Bequiet，can’tyou，murmuredSam。
　　Sam，whisperedMr。Weller，amomentafterwards，inatoneofdeepagitation，markmyvords，myboy。Ifthat’eresecretaryfellowkeepsonforonlyfiveminutesmore，he’llblowhisselfupwithtoastandwater。
　　Well，lethim，ifhelikes，repliedSam。itain’tnobis’nesso’
　　yourn。
　　Ifthisherelastsmuchlonger，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，inthesamelowvoice，Ishallfeelitmyduty，asahumanbein’，toriseandaddressthecheer。There’sayoung’oomanonthenextformbuttwo，ashasdrunkninebreakfastcupsandahalf。andshe’saswellin’wisiblybeforemyweryeyes。
　　ThereislittledoubtthatMr。Wellerwouldhavecarriedhisbenevolentintentionintoimmediateexecution，ifagreatnoise，occasionedbyputtingupthecupsandsaucers，hadnotveryfortunatelyannouncedthatthetea-drinkingwasover。Thecrockeryhavingbeenremoved，thetablewiththegreenbaizecoverwascarriedoutintothecentreoftheroom，andthebusinessoftheeveningwascommencedbyalittleemphaticman，withabaldhead，anddrabshorts，whosuddenlyrusheduptheladder，attheimminentperilofsnappingthetwolittlelegsencasedinthedrabshorts，andsaid：
　　Ladiesandgentlemen，Imoveourexcellentbrother，Mr。AnthonyHumm，intothechair。
　　Theladieswavedachoicecollectionofpocket-handkerchiefsatthisproposition：andtheimpetuouslittlemanliterallymovedMr。Hummintothechair，bytakinghimbytheshouldersandthrustinghimintoamahogany-framewhichhadoncerepresentedthatarticleoffurniture。Thewavingofhandkerchiefswasrenewed。andMr。Humm，whowasasleek，white-facedman，inaperpetualperspiration，bowedmeekly，tothegreatadmirationofthefemales，andformallytookhisseat。Silencewasthenproclaimedbythelittlemaninthedrabshorts，andMr。Hummroseandsaid——That，withthepermissionofhisBrickLaneBranchbrothersandsisters，thenandtherepresent，thesecretarywouldreadthereportoftheBrickLaneBranchcommittee。
　　apropositionwhichwasagainreceivedwithademonstrationofpocket-handkerchiefs。
　　Thesecretaryhavingsneezedinaveryimpressivemanner，andthecoughwhichalwaysseizesanassembly，whenanythingparticularisgoingtobedone，havingbeendulyperformed，thefollowingdocumentwasread：
　　REPORTOFTHECOMMITTEEOFTHEBRICKLANEBRANCHOFTHE
　　UNITEDGRANDJUNCTIONEBENEZERTEMPERANCEASSOCIATION
　　Yourcommitteehavepursuedtheirgratefullaboursduringthepastmonth，andhavetheunspeakablepleasureofreportingthefollowingadditionalcasesofconvertstoTemperance。
　　H。Walker，tailor，wife，andtwochildren。Wheninbettercircumstances，ownstohavingbeenintheconstanthabitofdrinkingaleandbeer。saysheisnotcertainwhetherhedidnottwiceaweek，fortwentyyears，taste`dog’snose，’whichyourcommitteefinduponinquiry，tobecompoundedofwarmporter，moistsugar，gin，andnutmegagroan，and`Soitis！’
　　fromanelderlyfemale。Isnowoutofworkandpenniless。thinksitmustbetheportercheersorthelossoftheuseofhisrighthand。isnotcertainwhich，butthinksitverylikelythat，ifhehaddrunknothingbutwaterallhislife，hisfellowworkmanwouldneverhavestuckarustyneedleinhim，andtherebyoccasionedhisaccidenttremendouscheering。
　　Hasnothingbutcoldwatertodrink，andneverfeelsthirstygreatapplause。
　　BetsyMartin，widow，onechild，andoneeye。Goesoutcharingandwashing，bytheday。neverhadmorethanoneeye，butknowshermotherdrankbottledstout，andshouldn’twonderifthatcauseditimmensecheering。Thinksitnotimpossiblethatifshehadalwaysabstainedfromspirits，shemighthavehadtwoeyesbythistimetremendousapplause。Used，ateveryplaceshewentto，tohaveeighteenpenceaday，apintofporter，andaglassofspirits。butsinceshebecameamemberoftheBrickLaneBranch，hasalwaysdemandedthreeandsixpenceinsteadtheannouncementofthismostinterestingfactwasreceivedwithdeafeningenthusiasm。
　　HenryBellerwasformanyyearstoast-masteratvariouscorporationdinners，duringwhichtimehedrankagreatdealofforeignwine。maysometimeshavecarriedabottleortwohomewithhim。isnotquitecertainofthat，butissureifhedid，thathedrankthecontents。Feelsverylowandmelancholy，isveryfeverish，andhasaconstantthirstuponhim。thinksitmustbethewineheusedtodrinkcheers。Isoutofemploynow：andnevertouchesadropofforeignwinebyanychancetremendousplaudits。
　　ThomasBurtonispurveyorofcat’smeattotheLordMayorandSheriffs，andseveralmembersoftheCommonCounciltheannouncementofthisgentleman’snamewasreceivedwithbreathlessinterest。Hasawoodenleg。findsawoodenlegexpensive，goingoverthestones。usedtowearsecond-handwoodenlegs，anddrinkaglassofhotginandwaterregularlyeverynight——sometimestwodeepsighs。Foundthesecond-handwoodenlegssplitandrotveryquickly。isfirmlypersuadedthattheirconstitutionwasunderminedbytheginandwaterprolongedcheering。Buysnewwoodenlegsnow，anddrinksnothingbutwaterandweaktea。Thenewlegslasttwiceaslongastheothersusedtodo，andheattributesthissolelytohistemperatehabitstriumphantcheers。
　　AnthonyHummnowmovedthattheassemblydoregaleitselfwithasong。
　　Withaviewtotheirrationalandmoralenjoyment，BrotherMordlinhadadaptedthebeautifulwordsofWhohasn’theardofaJollyYoungWaterman？
　　tothetuneoftheOldHundredth，whichhewouldrequestthemtojoinhiminsinginggreatapplause。HemighttakethatopportunityofexpressinghisfirmpersuasionthatthelateMr。Dibdin，seeingtheerrorsofhisformerlife，hadwrittenthatsongtoshowtheadvantagesofabstinence。
　　Itwasatemperancesongwhirlwindsofcheers。Theneatnessoftheyoungman’sattire，thedexterityofhisfeathering，theenviablestateofmindwhichenabledhiminthebeautifulwordsofthepoet，toRowalong，thinkingofnothingatall，allcombinedtoprovethathemusthavebeenawater-drinkercheers。Oh，whatastateofvirtuousjollity！rapturouscheering。Andwhatwastheyoungman’sreward？Letallyoungmenpresentmarkthis：Themaidensallflock’dtohisboatsoreadily。Loudcheers，inwhichtheladiesjoined。Whatabrightexample！Thesisterhood，themaidens，flockingroundtheyoungwaterman，andurginghimalongthestreamofdutyandoftemperance。But，wasitthemaidensofhumblelifeonly，whosoothed，consoled，andsupportedhim？No！Hewasalwaysfirstoarswiththefinecityladies。Immensecheering。Thesoftsextoaman——hebeggedpardon，toafemale——ralliedroundtheyoungwaterman，andturnedwithdisgustfromthedrinkerofspiritscheers。TheBrickLaneBranchbrotherswerewatermencheersandlaughter。
　　Thatroomwastheirboat。thataudiencewerethemaidens。andheMr。AnthonyHumm，howeverunworthily，wasfirstoarsunboundedapplause。
　　Wotdoeshemeanbythesoftsex，Sammy？inquiredMr。Weller，inawhisper。
　　Thewomin，saidSam，inthesametone。
　　Heain’tfaroutthere，Sammy，repliedMr。Weller。theymustbeasoftsex，——awerysoftsex，indeed——iftheyletthemselvesbegammonedbysuchfellersashim。
　　Anyfurtherobservationsfromtheindignantoldgentlemanwerecutshortbytheannouncementofthesong，whichMr。AnthonyHummgaveout，twolinesatatime，fortheinformationofsuchofhishearersaswereunacquaintedwiththelegend。Whileitwasbeingsung，thelittlemanwiththedrabshortsdisappeared。hereturnedimmediatelyonitsconclusion，andwhisperedMr。AnthonyHumm，withafaceofthedeepestimportance。
　　Myfriends，saidMr。Humm，holdinguphishandinadeprecatorymanner，tobespeakthesilenceofsuchofthestoutoldladiesaswereyetalineortwobehind。myfriends，adelegatefromtheDorkingbranchofourSociety，BrotherStiggins，attendsbelow。
　　Outcamethepocket-handkerchiefsagain，ingreaterforcethanever。
　　forMr。StigginswasexcessivelypopularamongthefemaleconstituencyofBrickLane。
　　Hemayapproach，Ithink，saidMr。Humm，lookingroundhim，withafatsmile。BrotherTadger，lethimcomeforthandgreetus。
　　ThelittlemaninthedrabshortswhoansweredtothenameofBrotherTadger，bustleddowntheladderwithgreatspeed，andwasimmediatelyafterwardsheardtumblingupwiththereverendMr。Stiggins。
　　He’sisacomin’，Sammy，whisperedMr。Weller，purpleinthecountenancewithsuppressedlaughter。
　　Don’tsaynothin’tome，repliedSam，forIcan’tbearit。He’sclosetothedoor。Iheardhima-knockin’hisheadagainthelathandplasternow。
　　AsSamWellerspoke，thelittledoorflewopen，andBrotherTadgerappeared，closelyfollowedbythereverendMr。Stiggins，whonosoonerentered，thantherewasagreatclappingofhands，andstampingoffeet，andflourishingofhandkerchiefs。toallofwhichmanifestationsofdelight，BrotherStigginsreturnednootheracknowledgmentthanstaringwithawildeye，andafixedsmile，attheextremetopofthewickofthecandleonthetable：swayinghisbodytoandfro，meanwhile，inaveryunsteadyanduncertainmanner。
　　Areyouunwell，BrotherStiggins？whisperedMr。AnthonyHumm。
　　Iamallright，sir，repliedMr。Stiggins，inatoneinwhichferocitywasblendedwithanextremethicknessofutterance。Iamallright，sir。
　　Oh，verywell，rejoinedMr。AnthonyHumm，retreatingafewpaces。
　　Ibelievenomanhere，hasventuredtosaythatIamnotallright，sir？saidMr。Stiggins。
　　Oh，certainlynot，saidMr。Humm。
　　Ishouldadvisehimnotto，sir。Ishouldadvisehimnot，saidMr。
　　Stiggins。
　　Bythistimetheaudiencewereperfectlysilent，andwaitedwithsomeanxietyfortheresumptionofbusiness。
　　Willyouaddressthemeeting，brother？saidMr。Humm，withasmileofinvitation。
　　No，sir，rejoinedMr。Stiggins。No，sir。Iwillnot，sir。
　　Themeetinglookedateachotherwithraisedeye-lids。andamurmurofastonishmentranthroughtheroom。
　　It’smyopinion，sir，saidMr。Stiggins，unbuttoninghiscoat，andspeakingveryloudly。it’smyopinion，sir，thatthismeetingisdrunk，sir。BrotherTadger，sir！saidMr。Stiggins，suddenlyincreasinginferocity，andturningsharproundonthelittlemaninthedrabshorts，youaredrunk，sir！Withthis，Mr。Stiggins，entertainingapraiseworthydesiretopromotethesobrietyofthemeeting，andtoexcludetherefromallimpropercharacters，hitBrotherTadgeronthesummitofthenosewithsuchunerringaim，thatthedrabshortsdisappearedlikeaflashoflightning。BrotherTadgerhadbeenknocked，headfirst，downtheladder。
　　Uponthis，thewomensetupaloudanddismalscreaming。andrushinginsmallpartiesbeforetheirfavouritebrothers，flungtheirarmsaroundthemtopreservethemfromdanger。Aninstanceofaffection，whichhadnearlyprovedfataltoHumm，who，beingextremelypopular，wasallbutsuffocated，bythecrowdoffemaledevoteesthathungabouthisneck，andheapedcaressesuponhim。Thegreaterpartofthelightswerequicklyputout，andnothingbutnoiseandconfusionresoundedonallsides。
　　Now，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，takingoffhisgreatcoatwithmuchdeliberation，justyoustepout，andfetchinawatchman。
　　Andwotareyouagoin’todo，thewhile？inquiredSam。
　　Neveryoumindme，Sammy，repliedtheoldgentleman。Ishallockipymyselfinhavin’asmallsettlementwiththat’ereStiggins。BeforeSamcouldinterferetopreventit，hisheroicparenthadpenetratedintoaremotecorneroftheroom，andattackedthereverendMr。Stigginswithmanualdexterity。
　　Comeoff！saidSam。
　　Comeon！criedMr。Weller。andwithoutfurtherinvitationhegavethereverendMr。Stigginsapreliminarytaponthehead，andbegandancingroundhiminabuoyantandcork-likemanner，whichinagentlemanathistimeoflifewasaperfectmarveltobehold。
　　Findingallremonstranceunavailing，Sampulledhishatfirmlyon，threwhisfather’scoatoverhisarm，andtakingtheoldmanroundthewaist，forciblydraggedhimdowntheladder，andintothestreet。neverreleasinghishold，orpermittinghimtostop，untiltheyreachedthecorner。Astheygainedit，theycouldheartheshoutsofthepopulace，whowerewitnessingtheremovalofthereverendMr。Stigginstostronglodgingsforthenight：
　　andcouldhearthenoiseoccasionedbythedispersioninvariousdirectionsofthemembersoftheBrickLaneBranchoftheUnitedGrandJunctionEbenezerTemperanceAssociation。
　　[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter34[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXIVISWHOLLYDEVOTEDTOAFULLANDFAITHFULREPORTOF
　　THEMEMORABLETRIALOFBARDELLAGAINSTPICKWICK
　　IWONDERwhattheforemanofthejury，whoeverhe’llbe，hasgotforbreakfast，saidMr。Snodgrass，bywayofkeepingupaconversationontheeventfulmorningofthefourteenthofFebruary。
　　Ah！saidPerker，Ihopehe’sgotagoodone。
　　Whyso？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
　　Highlyimportant。veryimportant，mydearsir，repliedPerker。A
　　good，contented，well-breakfastedjuryman，isacapitalthingtogetholdof。Discontentedorhungryjurymen，mydearsir，alwaysfindfortheplaintiff。
　　Blessmyheart，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingveryblank。whatdotheydothatfor？
　　Why，Idon’tknow，repliedthelittleman，coolly。savestime，I
　　suppose。Ifit’sneardinner-time，theforemantakesouthiswatchwhenthejuryhasretired，andsays，`Dearme，gentlemen，tenminutestofive，Ideclare！Idineatfive，gentlemen。’`SodoI，’sayseverybodyelse，excepttwomenwhooughttohavedinedatthree，andseemmorethanhalfdisposedtostandoutinconsequence。Theforemansmiles，andputsuphiswatch：——`Well，gentlemen，whatdowesay，plaintiffordefendant，gentlemen？
　　Iratherthink，sofarasIamconcerned，gentlemen，——Isay，Iratherthink，——butdon’tletthatinfluenceyou——Iratherthinktheplaintiff’stheman。’Uponthis，twoorthreeothermenaresuretosaythattheythinksotoo——asofcoursetheydo。andthentheygetonveryunanimouslyandcomfortably。Tenminutespastnine！saidthelittleman，lookingathiswatch。Timewewereoff，mydearsir。breachofpromisetrial——courtisgenerallyfullinsuchcases。Youhadbetterringforacoach，mydearsir，orweshallberatherlate。
　　Mr。Pickwickimmediatelyrangthebell。andacoachhavingbeenprocured，thefourPickwickiansandMr。Perkerensconcedthemselvestherein，anddrovetoGuildhall。SamWeller，Mr。Lowten，andthebluebag，followinginacab。
　　Lowten，saidPerker，whentheyreachedtheouterhallofthecourt，putMr。Pickwick’sfriendsinthestudents’box。Mr。Pickwickhimselfhadbettersitbyme。Thisway，mydearsir，thisway。TakingMr。Pickwickbythecoat-sleeve，thelittlemanledhimtothelowseatjustbeneaththedesksoftheKing’sCounsel，whichisconstructedfortheconvenienceofattorneys，whofromthatspotcanwhisperintotheearoftheleadingcounselinthecase，anyinstructionsthatmaybenecessaryduringtheprogressofthetrial。Theoccupantsofthisseatareinvisibletothegreatbodyofspectators，inasmuchastheysitonamuchlowerlevelthaneitherthebarristersortheaudience，whoseseatsareraisedabovethefloor。Ofcoursetheyhavetheirbackstoboth，andtheirfacestowardsthejudge。
　　That’sthewitness-box，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick，pointingtoakindofpulpit，withabrassrail，onhislefthand。
　　That’sthewitness-box，mydearsir，repliedPerker，disinterringaquantityofpapersfromthebluebag，whichLowtenhadjustdepositedathisfeet。
　　Andthat，saidMr。Pickwick，pointingtoacoupleofenclosedseatsonhisright，that’swherethejurymensit，isitnot？
　　Theidenticalplace，mydearsir，repliedPerker，tappingthelidofhissnuff-box。
　　Mr。Pickwickstoodupinastateofgreatagitation，andtookaglanceatthecourt。Therewerealreadyaprettylargesprinklingofspectatorsinthegallery，andanumerousmusterofgentlemeninwigs，inthebarristers’
　　seats：whopresented，asabody，allthatpleasingandextensivevarietyofnoseandwhiskerforwhichthebarofEnglandissojustlycelebrated。
　　Suchofthegentlemenashadabrieftocarry，carrieditinasconspicuousamanneraspossible，andoccasionallyscratchedtheirnosestherewith，toimpressthefactmorestronglyontheobservationofthespectators。
　　Othergentlemen，whohadnobriefstoshow，carriedundertheirarmsgoodlyoctavos，witharedlabelbehind，andthatunderdone-pie-crust-colouredcover，whichistechnicallyknownaslawcalf。Others，whohadneitherbriefsnorbooks，thrusttheirhandsintotheirpockets，andlookedaswiseastheyconvenientlycould。others，again，movedhereandtherewithgreatrestlessnessandearnestnessofmanner，contenttoawakentherebytheadmirationandastonishmentoftheuninitiatedstrangers。Thewhole，tothegreatwondermentofMr。Pickwick，weredividedintolittlegroups，whowerechattinganddiscussingthenewsofthedayinthemostunfeelingmannerpossible，——justasifnotrialatallwerecomingon。
　　AbowfromMr。Phunky，asheentered，andtookhisseatbehindtherowappropriatedtotheKing’sCounsel，attractedMr。Pickwick’sattention。
　　andhehadscarcelyreturnedit，whenMr。SerjeantSnubbinappeared，followedbyMr。Mallard，whohalfhidtheSerjeantbehindalargecrimsonbag，whichheplacedonhistable，and，aftershakinghandswithPerker，withdrew。
　　ThenthereenteredtwoorthreemoreSerjeants。andamongthem，onewithafatbodyandaredface，whonoddedinafriendlymannertoMr。SerjeantSnubbin，andsaiditwasafinemorning。
　　Who’sthatred-facedman，whosaiditwasafinemorning，andnoddedtoourcounsel？whisperedMr。Pickwick。
　　Mr。SerjeantBuzfuz，repliedPerker。He’sopposedtous。heleadsontheotherside。ThatgentlemanbehindhimisMr。Skimpin，hisjunior。
　　Mr。Pickwickwasonthepointofinquiring，withgreatabhorrenceoftheman’scold-bloodedvillainy，howMr。SerjeantBuzfuz，whowascounselfortheoppositeparty，daredtopresumetotellMr。SerjeantSnubbin，whowascounselforhim，thatitwasafinemorning，whenhewasinterruptedbyageneralrisingofthebarristers，andaloudcryofSilence！fromtheofficersofthecourt。Lookinground，hefoundthatthiswascausedbytheentranceofthejudge。
　　Mr。JusticeStareleighwhosatintheabsenceoftheChiefJustice，occasionedbyindisposition，wasamostparticularlyshortman，andsofat，thatheseemedallfaceandwaistcoat。Herolledin，upontwolittleturnedlegs，andhavingbobbedgravelytothebar，whobobbedgravelytohim，puthislittlelegsunderneathhistable，andhislittlethree-corneredhatuponit。andwhenMr。JusticeStareleighhaddonethis，allyoucouldseeofhimwastwoqueerlittleeyes，onebroadpinkface，andsomewhereabouthalfofabigandverycomical-lookingwig。
　　Thejudgehadnosoonertakenhisseat，thantheofficeronthefloorofthecourtcalledoutSilence！inacommandingtone，uponwhichanotherofficerinthegallerycriedSilence！inanangrymanner，whereuponthreeorfourmoreushersshoutedSilence！inavoiceofindignantremonstrance。
　　Thisbeingdone，agentlemaninblack，whosatbelowthejudge，proceededtocalloverthenamesofthejury。andafteragreatdealofbawling，itwasdiscoveredthatonlytenspecialjurymenwerepresent。Uponthis，Mr。SerjeantBuzfuzprayedatales。thegentlemaninblackthenproceededtopressintothespecialjury，twoofthecommonjurymen。andagreen-grocerandachemistwerecaughtdirectly。
　　Answertoyournames，gentlemen，thatyoumaybesworn，saidthegentlemaninblack。RichardUpwitch。
　　Here，saidthegreen-grocer。
　　ThomasGroffin。
　　Here，saidthechemist。
　　Takethebook，gentlemen。Youshallwellandtrulytry——
　　Ibegthiscourt’spardon，saidthechemist，whowasatall，thin，yellow-visagedman，butIhopethiscourtwillexcusemyattendance。
　　Onwhatgrounds，sir？saidMr。JusticeStareleigh。
　　Ihavenoassistant，myLord，saidthechemist。
　　Ican’thelpthat，sir，repliedMr。JusticeStareleigh。Youshouldhireone。
　　Ican’taffordit，myLord，rejoinedthechemist。
　　Thenyououghttobeabletoaffordit，sir，saidthejudge，reddening。
　　forJusticeStareleigh’stemperborderedontheirritable，andbrookednotcontradiction。
　　IknowIoughttodo，ifIgotonaswellasIdeserved，butIdon’t，myLord，answeredthechemist。
　　Swearthegentleman，saidthejudge，peremptorily。
　　TheofficerhadgotnofurtherthantheYoushallwellandtrulytry，
　　whenhewasagaininterruptedbythechemist。
　　Iamtobesworn，myLord，amI？saidthechemist。
　　Certainly，sir，repliedthetestylittlejudge。
　　Verywell，myLord，repliedthechemist，inaresignedmanner。Thenthere’llbemurderbeforethistrial’sover。that’sall。Swearme，ifyouplease，sir。andswornthechemistwas，beforethejudgecouldfindwordstoutter。
　　Imerelywantedtoobserve，myLord，saidthechemist，takinghisseatwithgreatdeliberation，thatI’veleftnobodybutanerrand-boyinmyshop。Heisaveryniceboy，myLord，butheisnotacquaintedwithdrugs。andIknowthattheprevailingimpressiononhismindis，thatEpsomsaltsmeansoxalicacid。andsyrupofsenna，laudanum。That’sall，myLord。
　　Withthis，thetallchemistcomposedhimselfintoacomfortableattitude，and，assumingapleasantexpressionofcountenance，appearedtohavepreparedhimselffortheworst。
　　Mr。Pickwickwasregardingthechemistwithfeelingsofthedeepesthorror，whenaslightsensationwasperceptibleinthebodyofthecourt。
　　andimmediatelyafterwardsMrs。Bardell，supportedbyMrs。Cluppins，wasledin，andplacedinadroopingstate，attheotherendoftheseatonwhichMr。Pickwicksat。AnextrasizedumbrellawasthenhandedinbyMr。
　　Dodson，andapairofpattensbyMr。Fogg，eachofwhomhadpreparedamostsympathisingandmelancholyfacefortheoccasion。Mrs。Sandersthenappeared，leadinginMasterBardell。Atsightofherchild，Mrs。Bardellstarted。suddenlyrecollectingherself，shekissedhiminafranticmanner。
　　thenrelapsingintoastateofhystericalimbecility，thegoodladyrequestedtobeinformedwhereshewas。Inreplytothis，Mrs。CluppinsandMrs。
　　Sandersturnedtheirheadsawayandwept，whileMessrs。DodsonandFoggintreatedtheplaintifftocomposeherself。SerjeantBuzfuzrubbedhiseyesveryhardwithalargewhitehandkerchief，andgaveanappealinglooktowardsthejury，whilethejudgewasvisiblyaffected，andseveralofthebeholderstriedtocoughdowntheiremotions。
　　Verygoodnotionthat，indeed，whisperedPerkertoMr。Pickwick。CapitalfellowsthoseDodsonandFogg。excellentideasofeffect，mydearsir，excellent。
　　AsPerkerspoke，Mrs。Bardellbegantorecoverbyslowdegrees，whileMrs。Cluppins，afteracarefulsurveyofMasterBardell’sbuttonsandthebutton-holestowhichtheyseverallybelonged，placedhimonthefloorofthecourtinfrontofhismother，——acommandingpositioninwhichhecouldnotfailtoawakenthefullcommiserationandsympathyofbothjudgeandjury。Thiswasnotdonewithoutconsiderableopposition，andmanytears，onthepartoftheyounggentlemanhimself，whohadcertaininwardmisgivingsthattheplacinghimwithinthefullglareofthejudge’seyewasonlyaformalpreludetohisbeingimmediatelyorderedawayforinstantexecution，orfortransportationbeyondtheseas，duringthewholetermofhisnaturallife，attheveryleast。
　　BardellandPickwick，criedthegentlemaninblack，callingonthecase，whichstoodfirstonthelist。
　　Iamfortheplaintiff，myLord，saidMr。SerjeantBuzfuz。
　　Whoiswithyou，brotherBufzuz？saidthejudge。Mr。Skimpinbowed，tointimatethathewas。
　　Iappearforthedefendant，myLord，saidMr。SerjeantSnubbin。
　　Anybodywithyou，brotherSnubbin？inquiredthecourt。
　　Mr。Phunky，myLord，repliedSerjeantSnubbin。
　　SerjeantBuzfuzandMr。Skimpinfortheplaintiff，saidthejudge，writingdownthenamesinhisnote-book，andreadingashewrote。forthedefendant，SerjeantSnubbinandMr。Monkey。
　　BegyourLordship’spardon，Phunky。
　　Oh，verygood，saidthejudge。Ineverhadthepleasureofhearingthegentleman’snamebefore。HereMr。Phunkybowedandsmiled，andthejudgebowedandsmiledtoo，andthenMr。Phunky，blushingintotheverywhitesofhiseyes，triedtolookasifhedidn’tknowthateverybodywasgazingathim：athingwhichnomaneversucceededindoingyet，orinallreasonableprobability，everwill。
　　Goon，saidthejudge。
　　Theushersagaincalledsilence，andMr。Skimpinproceededtoopenthecase。andthecaseappearedtohaveverylittleinsideitwhenhehadopenedit，forhekeptsuchparticularsasheknew，completelytohimself，andsatdown，afteralapseofthreeminutes，leavingthejuryinpreciselythesameadvancedstageofwisdomastheywereinbefore。
　　SerjeantBuzfuzthenrosewithallthemajestyanddignitywhichthegravenatureoftheproceedingsdemanded，andhavingwhisperedtoDodson，andconferredbrieflywithFogg，pulledhisgownoverhisshoulders，settledhiswig，andaddressedthejury。
　　SerjeantBuzfuzbeganbysaying，thatnever，inthewholecourseofhisprofessionalexperience——never，fromtheveryfirstmomentofhisapplyinghimselftothestudyandpracticeofthelaw——hadheapproachedacasewithfeelingsofsuchdeepemotion，orwithsuchaheavysenseoftheresponsibilityimposeduponhim——aresponsibility，hewouldsay，whichhecouldneverhavesupported，werehenotbuoyedupandsustainedbyaconvictionsostrong，thatitamountedtopositivecertaintythatthecauseoftruthandjustice，or，inotherwords，thecauseofhismuch-injuredandmostoppressedclient，mustprevailwiththehigh-mindedandintelligentdozenofmenwhomhenowsawinthatboxbeforehim。
　　Counselusuallybegininthisway，becauseitputsthejuryontheverybesttermswiththemselves，andmakesthemthinkwhatsharpfellowstheymustbe。Avisibleeffectwasproducedimmediately。severaljurymenbeginningtotakevoluminousnoteswiththeutmosteagerness。
　　Youhaveheardfrommylearnedfriend，gentlemen，continuedSerjeantBuzfuz，wellknowingthat，fromthelearnedfriendalludedto，thegentlemenofthejuryhadheardjustnothingatall——youhaveheardfrommylearnedfriend，gentlemen，thatthisisanactionforabreachofpromiseofmarriage，inwhichthedamagesarelaidat1，500。Butyouhavenotheardfrommylearnedfriend，inasmuchasitdidnotcomewithinmylearnedfriend’sprovincetotellyou，whatarethefactsandcircumstancesofthecase。
　　Thosefactsandcircumstances，gentlemen，youshallheardetailedbyme，andprovedbytheunimpeachablefemalewhomIwillplaceinthatboxbeforeyou。
　　HereMr。SerjeantBuzfuz，withatremendousemphasisonthewordbox，
　　smotehistablewithamightysound，andglancedatDodsonandFogg，whonoddedadmirationoftheserjeant，andindignantdefianceofthedefendant。
　　Theplaintiff，gentlemen，continuedSerjeantBuzfuz，inasoftandmelancholyvoice，theplaintiffisawidow。yes，gentlemen，awidow。ThelateMr。Bardell，afterenjoying，formanyyears，theesteemandconfidenceofhissovereign，asoneoftheguardiansofhisroyalrevenues，glidedalmostimperceptiblyfromtheworld，toseekelsewhereforthatreposeandpeacewhichacustom-housecanneverafford。
　　AtthispatheticdescriptionofthedeceaseofMr。Bardell，whohadbeenknockedontheheadwithaquart-potinapublic-housecellar，thelearnedserjeant’svoicefaltered，andheproceededwithemotion：
　　Sometimebeforehisdeath，hehadstampedhislikenessuponalittleboy。Withthislittleboy，theonlypledgeofherdepartedexciseman，Mrs。
　　Bardellshrunkfromtheworld，andcourtedtheretirementandtranquillityofGoswellStreet。andheresheplacedinherfrontparlour-windowawrittenplacard，bearingthisinscription——`Apartmentsfurnishedforasinglegentleman。
　　Inquirewithin。’HereSerjeantBuzfuzpaused，whileseveralgentlemenofthejurytookanoteofthedocument。
　　Thereisnodatetothat，isthere，sir？inquiredajuror。
　　Thereisnodate，gentlemen，repliedSerjeantBuzfuz。butIaminstructedtosaythatitwasputintheplaintiff’sparlour-windowjustthistimethreeyears。Iintreattheattentionofthejurytothewordingofthisdocument，`Apartmentsfurnishedforasinglegentlemen’！Mrs。Bardell’sopinionsoftheoppositesex，gentlemen，werederivedfromalongcontemplationoftheinestimablequalitiesofherlosthusband。Shehadnofear，shehadnodistrust，shehadnosuspicion，allwasconfidenceandreliance。
　　`Mr。Bardell，’saidthewidow。`Mr。Bardellwasamanofhonour，Mr。Bardellwasamanofhisword，Mr。Bardellwasnodeceiver，Mr。Bardellwasonceasinglegentlemanhimself。tosinglegentlemenIlookforprotection，forassistance，forcomfort，andforconsolation。insinglegentlemenIshallperpetuallyseesomethingtoremindmeofwhatMr。Bardellwas，whenhefirstwonmyyounganduntriedaffections。toasinglegentleman，then，shallmylodgingsbelet。’Actuatedbythisbeautifulandtouchingimpulseamongthebestimpulsesofourimperfectnature，gentlemen，thelonelyanddesolatewidowdriedhertears，furnishedherfirstfloor，caughttheinnocentboytohermaternalbosom，andputthebillupinherparlour-window。
　　Diditremaintherelong？No。Theserpentwasonthewatch，thetrainwaslaid，theminewaspreparing，thesapperandminerwasatwork。Beforethebillhadbeenintheparlour-windowthreedays——threedays——gentlemen——aBeing，erectupontwolegs，andbearingalltheoutwardsemblanceofaman，andnotofamonster，knockedatthedoorofMrs。Bardell’shouse。
　　Heinquiredwithin。hetookthelodgings。andontheverynextdayheenteredintopossessionofthem。ThismanwasPickwick——Pickwick，thedefendant。
　　SerjeantBuzfuz，whohadproceededwithsuchvolubilitythathisfacewasperfectlycrimson，herepausedforbreath。ThesilenceawokeMr。JusticeStareleigh，whoimmediatelywrotedownsomethingwithapenwithoutanyinkinit，andlookedunusuallyprofound，toimpressthejurywiththebeliefthathealwaysthoughtmostdeeplywithhiseyesshut。SerjeantBuzfuzproceeded。
　　OfthismanPickwickIwillsaylittle。thesubjectpresentsbutfewattractions。andI，gentlemen，amnottheman，norareyou，gentlemen，themen，todelightinthecontemplationofrevoltingheartlessness，andofsystematicvillainy。
　　HereMr。Pickwick，whohadbeenwrithinginsilenceforsometime，gaveaviolentstart，asifsomevagueideaofassaultingSerjeantBuzfuz，intheaugustpresenceofjusticeandlaw，suggesteditselftohismind。AnadmonitorygesturefromPerkerrestrainedhim，andhelistenedtothelearnedgentleman’scontinuationwithalookofindignation，whichcontrastedforciblywiththeadmiringfacesofMrs。CluppinsandMrs。Sanders。
　　Isaysystematicvillainy，gentlemen，saidSerjeantBuzfuz，lookingthroughMr。Pickwick，andtalkingathim。andwhenIsaysystematicvillainy，letmetellthedefendantPickwick，ifhebeincourt，asIaminformedheis，thatitwouldhavebeenmoredecentinhim，morebecoming，inbetterjudgment，andinbettertaste，ifhehadstoppedaway。Letmetellhim，gentlemen，thatanygesturesofdissentordisapprobationinwhichhemayindulgeinthiscourtwillnotgodownwithyou。thatyouwillknowhowtovalueandhowtoappreciatethem。andletmetellhimfurther，asmylordwilltellyou，gentlemen，thatacounsel，inthedischargeofhisdutytohisclient，isneithertobeintimidated，norbullied，norputdown。andthatanyattempttodoeithertheoneortheother，orthefirst，orthelast，willrecoilontheheadoftheattempter，beheplaintifforbehedefendant，behisnamePickwick，orNoakes，orStoakes，orStiles，orBrown，orThompson。
　　Thislittledivergencefromthesubjectinhand，hadofcourse，theintendedeffectofturningalleyestoMr。Pickwick。SerjeantBuzfuz，havingpartiallyrecoveredfromthestateofmoralelevationintowhichhehadlashedhimself，resumed：
　　Ishallshowyou，gentlemen，thatfortwoyearsPickwickcontinuedtoresideconstantly，andwithoutinterruptionorintermission，atMrs。
　　Bardell’shouse。IshallshowyouthatMrs。Bardell，duringthewholeofthattimewaitedonhim，attendedtohiscomforts，cookedhismeals，lookedouthislinenforthewasherwomanwhenitwentabroad，darned，aired，andprepareditforwear，whenitcamehome，and，inshort，enjoyedhisfullesttrustandconfidence。Ishallshowyouthat，onmanyoccasions，hegavehalfpence，andonsomeoccasionsevensixpences，toherlittleboy。andIshallprovetoyou，byawitnesswhosetestimonyitwillbeimpossibleformylearnedfriendtoweakenorcontrovert，thatononeoccasionhepattedtheboyonthehead，and，afterinquiringwhetherhehadwonanyalleytorsorcommoneyslatelybothofwhichIunderstandtobeaparticularspeciesofmarblesmuchprizedbytheyouthofthistown，madeuseofthisremarkableexpression：`Howshouldyouliketohaveanotherfather？’Ishallprovetoyou，gentlemen，thataboutayearago，Pickwicksuddenlybegantoabsenthimselffromhome，duringlongintervals，asifwiththeintentionofgraduallybreakingofffrommyclient。butIshallshowyoualso，thathisresolutionwasnotatthattimesufficientlystrong，orthathisbetterfeelingsconquered，ifbetterfeelingshehas，orthatthecharmsandaccomplishmentsofmyclientprevailedagainsthisunmanlyintentions。byprovingtoyou，thatononeoccasion，whenhereturnedfromthecountry，hedistinctlyandinterms，offeredhermarriage：previouslyhowever，takingspecialcarethatthereshouldbenowitnesstotheirsolemncontract。andIaminasituationtoprovetoyou，onthetestimonyofthreeofhisownfriends，——mostunwillingwitnesses，gentlemen——mostunwillingwitnesses——thatonthatmorninghewasdiscoveredbythemholdingtheplaintiffinhisarms，andsoothingheragitationbyhiscaressesandendearments。
　　Avisibleimpressionwasproducedupontheauditorsbythispartofthelearnedserjeant’saddress。Drawingforthtwoverysmallscrapsofpaper，heproceeded：
　　Andnow，gentlemen，butonewordmore。Twolettershavepassedbetweentheseparties，letterswhichareadmittedtobeinthehandwritingofthedefendant，andwhichspeakvolumesindeed。Theseletters，too，bespeakthecharacteroftheman。Theyarenotopen，fervent，eloquentepistles，breathingnothingbutthelanguageofaffectionateattachment。Theyarecovert，sly，underhandedcommunications，but，fortunately，farmoreconclusivethanifcouchedinthemostglowinglanguageandthemostpoeticimagery——lettersthatmustbeviewedwithacautiousandsuspiciouseye——lettersthatwereevidentlyintendedatthetime，byPickwick，tomisleadanddeludeanythirdpartiesintowhosehandstheymightfall。Letmereadthefirst：——`Garraway’s，twelveo’clock。DearMrs。B——ChopsandTomatosauce。Yours，PICKWICK。’
　　Gentlemen，whatdoesthismean？ChopsandTomatosauce！Yours，Pickwick！
　　Chops！Graciousheavens！andTomatosauce！Gentlemen，isthehappinessofasensitiveandconfidingfemaletobetrifledaway，bysuchshallowartificesasthese？Thenexthasnodatewhatever，whichinitselfissuspicious。
　　`DearMrs。B。，Ishallnotbeathometillto-morrow。Slowcoach。’Andthenfollowsthisveryremarkableexpression。`Don’ttroubleyourselfaboutthewarming-pan。’Thewarming-pan！Why，gentlemen，whodoestroublehimselfaboutawarming-pan？Whenwasthepeaceofmindofmanorwomanbrokenordisturbedbyawarming-pan，whichisinitselfaharmless，auseful，andIwilladd，gentlemen，acomfortingarticleofdomesticfurniture？
　　WhyisMrs。Bardellsoearnestlyentreatednottoagitateherselfaboutthiswarming-pan，unlessasisnodoubtthecaseitisamerecoverforhiddenfire——ameresubstituteforsomeendearingwordorpromise，agreeablytoapreconcertedsystemofcorrespondence，artfullycontrivedbyPickwickwithaviewtohiscontemplateddesertion，andwhichIamnotinaconditiontoexplain？Andwhatdoesthisallusiontotheslowcoachmean？ForaughtIknow，itmaybeareferencetoPickwickhimself，whohasmostunquestionablybeenacriminallyslowcoachduringthewholeofthistransaction，butwhosespeedwillnowbeveryunexpectedlyaccelerated，andwhosewheels，gentlemen，ashewillfindtohiscost，willverysoonbegreasedbyyou！
　　Mr。SerjeantBuzfuzpausedinthisplace，toseewhetherthejurysmiledathisjoke。butasnobodytookitbutthegreengrocer，whosesensitivenessonthesubjectwasveryprobablyoccasionedbyhishavingsubjectedachaise-carttotheprocessinquestiononthatidenticalmorning，thelearnedserjeantconsidereditadvisabletoundergoaslightrelapseintothedismalsbeforeheconcluded。
　　Butenoughofthis，gentlemen，saidMr。SerjeantBuzfuz，itisdifficulttosmilewithanachingheart。itisilljestingwhenourdeepestsympathiesareawakened。Myclient’shopesandprospectsareruined，anditisnofigureofspeechtosaythatheroccupationisgoneindeed。Thebillisdown——butthereisnotenant。Eligiblesinglegentlemenpassandrepass——butthereisnoinvitationforthemtoinquirewithinorwithout。Allisgloomandsilenceinthehouse。eventhevoiceofthechildishushed。hisinfantsportsaredisregardedwhenhismotherweeps。his`alleytors’andhis`commoneys’arealikeneglected。heforgetsthelongfamiliarcryof`knuckledown，’andattip-cheese，oroddandeven，hishandisout。ButPickwick，gentlemen，Pickwick，theruthlessdestroyerofthisdomesticoasisinthedesertofGoswellStreet——Pickwick，whohaschokedupthewell，andthrownashesonthesward——Pickwick，whocomesbeforeyouto-daywithhisheartlessTomatosauceandwarming-pans——Pickwickstillrearshisheadwithunblushingeffrontery，andgazeswithoutasighontheruinhehasmade。Damages，gentlemen——heavydamages——istheonlypunishmentwithwhichyoucanvisithim。theonlyrecompenseyoucanawardtomyclient。Andforthosedamagesshenowappealstoanenlightened，ahigh-minded，aright-feeling，aconscientious，adispassionate，asympathising，acontemplativejuryofhercivilisedcountrymen。Withthisbeautifulperoration，Mr。SerjeantBuzfuzsatdown，andMr。JusticeStareleighwokeup。
　　CallElizabethCluppins，saidSerjeantBuzfuz，risingaminuteafterwards，withrenewedvigour。
　　ThenearestushercalledforElizabethTuppins。anotherone，atalittledistanceoff，demandedElizabethJupkins。andathirdrushedinabreathlessstateintoKingStreet，andscreamedforElizabethMuffinstillhewashoarse。
　　MeanwhileMrs。Cluppins，withthecombinedassistanceofMrs。Bardell，Mrs。Sanders，Mr。Dodson，andMr。Fogg，washoistedintothewitness-box。
　　andwhenshewassafelyperchedonthetopstep，Mrs。Bardellstoodonthebottomone，withthepocket-handkerchiefandpattensinonehand，andaglassbottlethatmightholdaboutaquarterofapintofsmellingsaltsintheother，readyforanyemergency。Mrs。Sanders，whoseeyeswereintentlyfixedonthejudge’sface，plantedherselfcloseby，withthelargeumbrella：
　　keepingherrightthumbpressedonthespringwithanearnestcountenance，asifshewerefullypreparedtoputitupatamoment’snotice。
　　Mrs。Cluppins，saidSerjeantBuzfuzpraycomposeyourself，ma’am。
　　Ofcourse，directlyMrs。Cluppinswasdesiredtocomposeherselfshesobbedwithincreasedvehemence，andgavediversalarmingmanifestationsofanapproachingfaintingfit，or，assheafterwardssaid，ofherfeelingsbeingtoomanyforher。
　　Doyourecollect，Mrs。Cluppins？saidSerjeantBuzfuz，afterafewunimportantquestions，doyourecollectbeinginMrs。Bardell’sbackonepairofstairs，ononeparticularmorninginJulylast，whenshewasdustingPickwick’sapartment？
　　Yes，myLordandJury，Ido，repliedMrs。Cluppins。
　　Mr。Pickwick’ssitting-roomwasthefirst-floorfront，Ibelieve？
　　Yes，itwere，sir，repliedMrs。Cluppins。
　　Whatwereyoudoinginthebackroom，ma’am？inquiredthelittlejudge。
　　MyLordandJury，saidMrs。Cluppins，withinterestingagitation，Iwillnotdeceiveyou。
　　Youhadbetternot，ma’am，saidthelittlejudge。
　　Iwasthere，resumedMrs。Cluppins，unbeknowntoMrs。Bardell。I
　　hadbeenoutwithalittlebasket，gentlemen，tobuythreepoundofredkidneypurtaties，whichwasthreepoundtuppenceha’penny，whenIseeMrs。
　　Bardell’sstreetdooronthejar。
　　Onthewhat？exclaimedthelittlejudge。
　　Partlyopen，myLord，saidSerjeantSnubbin。
　　Shesaidonthejar，saidthelittlejudge，withacunninglook。
　　It’sallthesame，myLord，’saidSerjeantSnubbin。Thelittlejudgelookeddoubtful，andsaidhe’dmakeanoteofit。Mrs。Cluppinsthenresumed：
　　Iwalkedin，gentlemen，justtosaygoodmornin’，andwent，inapermiscuousmanner，up-stairs，andintothebackroom。Gentlemen，therewasthesoundofvoicesinthefrontroom，and——
　　Andyoulistened，Ibelieve，Mrs。Cluppins？saidSerjeantBuzfuz。
　　Beggin’yourpardon，sir，repliedMrs。Cluppins，inamajesticmanner，Iwouldscornthehaction。Thevoiceswasveryloud，sir，andforcedthemselvesuponmyear。
　　Well，Mrs。Cluppins，youwerenotlistening，butyouheardthevoices。
　　Wasoneofthosevoices，Pickwick’s？
　　Yes，itwere，sir。
　　AndMrs。Cluppins，afterdistinctlystatingthatMr。PickwickaddressedhimselftoMrs。Bardell，repeated，byslowdegrees，andbydintofmanyquestions，theconversationwithwhichourreadersarealreadyacquainted。
　　Thejurylookedsuspicious，andMr。SerjeantBuzfuzsmiledandsatdown。
　　TheylookedpositivelyawfulwhenSerjeantSnubbinintimatedthatheshouldnotcross-examinethewitness，forMr。Pickwickwishedittobedistinctlystatedthatitwasduetohertosay，thatheraccountwasinsubstancecorrect。
　　Mrs。Cluppinshavingoncebrokentheice，thoughtitafavourableopportunityforenteringintoashortdissertationonherowndomesticaffairs。so，shestraightwayproceededtoinformthecourtthatshewasthemotherofeightchildrenatthatpresentspeaking，andthatsheentertainedconfidentexpectationsofpresentingMr。Cluppinswithaninth，somewhereaboutthatdaysixmonths。Atthisinterestingpoint，thelittlejudgeinterposedmostirascibly。andtheeffectoftheinterpositionwas，thatboththeworthyladyandMrs。Sanderswerepolitelytakenoutofcourt，undertheescortofMr。Jackson，withoutfurtherparley。
　　NathanielWinkle！saidMr。Skimpin。
　　Here！repliedafeeblevoice。Mr。Winkleenteredthewitnessbox，andhavingbeendulysworn，bowedtothejudgewithconsiderabledeference。
　　Don’tlookatme，sir，saidthejudge，sharply，inacknowledgmentofthesalute。lookatthejury。
　　Mr。Winkleobeyedthemandate，andlookedattheplacewherehethoughtitmostprobablethejurymightbe。forseeinganythinginhisthenstateofintellectualcomplicationwaswhollyoutofthequestion。
　　Mr。WinklewasthenexaminedbyMr。Skimpin，who，beingapromisingyoungmanoftwoorthreeandforty，wasofcourseanxioustoconfuseawitnesswhowasnotoriouslypredisposedinfavouroftheotherside，asmuchashecould。
　　Now，sir，saidMr。Skimpin，havethegoodnesstolethisLordshipandthejuryknowwhatyournameis，willyou？andMr。Skimpininclinedhisheadononesidetolistenwithgreatsharpnesstotheanswer，andglancedatthejurymeanwhile，asiftoimplythatheratherexpectedMr。
　　Winkle’snaturaltasteforperjurywouldinducehimtogivesomenamewhichdidnotbelongtohim。
　　Winkle，repliedthewitness。
　　What’syourChristianname，sir？angrilyinquiredthelittlejudge。
　　Nathaniel，sir。
　　Daniel，——anyothername？
　　Nathaniel，sir——myLord，Imean。
　　NathanielDaniel，orDanielNathaniel？
　　No，myLord，onlyNathaniel。notDanielatall。
　　WhatdidyoutellmeitwasDanielfor，then，sir？inquiredthejudge。
　　Ididn’t，myLord，repliedMr。Winkle。
　　Youdid，sir，repliedthejudge，withaseverefrown。
　　HowcouldIhavegotDanielonmynotes，unlessyoutoldmeso，sir？
　　Thisargumentwas，ofcourse，unanswerable。
　　Mr。Winklehasratherashortmemory，myLord，interposedMr。Skimpin，withanotherglanceatthejury。Weshallfindmeanstorefreshitbeforewehavequitedonewithhim，Idaresay。
　　Youhadbetterbecareful，sir，saidthelittlejudge，withasinisterlookatthewitness。
　　PoorMr。Winklebowed，andendeavouredtofeignaneasinessofmanner，which，inhisthenstateofconfusion，gavehimrathertheairofadisconcertedpickpocket。
　　Now，Mr。Winkle，saidMr。Skimpin，attendtome，ifyouplease，sir。
　　andletmerecommendyou，foryourownsake，tobearinmindhisLordship’sinjunctiontobecareful。IbelieveyouareaparticularfriendofPickwick，thedefendant，areyounot？
　　IhaveknownMr。Pickwicknow，aswellasIrecollectatthismoment，nearly——
　　Pray，Mr。Winkle，donotevadethequestion。Areyou，orareyounot，aparticularfriendofthedefendant’s？
　　Iwasjustabouttosay，that——
　　Willyou，orwillyounot，answermyquestion，sir？
　　Ifyoudon’tanswerthequestionyou’llbecommitted，sir，interposedthelittlejudge，lookingoverhisnote-book。
　　Come，sir，saidMr。Skimpin，yesorno，ifyouplease。
　　Yes，Iam，repliedMr。Winkle。
　　Yes，youare。Andwhycouldn’tyousaythatatonce，sir？Perhapsyouknowtheplaintiff，too？Eh，Mr。Winkle？
　　Idon’tknowher。I’veseenher。
　　Oh，youdon’tknowher，butyou’veseenher？Now，havethegoodnesstotellthegentlemenofthejurywhatyoumeanbythat，Mr。Winkle。
　　ImeanthatIamnotintimatewithher，butIhaveseenherwhenI
　　wenttocallonMr。PickwickinGoswellStreet。
　　Howoftenhaveyouseenher，sir？
　　Howoften？
　　Yes，Mr。Winkle，howoften？I’llrepeatthequestionforyouadozentimes，ifyourequireit，sir。Andthelearnedgentleman，withafirmandsteadyfrown，placedhishandsonhiships，andsmiledsuspiciouslyatthejury。
　　Onthisquestiontherearosetheedifyingbrow-beating，customaryonsuchpoints。Firstofall，Mr。WinklesaiditwasquiteimpossibleforhimtosayhowmanytimeshehadseenMrs。Bardell。Thenhewasaskedifhehadseenhertwentytimes，towhichhereplied，Certainly，——morethanthat。Thenhewasaskedwhetherhehadn’tseenherahundredtimes——whetherhecouldn’tswearthathehadseenhermorethanfiftytimes——whetherhedidn’tknowthathehadseenheratleastseventy-fivetimes——andsoforth。
　　thesatisfactoryconclusionwhichwasarrivedat，atlast，being，thathehadbettertakecareofhimself，andmindwhathewasabout。Thewitnesshavingbeenbythesemeansreducedtotherequisiteebbofnervousperplexity，theexaminationwascontinuedasfollows：
　　Pray，Mr。Winkle，doyouremembercallingonthedefendantPickwickattheseapartmentsintheplaintiff’shouseinGoswellStreet，ononeparticularmorning，inthemonthofJulylast？
　　Yes，Ido。
　　WereyouaccompaniedonthatoccasionbyafriendofthenameofTupman，andanotherofthenameofSnodgrass？
　　Yes，Iwas。
　　Aretheyhere？
　　Yes，theyare，repliedMr。Winkle，lookingveryearnestlytowardsthespotwherehisfriendswerestationed。
　　Prayattendtome，Mr。Winkle，andnevermindyourfriends，saidMr。
　　Skimpin，withanotherexpressivelookatthejury。Theymusttelltheirstorieswithoutanypreviousconsultationwithyou，ifnonehasyettakenplaceanotherlookatthejury。Now，sir，tellthegentlemenofthejurywhatyousawonenteringthedefendant’sroom，onthisparticularmorning。
　　Come。outwithit，sir。wemusthaveit，soonerorlater。
　　Thedefendant，Mr。Pickwick，washoldingtheplaintiffinhisarms，withhishandsclaspingherwaist，repliedMr。Winklewithnaturalhesitation，andtheplaintiffappearedtohavefaintedaway。
　　Didyouhearthedefendantsayanything？
　　IheardhimcallMrs。Bardellagoodcreature，andIheardhimaskhertocomposeherself，forwhatasituationitwas，ifanybodyshouldcome，orwordstothateffect。
　　Now，Mr。Winkle，Ihaveonlyonemorequestiontoaskyou，andIbegyoutobearinmindhislordship’scaution。WillyouundertaketoswearthatPickwick，thedefendant，didnotsayontheoccasioninquestion，`MydearMrs。Bardell，you’reagoodcreature。composeyourselftothissituation，fortothissituationyoumustcome，’orwordstothateffect？
　　I——Ididn’tunderstandhimso，certainly，saidMr。Winkle，astoundedatthisingeniousdove-tailingofthefewwordshehadheard，Iwasonthestaircase，andcouldn’theardistinctly。theimpressiononmymindis——
　　Thegentlemenofthejurywantnoneoftheimpressionsonyourmind，Mr。Winkle，whichIfearwouldbeoflittleservicetohonest，straightforwardmen，interposedMr。Skimpin。Youwereonthestaircase，anddidn’tdistinctlyhear。butyouwillnotswearthatPickwickdidnotmakeuseoftheexpressionsIhavequoted？DoIunderstandthat？
　　No，Iwillnot，repliedMr。Winkle。anddownsatMr。Skimpinwithatriumphantcountenance。
　　Mr。Pickwick’scasehadnotgoneoffinsoparticularlyhappyamanner，uptothispoint，thatitcouldverywellaffordtohaveanyadditionalsuspicioncastuponit。Butasitcouldaffordtobeplacedinaratherbetterlight，ifpossible，Mr。PhunkyroseforthepurposeofgettingsomethingimportantoutofMr。Winkleincross-examination。Whetherhedidgetanythingimportantoutofhim，willimmediatelyappear。
　　Ibelieve，Mr。Winkle，saidMr。Phunky，thatMr。Pickwickisnotayoungman？
　　Ohno，repliedMr。Winkle，oldenoughtobemyfather。
　　YouhavetoldmylearnedfriendthatyouhaveknownMr。Pickwickalongtime。Hadyoueveranyreasontosupposeorbelievethathewasabouttobemarried？
　　Ohno。certainlynot。repliedMr。Winklewithsomucheagerness，thatMr。Phunkyoughttohavegothimoutoftheboxwithallpossibledispatch。
　　Lawyersholdthattherearetwokindsofparticularlybadwitnesses：areluctantwitness，andatoo-willingwitness。itwasMr。Winkle’sfatetofigureinbothcharacters。
　　Iwillevengofurtherthanthis，Mr。Winkle，continuedMr。Phunkyinamostsmoothandcomplacentmanner。DidyoueverseeanythinginMr。
　　Pickwick’smannerandconducttowardstheoppositesex，toinduceyoutobelievethatheevercontemplatedmatrimonyoflateyears，inanycase？
　　Ohno。certainlynot，repliedMr。Winkle。
　　Hashisbehaviour，whenfemaleshavebeeninthecase，alwaysbeenthatofaman，who，havingattainedaprettyadvancedperiodoflife，contentwithhisownoccupationsandamusements，treatsthemonlyasafathermighthisdaughters？
　　Nottheleastdoubtofit，repliedMr。Winkle，inthefulnessofhisheart。Thatis——yes——ohyes——certainly。
　　YouhaveneverknownanythinginhisbehaviourtowardsMrs。Bardell，oranyotherfemale，intheleastdegreesuspicious？saidMr。Phunky，preparingtositdown。forSerjeantSnubbinwaswinkingathim。
　　N——n——no，repliedMr。Winkle，exceptononetriflingoccasion，which，Ihavenodoubt，mightbeeasilyexplained。
　　Now，iftheunfortunateMr。PhunkyhadsatdownwhenSerjeantSnubbinwinkedathim，orifSerjeantBuzfuzhadstoppedthisirregularcross-examinationattheoutsetwhichheknewbetterthantodo。observingMr。Winkle’sanxiety，andwellknowingitwould，inallprobability，leadtosomethingserviceabletohim，thisunfortunateadmissionwouldnothavebeenelicited。
　　ThemomentthewordsfellfromMr。Winkle’slips，Mr。Phunkysatdown，andSerjeantSnubbinratherhastilytoldhimhemightleavethebox，whichMr。Winklepreparedtodowithgreatreadiness，whenSerjeantBuzfuzstoppedhim。
　　Stay，Mr。Winkle，stay！saidSerjeantBuzfuz，willyourlordshiphavethegoodnesstoaskhim，whatthisoneinstanceofsuspiciousbehaviourtowardsfemalesonthepartofthisgentleman，whoisoldenoughtobehisfather，was？
　　Youhearwhatthelearnedcounselsays，sir，observedthejudge，turningtothemiserableandagonisedMr。Winkle，Describetheoccasiontowhichyourefer。
　　Mylord，saidMr。Winkle，tremblingwithanxiety，I——I’drathernot。
　　Perhapsso，saidthelittlejudge。butyoumust。
　　Amidtheprofoundsilenceofthewholecourt，Mr。Winklefalteredout，thatthetriflingcircumstanceofsuspicionwasMr。Pickwick’sbeingfoundinalady’ssleepingapartmentatmidnight。whichhadterminated，hebelieved，inthebreakingoffoftheprojectedmarriageoftheladyinquestion，andhadled，heknew，tothewholepartybeingforciblycarriedbeforeGeorgeNupkins，Esq。，magistrateandjusticeofthepeace，fortheboroughofIpswich！
　　Youmayleavethebox，sir，saidSerjeantSnubbin。Mr。Winkledidleavethebox，andrushedwithdelirioushastetotheGeorgeandVulture，wherehewasdiscoveredsomehoursafter，bythewaiter，groaninginahollowanddismalmanner，withhisheadburiedbeneaththesofacushions。
　　TracyTupman，andAugustusSnodgrass，wereseverallycalledintothebox。bothcorroboratedthetestimonyoftheirunhappyfriend。andeachwasdriventothevergeofdesperationbyexcessivebadgering。
　　SusannahSanderswasthencalled，andexaminedbySerjeantBuzfuz，andcross-examinedbySerjeantSnubbin。HadalwayssaidandbelievedthatPickwickwouldmarryMrs。Bardell。knewthatMrs。Bardell’sbeingengagedtoPickwickwasthecurrenttopicofconversationintheneighbourhood，afterthefaintinginJuly。hadbeentolditherselfbyMrs。Mudberrywhichkeptamangle，andMrs。Bunkinwhichclear-starched，butdidnotseeeitherMrs。MudberryorMrs。Bunkinincourt。HadheardPickwickaskthelittleboyhowheshouldliketohaveanotherfather。DidnotknowthatMrs。Bardellwasatthattimekeepingcompanywiththebaker，butdidknowthatthebakerwasthenasinglemanandisnowmarried。Couldn’tswearthatMrs。Bardellwasnotveryfondofthebaker，butshouldthinkthatthebakerwasnotveryfondofMrs。Bardell，orhewouldn’thavemarriedsomebodyelse。ThoughtMrs。
　　BardellfaintedawayonthemorninginJuly，becausePickwickaskedhertonametheday。knewthatshewitnessfaintedawaystonedeadwhenMr。
　　Sandersaskedhertonametheday，andbelievedthateverybodyascalledherselfaladywoulddothesame，undersimilarcircumstances。HeardPickwickasktheboythequestionaboutthemarbles，butuponheroathdidnotknowthedifferencebetweenanalleytorandacommoney。
　　BytheCOURT——DuringtheperiodofherkeepingcompanywithMr。Sanders，hadreceivedloveletters，likeotherladies。
　　InthecourseoftheircorrespondenceMr。Sandershadoftencalledheraduck，butneverchops，noryettomatosauce。Hewasparticularlyfondofducks。Perhapsifhehadbeenasfondofchopsandtomatosauce，hemighthavecalledherthat，asatermofaffection。
　　SerjeantBuzfuznowrosewithmoreimportancethanhehadyetexhibited，ifthatwerepossible，andvociferated：CallSamuelWeller。
　　ItwasquiteunnecessarytocallSamuelWeller。forSamuelWellersteppedbrisklyintotheboxtheinstanthisnamewaspronounced。andplacinghishatonthefloor，andhisarmsontherail，tookabird’s-eyeviewofthebar，andacomprehensivesurveyofthebench，witharemarkablycheerfulandlivelyaspect。
　　What’syourname，sir？inquiredthejudge。
　　SamWeller，mylord，repliedthatgentleman。
　　Doyouspellitwitha`V’ora`W’？inquiredthejudge。
　　Thatdependsuponthetasteandfancyofthespeller，mylord，repliedSam。Ineverhadoccasiontospellitmorethanonceortwiceinmylife，butIspellsitwitha`V。’
　　Hereavoiceinthegalleryexclaimedaloud，Quiterighttoo，Samivel，quiteright。Putitdownawe，mylord，putitdownawe。
　　Whoisthat，whodarestoaddressthecourt？saidthelittlejudge，lookingup。Usher。
　　Yes，mylord。
　　Bringthatpersonhereinstantly。
　　Yes，mylord。
　　Butastheusherdidn’tfindtheperson，hedidn’tbringhim。and，afteragreatcommotion，allthepeoplewhohadgotuptolookfortheculprit，satdownagain。Thelittlejudgeturnedtothewitnessassoonashisindignationwouldallowhimtospeak，andsaid，Doyouknowwhothatwas，sir？
　　Iraythersuspectitwasmyfather，mylord，repliedSam。
　　Doyouseehimherenow？saidthejudge。
　　No，Idon’t，mylord，repliedSam，staringrightupintothelanternintheroofofthecourt。
　　Ifyoucouldhavepointedhimout，Iwouldhavecommittedhiminstantly，
　　saidthejudge。
　　Sambowedhisacknowledgmentsandturned，withunimpairedcheerfulnessofcountenance，towardsSerjeantBuzfuz。
　　Now，Mr。Weller，saidSerjeantBuzfuz。
　　Now，sir，repliedSam。
　　IbelieveyouareintheserviceofMr。Pickwick，thedefendantinthiscase。Speakup，ifyouplease，Mr。Weller。
　　Imeantospeakup，sir，repliedSam。Iamintheserviceo’that’eregen’l’man，andawerygoodserviceitis。
　　Littletodo，andplentytoget，Isuppose？saidSerjeantBuzfuz，withjocularity。
　　Oh，quiteenoughtoget，sir，asthesoldiersaidventheyorderedhimthreehundredandfiftylashes，repliedSam。
　　Youmustnottelluswhatthesoldier，oranyotherman，said，sir，
　　interposedthejudge。it’snotevidence。
　　Werygood，mylord，repliedSam。
　　Doyourecollectanythingparticularhappeningonthemorningwhenyouwerefirstengagedbythedefendant。eh，Mr。Weller？saidSerjeantBuzfuz。
　　YesIdo，sir，repliedSam。
　　Havethegoodnesstotellthejurywhatitwas。
　　Ihadareg’larnewfitouto’clothesthatmornin’，gen’l’menofthejury，saidSam，andthatwasawerypartickleranduncommoncircumstancevithmeinthosedays。
　　Hereupontherewasagenerallaugh。andthelittlejudge，lookingwithanangrycountenanceoverhisdesk，said，Youhadbetterbecareful，sir。
　　SoMr。Pickwicksaidatthetime，mylord，repliedSam。andIwaswerycarefulo’that’eresuito’clothes。werycarefulindeed，mylord。
　　ThejudgelookedsternlyatSamforfulltwominutes，butSam’sfeaturesweresoperfectlycalmandserenethatthejudgesaidnothing，andmotionedSerjeantBuzfuztoproceed。
　　Doyoumeantotellme，Mr。Weller，saidSerjeantBuzfuz，foldinghisarmsemphatically，andturninghalf-roundtothejury，asifinmuteassurancethathewouldbotherthewitnessyet：Doyoumeantotellme，Mr。Weller，thatyousawnothingofthisfaintingonthepartoftheplaintiffinthearmsofthedefendant，whichyouhavehearddescribedbythewitnesses？
　　Certainlynot，repliedSam。Iwasinthepassage’tilltheycalledmeup，andthentheoldladywasnotthere。
　　Now，attend，Mr。Weller，saidSerjeantBuzfuz，dippingalargepenintotheinkstandbeforehim，forthepurposeoffrighteningSamwithashowoftakingdownhisanswer。Youwereinthepassage，andyetsawnothingofwhatwasgoingforward。Haveyouapairofeyes，Mr。Weller？
　　Yes，Ihaveapairofeyes，repliedSam，andthat’sjustit。Iftheywosapairo’patentdoublemillionmagnifyin’gasmicroscopesofhextrapower，p’rapsImightbeabletoseethroughaflighto’stairsandadealdoor。butbein’onlyeyes，yousee，mywision’slimited。