wonttoregardhimfromourremotepewinthegallery,as,withstepsolemnandslow,heascendedthepulpit!Thisreverendman,withcountenancesodemurelybenign,withrobessoglossyandsoclericallyflowing,withwigsominutelypowdered,sorigidandsovast,-couldthisbehewho,oflate,withsourvisage,andinsnuffyhabiliments,administered,feruleinhand,theDraconianlawsoftheacademy?Oh,giganticparadox,tooutterlymonstrousforsolution!
Atanangleoftheponderouswallfrownedamoreponderousgate。Itwasrivetedandstuddedwithironbolts,andsurmountedwithjaggedironspikes。Whatimpressionsofdeepawediditinspire!Itwasneveropenedsaveforthethreeperiodicalegressionsandingressionsalreadymentioned;then,ineverycreakofitsmightyhinges,wefoundaplenitudeofmysteryaworldofmatterforsolemnremark,orformoresolemnmeditation。
Theextensiveenclosurewasirregularinform,havingmanycapaciousrecesses。Ofthese,threeorfourofthelargestconstitutedtheplay-ground。Itwaslevel,andcoveredwithfinehardgravel。Iwellrememberithadnotrees,norbenches,noranythingsimilarwithinit。Ofcourseitwasintherearofthehouse。Infrontlayasmallparterre,plantedwithboxandothershrubs;butthroughthissacreddivisionwepassedonlyuponrareoccasionsindeedsuchasafirstadventtoschoolorfinaldeparturethence,orperhaps,whenaparentorfriendhavingcalledforus,wejoyfullytookourwayhomefortheChristmasorMidsummerholy-days。
Butthehouse!howquaintanoldbuildingwasthis!tomehowveritablyapalaceofenchantment!Therewasreallynoendtoitswindingstoitsincomprehensiblesubdivisions。Itwasdifficult,atanygiventime,tosaywithcertaintyuponwhichofitstwostoriesonehappenedtobe。Fromeachroomtoeveryotherthereweresuretobefoundthreeorfourstepseitherinascentordescent。
Thenthelateralbrancheswereinnumerableinconceivableandsoreturninginuponthemselves,thatourmostexactideasinregardtothewholemansionwerenotveryfardifferentfromthosewithwhichwepondereduponinfinity。Duringthefiveyearsofmyresidencehere,Iwasneverabletoascertainwithprecision,inwhatremotelocalitylaythelittlesleepingapartmentassignedtomyselfandsomeeighteenortwentyotherscholars。
Theschool-roomwasthelargestinthehouseIcouldnothelpthinking,intheworld。Itwasverylong,narrow,anddismallylow,withpointedGothicwindowsandaceilingofoak。Inaremoteandterror-inspiringanglewasasquareenclosureofeightortenfeet,comprisingthesanctum,“duringhours。”ofourprincipal,theReverendDr。Bransby。Itwasasolidstructure,withmassydoor,soonerthanopenwhichintheabsenceofthe“Dominic。”wewouldallhavewillinglyperishedbythepeineforteetdure。Inotheranglesweretwoothersimilarboxes,farlessreverenced,indeed,butstillgreatlymattersofawe。Oneofthesewasthepulpitofthe“classical“usher,oneofthe“Englishandmathematical。”
Interspersedabouttheroom,crossingandrecrossinginendlessirregularity,wereinnumerablebenchesanddesks,black,ancient,andtime-worn,pileddesperatelywithmuch-bethumbedbooks,andsobeseamedwithinitialletters,namesatfulllength,grotesquefigures,andothermultipliedeffortsoftheknife,astohaveentirelylostwhatlittleoforiginalformmighthavebeentheirportionindayslongdeparted。Ahugebucketwithwaterstoodatoneextremityoftheroom,andaclockofstupendousdimensionsattheother。
Encompassedbythemassywallsofthisvenerableacademy,Ipassed,yetnotintediumordisgust,theyearsofthethirdlustrumofmylife。Theteemingbrainofchildhoodrequiresnoexternalworldofincidenttooccupyoramuseit;andtheapparentlydismalmonotonyofaschoolwasrepletewithmoreintenseexcitementthanmyriperyouthhasderivedfromluxury,ormyfullmanhoodfromcrime。YetImustbelievethatmyfirstmentaldevelopmenthadinitmuchoftheuncommonevenmuchoftheoutre。Uponmankindatlargetheeventsofveryearlyexistencerarelyleaveinmatureageanydefiniteimpression。Allisgrayshadowaweakandirregularremembrance
anindistinctregatheringoffeeblepleasuresandphantasmagoricpains。Withmethisisnotso。InchildhoodImusthavefeltwiththeenergyofamanwhatInowfindstampeduponmemoryinlinesasvivid,asdeep,andasdurableastheexerguesoftheCarthaginianmedals。
Yetinfactinthefactoftheworld’sviewhowlittlewastheretoremember!Themorning’sawakening,thenightlysummonstobed;theconnings,therecitations;theperiodicalhalf-holidays,andperambulations;theplay-ground,withitsbroils,itspastimes,itsintrigues;these,byamentalsorcerylongforgotten,weremadetoinvolveawildernessofsensation,aworldofrichincident,anuniverseofvariedemotion,ofexcitementthemostpassionateandspirit-stirring。“Oh,lebontemps,quecesiecledefer!”
Intruth,theardor,theenthusiasm,andtheimperiousnessofmydisposition,soonrenderedmeamarkedcharacteramongmyschoolmates,andbyslow,butnaturalgradations,gavemeanascendancyoverallnotgreatlyolderthanmyself;overallwithasingleexception。Thisexceptionwasfoundinthepersonofascholar,who,althoughnorelation,borethesameChristianandsurnameasmyself;acircumstance,infact,littleremarkable;
for,notwithstandinganobledescent,minewasoneofthoseeverydayappellationswhichseem,byprescriptiveright,tohavebeen,timeoutofmind,thecommonpropertyofthemob。InthisnarrativeIhavethereforedesignatedmyselfasWilliamWilson,afictitioustitlenotverydissimilartothereal。Mynamesakealone,ofthosewhoinschoolphraseologyconstituted“ourset。”presumedtocompetewithmeinthestudiesoftheclassinthesportsandbroilsoftheplay-groundtorefuseimplicitbeliefinmyassertions,andsubmissiontomywillindeed,tointerferewithmyarbitrarydictationinanyrespectwhatsoever。Ifthereisonearthasupremeandunqualifieddespotism,itisthedespotismofamastermindinboyhoodoverthelessenergeticspiritsofitscompanions。
Wilson’srebellionwastomeasourceofthegreatestembarrassment;
themoresoas,inspiteofthebravadowithwhichinpublicI
madeapointoftreatinghimandhispretensions,IsecretlyfeltthatIfearedhim,andcouldnothelpthinkingtheequalitywhichhemaintainedsoeasilywithmyself,aproofofhistruesuperiority;
sincenottobeovercomecostmeaperpetualstruggle。Yetthissuperiorityeventhisequalitywasintruthacknowledgedbynoonebutmyself;ourassociates,bysomeunaccountableblindness,seemednoteventosuspectit。Indeed,hiscompetition,hisresistance,andespeciallyhisimpertinentanddoggedinterferencewithmypurposes,werenotmorepointedthanprivate。Heappearedtobedestitutealikeoftheambitionwhichurged,andofthepassionateenergyofmindwhichenabledmetoexcel。Inhisrivalryhemighthavebeensupposedactuatedsolelybyawhimsicaldesiretothwart,astonish,ormortifymyself;althoughthereweretimeswhenIcouldnothelpobserving,withafeelingmadeupofwonder,abasement,andpique,thathemingledwithhisinjuries,hisinsults,orhiscontradictions,acertainmostinappropriate,andassuredlymostunwelcomeaffectionatenessofmanner。Icouldonlyconceivethissingularbehaviortoarisefromaconsummateself-conceitassumingthevulgarairsofpatronageandprotection。
PerhapsitwasthislattertraitinWilson’sconduct,conjoinedwithouridentityofname,andthemereaccidentofourhavingenteredtheschooluponthesameday,whichsetafloatthenotionthatwewerebrothers,amongtheseniorclassesintheacademy。Thesedonotusuallyinquirewithmuchstrictnessintotheaffairsoftheirjuniors。Ihavebeforesaid,orshouldhavesaid,thatWilsonwasnot,inthemostremotedegree,connectedwithmyfamily。Butassuredlyifwehadbeenbrotherswemusthavebeentwins;for,afterleavingDr。Bransby’s,IcasuallylearnedthatmynamesakewasbornonthenineteenthofJanuary,1813andthisisasomewhatremarkablecoincidence;forthedayispreciselythatofmyownnativity。
ItmayseemstrangethatinspiteofthecontinualanxietyoccasionedmebytherivalryofWilson,andhisintolerablespiritofcontradiction,Icouldnotbringmyselftohatehimaltogether。Wehad,tobesure,nearlyeverydayaquarrelinwhich,yieldingmepubliclythepalmofvictory,he,insomemanner,contrivedtomakemefeelthatitwashewhohaddeservedit;yetasenseofprideonmypart,andaveritabledignityonhisown,keptusalwaysuponwhatarecalled“speakingterms。”whilethereweremanypointsofstrongcongenialityinourtempers,operatingtoawakemeinasentimentwhichourpositionalone,perhaps,preventedfromripeningintofriendship。Itisdifficult,indeed,todefine,oreventodescribe,myrealfeelingstowardshim。Theyformedamotleyandheterogeneousadmixture;somepetulantanimosity,whichwasnotyethatred,someesteem,morerespect,muchfear,withaworldofuneasycuriosity。Tothemoralistitwillbeunnecessarytosay,inaddition,thatWilsonandmyselfwerethemostinseparableofcompanions。
Itwasnodoubttheanomalousstateofaffairsexistingbetweenus,whichturnedallmyattacksuponhim,andtheyweremany,eitheropenorcovertintothechannelofbanterorpracticaljokegivingpainwhileassumingtheaspectofmerefunratherthanintoamoreseriousanddeterminedhostility。Butmyendeavoursonthisheadwerebynomeansuniformlysuccessful,evenwhenmyplanswerethemostwittilyconcocted;formynamesakehadmuchabouthim,incharacter,ofthatunassumingandquietausteritywhich,whileenjoyingthepoignancyofitsownjokes,hasnoheelofAchillesinitself,andabsolutelyrefusestobelaughedat。Icouldfind,indeed,butonevulnerablepoint,andthat,lyinginapersonalpeculiarity,arising,perhaps,fromconstitutionaldisease,wouldhavebeensparedbyanyantagonistlessathiswit’sendthanmyself;myrivalhadaweaknessinthefaucalorgutturalorgans,whichprecludedhimfromraisinghisvoiceatanytimeaboveaverylowwhisper。OfthisdefectIdidnotfalltotakewhatpooradvantagelayinmypower。
Wilson’sretaliationsinkindweremany;andtherewasoneformofhispracticalwitthatdisturbedmebeyondmeasure。Howhissagacityfirstdiscoveredatallthatsopettyathingwouldvexme,isaquestionInevercouldsolve;but,havingdiscovered,hehabituallypractisedtheannoyance。Ihadalwaysfeltaversiontomyuncourtlypatronymic,anditsverycommon,ifnotplebeianpraenomen。Thewordswerevenominmyears;andwhen,uponthedayofmyarrival,asecondWilliamWilsoncamealsototheacademy,Ifeltangrywithhimforbearingthename,anddoublydisgustedwiththenamebecauseastrangerboreit,whowouldbethecauseofitstwofoldrepetition,whowouldbeconstantlyinmypresence,andwhoseconcerns,intheordinaryroutineoftheschoolbusiness,mustinevitably,onaccountofthedetestablecoincidence,beoftenconfoundedwithmyown。
Thefeelingofvexationthusengenderedgrewstrongerwitheverycircumstancetendingtoshowresemblance,moralorphysical,betweenmyrivalandmyself。Ihadnotthendiscoveredtheremarkablefactthatwewereofthesameage;butIsawthatwewereofthesameheight,andIperceivedthatwewereevensingularlyalikeingeneralcontourofpersonandoutlineoffeature。Iwasgalled,too,bytherumortouchingarelationship,whichhadgrowncurrentintheupperforms。Inaword,nothingcouldmoreseriouslydisturbme,althoughI
scrupulouslyconcealedsuchdisturbance,thananyallusiontoasimilarityofmind,person,orconditionexistingbetweenus。But,intruth,Ihadnoreasontobelievethatwiththeexceptionofthematterofrelationship,andinthecaseofWilsonhimself,thissimilarityhadeverbeenmadeasubjectofcomment,orevenobservedatallbyourschoolfellows。Thatheobserveditinallitsbearings,andasfixedlyasI,wasapparent;butthathecoulddiscoverinsuchcircumstancessofruitfulafieldofannoyance,canonlybeattributed,asIsaidbefore,tohismorethanordinarypenetration。
Hiscue,whichwastoperfectanimitationofmyself,laybothinwordsandinactions;andmostadmirablydidheplayhispart。Mydressitwasaneasymattertocopy;mygaitandgeneralmannerwere,withoutdifficulty,appropriated;inspiteofhisconstitutionaldefect,evenmyvoicedidnotescapehim。Myloudertoneswere,ofcourse,unattempted,butthenthekey,itwasidentical;andhissingularwhisper,itgrewtheveryechoofmyown。
Howgreatlythismostexquisiteportraitureharassedme,foritcouldnotjustlybetermedacaricature,Iwillnotnowventuretodescribe。Ihadbutoneconsolationinthefactthattheimitation,apparently,wasnoticedbymyselfalone,andthatIhadtoendureonlytheknowingandstrangelysarcasticsmilesofmynamesakehimself。Satisfiedwithhavingproducedinmybosomtheintendedeffect,heseemedtochuckleinsecretoverthestinghehadinflicted,andwascharacteristicallydisregardfulofthepublicapplausewhichthesuccessofhiswittyendeavoursmighthavesoeasilyelicited。Thattheschool,indeed,didnotfeelhisdesign,perceiveitsaccomplishment,andparticipateinhissneer,was,formanyanxiousmonths,ariddleIcouldnotresolve。Perhapsthegradationofhiscopyrendereditnotsoreadilyperceptible;or,morepossibly,Iowedmysecuritytothemasterairofthecopyist,who,disdainingtheletter,whichinapaintingisalltheobtusecansee,gavebutthefullspiritofhisoriginalformyindividualcontemplationandchagrin。