PreludeGeneralSummaryArmyHeadquartersStudyofanElevation,inIndianInkALegendoftheForeignOfficeTheStoryofUriahThePostthatFittedPublicWasteDelilahWhatHappenedPinkDominoesTheManWhoCouldWriteMunicipalACodeofMoralsTheLastDepartmentOTHERVERSES
  RecessionalTheVampireTotheUnknownGoddessTheRupaiyatofOmarKal’vinLaNuitBlancheMyRivalTheLovers’LitanyABalladofBurialDividedDestiniesTheMasqueofPlentyTheMare’sNestPossibilitiesChristmasinIndiaPagett,MP。
  TheSongoftheWomenABalladofJakkoHillThePleaoftheSimlaDancersBalladofFisher’sBoarding-House“AstheBellClinks“
  AnOldSongCertainMaximsofHafizTheGraveoftheHundredHeadTheMoonofOtherDaysTheOverlandMailWhatthePeopleSaidTheUndertaker’sHorseTheFallofJockGillespieArithmeticontheFrontierOneViceroyResignsTheBetrothedATaleofTwoCitiesVOLUMEIIBALLADSANDBARRACK-ROOMBALLADS
  BALLADS
  TheBalladofEastandWestTheLastSutteeTheBalladoftheKing’sMercyTheBalladoftheKing’sJestTheBalladofBohDaThoneTheLamentoftheBorderCattleThiefTheRhymeoftheThreeCaptainsTheBalladofthe“Clampherdown“
  TheBalladofthe“Bolivar“
  TheEnglishFlagClearedAnImperialRescriptTomlinsonDannyDeeverTommyFuazy-WuzzvSoldier,SoldierScrew-GunsGungaDinOontsLoot“Snarleyow“
  TheWidowatWindsorBeltsTheYoungBritishSoldierMandalayTroopin’
  FordO’KabulRiverRoute-Marchin’
  VOLUMEIIITHEPHANTOM’RICKSHAWANDOTHER
  GHOSTSTORIES
  ThePhantom’RickshawMyOwnTrueGhostStoryTheStrangeRideofMorrowbieJukesTheManWhoWouldBeKing“TheFinestStoryinTheWorld“
  VOLUMEIVUNDERTHEDEODARS
  TheEducationofOtisYeereAtthePit’sMouthAWaysideComedyTheHillofIllusionASecond-rateWomanOnlyaSubalternIntheMatterofaPrivateTheEnlightenmentsofPagettMP。
  VOLUMEVPLAINTALESFROMTHEHILLS
  LispethThreeAnd-anExtraThrownAwayMissVoughal’sSais“YokedWithanUnbeliever“
  FalseDawnTheRescueofPlufflesCupid’sArrowsHisChanceinLifeWatchesofTheNightTheOtherManConsequencesTheConversionofAurellanMcGogginAGerm-destroyerKidnappedTheArrestofLieutenantGolightlyInTheHouseofSuddhooHisWeddedWifeTheBroken-linkHandicapBevondThePaleInErrorABankFraudTods’AmendmentInThePrideofHisYouthPigTheRoutofTheWhiteHussarsTheBronckhorstDivorce-caseVenusAnnodominiTheBisaraofPooreeAFriend’sFriendTheGateofTheHundredSorrowsTheStoryofMuhammadDinOnTheStrengthofaLikenessWressleyofTheForeignOfficeByWordofMouthToFeFiledForReferenceTheLastReliefBittersNeatHauntedSubalternsVOLUMEVITHELIGHTTHATFAILED
  VOLUMEVIITHESTORYOFTHEGADSBYS
  PrefacePoorDearMammaTheWorldWithoutTheTentsofKedarWithAnyAmazementTheGardenofEdenFatimaTheValleyoftheShadowTheSwellingofJordanVOLUMEVIIIfromMINEOWNPEOPLE
  BimiNamgayDoolaTheRecrudescenceOfImrayMotiGuj-MutineerVOLUMEIDEPARTMENTALDITTIESANDOTHER
  VERSES
  Ihaveeatenyourbreadandsalt,Ihavedrunkyourwaterandwine,ThedeathsyediedIhavewatchedbe-side,Andthelivesthatyeledweremine。
  WasthereaughtthatIdidnotshareInvigilortoilorease,-
  OnejoyorwoethatIdidnotknow,Dearheartsacrosstheseas?
  IhavewrittenthetaleofourlifeForashelteredpeople’smirth,Injestingguise-butyearewise,Andyeknowwhatthejestisworth。
  GENERALSUMMARY
  WEareveryslightlychangedFromthesemi-apeswhorangedIndia’sprehistoricclay;
  Whosodrewthelongestbow,Ranhisbrotherdown,youknow,Aswerunmendownto-day。
  “Dowb。”thefirstofallhisrace,MettheMammothfacetofaceOnthelakeorinthecave,Stolethesteadiestcanoe,Atethequarryothersslew,Died-andtookthefinestgrave。
  Whentheyscratchedthereindeer-bone。
  Someonemadethesketchhisown,Filcheditfromtheartist-then,Eveninthoseearlydays,WonasimpleViceroy’spraiseThroughthetoilofothermen。
  EretheyhewedtheSphinx’svisageFavoritismgovernedkissage,Evenasitdoesinthisage。
  WboshalldoubtthesecrethidUnderCheops’pyramidWasthatthecontractordidCheopsoutofseveralmillions?
  OrthatJoseph’ssuddenriseToComptrollerofSuppliesWasafraudofmonstroussizeOnKingPharoab’sswartCivilians?
  Thus,theartlesssongsIsingDonotdealwithanythingNeworneversaidbefore。
  Asitwasinthebeginning,Isto-dayofficialsinning,Andshallbeforevermore。
  ARMYHEADQUARTERS
  OldisthesongthatIsing-
  Oldasmyunpaidbills-
  OldasthechickenthatkitmutgarsbringMenatdik-bungalows-oldastheHills。
  AHASUERUSJENKINSofthe“OperaticOwn“
  Wasdoweredwithatenorvoiceofsuper-Santleytone。
  Hisviewsonequitationwere,perhaps,atriflequeer;
  Hehadnoseatworthmentioning,butoh!hehadanear。
  Heclubbedhiswretchedcompanyadozentimesaday,Heusedtoquithischargerinaparabolicway,Hismethodofsalutingwasthejoyofallbeholders,ButAhasuerusJenkinshadaheaduponhisshoulders。
  HetooktwomonthstoSimlawhentheyearwasatthespring,Andunderneaththedeodarseternallydidsing。
  Hewarbledlikeabulbul,butparticularlyatCorneliaAgrippinawhowasmusicalandfat。
  Shecontrolledahumblehusband,who,inturn,controlledaDept。,WhereCorneliaAgrippina’shumansinging-birdswerekeptFromApriltoOctoberonaplumpretainingfee,Supplied,ofcourse,permensem,bytheIndianTreasury。
  Comeliausedtosingwithhim,andJenkinsusedtoplay;
  Hepraisedunblushinglyhernotes,forhewasfalseasthey:
  SowhenthewindsofAprilturnedthebuddingrosesbrown,Corneliatoldherhusband:’Tom,youmustn’tsendhimdown。”
  Theyhaledhimfromhisregimentwhichdidn’tmuchregrethim;
  Theyfoundforhimanoffice-stool,andonthatstooltheysethim,Toplaywithmapsandcataloguesthreeidlehoursaday,Anddrawhisplumpretainingfee-whichmeanshisdoublepay。
  Now,everafterdinner,whenthecoffeecupsarebrought,Ahasueruswailetho’erthegrandpianoforte;
  And,thankstofairCornelia,hisfamehathwaxengreat,AndAhasuerusJenkinsisapowerintheState。
  STUDYOFANELEVATION,ININDIANINK
  Thisdittyisastringoflies。
  But-howthedeucedidGubbinsrise?
  POTIPHARGUBBINS,CE。,Standsatthetopofthetree;
  AndImuseinmybedonthereasonsthatledTothehoistingofPotipharG。
  PotipharGubbins,CE。,IssevenyearsjuniortoMe;
  Eachbridgethathemakesheeitherbucklesorbreaks,Andhisworkisasroughashe。
  PotipharGubbins,CE。,Iscoarseasachimpanzee;
  AndIcan’tunderstandwhyyougavehimyourhand,LovelyMehitabelLee。
  PotipharGubbins,CE。,IsdeartothePowersthatBe;
  ForTheybowandTheysmileinanaffablestyleWhichisseldomaccordedtoMe。
  PotipharGubbins,CE。,IscertainascertaincanbeOfahighly-paidpostwhichisclaimedbyahostOfseniors-includingMe。
  Carelessandlazyishe,GreatlyinferiortoMe。
  Whatisthespellthatyoumanagesowell,CommonplacePotipharG。?
  LovelyMehitabelLee。
  Letmeinquireofthee,ShouldIhaveriztowhatPotipharis,Hadstthoubeenmatedtome?
  ALegendThisisthereasonwhyRustumBeg,RajahofKolazai,Drinkeththe“simpkin“andbrandypeg,Makeththemoneytofly,VexethaGovernment,tenderandkind,Also-butthisisadetail-blind。
  RUSTUMBEGofKolazai-slightlyback-wardnativestateLustedforaCSI。,-sobegantosanitate。
  BuiltaJailandHospital-nearlybuiltaCitydrain-
  TillhisfaithfulsubjectsallthoughttheirRulerwasinsane。
  Strangedeparturesmadehethen-yea,Departmentsstrangerstill,HalfadozenEnglishmenhelpedtheRajahwithawill,Talkedofnobleaimsandhigh,hintedofafuturefineForthestateofKolazai,onastrictlyWesternline。
  RajabRustumheldhispeace;
  loweredoctroiduesahalf;
  OrganizedaStatePolice;purifiedtheCivilStaff;
  Settledcessandtaxafreshinaveryliberalway;
  Cuttemptationsoftheflesh-alsocuttheBukhshi’spay;
  RousedhisSecretariattoafineMahrattafury,ByaHookumhintingatsupervisionofdasturi;
  TurnedtheStateofKolazaiverynearlyupside-down;
  WhentheendofMaywasnigh,waitedhisachievementcrown。
  WhentheBirthdayHonorscame。
  Sadtostateandsadtosee,StoodagainsttheRajah’snamenothingmorethan
  ThingswerelivelyforaweekintheStateofKolazai。
  Evennowthepeoplespeakofthattimeregretfully。
  HowhedisendowedtheJail-stoppedatoncetheCitydrain;
  Turnedtobeautyfairandfrail-gothissensesbackagain;
  Doubledtaxes,cesses,all;clearedawayeachnew-builtthana;
  Turnedthetwo-lakhHospitalintoasuperbZenana;
  HeapedupontheBukhshiSahibwealthandhonorsmanifold;
  CladhimselfinEasterngarb-squeezedhispeopleasofold。
  Happy,happyKolazai!NevermorewillRustumBegPlaytocatchtheViceroy’seyeHeprefersthe“simpkin“peg。
  THESTORYOFURIAH
  “Nowthereweretwomeninonecity;
  theonerichandtheotherpoor。”
  JACKBARRETTwenttoQuettaBecausetheytoldhimto。
  HelefthiswifeatSimlaOnthree-fourthshismonthlyscrew:
  JackBarrettdiedatQuettaErethenextmonth’spayhedrew。
  JackBarrettwenttoQuetta。
  Hedidn’tunderstandreasonofhistransferFromthepleasantmountain-land:
  TheseasonwasSeptember,Anditkilledhimoutofhand。
  JackBarrettwenttoQuetta,Andtheregaveuptheghost,Attemptingtwomen’sdutyInthatveryhealthypost;
  AndMrsBarrettmournedforhimFivelivelymonthsatmost。
  JackBarrett’sbonesatQuettaEnjoyprofoundrepose;
  ButIshouldn’tbeastonishedIfnowhisspiritknowsThereasonofhistransferFromtheHimalayansnows。
  And,whentheLastGreatBugleCallAdowntheHurnalthrobs,WhenthelastgrimjokeisenteredInthebigblackBookofJobs,AndQuettagraveyardsgiveagainTheirvictimstotheair,Ishouldn’tliketobethemanWhosentJackBarrettthere。
  THEPOSTTHATFITTED
  ThoughtangledandtwistedthecourseoftrueloveThisdittyexplains,Notangle’ssotangleditcannotimproveIftheLoverhasbrains。
  EretheseamerborehimEastward,SlearywasengagedtomarryAnattractivegirlatTunbridge,whomhecalled“mylittleCarrie。”
  Sleary’spaywasverymodest;Slearywastheotherway。
  Whocancookatwo-platedinneroneightpoorrupeesaday?
  Longheponderedo’erthequestioninhisscantlyfurnishedquarters——
  ThenproposedtoMinnieBoffkin,eldestofJudgeBoffkin’sdaughters。
  CertainlyanimpecuniousSubalternwasnotacatch,ButtheBoffkinsknewthatMinniemightn’tmakeanothermatch。
  Sotheyrecognisedthebusinessand,tofeedandclothethebride,GothimmadeaSomethingSomethingsomewhereontheBombayside。
  Anyhow,thebilletcarriedpayenoughforhimtomarry——
  AstheartlessSlearyputit:——“JustthethingformeandCarrie。”
  Didhe,therefore,jiltMissBoffkin——impulseofabasermind?
  No!Hestartedepilepticfitsofanappallingkind。
  [OfhismodusoperandionlythismuchIcouldgather:——
  “Pears’sshavingstickswillgiveyoulittletasteandlotsoflather。”]
  FrequentlyinpublicplaceshisafflictionusedtosmiteSlearywithdistressingvigour——alwaysintheBoffkins’sight。
  EreaweekwasoverMinnieweepinglyreturnedhisring,Toldhimhis“unhappyweakness“stoppedallthoughtofmarrying。
  Slearyboretheinformationwithachastenedholyjoy,——
  Epilepticfitsdon’tmatterinPoliticalemploy,——
  WiredthreeshortwordstoCarrie——tookhisticket,packedhiskit——
  BadefarewelltoMinnieBoffkininonelast,long,lingeringfit。
  Fourweekslater,CarrieSlearyread——andlaugheduntilshewept——
  MrsBoffkin’swarningletteronthe“wretchedepilept。”。
  Yearbyyear,inpiouspatience,vengefulMrsBoffkinsitsWaitingfortheSlearybabiestodevelopSleary’sfits。
  PUBLICWASTE
  Walpoletalksof“amanandhisprice。”
  Listtoadittyqueer——
  ThesaleofaDeputy-Acting-Vice-