Thenwebroughtthelancesdown，thenthebuglesblew，WhenwewenttoKandahar，ridin’twoan’two，Ridin’，ridin’，ridin’，twoan’two，Ta-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra，AllthewaytoKandahar，ridin’twoan’two——
　　Barrack-RoomBallad。
　　’I’MNOTangrywiththeBritishpublic，butIwishwehadafewthousandofthemscatteredamongtheserooksTheywouldn’tbeinsuchahurrytogetattheirmorningpapersthenCan’tyouimaginetheregulationhouseholder——LoverofJustice，ConstantReader，Paterfamilias，andallthatlot——frizzlingonhotgravel？’
　　’Withablueveiloverhishead，andhisclothesinstripsHasanymanhereaneedle？I’vegotapieceofsugar-sack。’
　　’I’lllendyouapacking-needleforsixsquareinchesofitthenBothmykneesarewornthrough。’
　　’Whynotsixsquareacres，whileyou’reaboutit？Butlendmetheneedle，andI’llseewhatIcandowiththeselvageIdon’tthinkthere’senoughtoprotectmyroyalbodyfromthecoldblastasitisWhatareyoudoingwiththateverlastingsketch-bookofyours，Dick？’
　　’StudyofourSpecialCorrespondentrepairinghiswardrobe，’saidDick，gravely，astheothermankickedoffapairofsorelywornriding-breechesandbegantofitasquareofcoarsecanvasoverthemostobviousopenspaceHegrunteddisconsolatelyasthevastnessofthevoiddevelopeditself。
　　’Sugar-bags，indeed！Hi！youpilotmanthere！lendmeallthesailsforthatwhale-boat。’
　　Afez-crownedheadbobbedupinthestern-sheets，divideditselfintoexacthalveswithoneflashinggrin，andbobbeddownagainThemanofthetatteredbreeches，cladonlyinaNorfolkjacketandagrayflannelshirt，wentonwithhisclumsysewing，whileDickchuckledoverthesketch。
　　Sometwentywhale-boatswerenuzzlingasand-bankwhichwasdottedwithEnglishsoldieryofhalfadozencorps，bathingorwashingtheirclothesAheapofboat-rollers，commissariat-boxes，sugar-bags，andflour-andsmall-arm-ammunition-casesshowedwhereoneofthewhale-boatshadbeencompelledtounloadhastily；andaregimentalcarpenterwasswearingaloudashetried，onawhollyinsufficientallowanceofwhitelead，toplasterupthesun-parchedgapingseamsoftheboatherself。
　　’Firstthebloomin’ruddersnaps，’saidhetotheworldingeneral；
　　’thenthemastgoes；an’then，s’’helpme，whenshecan’tdonothin’else，sheopens’erselfoutlikeacock-eyesChineselotus。’
　　’Exactlythecasewithmybreeches，whoeveryouare，’saidthetailor，withoutlookingup’Dick，IwonderwhenIshallseeadecentshopagain。’
　　Therewasnoanswer，savetheincessantangrymurmuroftheNileasitracedroundabasalt-walledbendandfoamedacrossarock-ridgehalfamileupstreamItwasasthoughthebrownweightoftheriverwoulddrivethewhitemenbacktotheirowncountryTheindescribablescentofNilemudintheairtoldthatthestreamwasfallingandthenextfewmileswouldbenolightthingforthewhale-boatstooverpassThedesertrandownalmosttothebanks，where，amonggray，red，andblackhillocks，acamel-corpswasencampedNomandaredevenforadaylosetouchoftheslow-movingboats；therehadbeennofightingforweekspast，andthroughoutallthattimetheNilehadneversparedthem。
　　Rapidhadfollowedrapid，rockrock，andisland-groupisland-group，tilltherankandfilehadlongsincelostallcountofdirectionandverynearlyoftimeTheyweremovingsomewhere，theydidnotknowwhy，todosomething，theydidnotknowwhatBeforethemlaytheNile，andattheotherendofitwasoneGordon，fightingforthedearlife，inatowncalledKhartoumTherewerecolumnsofBritishtroopsinthedesert，orinoneofthemanydeserts；therewereyetmorecolumnswaitingtoembarkontheriver；therewerefreshdraftswaitingatAssiootandAssuan；
　　therewereliesandrumoursrunningoverthefaceofthehopelesslandfromSuakintotheSixthCataract，andmensupposedgenerallythattheremustbesomeoneinauthoritytodirectthegeneralschemeofthemanymovementsThedutyofthatparticularriver-columnwastokeepthewhale-boatsafloatinthewater，toavoidtramplingonthevillagers’
　　cropswhenthegangs’tracked’theboatswithlinesthrownfrommidstream，togetasmuchsleepandfoodaswaspossible，and，aboveall，topressonwithoutdelayintheteethofthechurningNile。
　　Withthesoldierssweatedandtoiledthecorrespondentsofthenewspapers，andtheywerealmostasignorantastheircompanions。
　　ButitwasaboveallthingsnecessarythatEnglandatbreakfastshouldbeamusedandthrilledandinterested，whetherGordonlivedordied，orhalftheBritisharmywenttopiecesinthesandsTheSoudancampaignwasapicturesqueone，andlentitselftovividword-paintingNowandagaina’Special’managedtogetslain，——whichwasnotaltogetheradisadvantagetothepaperthatemployedhim，——andmoreoftenthehand-to-handnatureofthefightingallowedofmiraculousescapeswhichwereworthtelegraphinghomeateighteenpencethewordThereweremanycorrespondentswithmanycorpsandcolumns，——fromtheveteranswhohadfollowedontheheelsofthecavalrythatoccupiedCairoin’82，whattimeArabiPashacalledhimselfking，whohadseenthefirstmiserableworkroundSuakinwhenthesentrieswerecutupnightlyandthescrubswarmedwithspears，toyoungstersjerkedintothebusinessattheendofatelegraph-wiretotaketheplacesoftheirbetterskilledorinvalided。
　　Amongtheseniors——thosewhokneweveryshiftandchangeintheperplexingpostalarrangements，thevalueoftheseediest，weediestEgyptiangarronofferedforsaleinCairoorAlexandria，whocouldtalkatelegraph-clerkintoamiabilityandsoothetheruffledvanityofanewlyappointedstaff-officerwhenpressregulationsbecameburdensome——wasthemanintheflannelshirt，theblack-browedTorpenhowHerepresentedtheCentralSouthernSyndicateinthecampaign，ashehadrepresenteditintheEgyptianwar，andelsewhereThesyndicatedidnotconcernitselfgreatlywithcriticismsofattackandthelikeItsuppliedthemasses，andallitdemandedwaspicturesquenessandabundanceofdetail；forthereismorejoyinEnglandoverasoldierwhoinsubordinatelystepsoutofsquaretorescueacomradethanovertwentygeneralsslavingeventobaldnessatthegrossdetailsoftransportandcommissariat。
　　HehadmetatSuakinayoungman，sittingontheedgeofarecentlyabandonedredoubtaboutthesizeofahat-box，sketchingaclumpofshell-tornbodiesonthegravelplain。
　　’Whatareyoufor？’saidTorpenhowThegreetingofthecorrespondentisthatofthecommercialtravellerontheroad。
　　’Myownhand，’saidtheyoungman，withoutlookingup’Haveyouanytobacco？’
　　Torpenhowwaitedtillthesketchwasfinished，andwhenhehadlookedatitsaid，’What’syourbusinesshere？’
　　’Nothing；therewasarow，soIcameI’msupposedtobedoingsomethingdownatthepainting-slipsamongtheboats，orelseI’minchargeofthecondenserononeofthewater-shipsI’veforgottenwhich。’
　　’You’vecheekenoughtobuildaredoubtwith，’saidTorpenhow，andtookstockofthenewacquaintance’Doyoualwaysdrawlikethat？’
　　Theyoungmanproducedmoresketches’RowonaChinesepig-boat，’
　　saidhe，sententiously，showingthemoneafteranother——’Chiefmatedirkedbyacomprador——JunkashoreoffHakodate——Somalimuleteerbeingflogged——Star-shelledburstingovercampatBerbera——Slave-dhowbeingchasedroundTajurrahBah——SoldierlyingdeadinthemoonlightoutsideSuakin——throatcutbyFuzzies。’
　　’H’m！’saidTorpenhow，’can’tsayIcareforVerestchagin-and-watermyself，butthere’snoaccountingfortastesDoinganythingnow，areyou？’
　　’NoI’mamusingmyselfhere。’
　　Torpenhowlookedatthesketchesagain，andnodded’Yes，you’rerighttotakeyourfirstchancewhenyoucangetit。’
　　HerodeawayswiftlythroughtheGateoftheTwoWar-Ships，rattledacrossthecausewayintothetown，andwiredtohissyndicate，’Gotmanhere，picture-workGoodandcheapShallIarrange？Willdoletterpresswithsketches。’
　　Themanontheredoubtsatswinginghislegsandmurmuring，’I
　　knewthechancewouldcome，soonerorlaterByGad，they’llhavetosweatforitifIcomethroughthisbusinessalive！’
　　IntheeveningTorpenhowwasabletoannouncetohisfriendthattheCentralSouthernAgencywaswillingtotakehimontrial，payingexpensesforthreemonths’And，bytheway，what’syourname？’
　　saidTorpenhow。
　　’HeldarDotheygivemeafreehand？’
　　’They’vetakenyouonchanceYoumustjustifythechoiceYou’dbettersticktomeI’mgoingup-countrywithacolumn，andI’lldowhatI
　　canforyouGivemesomeofyoursketchestakenhere，andI’llsend’emalong。’Tohimselfhesaid，’That’sthebestbargaintheCentralsouthernhasevermade；andtheygotmecheaplyenough。’
　　Soitcametopassthat，aftersomepurchaseofhorse-fleshandarrangementsfinancialandpolitical，DickwasmadefreeoftheNewandHonourableFraternityofwarcorrespondents，whoallpossesstheinalienablerightofdoingasmuchworkastheycanandgettingasmuchforitasProvidenceandtheirownersshallpleaseTothesethingsareaddedintime，ifthebrotherbeworthy，thepowerofglibspeechthatneithermannorwomancanresistwhenamealorabedisinquestion，theeyeofahorse-cope，theskillofacook，theconstitutionofabullock，thedigestionofanostrich，andaninfiniteadaptabilitytoallcircumstancesButmanydiebeforetheyattaintothisdegree，andthepast-mastersinthecraftappearforthemostpartindress-clotheswhentheyareinEngland，andthustheirgloryishiddenfromthemultitude。
　　DickfollowedTorpenhowwhereverthelatter’sfancychosetoleadhim，andbetweenthetwotheymanagedtoaccomplishsomeworkthatalmostsatisfiedthemselvesItwasnotaneasylifeinanyway，andunderitsinfluencethetwoweredrawnvercloselytogether，fortheyatefromthesamedish，theysharedthesamewater-bottle，and，mostbindingtieofall，theirmailswentofftogetherItwasDickwhomanagedtomakegloriouslydrunkatelegraph-clerkinapalmhutfarbeyondtheSecondCataract，and，whilethemanlayinblissonthefloor，possessedhimselfofsomelaboriouslyacquiredexclusiveinformation，forwardedbyaconfidingcorrespondentofanoppositionsyndicate，madeacarefulduplicateofthematter，andbroughttheresulttoTorpenhow，whosaidthatallwasfairinloveorwarcorrespondence，andbuiltanexcellentdescriptivearticlefromhisrival’sriotouswasteofwordsItwasTorpenhowwho——butthetaleoftheiradventures，togetherandapart，fromPhilaetothewastewildernessofHerawiandMuella，wouldfillmanybooksTheyhadbeenpennedintoasquaresidebyside，indeadlyfearofbeingshotbyover-excitedsoldiers；theyhadfoughtwithbaggage-camelsinthechilldawn；theyhadjoggedalonginsilenceunderblindingsunonindefatigablelittleEgyptianhorses；andtheyhadflounderedontheshallowsoftheNilewhenthewhale-boatinwhichtheyhadfoundaberthchosetohitahiddenrockandripouthalfherbottom-planks。
　　Nowtheyweresittingonthesand-bank，andthewhale-boatswerebringinguptheremainderofthecolumn。
　　’Yes，’saidTorpenhow，asheputthelastrudestitchesintohisover-long-neglectedgear，’ithasbeenabeautifulbusiness。’
　　’Thepatchorthecampaign？’saidDick’Don’tthinkmuchofeither，myself。’
　　’YouwanttheEuryalusbroughtupabovetheThirdCataract，don’tyou？
　　andeighty-one-tongunsatJakdul？Now，I’mquitesatisfiedwithmybreeches。’Heturnedroundgravelytoexhibithimself，afterthemannerofaclown。
　　’It’sveryprettySpeciallytheletteringonthesackG。B。T。
　　GovernmentBullockTrainThat’sasackfromIndia。’
　　’It’smyinitials，——GilbertBellingTorpenhowIstoletheclothonpurpose。
　　Whatthemischiefarethecamel-corpsdoingyonder？’Torpenhowshadedhiseyesandlookedacrossthescrub-strewngravel。
　　Abugleblewfuriously，andthemenonthebankhurriedtotheirarmsandaccoutrements。