Thatmorning’sbreakfastpassedheavilyoff。Mr。Tupmanwasnotinaconditiontorise,aftertheunwonteddissipationofthepreviousnight。
Mr。Snodgrassappearedtolabourunderapoeticaldepressionofspirits。
andevenMr。Pickwickevincedanunusualattachmenttosilenceandsoda-water。
Mr。Winkleeagerlywatchedhisopportunity:itwasnotlongwanting。Mr。
Snodgrassproposedavisittothecastle,andasMr。Winklewastheonlyothermemberofthepartydisposedtowalk,theywentouttogether。
Snodgrass,saidMr。Winkle,whentheyhadturnedoutofthepublicstreet,Snodgrass,mydearfellow,canIrelyuponyoursecrecy?Ashesaidthis,hemostdevoutlyandearnestlyhopedhecouldnot。
Youcan,repliedMr。Snodgrass。Hearmeswear——
No,no,interruptedWinkle,terrifiedattheideaofhiscompanion’sunconsciouslypledginghimselfnottogiveinformation。don’tswear,don’tswear。it’squiteunnecessary。
Mr。Snodgrassdroppedthehandwhichhehad,inthespiritofpoesy,raisedtowardsthecloudsashemadetheaboveappeal,andassumedanattitudeofattention。
Iwantyourassistance,mydearfellow,inanaffairofhonour,saidMr。Winkle。
Youshallhaveit,repliedMr。Snodgrass,claspinghisfriend’shand。
WithaDoctor——DoctorSlammer,oftheNinety-seventh,saidMr。Winkle,wishingtomakethematterappearassolemnaspossible。anaffairwithanofficer,secondedbyanotherofficer,atsunsetthisevening,inalonelyfieldbeyondFortPitt。
Iwillattendyou,saidMr。Snodgrass。
Hewasastonished,butbynomeansdismayed。Itisextraordinaryhowcoolanypartybuttheprincipalcanbeinsuchcases。Mr。Winklehadforgottenthis。Hehadjudgedofhisfriend’sfeelingsbyhisown。
Theconsequencesmaybedreadful,saidMr。Winkle。
Ihopenot,saidMr。Snodgrass。
TheDoctor,Ibelieve,isaverygoodshot,saidMr。Winkle。
Mostofthesemilitarymenare,observedMr。Snodgrass,calmly。butsoareyou,an’tyou?
Mr。Winklerepliedintheaffirmative。andperceivingthathehadnotalarmedhiscompanionsufficiently,changedhisground。
Snodgrass,hesaid,inavoicetremulouswithemotion,ifIfall,youwillfindinapacketwhichIshallplaceinyourhandsanoteformy——formyfather。
Thisattackwasafailurealso。Mr。Snodgrasswasaffected,butheundertookthedeliveryofthenoteasreadilyasifhehadbeenaTwopennyPostman。
IfIfall,saidMr。Winkle,oriftheDoctorfalls,you,mydearfriend,willbetriedasanaccessorybeforethefact。ShallIinvolvemyfriendintransportation——possiblyforlife!
Mr。Snodgrasswincedalittleatthis,buthisheroismwasinvincible。
Inthecauseoffriendship,heferventlyexclaimed,Iwouldbravealldangers。
HowMr。Winklecursedhiscompanion’sdevotedfriendshipinternally,astheywalkedsilentlyalong,sidebyside,forsomeminutes,eachimmersedinhisownmeditations!Themorningwaswearingaway。hegrewdesperate。
Snodgrass,hesaid,stoppingsuddenly,donotletmebebaulkedinthismatter——donotgiveinformationtothelocalauthorities——donotobtaintheassistanceofseveralpeaceofficers,totakeeithermeorDoctorSlammer,oftheNinety-seventhRegiment,atpresentquarteredinChathamBarracks,intocustody,andthuspreventthisduel——Isay,donot。
Mr。Snodgrassseizedhisfriend’shandwarmly,asheenthusiasticallyreplied,Notforworlds!
AthrillpassedoverMr。Winkle’sframeastheconvictionthathehadnothingtohopefromhisfriend’sfears,andthathewasdestinedtobecomeananimatedtarget,rushedforciblyuponhim。
ThestateofthecasehavingbeenformallyexplainedtoMr。Snodgrass,andacaseofsatisfactionpistols,withthesatisfactoryaccompanimentsofpowder,ball,andcaps,havingbeenhiredfromamanufacturerinRochester,thetwofriendsreturnedtotheirinn。Mr。Winkletoruminateontheapproachingstruggle,andMr。Snodgrasstoarrangetheweaponsofwar,andputthemintoproperorderforimmediateuse。
Itwasadullandheavyeveningwhentheyagainsalliedforthontheirawkwarderrand。Mr。Winklewasmuffledupinahugecloaktoescapeobservation,andMr。Snodgrassboreunderhistheinstrumentsofdestruction。
Haveyougoteverything?saidMrWinkle,inanagitatedtone。
Ev’rything,repliedMr。Snodgrass。plentyofammunition,incasetheshotsdon’ttakeeffect。There’saquarterofapoundofpowderinthecase,andIhavegottwonewspapersinmypocketfortheloadings。
Thesewereinstancesoffriendshipforwhichanymanmightreasonablyfeelmostgrateful。Thepresumptionis,thatthegratitudeofMr。Winklewastoopowerfulforutterance,ashesaidnothing,butcontinuedtowalkon——ratherslowly。
Weareinexcellenttime,saidMr。Snodgrass,astheyclimbedthefenceofthefirstfield。thesunisjustgoingdown。Mr。Winklelookedupatthedecliningorb,andpainfullythoughtoftheprobabilityofhisgoingdownhimself,beforelong。
There’stheofficer,exclaimedMr。Winkle,afterafewminutes’walking。
Where?saidMr。Snodgrass。
There——thegentlemaninthebluecloak。Mr。Snodgrasslookedinthedirectionindicatedbytheforefingerofhisfriend,andobservedafigure,muffledup,ashehaddescribed。Theofficerevincedhisconsciousnessoftheirpresencebyslightlybeckoningwithhishand。andthetwofriendsfollowedhimatalittledistance,ashewalkedaway。
Theeveninggrewmoredulleverymoment,andamelancholywindsoundedthroughthedesertedfields,likeadistantgiantwhistlingforhishouse-dog。
ThesadnessofthesceneimpartedasombretingetothefeelingsofMr。
Winkle。Hestartedastheypassedtheangleofthetrench——itlookedlikeacolossalgrave。
Theofficerturnedsuddenlyfromthepath,andafterclimbingapaling,andscalingahedge,enteredasecludedfield。Twogentlemenwerewaitinginit。onewasalittlefatman,withblackhair。andtheother——aportlypersonageinabraidedsurtout——wassittingwithperfectequanimityonacamp-stool。
Theotherparty,andasurgeon,Isuppose,saidMr。Snodgrass。takeadropofbrandy。Mr。Winkleseizedthewickerbottlewhichhisfriendproffered,andtookalengthenedpullattheexhilaratingliquid。
Myfriend,sir,Mr。Snodgrass,saidMr。Winkle,astheofficerapproached。
DoctorSlammer’sfriendbowed,andproducedacasesimilartowhichMr。
Snodgrasscarried。
Wehavenothingfarthertosay,sir,Ithink,hecoldlyremarked,asheopenedthecase。anapologyhasbeenresolutelydeclined。
Nothing,sir,saidMr。Snodgrass,whobegantofeelratheruncomfortablehimself。
Willyoustepforward?saidtheofficer。
Certainly,repliedMr。Snodgrass。Thegroundwasmeasured,andpreliminariesarranged。
Youwillfindthesebetterthanyourown,saidtheoppositesecond,producinghispistols。Yousawmeloadthem。Doyouobjecttousethem?
Certainlynot,repliedMr。Snodgrass。Theofferrelievedhimfromconsiderableembarrassment,forhispreviousnotionsofloadingapistolwererathervagueandundefined。
Wemayplaceourmen,then,Ithink,observedtheofficer,withasmuchindifferenceasiftheprincipalswerechess-men,andthesecondsplayers。
Ithinkwemay,repliedMr。Snodgrass。whowouldhaveassentedtoanyproposition,becauseheknewnothingaboutthematter。TheofficercrosstoDoctorSlammer,andMr。SnodgrasswentuptoMr。Winkle。
It’sallready,hesaid,offeringthepistol。Givemeyourcloak。
Youhavegotthepacket,mydearfellow,saidpoorWinkle。
Allright,saidMr。Snodgrass。Besteady,andwinghim。
ItoccurredtoMr。Winklethatthisadvicewasverylikethatwhichbystandersinvariablygivetothesmallestboyinastreetfight,namely,Goin,andwin:——anadmirablethingtorecommend,ifyouonlyknowhowtodoit。Hetookoffhiscloak,however,insilence——italwaystookalongtimetoundo,thatcloak——andacceptedthepistol。Thesecondsretired,thegentlemanonthecamp-stooldidthesame,andthebelligerentsapproachedeachother。
Mr。Winklewasalwaysremarkableforextremehumanity。Itisconjecturedthathisunwillingnesstohurtafellow-creatureintentionallywasthecauseofhisshuttinghiseyeswhenhearrivedatthefatalspot。andthatthecircumstanceofhiseyesbeingclosed,preventedhisobservingtheveryextraordinaryandunaccountabledemeanourofDoctorSlammer。Thatgentlemanstarted,stared,retreated,rubbedhiseyes,staredagain。and,finally,shoutedStop,stop!
What’sallthis?saidDoctorSlammer,ashisfriendandMr。Snodgrasscamerunningup。That’snottheman。
Nottheman!saidDr。Slammer’ssecond。
Nottheman!saidMr。Snodgrass。
Nottheman!saidthegentlemanwiththecamp-stoolinhishand。
Certainlynot,repliedthelittleDoctor。That’snotthepersonwhoinsultedmelastnight。
Veryextraordinary!exclaimedtheofficer。
Very,saidthegentlemanwiththecamp-stool。Theonlyquestionis,whetherthegentleman,beingontheground,mustnotbeconsidered,asamatterofform,tobetheindividualwhoinsultedourfriend,DoctorSlammer,yesterdayevening,whetherheisreallythatindividualornot:
andhavingdeliveredthissuggestion,withaverysageandmysteriousair,themanwiththecamp-stooltookalargepinchofsnuff,andlookedprofoundlyround,withtheairofanauthorityinsuchmatters。
NowMr。Winklehadopenedhiseyes,andhisearstoo,whenheheardhisadversarycalloutforacessationofhostilities。andperceivingbywhathehadafterwardssaid,thattherewas,beyondallquestion,somemistakeinthematter,heatonceforesawtheincreaseofreputationheshouldinevitablyacquirebyconcealingtherealmotiveofhiscomingout:
hethereforesteppedboldlyforward,andsaid——
Iamnottheperson。Iknowit。
Then,that,saidthemanwiththecamp-stool,isanaffronttoDr。
Slammer,andasufficientreasonforproceedingimmediately。
Praybequiet,Payne,saidtheDoctor’ssecond。Whydidyounotcommunicatethisfacttomethismorning,sir?
Tobesure——tobesure,saidthemanwiththecamp-stool,indignantly。
Ientreatyoutobequiet,Payne,saidtheother。MayIrepeatmyquestion,sir?
Because,sir,repliedMr。Winkle,whohadhadtimetodeliberateuponhisanswer,because,sir,youdescribedanintoxicatedandungentlemanlypersonaswearingacoatwhichIhavethehonour,notonlytowear,buttohaveinvented——theproposeduniform,sir,ofthePickwickClubinLondon。
ThehonourofthatuniformIfeelboundtomaintain,andItherefore,withoutinquiry,acceptedthechallengewhichyouofferedme。
Mydearsir,saidthegood-humouredlittleDoctor,advancingwithextendedhand,Ihonouryourgallantry。Permitmetosay,sir,thatI
highlyadmireyourconduct,andextremelyregrethavingcausedyoutheinconvenienceofthismeeting,tonopurpose。
Ibegyouwon’tmentionit,sir,saidMr。Winkle。
Ishallfeelproudofyouracquaintance,sir,saidthelittleDoctor。
Itwillaffordmethegreatestpleasuretoknowyou,sir,repliedMr。Winkle。ThereupontheDoctorandMr。Winkleshookhands,andthenMr。
WinkleandLieutenantTappletontheDoctor’ssecond,andthenMr。Winkleandthemanwiththecamp-stool,and,finally,Mr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrass——thelast-namedgentlemaninanexcessofadmirationatthenobleconductofhisheroicfriend。
Ithinkwemayadjourn,saidLieutenantTappleton。
Certainly,addedtheDoctor。
Unless,interposedthemanwiththecamp-stool,unlessMr。Winklefeelshimselfaggrievedbythechallenge。inwhichcase,Isubmit,hehasarighttosatisfaction。
Mr。Winkle,withgreatself-denial,expressedhimselfquitesatisfiedalready。
Orpossibly,saidthemanwiththecamp-stool,thegentleman’ssecondmayfeelhimselfaffrontedwithsomeobservationswhichfellfrommeatanearlierperiodofthismeeting:ifso,Ishallbehappytogivehimsatisfactionimmediately。
Mr。Snodgrasshastilyprofessedhimselfverymuchobligedwiththehandsomeofferofthegentlemanwhohadspokenlast,whichhewasonlyinducedtodeclinebyhisentirecontentmentwiththewholeproceedings。Thetwosecondsadjustedthecases,andthewholepartyleftthegroundinamuchmorelivelymannerthantheyhadproceedtoit。
Doyouremainlonghere?inquiredDr。SlammerofMr。Winkle,astheywalkedonmostamicablytogether。
Ithinkweshallleaveherethedayafterto-morrow,wasthereply。
ItrustIshallhavethepleasureofseeingyouandyourfriendatmyrooms,andofspendingapleasanteveningwithyou,afterthisawkwardmistake,saidthelittleDoctor。areyoudisengagedthisevening?
Wehavesomefriendshere,repliedMr。Winkle,andIshouldnotliketoleavethemto-night。PerhapsyouandyourfriendwilljoinusattheBull。
Withgreatpleasure,saidthelittleDoctor。willteno’clockbetoolatetolookinforhalf-an-hour?
Ohdear,no,saidMr。Winkle。Ishallbemosthappytointroduceyoutomyfriends,Mr。PickwickandMr。Tupman。
Itwillgivemegreatpleasure,Iamsure,repliedDoctorSlammer,littlesuspectingwhoMr。Tupmanwas。
Youwillbesuretocome?saidMr。Snodgrass。
Oh,certainly。
Bythistimetheyhadreachedtheroad。Cordialfarewellswereexchanged,andthepartyseparated。DoctorSlammerandhisfriendsrepairedtothebarracks,andMr。Winkle。accompaniedbyhisfriendMr。Snodgrass,returnedtotheirinn。1AremarkableinstanceofthepropheticforceofMr。Jingle’simagination。thisdialogueoccurringintheyear1827,andtheRevolutionin1830。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter3[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERIIIANEWACQUAINTANCE。THESTROLLER’STALE。ADISAGREEABLE
INTERRUPTION,ANDANUNPLEASANTENCOUNTER
MR。PICKWICKhadfeltsomeapprehensionsinconsequenceoftheunusualabsenceofhistwofriends,whichtheirmysteriousbehaviourduringthewholemorninghadbynomeanstendedtodiminish。Itwas,therefore,withmorethanordinarypleasurethatherosetogreetthemwhentheyagainentered。andwithmorethanordinaryinterestthatheinquiredwhathadoccurredtodetainthemfromhissociety。
Inreplytohisquestionsonthispoint,Mr。Snodgrasswasabouttoofferanhistoricalaccountofthecircumstancesjustnowdetailed,whenhewassuddenlycheckedbyobservingthattherewerepresent,notonlyMr。Tupmanandtheirstage-coachcompanionoftheprecedingday,butanotherstrangerofequallysingularappearance。Itwasacare-wornlookingman,whosesallowface,anddeeplysunkeneyes,wererenderedstillmorestrikingthannaturehadmadethem,bythestraightblackhairwhichhunginmatteddisorderhalfwaydownhisface。Hiseyeswerealmostunnaturallybrightandpiercing。hischeek-boneswerehighandprominent。andhisjawsweresolongandlank,thatanobserverwouldhavesupposedthathewasdrawingthefleshofhisfacein,foramoment,bysomecontractionofthemuscles,ifhishalf-openedmouthandimmovableexpressionhadnotannouncedthatitwashisordinaryappearance。Roundhisneckheworeagreenshawl,withthelargeendsstragglingoverhischest,andmakingtheirappearanceoccasionallybeneaththewornbutton-holesofhisoldwaistcoat。Hisuppergarmentwasalongblacksurtout。andbelowitheworewidedrabtrousers,andlargeboots,runningrapidlytoseed。
Itwasonthisuncouth-lookingpersonthatMr。Winkle’seyerested,anditwastowardshimthatMr。Pickwickextendedhishand,whenhesaidAfriendofourfriend’shere。Wediscoveredthismorningthatourfriendwasconnectedwiththetheatreinthisplace,thoughheisnotdesiroustohaveitgenerallyknown,andthisgentlemanisamemberofthesameprofession。Hewasabouttofavouruswithalittleanecdoteconnectedwithit,whenyouentered。
Lotsofanecdote,saidthegreen-coatedstrangerofthedaybefore,advancingtoMr。Winkleandspeakinginalowandconfidentialtone。Rumfellow——doestheheavybusiness——noactor——strangeman——allsortsofmiseries——DismalJemmy,wecallhimonthecircuit。Mr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrasspolitelywelcomedthegentleman,elegantlydesignatedasDismalJemmy。andcallingforbrandyandwater,inimitationoftheremainderofthecompany,seatedthemselvesatthetable。
Now,sir,saidMr。Pickwick,willyouobligeusbyproceedingwithwhatyouweregoingtorelate?
Thedismalindividualtookadirtyrollofpaperfromhispocket,andturningtoMr。Snodgrass,whohadjusttakenouthisnote-book,saidinahollowvoiceperfectlyinkeepingwithhisoutwardman——Areyouthepoet?
I——Idoalittleinthatway,repliedMr。Snodgrass,rathertakenabackbytheabruptnessofthequestion。
Ah!poetrymakeslifewhatlightsandmusicdothestage——striptheoneofitsfalseembellishments,andtheotherofitsillusions,andwhatisthererealineithertoliveorcarefor?
Verytrue,sir,repliedMr。Snodgrass。
Tobebeforethefootlights,continuedthedismalman,islikesittingatagrandcourtshow,andadmiringthesilkendressesofthegaudythrong——tobebehindthemistobethepeoplewhomakethatfinery,uncaredforandunknown,andlefttosinkorswim,tostarveorlive,asfortunewillsit。
Certainly,saidMr。Snodgrass:forthesunkeneyeofthedismalmanrestedonhim,andhefeltitnecessarytosaysomething。
Goon,Jemmy,saidtheSpanishtraveller,likeblack-eyedSusan——allintheDowns——nocroaking——speakout——looklively。
Willyoumakeanotherglassbeforeyoubegin,sir?saidMr。Pickwick。
Thedismalmantookthehint,andhavingmixedaglassofbrandyandwater,andslowlyswallowedhalfofit,openedtherollofpaperandproceeded,partlytoread,andpartlytorelate,thefollowingincident,whichwefindrecordedontheTransactionsoftheclubasTheStroller’sTale。
THESTROLLER’STALE
ThereisnothingofthemarvellousinwhatIamgoingtorelate,saidthedismalman。thereisnothingevenuncommoninit。Wantandsicknessaretoocommoninmanystationsoflife,todeservemorenoticethanisusuallybestowedonthemostordinaryvicissitudesofhumannature。Ihavethrownthesefewnotestogether,becausethesubjectofthemwaswellknowntomeformanyyears。Itracedhisprogressdownwards,stepbystep,untilatlasthereachedthatexcessofdestitutionfromwhichheneverroseagain。
ThemanofwhomIspeakwasalowpantomimeactor。and,likemanypeopleofhisclass,anhabitualdrunkard。Inhisbetterdays,beforehehadbecomeenfeebledbydissipationandemaciatedbydisease,hehadbeeninthereceiptofagoodsalary,which,ifhehadbeencarefulandprudent,hemighthavecontinuedtoreceiveforsomeyears——notmany。becausethesemeneitherdieearly,or,byunnaturallytaxingtheirbodilyenergies,lose,prematurely,thosephysicalpowersonwhichalonetheycandependforsubsistence。Hisbesettingsingainedsofastuponhim,however,thatitwasfoundimpossibletoemployhiminthesituationsinwhichhereallywasusefultothetheatre。
Thepublic-househadafascinationforhimwhichhecouldnotresist。Neglecteddiseaseandhopelesspovertywereascertaintobehisportionasdeathitself,ifheperseveredinthesamecourse。yethedidpersevere,andtheresultmaybeguessed。Hecouldobtainnoengagement,andhewantedbread。
Everybodywhoisatallacquaintedwiththeatricalmattersknowswhatahostofshabby,poverty-strickenmenhangaboutthestageofalargeestablishment——notregularlyengagedactors,butballetpeople,processionmen,tumblers,andsoforth,whoaretakenonduringtherunofapantomime,oranEasterpiece,andarethendischarged,untiltheproductionofsomeheavyspectacleoccasionsanewdemandfortheirservices。Tothismodeoflifethemanwascompelledtoresort。andtakingthechaireverynight,atsomelowtheatricalhouse,atonceputhiminpossessionofafewmoreshillingsweekly,andenabledhimtogratifyhisoldpropensity。Eventhisresourceshortlyfailedhim。hisirregularitiesweretoogreattoadmitofhisearningthewretchedpittancehemightthushaveprocured,andhewasactuallyreducedtoastateborderingonstarvation,onlyprocuringatrifleoccasionallybyborrowingitofsomeoldcompanion,orbyobtaininganappearanceatoneorotherofthecommonestoftheminortheatres。andwhenhedidearnanything,itwasspentintheoldway。
Aboutthistime,andwhenhehadbeenexistingforupwardsofayearnooneknewhow,IhadashortengagementatoneofthetheatresontheSurreysideofthewater,andhereIsawthismanwhomIhadlostsightofforsometime。forIhadbeentravellingintheprovinces,andhehadbeenskulkinginthelanesandalleysofLondon。Iwasdressedtoleavethehouse,andwascrossingthestageonmywayout,whenhetappedmeontheshoulder。NevershallIforgettherepulsivesightthatmetmyeyewhenIturnedround。Hewasdressedforthepantomime,inalltheabsurdityofaclown’scostume。ThespectralfiguresintheDanceofDeath,themostfrightfulshapesthattheablestpaintereverportrayedoncanvas,neverpresentedanappearancehalfsoghastly。Hisbloatedbodyandshrunkenlegs——theirdeformityenhancedahundredfoldbythefantasticdress——theglassyeyes,contrastingfearfullywiththethickwhitepaintwithwhichthefacewasbesmeared。thegrotesquelyornamentedhead,tremblingwithparalysis,andthelong,skinnyhands,rubbedwithwhitechalk——allgavehimahideousandunnaturalappearance,ofwhichnodescriptioncouldconveyanadequateidea,andwhich,tothisday,Ishuddertothinkof。Hisvoicewashollowandtremulous,ashetookmeaside,andinbrokenwordsrecountedalongcatalogueofsicknessandprivations,terminatingasusualwithanurgentrequestfortheloanofatriflingsumofmoney。Iputafewshillingsinhishand,andasIturnedawayIheardtheroaroflaughterwhichfollowedhisfirsttumbleontothestage。
Afewnightsafterwards,aboyputadirtyscrapofpaperinmyhand,onwhichwerescrawledafewwordsinpencil,intimatingthatthemanwasdangerouslyill,andbeggingme,aftertheperformance,toseehimathislodginginsomestreet——Iforgetthenameofitnow——atnogreatdistancefromthetheatre。Ipromisedtocomply,assoonasIcouldgetaway。and,afterthecurtainfell,salliedforthonmymelancholyerrand。
Itwaslate,forIhadbeenplayinginthelastpiece。andasitwasabenefitnight,theperformanceshadbeenprotractedtoanunusuallength。
Itwasadarkcoldnight,withachilldampwind,whichblewtherainheavilyagainstthewindowsandhousefronts。Poolsofwaterhadcollectedinthenarrowandlittle-frequentedstreets,andasmanyofthethinly-scatteredoil-lampshadbeenblownoutbytheviolenceofthewind,thewalkwasnotonlyacomfortless,butmostuncertainone。Ihadfortunatelytakentherightcourse,however,andsucceeded,afteralittledifficulty,infindingthehousetowhichIhadbeendirected——acoal-shed,withonestoryaboveit,inthebackroomofwhichlaytheobjectofmysearch。
Awretched-lookingwoman,theman’swife,metmeonthestairs,and,tellingmethathehadjustfallenintoakindofdoze,ledmesoftlyin,andplacedachairformeatthebedside。Thesickmanwaslyingwithhisfaceturnedtowardsthewall。andashetooknoheedofmypresence,I
hadleisuretoobservetheplaceinwhichIfoundmyself。
Hewaslyingonanoldbedstead,whichturnedupduringtheday。Thetatteredremainsofacheckedcurtainweredrawnroundthebed’shead,toexcludethewind,whichhowevermadeitswayintothecomfortlessroomthroughthenumerouschinksinthedoor,andblewittoandfroeveryinstant。
Therewasalowcinderfireinarustyunfixedgrate。andanoldthree-corneredstainedtable,withsomemedicinebottles,abrokenglass,andafewotherdomesticarticles,wasdrawnoutbeforeit。Alittlechildwassleepingonatemporarybedwhichhadbeenmadeforitonthefloor,andthewomansatonachairbyitsside。Therewereacoupleofshelves,withafewplatesandcupsandsaucers:andapairofstageshoesandacoupleoffoilshungbeneaththem。Withtheexceptionoflittleheapsofragsandbundleswhichhadbeencarelesslythrownintothecornersoftheroom,theseweretheonlythingsintheapartment。
Ihadhadtimetonotetheselittleparticulars,andtomarktheheavybreathingandfeverishstartingsofthesickman,beforehewasawareofmypresence。Inhisrestlessattemptstoprocuresomeeasyresting-placeforhishead,hetossedhishandoutofthebed,anditfellonmine。Hestartedup,andstaredeagerlyinmyface。
`Mr。Hutley,John,’saidhiswife。`Mr。Hutley,thatyousentforto-night,youknow。’
`Ah!’saidtheinvalid,passinghishandacrosshisforehead。`Hutley——Hutley——letmesee。’Heseemedendeavouringtocollecthisthoughtsforafewseconds,andthengraspingmetightlybythewristsaid,`Don’tleaveme——don’tleaveme,oldfellow。She’llmurderme。Iknowshewill。’
`Hashebeenlongso?’saidI,addressinghisweepingwife。
`Sinceyesterdaynight,’shereplied。`John,John,don’tyouknowme?’
`Don’tlethercomenearme,’saidtheman,withashudder,asshestoppedoverhim。`Driveheraway。Ican’tbearhernearme。’Hestaredwildlyather,withalookofdeadlyapprehension,andthenwhisperedinmyear,`Ibeather,Jem。Ibeatheryesterday,andmanytimesbefore。
Ihavestarvedherandtheboytoo。andnowIamweakandhelpless,Jem,she’llmurdermeforit。Iknowshewill。Ifyou’dseenhercry,asIhave,you’dknowittoo。Keepheroff。’Herelaxedhisgrasp,andsankbackexhaustedonthepillow。
Iknewbuttoowellwhatallthismeant。IfIcouldhaveentertainedanydoubtofit,foraninstant,oneglanceofthewoman’spalefaceandwastedformwouldhavesufficientlyexplainedtherealstateofthecase。
`Youhadbetterstandaside,’saidItothepoorcreature。`Youcandohimnogood。Perhapshewillbecalmer,ifhedoesnotseeyou。’Sheretiredoutoftheman’ssight。Heopenedhiseyes,afterafewseconds,andlookedanxiouslyround。
`Isshegone?’heeagerlyinquired。
`Yes——yes,’saidI。`sheshallnothurtyou。’
`I’lltellyouwhat,Jem,’saidtheman,inalowvoice,`shedoeshurtme。There’ssomethinginhereyeswakessuchadreadfulfearinmyheart,thatitdrivesmemad。Alllastnight,herlargestaringeyesandpalefacewereclosetomine。whereverIturned,theyturned。andwheneverIstartedupfrommysleep,shewasatthebedsidelookingatme。’Hedrewmeclosertohim,ashesaidinadeep,alarmedwhisper——`Jem,shemustbeanevilspirit——adevil!Hush!Iknowsheis。Ifshehadbeenawomanshewouldhavediedlongago。Nowomancouldhavebornewhatshehas。’
Isickenedatthethoughtofthelongcourseofcrueltyandneglectwhichmusthaveoccurredtoproducesuchanimpressiononsuchaman。I
couldsaynothinginreply。forwhocouldofferhope,orconsolation,totheabjectbeingbeforeme?
Isatthereforupwardsoftwohours,duringwhichtimehetossedabout,murmuringexclamationsofpainorimpatience,restlesslythrowinghisarmshereandthere,andturningconstantlyfromsidetoside。Atlengthhefellintothatstateofpartialunconsciousness,inwhichthemindwandersuneasilyfromscenetoscene,andfromplacetoplace,withoutthecontrolofreason,butstillwithoutbeingabletodivestitselfofanindescribablesenseofpresentsuffering。Findingfromhisincoherentwanderingsthatthiswasthecase,andknowingthatinallprobabilitythefeverwouldnotgrowimmediatelyworse,Ilefthim,promisinghismiserablewifethatIwouldrepeatmyvisitnextevening,and,ifnecessary,situpwiththepatientduringthenight。
Ikeptmypromise。Thelastfour-and-twentyhourshadproducedafrightfulalteration。Theeyes,thoughdeeplysunkandheavy,shonewithalustrefrightfultobehold。Thelipswereparched,andcrackedinmanyplaces:
thedryhardskinglowedwithaburningheat,andtherewasanalmostunearthlyairofwildanxietyintheman’sface,indicatingevenmorestronglytheravagesofthedisease。Thefeverwasatitsheight。
ItooktheseatIhadoccupiedthenightbefore,andthereIsatforhours,listeningtosoundswhichmuststrikedeeptotheheartofthemostcallousamonghumanbeings——theawfulravingsofadyingman。FromwhatIhadheardofthemedicalattendant’sopinion,Iknewtherewasnohopeforhim:Iwassittingbyhisdeath-bed。Isawthewastedlimbs,whichafewhoursbeforehadbeendistortedfortheamusementofaboisterousgallery,writhingunderthetorturesofaburningfever——Iheardtheclown’sshrilllaugh,blendingwiththelowmurmuringsofthedyingman。
Itisatouchingthingtohearthemindrevertingtotheordinaryoccupationsandpursuitsofhealth,whenthebodyliesbeforeyouweakandhelpless。
butwhenthoseoccupationsareofacharacterthemoststronglyopposedtoanythingweassociatewithgraveorsolemnideas,theimpressionproducedisinfinitelymorepowerful。Thetheatre,andthepublic-house,werethechiefthemesofthewretchedman’swanderings。Itwasevening,hefancied。
hehadaparttoplaythatnight。itwaslate,andhemustleavehomeinstantly。
Whydidtheyholdhim,andpreventhisgoing?——heshouldlosethemoney——hemustgo。No!theywouldnotlethim。Hehidhisfaceinhisburninghands,andfeeblybemoanedhisownweakness,andthecrueltyofhispersecutors。
Ashortpause,andheshoutedoutafewdoggrelrhymes——thelasthehadeverlearnt。Heroseinbed,drewuphiswitheredlimbs,androlledaboutinuncouthpositions。hewasacting——hewasatthetheatre。Aminute’ssilence,andhemurmuredtheburdenofsomeroaringsong。Hehadreachedtheoldhouseatlast:howhottheroomwas。Hehadbeenill,veryill,buthewaswellnow,andhappy。Filluphisglass。Whowasthat,thatdasheditfromhislips?
Itwasthesamepersecutorthathadfollowedhimbefore。Hefellbackuponhispillowandmoanedaloud。Ashortperiodofoblivion,andhewaswanderingthroughatediousmazeoflow-archedrooms——solow,sometimes,thathemustcreepuponhishandsandkneestomakehiswayalong。itwascloseanddark,andeverywayheturned,someobstacleimpededhisprogress。
Therewasinsectstoo,hideouscrawlingthingswitheyesthatstareduponhim,andfilledtheveryairaround:glisteninghorriblyamidstthethickdarknessoftheplace。Thewallsandceilingwerealivewithreptiles——thevaultexpandedtoanenormoussize——frightfulfiguresflittedtoandfro——andthefacesofmenheknew,renderedhideousbygibingandmouthing,peeredoutfromamongthem。theyweresearinghimwithheatedirons,andbindinghisheadwithcordstillthebloodstarted。andhestruggledmadlyforlife。
Atthecloseofoneoftheseparoxysms,whenIhadwithgreatdifficultyheldhimdowninhisbed,hesankintowhatappearedtobeaslumber。Overpoweredwithwatchingandexertion,Ihadclosedmyeyesforafewminutes,whenIfeltaviolentclutchonmyshoulder。Iawokeinstantly。Hehadraisedhimselfup,soastoseathimselfinbed——adreadfulchangehadcomeoverhisface,butconsciousnesshadreturned,forheevidentlyknewme。Thechildwhohadbeenlongsincedisturbedbyhisravings,rosefromitslittlebed,andrantowardsitsfather,screamingwithfright——themotherhastilycaughtitinherarms,lestheshouldinjureitintheviolenceofhisinsanity。but,terrifiedbythealterationofhisfeatures,stoodtransfixedbythebed-side。Hegraspedmyshoulderconvulsively,and,strikinghisbreastwiththeotherhand,madeadesperateattempttoarticulate。Itwasunavailing——heextendedhisarmtowardsthem,andmadeanotherviolenteffort。Therewasarattlingnoiseinthethroat——aglareoftheeye——ashortstifledgroan——andhefellback——dead!
ItwouldaffordusthehighestgratificationtobeenabledtorecordMr。Pickwick’sopinionoftheforegoinganecdote。Wehavelittledoubtthatweshouldhavebeenenabledtopresentittoourreaders,butforamostunfortunateoccurrence。
Mr。Pickwickhadreplacedonthetabletheglasswhich,duringthelastfewsentencesofthetale,hehadretainedinhishand,andhadjustmadeuphismindtospeak——indeed,wehavetheauthorityofMr。Snodgrass’snote-bookforstating,thathehadactuallyopenedhismouth——whenthewaiterenteredtheroom,andsaid——
Somegentlemen,sir。
IthasbeenconjecturedthatMr。Pickwickwasonthepointofdeliveringsomeremarkswhichwouldhaveenlightenedtheworld,ifnottheThames,whenhewasthusinterrupted:forhegazedsternlyonthewaiter’scountenance,andthenlookedroundonthecompanygenerally,asifseekingforinformationrelativetothenew-comers。
Oh!saidMr。Winkle,rising,somefriendsofmine——showthemin。
Verypleasantfellows,addedMr。Winkle,afterthewaiterhadretired——Officersofthe97th,whoseacquaintanceImaderatheroddlythismorning。Youwilllikethemverymuch。
Mr。Pickwick’sequanimitywasatoncerestored。Thewaiterreturned,andusheredthreegentlemenintotheroom。
LieutenantTappleton,saidMr。Winkle,LieutenantTappleton,Mr。
Pickwick——DoctorPayne,Mr。Pickwick——Mr。Snodgrass,youhaveseenbefore:
myfriendMr。Tupman,DoctorPayne——Dr。Slammer,Mr。Pickwick——Mr。Tupman,DoctorSlam——
HereMr。Winklesuddenlypaused。forstrongemotionwasvisibleonthecountenancebothofMr。Tupman,andtheDoctor。
Ihavemetthisgentlemanbefore,saidtheDoctor,withmarkedemphasis。
Indeed!saidMr。Winkle。
And——andthatperson,too,ifIamnotmistaken,saidtheDoctor,bestowingascrutinisingglanceonthegreen-coatedstranger。IthinkIgavethatpersonaverypressinginvitationlastnight,whichhethoughtpropertodecline。SayingwhichtheDoctorscowledmagnanimouslyonthestranger,andwhisperedhisfriendLieutenantTappleton。
Youdon’tsayso,saidthatgentleman,attheconclusionofthewhisper。
Ido,indeed,repliedDoctorSlammer。
Youareboundtokickhimonthespot,murmuredtheownerofthecamp-stoolwithgreatimportance。
Dobequiet,Payne,interposedtheLieutenant。Willyouallowmetoaskyou,sir,hesaid,addressingMr。Pickwick,whowasconsiderablymystifiedbythisveryunpoliteby-play,willyouallowmetoaskyou,sir,whetherthatpersonbelongstoyourparty?
No,sir,repliedMr。Pickwick,heisaguestofours。
Heisamemberofyourclub,orIammistaken?saidtheLieutenant,inquiringly。
Certainlynot,respondedMr。Pickwick。
Andneverwearsyourclub-button?saidtheLieutenant。
No——never!repliedtheastonishedMr。Pickwick。
LieutenantTappletonturnedroundtohisfriendDoctorSlammer,withascarcelyperceptibleshrugoftheshoulder,asifimplyingsomedoubtoftheaccuracyofhisrecollection。ThelittleDoctorlookedwrathful,butconfounded。andMr。PaynegazedwithaferociousaspectonthebeamingcountenanceoftheunconsciousPickwick。
Sir,saidtheDoctor,suddenlyaddressingMr。Tupman,inatonewhichmadethatgentlemanstartasperceptiblyasifapinhadbeencunninglyinsertedinthecalfofhisleg,youwereattheballherelastnight!
Mr。Tupmangaspedafaintaffirmative,lookingveryhardatMr。Pickwickallthewhile。
Thatpersonwasyourcompanion,saidtheDoctor,pointingtothestillunmovedstranger。
Mr。Tupmanadmittedthefact。
Now,sir,saidtheDoctortothestranger,Iaskyouonceagain,inthepresenceofthesegentlemen,whetheryouchoosetogivemeyourcard,andtoreceivethetreatmentofagentleman。orwhetheryouimposeuponmethenecessityofpersonallychastisingyouonthespot?
Stay,sir,saidMr。Pickwick,Ireallycannotallowthismattertogoanyfurtherwithoutsomeexplanation。Tupman,recountthecircumstances。
Mr。Tupman,thussolemnlyadjured,statedthecaseinafewwords。touchedslightlyontheborrowingofthecoat。expatiatedlargelyonitshavingbeendoneafterdinner。woundupwithalittlepenitenceonhisownaccount。
andleftthestrangertoclearhimselfashebestcould。
Hewasapparentlyabouttoproceedtodoso,whenLieutenantTappleton,whohadbeeneyeinghimwithgreatcuriosity,saidwithconsiderablescorn——Haven’tIseenyouatthetheatre,sir?
Certainly,repliedtheunabashedstranger。
Heisastrollingactor,saidtheLieutenant,contemptuously。turningtoDr。Slammer——HeactsinthepiecethattheOfficersofthe52ndgetupattheRochesterTheatreto-morrownight。Youcannotproceedinthisaffair,Slammer——impossible!
Quite!saidthedignifiedPayne。
Sorrytohaveplacedyouinthisdisagreeablesituation,saidLieutenantTappleton,addressingMr。Pickwick。allowmetosuggest,thatthebestwayofavoidingarecurrenceofsuchscenesinfuture,willbetobemoreselectinthechoiceofyourcompanions。Goodevening,sir!andtheLieutenantbouncedoutoftheroom。
Andallowmetosay,sir,saidtheirascibleDoctorPayne,thatifIhadbeenTappleton,orifIhadbeenSlammer,Iwouldhavepulledyournose,sir,andthenoseofeverymaninthiscompany。Iwould,sir,everyman。Payneismyname,sir——DoctorPayneofthe43rd。Goodevening,sir。Havingconcludedthisspeech,andutteredthethreelastwordsinaloudkey,hestalkedmajesticallyafterhisfriend,closelyfollowedbyDoctorSlammer,whosaidnothing,butcontendedhimselfbywitheringthecompanywithalook。
RisingrageandextremebewildermenthadswelledthenoblebreastofMr。Pickwick,almosttotheburstingofhiswaistcoat,duringthedeliveryoftheabovedefiance。Hestoodtransfixedtothespot,gazingonvacancy。
Theclosingofthedoorrecalledhimtohimself。Herushedforwardwithfuryinhislooks,andfireinhiseye。Hishandwasuponthelockofthedoor。inanotherinstantitwouldhavebeenonthethroatofDr。Payneofthe43rd,hadnotMr。Snodgrassseizedhisreveredleaderbythecoattail,anddraggedhimbackwards。
Restrainhim,criedMr。Snodgrass,Winkle,Tupman——hemustnotperilhisdistinguishedlifeinsuchacauseasthis。
Letmego,saidMr。Pickwick。
Holdhimtight,shoutedMr。Snodgrass。andbytheunitedeffortsofthewholecompany,Mr。Pickwickwasforcedintoanarm-chair。
Leavehimalone,saidthegreen-coatedstranger——brandyandwater——jollyoldgentleman——lotsofpluck——swallowthis——ah!——capitalstuff。Havingpreviouslytestedthevirtuesofabumper,whichhadbeenmixedbythedismalman,thestrangerappliedtheglasstoMr。Pickwick’smouth。andtheremainderofitscontentsrapidlydisappeared。
Therewasashortpause。thebrandyandwaterhaddoneitswork。theamiablecountenanceofMr。Pickwickwasfastrecoveringitscustomaryexpression。
Theyarenotworthyournotice,saidthedismalman。
Youareright,sir,repliedMr。Pickwick,theyarenot。Iamashamedtohavebeenbetrayedintothiswarmthoffeeling。Drawyourchairuptothetable,sir。
Thedismalmanreadilycomplied:acirclewasagainformedroundthetable,andharmonyoncemoreprevailed。Somelingeringirritabilityappearedtofindaresting-placeinMr。Winkle’sbosom,occasionedpossiblybythetemporaryabstractionofhiscoat——thoughitisscarcelyreasonabletosupposethatsoslightacircumstancecanhaveexcitedevenapassingfeelingofangerinaPickwickianbreast。Withthisexception,theirgoodhumourwascompletelyrestored。andtheeveningconcludedwiththeconvivialitywithwhichithadbegun。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers:Chapter4[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERIVAFIELDDAYANDBIVOUAC。MORENEWFRIENDS。ANINVITATION
TOTHECOUNTRY
MANYauthorsentertain,notonlyafoolish,butareallydishonestobjectiontoacknowledgethesourcesfromwhencetheyderivemuchvaluableinformation。Wehavenosuchfeeling。Wearemerelyendeavouringtodischarge,inanuprightmanner,theresponsibledutiesofoureditorialfunctions。andwhateverambitionwemighthavefeltunderothercircumstancestolayclaimtotheauthorshipoftheseadvantures,aregardfortruthforbidsustodomorethanclaimthemeritoftheirjudiciousarrangementandimpartialnarration。ThePickwickPapersareourNewRiverHead。andwemaybecomparedtotheNewRiverCompany。Thelaboursofothershaveraisedforusanimmensereservoirofimportantfacts。Wemerelylaythemon,andcommunicatethem,inaclearandgentlestream,throughthemediumofthesenumbers,toaworldthirstingforPickwickianknowledge。
Actinginthisspirit,andresolutelyproceedingonourdeterminationtoavowourobligationstotheauthoritieswehaveconsulted,wefranklysay,thattothenote-bookofMr。Snodgrassareweindebtedfortheparticularsrecordedinthis,andthesucceedingchapter——particularswhich,nowthatwehavedisburdenedourconscience,weshallproceedtodetailwithoutfurthercomment。
ThewholepopulationofRochesterandtheadjoiningtownsrosefromtheirbedsatanearlyhourofthefollowingmorning,inastateoftheutmostbustleandexcitement。AgrandreviewwastotakeplaceupontheLines。Themanoeuvresofhalf-a-dozenregimentsweretobeinspectedbytheeagleeyeofthecommander-in-chief。temporaryfortificationshadbeenerected,thecitadelwastobeattackedandtaken,andaminewastobesprung。
Mr。Pickwickwas,asourreadersmayhavegatheredfromtheslightextractwegavefromhisdescriptionofChatham,anenthusiasticadmirerofthearmy。Nothingcouldhavebeenmoredelightfultohim——nothingcouldhaveharmonisedsowellwiththepeculiarfeelingofeachofhiscompanions——asthissight。Accordinglytheyweresoona-foot,andwalkinginthedirectionofthesceneofaction,towardswhichcrowdsofpeoplewerealreadypouringfromavarietyofquarters。
TheappearanceofeverythingontheLinesdenotedthattheapproachingceremonywasoneoftheutmostgrandeurandimportance。Thereweresentriespostedtokeepthegroundforthetroops,andservantsonthebatterieskeepingplacesfortheladies,andsergeantsrunningtoandfro,withvellum-coveredbooksundertheirarms,andColonelBulder,infullmilitaryuniform,onhorseback,gallopingfirsttooneplaceandthentoanother,andbackinghishorseamongthepeople,andprancing,andcurvetting,andshoutinginamostalarmingmanner,andmakinghimselfveryhoarseinthevoice,andveryredintheface,withoutanyassignablecauseorreasonwhatever。
Officerswererunningbackwardsandforwards,firstcommunicatingwithColonelBulder,andthenorderingthesergeants,andthenrunningawayaltogether。andeventheveryprivatesthemselveslookedfrombehindtheirglazedstockswithanairofmysterioussolemnity,whichsufficientlybespokethespecialnatureoftheoccasion。
Mr。Pickwickandhisthreecompanionsstationedthemselvesinthefrontrankofthecrowd,andpatientlyawaitedthecommencementoftheproceedings。
Thethrongwasincreasingeverymoment。andtheeffortstheywerecompelledtomake,toretainthepositiontheyhadgained,sufficientlyoccupiedtheirattentionduringthetwohoursthatensued。Atonetimetherewasasuddenpressurefrombehind。andthenMr。Pickwickwasjerkedforwaardforseveralyards,withadegreeofspeedandelasticityhighlyinconsistentwiththegeneralgrvityofhisdemeanour。atanothermomenttherewasarequesttokeepbackfromthefront,andthenthebutt-endofamusketwaseitherdroppeduponMr。Pickwick’stoe,toremindhimofthedemand,orthrustintohischest,toensureitsbeingcompliedwith。Thensomefacetiousgentlemanontheleft,afterpressingsidewaysinabody,andsqueezingMr。Snodgrassintotheverylastextremeofhumantorture,wouldrequesttoknowverehevosashovin’to。andwhenMr。Winklehaddoneexpressinghisexcessiveindignationatwitnessingthisunprovokedassault,somepersonbehindwouldknockhishatoverhiseyes,andbegthefavourofhisputtinghisheadinhispocket。These,andotherpracticalwitticisms,coupledwiththeunaccountableabsenceofMr。Tupmanwhohadsuddenlydisappeared,andwasnowheretobefound,renderedtheirsituationuponthewholerathermoreuncomfortablethanpleasingordesirable。
Atlengththatlowroarofmanyvoicesranthroughthecrowd,whichusuallyannouncesthearrivalofwhatevertheyhavebeenwaitingfor。Alleyeswereturnedinthedirectionofthesally-port。Afewmomentsofeagerexpectation,andcolourswereseenflutteringgailyintheair,armsglistenedbrightlyinthesun,columnaftercolumnpouredontotheplain。Thetroopshaltedandformed。thewordofcommandrungthroughtheline,therewasageneralclashofmusketsasarmswerepresented。andthecommander-in-chief,attendedbyColonelBulderandnumerousofficers,canteredtothefront。
Themilitarybandsstruckupalltogether。thehorsesstoodupontwolegseach,canteredbackwards,andwhiskedtheirtailsaboutinalldirections:
thedogsbarked,themobscreamed,thetroopsrecovered,andnothingwastobeseenoneitherside,asfarastheeyecouldreach,butalongperspectiveofredcoatsandwhitetrousers,fixedandmotionless。
Mr。Pickwickhadbeensofullyoccupiedinfallingabout,anddisentanglinghimself,miraculously,frombetweenthelegsofhorses,thathehadnotenjoyedsufficientleisuretoobservethescenebeforehim,untilitassumedtheappearancewehavejustdescribed。Whenhewasatlastenabledtostandfirmlyonhislegs,hisgratificationanddelightwereunbounded。
Cananythingbefinerormoredelightful?heinquiredofMr。Winkle。
Nothing,repliedthatgentleman,whohadhadashortmanstandingoneachofhisfeetforthequarterofanhourimmediatelypreceding。
Itisindeedanobleandabrilliantsight,saidMr。Snodgrass,inwhosebosomablazeofpoetrywasrapidlyburstingforth,toseethegallantdefendersoftheircountrydrawnupinbrilliantarraybeforeitspeacefulcitizens。theirfacesbeaming——notwithwarlikeferocity,butwithcivilisedgentleness。theireyesflashing——notwiththerudefireofrapineorrevenge,butwiththesoftlightofhumanityandintelligence。
Mr。Pickwickfullyenteredintothespiritofthiseulogium,buthecouldnotexactlyre-echoitsterms。forthesoftlightofintelligenceburntratherfeeblyintheeyesofthewarriors,inasmuchasthecommandeyesfronthadbeengiven,andallthespectatorsawbeforehimwasseveralthousandpairsofoptics,staringstraightforward,whollydivestedofanyexpressionwhatever。
Weareinacapitalsituationnow,saidMr。Pickwick,lookingroundhim。Thecrowdhadgraduallydispersedintheirimmediatevicinity,andtheywerenearlyalone。
Capital!echoedbothMr。SnodgrassandMr。Winkle。
Whataretheydoingnow?inquiredMr。Pickwick,adjustinghisspectacles。
I——I——ratherthink,saidMr。Winkle,changingcolour——Iratherthinkthey’regoingtofire。
Nonsense,saidMr。Pickwick,hastily。
I——I——reallythinktheyare,urgedMr。Snodgrass,somewhatalarmed。
Impossible,repliedMr。Pickwick。Hehadhardlyutteredtheword,whenthewholehalf-dozenregimentslevelledtheirmusketsasiftheyhadbutonecommonobject,andthatobjectthePickwickians,andburstforthwiththemostawfulandtremendousdischargethatevershooktheearthtoitscentre,oranelderlygentlemanoffhis。
Itwasinthistryingsituation,exposedtoagallingfireofblankcartridges,andharassedbytheoperationsofthemilitary,afreshbodyofwhomhadbeguntofallinontheoppositeside,thatMr。Pickwickdisplayedthatperfectcoolnessandself-possession,whicharetheindispensableaccompanimentsofagreatmind。HeseizedMr。Winklebythearm,andplacinghimselfbetweenthatgentlemanandMr。Snodgrass,earnestlybesoughtthemtorememberthatbeyondthepossibilityofbeingrendereddeafbythenoise,therewasnoimmediatedangertobeapprehendedfromthefiring。
But——but——supposesomeofthemenshouldhappentohaveballcartridgesbymistake,remonstratedMr。Winkle,pallidatthesuppositionhewashimselfconjuringup。Iheardsomethingwhistlethroughtheairjustnow——sosharp。closetomyear。
Wehadbetterthrowourselvesonourfaces,hadn’twe?saidMr。Snodgrass。
No,no——it’sovernow,saidMr。Pickwick。Hislipmightquiver,andhischeekmightblanch,butnoexpressionoffearorconcernescapedthelipsofthatimmortalman。
Mr。Pickwickwasright:thefiringceased。buthehadscarcelytimetocongratulatehimselfontheaccuracyofhisopinion,whenaquickmovementwasvisibleintheline:thehoarseshoutofthewordofcommandranalongit,andbeforeeitherofthepartycouldformaguessatthemeaningofthisnewmanoeuvre,thewholeofthehalf-dozenregiments,withfixedbayonets,chargedatdoublequicktimedownupontheveryspotonwhichMr。Pickwickandhisfriendswerestationed。
Manisbutmortal:andthereisapointbeyondwhichhumancouragecannotextend。Mr。Pickwickgazedthroughhisspectaclesforaninstantontheadvancingmass,andthenfairlyturnedhisbackand——wewillnotsayfled。
firstly,becauseitisanignobleterm,and,secondly,becauseMr。Pickwick’sfigurewasbynomeansadaptedforthatmodeofretreat——hetrottedaway,atasquickarateashislegswouldconveyhim。soquickly,indeed,thathedidnotperceivetheawkwardnessofhissituation,tothefullextent,untiltoolate。
Theoppositetroops,whosefalling-inhadperplexedMr。
Pickwickafewsecondsbefore,weredrawnuptorepelthemimicattackoftheshambesiegersofthecitadel。andtheconsequencewasthatMr。
Pickwickandhistwocompanionsfoundthemselvessuddenlyinclosedbetweentwolinesofgreatlength,theoneadvancingatarapidpace,andtheotherfirmlywaitingthecollisioninhostilearray。
Hoi!shoutedtheofficersoftheadvancingline。
Getoutoftheway!criedtheofficersofthestationaryone。
Wherearewetogoto?screamedtheagitatedPickwickians。
Hoi——hoi——hoi!wastheonlyreply。Therewasamomentofintensebewilderment,aheavytrampoffootsteps,aviolentconcussion,asmotheredlaugh。thehalf-dozenregimentswerehalfathousandyardsoff,andthesolesofMr。
Pickwick’sbootswereelevatedinair。
Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklehadeachperformedacompulsorysomersetwithremarkableagility,whenthefirstobjectthatmettheeyesofthelatterashesatontheground,staunchingwithayellowsilkhandkerchiefthestreamoflifewhichissuedfromhisnose,washisveneratedleaderatsomedistanceoff,runningafterhisownhat,whichwasgambolingplayfullyawayinperspective。
Thereareveryfewmomentsinaman’sexistencewhenheexperiencessomuchludicrousdistress,ormeetswithsolittlecharitablecommiseration,aswhenheisinpursuitofhisownhat。Avastdealofcoolness,andapeculiardegreeofjudgment,arerequisiteincatchingahat。Amanmustnotbeprecipitate,orherunsoverit。hemustnotrushintotheoppositeextreme,orhelosesitaltogether。Thebestwayis,tokeepgentlyupwiththeobjectofpursuit,tobewaryandcautious,towatchyouropportunitywell,getgraduallybeforeit,thenmakearapiddive,seizeitbythecrown,andstickitfirmlyonyourhead:smilingpleasantlyallthetime,asifyouthoughtitasgoodajokeasanybodyelse。
Therewasafinegentlewind,andMr。Pickwick’shatrolledsportivelybeforeit。Thewindpuffed,andMr。Pickwickpuffed,andthehatrolledoverandoverasmerrilyasalivelyporpoiseinastrongtide。andonitmighthaverolled,farbeyondMr。Pickwick’sreach,hadnotitscoursebeenprovidentiallystopped,justasthatgentlemanwasonthepointofresigningittoitsfate。
Mr。Pickwick,wesay,wascompletelyexhausted,andabouttogiveupthechase,whenthehatwasblownwithsomeviolenceagainstthewheelofacarriage,whichwasdrawnupinalinewithhalf-a-dozenothervehiclesonthespottowhichhisstepshadbeendirected。Mr。Pickwick,perceivinghisadvantage,dartedbrisklyforward,securedhisproperty,planteditonhishead,andpausedtotakebreath。Hehadnotbeenstationaryhalfaminute,whenheheardhisownnameeagerlypronouncedbyavoice,whichheatoncerecognisedasMr。Tupman’s,and,lookingupwards,hebeheldasightwhichfilledhimwithsurpriseandpleasure。
Inanopenbarouche,thehorsesofwhichhadbeentakenout,thebettertoaccommodateittothecrowdedplace,stoodastoutoldgentleman,inabluecoatandbrightbuttons,corduroybreechesandtop-boots,twoyoungladiesinscarfsandfeathers,ayounggentlemanapparentlyenamouredofoneoftheyoungladiesinscarfsandfeathers,aladyofdoubtfulage,probablytheauntoftheaforesaid,andMr。Tupman,aseasyandunconcernedasifhehadbelongedtothefamilyfromthefirstmomentsofhisinfancy。
Fastenedupbehindthebarouchewasahamperofspaciousdimensions——oneofthosehamperswhichalwaysawakensinacontemplativemindassociationsconnectedwithcoldfowls,tongues,andbottlesofwine——andontheboxsatafatandred-facedboy,inastateofsomnolency,whomnospeculativeobservercouldhaveregardedforaninstantwithoutsettingdownastheofficialdispenserofthecontentsofthebefore-mentionedhamper,whenthepropertimefortheirconsumptionshouldarrive。
Mr。Pickwickhadbestowedahastyglanceontheseinterestingobjects,whenhewasagaingreetedbyhisfaithfuldisciple。
Pickwick——Pickwick,saidMr。Tupman:comeuphere。Makehaste。
Comealong,sir。Pray,comeup,saidthestoutgentleman。Joe!——damnthatboy,he’sgonetosleepagain——Joe,letdownthesteps。Thefatboyrolledslowlyoffthebox,letdownthesteps,andheldthecarriagedoorinvitinglyopen。Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklecameupatthemoment。
Roomforyouall,gentlemen,saidthestoutman。Twoinside,andoneout。Joe,makeroomforoneofthesegentlemenonthebox。Now,sir,comealong。andthestoutgentlemanextendedhisarm,andpulledfirstMr。Pickwick,andthenMr。Snodgrass,intothebarouchebymainforce。
Mr。Winklemountedtothebox,thefatboywaddledtothesameperch,andfellfastasleepinstantly。
Well,gentlemen,saidthestoutman,verygladtoseeyou。Knowyouverywell,gentlemen,thoughyoumayn’trememberme。Ispentsomeev’ninsatyourclublastwinter——pickedupmyfriendMr。Tupmanherethismorning,andverygladIwastoseehim。Well,sir,andhowareyou?Youdolookuncommonwell,tobesure。
Mr。Pickwickacknowledgedthecompliment,andcordiallyshookhandswiththestoutgentlemaninthetopboots。
Well,andhowareyou,sir?saidthestoutgentleman,addressingMr。
Snodgrasswithpaternalanxiety。Charming,eh?Well,that’sright——that’sright。Andhowareyou,sirtoMr。Winkle?Well,Iamgladtohearyousayyouarewell。verygladIam,tobesure。Mydaughters,gentlemen——mygalstheseare。andthat’smysister,MissRachaelWardle。She’saMiss,sheis。andyetshean’taMiss——eh,sir,eh?AndthestoutgentlemanplayfullyinsertedhiselbowbetweentheribsofMr。Pickwick,andlaughedveryheartily。
Lor,brother!saidMissWardle,withadeprecatingsmile。
True,true,saidthestoutgentleman。noonecandenyit。Gentlemen,Ibegyourpardon。thisismyfriendMr。Trundle。Andnowyouallknoweachother,let’sbecomfortableandhappy,andseewhat’sgoingforward。
that’swhatIsay。Sothestoutgentlemanputonhisspectacles,andMr。
Pickwickpulledouthisglass,andeverybodystoodupinthecarriage,andlookedoversomebodyelse’sshoulderattheevolutionsofthemilitary。
Astoundingevolutionstheywere,onerankfiringovertheheadsofanotherrank,andthenrunningaway。andthentheotherrankfiringovertheheadsofanotherrank,andrunningawayintheirturn。andthenformingsquares,withofficersinthecentre。andthendescendingthetrenchononesidewithscalingladders,andascendingitontheotheragainbythesamemeans。
andknockingdownbarricadesofbaskets,andbehavinginthemostgallantmannerpossible。Thentherewassucharammingdownofthecontentsofenormousgunsonthebattery,withinstrumentslikemagnifiedmops。suchapreparationbeforetheywereletoff,andsuchanawfulnoisewhentheydidgo,thattheairresoundedwiththescreamsofladies。TheyoungMissWardlesweresofrightened,thatMr。Trundlewasactuallyobligedtoholdoneofthemupinthecarriage,whileMr。Snodgrasssupportedtheother,andMr。Wardle’ssistersufferedundersuchadreadfulstateofnervousalarm,thatMr。Tupmanfounditindispensablynecessarytoputhisarmroundherwaist,tokeepherupatall。Everybodywasexcited,exceptthefatboy,andhesleptassoundlyasiftheroaringofcannonwerehisordinarylullaby。
Joe,Joe!saidthestoutgentleman,whenthecitadelwastaken,andthebesiegersandbesiegedsatdowntodinner。Damnthatboy,he’sgonetosleepagain。Begoodenoughtopinchhim,sir——intheleg,ifyouplease。
nothingelsewakeshim——thankyou。Undothehamper,Joe。
Thefatboy,whohadbeeneffectuallyrousedbythecompressionofaportionofhislegbetweenthefingerandthumbofMr。Winkle,rolledofftheboxonceagain,andproceededtounpackthehamper,withmoreexpeditionthancouldhavebeenexpectedfromhispreviousinactivity。
Now,wemustsitclose,saidthestoutgentleman。Afteragreatmanyjokesaboutsqueezingtheladies’sleeves,andavastquantityofblushingatsundryjocoseproposals,thattheladiesshouldsitinthegentlemen’slaps,thewholepartywerestoweddowninthebarouche。andthestoutgentlemanproceededtohandthethingsfromthefatboywhohadmountedupbehindforthepurposeintothecarriage。
Now,Joe,knivesandforks。Theknivesandforkswerehandedin,andtheladiesandgentlemeninside,andMr。Winkleonthebox,wereeachfurnishedwiththoseusefulinstruments。
Plates,Joe,plates。Asimilarprocessemployedinthedistributionofthecrockery。
Now,Joe,thefowls。Damnthatboy。he’sgonetosleepagain。Joe!
Joe!Sundrytapsontheheadwithastick,andthefatboy,withsomedifficulty,rousedfromhislethargy。Come,handintheeatables。
Therewassomethinginthesoundofthelastwordwhichrousedtheunctuousboy。Hejumpedup:andtheleadeneyes,whichtwinkledbehindhismountainouscheeks,leeredhorriblyuponthefoodasheunpackeditfromthebasket。
Nowmakehaste,saidMr。Wardle。forthefatboywashangingfondlyoveracapon,whichheseemedwhollyunabletopartwith。Theboysigheddeeply,and,bestowinganardentgazeuponitsplumpness,unwillinglyconsignedittohismaster。
That’sright——looksharp。Nowthetongue——nowthepigeon-pie。Takecareofthatvealandham——mindthelobsters——takethesaladoutofthecloth——givemethedressing。SuchwerethehurriedorderswhichissuedfromthelipsofMr。Wardle,ashehandedinthedifferentarticlesdescribed,andplaceddishesineverybody’shands,andoneverybody’sknees,inendlessnumber。
Nowan’tthiscapital?inquiredthatjollypersonage,whentheworkofdestructionhadcommenced。
Capital!saidMr。Winkle,whowascarvingafowlonthebox。
Glassofwine?
Withthegreatestpleasure。
You’dbetterhaveabottletoyourself,upthere,hadn’tyou?
You’reverygood。
Joe!
Yes,sir。Hewasn’tasleepthistime,havingjustsucceededinabstractingavealpatty。
Bottleofwinetothegentlemanonthebox。Gladtoseeyou,sir。
Thank’ee。Mr。Winkleemptiedhisglass,andplacedthebottleonthecoach-box,byhisside。
Willyoupermitmetohavethepleasure,sir?saidMr。TrundletoMr。Winkle。
Withgreatpleasure,repliedMr。WinkletoMr。Trundle:andthenthetwogentlementookwine,afterwhichtheytookaglassofwineround,ladiesandall。
HowdearEmilyisflirtingwiththestrangergentleman,whisperedthespinsteraunt,withtruespinster-aunt-likeenvy,toherbrotherMr。
Wardle。
Oh!Idon’tknow,saidthejollyoldgentleman。allverynatural,Idaresay——nothingunusual。Mr。Pickwick,somewine,sir?Mr。Pickwick,whohadbeendeeplyinvestigatingtheinteriorofthepigeon-pie,readilyassented。
Emily,mydear,saidthespinsteraunt,withapatronisingair,don’ttalksoloud,love。
Lor’,aunt!
Auntandthelittleoldgentlemanwanttohaveitalltothemselves,Ithink,whisperedMissIsabellaWardletohersisterEmily。Theyoungladieslaughedveryheartily,andtheoldonetriedtolookamiable,butcouldn’tmanageit。
Younggirlshavesuchspirits,saidMissWardletoMr。Tupman,withanairofgentlecommiseration,asifanimalspiritswerecontraband,andtheirpossessionwithoutapermit,ahighcrimeandmisdemeanour。
Oh,theyhave,repliedMr。Tupman,notexactlymakingthesortofreplythatwasexpectedfromhim。It’squitedelightful。
Hem!saidMissWardle,ratherdubiously。
Willyoupermitme,saidMr。Tupman,inhisblandestmanner,touchingtheenchantingRachael’swristwithonehand,andgentlyelevatingthebottlewiththeother。Willyoupermitme?
Oh,sir!Mr。Tupmanlookedmostimpressive。andRachaelexpressedherfearthatmoregunsweregoingoff,inwhichcase,ofcourse,shewouldhaverequiredsupportagain。
Doyouthinkmydearniecespretty?whisperedtheiraffectionateaunttoMr。Tupman。
Ishould,iftheirauntwasn’there,repliedthereadyPickwickian,withapassionateglance。
Oh,younaughtyman——butreally,iftheircomplexionswerealittlelittlebetter,don’tyouthinktheywouldbenice-lookinggirls——bycandle-light?
Yes。Ithinktheywould。saidMr。Tupman,withanairofindifference。
Oh,youquiz——Iknowwhatyouweregoingtosay。
What?inquiredMr。Tupman,whohadnotpreciselymadeuphismindtosayanythingatall。
Youweregoingtosay,thatIsabelstoops——Iknowyouwere——youmenaresuchobservers。Well,soshedoes。itcan’tbedenied。and,certainly,ifthereisonethingmorethananotherthatmakesagirllookugly,itisstooping。Ioftentellher,thatwhenshegetsalittleolder,she’llbequitefrightful。Well,youareaquiz!
Mr。Tupmanhadnoobjectiontoearningthereputationatsocheaparate:sohelookedveryknowing,andsmiledmysteriously。
Whatasarcasticsmile,saidtheadmiringRachael:IdeclareI’mquiteafraidofyou。
Afraidofme!
Oh,youcan’tdisguiseanythingfromme——Iknowwhatthatsmilemeans,verywell。
What?saidMr。Tupman,whohadnottheslightestnotionhimself。
Youmean,saidtheamiableaunt,sinkinghervoicestilllower——Youmean,thatyoudon’tthinkIsabella’sstoopingisasbadasEmily’sboldness。
Well,sheisbold!Youcannotthinkhowwretcheditmakesmesometimes。