THEfirstrayoflightwhichilluminesthegloom,andconvertsintoadazzlingbrilliancythatobscurityinwhichtheearlierhistoryofthepubliccareeroftheimmortalPickwickwouldappeartobeinvolved,isderivedfromtheperusalofthefollowingentryintheTransactionsofthePickwickClub,whichtheeditorofthesepapersfeelsthehighestpleasureinlayingbeforehisreaders,asaproofofthecarefulattention,indefatigableassiduity,andnicediscrimination,withwhichhissearchamongthemultifariousdocumentsconfidedtohimhasbeenconducted。
May12,1827。JosephSmiggers,Esq。,P。V。P。M。P。C。,1presiding。Thefollowingresolutionsunanimouslyagreedto:——
ThatthisAssociationhasheardread,withfeelingsofunmingledsatisfaction,andunqualifiedapproval,thepapercommunicatedbySamuelPickwick,Esq。,G。C。M。P。C。,2entitled`SpeculationsontheSourceoftheHampsteadPonds,withsomeObservationsontheTheoryofTittlebats。’andthatthisAssociationdoesherebyreturnitswarmestthankstothesaidSamuelPickwick,Esq。,G。C。M。P。C。,forthesame。
ThatwhilethisAssociationisdeeplysensibleoftheadvantageswhichmustaccruetothecauseofsciencefromtheproductiontowhichtheyhavejustadverted,——nolessthanfromtheunweariedresearchesofSamuelPickwick,Esq。,G。C。M。P。C。,inHornsey,Highgate,Brixton,andCamberwell,——theycannotbutentertainalivelysenseoftheinestimablebenefitswhichmustinevitablyresultfromcarryingthespeculationsofthatlearnedmanintoawiderfield,fromextendinghistravels,andconsequentlyenlarginghissphereofobservation,totheadvancementofknowledge,andthediffusionoflearning。
That,withtheviewjustmentioned,thisAssociationhastakenintoitsseriousconsiderationaproposal,emanatingfromtheaforesaidSamuelPickwick,Esq。,G。C。M。P。C。,andthreeotherPickwickians,hereinafternamed,forforminganewbranchofUnitedPickwickians,underthetitleofTheCorrespondingSocietyofthePickwickClub。
ThatthesaidproposalhasreceivedthesanctionandapprovalofthisAssociation。
ThattheCorrespondingSocietyofthePickwickClubisthereforeherebyconstituted。andthatSamuelPickwick,Esq。,G。C。M。P。C。,TracyTupman,Esq。,M。P。C。,AugustusSnodgrass,Esq。,M。P。C。,andNathanielWinkle,Esq。,M。P。C。,areherebynominatedandappointedmembersofthesame。andthattheyberequestedtoforward,fromtimetotime,authenticatedaccountsoftheirjourneysandinvestigations,oftheirobservationsofcharacterandmanners,andofthewholeoftheiradventures,togetherwithalltalesandpaperstowhichlocalsceneryorassociationsmaygiverise,tothePickwickClub,stationedinLondon。
ThatthisAssociationcordiallyrecognisestheprincipleofeverymemberoftheCorrespondingSocietydefrayinghisowntravellingexpenses。andthatitseesnoobjectionwhatevertothemembersofthesaidsocietypursuingtheirinquiresforanylengthoftimetheyplease,uponthesameterms。
ThatthemembersoftheaforesaidCorrespondingSocietybe,andare,herebyinformed,thattheirproposaltopaythepostageoftheirletters,andthecarriageoftheirparcels,hasbeendeliberateduponbythisAssociation:
thatthisAssociationconsiderssuchproposalworthyofthegreatmindsfromwhichitemanated,andthatitherebysignifiesitsperfectacquiescencetherein。
Acasualobserver,addsthesecretary,towhosenotesweareindebtedforthefollowingaccount——acasualobservermightpossiblyhaveremarkednothingextraordinaryinthebaldhead,andcircularspectacles,whichwereintentlyturnedtowardshisthesecretary’sface,duringthereadingoftheaboveresolutions:tothosewhoknewthatthegiganticbrainofPickwickwasworkingbeneaththatforehead,andthatthebeamingeyesofPickwickweretwinklingbehindthoseglasses,thesightwasindeedaninterestingone。TheresatthemanwhohadtracedtotheirsourcethemightypondsofHampstead,andagitatedthescientificworldwithhisTheoryofTittlebats,ascalmandunmovedasthedeepwatersoftheoneonafrostyday,orasasolitaryspecimenoftheotherintheinmostrecessesofanearthenjar。
Andhowmuchmoreinterestingdidthespectaclebecome,when,startingintofulllifeandanimation,asasimultaneouscallforPickwickburstfromhisfollowers,thatillustriousmanslowlymountedintotheWindsorchair,onwhichhehadbeenpreviouslyseated,andaddressedtheclubhimselfhadfounded。Whatastudyforanartistdidthatexcitingscenepresent!
TheeloquentPickwick,withonehandgracefullyconcealedbehindhiscoattails,andtheotherwavinginair,toassisthisglowingdeclamation。
hiselevatedpositionrevealingthosetightsandgaiters,which,hadtheyclothedanordinaryman,mighthavepassedwithoutobservation,butwhich,whenPickwickclothedthem——ifwemayusetheexpression——inspiredvoluntaryaweandrespect。surroundedbythemenwhohadvolunteeredtosharetheperilsofhistravels,andwhoweredestinedtoparticipateinthegloriesofhisdiscoveries。OnhisrighthandsatMr。TracyTupman——thetoosusceptibleTupman,whotothewisdomandexperienceofmatureryearssuperaddedtheenthusiasmandardourofaboy,inthemostinterestingandpardonableofhumanweaknesses——love。Timeandfeedinghadexpandedthatonceromanticform。theblacksilkwaistcoathadbecomemoreandmoredeveloped。inchbyinchhadthegoldwatch-chainbeneathitdisappearedfromwithintherangeofTupman’svision。andgraduallyhadthecapaciouschinencroacheduponthebordersofthewhitecravat:butthesoulofTupmanhadknownnochange——admirationofthefairsexwasstillitsrulingpassion。OntheleftofhisgreatleadersatthepoeticSnodgrass,andnearhimagainthesportingWinkle,theformerpoeticallyenvelopedinamysteriousbluecoatwithacanine-skincollar,andthelattercommunicatingadditionallustretoanewgreenshootingcoat,plaidneckerchief,andclosely-fitteddrabs。
Mr。Pickwick’sorationuponthisoccasion,togetherwiththedebtthereon,isenteredontheTransactionsoftheClub。Bothbearastrongaffinitytothediscussionsofothercelebratedbodies。and,asitisalwaysinterestingtotracearesemblancebetweentheproceedingsofgreatmen,wetransfertheentrytothesepages。
Mr。PickwickobservedsaystheSecretarythatfamewasdeartotheheartofeveryman。PoeticfamewasdeartotheheartofhisfriendSnodgrass。
thefameofconquestwasequallydeartohisfriendTupman。andthedesireofearningfameinthesportsofthefield,theair,andthewater,wasuppermostinthebreastofhisfriendWinkle。HeMr。Pickwickwouldnotdenythathewasinfluencedbyhumanpassions,andhumanfeelingscheers——possiblybyhumanweaknesses——loudcriesof`No’。butthishewouldsay,thatifeverthefireofself-importancebrokeoutinhisbosom,thedesiretobenefitthehumanraceinpreferenceeffectuallyquenchedit。ThepraiseofmankindwashisSwing。philanthropywashisinsuranceoffice。Vehementcheering。Hehadfeltsomepride——heacknowledgeditfreely,andlethisenemiesmakethemostofit——hehadfeltsomepridewhenhepresentedhisTittlebatianTheorytotheworld。itmightbecelebratedoritmightnot。
Acryof`Itis,’andgreatcheering。HewouldtaketheassertionofthathonourablePickwickianwhosevoicehehadjustheard——itwascelebrated。
butifthefameofthattreatiseweretoextendtothefurthestconfinesoftheknownworld,thepridewithwhichheshouldreflectontheauthorshipofthatproductionwouldbeasnothingcomparedwiththepridewithwhichhelookedaroundhim,onthis,theproudestmomentofhisexistence。Cheers。
Hewasahumbleindividual。No,no。Stillhecouldnotbutfeelthattheyhadselectedhimforaserviceofgreathonour,andofsomedanger。
Travellingwasinatroubledstate,andthemindsofcoachmenwereunsettled。
Letthemlookabroadandcontemplatethesceneswhichwereenactingaroundthem。Stagecoacheswereupsettinginalldirections,horseswerebolting,boatswereoverturning,andboilerswerebursting。Cheers——avoice`No。’
No!Cheers。LetthehonourablePickwickianwhocried`No’soloudlycomeforwardanddenyit,ifhecould。Cheers。Whowasitthatcried`No’?
Enthusiasticcheering。Wasitsomevainanddisappointedman——hewouldnotsayhaberdasher——loudcheers——who,jealousofthepraisewhichhadbeen——perhapsundeservedly——bestowedonhisMr。Pickwick’sresearches,andsmartingunderthecensurewhichhadbeenheapeduponhisownfeebleattemptsatrivalry,nowtookthisvileandcalumniousmodeof——
Mr。BLOTTONofAldgaterosetoorder。DidthehonourablePickwickianalludetohim?Criesof`Order,’`Chair,’`Yes,’
`No,’`Goon,’`Leaveoff,’etc。
Mr。PICKWICKwouldnotputuptobeputdownbyclamour。Hehadalludedtothehonourablegentleman。Greatexcitement。
Mr。BLOTTONwouldonlysaythen,thatherepelledthehon。gent。’sfalseandscurrilousaccusation,withprofoundcontempt。
Greatcheering。Thehon。gent。wasahumbug。Immenseconfusion,andloudcriesof`Chair,’and`Order。’
Mr。A。SNODGRASSrosetoorder。Hethrewhimselfuponthechair。Hear。Hewishedtoknowwhetherthisdisgracefulcontestbetweentwomembersofthatclubshouldbeallowedtocontinue。Hear,hear。
TheCHAIRMANwasquitesurethehon。Pickwickianwouldwithdrawtheexpressionhehadjustmadeuseof。
Mr。BLOTTON,withallpossiblerespectforthechair,wasquitesurehewouldnot。
TheCHAIRMANfeltithisimperativedutytodemandofthehonourablegentleman,whetherhehadusedtheexpressionwhichhadjustescapedhiminacommonsense。
Mr。BLOTTONhadnohesitationinsayingthathehadnot——hehadusedthewordinitsPickwickiansense。Hear,hear。Hewasboundtoacknowledgethat,personally,heentertainedthehighestregardandesteemforthehonourablegentleman。hehadmerelyconsideredhimahumbuginaPickwickianpointofview。Hear,hear。
Mr。PICKWICKfeltmuchgratifiedbythefair,candid,andfullexplanationofhishonourablefriend。Hebeggedittobeatonceunderstood,thathisownobservationshadbeenmerelyintendedtobearaPickwickianconstruction。Cheers。
Heretheentryterminates,aswehavenodoubtthedebatedidalso,afterarrivingatsuchahighlysatisfactoryandintelligiblepoint。Wehavenoofficialstatementofthefactswhichthereaderwillfindrecordedinthenextchapter,buttheyhavebeencarefullycollatedfromlettersandotherMS。authorities,sounquestionablygenuineastojustifytheirnarrationinaconnectedform。1PerpetualVice-President——MemberPickwickClub。
2GeneralChairman——MemberPickwickClub。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter2[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERIITHEFIRSTDAY’SJOURNEY,ANDTHEFIRSTEVENING’S
ADVENTURES。WITHTHEIRCONSEQUENCES
THATpunctualservantofallwork,thesun,hadjustrisen,andbeguntostrikealightonthemorningofthethirteenthofMay,onethousandeighthundredandtwenty-seven,whenMr。SamuelPickwickburstlikeanothersunfromhisslumbers,threwopenhischamberwindow,andlookedoutupontheworldbeneath。GoswellStreetwasathisfeet,GoswellStreetwasonhisrighthand——asfarastheeyecouldreach,GoswellStreetextendedonhisleft。andtheoppositesideofGoswellStreetwasovertheway。Such,thoughMr。Pickwick,arethenarrowviewsofthosephilosopherswho,contentwithexaminingthethingsthatliebeforethem,looknottothetruthswhicharehiddenbeyond。AswellmightIbecontenttogazeonGoswellStreetforever,withoutoneefforttopenetratetothehiddencountrieswhichoneverysidesurroundit。Andhavinggivenventtothisbeautifulreflection,Mr。Pickwickproceededtoputhimselfintohisclothes,andhisclothesintohisportmanteau。Greatmenareseldomoverscrupulousinthearrangementoftheirattire。theoperationofshaving,dressing,andcoffee-imbibingwassoonperformed:andinanotherhour,Mr。Pickwick,withhisportmanteauinhishand,histelescopeinhisgreat-coatpocket,andhisnote-bookinhiswaistcoat,readyforthereceptionofanydiscoveriesworthyofbeingnoteddown,hadarrivedatthecoachstandinSt。Martin’s-le-Grand。
Cab!saidMr。Pickwick。
Hereyouare,sir,shoutedastrangespecimenofthehumanrace,inasackclothcoat,andapronofthesame,whowithabrasslabelandnumberroundhisneck,lookedasifhewerecataloguedinsomecollectionofrarities。
Thiswasthewaterman。Hereyouare,sir。Now,then,fustcab!Andthefirstcabhavingbeenfetchedfromthepublic-house,wherehehadbeensmokinghisfirstpipe,Mr。Pickwickandhisportmanteauwerethrownintothevehicle。
GoldenCross,saidMr。Pickwick。
Onlyabob’svorth,Tommy,criedthedriver,sulkily,fortheinformationofhisfriendthewaterman,asthecabdroveoff。
Howoldisthathorse,myfriend?inquiredMr。Pickwick,rubbinghisnosewiththeshillinghehadreservedforthefare。
Forty-two,repliedthedriver,eyeinghimaskant。
What!ejaculatedMr。Pickwick,layinghishanduponhisnote-book。
Thedriverreiteratedhisformerstatement。Mr。Pickwicklookedveryhardattheman’sface,buthisfeatureswereimmovable,sohenoteddownthefactforth-with。
Andhowlongdoyoukeephimoutatatime?inquiredMr。Pickwick,searchingforfurtherinformation。
Twoorthreeveeks,repliedtheman。
Weeks!saidMr。Pickwickinastonishment——andoutcamethenote-bookagain。
HelivesatPentonwilwhenhe’sathome,observedthedriver,coolly,butweseldomtakeshimhome,onaccountofhisveakness。
Onaccountofhisweakness!reiteratedtheperplexedMr。Pickwick。
Healwaysfallsdownwhenhe’stookouto’thecab,continuedthedriver,butwhenhe’sinit,webearshimupwerrytight,andtakeshiminwerryshort,soashecan’twerrywellfalldown。andwe’vegotapairo’preciouslargewheelson,sovenhedoesmove,theyrunafterhim,andhemustgoon——hecan’thelpit。
Mr。Pickwickenteredeverywordofthisstatementinhisnote-book,withtheviewofcommunicatingittotheclub,asasingularinstanceofthetenacityoflifeinhorses,undertryingcircumstances。TheentrywasscarcelycompletedwhentheyreachedtheGoldenCross。Downjumpedthedriver,andoutgotMr。Pickwick。Mr。Tupman,Mr。Snodgrass,andMr。Winkle,whohadbeenanxiouslywaitingthearrivaloftheirillustriousleader,crowdedtowelcomehim。
Here’syourfare,saidMr。Pickwick,holdingouttheshillingtothedriver。
Whatwasthelearnedman’sastonishment,whenthatunaccountablepersonflungthemoneyonthepavement,andrequestedinfigurativetermstobeallowedthepleasureoffightinghimMr。Pickwickfortheamount!
Youaremad,saidMr。Snodgrass。
Ordrunk,saidMr。Winkle。
Orboth,saidMr。Tupman。
Comeon!saidthecab-driver,sparringawaylikeclockwork。Comeon——allfouronyou。
Here’salark!shoutedhalf-a-dozenhackneycoachmen。Gotovork,Sam,——andtheycrowdedwithgreatgleeroundtheparty。
What’stherow,Sam?inquiredonegentlemaninblackcalicosleeves。
Row!repliedthecabman,whatdidhewantmynumberfor?
Ididn’twantyournumber,saidtheastonishedMr。Pickwick。
Whatdidyoutakeitfor,then?inquiredthecabman。
Ididn’ttakeit,saidMr。Pickwick,indignantly。
Wouldanybodybelieve,continuedthecab-driver,appealingtothecrowd,wouldanybodybelieveasaninformer’udgoaboutinaman’scab,notonlytakin’downhisnumber,butev’rywordhesaysintothebargain
alightflasheduponMr。Pickwick——itwasthenote-book。
Didhethough?inquiredanothercabman。
Yes,didhe,repliedthefirst。andthenarteraggerawatin’metoassaulthim,getsthreewitnessesheretoproveit。ButI’llgiveithim,ifI’vesixmonthsforit。Comeon!andthecabmandashedhishatupontheground,witharecklessdisregardofhisownprivateproperty,andknockedMr。Pickwick’sspectaclesoff,andfolloweduptheattackwithablowonMr。Pickwick’snose,andanotheronMr。Pickwick’schest,andathirdinMr。Snodgrass’seye,andafourth,bywayofvariety,inMr。
Tupman’swaistcoat,andthendancedintotheroad,andthenbackagaintothepavement,andfinallydashedthewholetemporarysupplyofbreathoutofMr。Winkle’sbody。andallinhalf-a-dozenseconds。
Where’sanofficer?saidMr。Snodgrass。
Put’emunderthepump,suggestedahot-pieman。
Youshallsmartforthis,gaspedMr。Pickwick。
Informers!shoutedthecrowd。
Comeon,criedthecabman,whohadbeensparringwithoutcessationthewholetime。
Themobhadhithertobeenpassivespectatorsofthescene,butastheintelligenceofthePickwickiansbeinginformerswasspreadamongthem,theybegantocanvasswithconsiderablevivacitytheproprietyofenforcingtheheatedpastry-vendor’sproposition。andthereisnosayingwhatactsofpersonalaggressiontheymighthavecommittedhadnottheaffraybeenunexpectedlyterminatedbytheinterpositionofanew-comer。
What’sthefun?saidarathertallthinyoungman,inagreencoat,emergingsuddenlyfromthecoach-yard。
Informers!shoutedthecrowdagain。
Wearenot,roaredMr。Pickwick,inatonewhich,toanydispassionatelistener,carriedconvictionwithit。
Ain’tyou,though,——ain’tyou?saidtheyoungman,appealingtoMr。
Pickwick,andmakinghiswaythroughthecrowdbytheinfallibleprocessofelbowingthecountenancesofitscomponentmembers。
Thatlearnedmaninafewhurriedwordsexplainedtherealstateofthecase。
Comealong,then,saidheofthegreencoat,luggingMr。Pickwickafterhimbymainforce,andtalkingthewholeway。Here,No。924,takeyourfare,andtakeyourselfoff——respectablegentleman,——knowhimwell——noneofyournonsense——thisway,sir,——where’syourfriends?——allamistake,Isee——nevermind——accidentswillhappen——bestregulatedfamilies——neversaydie——downuponyourluck——pullhimup——putthatinhispipe——liketheflavour——damnedrascals。Andwithalengthenedstringofsimilarbrokensentences,deliveredwithextraordinaryvolubility,thestrangerledthewaytothetravellers’waiting-room,whitherhewascloselyfollowedbyMr。Pickwickandhisdisciples。
Here,waiter!shoutedthestranger,ringingthebellwithtremendousviolence,glassesround,——brandyandwater,hotandstrong,andsweet,andplenty,——eyedamaged,sir?Waiter!rawbeef-steakforthegentleman’seye,——nothinglikerawbeef-steakforabruise,sir。coldlamp-postverygood,butlamp-postinconvenient——damnedoddstandingintheopenstreethalf-an-hour,withyoureyeagainstalamp-post——eh,——verygood——ha!ha!
Andthestranger,withoutstoppingtotakebreath,swallowedatadraughtfullhalf-a-pintofthereekingbrandyandwater,andflunghimselfintoachairwithasmucheaseasifnothinguncommonhadoccurred。
Whilehisthreecompanionswerebusilyengagedinprofferingtheirthankstotheirnewacquaintance,Mr。Pickwickhadleisuretoexaminehiscostumeandappearance。
Hewasaboutthemiddleheight,butthethinnessofhisbody,andthelengthofhislegs,gavehimtheappearanceofbeingmuchtaller。Thegreencoathadbeenasmartdressgarmentinthedaysofswallow-tails,buthadevidentlyinthosetimesadornedamuchshortermanthanthestranger,forthesoiledandfadedsleevesscarcelyreachedtohiswrists。Itwasbuttonedcloselyuptohischin,attheimminenthazardofsplittingtheback。andanoldstock,withoutavestigeofshirtcollar,ornamentedhisneck。Hisscantyblacktrousersdisplayedhereandtherethoseshinypatcheswhichbespeaklongservice,andwerestrappedverytightlyoverapairofpatchedandmendedshoes,asiftoconcealthedirtywhitestockings,whichwereneverthelessdistinctlyvisible。Hislongblackhairescapedinnegligentwavesfrombeneatheachsideofhisoldpinched-uphat。andglimpsesofhisbarewristsmightbeobservedbetweenthetopsofhisgloves,andthecuffsofhiscoatsleeves。Hisfacewasthinandhaggard。butanindescribableairofjauntyimpudenceandperfectself-possessionpervadedthewholeman。
SuchwastheindividualonwhomMr。Pickwickgazedthroughhisspectacleswhichhehadfortunatelyrecovered,andtowhomheproceeded,whenhisfriendshadexhaustedthemselves,toreturninchosentermshiswarmestthanksforhisrecentassistance。
Nevermind,saidthestranger,cuttingtheaddressveryshort,saidenough,——nomore。smartchapthatcabman——handledhisfiveswell。butifI’dbeenyourfriendinthegreenjemmy——damnme——punchhishead,——’codIwould,——pig’swhisper——piemantoo,——nogammon。
ThiscoherentspeechwasinterruptedbytheentranceoftheRochestercoachman,toannouncethatTheCommodorewasonthepointofstarting。
Commodore!saidthestranger,startingup,mycoach,——placebooked,——oneoutside——leaveyoutopayforthebrandyandwater,——wantchangeforafive,——badsilver——Brummagembuttons——won’tdo——nogo——eh?andheshookhisheadmostknowingly。
NowitsohappenedthatMr。PickwickandhisthreecompanionshadresolvedtomakeRochestertheirfirsthalting-placetoo。andhavingintimatedtotheirnew-foundacquaintancethattheywerejourneyingtothesamecity,theyagreedtooccupytheseatatthebackofthecoach,wheretheycouldallsittogether。
Upwithyou,saidthestranger,assistingMr。Pickwickontotheroofwithsomuchprecipitationastoimpairthegravityofthatgentleman’sdeportmentverymaterially。
Anyluggage,sir?inquiredthecoachman。
Who——I?Brownpaperparcelhere,that’sall,——otherluggagegonebywater,——packingcases,nailedup——bigashouses——heavy,heavy,damnedheavy,
repliedthestranger,asheforcedintohispocketasmuchashecouldofthebrownpaperparcel,whichpresentedmostsuspiciousindicationsofcontainingoneshirtandahandkerchief。
Heads,heads——takecareofyourheads!criedtheloquaciousstranger,astheycameoutunderthelowarchway,whichinthosedaysformedtheentrancetothecoach-yard。Terribleplace——dangerouswork——otherday——fivechildren——mother——talllady,eatingsandwiches——forgotthearch——crash——knock——childrenlookround——mother’sheadoff——sandwichinherhand——nomouthtoputitin——headofafamilyoff——shocking,shocking!LookingatWhitehall,sir?——fineplace——littlewindow——somebodyelse’sheadoffthere,eh,sir?——hedidn’tkeepasharplook-outenougheither——eh,sir,eh?
Iamruminating,saidMr。Pickwick,onthestrangemutabilityofhumanaffairs。
Ah!Isee——inatthepalacedooroneday,outatthewindowthenext。
Philosopher,sir?
Anobserverofhumannature,sir,saidMr。Pickwick。
Ah,soamI。Mostpeoplearewhenthey’velittletodoandlesstoget。Poet,sir?
MyfriendMr。Snodgrasshasastrongpoeticturn,saidMr。Pickwick。
SohaveI,saidthestranger。Epicpoem,——tenthousandlines——revolutionofJuly——composeditonthespot——Marsbyday,Apollobynight,——bangthefield-piece,twangthelyre。
Youwerepresentatthatgloriousscene,sir?saidMr。Snodgrass。
Present!thinkIwas。1firedamusket,——firedwithanidea,——rushedintowineshop——wroteitdown——backagain——whiz,bang——anotheridea——wineshopagain——penandink——backagain——cutandslash——nobletime,sir。Sportsman,sir?abruptlyturningtoMr。Winkle。
Alittle,sir,repliedthatgentleman。
Finepursuit,sir,——finepursuit——Dogs,sir?
Notjustnow,saidMr。Winkle。
Ah!youshouldkeepdogs——fineanimals——sagaciouscreatures——dogofmyownonce——Pointer——surprisinginstinct——outshootingoneday——enteringenclosure——whistled——dogstopped——whistledagain——Ponto——nogo。stockstill——calledhim——Ponto,Ponto——wouldn’tmove——dogtransfixed——staringataboard——lookedup,sawaninscription——`Game-keeperhasorderstoshootalldogsfoundinthisenclosure’——wouldn’tpassit——wonderfuldog——valuabledogthat——very。
Singularcircumstancethat,saidMr。Pickwick。Willyouallowmetomakeanoteofit?
Certainly,sir,certainly——hundredmoreanecdotesofthesameanimal——Finegirl,sirtoMr。TracyTupman,whohadbeenbestowingsundryanti-Pickwickianglancesonayoungladybytheroadside。
Very!saidMr。Tupman。
EnglishgirlsnotsofineasSpanish——noblecreatures——jethair——blackeyes——lovelyforms——sweetcreatures——beautiful。
YouhavebeeninSpain,sir?saidMr。TracyTupman。
Livedthere——ages。
Manyconquests,sir?inquiredMr。Tupman。
Conquests!Thousands。DonBolaroFizzgig——Grandee——onlydaughter——DonnaChristina——splendidcreature——lovedmetodistraction——jealousfather——high-souleddaughter——handsomeEnglishman——DonnaChristinaindespair——prussicacid——stomachpumpinmyportmanteau——operationperformed——oldBolaroinecstasies——consenttoourunion——joinhandsandfloodsoftears——romanticstory——very。
IstheladyinEnglandnow,sir?inquiredMr。Tupman,onwhomthedescriptionofhercharmshadproducedapowerfulimpression。
Dead,sir——dead,saidthestranger,applyingtohisrighteyethebriefremnantofaveryoldcambrichandker-chiefNeverrecoveredthestomachpump——underminedconstitution——fellavictim。
Andherfather?inquiredthepoeticSnodgrass。
Remorseandmisery,repliedthestranger。Suddendisappearance——talkofthewholecity——searchmadeeverywhere——withoutsuccess——publicfountaininthegreatsquaresuddenlyceasedplaying——weekselapsed——stillastoppage——workmenemployedtocleanit——waterdrawnoff——father-in-lawdiscoveredstickingheadfirstinthemainpipe,withafullconfessioninhisrightboot——tookhimout,andthefountainplayedawayagain,aswellasever。
Willyouallowmetonotethatlittleromancedown,sir?saidMr。
Snodgrass,deeplyaffected。
Certainly,sir,certainly,——fiftymoreifyouliketohear’em——strangelifemine——rathercurioushistory——notextraordinary,butsingular。
Inthisstrain,withanoccasionalglassofale,bywayofparenthesis,whenthecoachchangedhorses,didthestrangerproceed,untiltheyreachedRochesterbridge,bywhichtimethenote-books,bothofMr。PickwickandMr。Snodgrass,werecompletelyfilledwithselectionsfromhisadventures。
Magnificentruin!saidMr。AugustusSnodgrass,withallthepoeticfervourthatdistinguishedhim,whentheycameinsightofthefineoldcastle。
Whatastudyforanantiquarian!weretheverywordswhichfellfromMr。Pickwick’smouth,asheappliedhistelescopetohiseye。
Ah!fineplace,saidthestranger,gloriouspile——frowningwalls——totteringarches——darknooks——crumblingstaircases——Oldcathedraltoo——earthysmell——pilgrims’
feetwornawaytheoldsteps——littleSaxondoors——confessionalslikemoney-takers’
boxesattheatres——queercustomersthosemonks——Popes,andLordTreasurers,andallsortsofoldfellows,withgreatredfaces,andbrokennoses,turningupeveryday——buffjerkinstoo——match-locks——Sarcophagus——fineplace——oldlegendstoo——strangestories:capital。andthestrangercontinuedtosoliloquiseuntiltheyreachedtheBullInn,intheHighStreet,wherethecoachstopped。
Doyouremainhere,sir?inquiredMr。NathanielWinkle。
Here——notI——butyou’dbetter——goodhouse——nicebeds——Wright’snexthouse,dear——verydear——half-a-crowninthebillifyoulookatthewaiter——chargeyoumoreifyoudineatafriend’sthantheywouldifyoudinedinthecoffee-room——rumfellows——very。
Mr。WinkleturnedtoMr。Pickwick,andmurmuredafewwords。awhisperpassedfromMr。PickwicktoMr。Snodgrass,fromMr。SnodgrasstoMr。Tupman,andnodsofassentwereexchanged。Mr。Pickwickaddressedthestranger。
Yourenderedusaveryimportantservicethismorning,sir,saidhe,willyouallowustoofferaslightmarkofourgratitudebybeggingthefavourofyourcompanyatdinner?
Greatpleasure——notpresumetodictate,butbroiledfowlandmushrooms——capitalthing!whattime?
Letmesee,repliedMr。Pickwick,referringtohiswatch,itisnownearlythree。Shallwesayfive?
Suitmeexcellently,saidthestranger,fiveprecisely——tillthen——careofyourselves。andliftingthepinched-uphatafewinchesfromhishead,andcarelesslyreplacingitverymuchononeside,thestranger,withhalfthebrownpaperparcelstickingoutofhispocket,walkedbrisklyuptheyard,andturnedintotheHighStreet。
Evidentlyatravellerinmanycountries,andacloseobserverofmenandthings,saidMr。Pickwick。
Ishouldliketoseehispoem,saidMr。Snodgrass。
Ishouldliketohaveseenthatdog,saidMr。Winkle。
Mr。Tupmansaidnothing。buthethoughtofDonnaChristina,thestomachpump,andthefountain。andhiseyesfilledwithtears。
Aprivatesitting-roomhavingbeenengaged,bed-roomsinspected,anddinnerordered,thepartywalkedouttoviewthecityandadjoiningneighbourhood。
Wedonotfind,fromacarefulperusalofMr。Pickwick’snotesonthefourtowns,Stroud,Rochester,Chatham,andBrompton,thathisimpressionsoftheirappearancedifferinanymaterialpointfromthoseofothertravellerswhohavegoneoverthesameground。Hisgeneraldescriptioniseasilyabridged。
Theprincipalproductionsofthesetowns,saysMr。Pickwick,appeartobesoldiers,sailors,Jews,chalk,shrimps,officers,anddockyardmen。
Thecommoditieschieflyexposedforsaleinthepublicstreetsaremarinestores,hardbake,apples,flat-fish,andoysters。Thestreetspresentalivelyandanimatedappearance,occasionedchieflybytheconvivialityofthemilitary。Itistrulydelightfultoaphilanthropicmind,toseethesegallantmenstaggeringalongundertheinfluenceofanoverflow,bothofanimalandardentspirits。moreespeciallywhenwerememberthatthefollowingthemabout,andjestingwiththem,affordsacheapandinnocentamusementfortheboypopulation。NothingaddsMr。Pickwickcanexceedtheirgoodhumour。Itwasbutthedaybeforemyarrivalthatoneofthemhadbeenmostgrosslyinsultedinthehouseofapublican。Thebarmaidhadpositivelyrefusedtodrawhimanymoreliquor。inreturnforwhichhehadmerelyinplayfulnessdrawnhisbayonet,andwoundedthegirlintheshoulder。Andyetthisfinefellowwastheveryfirsttogodowntothehousenextmorning,andexpresshisreadinesstooverlookthematter,andforgetwhathadoccurred。
TheconsumptionoftobaccointhesetownscontinuesMr。Pickwick
mustbeverygreat:andthesmellwhichpervadesthestreetsmustbeexceedinglydelicioustothosewhoareextremelyfondofsmoking。Asuperficialtravellermightobjecttothedirtwhichistheirleadingcharacteristic。buttothosewhoviewitasanindicationoftrafficandcommercialprosperity,itistrulygratifying。
Punctualtofiveo’clockcamethestranger,andshortlyafterwardsthedinner。Hehaddivestedhimselfofhisbrownpaperparcel,buthadmadenoalterationinhisattire。andwas,ifpossible,moreloquaciousthanever。
What’sthat?heinquired,asthewaiterremovedoneofthecovers。
Soles,sir。
Soles——ah!——capitalfish——allcomefromLondon——stagecoachproprietorsgetuppoliticaldinners——carriageofsoles——dozensofbaskets——cunningfellows。Glassofwine,sir。
Withpleasure,saidMr。Pickwick。andthestrangertookwine,firstwithhim,andthenwithMr。Snodgrass,andthenwithMr。Tupman,andthenwithMr。Winkle,andthenwiththewholepartytogether,almostasrapidlyashetalked。
Devilofamessonthestaircase,waiter,saidthestranger。Formsgoingup——carpenterscomingdown——lamps,glasses,harps。What’sgoingforward?
Ball,sir,saidthewaiter。
Assembly,eh?
No,sir,notAssembly,sir。Ballforthebenefitofacharity,sir。
Manyfinewomeninthistown,doyouknow,sir?inquiredMr。Tupman,withgreatinterest。
Splendid——capital。Kent,sir——everybodyknowsKent——applies,cherries,hops,andwomen。Glassofwine,sir?
Withgreatpleasure,repliedMr。Tupman。Thestrangerfilled,andemptied。
Ishouldverymuchliketogo,saidMr。Tupman,resumingthesubjectoftheball,verymuch。
Ticketsatthebar,sir,interposedthewaiter。half-a-guineaeach,sir。
Mr。Tupmanagainexpressedanearnestwishtobepresentatthefestivity。
butmeetingwithnoresponseinthedarkenedeyeofMr。Snodgrass,ortheabstractedgazeofMr。Pickwick,heappliedhimselfwithgreatinteresttotheportwineanddessert,whichhadjustbeenplacedonthetable。
Thewaiterwithdrew,andthepartywerelefttoenjoythecosycoupleofhourssucceedingdinner。
Begyourpardon,sir,saidthestranger,bottlestands——passitround——wayofthesun——throughthebutton-hole——noheeltaps,andheemptiedhisglass,whichhehadfilledabouttwominutesbefore,andpouredoutanother,withtheairofamanwhowasusedtoit。
Thewinewaspassed,andafreshsupplyordered。Thevisitortalked,thePickwickianslistened。Mr。Tupmanfelteverymomentmoredisposedfortheball。Mr。Pickwick’scountenanceglowedwithanexpressionofuniversalphilanthropy。andMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassfellfastasleep。
They’rebeginningup-stairs,saidthestranger——hearthecompany——fiddlestuning——nowtheharp——theretheygo。Thevarioussoundswhichfoundtheirwaydown-stairsannouncedthecommencementofthefirstquadrille。
HowIshouldliketogo,saidMr。Tupman,again。
SoshouldI,saidthestranger,——confoundedluggage——heavysmacks——nothingtogoin——odd,ain’tit?
NowgeneralbenevolencewasoneoftheleadingfeaturesofthePickwickiantheory,andnoonewasmoreremarkableforthezealousmannerinwhichheobservedsonobleaprinciplethanMr。TracyTupman。Thenumberofinstances,recordedontheTransactionsoftheSociety,inwhichthatexcellentmanreferredobjectsofcharitytothehousesofothermembersforleft-offgarmentsorpecuniaryreliefisalmostincredible。
Ishouldbeveryhappytolendyouachangeofapparelforthepurpose,
saidMr。TracyTupman,butyouareratherslim,andIam——
Ratherfat——grown-upBacchus——cuttheleaves——dismountedfromthetub,andadoptedkersey,eh?——notdoubledistilled,butdoublemilled——ha!ha!
passthewine。
WhetherMr。Tupmanwassomewhatindignantattheperemptorytoneinwhichhewasdesiredtopassthewinewhichthestrangerpassedsoquicklyaway。orwhetherhefeltveryproperlyscandalised,ataninfluentialmemberofthePickwickClubbeingignominiouslycomparedtoadismountedBacchus,isafactnotyetcompletelyascertained。Hepassedthewine,coughedtwice,andlookedatthestrangerforseveralsecondswithasternintensity。
asthatindividual,however,appearedperfectlycollected,andquitecalmunderhissearchingglance,hegraduallyrelaxed,andrevertedtothesubjectoftheball。
Iwasabouttoobserve,sir,hesaid,thatthoughmyapparelwouldbetoolarge,asuitofmyfriendMr。Winkle’swouldperhapsfityoubetter。
ThestrangertookMr。Winkle’smeasurewithhiseye。andthatfeatureglistenedwithsatisfactionashesaid——justthething。
Mr。Tupmanlookedroundhim。Thewine,whichhadexerteditssomniferousinfluenceoverMr。SnodgrassandMr。Winkle,hadstolenuponthesensesofMr。Pickwick。Thatgentlemanhadgraduallypassedthroughthevariousstageswhichprecedethelethargyproducedbydinner,anditsconsequences。
Hehadundergonetheordinarytransitionsfromtheheightofconvivialitytothedepthofmisery,andfromthedepthofmiserytotheheightofconviviality。
Likeagaslampinthestreet,withthewindinthepipe,hehadexhibitedforamomentanunnaturalbrilliancy。thensunksolowastobescarcelydiscernible:afterashortintervalhehadburstoutagain,toenlightenforamoment,thenflickeredwithanuncertain,staggeringsortoflight,andthengoneoutaltogether。Hisheadwassunkuponhisbosom。andperpetualsnoring,withapartialchokeoccasionally,weretheonlyaudibleindicationsofthegreatman’spresence。
Thetemptationtobepresentattheball,andtoformhisfirstimpressionsofthebeautyoftheKentishladies,wasstronguponMr。Tupman。Thetemptationtotakethestrangerwithhimwasequallygreat。Hewaswhollyunacquaintedwiththeplace,anditsinhabitants。andthestrangerseemedtopossessasgreataknowledgeofbothasifhehadlivedtherefromhisinfancy。
Mr。Winklewasasleep,andMr。Tupmanhadhadsufficientexperienceinsuchmatterstoknow,thatthemomentheawokehewould,intheordinarycourseofnature,rollheavilytobed。Hewasundecided。Fillyourglass,andpassthewine,saidtheindefatigablevisitor。
Mr。Tupmandidashewasrequested。andtheadditionalstimulusofthelastglasssettledhisdetermination。
Winkle’sbed-roomisinsidemine,saidMr。Tupman。Icouldn’tmakehimunderstandwhatIwanted,ifIwokehimnow,butIknowhehasadresssuit,inacarpet-bag,andsupposingyouworeittotheball,andtookitoffwhenwereturned,Icouldreplaceitwithouttroublinghimatallaboutthematter。
Capital,saidthestranger,famousplan——damnedoddsituation——fourteencoatsinthepackingcases,andobligedtowearanotherman’s——verygoodnotion,that——very。
Wemustpurchaseourtickets,saidMr。Tupman。
Notworthwhilesplittingaguinea,saidthestranger,tosswhoshallpayforboth——Icall。youspin——firsttime——woman——woman——bewitchingwoman,
anddowncamethesovereign,withtheDragoncalledbycourtesyawoman
uppermost。
Mr。Tupmanrangthebell,purchasedthetickets,andorderedchambercandlesticks。InanotherquarterofanhourthestrangerwascompletelyarrayedinafullsuitofMr。NathanielWinkle’s。
It’sanewcoat,saidMr。Tupman,asthestrangersurveyedhimselfwithgreatcomplacencyinachevalglass。thefirstthat’sbeenmadewithourclubbutton,andhecalledhiscompanion’sattentiontothelargegiltbuttonwhichdisplayedabustofMr。Pickwickinthecentre,andthelettersP。C。oneitherside。
P。C。,saidthestranger——queersetout——oldfellow’slikeness,and`P。C。’——Whatdoes`P。C。’standfor——Peculiarcoat,eh?
Mr。Tupman,withrisingindignationandgreatimportance,explainedthemysticdevice。
Rathershortinthewaist,an’tit?saidthestranger,screwinghimselfroundtocatchaglimpseintheglassofthewaistbuttons,whichwerehalfwayuphisback。Likeageneralpostman’scoat——queercoatsthose——madebycontract——nomeasuring——mysteriousdispensationsofProvidence——alltheshortmengetlongcoats——allthelongmenshortones。Runningoninthisway,Mr。Tupman’snewcompanionadjustedhisdress,orratherthedressofMr。Winkle。and,accompaniedbyMr。Tupman,ascendedthestaircaseleadingtotheball-room。
Whatnames,sir?saidthemanatthedoor。Mr。TracyTupmanwassteppingforwardtoannouncehisowntitles,whenthestrangerpreventedhim。
Nonamesatall。andthenhewhisperedMr。Tupman,Nameswon’tdo——notknown——verygoodnamesintheirway,butnotgreatones——capitalnamesforasmallparty,butwon’tmakeanimpressioninpublicassemblies——incog。
thething——GentlemenfromLondon——distinguishedforeigners——anything。
Thedoorwasthrownopen。andMr。TracyTupman,andthestranger,enteredtheball-room。
Itwasalongroom,withcrimson-coveredbenches,andwaxcandlesinglasschandeliers。Themusiciansweresecurelyconfinedinanelevatedden,andquadrilleswerebeingsystematicallygotthroughbytwoorthreesetsofdancers。Twocard-tablesweremadeupintheadjoiningcard-room,andtwopairofoldladies,andacorrespondingnumberofstoutgentlemen,wereexecutingwhisttherein。
Thefinaleconcluded,thedancerspromenadedtheroom,andMr。Tupmanandhiscompanionstationedthemselvesinacorner,toobservethecompany。
Waitaminute,saidthestranger,funpresently——nobsnotcomeyet——queerplace——Dock-yardpeopleofupperrankdon’tknowDock-yardpeopleoflowerrank——Dock-yardpeopleoflowerrankdon’tknowsmallgentry——smallgentrydon’tknowtradespeople——Commissionerdon’tknowanybody。
Who’sthatlittleboywiththelighthairandpinkeyes,inafancydress?inquiredMr。Tupman。
Hush,pray——pinkeyes——fancydress——littleboy——nonsense——Ensign97th——HonourableWilmotSnipe——greatfamily——Snipes——very。
SirThomasClubber,LadyClubber,andtheMissClubbers!shoutedthemanatthedoorinastentorianvoice。Agreatsensationwascreatedthroughouttheroombytheentranceofatallgentlemaninabluecoatandbrightbuttons,alargeladyinbluesatin,andtwoyoungladies,onasimilarscale,infashionably-madedressesofthesamehue。
Commissioner——headoftheyard——greatman——remarkablygreatman,whisperedthestrangerinMr。Tupman’sear,asthecharitablecommitteeusheredSirThomasClubberandfamilytothetopoftheroom。TheHonourableWilmotSnipe,andotherdistinguishedgentlemencrowdedtorenderhomagetotheMissClubbers。andSirThomasClubberstoodboltupright,andlookedmajesticallyoverhisblacknecker-chiefattheassembledcompany。
Mr。Smithie,Mrs。Smithie,andtheMissesSmithie,wasthenextannouncement。
What’sMr。Smithie?inquiredMr。TracyTupman。
Somethingintheyard,repliedthestranger。Mr。SmithieboweddeferentiallytoSirThomasClubber。andSirThomasClubberacknowledgedthesalutewithconsciouscondescension。LadyClubbertookatelescopicviewofMrs。Smithieandfamilythroughhereye-glass,andMrs。SmithiestaredinehrturnatMrs。Somebodyelse,whosehusbandwasnotintheDock-yardatall。
ColonelBulder,Mrs。ColonelBulder,andMissBulder,werethenextarrivals。
HeadoftheGarrison,saidthestranger,inreplytoMr。Tupman’sinquiringlook。
MissBulderwaswarmlywelcomedbytheMissClubbers。thegreetingbetweenMrs。ColonelBulderandLadyClubberwasofthemostaffectionatedescription。
ColonelBulderandSirThomasClubberexchangedsnuff-boxes,andlookedverymuchlikeapairofAlexanderSelkirks——Monarchsofalltheysurveyed。
Whilethearistocracyoftheplace——theBulders,andClubbers,andSnipes——werethuspreservingtheirdignityattheupperendoftheroom,theotherclassesofsocietywereimitatingtheirexampleinotherpartsofit。Thelessaristocraticofficersofthe97thdevotedthemselvestothefamiliesofthelessimportantfunctionariesfromtheDockyard。Thesolicitors’wives,andthewine-merchant’swife,headedanothergradethebrewer’swifevisitedtheBulders。andMrsTomlinson,thepost-officekeeper,seemedbymutualconsenttohavebeenchosentheleaderofthetradeparty。
Oneofthemostpopularpersonages,inhisowncircle,presentwasalittlefatman,witharingofuprightblackhairroundhishead,andanextensivebaldplainonthetopofit——DoctorSlammer,surgeontothe97th。
TheDoctortooksnuffwitheverybody,chattedwitheverybody,laughed,danced,madejokes,playedwhist,dideverything,andwaseverywhere。Tothesepursuits,multifariousastheywere,thelittleDoctoraddedamoreimportantonethanany——hewasindefatigableinpayingthemostunremittinganddevotedattentiontoalittleoldwidow,whoserichdressandprofusionofornamentbespokeheramostdesirableadditiontoalimitedincome。
UpontheDoctor,andthewidow,theeyesofbothMr。Tupmanandhiscompanionhadbeenfixedforsometime,whenthestrangerbrokesilence。
Lotsofmoney——oldgirl——pompousDoctor——notabadidea——goodfun,
weretheintelligiblesentenceswhichissuedfromhislips。Mr。Tupmanlookedinquisitivelyinhisface。
I’lldancewiththewidow,saidthestranger。
Whoisshe?inquiredMr。Tupman。
Don’tknow——neversawherinallmylife——cutouttheDoctor——heregoes。Andthestrangerforthwithcrossedtheroom。and,leaningagainstamantel-piece,commencedgazingwithanairofrespectfulandmelancholyadmirationonthefatcountenanceofthelittleoldlady。Mr。Tupmanlookedon,inmuteastonishment。Thestrangerprogressedrapidly。thelittleDoctordancedwithanotherlady。thewidowdroppedherfan,thestrangerpickeditupandpresentedit,——asmile——abow——acurtsey——afewwordsofconversation。
Thestrangerwalkedboldlyupto,andreturnedwith,themasteroftheceremonies。alittleintroductorypantomime。andthestrangerandMrs。
Budgertooktheirplacesinaquadrille。
ThesurpriseofMr。Tupmanatthissummaryproceeding,greatasitwas,wasimmeasurablyexceededbytheastonishmentoftheDoctor。Thestrangerwasyoung,andthewidowwasflattered。TheDoctor’sattentionswereunheededbythewidow。andtheDoctor’sindignationwaswhollylostonhisimperturbablerival。DoctorSlammerwasparalysed。He,DoctorSlammer,ofthe97th,tobeextinguishedinamoment,byamanwhomnobodyhadeverseenbefore,andwhomnobodyknewevennow!DoctorSlammer——DoctorSlammerofthe97threjected!Impossible!Itcouldnotbe!Yes,itwas。theretheywere。What!
introducinghisfriend!Couldhebelievehiseyes!Helookedagain,andwasunderthepainfulnecessityofadmittingtheveracityofhisoptics。
Mrs。BudgerwasdancingwithMr。TracyTupman,therewasnomistakingthefact。Therewasthewidowbeforehim,bouncingbodily,hereandthere,withunwontedvigour。andMr。TracyTupmanhoppingabout,withafaceexpressiveofthemostintensesolemnity,dancingasagoodmanypeopledoasifaquadrillewerenotathingtobelaughedat,butaseveretrialtothefeelings,whichitrequiresinflexibleresolutiontoencounter。
SilentlyandpatientlydidtheDoctorbearallthis,andallthehandingsofnegus,andwatchingforglasses,anddartingforbiscuits,andcoquetting,thatensued。but,afewsecondsafterthestrangerhaddisappearedtoleadMrs。Budgertohercarriage,hedartedswiftlyfromtheroomwitheveryparticleofhishitherto-bottled-upindignationeffervescing,fromallpartsofhiscountenance,inaperspirationofpassion。
Thestrangerwasreturning,andMr。Tupmanwasbesidehim。Hespokeinalowtone,andlaughed。ThelittleDoctorthirstedforhislife。Hewasexulting。Hehadtriumphed。
Sir!saidtheDoctor,inanawfulvoice,producingacard,andretiringintoanangleofthepassage,mynameisSlammer,DoctorSlammer,sir——97thRegiment——ChathamBarracks——mycard,sir,mycard。Hewouldhaveaddedmore,buthisindignationchokedhim。
Ah!repliedthestranger,coolly,Slammer——muchobliged——politeattention——notillnow,Slammer——butwhenIam——knockyouup。
You——you’reashuffler!sir,gaspedthefuriousDoctor,apoltroon——acoward——aliar——a——a——willnothinginduceyoutogivemeyourcard,sir?
Oh!Isee,saidthestranger,halfaside,negustoostronghere——liberallandlord——veryfoolish——very——lemonademuchbetter——hotrooms——elderlygentlemen——sufferforitinthemorning——cruel——cruel。andhemovedonasteportwo。
Youarestoppinginthishouse,sir,saidtheindignantlittleman。
youareintoxicatednow,sir。youshallhearfrommeinthemorning,sir。
Ishallfindyouout,sir。Ishallfindyouout。
Ratheryoufoundmeoutthanfoundmeathome,repliedtheunmovedstranger。
DoctorSlammerlookedunutterableferocity,ashefixedhishatonhisheadwithanindignantknock。andthestrangerandMr。TupmanascendedtothebedroomofthelattertorestoretheborrowedplumagetotheunconsciousWinkle。
Thatgentlemanwasfastasleep。therestorationwassoonmade。Thestrangerwasextremelyjocose。andMr。TracyTupman,beingquitebewilderedwithwine,negus,lights,andladies,thoughtthewholeaffairanexquisitejoke。Hisnewfrienddeparted。and,afterexperiencingsomeslightdifficultyinfindingtheorificeinhisnight-cap,originallyintendedforthereceptionofhishead,andfinallyoverturninghiscandlestickinhisstrugglestoputiton,Mr。TracyTupmanmanagedtogetintobedbyaseriesofcomplicatedevolutions,andshortlyafterwardssankintorepose。
Seveno’clockhadhardlyceasedstrikingonthefollowingmorningwhenMr。Pickwick’scomprehensivemindwasarousedfromthestateofunconsciousness,inwhichslumberhadplungedit,byaloudknockingathischamberdoor。
Who’sthere?saidMr。Pickwick,startingupinbed。
Boots,sir。
Whatdoyouwant?
Please,sir,canyoutellme,whichgentlemanofyourpartywearsabrightbluedresscoat,withagiltbuttonwithP。C。onit?
It’sbeengivenouttobrush,thoughtMr。Pickwick,andthemanhasforgottenwhomitbelongsto——Mr。Winkle,hecalledout,nextroombuttwo,ontherighthand。
Thank’eesir,saidtheBoots,andawayhewent。
What’sthematter?criedMr。Tupman,asaloudknockingathisdoorrousedhimfromhisobliviousrepose。
CanIspeaktoMr。Winkle,sir?repliedtheBootsfromtheoutside。
Winkle——Winkle!shoutedMr。Tupman,callingintotheinnerroom。
Hallo!repliedafaintvoicefromwithinthebed-clothes。
You’rewanted——someoneatthedoor——andhavingexertedhimselftoarticulatethusmuch,Mr。TracyTupmanturnedroundandfellfastasleepagain。
Wanted!saidMr。Winkle,hastilyjumpingoutofbed,andputtingonafewarticlesofclothing:wanted!atthisdistancefromtown——whoonearthcanwantme?
Gentlemaninthecoffee-room,sir,repliedtheBoots,asMr。Winkleopenedthedoor,andconfrontedhim。gentlemansayshe’llnotdetainyouamoment,sir,buthecantakenodenial。
Veryodd!saidMr。Winkle。I’llbedowndirectly。
Hehurriedlywrappedhimselfinatravelling-shawlanddressing-gown,andproceededdown-stairs。Anoldwomanandacoupleofwaiterswerecleaningthecoffee-room,andanofficerinundressuniformwaslookingoutofthewindow。HeturnedroundasMr。Winkleentered,andmadeastiffinclinationofthehead。Havingorderedtheattendantstoretire,andclosedthedoorverycarefully,hesaid,Mr。Winkle,Ipresume?
MynameisWinkle,sir。
Youwillnotbesurprised,sir,whenIinformyou,thatIhavecalledherethismorningonbehalfofmyfriend,Dr。Slammer,oftheNinety-seventh。
DoctorSlammer!saidMr。Winkle。
DoctorSlammer。Hebeggedmetoexpresshisopinionthatyourconductoflasteveningwasofadescriptionwhichnogentlemancouldendure:andheaddedwhichnoonegentlemanwouldpursuetowardsanother。
Mr。Winkle’sastonishmentwastooreal,andtooevident,toescapetheobservationofDr。Slammer’sfriend。hethereforeproceeded——Myfriend,Dr。Slammer,requestedmetoadd,thathewasfirmlypersuadedyouwereintoxicatedduringaportionoftheevening,andpossiblyunconsciousoftheextentoftheinsultyouwereguiltyof。Hecommissionedmetosay,thatshouldthisbepleadedasanexcuseforyourbehaviour,hewillconsenttoacceptawrittenapology,tobepennedbyyou,frommydictation。
Awrittenapology!repeatedMr。Winkle,inthemostemphatictoneofamazementpossible。
Ofcourseyouknowthealternative,repliedthevisitor,coolly。
Wereyouentrustedwiththismessagetome,byname?inquiredMr。
Winkle,whoseintellectswerehopelesslyconfusedbythisextraordinaryconversation。
Iwasnotpresentmyself,repliedthevisitor,andinconsequenceofyourfirmrefusaltogiveyourcardtoDoctorSlammer,Iwasdesiredbythatgentlemantoidentifythewearerofaveryuncommoncoat——abrightbluedresscoat,withagiltbuttondisplayingabust,andtheletters`P。C。’
Mr。Winkleactuallystaggeredwithastonishmentasheheardhisowncostumethusminutelydescribed。Dr。Slammer’sfriendproceeded:——FromtheinquiriesImadeatthebar,justnow,Iwasconvincedthattheownerofthecoatinquestionarrivedhere,withthreegentlemen,yesterdayafternoon。
Iimmediatelysentuptothegentlemanwhowasdescribedasappearingtheheadoftheparty,andheatoncereferredmetoyou。
IftheprincipaltowerofRochesterCastlehadsuddenlywalkedfromitsfoundation,andstationeditselfoppositethecoffee-roomwindow,Mr。
Winkle’ssurprisewouldhavebeenasnothingcomparedwiththeprofoundastonishmentwithwhichhehadheardthisaddress。Hisfirstimpressionwas,thathiscoathadbeenstolen。Willyouallowmetodetainyouonemoment?saidhe。
Certainly,repliedtheunwelcomevisitor。
Mr。Winkleranhastilyup-stairs,andwithatremblinghandopenedthebag。Therewasthecoatinitsusualplace,butexhibiting,onacloseinspection,evidenttokensofhavingbeenwornontheprecedingnight。
Itmustbeso,saidMr。Winkle,lettingthecoatfallfromhishands。
Itooktoomuchwineafterdinner,andhaveaveryvaguerecollectionofwalkingaboutthestreetsandsmokingacigarafterwards。Thefactis,Iwasverydrunk——Imusthavechangedmycoat——gonesomewhere——andinsultedsomebody——Ihavenodoubtofit。andthismessageistheterribleconsequence。
Sayingwhich,Mr。Winkleretracedhisstepsinthedirectionofthecoffee-room,withthegloomyanddreadfulresolveofacceptingthechallengeofthewarlikeDoctorSlammer,andabidingbytheworstconsequencesthatmightensue。
TothisdeterminationMr。Winklewasurgedbyavarietyofconsiderations。
thefirstofwhichwas,hisreputationwiththeclub。Hehadalwaysbeenlookeduptoasahighauthorityonallmattersofamusementanddexterity,whetheroffensive,defensive,orinoffensive。andif,onthisveryfirstoccasionofbeingputtothetest,heshrunkbackfromthetrial,beneathhisleader’seye,hisnameandstandingwerelostforever。Besides,herememberedtohavehearditfrequentlysurmisedbytheuninitiatedinsuchmatters,thatbyanunderstoodarrangementbetweentheseconds,thepistolswereseldomloadedwithball。and,furthermore,hereflectedthatifheappliedtoMr。Snodgrasstoactashissecond,anddepictedthedangeringlowingterms,thatgentlemanmightpossiblycommunicatetheintelligencetoMr。Pickwick,whowouldcertainlylosenotimeintransmittingittothelocalauthorities,andthuspreventthekillingormaimingofhisfollower。
Suchwerehisthoughtswhenhereturnedtothecoffee-room,andintimatedhisintentionofacceptingtheDoctor’schallenge。
Willyourefermetoafriend,toarrangethetimeandplaceofmeeting?
saidtheofficer。
Quiteunnecessary,repliedMr。Winkle。namethemtome,andIcanprocuretheattendanceofafriendafterwards。
Shallwesay——sunsetthisevening?inquiredtheofficer,inacarelesstone。
Verygood,repliedMr。Winkle。thinkinginhisheartitwasverybad。
YouknowFortPitt?
Yes。Isawityesterday。
Ifyouwilltakethetroubletoturnintothefieldwhichbordersthetrench,takethefoot-pathtotheleftwhenyouarriveatanangleofthefortification,andkeepstraighton’tillyouseeme,Iwillprecedeyoutoasecludedplace,wheretheaffaircanbeconducted,withoutfearofinterruption。
Fearofinterruption!thoughtMr。Winkle。
Nothingmoretoarrange,Ithink,saidtheofficer。
Iamnotawareofanythingmore,repliedMr。Winkle。Goodmorning。
Goodmorning:andtheofficerwhistledalivelyairashestrodeaway。