`Ihardlyknowwhattosayaboutit，’shewrites，`orwhattothink。Totellyouthetruth，Helen，Idon’tlikethethoughtofitatall。IfIamtobeMrHattersley’swife，Imusttrytolovehim；
　　andIdotrywithallmymight；butIhavemadeverylittleprogressyet；
　　andtheworstsymptomofthecaseis，thatthefurtherheisfrommethebetterlikehim：hefrightensmewithhisabruptmannersandstrangehectoringways，andIdreadthethoughtofmarryinghim。“Thenwhyhaveyouacceptedhim？”youwillask；andIdidn’tknowIhadacceptedhim；butmammatellsmeIhave，andheseemstothinksotoo。Icertainlydidn’tmeantodoso；butIdidnotliketogivehimaflatrefusalforfearmammashouldbegrievedandangryforIknewshewishedmetomarryhim，andIwantedtotalktoherfirstaboutit，soIgavehimwhatIthoughtwasanevasive，halfnegativeanswer；butshesaysitwasasgoodasanacceptance，andhewouldthinkmeverycapriciousifIweretoattempttodrawback——andindeed，Iwassoconfusedandfrightenedatthemoment，IcanhardlytellwhatIsaid。AndnexttimeIsawhim，heaccostedmeinallconfidenceashisacedbride，andimmediatelybegantosettlematterswithmamma。
　　Ihadnotcouragetocontradictthemthen，andhowcanIdoitnow？Icannot：
　　theywouldthinkmemad，Besides，mammaissodelightedwiththeideaofthematch；shethinksshehasmanagedsowellforme；andIcannotbeartodisappointher。Idoobjectsometimes，andtellherwhatIfeel，butyoudon’tknowhowshetalks。MrHattersley，youknow，isthesonofarichbanker，andasEstherandIhavenofortunesandWalterverylittle，ourdearmammaisveryanxioustoseeusallwellmarried，thatis，unitedtorichpartners——itisnotmyideaofbeingwellmarried，butshemeansitallforthebest。ShesayswhenIamsafeoffherhandsitwillbesucharelieftohermind；andsheassuresmeitwillbeagoodthingforthefamilyaswellasforme。EvenWalterispleasedattheprospect，andwhenIconfessedmyreluctancetohim，hesaiditwasallchildishnonsense。Doyouthinkitnonsense，Helen？IshouldnotcareifIcouldseeanyprospectofbeingabletoloveandadmirehim，butIcan’t。
　　Thereisnothingabouthimtohangone’sesterandaffectionupon：heisdodiametricallyoppositetowhatIimagined-myhusbandshouldbe。Dowritetome，andsayallyoucantoencourageme。Don’tattempttodissuademe，formyfateisfixed：preparationsfortheimportanteventarealreadygoingonaroundme；anddon’tsayawordagainstMrHattersley，forIwanttothinkwellofhim；andthoughIhavespokenagainsthimmyself，itisforthelasttime：hereafter，Ishallneverpermitmyselftoutterawordinhisdispraise，howeverhemayseemtodeserveit；andwhoeverventurestospeakslightinglyofthemanIhavepromisedtolove，tohonour，andobeymustexpectmyseriousdispleasure。Afterall，IthinkheisquiteasgoodasMrHuntingdon，ifnotbetter：andyet，youlovehim，andseemtobehappyandcontented；andperhapsImaymanageaswell。Youmusttellme，ifyoucan，thatMrHattersleyisbetterthanheseems——thatheisupright，honourable，andopen-hearted——infact，aperfectdiamondintherough。Hemaybeallthis，butIdon’tknowhim——IknowonlytheexteriorandwhatItrustistheworstpartofhim。’
　　Sheconcludeswith`Goodbye，dearHelen，Iamwaitinganxiouslyforyouradvice-butmindyouletitbeallontherightside。’
　　Alas！poorMilicent，whatencouragementcanIgiveyou？——orwhatadvice——exceptthatitisbettertomakeaboldstandnow，thoughattheexpenseofdisappointingandangeringbothmotherandbrother，andlover，thantodevoteyourwholelife，hereafter，tomiseryandvainregret？
　　Saturday，13th。Theweekisover，andheisnotcome。Allthesweetsummerispassingawaywithoutonebreathofpleasuretomeorbenefittohim。AndIhadallalongbeenlookingforwardtothisseasonwiththefond，delusivehopethatweshouldenjoyitsosweetlytogether；andthat，withGod’shelpandmyexertions，itwouldbethemeansofelevatinghismind，andrefininghistastetoadueappreciationofthesalutaryandpuredelightsofnature。andpeace，andholylove。Butnow，——atevening，whenIseetheround，redsunsinkquietlydownbehindthosewoodyhills，leavingthemsleepinginawarm，red，goldenhaze，Ionlythinkanotherlovelydayislosttohimandme；——andatmorning，whenrouse’bytheflutterandchirpofthesparrows，andthegleefultwitteroftheswallows——allintentuponfeedingtheiryoung，andfulloflifeandjoyintheirownlittleframes——Iopenthewindowtoinhalethebalmy，soul-revivingairandlookoutuponthelovelylandscape，laughingindewandsunshine——I
　　toooftenshamethatgloriousscenewithtearsofthanklessmisery，becausehecannotfeelitsfresheninginfluence；——andwhenIwanderintheancientwoods，andmeetthelittlewildflowerssmilinginmypath，orsitintheshadowofournobleash-treesbythewatersidewiththeirbranchesgentlyswayinginthelightsummerbreezethatmurmursthroughtheirfeatheryfoliage——myearsfullofthatlowmusicmingledwiththedreamyhumofinsects，myeyesabstractedlygazingontheglassysurfaceofthelittlelakebeforeme，withthetreesthatcrowdaboutitsbank，somegracefullybendingtokissitswaters，somerearingtheirstatelyheadshighabove，butstretchingtheirwidearmsoveritsmargin，allfaithfullymirroredfar，fardowninitsglassydepth——thoughsometimestheimagesarepartiallybrokenbythesportofaquaticinsects，andsometimes，foramoment，thewholeisshiveredintotremblingfragmentsbyatransientbreezethatsweptthesurfacetooroughly，——stillIhavenopleasure；forthegreaterthehappinessthatnaturesetsbeforeme，themoreIlamentthatheisnotheretotasteit：thegreatertheblisswemightenjoytogether，themoreIfeelourpresent`wretchednessapartyes，ours；hemustbewretched，thoughhemaynotknowit；andthemoremysensesarepleased，themoremyheartisoppressed；forhekeepsitwithhimconfinedamidthedustandsmokeofLondon，——perhapsshutupwithinthewallsofhisownabominableclub。
　　Butmostofall，atnight，whenIentermylonelychamber。andlookoutuponthesummermoon，`sweetregentofthesky，’floatingabovemeinthe`blackbluevaultofheaven，’sheddingafloodofsilverradianceoverpark，andwood，andwater，sopure，sopeaceful，sodivine，——andthink，`Whereishenow？——whatishedoingatthismoment？——whollyunconsciousofthisheavenlyscene，——perhapsrevellingwithhisbooncompanions，perhaps——’
　　Godhelpme，itistoo——toomuch！
　　23rd。ThankHeaven，heiscomeatlast！Buthowaltered！——flushedandfeverish，listlessandlanguid，hisbeautystrangelydiminished，hisvigourandvivacityquitedeparted。Ihavenotupbraidedhimbywordorlook；Ihavenotevenaskedhimwhathehasbeendoing。Ihavenotthehearttodoit，forIthinkheisashamedofhimself——hemustbesoindeed，——andsuchenquiriescouldnotfailtobepainfultoboth。Myforbearancepleaseshim——toucheshimeven，Iaminclinedtothink。Hesaysheisgladtobehomeagain，andGodknowshowgladIamtogethimback，evenasheis。
　　Heliesonthesofanearlyalldaylong；andIplayandsingtohimforhourstogether。Iwritehislettersforhim，andgethimeverythinghewants；andsometimesIreadtohim，andsometimesItalk，andsometimesonlysitbyhimandsoothehimwithsilentcaresses。Iknowhedoesnotdeserveit；andIfearIamspoilinghim；butthisonce，Iwillforgivehim，freelyandentirely——IwillshamehimintovirtueifIcan，andI
　　willneverlethimleavemeagain。
　　Heispleasedwithmyattentions——itmaybe，gratefulforthem。
　　Helikestohavemenearhim；andthoughheispeevishandtestywithhisservantsandhisdogs，heisgentleandkindtome，Whathewouldbe，ifIdidnotsowatchfullyanticipatehiswants，andsocarefullyavoid，orimmediatelydesistfrom，doinganythingthathasatendencytoirritateordisturbhim，withhoweverlittlereason，Icannottell。HowintenselyIwishhewereworthyofallthiscare！LastnightasIsatbesidehim，withhisheadinmylap，passingmyfingersthroughhisbeautifulcurls，thisthoughtmademyeyesoverflowwithsorrowfultears——asitoftendoes，——butthistime，atearfellonhisfaceandmadehimlookup。Hesmiled，butnotinsultingly。
　　`DearHelen！’hesaid——`whydoyoucry？youknowthatIloveyouandhepressedmyhandtohisfeverishlips，`andwhatmorecouldyoudesire？’
　　`Only，Arthur，thatyouwouldloveyourself，astrulyandasfaithfullyasyouarelovedbyme。’
　　`Thatwouldbehardindeed！’hereplied，tenderlysqueezingmyhand，Idon’tknowwhetherhefullyunderstoodmymeaning，buthesmiled——thoughtfullyandevensadly——amostunusualthingwithhim；——andthenheclosedhiseyesandfellasleep，lookingascarelessandsinlessasachild。AsI
　　watchedthatplacidslumber，myheartswelledfullerthanever，andmytearsflowedunrestrained。
　　August24。Arthurishimselfagain，aslustyandreckless，aslightofheartandheadasever，andasrestlessandhardtoamuseasaspoiltchild，——andalmostasfullofmischieftoo，especiallywhenwetweatherkeepshimwithindoors。Iwishhehadsomethingtodo，someusefultrade，orprofession，oremployment——anythingtooccupyhisheadorhishandsforafewhoursaday，andgivehimsomethingbesideshisownpleasuretothinkabout，Ifhewouldplaythecountrygentleman，andattendtothefarm——butthatheknowsnothingabout，andwon’tgivehismindtoconsider，——orifhewouldtakeupwithsomeliterarystudy，orlearntodrawortoplay——asheissofondofmusic，Ioftentrytopersuadehimtolearnthepiano，butheisfartooidleforsuchanundertaking：hehasnomoreideaofexertinghimselftoovercomeobstaclesthanhehasofrestraininghisnaturalappetites；andthesetwothingsaretheruinofhim。Ilaythembothtothechargeofhisharshyetcarelessfatherandhismadlyindulgentmother。
　　IfeverIamamotherIwillzealouslystriveagainstthiscrimeofover-indulgence——I
　　canhardlygiveitamildernamewhenIthinkoftheevilsitbrings。
　　Happily，itwillsoonbetheshootingseason，andthen，iftheweatherpermit，hewillfindoccupationenoughinthepursuitanddestructionofthepartridgesandpheasants：wehavenogrouse，orhemighthavebeensimilarlyoccupiedatthismoment，insteadoflyingundertheacaciatreepullingpoorDash’sears。Buthesaysitisdullworkshootingalone；hemusthaveafriendortwotohelphim。
　　`Letthembetolerablydecentthen，Arthur，’saidI——Theword`friend，’inhismouth，makesmeshudder：Iknowitwassomeofhis`friends’
　　thatinducedhimtostaybehindmeinLondon，andkepthimawaysolong——indeed，fromwhathehasunguardedlytoldme，orhintedfromtimetotime，Icannotdoubtthathefrequentlyshowedthemmyletters，toletthemseehowfondlyhiswifewatchedoverhisinterestsandhowkeenlysheregrettedhisabsence；
　　andthattheyinducedhimtoremainweekafterweek，andtoplungeintoallmannerofexcessestoavoidbeinglaughedatforawife-riddenfool，and，perhaps，toshowhowfarhecouldventuretogowithoutdangerofshakingthefondcreature’sdevotedattachment。Itisahatefulidea，butIcannotbelieveitisafalseone。
　　`Well，’repliedhe，`IthoughtofLordLowboroughforone；butthereisnopossibilityofgettinghimwithouthisbetterhalf，ourmutualfriendAnnabella；sowemustaskthemboth。You’renotafraidofher，areyou，Helen？’heasked，withamischievoustwinkleinhiseyes。
　　`Ofcoursenot，’Ianswered：`whyshouldI？——Andwhobesides？’
　　`Hargraveforone——hewillbegladtocome，thoughhisownplaceissonear，forhehaslittleenoughlandofhisowntoshootover，andwecanextendourdepredationsintoit，ifwelike；——andheisthoroughlyrespectable，youknow，Helen，quitealady’sman：——andIthink，Grimsbyforanother：he’sadecent，quietfellowenough——you’llnotobjecttoGrimsby？’
　　`Ihatehim；buthowever，ifyouwishit，I’lltrytoendurehispresenceforawhile。’