoliticalorparliamentaryfunctionbecomesodecidedlyevident。
ItwasoriginallyasimpleSmoking—Club；gottogetheronhestofNature，withoutulteriorintentions:——thusEnglishPARLIAMENTA
themselvesareunderstoodtohavebeen，intheoldNormantime，mereroyalChristmas—Festivities，withnaturalcolloquyorPARLEYINGbetweenKingandNoblesensuingthereupon，andwhatwisestconsultationconcerningthearduousthingsoftherealmthecircumstancesgaveriseto。Suchparleyingsorconsultations，——
alwaystwoinnumberinregardtoeverymatter，itwouldseem，oreventhree；onesober，onedrunk，andonejustafterbeingdrunk，——provingofextremeserviceinpractice，grewtobeParliament，withitsthreereadings，andwhatnot。
ASmoking—room，——withwoodenfurniture，wecansuppose，——ineachofhisMajesty’sroyalPalaces，wassetapartforthiseveningservice，andbecametheTabagieofhisMajesty。ATabagie—roomintheBerlinSchloss，anotherinthePotsdam，iftheciceronehadanyknowledge，couldstillbepointedout:——buttheTobacco—PIPES
thatareshownasFriedrichWilhelm’sintheKUNSTKAMMERorMuseumofBerlin，pipeswhichnorationalsmoker，notcompelledtoit，wouldhaveused，awakenjustdoubtastothecicerones；andyouleavetheLocalityoftheTabagieathingconjectural。Insummerseason，atPotsdamandincountrysituations，Tabagiecouldbeheldunderatent:weexpresslyknow，hisMajestyheldTabagieatWusterhausennightlyontheStepsofthebigFountain，intheOuterCourtthere。IssuingfromWusterhausenSchloss，anditslittleclippedlindens，bythewesternside；passingthesentries，bridgeandblackditch，withlivePrussianeagles，viciousblackbears，youcomeupontheroyalTabagieofWusterhausen；coveredbyanawning，Ishouldthink；sendingforthitsbitsofsmoke—clouds，anditshumofhumantalk，intothewidefreeDesertround。
Anyroomthatwaslargeenough，andhadheightofceiling，andair—circulationandnocloth—furniture，woulddo:andineachPalaceisone，ormorethanone，thathasbeenfixeduponandfittedoutforthatobject。
AhighlargeRoom，astheEngravings（mostlyworthless）giveitus:contentedsaturninehumanfigures，adozenorsoofthem，sittingroundalargelongTable，furnishedfortheoccasion；
longDutchpipeinthemouthofeachman；suppliesofknastereasilyaccessible；smallpanofburningpeat，intheDutchfashion（sandynativecharcoal，whichburnsslowlywithoutsmoke），isatyourlefthand；atyourrightajug，whichIfindtoconsistofexcellentthinbitterbeer。Othercostliermaterialsfordrinking，ifyouwantsuch，arenotbeyondreach。Onside—tablesstandwholesomecold—meats，royalroundsofbeefnotwanting，withbreadthinlyslicedandbuttered:inarusticbutneatandabundantway，suchinnocentaccommodations，narcoticornutritious，gaseous，fluidandsolid，ashumannature，bentoncontemplationandaneveninglounge，canrequire。Perfectequalityistobetherule；
norising，ornoticetaken，whenanybodyentersorleaves。Lettheenteringmantakehisplaceandpipe，withoutobligatoryremarks:
ifhecannotsmoke，whichisSeckendorf’scaseforinstance，lethimatleastaffecttodoso，andnotruffletheestablishedstreamofthings。Andso，Puff，slowlyPff！——andanycomfortablespeechthatisinyou；ornone，ifyouauthenticallyhavenotany。
Oldofficialgentlemen，militaryformostpart；Grumkow，Derschau，OldDessauer（whenathand），Seckendorf，oldGeneralFlans（ruggedPlatt—Deutschspecimen，capableofTOCADILLEorbackgammon，capableofroughslashesofsarcasmwhenheopenshisoldbeardforspeech）:these，andthelikeofthese，intimateconfidantsoftheKing，menwhocouldspeakalittle，orwhocouldbesociallysilentotherwise，——seemtohavebeenthestapleoftheInstitution。Strangersofmark，whohappenedtobepassing，wereoccasionalguests；GinckeltheDutchAmbassador，thoughforeignlikeSeckendorf，waswellseenthere；garrulousPollnitz，whohaswanderedoveralltheworld，hadastandinginvitation。
Kings，highPrincesonvisit，weresuretohavethehonor。
TheCrown—Prince，nowandafterwards，wasoftenpresent；
oftenerthanheliked，——insuchanatmosphere，insuchanelement。
"ThelittlePrinceswereallwonttocomein，"doffingtheirbitsoftriangularhats，"andbidPapagood—night。OneoftheoldGeneralswouldsometimesputthemthroughtheirexercise；andthelittlecreatureswereunwillingtogoawaytobed。"
InsuchAssemblage，whenbusinessofimportance，foreignordomestic，wasnotoccupyingtheroyalthoughts，——theTalk，wecanbelieve，wasramblingandmultifarious:theday’shunting，ifatWusterhausen；theday’snews，ifatBerlinorPotsdam；
oldreminiscences，too，Icanfancy，turningup，andtalk，eveninSeckendorf’sowntime，aboutSiegeofMenin（whereyourMajestyfirstdidmethehonorofsomenotice），SiegeofStralsund，and——
dulyonSeptember11thatleast——Malplaquet，withMarlboroughandEugene:whatMarlboroughsaid，looked:andespeciallyLottum，lateFeldmarschallLottum；[Died1719。]andhowthePrussianInfantryheldfirm，likeawallofrocks，whenthehorseweresweptaway，——
rockshighlyvolcanic，andcapableofrollingforwardtoo；
and"howacertainAdjutant[Derschausmokesharder，andblushesbrown]snatchedpoorTettauonhisback，bleedingtodeath，amidtheironwhirlwinds，andbroughthimoutofshot—range。"[
Militair—Lexikon，iv。78，？Major—GeneralvonTettau，andi。348，？Derschau。ThiswasthebeginningofDerschau’sfavorwithFriedrichWilhelm，whohadwitnesssdthispieceoffaithfulwork。]——"Hm，na，suchaDay，that，HerrFeldzeugmeister，asweshallnotseeagaintilltheLastoftheDays！"
Failingtalk，therewereNewspapersinabundance；scraggyDutchCourants，JournalsoftheRhine，FAMAS，FrankfurtZEITUNGS；
withwhichhisMajestyexuberantlysuppliedhimself；——beingwillingtoknowwhatwaspassinginthehighplacesoftheworld，orevenwhatinthedarksnuffyEditor’sthoughtswaspassing。
Thiskindofmatter，assomepictureoftheactualhour，hisMajestylikedtohavereadtohim，evenduringmeal—time。
Somesubordinatecharacter，withclearwindpipe，——allthebettertoo，ifhebeabook—man，cognizantofHistory，Geography，andcanexplaineverything，——usuallyreadstheNewspaperfromsomehighseatbehindbacks，whilehisMajestyandHouseholddine。ThesamesubordinatepersonagemaybeworthhisplaceintheTabagie，shouldhisfunctionhappentoprovenecessarythere。
Evenbook—men，thoughgenerallypedantsandmerebagsofwindandfolly，aregoodforsomething，moreespeciallyifrichminesofquizzabilityturnouttobeworkableinthem。
OFGUNDLING，ANDTHELITERARYMENINTOBACCO—PARLIAMENT。
FriedrichWilhelmhad，insuccessionorsometimessimultaneously，anumberofsuchNondescripts，toreadhisNewspapersandseasonhisTabagie；——lastevanescentphasisoftheoldCourt—Foolspecies；——whoformanoticeablefeatureofhisenvironment。
Oneveryfamousliterarygentlemanofthisdescription，whodistancedeverycompetitor，intheTabagieandelsewhere，forservinghisMajesty’soccasions，wasJakobPaulGundling；anamestilllaughinglyrememberedamongthePrussianPeople。
GundlingwasaCountry—Clergyman’sson，oftheNurnbergquarter；
hadstudied，carryingoffthehonors，invariousUniversities；
hadread，orturnedover，wholecartloadsofwiseandfoolishBooks（gravitating，Ifear，towardsthelatterkind）；hadgonetheGrandTourastravellingtutor，"ascompaniontoanEnglishgentleman。"Hehadseencourts，perhapscamps，atlowestcitiesandinns；knewinamanner，practicallyandtheoretically，allthings，andhadpublishedmultifariousBooksofhisown。[Listofthem，Twenty—oneinnumber，mostlyonlearnedAntiquariansubjects，——inForster，ii。255，256。]Thesublimelong—earederuditionofthemanwasnottobecontested；manifesttoeverybody；thriceandfourtimesmanifesttohimself，inthefirstplace。
Inthecourseofhisroamings，andgrandandlittletours，hehadcometoBerlininoldKingFriedrich’stime；hadthrownpowderintheeyesofmenthere，andbeenappointedtoProfessorshipsintheRitter—Academy，toChief—Heraldships，——"HistoriographerRoyal，"
andperhapsotherhonorsandemoluments。ThewholeofwhichwerecutdownbytheruthlessscytheofFriedrichWilhelm，ruthlesslymowinghisfieldclear，inthemannerwesawathisAccession。
WherebylearnedgrandiloquentGundling，muchaddictedtoliquorbythistime，andturningthecornerofforty，sawhimselfcastforthintothegeneralwilderness；thatistosay，walkingthestreetsofBerlin，withnoresourcesbutwhatlaywithinhimselfandhisownhungryskin。Muchgiventoliquortoo。Howhelived，forayearortwoafterthis，——eruditepenandbraggarttonguehisonlyresources，——weretragicaltosay。AtlengthafamousTavern—keeper，the"LEIPZIGEPOLTER—HANS（LeipzigKill—Cow，orBOISTEROUS—JACK），"astheycallhim，findingwhatadungeonoferuditetalkthisGundlingwas，andhowgentlemengotentertainedbyhim，gaveGundlingtherunofhisTavern（or，Ifear，onlyaseatinthedrinking—room）；anditwasherethatGeneralGrumkowfoundhim，talkingbig，anddissertingDEOMNISCIBILI，totheancientBerlingentlemenovertheircups。AveryDictionaryofaman；whoknows，inamanner，allthings；andisbynomeansignorantthatheknowsthem:WouldnotthismansuithisMajesty？
thoughtGrumkow；andbroughthimtoMajesty，toreadtheNewspapersandexplaineverything。Dateisnotgiven，orhintedat；butincidentallywefindGundlinginfullblast"intheyear1718；"[VonLoen，KleineSchriften，i。201（citedinForster，i。260）。]andconcludehisinstalmentwasayearortwobefore。GundlingcametohisMajestyfromtheTap—roomofBoisterous—Jack；readtheNewspapers，andexplainedeverything:
suchaDictionary—in—breeches（muchgiventoliquor）ashisMajestyhadgot，wasneverseenbefore。Workingintotheman，hisMajesty，whohadagreattasteforsuchthings，discoveredinhimsuchminesofcollege—learning，court—learning，withoutend；
self—conceit，anddepthofappetite，notlessconsiderable:
infine，suchChaoticBlockheadismwiththeconsciousnessofbeingWisdom，aswaswondroustobehold，——asfilledhisMajesty，especially，withlaughterandjoyfulamazement。HereareminesofnativeDarknessandHumanStupidity，capableofbeingmadetophosphoresceandeffervesce，——aretherenot，yourMajesty？
OmniscientGundlingwasaprimeresourceintheTabagie，formanyyearstocome。Manwithsublimerstoresoflong—earedLearningandOmniscience；manmoredestituteofMother—wit，wasnowheretobemetwith。Aman，bankruptofMother—wit；——whohasSquanderedanypoorMother—withehadintheprocessofacquiringhissublimelong—earedOmniscience；andhasretainedonlydepthofappetite，——
appetiteforliquoramongotherthings，astheconsummationandbottomlesscesspoolofappetites:——isnotthisadiscoverywehavemade，inBoisterous—Jack’s，yourMajesty！
ThemanwasanEldoradoforthepeculiarquizzinghumorofhisMajesty；whotookimmensedelightinworkinghim，whenoccasionserved。Inthefirstyears，hehadtoattendhisMajestyonalloccasionsofamusement；ifyouinvitehisMajestytodinner，Gundlingtoomustbeoftheparty。Daily，otherwise，GundlingwasattheTabagie；gettingdrunk，ifnothingbetter。Veinaftervein，richinbroadfun（verybroadandBrobdignagian，suchassuitsthere），isdiscoveredinhim:withoutwithimself，butmuchthecauseofwit。NoneoftenershooktheTabagiewithinextinguishableHahas:daily，bystirringintohim，youcouldwrinkletheTabagieintogrimradianceofbanterandsilentgrins。
Heworesublimeclothes:FriedrichWilhelm，whomwesawdressuphisregimentalScavenger—ExecutionersinFrenchcostume，forCountRothenburg’sbehoof，madehastetoloadGundlingwithRathships，Kammerherrships，Titlessuchasfoolscovet；——gavehimtolerablepensionstoo，poordevil，andevenfunctions，iftheywereoftheimaginaryorbiginsignificantsort。Aboveallthings，hisMajestydressedhim，asthepinkoffortunateambitiouscourtiers。
Superfinescarletcoat，goldbuttonholes，black—velvetfacingsandembroiderieswithoutend:"straw—coloredbreeches；redsilkstockings，"withprobablyblueclockstothem，"andshoeswithredheels:"onhislearnedheadsatanimmensecloud—periwigofwhitegoat’s—hair（themannowgrowingtowardsfifty）；inthehataredfeather:——inthisguisehewalkedthestreets，thegoldKeyofKAMMERHERR（Chamberlain）conspicuouslyhangingathiscoat—breast；
andlookedproudlydownupontheworld，whensober。Alas，hewasoftennotsober；andfiendsinhumanshapewerereadyenoughtotakeadvantageofhisunguardedsituation。Nomansufferedrudertarring—and—feathering；——andhisonlycomfortwashisbanewithal，thathehad，undersuchconditions，theuseoftheroyalcellars，andcouldalwayscommandgoodliquorthere。
Hisillustriousscarletcoat，bytumblingsintheditch，soongotdirtytoadegree；andexposedhimtothebitingcensuresofhisMajesty，anxiousfortherespectabilityofhisHofraths。Oneday，twowickedCaptains，findinghimprostrateinsomeloneplace，cutoffhisKammerherrKEY；andprivatelygaveittohisMajesty。
Majesty，inTabagie，noticesGundling’scoat—breast:"WhereisyourKey，then，HerrKammerherr？""Hm，hah——unfortunatelylostit，IhroMajestat！"——"Lostit，sayyou？"andhisMajestylooksdreadfullygrave。——"Keylost？"thinksTabagie，graveSeckendorfincluded:"JARNI—BLEU，thatissomethingserious！""AsifaSoldierweretodrinkhismusket！"thinkshisMajesty:"Andwhatarethelaws，ifanignorantfellowisshot，andalearnedwiseoneescapes？"HereismatterforadeliberativeTabagie；andtopoorGundlingabadoutlook，fatalorshortoffatal。Hehadbetternotevendrinkmuch；butdispensewithconsolation，andkeephiswitsabouthim，tillthissquallpass。Aftermuchdeliberating，itisfoundthattheroyalclemencycanbeextended；
andanoutletdevised，underconditions。NextTabagie，aservantenterswithoneofthebiggesttraysintheworld，anduponita"WoodenKeygilt，aboutanelllong；"thisgiganticimplementissolemnlyhungroundtherepentantKammerherr；thisheshallwearpubliclyaspenance，andbeuponhisbehavior，tilltheroyalmindcanrelent。Figurethepoorblockheadtillthathappen！
"Onrecoveringhismetalkey，hegoestoasmith，andhasitfixedonwithwire。"
WhatGundlingthoughttohimself，amidthesepranksandhoaxings，wedonotknow。Thepoorsoulwasnotbornafool；thoughhehadbecomeone，bycollege—learning，vanity，strong—drink，andtheworld’sperversityandhisown。Undergoodguidance，especiallyifbredtostrictsilence，hemighthavebeeninsomemeasurealuminousobject，——notasnowaphosphorescentone，shiningbyitsmererottenness！Asad"CalamityofAuthors"indeed，whenitovertakesaman！——PoorGundlingprobablyhadlucidintervalsnowandthen；tragicfitsofdiscernment，intheinner—manofhim。
HehadaBrother，alsoalearnedman，whoretainedhissenses；
andwasevenaratherfamedProfessoratHalle；whosePortrait，lookingveryacademic，solemnandwell—to—do，turnsupinoldprintshops；whoseBooks，concerning"HenrytheFowler（DeHenricoAucupe），""KaiserConradI。，"andotherdimHistoricalobjects，arestillconsultable，——thoughwithlittleprofit，tomyexperience。ThenameofthisonewasNICOLAUS
HIERONYMUS；oursisJAKOBPAUL，theseniorbrother，——oncethehopeoftheHouse，itislikely，andafondFather’spride，——inthatpooroldNurnbergParsonagelongago！
JakobPaullikewisecontinuedtowriteBooks，onBrandenburgHeraldries，Topography，Genealogies:evena"LIFE"ortwoofsomeoldBrandenburgElectorsarestillextantfromhishand；butnotlookedatnowbyanymortal。Hehadbeen，perhapswasagain，HistoriographerRoyal；andfeltboundtowritesuchBooks:severalofthemheprinted；andwehearofothersstillmanuscript，"infivefoliovolumeswrittenfair。"Heheldinnumerablehalf—mockTitlesandOffices；amongothers，wasactualPresidentoftheBerlinRoyalSociety，orACADEMIEDESSCIENCES，Leibnitz’spetdaughter，——thereGundlingactuallysatinOffice；anddrewthesalary，foronecertainty。"Asgoodheasanother，"thoughtFriedrichWilhelm:"Whatistheuseofthesesolemnfellows，intheirbigperukes，withtheircrabbedXY’s，andscientiflcPedler’s—French；doingnothingthatIcansee，exceptannuallytheBerlinAlmanac，whichtheyliveupon？
Letthemliveuponit，andbethankful；withGundlingfortheirheadman。"
AcademyofSciencesmakesitsALMANAC，andsomepeculiumofprofitbyit；lecturesperhapsalittle"onAnatomy"（goodforsomething，that，inhisMajesty’smind）；butlanguishes——withoutencouragementduringthepresentreign。HashisMajestynoprizequestionstopropose，then？None，orworse。HeonceofficiallyputtheselearnedAssociatesuponascertainingforhim"WhyChampagnefoamed？"They，withahiddenveinofpleasantry，required"materialtoexperimentupon。"FriedrichWilhelmsentthemadozen，orcertaindozens；andthematterprovedinsolubletothisday。NoKing，scarcelyanyman，hadlessofreverencefortheSciencessocalled；forAcademicculture，andtheartoftheTalking—Schoolmasteringeneral！AKingobtusetothefineArts，especiallytothevocalArts，inahighdegree。Literaryfameitselfheregardsasmountebankfame；theartofwritingbigadmirablefoliosislittlebettertohimthanthatofvomitinglongcoilsofwonderfulribbon，fortheidlersofthemarket—place；andhebear—baitshisGundling，inthismanner，asphosphorescentblockheadofthefirstmagnitude，worthyofnothingbetter。
Nay，itisbutlately（1723theexactyear）thathedidhisever—memorablefeatinregardtoWolfandhisPhilosophy，atHalle。IllustriousWolfwasrecognized，atthattime，asthesecondgreaterLeibnitz，andHead—PhilosopherofNature，who"bymathematicalmethod"hadasitweretakenNatureinthefact，andilluminatedeverything，sothatwhosoeverranmightread，——whichallmannerofpeoplethentriedtodo，but，havenowquiteceasedtrying"bytheWolf—method:"——ImmortalWolf，somewhatofastiff，reservedhumor，inwardlyalittleproud，andnotwantinginprivatecontemptofthecontemptible，hadbeenaccusedofheterodoxybytheHalleTheologians。ImmortalWolf，croakilysatiricalwithal，hadofcoursedefendedhimself；andofcoursegotintoashorelessseaofcontroversywiththeHalleTheologians；pesteringhisMajestywithmerewars，andrumorsofwar，foralengthoftime，fromthatHalleUniversity。
[InBusching（Beitrage，i。l—140）isroughauthenticaccountofWolf，andespeciallyofallthat，——withseveralcuriousLETTERSofWolf’s。]SothatMajesty，unabletodistinguishtoporbottominsuchacoilofargument；ortodojusticeinthecase，howeverwillingandanxious，oftenpassionatelyasked:"What，inGod’sname，istherealtruthofit？"MajestyappointedCommissionstoinquire；readReports；
couldforalongwhilemakeoutnothingcertain。Atlastcameadecisiononthesudden；——royalmindsuddenlyilluminated，itisalittleuncertainhow。SomegivethecreditofittoGundling，whichisunlikely；othersto"TwoGenerals"ofpiouisorthodoxturn，acquaintedwithHalle；——andIhaveheardobscurelythatitwastheOldDessauer，whoalsoknewHalle；andwasnodoubtweariedtohearnothingtalkedoftherebutinjuredPhilosopherWolf，andinjuringTheologianLange，orVICEVERSA。Somepracticalmilitaryman，notgiventotakeupwithshadows，itlikeliestwas。
"InGod’sname，whatistherealtruthofallthat？"inquiredhisMajesty，ofthepracticalman:"DOESWolfteachhellishdoctrines；
asLangesays，orheavenly，ashimselfsays？""Teachesbabblemainly，Ishouldthink，andscientificPedler’sFrench，"intimatedthepracticalman:"Buttheysayhehasonedoctrineaboutoaths，andwhathecallsfoundationofduty，whichIdidnotlike。Notaheavenlydoctrinethat。Followoutthat，anyofyourMajesty’sgrenadiersmightdesert，andsayhehaddonenosinagainstGod！"
[Busching，i。8；Benekendorf，KarakterzilgeausdemLebenKonigFriedrichWilhelmI。（Anonymous，Berlin，1787），ii。23。]FriedrichWilhelmflewintoaparoxysmofhorror；
instantlyredactedbriefRoyalDecree[15thNovember（Buschingsays8th），1723。]（whichisstillextantamongthecuriositiesoftheUniverse），orderingWolftoquitHalleandthePrussianDominions，bagandbaggage，forevermore，withineighb—and—fortyhours，"BEYSTRAFEDESSTRANGES，underpainofthehalter！"
Halter:theHead—PhilosopherofNature，foundtoolate，willbehanged，asifhewereasheep—stealer；hanged，andnomistake！
PoorWolfgatheredhimselftogether，wifeandbaggage；girdeduphisloins；andranwiththeduedespatch。HeisnowfoundshelteredunderHessen—Darmstadt，atMarburg，professingsomethingthere；andalltheintellectoftheworldisstruckwithastonishment，andwithsilentorvocalpityforthepoorman。——
Itisbutfairtosay，FriedrichWilhelm，graduallytakingnoticeoftheworld’shumorinregardtothis，begantohavehisownmisgivings；anddeterminedtoreadsomeofWolf’sBooksforhimself。ReadinginWolf，hehadsensetodiscernthatherewasamanofundeniabletalentandintegrity；thatthePracticalMilitaryjudgment，loadingwiththeironramrod，hadshotwideofthemark，inthismatter；and，inshort，thatapalpablebitoffoul—playhadbeendone。Thiswasin1733；——tenyearsaftertheshot，whenhisMajestysaw，withhisowneyes，howwideithadgone。HeappliedtoWolfearnestly，morethanonce，tocomebacktohim:Halle，Frankfurt，anyPrussianUniversitywithavacancyinit，wasnowwideopentoWolf。ButWolfknewbetter:Wolf，withbowsdowntotheground，answeredalwaysevadingly；——andneverwouldcomebacktilltheNewReignbegan。
FriedrichWilhelmknewlittleofBook—learningorBook—writing；
andhisnotionofitisveryshockingtous。Butthefactis，Oreader，Book—writingisoftwokinds:onewise，andmaybeamongthewisestofearthlythings；theotherfoolish，sometimesfarbeyondwhatcanbereachedbyhumannatureelsewhere。
Blockheadism，Unwisdom，whilesilent，isreckonedbad；
butBlockheadismgettingvocal，abletospeakpersuasively，——haveyouconsideredthatatall？HumanOpacityfallingintoPhosphorescence；thatistosay，becomingluminous（toitselfandtomanymortals）bytheveryexcessofit，bytheveryburstingofitintoputridfermentation；——allotherformsofChaosarecosmicincomparison！——OurpoorFriedrichWilhelmhadseenonlyGundlingsamongtheBook—writingclass:hadheseenwiserspecimens，hemighthaveformed，ashedidinWolf’scase，anotherjudgment。
NayinregardtoGundlinghimself，itisobservablehow，withhisunutterablecontempt，heseemstonoticeinhimglimpsesoftheadmirable（suchacquirements，suchdictionary—faculties，thoughgonedistracted！），——andalmosthasakindoflovefortheabsurddog。Gundling’spensionsamounttosomethinglike150pounds；
animmensesuminthisCourt。[Forster，i。263，284（ifyoucanRECONCILEthetwopassages）。]Ablockheadadmirableinsomesorts；
andofimmenseresourceinTobaoco—Parliamentwhenbusinessisslack！——
Noendtothewildpranks，theHouyhnhnmhorse—playtheyhadwithdrunkenGundling。Hehasstaggeredoutinadrunkstate，andfound，ornotclearlyFOUNDtillthemorrow，youngbearslyinginhisbed；——hasfoundhisroom—doorwalledup；beenobligedtogropeabout，staggeringfromdoortodoorandfromporttoport，andlandultimatelyinthebigBears’den，whohuggedandsqueezedhiminhumanlythere。OnceatWusterhausen，staggeringblind—drunkoutoftheSchlosstowardshislair，thesentriesattheBridge（instigatedtoitbytheHouyhnhnms，wholookon）pretendtofastensomemilitaryblameonhim:Whyhasheomittedorcommittedso—and—so？Gundling’sdrunkanswerisunsatisfactory。"Arrest，HerrKammerrath，isittobethat，then！"Theyhustlehimabout，amongtheBearswhichlodgethere；——atlengththeylayhimhorizontallyacrosstworopes；——taketoswinginghimhitherandthither，upanddown，acrosstheblackAcheronticDitch，whichisfrozenover，itbeingthedeadofwinter:oneoftheropes，LOWER
rope，breaks；Gundlingcomessouseupontheicewithhissitting—part；breaksabigholeintheice，andscarcelywithlegs，armsandtheremainingrope，canbegotoutundrowned。
[Forster（i。254—280）；founding，Isuppose，onLebenundThatendesFreiherrnPaulvonGundling（Berlin，1795）；probablynotoneoftheexactestBiographies。]
If，withnaturalindignation，heshuthisdoor，andrefusetocometotheTabagie，theyknockinapanelofhisdoor；andforcehimoutwithcrackers，fire—works，rocketsandmalodorousprojectiles。
Oncethepoorblockhead，becominghumanforamoment，wentcleanaway；toHallewherehisBrotherwas，ortosomesaferplace:
butthedueinveiglements，sublimeapologies，increaseoftitles，salaries，wereused；andtheindispensablePhosphorescentBlockhead，andPresidentoftheAcademyofPedler’s—French，wasgotback。Drinkremainedalwaysashisconsolation；drink，andthedeathlessVolumeshewaswritingandprinting。Sublimereturnscametohim；——Kaiser’sPortraitsetindiamonds，ononeoccasion，——forhisPresentation—Copiesinhighquarters:immortalfame，isitnothisclearportion；stillmoreclearlyabundanceofgoodwine。FriedrichWilhelmdidnotlethimwantforTitles；——raisedhimatlasttothePeerage；drawingouttheDiplomaandArmorialBlazonry，inatrulyFriedrich—Wilhelmmanner，withhisownhand。
TheGundlings，invirtueofthetranscendentintellectandmeritsofthisFounderGundling，are，andareherebydeclaredtobe，ofBaronialdignitytothelastscionofthem；andin"allRITTER—RENNEN（Tournaments），Battles，Fights，Camp—pitchings，Sealings，Siguetings，shallandmayusetheabove—saidShieldofArms，"——ifitcanbeofanyadvantagetothem。APrussianMajestywhogivesus150poundsyearly，withboardandlodgingandtherunofhiscellar，andhonorssuchasthese，isnottobelightlysneezedaway，thoughofqueerhumorsnowandthen。ThehighestPersonages，aswesaid，morethanoncemadegiftstoGundling；
miniaturessetindiamonds；pursesofahundredducats:
evenGundling，itwasthought，mightthrowinaword，madorotherwise，whichwouldbearfruit。Itwassaidofhim，heneverspoketoharmanybodywithhisMajesty。Thepoorblown—upblockheadwasradicallynotill—natured，——atleast，ifyoulethis"phosphorescences"alone。
Butthegrandestexplosious，inTobacco—Parliament，wereproducible，whenyougotTwoliteraryfools；and，asifwithLeyden—jars，positiveandnegative，broughttheirvanitiestobearononeanother。Thissometimeshappened，whenTobacbo—Parliamentwasinluck。FriedrichWilhelmhadavarietyofMerry—AndrewRathsoftheGundlingsort，thoughnoneevercameuptoGundling，orapproachedhim，inworthasaMerry—Andrew。
HerrFassmann，whowroteBooks，byPatronageorfortheLeipzigBooksellers，andwanderedabouttheworldasastarorcometofsomemagnitude，isnotmuchknowntomyreaders:——butheistoowellknowntome，forcertaindarkBooksofhiswhichIhavehadtoread。[LifeofFriedrichWilhelm，
occasionallycitedhere；LifeofAugusttheStrong；
&c。]AverydimLiteraryFigure；undeniable，indecipherableHumanFact，ofthosedays；nowfallenquiteextinctandobsolete；hisgarniture，equipment，environmentallverydarktous。Probablyatoorestless，imponderouscreature，toomuchoftheGundlingtype；structureofhimGASEOUS，notsolid；Perhapsalittleofthecoxcombnaturally；muchofthesycophantoncompulsion，——beingsorelyjammedintocorners，andwithoutelbow—roomatall，inthisworld。Has，fortherest，arecognizabletalentfor"Magazinewriting，"——forNewspaperediting，hadthatrichmine，"CaliforniaoftheSpirituallyVagabond，"beenopenedinthosedays。PoorextinctFassmann，onediscoversatlastaveinofweakgenialityinhim；hereandthere，realhumansenseandeyesight，underthosestrangeconditions；
andhispoorBooks，rottednowtoinanity，haveleftasmallseed—pearlortwo，totheearnestreader。Alas，ifheWAStobecome"spirituallyvagabond"（"spiritually"andotherwise），mightitnotperhapsbewholesometohimthattheCaliforniawasNOTdiscovered？——
FassmannwasbynomeanssuchafoolasGundling；but，hewasmuchofafooltoo。HehadcometoBerlin，aboutthistime，[1726，ashehimselfsays（suprap。8）。]inhopesofpatronagefromtheKingorsomebody；mightsaytohimself，"SurelyIamabettermanthanGundling，iftheBerlinCourthaseyesight。"BytheKing，onsomewiseGeneral’srecommendingit，hewas，asapreliminary，introducedtotheTabagieatleast。HereisthecelebratedGundling；thereisthecelebratedFassmann。PositiveLeyden—jar，withnegativecloseby:ineachofthesetwomenlodgesafull—chargedfieryelectricvirtueofself—conceit；destructiveeachoftheother；——couldaconductorbediscovered。
Conductorsarediscoverable，conductorsarenotwanting；andmanyaretheexplosionsbetweenthesemutually—destructivehumanvarieties；——welcomedwithhilarious，rathervacant，hugehorse—laughter，inthisTobacco—ParliamentandSynodoftheHouyhnhnms。
Ofwhichtakethisacme；andthenend。Fassmann，afellownotwithoutsarcasmandsharpness，asyoumaystillsee，hasoneeveningprovokedGundlingtothetranscendentpitch，——tillwordsareweak，andonlyactionwillanswer。Gundling，driventotheexplodingpoint，suddenlyseizeshisDutchsmoking—pan，ofpeat—charcoalashesandred—hotsand；anddashesitinthefaceofFassmann；whoisofcoursedreadfullyastonishedthereby，andhasgothisveryeyebrowsburnt，nottospeakofotherinjuries。
Standtohim，Fassmann！Fassmannstandstohimtightly，beingthebettermanaswellasthemoresatirical；graspsGundlingbythecollar，wrencheshimabout，layshimatlastoverhisknee，sitting—partuppermost；slapssaidsitting—part（poorsitting—partthathadbrokentheiceofWusterhausen）withthehotpan，——naysomesay，stripsitandslaps。Amidtheinextinguishablehorse—laughter（sincerebutvacant）oftheHouyhnhnmOlympus。
Afterwhich，hisMajesty，asepiloguetosuchplay，suggests，Thatfeatsofthatnatureareunseemlyamonggentlemen；thatwhengentlemenhaveaquarrel，thereisanotherwayofsettlingit。
FassmannthereuponchallengesGundling；Gundlingaccepts；timeandplacearesettled，pistolstheweapon。AttheappointedtimeandplaceGundlingstands，accordingly，pistolinhand；butatsightofFassmann，throwshispistolaway；willnotshootanyman，norhaveanymanshoothim。Fassmannsternlyadvances；shootshispistol（powdermerely）intoGundling’ssublimegoat’s—hairwig:
wigblazesintoflame；Gundlingfallsshrieking，adeadman，totheearth；andtheyquenchandrevivehimwithabucketofwater。
Wasthereeverseensuchhorse—play？Roaringlaughter，huge，rude，andsomewhatvacant，asthatoftheNorsegodsovertheiraleatYuletime；——asifthefaceoftheSphinxweretowrinkleitselfinlaughter；orthefabulousHouyhnhnmsthemselvesweretheretomockintheirpeculiarfashion。
HisMajestyatlengthgaveGundlingawine—cask，dulyfigured；
"paintedblackwithawhitecross，"whichwastostandinhisroomasMEMENTO—MORI，andbehiscoffin。Itstoodfortenyears；
Gundlingoftensittingtowriteinit；agoodscreenagainstdraughts。Andthepoormonsterwasactuallyburiedinthiscask；
[Died11thApril，1731，age58:descriptionoftheBurial"atBornstadtnearPotsdam，"inForster，i。276。]Fassmannpronouncingsomefuneraloration，——andtheorthodoxclergyuttering，fromthedistance，onlyamutegroan。"TheHerrBaronvonGundlingwasamanofmanydignities，ofmuchBook—learning；amanofgreatmemory，"admitsFassmann，"butofnojudgment，"insinuateshe，——
LOOKINGFORtheJudgment（EXPECTANSJUDICIUM），"saysFassmann，withapleasantwit。Fassmannsucceededtoalltheemolumentsandhonors；butdidnotholdthem；preferredtorunawaybeforelong:
andafterhimcameoneandtheother，whomthereaderisnottobetroubledwithhere。Enoughifthepatientreaderhaveseen，alittle，intothatbackgroundofFriedrichWilhelm’sexistence；
and，forthedidacticpart，havecaughtuphisrealviewsorinstinctsuponSpiritualPhosphorescence，orStupiditygrownVocal，whicharemuchsounderthanmostofussuspect。
ThesewerethesportsoftheTobacco—Parliament；anditwasalwaysmeantprimarilyforsport，forrecreation:butthereisnodoubtithadaseriousfunctionaswell。"Businessmatters，"addsBeneckendorf，whohadmeansofknowing，[Benekendorf，
Karakterzuge，i。137—149；vi。37。]"wereoftenasubjectofcolloquyintheTABAKS—COLLEGIUM。Notthattheyweretherefinishedoff，decidedupon，ormeanttobeso。ButFriedrichWilhelmoftenpurposelybroughtupsuchthingsinconversationthere，thathemightlearnthedifferentopinionsofhisgeneralsandchiefmen，withouttheirobservingit，"——andsomightprofitbytheCollectiveWisdom，inshort。
ChapterVIII。
SECKENDORF’SRETORTTOHERMAJESTY。
TheTreatyofWusterhausenwasnotyetknowntoQueenSophie，toherFatherGeorge，ortoanyexternalcreature:butthatopenflinching，andgradualwithdrawal，fromtheTreatyofHanoverwastoowellknown；andbodednogoodtoherpetproject。Femalesighs，maleobduracies，andotherdomesticphenomena，aretobeimaginedinconsequence。"AgrandBritannicMajestyindeed；
veryloftyFathertous，Madam，eversincehecametobeKingofEngland:Stalkingalongthere，withhisnoseintheair；
notdeigningtheleastnoticeofus，exceptasofathingthatmaybegottofightforhim！AndhedoesnotsigntheDouble—MarriageTreaty，Madam；onlytalksofsigningit，——asifwewereastarvedcoach—horse，tobequickenedalongbyawispofhayputuponthecoach—polecloseaheadofusalways！"——"JARNI—BLEU！"snufflesSeckendorfwithavirtuouszeal，orlooksit；andthingsarenotpleasantattheroyaldinner—table。
ExcellenzSeckendorf，wefindatthistime，"oftenhashisMajestytodinner:"andsuchdinners；fittingone’stastesinallpoints，——noexpenseregarded（whichindeedistheKaiser’s，ifweknewit）！Andinreturn，ExcellenzisfrequentlyatdinnerwithhisMajesty；wheretheconversation；ifitturnonEngland，whichoftenhappens，ismoreandmoreanoffencetoQueenSophie。
Seckendorfstudiestobepolite，reservedbeforetheQueen’sMajestyatherowntable；yetsometimeshelispsout，inhisvilesnufflingtone，half—insinuations，remarksonourRoyalKindred，whichareirritatingintheextreme。QueenSophie，thepolitestofwomen，didonce，saysPollnitz，onsomeexcessivepressureofthatlispingsnufflingunendurability，loseherroyalpatienceandflameout。Withhumanfrankness，anduncommonlykindledeyes，shesignifiedtoSeckendorf，ThatnonewhowasnothimselfakindofscoundrelcouldentertainsuchthoughtsofKingsandgentlemen！
Whichhardsayingkindledthestiff—backedrheumaticsoulofSeckendorf（Excellenzhadwithalatemperinhim，fardowninthedeeps）；whoanswered:"YourMajesty，thatiswhatnooneelsethinksofme。ThatisanameIhaveneverpermittedanyonetogivemewithimpunity。"Andverily，hekepthisthreatinthatlatterpoint，saysPollnitz。[ii。244。]
Atthisstage，itisbecoming，inthenatureofthings，unlikelythattheprojectedDouble—Marriage，oranyunionwithEngland，caneverrealizeitselfforQueenSophieandherHouse。TheKaiserhasdecreedthatitnevershall。HereistheKingalreadyirritated，grownindisposedtoit；hereistheKaiser’sSeckendorf，withpreternaturalApparatus，cometomaintainhiminthathumor。
ToQueenSophieherself，whosawonlytheoutsideofSeckendorfandhisApparatus，thematterdoubtlessseemedbigwithdifficulties；buttous，whoseetheinterior，thedifficultiesareplainlyhopeless。UnlesstheKaiser’smindchange，unlessmanyfixedthingschange，theDouble—Marriageisimpossible。
Onethingonlyisasorrow；andthisprovedanimmeasurableone:
Thattheydidnot，thatQueenSophiedidnot，insuchcase，franklygiveitup:Double—MarriageisnotalawofNature；itisonlyaprojectatHanoverthathasgoneoffagain。TherewillbealifeforourCrown—Prince，andPrincess，withoutamarriagewithEngland！—Itisgreatlywisetorecognizetheimpossible，theunreasonablydifficult，whenitpresentsitself:butwhoofmenisthere，muchmorewhoofwomenthatcanalwaysdoit？
QueenSophieDorotheewillhavethisDouble—Marriage，anditshallbepossible。PourLady，shewasveryobstinate；andherHusbandwasveryarbitrary。AroughbearofaHusband，yetbynomeansanunlovingone；aHusbandwhomighthavebeenmanaged。Sheevidentlymadeagreatmistakeindecidingnottoobeythisman；asshehadoncevowed。ByperfectpromptobedienceshemighthavehadaverytolerablelifewiththeruggedOrsonfallentoherlot；whowasaveryhonest—heartedcreature。Shemighthavedoneaprettystrokeoffemalework，withal，intamingherOrson；mighthaveledhimbythemuzzlefarenoughinaprivateway，——byobedience。
Butbydisobedience，byrebellionopenorsecret？FriedrichWilhelmwasaHusband；FriedrichWilhelmwasaKing；andthemostimperativemanthenbreathing。DisobediencetoFriedrichWilhelmwasathingwhich，inthePrussianState，stillmoreintheBerlinSchlossandvitalheartofsaidState，thelawsofHeavenandofEarthhadnotpermitted，foranyman’soranywoman’ssake，tobe。
ThewideoverarchingskylooksdownonnomoreinflexibleSovereignManthanhiminthered—collaredbluecoatandwhiteleggings，withthebambooinhishand。Apeaceable，capacious，notill—givenSovereignMan，ifyouwilllethimhavehisway。Buttobarhisway；totweakthenoseofhissovereignroyalty，andignominiouslyforcehimintoanotherway:thatisanenterprisenomanordevil，orbodyofmenordevils，needattempt。
SeckendorfandGrumkow，inTobacco—Parliament，understanditbetter。Thatattemptisimpossible，onceforall。ThefirststepinsuchattemptwillrequiretobeassassinationofFriedrichWilhelm；foryoumaydependonit，royalSophie，solongasheisalive，thefeatcannotbedone。OroyalSophie，OprettyFeekin，whatabusinessyouaremakingofit！
Theyear1726wasthroughoutatroublousonetoQueenSophie。
Seckendorf’sadvent；KingGeorge’smanifestoing；alarmofimminentuniversalWar，naysputtersofitactuallybeginning（GibraltarinvestedbytheSpaniards，readyforbesieging，itissaid）:
norwasthisall。Sophie’spoorMother，worntoatragicMegaera，lockedsolongintheCastleofAhlden，hastakenupwildplansofoutbreak，ofescapebymeansofsecretaries，moneysintheBankofAmsterdam，andIknownotwhat；withallwhichSophie，correspondingindoubleandtriplemystery，hasherownterrorsandsorrows，tryingtokeepitdown。Andnow，inthedepthoftheyear，thepooroldMothersuddenlydies。[13thNovember，1726:
MemoirsofSophiaDorothea，ConsortofGeorgeI。（i。386），——wherealaosomeofherconcludingLetters（"edited"asifbytheNightmares）canberead，butnexttonosensemadeofthem。]Burntoutinthismanner，shecollapsesintoashesandlongrest；closingsohernamelesstragedyofthirtyyears’continuance:——whataBluebeard—chamberinthemindofSophie！NaythererisequarrelsabouttheHeritageoftheDeceased，whichwillproveanothersorrow。
ENDOFBOOKV
HistoryofFriedrichIIofPrussiaV6
byThomasCarlyleCarlyle’s"HistoryofFriedrichIIofPrussia"
BOOKVI。
DOUBLE—MARRIAGEPROJECT，ANDCROWN—PRINCE，GOINGADRIFTUNDERTHESTORM—WINDS。
1727—1730。
ChapterI。
FIFTHCRISISINTHEKAISER’SSPECTRE—HUNT。
TheCrown—Prince’syoungLifebeing，byperversechance，involvedandasitwereabsorbedinthatfoolishquestionofhisEnglishMarriage，wehavenothingforitbuttocontinueoursadfunction；
andgoonpainfullyfishingout，andreducingtoanauthenticform，whattracesofhimthereare，fromthatdisastrousbeggarlyelement，——tilloncehegetfreeofit，eitherdeadoralive。
TheWINDS（partlybyArt—Magic）risetothehurricanepitch，uponthisMarriageProjectandhim；andasforthesea，orgeneraltideofEuropeanPolitics——Butletthereaderlookwithhisowneyes。
Inthespringof1727，War，asanticipated，breaksout；SpaniardsactuallybeginbatteringatGibraltar；Kaiser’sAmbassadoratLondonisangrilyorderedtobegone。Causesofwarweremany:
1。DukedeRipperda——tumbledoutnow，thatillustriousdiplomaticbulldog，atMadrid——soughtasylumintheEnglishAmbassador’shouse；andnorespectwashadtosuchasylum:thatisonecause。
2。Then，youEnglish，whatisthemeaningofthesewar—fleetsintheWestIndies；intheMediterranean，ontheverycoastofSpain？
Wedemandthatyouatoncetakethemhomeagain:——whichcannotbecompliedwith。3。Butaboveallthings，wedemandGibraltarofyou:——whichcanstilllessbecompliedwith。TermagantElizabethhassetherheartonGibraltar:that，insuchopportunityasthisunexpectedconditionoftheBalancesnowgivesher，istherealcauseoftheWar。
CessionofGibraltar:therehadbeenvaguepromises，yearsago，ontheKaiser’spart；nayGeorgehimself，rawtoEnglandatthatdate，issaidtohavethoughtthethingmightperhapsbedone。——
Doitatonce，then！"saidtheTermagantQueen，andrepeated，withevermoreemphasis；——andtherebeingnottheleastcompliance，shehasopenedparallelsbeforetheplace，andbegunwarandardentfiringthere；[22dFebruary，1727（Scholl，ii。212）。Salmon，ChronologicalHistorian（London，1747；
averyincorrectdarkBook，usefulonlyindefectofbetter），ii。173。Coxe，MemoirsofWalpole，i。260，261；ii。498—515。]precededbyprotocols，debatesinParliament；
andtheusualphenomena。ItistheFifthgrandCrisisintheKaiser’sspectre—huntings；fifthchangeinthecoloroftheworld—lobstergettingboiledinthatsingularmanner；——SecondSputterofactualWar。
Whichprovedfutilealtogether；andamountsnow，inthehumanmemory；toflatzero，——unlessthefollowinginfinitesimallysmallfractionbecountableagain:——
"SputteringofWar；thatistosay，SiegeofGibraltar。Asiegeutterlyunmemorable，andwithouttheleastinterest，forexistingmankindwiththeirungratefulhumor，——ifitbenot；oncemore，thattheFatherofTRISTRAMSHANDYwasinit:stillaLieutenantoffoot，poorfellow；brisk，small，hot—tempered，loving，’liabletobecheatedtentimesadayifninewillnotsufficeyou。’
HewasinthisSiege；shippedtotheRocktomakestandthere；
andwouldhavedonesowiththeboldest，——onlyhegotintoduel（hot—tempered，thoughoflamb—likeinnocence），andwasrunthroughthebody；notentirelykilled，butwithinahair’sbreadthofit；
andunableforservicewhilethissputteringwenton。LittleLorryisstillliving；gonetoschoolinYorkshire，afterpranksenough，andmisventures，——half—drowning’inthemill—raceatAnnamoeinIreland，’forone。[LaurenceSterne’sAutobiography（citedabove）。]ThepoorLieutenantFatherdied，soldieringintheWestIndies；soonafterthis；andweshallnotmentionhimagain。ButHistoryoughttorememberthatheis’UncleToby，’thispoorLieutenant，andtakehermeasures！——TheSiegeofGibraltar，westillseewithoureyes，wasinitselfNothing。"
TrulyitmightwellenoughhavegrowntouniversalflameofWar。
Butthisalwaysneedstwoparties；andpacificGeorgewouldnotbesecondpartyinit。George，guidedbypacificWalpole，backedbypacificFleury，answerstheardentfiringbyphlegmaticpatienceandprotocolling；notbycounter—firing，exceptquiteathisconvenience，fromprivateers，fromwar—shipshereandthere，andinsulkydefencefromGibraltaritself。ProbablytheTermagant，withallthefireshehas，willnotdomuchdamageuponGibraltar？
SuchwasGeorge’shope。Wherebytheflameofwar，ardentonlyincertainSpanishbatteriesuponthepointofSanRoque，doesnotspreadhitherto，——thoughallmortals，andFriedrichWilhelmasmuchasany，canseetheimminentlikelihoodthereis。Insuchcircumstances，whatastrokeofpolicytohavedisjoinedFriedrichWilhelmfromtheHanoverAlliance，andbroughthimovertoourown！IsnotGrumkowworthhispension？"Grumkowserveshonorably。"
LettheinvaluableSeckendorfpersevere。
CROWN—PRINCESEENINDRYASDUST’SGLASS，DARKLY。
ToknowthespecialfigureoftheCrown—Prince’swayoflifeinthoseyears，whohisfriends，companionswere，whathispursuitsandexperiences，wouldbeagreeabletous；butbeyondtheoutlinealreadygiven，thereislittledefiniteonrecord。HenowresideshabituallyatPotsdam，betheCourtthereornot；attendingstrictlytohismilitarydutiesintheGiantRegiment；itisonlyonoccasion，chieflyperhapsin"Carnivaltime，"thathegetstoBerlin，topartakeinthegayetiesofsociety。WhohisassociatesthereoratPotsdamwere？Suhm，theSaxonResident，acultivatedmanofliteraryturn，famedashisfriendintimecoming，isalreadyathisdiplomaticpostinBerlin，postofdifficultyjustnow；butIknownotwhethertheyhaveyetanyintimacy。[Preuss，FriedrichmitseinenVerwandtenundFreunden，p。24。]
Thiswedoknow，theCrown—Princebeginstobenotedforhissprightlysense，hisloveofliterature，hisingenuousways；
intheCourtorothercircles，whatsoeverhasintelligenceattractshim，andisattractedbyhim。TheRoucoullesSoirees，——
gonealltodimbackramforus，thoughoncesolivelyintheirhighperiwigsandspeculations，——fallonWednesday。WhentheFinkensteinortheothersfall，——nodoubthisRoyalHighnessknowsit。IntheTABAKS—COLLEGIUM，therealso，drivenbyduty，hesometimesappears；but，likeSeckendorfandsomeothers，heonlyaffectstosmoke，andhispipeismerewhiteclay。Noristhesocialelement，anymorethanthenarcoticvaporwhichprevailsthere，attractivetotheyoungPrince，——thoughhehadbetterhidehisfeelingsonthesubject。
OutatPotsdam，again，lifegoesveryheavy；thewingedPsychemuchimprisonedinthatpipe—clayelement，apreytovacancyandmanytediumsandlongings。Dailyreturnthegiantdrill—duties；
anddaily，totheuttermostofrigorousperfection，theymustbedone:——"This，then，isthesumofone’sexistence，this？"
Patience，young"manofgenius，"astheNewspaperswouldnowcallyou；itisindispensablybeneficialnevertheless！Toswallowone’sdisgusts，anddofaithfullytheuglycommandedwork，takingnocouncilwithfleshandblood:knowthat"genius，"everywhereinNature，meansthisfirstofall；thatwithoutthis，itmeansnothing，generallyevenless。AndbethankfulforyourPotsdamgrenadiersandtheirpipe—clay！——
HappilyhehashisBooksabouthim；hisflute:Duhan，too，ishere，stillmoreorlessdidacticinsomebranches；
alwaysinstructiveandcompanionable，tohim。
TheCrown—Princereadsagreatdeal；verymanyFrenchBooks，newandold，hereads；amongthenew，weneednotdoubt，the
HenriadeofM。ArouetJunior（whonowcallshimselfVOLTAIRE），whichhasrisenlikeastarofthefirstmagnitudeintheseyears。[London，1723，insurreptitiousincompletestate，LaLiguethetitle；thenatlength，London，1726，asHenriade，insplendid4to，——bysubscription（King，PrinceandPrincessofWalesatthetopofit），whichyielded8，000pounds:seeVoltaire，OEuvresCompletes，xiii。408。]Anincomparablepiece，patronizedbyRoyaltyinEngland；thedelightofallkindredCourts。Thelightdancingmarchofthisnew"Epic，"andthebriskclashofcymbalmusicaudibleinit，had，aswefindafterwards，greatlycaptivatedtheyoungman。Allisnotpipe—clay，then，andtorpidformalism；aloftfromthemurkofcommonplaceriseglancingsofastarrysplendor，betokening——oh，howmuch！
OutofBooks，rumorsandexperiences，youngimaginationisformingtoitselfsomePictureoftheWorldasitis，asithasbeen。
Thecurtainsofthisstrangelife—theatrearemounting，mounting，——wondrouslyasinthecaseofallyoungsouls；butwithwhatspecialties，moodsorphenomenaoflightandshadow，tothisyoungsoul，isnotinanypointrecordedforus。The"earlyLetterstoWilhelmina，whichexistingreatnumbers，"fromthesewehadhopedelucidation:butthesethelearnedEditorhas"whollywithheldasuseless，"forthepresent。Letthembecarefullypreserved，onthechanceofsomebody’sarisingtowhomtheymayhaveuses！——
TheworstfeatureoftheseyearsisFriedrichWilhelm’sdiscontentwiththem。ACrown—PrincesadlyoutoffavorwithPapa。Thishaslongbeenonthegrowinghand；andtheseDouble—Marriagetroubles，nottomentionagainthenew—fangledFrenchtendencies（BLITZ
FRANZOSEN！），muchaggravatethematter，andaccelerateitsrateofgrowth。Alreadythepaternalcountenancedoesnotshineuponhim；
flamesoften；andthunders，toashockingdegree；——andworsedaysarecoming。
ChapterII。
DEATHOFGEORGEI。
Gibraltarstillkeepssputtering；ardentineffectualbombardmentfromtheoneside，sulky，heavyblastofresponsenowandthenfromtheother:butthefiredoesnotspread；norwill，wemayhope。Itistrue，SwedenandDenmarkhavejoinedtheTreatyofHanover，thisspring；andhavetroopsonfoot，andmoneypaidthem；ButGeorgeispacific；Gibraltarisimpregnable；lettheSpaniardsspendtheirpowderthere。
AsfortheKaiser，heisdreadfullypoor；inaptforbattlehimself。AndintheendofthissameMay，1727，wehear，hisprincipalally，CzarinaCatherine，hasdied；——poorbrownlittlewoman，Lithuanianhousemaid，RussianAutocrat，itisnowallone；
——deadshe，andcandonothing。ProbablytheKaiserwillsitstill？TheKaisersitsstill；witheyesbentonGibraltar，orrollingingraudImperialinquiryandanxietyroundtheworld；
war—outlooksmuchdimmedforhimsincetheendofMay。
Alas，intheendofJune，whatfarotherJob’s—postisthisthatreachesBerlinandQueenSophie？ThatGeorgeI。，herroyalFather，hassuddenlysunkdead！WiththeSolstice，orSummerpauseoftheSun，21stor22dJune，almostuncertainwhich，theMajestyofGeorgeI。didlikewisepause，——inhiscarriage，ontheroadtoOsnabruck，——nevertomovemore。Whereupon，amongthesimplePeople，aroserumorsofomens，preternaturalisms，forandagainst:
HowhisdesperateMegaeraofaWife，intheactofdying，hadsummonedhim（aswaspresumable），toappearalongwithherattheGreatJudgment—Barwithinyearandday；andhowhehasheredoneit。Ontheotherhand，somewouldhaveitnoted，How"thenightingalesinHerrenhausenGardenshadallceasedsingingfortheyear，thatnighthedied，"——outofloyaltyonthepartoftheselittlebirds，itseemedpresumable。[SeeKohler，
Munzbelustigungen，x。88。]
Whatweknowis，hewasjourneyingtowardsHanoveragain，hopefulofalittlehuntingattheGorhde；andintendedseeingOsnabruckandhisBrothertheBishopthere，ashepassed。Thatday，21stJune，1727，fromsomefeelingsofhisown，hewasingreathasteforOsnabruck；hurryingalongbyextra—post，withoutrealcausesavehurryofmind。HehadlefthispooroldMaypoleofaMistressontheDutchFrontier，thatmorning，tofollowatmoreleisure。
Hewasstruckbyapoplexyontheroad，——armfallenpowerless，earlyintheday，headdimandheavy；obviouslyanalarmingcase。
Butherefusedtostopanywhere；refusedanysurgerybutsuchascouldbedoneatonce。"Osnabruck！Osnabruck！"hereiterated，growingvisiblyworse。TwosubalternHanoverOfficials，"Privy—CouncillorvonHardenberg，KAMMERHERR（Chamberlain）vonFabrice，wereinthecarriagewithhim；"[Gottfried，
HistorischeChronik（Frankfurt，1759），iii。872。
Boyer，ThePoliticalStateofGreatBritain，
vol。xxxiii。pp。545，546。]Kingchieflydozing，andatlastsupportedinthearmsofFabrice，washeardmurmuring，"C’ESTFAIT
DEMOI（’Tisalloverwithme）！"And"Osnabruck！Osnabruck！"
slumberouslyreiteratedhe:ToOsnabruck，wheremypooroldBrother，Bishopastheycallhim，oncealittleBoythattrottedatmykneewithblitheface，willhavesomehumanpityonme！
Sotheyrushedalongallday，asatthegallop，hisfewattendantsandhe；andwhentheshadesofnightfell，andspeechhadnowleftthepoorman，hestillpassionatelygaspedsomegurgleofasoundlike"Osnabruck；"——hanginginthearmsofFabrice，andnowevidentlyinthearticleofdeath。Whatagallop，sweepingthroughtheslumberoftheworld:ToOsnabruck，Osnabruck！
Inthehollowofthenight（somesay，oneinthemorning），theyreachOsnabruck。AndthepooroldBrother，——ErnstAugust，onceyoungestofsixbrothers，ofsevenchildren，nowtheonesurvivor，hashumanpityintheheartofhimfullsurely。ButGeorgeisdead；carelessofitnow。[Coxe（i。266）is"indebtedtohisfriendNathanielWraxall"forthesedetails，——thesincefamousSirNathaniel，inwhoseMemoirs（vague，butNOT
mendacious，notunintelligent）theyarenowpublishedmoreatlarge。SeehisMemoirsoftheCourtsofBerlin，Dresden，&c。（London。1799），i。35—40；also
HistoricalMemoirs（London，1836），iv。516—518。]
Aftersixty—sevenyearsofit，hehasflunghisbigburdens，——
Englishcrowns，Hanoveriancrownlets，sulkinesses，indignations，leanwomenandfat，andearthlycontradictionsandconfusions，——
fairlyoffhim；andliesthere。
Themanhadhisbigburdens，bighonorssocalled，absurdenoughsomeofthem，inthisworld；butheborethemwithacertaingravityanddiscretion:amanofmoreprobity，insightandgeneralhumanfacultythanhenowgetscreditfor。Hiswordwassacredtohim。HehadthecourageofaWelf，orLion—Man；quietlyroyalinthatrespectatleast。Hissenseofequity，ofwhatwastrueandhonorableinmenandthings，remaineduneffacedtoarespectabledegree；andsurelyithadresistedmuch。Wilderpuddleofmuddyinfatuationsfromwithoutandfromwithin，ifweconsideritwell，——ofirreconcilableincoherences，bottomlessuniversalhypocrisies，solecismsbredwithhimandimposedonhim，——fewsonsofAdamhadhithertolivedin。
Hewas，inoneword，thefirstofourHanoverSeriesofEnglishKings；thathithertouniquesort，whoarereallystrangetolookatintheHistoryoftheWorld。Ofwhom，intheEnglishannals，thereishithertonoPicturetobehad；nothingbutanemptyblurofdiscordantnonsenses，andidle，generallyangry，flourishingsofthepen，bywayofPicture。TheEnglishNation，havingflungitsoldPuritan，Sword—and—BibleFaithintothecesspool，——orratherhavingsetitsoldBible—Faith，MINUSanySword，wellupintheorgan—loft，withplentyofrevenue，theretopreachandorganatdiscretion，onconditionalwaysofmeddlingwithnobody’spracticefarther，——thoughtthesame（suchtheirmistake）amightyprettyarrangement；butfoundithitchbeforelong。TheyhadtothrowouttheirbeautifulNell—GwynnDefendersoftheFaith；
flingthemalsointothecesspool；andwereratheratalosswhatnexttodo。"WhereisourrealKing，then？WhoIStoleadusHeavenward，then；torallythenobleofustohim，insomesmallmeasure，andsavetherestandtheiraffairsfromrunningDevilward？"——TheEnglishNationbeinginsomedifficultyastoKings，theEnglishNationclutchedupthereadiestthatcametohand；"HereisourKing！"saidthey，——againundermistake，stillundertheiroldmistake。And，whatwassingular，theythenavengedthemselvesbymocking，calumniating，byangrilyspeaking，writingandlaughingatthepoormistakenKingsoclutched！——ItishightimetheEnglishwerecandidlyaskingthemselves，withverygreatseriousnessindeed，WHATitwastheyhaddone，inthesightofGodandman，onthatandtheprioroccasion？Andaboveall，Whatitistheywillnowproposetodointhesequelofit！Diggold—nuggets，andrallytheIGnobleofus？——