PreludeGeneralSummaryArmyHeadquartersStudyofanElevation，inIndianInkALegendoftheForeignOfficeTheStoryofUriahThePostthatFittedPublicWasteDelilahWhatHappenedPinkDominoesTheManWhoCouldWriteMunicipalACodeofMoralsTheLastDepartmentOTHERVERSES
　　RecessionalTheVampireTotheUnknownGoddessTheRupaiyatofOmarKal’vinLaNuitBlancheMyRivalTheLovers’LitanyABalladofBurialDividedDestiniesTheMasqueofPlentyTheMare’sNestPossibilitiesChristmasinIndiaPagett，MP。
　　TheSongoftheWomenABalladofJakkoHillThePleaoftheSimlaDancersBalladofFisher’sBoarding-House“AstheBellClinks“
　　AnOldSongCertainMaximsofHafizTheGraveoftheHundredHeadTheMoonofOtherDaysTheOverlandMailWhatthePeopleSaidTheUndertaker’sHorseTheFallofJockGillespieArithmeticontheFrontierOneViceroyResignsTheBetrothedATaleofTwoCitiesVOLUMEIIBALLADSANDBARRACK-ROOMBALLADS
　　BALLADS
　　TheBalladofEastandWestTheLastSutteeTheBalladoftheKing’sMercyTheBalladoftheKing’sJestTheBalladofBohDaThoneTheLamentoftheBorderCattleThiefTheRhymeoftheThreeCaptainsTheBalladofthe“Clampherdown“
　　TheBalladofthe“Bolivar“
　　TheEnglishFlagClearedAnImperialRescriptTomlinsonDannyDeeverTommyFuazy-WuzzvSoldier，SoldierScrew-GunsGungaDinOontsLoot“Snarleyow“
　　TheWidowatWindsorBeltsTheYoungBritishSoldierMandalayTroopin’
　　FordO’KabulRiverRoute-Marchin’
　　VOLUMEIIITHEPHANTOM’RICKSHAWANDOTHER
　　GHOSTSTORIES
　　ThePhantom’RickshawMyOwnTrueGhostStoryTheStrangeRideofMorrowbieJukesTheManWhoWouldBeKing“TheFinestStoryinTheWorld“
　　VOLUMEIVUNDERTHEDEODARS
　　TheEducationofOtisYeereAtthePit’sMouthAWaysideComedyTheHillofIllusionASecond-rateWomanOnlyaSubalternIntheMatterofaPrivateTheEnlightenmentsofPagettMP。
　　VOLUMEVPLAINTALESFROMTHEHILLS
　　LispethThreeAnd-anExtraThrownAwayMissVoughal’sSais“YokedWithanUnbeliever“
　　FalseDawnTheRescueofPlufflesCupid’sArrowsHisChanceinLifeWatchesofTheNightTheOtherManConsequencesTheConversionofAurellanMcGogginAGerm-destroyerKidnappedTheArrestofLieutenantGolightlyInTheHouseofSuddhooHisWeddedWifeTheBroken-linkHandicapBevondThePaleInErrorABankFraudTods’AmendmentInThePrideofHisYouthPigTheRoutofTheWhiteHussarsTheBronckhorstDivorce-caseVenusAnnodominiTheBisaraofPooreeAFriend’sFriendTheGateofTheHundredSorrowsTheStoryofMuhammadDinOnTheStrengthofaLikenessWressleyofTheForeignOfficeByWordofMouthToFeFiledForReferenceTheLastReliefBittersNeatHauntedSubalternsVOLUMEVITHELIGHTTHATFAILED
　　VOLUMEVIITHESTORYOFTHEGADSBYS
　　PrefacePoorDearMammaTheWorldWithoutTheTentsofKedarWithAnyAmazementTheGardenofEdenFatimaTheValleyoftheShadowTheSwellingofJordanVOLUMEVIIIfromMINEOWNPEOPLE
　　BimiNamgayDoolaTheRecrudescenceOfImrayMotiGuj-MutineerVOLUMEIDEPARTMENTALDITTIESANDOTHER
　　VERSES
　　Ihaveeatenyourbreadandsalt，Ihavedrunkyourwaterandwine，ThedeathsyediedIhavewatchedbe-side，Andthelivesthatyeledweremine。
　　WasthereaughtthatIdidnotshareInvigilortoilorease，-
　　OnejoyorwoethatIdidnotknow，Dearheartsacrosstheseas？
　　IhavewrittenthetaleofourlifeForashelteredpeople’smirth，Injestingguise-butyearewise，Andyeknowwhatthejestisworth。
　　GENERALSUMMARY
　　WEareveryslightlychangedFromthesemi-apeswhorangedIndia’sprehistoricclay；
　　Whosodrewthelongestbow，Ranhisbrotherdown，youknow，Aswerunmendownto-day。
　　“Dowb。”thefirstofallhisrace，MettheMammothfacetofaceOnthelakeorinthecave，Stolethesteadiestcanoe，Atethequarryothersslew，Died-andtookthefinestgrave。
　　Whentheyscratchedthereindeer-bone。
　　Someonemadethesketchhisown，Filcheditfromtheartist-then，Eveninthoseearlydays，WonasimpleViceroy’spraiseThroughthetoilofothermen。
　　EretheyhewedtheSphinx’svisageFavoritismgovernedkissage，Evenasitdoesinthisage。
　　WboshalldoubtthesecrethidUnderCheops’pyramidWasthatthecontractordidCheopsoutofseveralmillions？
　　OrthatJoseph’ssuddenriseToComptrollerofSuppliesWasafraudofmonstroussizeOnKingPharoab’sswartCivilians？
　　Thus，theartlesssongsIsingDonotdealwithanythingNeworneversaidbefore。
　　Asitwasinthebeginning，Isto-dayofficialsinning，Andshallbeforevermore。
　　ARMYHEADQUARTERS
　　OldisthesongthatIsing-
　　Oldasmyunpaidbills-
　　OldasthechickenthatkitmutgarsbringMenatdik-bungalows-oldastheHills。
　　AHASUERUSJENKINSofthe“OperaticOwn“
　　Wasdoweredwithatenorvoiceofsuper-Santleytone。
　　Hisviewsonequitationwere，perhaps，atriflequeer；
　　Hehadnoseatworthmentioning，butoh！hehadanear。
　　Heclubbedhiswretchedcompanyadozentimesaday，Heusedtoquithischargerinaparabolicway，Hismethodofsalutingwasthejoyofallbeholders，ButAhasuerusJenkinshadaheaduponhisshoulders。
　　HetooktwomonthstoSimlawhentheyearwasatthespring，Andunderneaththedeodarseternallydidsing。
　　Hewarbledlikeabulbul，butparticularlyatCorneliaAgrippinawhowasmusicalandfat。
　　Shecontrolledahumblehusband，who，inturn，controlledaDept。，WhereCorneliaAgrippina’shumansinging-birdswerekeptFromApriltoOctoberonaplumpretainingfee，Supplied，ofcourse，permensem，bytheIndianTreasury。
　　Comeliausedtosingwithhim，andJenkinsusedtoplay；
　　Hepraisedunblushinglyhernotes，forhewasfalseasthey：
　　SowhenthewindsofAprilturnedthebuddingrosesbrown，Corneliatoldherhusband：’Tom，youmustn’tsendhimdown。”
　　Theyhaledhimfromhisregimentwhichdidn’tmuchregrethim；
　　Theyfoundforhimanoffice-stool，andonthatstooltheysethim，Toplaywithmapsandcataloguesthreeidlehoursaday，Anddrawhisplumpretainingfee-whichmeanshisdoublepay。
　　Now，everafterdinner，whenthecoffeecupsarebrought，Ahasueruswailetho’erthegrandpianoforte；
　　And，thankstofairCornelia，hisfamehathwaxengreat，AndAhasuerusJenkinsisapowerintheState。
　　STUDYOFANELEVATION，ININDIANINK
　　Thisdittyisastringoflies。
　　But-howthedeucedidGubbinsrise？
　　POTIPHARGUBBINS，CE。，Standsatthetopofthetree；
　　AndImuseinmybedonthereasonsthatledTothehoistingofPotipharG。
　　PotipharGubbins，CE。，IssevenyearsjuniortoMe；
　　Eachbridgethathemakesheeitherbucklesorbreaks，Andhisworkisasroughashe。
　　PotipharGubbins，CE。，Iscoarseasachimpanzee；
　　AndIcan’tunderstandwhyyougavehimyourhand，LovelyMehitabelLee。
　　PotipharGubbins，CE。，IsdeartothePowersthatBe；
　　ForTheybowandTheysmileinanaffablestyleWhichisseldomaccordedtoMe。
　　PotipharGubbins，CE。，IscertainascertaincanbeOfahighly-paidpostwhichisclaimedbyahostOfseniors-includingMe。
　　Carelessandlazyishe，GreatlyinferiortoMe。
　　Whatisthespellthatyoumanagesowell，CommonplacePotipharG。？
　　LovelyMehitabelLee。
　　Letmeinquireofthee，ShouldIhaveriztowhatPotipharis，Hadstthoubeenmatedtome？
　　ALegendThisisthereasonwhyRustumBeg，RajahofKolazai，Drinkeththe“simpkin“andbrandypeg，Makeththemoneytofly，VexethaGovernment，tenderandkind，Also-butthisisadetail-blind。
　　RUSTUMBEGofKolazai-slightlyback-wardnativestateLustedforaCSI。，-sobegantosanitate。
　　BuiltaJailandHospital-nearlybuiltaCitydrain-
　　TillhisfaithfulsubjectsallthoughttheirRulerwasinsane。
　　Strangedeparturesmadehethen-yea，Departmentsstrangerstill，HalfadozenEnglishmenhelpedtheRajahwithawill，Talkedofnobleaimsandhigh，hintedofafuturefineForthestateofKolazai，onastrictlyWesternline。
　　RajabRustumheldhispeace；
　　loweredoctroiduesahalf；
　　OrganizedaStatePolice；purifiedtheCivilStaff；
　　Settledcessandtaxafreshinaveryliberalway；
　　Cuttemptationsoftheflesh-alsocuttheBukhshi’spay；
　　RousedhisSecretariattoafineMahrattafury，ByaHookumhintingatsupervisionofdasturi；
　　TurnedtheStateofKolazaiverynearlyupside-down；
　　WhentheendofMaywasnigh，waitedhisachievementcrown。
　　WhentheBirthdayHonorscame。
　　Sadtostateandsadtosee，StoodagainsttheRajah’snamenothingmorethan
　　ThingswerelivelyforaweekintheStateofKolazai。
　　Evennowthepeoplespeakofthattimeregretfully。
　　HowhedisendowedtheJail-stoppedatoncetheCitydrain；
　　Turnedtobeautyfairandfrail-gothissensesbackagain；
　　Doubledtaxes，cesses，all；clearedawayeachnew-builtthana；
　　Turnedthetwo-lakhHospitalintoasuperbZenana；
　　HeapedupontheBukhshiSahibwealthandhonorsmanifold；
　　CladhimselfinEasterngarb-squeezedhispeopleasofold。
　　Happy，happyKolazai！NevermorewillRustumBegPlaytocatchtheViceroy’seyeHeprefersthe“simpkin“peg。
　　THESTORYOFURIAH
　　“Nowthereweretwomeninonecity；
　　theonerichandtheotherpoor。”
　　JACKBARRETTwenttoQuettaBecausetheytoldhimto。
　　HelefthiswifeatSimlaOnthree-fourthshismonthlyscrew：
　　JackBarrettdiedatQuettaErethenextmonth’spayhedrew。
　　JackBarrettwenttoQuetta。
　　Hedidn’tunderstandreasonofhistransferFromthepleasantmountain-land：
　　TheseasonwasSeptember，Anditkilledhimoutofhand。
　　JackBarrettwenttoQuetta，Andtheregaveuptheghost，Attemptingtwomen’sdutyInthatveryhealthypost；
　　AndMrsBarrettmournedforhimFivelivelymonthsatmost。
　　JackBarrett’sbonesatQuettaEnjoyprofoundrepose；
　　ButIshouldn’tbeastonishedIfnowhisspiritknowsThereasonofhistransferFromtheHimalayansnows。
　　And，whentheLastGreatBugleCallAdowntheHurnalthrobs，WhenthelastgrimjokeisenteredInthebigblackBookofJobs，AndQuettagraveyardsgiveagainTheirvictimstotheair，Ishouldn’tliketobethemanWhosentJackBarrettthere。
　　THEPOSTTHATFITTED
　　ThoughtangledandtwistedthecourseoftrueloveThisdittyexplains，Notangle’ssotangleditcannotimproveIftheLoverhasbrains。
　　EretheseamerborehimEastward，SlearywasengagedtomarryAnattractivegirlatTunbridge，whomhecalled“mylittleCarrie。”
　　Sleary’spaywasverymodest；Slearywastheotherway。
　　Whocancookatwo-platedinneroneightpoorrupeesaday？
　　Longheponderedo’erthequestioninhisscantlyfurnishedquarters——
　　ThenproposedtoMinnieBoffkin，eldestofJudgeBoffkin’sdaughters。
　　CertainlyanimpecuniousSubalternwasnotacatch，ButtheBoffkinsknewthatMinniemightn’tmakeanothermatch。
　　Sotheyrecognisedthebusinessand，tofeedandclothethebride，GothimmadeaSomethingSomethingsomewhereontheBombayside。
　　Anyhow，thebilletcarriedpayenoughforhimtomarry——
　　AstheartlessSlearyputit：——“JustthethingformeandCarrie。”
　　Didhe，therefore，jiltMissBoffkin——impulseofabasermind？
　　No！Hestartedepilepticfitsofanappallingkind。
　　[OfhismodusoperandionlythismuchIcouldgather：——
　　“Pears’sshavingstickswillgiveyoulittletasteandlotsoflather。”]
　　FrequentlyinpublicplaceshisafflictionusedtosmiteSlearywithdistressingvigour——alwaysintheBoffkins’sight。
　　EreaweekwasoverMinnieweepinglyreturnedhisring，Toldhimhis“unhappyweakness“stoppedallthoughtofmarrying。
　　Slearyboretheinformationwithachastenedholyjoy，——
　　Epilepticfitsdon’tmatterinPoliticalemploy，——
　　WiredthreeshortwordstoCarrie——tookhisticket，packedhiskit——
　　BadefarewelltoMinnieBoffkininonelast，long，lingeringfit。
　　Fourweekslater，CarrieSlearyread——andlaugheduntilshewept——
　　MrsBoffkin’swarningletteronthe“wretchedepilept。”。
　　Yearbyyear，inpiouspatience，vengefulMrsBoffkinsitsWaitingfortheSlearybabiestodevelopSleary’sfits。
　　PUBLICWASTE
　　Walpoletalksof“amanandhisprice。”
　　Listtoadittyqueer——
　　ThesaleofaDeputy-Acting-Vice-