"Oncemoreletusbegyoutobecalm,mydearboy。We’lltalkofallthisanothertime——Ishalldosowiththegreatestpleasure,forone,"saidtheolddignitary,withasmile。
IvanPetrovitchgruntedandtwistedroundinhischair。GeneralEpanchinmovednervously。Thelatter’schiefhadstartedaconversationwiththewifeofthedignitary,andtooknonoticewhateveroftheprince,buttheoldladyveryoftenglancedathim,andlistenedtowhathewassaying。
"No,Ihadbetterspeak,"continuedtheprince,withanewoutburstoffeverishemotion,andturningtowardstheoldmanwithanairofconfidentialtrustfulness。"Yesterday,AglayaIvanovnaforbademetotalk,andevenspecifiedtheparticularsubjectsImustnottouchupon——sheknowswellenoughthatIamoddwhenIgetuponthesematters。Iamnearlytwenty-sevenyearsold,andyetIknowIamlittlebetterthanachild。Ihavenorighttoexpressmyideas,andsaidsolongago。OnlyinMoscow,withRogojin,didIeverspeakabsolutelyfreely!HeandIreadPushkintogether——allhisworks。RogojinknewnothingofPushkin,hadnotevenheardhisname。IamalwaysafraidofspoilingagreatThoughtorIdeabymyabsurdmanner。Ihavenoeloquence,Iknow。Ialwaysmakethewronggestures——
inappropriategestures——andthereforeIdegradetheThought,andraisealaughinsteadofdoingmysubjectjustice。Ihavenosenseofproportioneither,andthatisthechiefthing。IknowitwouldbemuchbetterifIwerealwaystositstillandsaynothing。WhenIdoso,Iappeartobequiteasensiblesortofaperson,andwhat’smore,Ithinkaboutthings。ButnowImustspeak;itisbetterthatIshould。Ibegantospeakbecauseyoulookedsokindlyatme;youhavesuchabeautifulface。I
promisedAglayaIvanovnayesterdaythatIwouldnotspeakalltheevening。"
"Really?"saidtheoldman,smiling。
"But,attimes,Ican’thelpthinkingthatIam。wronginfeelingsoaboutit,youknow。Sincerityismoreimportantthanelocution,isn’tit?"
"Sometimes。"
"Iwanttoexplainalltoyou——everything——everything!IknowyouthinkmeUtopian,don’tyou——anidealist?Oh,no!I’mnot,indeed——myideasareallsosimple。Youdon’tbelieveme?Youaresmiling。Doyouknow,Iamsometimesverywicked——forIlosemyfaith?ThiseveningasIcamehere,Ithoughttomyself,’WhatshallItalkabout?HowamItobegin,sothattheymaybeabletounderstandpartially,atallevents?’HowafraidIwas——
dreadfullyafraid!Andyet,howCOULDIbeafraid——wasitnotshamefulofme?WasIafraidoffindingabottomlessabyssofemptyselfishness?Ah!that’swhyIamsohappyatthismoment,becauseIfindthereisnobottomlessabyssatall——butgood,healthymaterial,fulloflife。
"Itisnotsuchaverydreadfulcircumstancethatweareoddpeople,isit?Forwereallyareodd,youknow——careless,reckless,easilyweariedofanything。Wedon’tlookthoroughlyintomatters——don’tcaretounderstandthings。Wearealllikethis——youandI,andallofthem!Why,hereareyou,now——youarenotabitangrywithmeforcallingyouodd,’areyou?And,ifso,surelythereisgoodmaterialinyou?Doyouknow,I
sometimesthinkitisagoodthingtobeodd。Wecanforgiveoneanothermoreeasily,andbemorehumble。Noonecanbeginbybeingperfect——thereismuchonecannotunderstandinlifeatfirst。Inordertoattaintoperfection,onemustbeginbyfailingtounderstandmuch。Andifwetakeinknowledgetooquickly,weverylikelyarenottakingitinatall。Isayallthistoyou——youwhobythistimeunderstandsomuch——anddoubtlesshavefailedtounderstandsomuch,also。Iamnotafraidofyouanylonger。Youarenotangrythatamereboyshouldsaysuchwordstoyou,areyou?Ofcoursenot!Youknowhowtoforgetandtoforgive。Youarelaughing,IvanPetrovitch?
YouthinkIamachampionofotherclassesofpeople——thatIamTHEIRadvocate,ademocrat,andanoratorofEquality?"Theprincelaughedhysterically;hehadseveraltimesburstintotheselittle,shortnervouslaughs。"Oh,no——itisforyou,formyself,andforallofustogether,thatIamalarmed。Iamaprinceofanoldfamilymyself,andIamsittingamongmypeers;
andIamtalkinglikethisinthehopeofsavingusall;inthehopethatourclasswillnotdisappearaltogether——intothedarkness——unguessingitsdanger——blamingeverythingaroundit,andlosinggroundeveryday。Whyshouldwedisappearandgiveplacetoothers,whenwemaystill,ifwechoose,remaininthefrontrankandleadthebattle?Letusbeservants,thatwemaybecomelordsindueseason!"
Hetriedtogetuponhisfeetagain,buttheoldmanstillrestrainedhim,gazingathimwithincreasingperturbationashewenton。
"Listen——Iknowitisbestnottospeak!Itisbestsimplytogiveagoodexample——simplytobeginthework。Ihavedonethis——
Ihavebegun,and——and——oh!CANanyonebeunhappy,really?Oh!
whatdoesgriefmatter——whatdoesmisfortunematter,ifoneknowshowtobehappy?Doyouknow,Icannotunderstandhowanyonecanpassbyagreentree,andnotfeelhappyonlytolookatit!Howanyonecantalktoamanandnotfeelhappyinlovinghim!Oh,itismyownfaultthatIcannotexpressmyselfwellenough!ButtherearelovelythingsateverystepItake——thingswhicheventhemostmiserablemanmustrecognizeasbeautiful。Lookatalittlechild——lookatGod’sday-dawn——lookatthegrassgrowing——
lookattheeyesthatloveyou,astheygazebackintoyoureyes!"
Hehadrisen,andwasspeakingstandingup。Theoldgentlemanwaslookingathimnowinunconcealedalarm。LizabethaProkofievnawrungherhands。"Oh,myGod!"shecried。Shehadguessedthestateofthecasebeforeanyoneelse。
Aglayarushedquicklyuptohim,andwasjustintimetoreceivehiminherarms,andtohearwithdreadandhorrorthatawful,wildcryashefellwrithingtotheground。
Therehelayonthecarpet,andsomeonequicklyplacedacushionunderhishead。
Noonehadexpectedthis。
InaquarterofanhourorsoPrinceN。andEvgeniePavlovitchandtheolddignitarywerehardatworkendeavouringtorestoretheharmonyoftheevening,butitwasofnoavail,andverysoonaftertheguestsseparatedandwenttheirways。
Agreatdealofsympathywasexpressed;aconsiderableamountofadvicewasvolunteered;IvanPetrovitchexpressedhisopinionthattheyoungmanwas"aSlavophile,orsomethingofthatsort";
butthatitwasnotadangerousdevelopment。Theolddignitarysaidnothing。
Trueenough,mostoftheguests,nextdayandthedayafter,werenotinverygoodhumour。IvanPetrovitchwasalittleoffended,butnotseriouslyso。GeneralEpanchin’schiefwasrathercooltowardshimforsomewhileaftertheoccurrence。Theolddignitary,aspatronofthefamily,tooktheopportunityofmurmuringsomekindofadmonitiontothegeneral,andadded,inflatteringterms,thathewasmostinterestedinAglaya’sfuture。
Hewasamanwhoreallydidpossessakindheart,althoughhisinterestintheprince,intheearlierpartoftheevening,wasdue,amongotherreasons,tothelatter’sconnectionwithNastasiaPhilipovna,accordingtopopularreport。Hehadheardagooddealofthisstoryhereandthere,andwasgreatlyinterestedinit,somuchsothathelongedtoaskfurtherquestionsaboutit。
PrincessBielokonski,asshedroveawayonthiseventfulevening,tookoccasiontosaytoLizabethaProkofievna:
"Well——he’sagoodmatch——andabadone;andifyouwantmyopinion,morebadthangood。Youcanseeforyourselfthemanisaninvalid。"
LizabethathereforedecidedthattheprincewasimpossibleasahusbandforAglaya;andduringtheensuingnightshemadeavowthatneverwhileshelivedshouldhemarryAglaya。Withthisresolvefirmlyimpresseduponhermind,sheawokenextday;butduringthemorning,afterherearlylunch,shefellintoaconditionofremarkableinconsistency。
Inreplytoaveryguardedquestionofhersisters’,Aglayahadansweredcoldly,butexceedinglyhaughtily:
"Ihavenevergivenhimmywordatall,norhaveIevercountedhimasmyfuturehusband——neverinmylife。Heisjustaslittletomeasalltherest。"
LizabethaProkofievnasuddenlyflaredup。
"Ididnotexpectthatofyou,Aglaya,"shesaid。"Heisanimpossiblehusbandforyou,——Iknowit;andthankGodthatweagreeuponthatpoint;butIdidnotexpecttohearsuchwordsfromyou。IthoughtIshouldhearaverydifferenttonefromyou。
Iwouldhaveturnedouteveryonewhowasintheroomlastnightandkepthim,——that’sthesortofmanheis,inmyopinion!"
Hereshesuddenlypaused,afraidofwhatshehadjustsaid。Butshelittleknewhowunfairshewastoherdaughteratthatmoment。ItwasallsettledinAglaya’smind。Shewasonlywaitingforthehourthatwouldbringthemattertoafinalclimax;andeveryhint,everycarelessprobingofherwound,didbutfurtherlacerateherheart。
VIII。
THISsamemorningdawnedfortheprincepregnantwithnolesspainfulpresentiments,——whichfacthisphysicalstatewas,ofcourse,quiteenoughtoaccountfor;buthewassoindefinablymelancholy,——hissadnesscouldnotattachitselftoanythinginparticular,andthistormentedhimmorethananythingelse。Ofcoursecertainfactsstoodbeforehim,clearandpainful,buthissadnesswentbeyondallthathecouldrememberorimagine;herealizedthathewaspowerlesstoconsolehimselfunaided。Littlebylittlehebegantodeveloptheexpectationthatthisdaysomethingimportant,somethingdecisive,wastohappentohim。
Hisattackofyesterdayhadbeenaslightone。Exceptingsomelittleheavinessintheheadandpaininthelimbs,hedidnotfeelanyparticulareffects。Hisbrainworkedallright,thoughhissoulwasheavywithinhim。
Heroselate,andimmediatelyuponwakingrememberedallaboutthepreviousevening;healsoremembered,thoughnotquitesoclearly,how,halfanhourafterhisfit,hehadbeencarriedhome。
HesoonheardthatamessengerfromtheEpanchins’hadalreadybeentoinquireafterhim。Athalf-pastelevenanotherarrived;
andthispleasedhim。
VeraLebedeffwasoneofthefirsttocometoseehimandofferherservices。Nosoonerdidshecatchsightofhimthansheburstintotears;butwhenhetriedtosoothehershebegantolaugh。
Hewasquitestruckbythegirl’sdeepsympathyforhim;heseizedherhandandkissedit。Veraflushedcrimson。
"Oh,don’t,don’t!"sheexclaimedinalarm,snatchingherhandaway。Shewenthastilyoutoftheroominastateofstrangeconfusion。
Lebedeffalsocametoseetheprince,inagreathurrytogetawaytothe"deceased,"ashecalledGeneralIvolgin,whowasalivestill,butveryill。Coliaalsoturnedup,andbeggedtheprinceforpity’ssaketotellhimallheknewabouthisfatherwhichhadbeenconcealedfromhimtillnow。Hesaidhehadfoundoutnearlyeverythingsinceyesterday;thepoorboywasinastateofdeepaffliction。Withallthesympathywhichhecouldbringintoplay,theprincetoldColiathewholestorywithoutreserve,detailingthefactsasclearlyashecould。ThetalestruckColialikeathunderbolt。Hecouldnotspeak。Helistenedsilently,andcriedsoftlytohimselfthewhile。Theprinceperceivedthatthiswasanimpressionwhichwouldlastforthewholeoftheboy’slife。Hemadehastetoexplainhisviewofthematter,andpointedoutthattheoldman’sapproachingdeathwasprobablybroughtonbyhorroratthethoughtofhisaction;andthatitwasnoteveryonewhowascapableofsuchafeeling。
Colia’seyesflashedashelistened。
"GaniaandVariaandPtitsinareaworthlesslot!Ishallnotquarrelwiththem;butfromthismomentourfeetshallnottravelthesameroad。Oh,prince,Ihavefeltmuchthatisquitenewtomesinceyesterday!Itisalessonforme。Ishallnowconsidermymotherasentirelymyresponsibility;thoughshemaybesafeenoughwithVaria。Still,meatanddrinkisnoteverything。"
Hejumpedupandhurriedoff,rememberingsuddenlythathewaswantedathisfather’sbedside;butbeforehewentoutoftheroomheinquiredhastilyaftertheprince’shealth,andreceivingthelatter’sreply,added:
"Isn’ttheresomethingelse,prince?Iheardyesterday,butI
havenorighttotalkaboutthis……Ifyoueverwantatruefriendandservant——neitheryounorIaresoveryhappy,arewe?——
cometome。Iwon’taskyouquestions,though。"
Heranoffandlefttheprincemoredejectedthanever。
Everyoneseemedtobespeakingprophetically,hintingatsomemisfortuneorsorrowtocome;theyhadalllookedathimasthoughtheyknewsomethingwhichhedidnotknow。Lebedeffhadaskedquestions,Coliahadhinted,andVerahadshedtears。Whatwasit?
Atlast,withasighofannoyance,hesaidtohimselfthatitwasnothingbuthisowncursedsicklysuspicion。Hisfacelightedupwithjoywhen,atabouttwoo’clock,heespiedtheEpanchinscomingalongtopayhimashortvisit,"justforaminute。"Theyreallyhadonlycomeforaminute。
LizabethaProkofievnahadannounced,directlyafterlunch,thattheywouldalltakeawalktogether。Theinformationwasgivenintheformofacommand,withoutexplanation,drilyandabruptly。
Allhadissuedforthinobediencetothemandate;thatis,thegirls,mamma,andPrinceS。LizabethaProkofievnawentoffinadirectionexactlycontrarytotheusualone,andallunderstoodverywellwhatshewasdrivingat,butheldtheirpeace,fearingtoirritatethegoodlady。She,asthoughanxioustoavoidanyconversation,walkedahead,silentandalone。AtlastAdelaidaremarkedthatitwasnouseracingalongatsuchapace,andthatshecouldnotkeepupwithhermother。
"Lookhere,"saidLizabethaProkofievna,turningroundsuddenly;
"wearepassinghishouse。WhateverAglayamaythink,andinspiteofanythingthatmayhappen,heisnotastrangertous;
besideswhich,heisillandinmisfortune。I,forone,shallcallinandseehim。Letanyonefollowmewhocaresto。"
Ofcourseeveryoneofthemfollowedher。
Theprincehastenedtoapologize,veryproperly,foryesterday’smishapwiththevase,andforthescenegenerally。
"Oh,that’snothing,"repliedLizabetha;"I’mnotsorryforthevase,I’msorryforyou。H’m!soyoucanseethattherewasa’scene,’canyou?Well,itdoesn’tmattermuch,foreveryonemustrealizenowthatitisimpossibletobehardonyou。Well,aurevoir。Iadviseyoutohaveawalk,andthengotosleepagainifyoucan。Comeinasusual,ifyoufeelinclined;andbeassured,onceforall,whateverhappens,andwhatevermayhavehappened,youshallalwaysremainthefriendofthefamily——mine,atallevents。Icananswerformyself。"
Inresponsetothischallengealltheotherschimedinandre-
echoedmamma’ssentiments。
Andsotheytooktheirdeparture;butinthishastyandkindlydesignedvisittherewashiddenafundofcrueltywhichLizabethaProkofievnaneverdreamedof。Inthewords"asusual,"andagaininheradded,"mine,atallevents,"thereseemedanominousknellofsomeeviltocome。
TheprincebegantothinkofAglaya。Shehadcertainlygivenhimawonderfulsmile,bothatcomingandagainatleave-taking,buthadnotsaidaword,notevenwhentheothersallprofessedtheirfriendshipforhim。Shehadlookedveryintentlyathim,butthatwasall。Herfacehadbeenpalerthanusual;shelookedasthoughshehadsleptbadly。
Theprincemadeuphismindthathewouldmakeapointofgoingthere"asusual,"tonight,andlookedfeverishlyathiswatch。
VeracameinthreeminutesaftertheEpanchinshadleft。"LefNicolaievitch,"shesaid,"AglayaIvanovnahasjustgivenmeamessageforyou。"
Theprincetrembled。
"Isitanote?"
"No,averbalmessage;shehadhardlytimeevenforthat。Shebegsyouearnestlynottogooutofthehouseforasinglemomentallto-day,untilseveno’clockintheevening。Itmayhavebeennine;Ididn’tquitehear。"
"But——but,whyisthis?Whatdoesitmean?"
"Idon’tknowatall;butshesaidIwastotellyouparticularly。"
"Didshesaythat?"
"Notthoseverywords。Sheonlyjusthadtimetowhisperasshewentby;butbythewayshelookedatmeIknewitwasimportant。
Shelookedatmeinawaythatmademyheartstopbeating。"
Theprinceaskedafewmorequestions,andthoughhelearnednothingelse,hebecamemoreandmoreagitated。
Leftalone,helaydownonthesofa,andbegantothink。
"Perhaps,"hethought,"someoneistobewiththemuntilninetonightandsheisafraidthatImaycomeandmakeafoolofmyselfagain,inpublic。"Sohespenthistimelongingfortheeveningandlookingathiswatch。Buttheclearing-upofthemysterycamelongbeforetheevening,andcameintheformofanewandagonizingriddle。
HalfanhouraftertheEpanchinshadgone,Hippolytearrived,sotiredthat,almostunconscious,hesankintoachair,andbrokeintosuchafitofcoughingthathecouldnotstop。Hecoughedtillthebloodcame。Hiseyesglittered,andtworedspotsonhischeeksgrewbrighterandbrighter。Theprincemurmuredsomethingtohim,butHippolyteonlysignedthathemustbeleftaloneforawhile,andsatsilent。Atlasthecametohimself。
"Iamoff,"hesaid,hoarsely,andwithdifficulty。
"ShallIseeyouhome?"askedtheprince,risingfromhisseat,butsuddenlystoppingshortasherememberedAglaya’sprohibitionagainstleavingthehouse。Hippolytelaughed。
"Idon’tmeanthatIamgoingtoleaveyourhouse,"hecontinued,stillgaspingandcoughing。"Onthecontrary,Ithoughtitabsolutelynecessarytocomeandseeyou;otherwiseIshouldnothavetroubledyou。Iamoffthere,youknow,andthistimeI
believe,seriously,thatIamoff!It’sallover。Ididnotcomehereforsympathy,believeme。Ilaydownthismorningatteno’clockwiththeintentionofnotrisingagainbeforethattime;
butIthoughtitoverandrosejustoncemoreinordertocomehere;fromwhichyoumaydeducethatIhadsomereasonforwishingtocome。"
"Itgrievesmetoseeyouso,Hippolyte。Whydidn’tyousendmeamessage?Iwouldhavecomeupandsavedyouthistrouble。"
"Well,well!Enough!You’vepitiedme,andthat’sallthatgoodmannersexact。Iforgot,howareyou?"
"I’mallright;yesterdayIwasalittle——"
"Iknow,Iheard;thechinavasecaughtit!I’msorryIwasn’tthere。I’vecomeaboutsomethingimportant。InthefirstplaceI
had,thepleasureofseeingGavrilaArdalionovitchandAglayaIvanovnaenjoyingarendezvousonthegreenbenchinthepark。I
wasastonishedtoseewhatafoolamancanlook。IremarkeduponthefacttoAglayaIvanovnawhenhehadgone。Idon’tthinkanythingeversurprisesyou,prince!"addedHippolyte,gazingincredulouslyattheprince’scalmdemeanour。"Tobeastonishedbynothingisasign,theysay,ofagreatintellect。Inmyopinionitwouldserveequallywellasasignofgreatfoolishness。Iamnothintingaboutyou;pardonme!Iamveryunfortunatetodayinmyexpressions。
"IknewyesterdaythatGavrilaArdalionovitch——"begantheprince,andpausedinevidentconfusion,thoughHippolytehadshownannoyanceathisbetrayingnosurprise。
"Youknewit?Come,that’snews!Butno——perhapsbetternottellme。Andwereyouawitnessofthemeeting?"
"IfyouwerethereyourselfyoumusthaveknownthatIwasNOT
there!"
"Oh!butyoumayhavebeensittingbehindthebushessomewhere。
However,Iamveryglad,onyouraccount,ofcourse。IwasbeginningtobeafraidthatMr。Gania——mighthavethepreference!"
"MayIaskyou,Hippolyte,nottotalkofthissubject?Andnottousesuchexpressions?"
"Especiallyasyouknowall,eh?"
"Youarewrong。Iknowscarcelyanything,andAglayaIvanovnaisawarethatIknownothing。Iknewnothingwhateveraboutthismeeting。Yousaytherewasameeting。Verywell;let’sleaveitso——"
"Why,whatdoyoumean?Yousaidyouknew,andnowsuddenlyyouknownothing!Yousay’verywell;let’sleaveitso。’ButIsay,don’tbesoconfiding,especiallyasyouknownothing。YouareconfidingsimplyBECAUSEyouknownothing。Butdoyouknowwhatthesegoodpeoplehaveintheirminds’eye——Ganiaandhissister?
Perhapsyouaresuspicious?Well,well,I’lldropthesubject!"
headded,hastily,observingtheprince’simpatientgesture。"ButI’vecometoyouonmyownbusiness;Iwishtomakeyouaclearexplanation。Whatanuisanceitisthatonecannotdiewithoutexplanations!Ihavemadesuchaquantityofthemalready。DoyouwishtohearwhatIhavetosay?"
"Speakaway,Iamlistening。"
"Verywell,butI’llchangemymind,andbeginaboutGania。Justfancytobeginwith,ifyoucan,thatI,too,wasgivenanappointmentatthegreenbenchtoday!However,Iwon’tdeceiveyou;Iaskedfortheappointment。IsaidIhadasecrettodisclose。Idon’tknowwhetherIcametheretooearly,IthinkI
musthave;butscarcelyhadIsatdownbesideAglayaIvanovnathanIsawGavrilaArdalionovitchandhissisterVariacomingalong,arminarm,justasthoughtheywereenjoyingamorningwalktogether。Bothofthemseemedverymuchastonished,nottosaydisturbed,atseeingme;theyevidentlyhadnotexpectedthepleasure。AglayaIvanovnablushedup,andwasactuallyalittleconfused。Idon’tknowwhetheritwasmerelybecauseIwasthere,orwhetherGania’sbeautywastoomuchforher!Butanyway,sheturnedcrimson,andthenfinishedupthebusinessinaveryfunnymanner。Shejumpedupfromherseat,bowedbacktoGania,smiledtoVaria,andsuddenlyobserved:’Ionlycameheretoexpressmygratitudeforallyourkindwishesonmybehalf,andtosaythatifIfindIneedyourservices,believeme——’Hereshebowedthemaway,asitwere,andtheybothmarchedoffagain,lookingveryfoolish。Ganiaevidentlycouldnotmakeheadnortailofthematter,andturnedasredasalobster;butVariaunderstoodatoncethattheymustgetawayasquicklyastheycould,soshedraggedGaniaaway;sheisagreatdealclevererthanheis。Asformyself,IwenttheretoarrangeameetingtobeheldbetweenAglayaIvanovnaandNastasiaPhilipovna。"
"NastasiaPhilipovna!"criedtheprince。
"Aha!Ithinkyouaregrowinglesscool,myfriend,andarebeginningtobeatriflesurprised,aren’tyou?I’mgladthatyouarenotaboveordinaryhumanfeelings,foronce。I’llconsoleyoualittlenow,afteryourconsternation。SeewhatIgetforservingayoungandhigh-souledmaiden!ThismorningIreceivedaslapinthefacefromthelady!"
"A——amoralone?"askedtheprince,involuntarily。
"Yes——notaphysicalone!Idon’tsupposeanyone——evenawoman——
wouldraiseahandagainstmenow。EvenGaniawouldhesitate!I
didthinkatonetimeyesterday,thathewouldflyatme,though。
IbetanythingthatIknowwhatyouarethinkingofnow!Youarethinking:’Ofcourseonecan’tstrikethelittlewretch,butonecouldsuffocatehimwithapillow,orawettowel,whenheisasleep!OneOUGHTtogetridofhimsomehow。’Icanseeinyourfacethatyouarethinkingthatatthisverysecond。"
"Ineverthoughtofsuchathingforamoment,"saidtheprince,withdisgust。
"Idon’tknow——IdreamedlastnightthatIwasbeingsuffocatedwithawetclothby——somebody。I’lltellyouwhoitwas——Rogojin!
Whatdoyouthink,canamanbesuffocatedwithawetcloth?"
"Idon’tknow。"
"I’veheardso。Well,we’llleavethatquestionjustnow。WhyamIascandal-monger?Whydidshecallmeascandal-monger?Andmind,AFTERshehadheardeverywordIhadtotellher,andhadaskedallsortsofquestionsbesides——butsuchisthewayofwomen。ForHERsakeIenteredintorelationswithRogojin——aninterestingman!AtHERrequestIarrangedapersonalinterviewbetweenherselfandNastasiaPhilipovna。CouldshehavebeenangrybecauseIhintedthatshewasenjoyingNastasiaPhilipovna’s’leavings’?Why,Ihavebeenimpressingituponherallthiswhileforherowngood。TwolettershaveIwrittenherinthatstrain,andIbeganstraightofftodayaboutitsbeinghumiliatingforher。Besides,theword’leavings’isnotmyinvention。Atallevents,theyalluseditatGania’s,andsheuseditherself。SowhyamIascandal-monger?Isee——Iseeyouaretremendouslyamused,atthismoment!Probablyyouarelaughingatmeandfittingthosesillylinestomycase——
"’MaybesadLoveuponhissettingsmiles,Andwithvainhopeshisfarewellhourbeguiles。
"Ha,ha,ha!"
Hippolytesuddenlyburstintoafitofhystericallaughter,whichturnedintoachokingcough。
"Observe,"hegasped,throughhiscoughing,"whatafellowGaniais!HetalksaboutNastasia’s’leavings,’butwhatdoeshewanttotakehimself?"
Theprincesatsilentforalongwhile。Hismindwasfilledwithdreadandhorror。
"YouspokeofameetingwithNastasiaPhilipovna,"hesaidatlast,inalowvoice。
"Oh——come!SurelyyoumustknowthatthereistobeameetingtodaybetweenNastasiaandAglayaIvanovna,andthatNastasiahasbeensentforonpurpose,throughRogojin,fromSt。Petersburg?
IthasbeenbroughtaboutbyinvitationofAglayaIvanovnaandmyownefforts,andNastasiaisatthismomentwithRogojin,notfarfromhere——atDanaAlexeyevna’s——thatcuriousfriendofhers;andtothisquestionablehouseAglayaIvanovnaistoproceedforafriendlychatwithNastasiaPhilipovna,andforthesettlementofseveralproblems。Theyaregoingtoplayatarithmetic——didn’tyouknowaboutit?Wordofhonour?"
"It’samostimprobablestory。"
"Oh,verywell!ifit’simprobable——itis——that’sall!Andyet——
whereshouldyouhaveheardit?ThoughImustsay,ifaflycrossestheroomit’sknownallovertheplacehere。However,I’vewarnedyou,andyoumaybegratefultome。Well——aurevoir——
probablyinthenextworld!Onemorething——don’tthinkthatIamtellingyouallthisforyoursake。Oh,dear,no!DoyouknowthatIdedicatedmyconfessiontoAglayaIvanovna?Ididthough,andhowshetookit,ha,ha!Oh,no!Iamnotactingfromanyhigh,exaltedmotives。ButthoughImayhavebehavedlikeacadtoyou,IhavenotdoneHERanyharm。Idon’tapologizeformywordsabout’leavings’andallthat。Iamatoningforthat,yousee,bytellingyoutheplaceandtimeofthemeeting。Goodbye!
Youhadbettertakeyourmeasures,ifyouareworthythenameofaman!Themeetingisfixedforthisevening——that’scertain。"
Hippolytewalkedtowardsthedoor,buttheprincecalledhimbackandhestopped。
"ThenyouthinkAglayaIvanovnaherselfintendstogotoNastasiaPhilipovna’stonight?"heasked,andbrighthecticspotscameoutonhischeeksandforehead。
"Idon’tknowabsolutelyforcertain;butinallprobabilityitisso,"repliedHippolyte,lookinground。"Nastasiawouldhardlygotoher;andtheycan’tmeetatGania’s,withamannearlydeadinthehouse。"
"It’simpossible,forthatveryreason,"saidtheprince。"Howwouldshegetoutifshewishedto?Youdon’tknowthehabitsofthathouse——sheCOULDnotgetawayalonetoNastasiaPhilipovna’s!It’sallnonsense!"
"Lookhere,mydearprince,noonejumpsoutofthewindowiftheycanhelpit;butwhenthere’safire,thedandiestgentlemanorthefinestladyintheworldwillskipout!Whenthemomentcomes,andthere’snothingelsetobedone——ouryoungladywillgotoNastasiaPhilipovna’s!Don’ttheylettheyoungladiesoutofthehousealone,then?"
"Ididn’tmeanthatexactly。"
"Ifyoudidn’tmeanthat,thenshehasonlytogodownthestepsandwalkoff,andsheneednevercomebackunlessshechooses:
Shipsareburnedbehindonesometimes,andonedoesn’tcaretoreturnwhenceonecame。Lifeneednotconsistonlyoflunches,anddinners,andPrinceS’s。ItstrikesmeyoutakeAglayaIvanovnaforsomeconventionalboarding-schoolgirl。Isaidsotoher,andshequiteagreedwithme。Waittillsevenoreighto’clock。InyourplaceIwouldsendsomeonetheretokeepwatch,soastoseizetheexactmomentwhenshestepsoutofthehouse。
SendColia。He’llplaythespywithpleasure——foryouatleast。
Ha,ha,ha!"
Hippolytewentout。
Therewasnoreasonfortheprincetosetanyonetowatch,evenifhehadbeencapableofsuchathing。Aglaya’scommandthatheshouldstayathomealldayseemedalmostexplainednow。Perhapsshemeanttocallforhim,herself,oritmightbe,ofcourse,thatshewasanxioustomakesureofhisnotcomingthere,andthereforebadehimremainathome。Hisheadwhirled;thewholeroomseemedtobeturninground。Helaydownonthesofa,andclosedhiseyes。
Onewayortheotherthequestionwastobedecidedatlast——
finally。
Oh,no,hedidnotthinkofAglayaasaboarding-schoolmiss,orayoungladyoftheconventionaltype!Hehadlongsincefearedthatshemighttakesomesuchstepasthis。ButwhydidshewishtoseeNastasia?
Heshiveredalloverashelay;hewasinhighfeveragain。
No!hedidnotaccountherachild。Certainofherlooks,certainofherwords,oflate,hadfilledhimwithapprehension。Attimesithadstruckhimthatshewasputtingtoogreatarestraintuponherself,andherememberedthathehadbeenalarmedtoobservethis。Hehadtried,allthesedays,todriveawaytheheavythoughtsthatoppressedhim;butwhatwasthehiddenmysteryofthatsoul?Thequestionhadlongtormentedhim,althoughheimplicitlytrustedthatsoul。Andnowitwasalltobeclearedup。Itwasadreadfulthought。And"thatwoman"again!Whydidhealwaysfeelasthough"thatwoman"werefatedtoappearateachcriticalmomentofhislife,andtearthethreadofhisdestinylikeabitofrottenstring?ThathealwaysHADfeltthishewasreadytoswear,althoughhewashalfdeliriousatthemoment。Ifhehadtriedtoforgether,allthistime,itwassimplybecausehewasafraidofher。Didhelovethewomanorhateher?Thisquestionhedidnotonceaskhimselftoday;hisheartwasquitepure。Heknewwhomheloved。Hewasnotsomuchafraidofthismeeting,norofitsstrangeness,norofanyreasonstheremightbeforit,unknowntohimself;hewasafraidofthewomanherself,NastasiaPhilipovna。Heremembered,somedaysafterwards,howduringallthosefeveredhourshehadseenbutHEReyes,HERlook,hadheardHERvoice,strangewordsofhers;
herememberedthatthiswasso,althoughhecouldnotrecollectthedetailsofhisthoughts。
HecouldrememberthatVerabroughthimsomedinner,andthathetookit;butwhetherhesleptafterdinner,orno,hecouldnotrecollect。
HeonlyknewthathebegantodistinguishthingsclearlyfromthemomentwhenAglayasuddenlyappeared,andhejumpedupfromthesofaandwenttomeether。Itwasjustaquarterpastseventhen。
Aglayawasquitealone,anddressed,apparentlyhastily,inalightmantle。Herfacewaspale,asithadbeeninthemorning,andhereyeswereablazewithbrightbutsubduedfire。Hehadneverseenthatexpressioninhereyesbefore。
Shegazedattentivelyathim。
"Youarequiteready,Iobserve,"shesaid,withabsolutecomposure,"dressed,andyourhatinyourhand。Iseesomebodyhasthoughtfittowarnyou,andIknowwho。Hippolyte?"
"Yes,hetoldme,"saidtheprince,feelingonlyhalfalive。
"Comethen。Youknow,Isuppose,thatyoumustescortmethere?
Youarewellenoughtogoout,aren’tyou?"
"Iamwellenough;butisitreallypossible?——"
Hebrokeoffabruptly,andcouldnotaddanotherword。Thiswashisoneattempttostopthemadchild,and,afterhehadmadeit,hefollowedherasthoughhehadnowillofhisown。Confusedashisthoughtswere,hewas,nevertheless,capableofrealizingthefactthatifhedidnotgowithher,shewouldgoalone,andsohemustgowithheratallhazards。Heguessedthestrengthofherdetermination;itwasbeyondhimtocheckit。
Theywalkedsilently,andsaidscarcelyawordalltheway。Heonlynoticedthatsheseemedtoknowtheroadverywell;andonce,whenhethoughtitbettertogobyacertainlane,andremarkedtoherthatitwouldbequieterandlesspublic,sheonlysaid,"it’sallthesame,"andwenton。
WhentheywerealmostarrivedatDariaAlexeyevna’shouseitwasalargewoodenstructureofancientdate,agorgeously-dressedladyandayounggirlcameoutofit。Boththeseladiestooktheirseatsinacarriage,whichwaswaitingatthedoor,talkingandlaughingloudlythewhile,anddroveawaywithoutappearingtonoticetheapproachingcouple。
Nosoonerhadthecarriagedrivenoffthanthedooropenedoncemore;andRogojin,whohadapparentlybeenawaitingthem,lettheminandcloseditafterthem。
"Thereisnotanothersoulinthehousenowexceptingourfourselves,"hesaidaloud,lookingattheprinceinastrangeway。
NastasiaPhilipovnawaswaitingfortheminthefirstroomtheywentinto。Shewasdressedverysimply,inblack。
Sheroseattheirentrance,butdidnotsmileorgiveherhand,eventotheprince。HeranxiouseyeswerefixeduponAglaya。Bothsatdown,atalittledistancefromoneanother——Aglayaonthesofa,inthecorneroftheroom,Nastasiabythewindow。TheprinceandRogojinremainedstanding,andwerenotinvitedtosit。
MuishkinglancedatRogojininperplexity,butthelatteronlysmileddisagreeably,andsaidnothing。Thesilencecontinuedforsomefewmoments。
AnominousexpressionpassedoverNastasiaPhilipovna’sface,ofasudden。Itbecameobstinate-looking,hard,andfullofhatred;
butshedidnottakehereyesoffhervisitorsforamoment。
Aglayawasclearlyconfused,butnotfrightened。Onenteringshehadmerelyglancedmomentarilyatherrival,andthenhadsatstill,withhereyesontheground,apparentlyinthought。Onceortwicesheglancedcasuallyroundtheroom。Ashadeofdisgustwasvisibleinherexpression;shelookedasthoughshewereafraidofcontaminationinthisplace。
Shemechanicallyarrangedherdress,andfidgeteduncomfortably,eventuallychangingherseattotheotherendofthesofa。
Probablyshewasunconsciousofherownmovements;butthisveryunconsciousnessaddedtotheoffensivenessoftheirsuggestedmeaning。
AtlengthshelookedstraightintoNastasia’seyes,andinstantlyreadalltherewastoreadinherrival’sexpression。Womanunderstoodwoman!Aglayashuddered。
"YouknowofcoursewhyIrequestedthismeeting?"shesaidatlast,quietly,andpausingtwiceinthedeliveryofthisveryshortsentence。
"No——Iknownothingaboutit,"saidNastasia,drilyandabruptly。
Aglayablushed。Perhapsitstruckherasverystrangeandimpossiblethatsheshouldreallybesittinghereandwaitingfor"thatwoman’s"replytoherquestion。
AtthefirstsoundofNastasia’svoiceashudderranthroughherframe。Ofcourse"thatwoman"observedandtookinallthis。
"Youknowquitewell,butyouarepretendingtobeignorant,"
saidAglaya,verylow,withhereyesontheground。
"WhyshouldI?"askedNastasiaPhilipovna,smilingslightly。
"Youwanttotakeadvantageofmyposition,nowthatIaminyourhouse,"continuedAglaya,awkwardly。
"ForthatpositionYOUaretoblameandnotI,"saidNastasia,flaringupsuddenly。"_I_didnotinviteYOU,butyoume;andtothismomentIamquiteignorantastowhyIamthushonoured。"
Aglayaraisedherheadhaughtily。
"Restrainyourtongue!"shesaid。"Ididnotcomeheretofightyouwithyourownweapons。
"Oh!thenyoudidcome’tofight,’Imayconclude?Dearme!——andIthoughtyouwerecleverer——"
Theylookedatoneanotherwithundisguisedmalice。Oneofthesewomenhadwrittentotheother,solately,suchlettersaswehaveseen;anditallwasdispersedattheirfirstmeeting。Yetitappearedthatnotoneofthefourpersonsintheroomconsideredthisinanydegreestrange。
Theprincewho,uptoyesterday,wouldnothavebelievedthathecouldevendreamofsuchanimpossiblesceneasthis,stoodandlistenedandlookedon,andfeltasthoughhehadlongforeseenitall。Themostfantasticdreamseemedsuddenlytohavebeenmetamorphosedintothemostvividreality。
Oneofthesewomensodespisedtheother,andsolongedtoexpresshercontemptforherperhapsshehadonlycomeforthatverypurpose,asRogojinsaidnextday,thathowsoeverfantasticalwastheotherwoman,howsoeverafflictedherspiritanddisturbedherunderstanding,nopreconceivedideaofherscouldpossiblystandupagainstthatdeadlyfemininecontemptofherrival。TheprincefeltsurethatNastasiawouldsaynothingaboutthelettersherself;buthecouldjudgebyherflashingeyesandtheexpressionofherfacewhatthethoughtofthoselettersmustbecostingheratthismoment。HewouldhavegivenhalfhislifetopreventAglayafromspeakingofthem。ButAglayasuddenlybracedherselfup,andseemedtomasterherselffully,allinaninstant。
"Youhavenotquiteunderstood,"shesaid。"Ididnotcometoquarrelwithyou,thoughIdonotlikeyou。Icametospeaktoyouas……asonehumanbeingtoanother。IcamewithmymindmadeupastowhatIhadtosaytoyou,andIshallnotchangemyintention,althoughyoumaymisunderstandme。Somuchtheworseforyou,notformyself!Iwishedtoreplytoallyouhavewrittentomeandtoreplypersonally,becauseIthinkthatisthemoreconvenientway。Listentomyreplytoallyourletters。
IbegantobesorryforPrinceLefNicolaievitchontheverydayImadehisacquaintance,andwhenIheard——afterwards——ofallthattookplaceatyourhouseintheevening,Iwassorryforhimbecausehewassuchasimple-mindedman,andbecausehe,inthesimplicityofhissoul,believedthathecouldbehappywithawomanofyourcharacter。WhatIfearedactuallytookplace;youcouldnotlovehim,youtorturedhim,andthrewhimover。Youcouldnotlovehimbecauseyouaretooproud——no,notproud,thatisanerror;becauseyouaretoovain——no,notquitethateither;
tooself-loving;youareself-lovingtomadness。Yourletterstomeareaproofofit。Youcouldnotlovesosimpleasoulashis,andperhapsinyourheartyoudespisedhimandlaughedathim。
Allyoucouldlovewasyourshameandtheperpetualthoughtthatyouweredisgracedandinsulted。Ifyouwerelessshameful,orhadnocauseatallforshame,youwouldbestillmoreunhappythanyouarenow。
Aglayabroughtoutthesethrongingwordswithgreatsatisfaction。
Theycamefromherlipshurriedlyandimpetuously,andhadbeenpreparedandthoughtoutlongago,evenbeforeshehadeverdreamedofthepresentmeeting。ShewatchedwitheagernesstheeffectofherspeechasshowninNastasia’sface,whichwasdistortedwithagitation。
"Youremember,"shecontinued,"hewrotemealetteratthattime;hesaysyouknowallaboutthatletterandthatyouevenreadit。Iunderstandallbymeansofthisletter,andunderstanditcorrectly。Hehassinceconfirmeditalltome——whatInowsaytoyou,wordforword。AfterreceivinghisletterIwaited;I
guessedthatyouwouldsooncomebackhere,becauseyoucouldneverdowithoutPetersburg;youarestilltooyoungandlovelyfortheprovinces。However,thisisnotmyownidea,"sheadded,blushingdreadfully;andfromthismomentthecolourneverlefthercheekstotheendofherspeech。WhenInextsawtheprinceI
begantofeelterriblypainedandhurtonhisaccount。Donotlaugh;ifyoulaughyouareunworthyofunderstandingwhatI
say。"
"SurelyyouseethatIamnotlaughing,"saidNastasia,sadlyandsternly。
"However,it’sallthesametome;laughornot,justasyouplease。WhenIaskedhimaboutyou,hetoldmethathehadlongsinceceasedtoloveyou,thattheveryrecollectionofyouwasatorturetohim,butthathewassorryforyou;andthatwhenhethoughtofyouhisheartwaspierced。IoughttotellyouthatI
neverinmylifemetamananythinglikehimfornoblesimplicityofmindandforboundlesstrustfulness。Iguessedthatanyonewholikedcoulddeceivehim,andthathewouldimmediatelyforgiveanyonewhodiddeceivehim;anditwasforthisthatIgrewtolovehim——"
Aglayapausedforamoment,asthoughsuddenlybroughtupinastonishmentthatshecouldhavesaidthesewords,butatthesametimeagreatprideshoneinhereyes,likeadefiantassertionthatitwouldnotmattertoherif"thiswoman"laughedinherfacefortheadmissionjustmade。
"Ihavetoldyouallnow,andofcourseyouunderstandwhatI
wishofyou。"
"PerhapsIdo;buttellmeyourself,"saidNastasiaPhilipovna,quietly。
Aglayaflushedupangrily。
"Iwishedtofindoutfromyou,"shesaid,firmly,"bywhatrightyoudaretomeddlewithhisfeelingsforme?Bywhatrightyoudaredsendmethoseletters?Bywhatrightdoyoucontinuallyremindbothmeandhimthatyoulovehim,afteryouyourselfthrewhimoverandranawayfromhiminsoinsultingandshamefulaway?"
"InevertoldeitherhimoryouthatIlovedhim!"repliedNastasiaPhilipovna,withaneffort。"And——andIdidrunawayfromhim——youarerightthere,"sheadded,scarcelyaudibly。
"Nevertoldeitherhimorme?"criedAglaya。"Howaboutyourletters?Whoaskedyoutotrytopersuademetomarryhim?Wasnotthatadeclarationfromyou?Whydoyouforceyourselfuponusinthisway?IconfessIthoughtatfirstthatyouwereanxioustoarouseanaversionforhiminmyheartbyyourmeddling,inorderthatImightgivehimup;anditwasonlyafterwardsthatIguessedthetruth。Youimaginedthatyouweredoinganheroicaction!Howcouldyouspareanyloveforhim,whenyouloveyourownvanitytosuchanextent?Whycouldyounotsimplygoawayfromhere,insteadofwritingmethoseabsurdletters?WhydoyounotNOWmarrythatgenerousmanwholovesyou,andhasdoneyouthehonourofofferingyouhishand?Itisplainenoughwhy;ifyoumarryRogojinyouloseyourgrievance;
youwillhavenothingmoretocomplainof。Youwillbereceivingtoomuchhonour。EvgeniePavlovitchwassayingtheotherdaythatyouhadreadtoomanypoemsandaretoowelleducatedfor——yourposition;andthatyouliveinidleness。Addtothisyourvanity,and,thereyouhavereasonenough——"
"Anddoyounotliveinidleness?"
Thingshadcometothisunexpectedpointtooquickly。UnexpectedbecauseNastasiaPhilipovna,onherwaytoPavlofsk,hadthoughtandconsideredagooddeal,andhadexpectedsomethingdifferent,thoughperhapsnotaltogethergood,fromthisinterview;butAglayahadbeencarriedawaybyherownoutburst,justasarollingstonegathersimpetusasitcareersdownhill,andcouldnotrestrainherselfinthesatisfactionofrevenge。
Itwasstrange,NastasiaPhilipovnafelt,toseeAglayalikethis。Shegazedather,andcouldhardlybelievehereyesandearsforamomentortwo。
Whethershewereawomanwhohadreadtoomanypoems,asEvgeniePavlovitchsupposed,orwhethersheweremad,astheprincehadassuredAglaya,atallevents,thiswasawomanwho,inspiteofheroccasionallycynicalandaudaciousmanner,wasfarmorerefinedandtrustfulandsensitivethanappeared。Therewasacertainamountofromanticdreaminessandcapriceinher,butwiththefantasticwasmingledmuchthatwasstronganddeep。
Theprincerealizedthis,andgreatsufferingexpresseditselfinhisface。
Aglayaobservedit,andtrembledwithanger。
"Howdareyouspeaksotome?"shesaid,withahaughtinesswhichwasquiteindescribable,replyingtoNastasia’slastremark。
"YoumusthavemisunderstoodwhatIsaid,"saidNastasia,insomesurprise。
"Ifyouwishedtopreserveyourgoodname,whydidyounotgiveupyour——your’guardian,’Totski,withoutallthattheatricalposturing?"saidAglaya,suddenlyaproposofnothing。
"Whatdoyouknowofmyposition,thatyoudaretojudgeme?"
criedNastasia,quiveringwithrage,andgrowingterriblywhite。
"Iknowthismuch,thatyoudidnotgoouttohonestwork,butwentawaywitharichman,Rogojin,inordertoposeasafallenangel。Idon’twonderthatTotskiwasnearlydriventosuicidebysuchafallenangel。"
"Silence!"criedNastasiaPhilipovna。"Youareaboutasfittounderstandmeasthehousemaidhere,whoborewitnessagainstherloverincourttheotherday。Shewouldunderstandmebetterthanyoudo。"
"Probablyanhonestgirllivingbyherowntoil。Whydoyouspeakofahousemaidsocontemptuously?"
"Idonotdespisetoil;Idespiseyouwhenyouspeakoftoil。"
"Ifyouhadcaredtobeanhonestwoman,youwouldhavegoneoutasalaundress。"
Bothhadrisen,andweregazingatoneanotherwithpallidfaces。
"Aglaya,don’t!Thisisunfair,"criedtheprince,deeplydistressed。
Rogojinwasnotsmilingnow;hesatandlistenedwithfoldedarms,andlipstightcompressed。
"There,lookather,"criedNastasia,tremblingwithpassion。
"Lookatthisyounglady!AndIimaginedheranangel!Didyoucometomewithoutyourgoverness,AglayaIvanovna?Oh,fie,nowshallIjusttellyouwhyyoucameheretoday?ShallItellyouwithoutanyembellishments?Youcamebecauseyouwereafraidofme!"
"AfraidofYOU?"askedAglaya,besideherselfwithnaiveamazementthattheothershoulddaretalktoherlikethis。
"Yes,me,ofcourse!Ofcourseyouwereafraidofme,oryouwouldnothavedecidedtocome。Youcannotdespiseoneyoufear。
AndtothinkthatIhaveactuallyesteemedyouuptothisverymoment!Doyouknowwhyyouareafraidofme,andwhatisyourobjectnow?Youwishedtosatisfyyourselfwithyourowneyesastowhichhelovesbest,myselforyou,becauseyouarefearfullyjealous。"
"Hehastoldmealreadythathehatesyou,"murmuredAglaya,scarcelyaudibly。
"Perhaps,perhaps!Iamnotworthyofhim,Iknow。ButIthinkyouarelying,allthesame。Hecannothateme,andhecannothavesaidso。Iamreadytoforgiveyou,inconsiderationofyourposition;butIconfessIthoughtbetterofyou。Ithoughtyouwerewiser,andmorebeautiful,too;Idid,indeed!Well,takeyourtreasure!See,heisgazingatyou,hecan’trecollecthimself。Takehim,butononecondition;goawayatonce,thisinstant!"
Shefellbackintoachair,andburstintotears。Butsuddenlysomenewexpressionblazedinhereyes。ShestaredfixedlyatAglaya,androsefromherseat。
"Orwouldyoulikemetobidhim,BIDHIM,doyouhear,COMMAND
HIM,now,atonce,tothrowyouup,andremainmineforever?
ShallI?Hewillstay,andhewillmarrymetoo,andyoushalltrothomeallalone。ShallI?——shallIsaytheword?"shescreamedlikeamadwoman,scarcelybelievingherselfthatshecouldreallypronouncesuchwildwords。
Aglayahadmadeforthedoorinterror,butshestoppedatthethreshold,andlistened。"ShallIturnRogojinoff?Ha!ha!youthoughtIwouldmarryhimforyourbenefit,didyou?Why,I’llcalloutNOW,ifyoulike,inyourpresence,’Rogojin,getout!’
andsaytotheprince,’Doyourememberwhatyoupromisedme?’
Heavens!whatafoolIhavebeentohumiliatemyselfbeforethem!
Why,prince,youyourselfgavemeyourwordthatyouwouldmarrymewhateverhappened,andwouldneverabandonme。Yousaidyoulovedmeandwouldforgivemeall,and——andresp——yes,youevensaidthat!Ionlyranawayfromyouinordertosetyoufree,andnowIdon’tcaretoletyougoagain。Whydoesshetreatmeso——
soshamefully?Iamnotaloosewoman——askRogojinthere!He’lltellyou。Willyougoagainnowthatshehasinsultedme,beforeyoureyes,too;turnawayfrommeandleadheraway,arm-in-arm?
Mayyoubeaccursedtoo,foryouweretheonlyoneItrustedamongthemall!Goaway,Rogojin,Idon’twantyou,"shecontinued,blindwithfury,andforcingthewordsoutwithdrylipsanddistortedfeatures,evidentlynotbelievingasinglewordofherowntirade,but,atthesametime,doingherutmosttoprolongthemomentofself-deception。
Theoutburstwassoterriblyviolentthattheprincethoughtitwouldhavekilledher。
"Thereheis!"sheshriekedagain,pointingtotheprinceandaddressingAglaya。"Thereheis!andifhedoesnotapproachmeatonceandtakeMEandthrowyouover,thenhavehimforyourown——Igivehimuptoyou!Idon’twanthim!"
BothsheandAglayastoodandwaitedasthoughinexpectation,andbothlookedattheprincelikemadwomen。
Buthe,perhaps,didnotunderstandthefullforceofthischallenge;infact,itiscertainhedidnot。Allhecouldseewasthepoordespairingfacewhich,ashehadsaidtoAglaya,"hadpiercedhisheartforever。"
Hecouldbearitnolonger,andwithalookofentreaty,mingledwithreproach,headdressedAglaya,pointingtoNastasiathewhile:
"Howcanyou?"hemurmured;"sheissounhappy。"
Buthehadnotimetosayanotherwordbefore。Aglaya’sterriblelookberefthimofspeech。Inthatlookwasembodiedsodreadfulasufferingandsodeadlyahatred,thathegaveacryandflewtoher;butitwastoolate。
Shecouldnotholdoutlongenougheventowitnesshismovementinherdirection。Shehadhiddenherfaceinherhands,criedonce"Oh,myGod!"andrushedoutoftheroom。Rogojinfollowedhertoundotheboltsofthedoorandletheroutintothestreet。
Theprincemadearushafterher,buthe,wascaughtandheldback。Thedistorted,lividfaceofNastasiagazedathimreproachfully,andherbluelipswhispered:
"What?Wouldyougotoher——toher?"
Shefellsenselessintohisarms。
Heraisedher,carriedherintotheroom,placedherinanarm-
chair,andstoodoverher,stupefied。Onthetablestoodatumblerofwater。Rogojin,whonowreturned,tookthisandsprinkledalittleinherface。Sheopenedhereyes,butforamomentsheunderstoodnothing。
Suddenlyshelookedaround,shuddered,gavealoudcry,andthrewherselfintheprince’sarms。
"Mine,mine!"shecried。"Hastheproudyoungladygone?Ha,ha,ha!"shelaughedhysterically。"AndIhadgivenhimuptoher!
Why——whydidI?Mad——mad!Getaway,Rogojin!Ha,ha,ha!"
Rogojinstaredintentlyatthem;thenhetookhishat,andwithoutaword,lefttheroom。
Afewmomentslater,theprincewasseatedbyNastasiaonthesofa,gazingintohereyesandstrokingherfaceandhair,ashewouldalittlechild’s。Helaughedwhenshelaughed,andwasreadytocrywhenshecried。Hedidnotspeak,butlistenedtoherexcited,disconnectedchatter,hardlyunderstandingawordofitthewhile。Nosoonerdidhedetecttheslightestappearanceofcomplaining,orweeping,orreproaching,thanhewouldsmileatherkindly,andbeginstrokingherhairandhercheeks,soothingandconsolingheroncemore,asifshewereachild。
IX。
AFORTNIGHThadpassedsincetheeventsrecordedinthelastchapter,andthepositionoftheactorsinourstoryhadbecomesochangedthatitisalmostimpossibleforustocontinuethetalewithoutsomefewexplanations。Yetwefeelthatweoughttolimitourselvestothesimplerecordoffacts,withoutmuchattemptatexplanation,foraverypatentreason:becauseweourselveshavethegreatestpossibledifficultyinaccountingforthefactstoberecorded。Suchastatementonourpartmayappearstrangetothereader。Howisanyonetotellastorywhichhecannotunderstandhimself?Inordertokeepclearofafalseposition,wehadperhapsbettergiveanexampleofwhatwemean;
andprobablytheintelligentreaderwillsoonunderstandthedifficulty。Moreespeciallyareweinclinedtotakethiscoursesincetheexamplewillconstituteadistinctmarchforwardofourstory,andwillnothindertheprogressoftheeventsremainingtoberecorded。
Duringthenextfortnight——thatis,throughtheearlypartofJuly——thehistoryofourherowascirculatedintheformofstrange,diverting,mostunlikely-soundingstories,whichpassedfrommouthtomouth,throughthestreetsandvillasadjoiningthoseinhabitedbyLebedeff,Ptitsin,NastasiaPhilipovnaandtheEpanchins;infact,prettywellthroughthewholetownanditsenvirons。Allsociety——boththeinhabitantsoftheplaceandthosewhocamedownofaneveningforthemusic——hadgotholdofoneandthesamestory,inathousandvarietiesofdetail——astohowacertainyoungprincehadraisedaterriblescandalinamostrespectablehousehold,hadthrownoveradaughterofthefamily,towhomhewasengaged,andhadbeencapturedbyawomanofshadyreputationwhomhewasdeterminedtomarryatonce——
breakingoffalloldtiesforthesatisfactionofhisinsaneidea;and,inspiteofthepublicindignationrousedbyhisaction,themarriagewastotakeplaceinPavlofskopenlyandpublicly,andtheprincehadannouncedhisintentionofgoingthroughwithitwithheaderectandlookingthewholeworldintheface。Thestorywassoartfullyadornedwithscandalousdetails,andpersonsofsogreateminenceandimportancewereapparentlymixedupinit,while,atthesametime,theevidencewassocircumstantial,thatitwasnowonderthemattergavefoodforplentyofcuriosityandgossip。
Accordingtothereportsofthemosttalentedgossip-mongers——
thosewho,ineveryclassofsociety,arealwaysinhastetoexplaineveryeventtotheirneighbours——theyounggentlemanconcernedwasofgoodfamily——aprince——fairlyrich——weakofintellect,butademocratandadabblerintheNihilismoftheperiod,asexposedbyMr。Turgenieff。HecouldhardlytalkRussian,buthadfalleninlovewithoneoftheMissEpanchins,andhissuitmetwithsomuchencouragementthathehadbeenreceivedinthehouseastherecognizedbridegroom-to-beoftheyounglady。ButliketheFrenchmanofwhomthestoryistoldthathestudiedforholyorders,tookalltheoaths,wasordainedpriest,andnextmorningwrotetohisbishopinforminghimthat,ashedidnotbelieveinGodandconsidereditwrongtodeceivethepeopleandliveupontheirpockets,hebeggedtosurrendertheordersconferreduponhimthedaybefore,andtoinformhislordshipthathewassendingthislettertothepublicpress,——
likethisFrenchman,theprinceplayedafalsegame。Itwasrumouredthathehadpurposelywaitedforthesolemnoccasionofalargeeveningpartyatthehouseofhisfuturebride,atwhichhewasintroducedtoseveraleminentpersons,inorderpubliclytomakeknownhisideasandopinions,andtherebyinsultthe"big-wigs,"andtothrowoverhisbrideasoffensivelyaspossible;andthat,resistingtheservantswhoweretoldofftoturnhimoutofthehouse,hehadseizedandthrowndownamagnificentchinavase。Asacharacteristicadditiontotheabove,itwascurrentlyreportedthattheyoungprincereallylovedtheladytowhomhewasengaged,andhadthrownheroveroutofpurelyNihilisticmotives,withtheintentionofgivinghimselfthesatisfactionofmarryingafallenwomaninthefaceofalltheworld,therebypublishinghisopinionthatthereisnodistinctionbetweenvirtuousanddisreputablewomen,butthatallwomenarealike,free;anda"fallen"woman,indeed,somewhatsuperiortoavirtuousone。
Itwasdeclaredthathebelievedinnoclassesoranythingelse,excepting"thewomanquestion。"
Allthislookedlikelyenough,andwasacceptedasfactbymostoftheinhabitantsoftheplace,especiallyasitwasborneout,moreorless,bydailyoccurrences。
Ofcoursemuchwassaidthatcouldnotbedeterminedabsolutely。
Forinstance,itwasreportedthatthepoorgirlhadsolovedherfuturehusbandthatshehadfollowedhimtothehouseoftheotherwoman,thedayaftershehadbeenthrownover;otherssaidthathehadinsistedonhercoming,himself,inordertoshameandinsultherbyhistauntsandNihilisticconfessionswhenshereachedthehouse。Howeverallthesethingsmightbe,thepublicinterestinthemattergrewdaily,especiallyasitbecameclearthatthescandalousweddingwasundoubtedlytotakeplace。
Sothatifourreadersweretoaskanexplanation,notofthewildreportsabouttheprince’sNihilisticopinions,butsimplyastohowsuchamarriagecouldpossiblysatisfyhisrealaspirations,orastothespiritualconditionofourheroatthistime,weconfessthatweshouldhavegreatdifficultyingivingtherequiredinformation。
Allweknowis,thatthemarriagereallywasarranged,andthattheprincehadcommissionedLebedeffandKellertolookafterallthenecessarybusinessconnectedwithit;thathehadrequestedthemtosparenoexpense;thatNastasiaherselfwashurryingonthewedding;thatKellerwastobetheprince’sbestman,athisownearnestrequest;andthatBurdovskywastogiveNastasiaaway,tohisgreatdelight。TheweddingwastotakeplacebeforethemiddleofJuly。
But,besidestheabove,wearecognizantofcertainotherundoubtedfacts,whichpuzzleusagooddealbecausetheyseemflatlytocontradicttheforegoing。
Wesuspect,forinstance,thathavingcommissionedLebedeffandtheothers,asabove,theprinceimmediatelyforgotallaboutmastersofceremoniesandeventheceremonyitself;andwefeelquitecertainthatinmakingthesearrangementshedidsoinorderthathemightabsolutelyescapeallthoughtofthewedding,andevenforgetitsapproachifhecould,bydetailingallbusinessconcerningittoothers。