Butthenitisabittertrialtobeholdhim,onhisreturn,doinghisutmosttosubvertmylaboursandtransformmyinnocent,affectionate,tractabledarlingintoaselfish,disobedient,andmischievousboy;therebypreparingthesoilforthoseviceshehassosuccessfullycultivatedinhisownpervertednature。
  Happily,therewerenoneofArthur’s`friends’invitedtoGrassdalelastautumn:hetookhimselfofftovisitsomeoftheminstead。Iwishhewouldalwaysdoso,andIwishhisfriendswerenumerousandlovingenoughtokeephimamongstthemalltheyearround。Mr。Hargrave,considerablytomyannoyance,didnotgowithhim;butIthinkIhavedonewiththatgentlemanatlast。
  Forsevenoreightmonths,hebehavedsoremarkablywell,andmanagedsoskilfullytoo,thatIwasalmostcompletelyoffmyguard,andwasreallybeginningtolookuponhimasafriend,andeventotreathimassuch,withcertainprudentrestrictionswhichIdeemedscarcelynecessary;
  when,presuminguponmyunsuspectingkindness,hethoughthemightventuretooversteptheboundsofdecentmoderationandproprietythathadsolongretainedhim。ItwasonapleasanteveningatthecloseofMay:Iwaswanderinginthepark,andhe,onseeingmethereasherodepast,madeboldtoenterandapproachme,dismountingandleavinghishorseatthegate。ThiswasthefirsttimehehadventuredtocomewithinitsinclosuresinceIhadbeenleftalone,withoutthesanctionofhismother’sorsister’scompany,oratleasttheexcuseofamessagefromthem。Buthemanagedtoappearsocalmandeasy,sorespectfulandself-possessedinhisfriendliness,that,thoughalittlesurprised,Iwasneitheralarmednoroffendedattheunusualliberty,andhewalkedwithmeundertheashtreesandbythewater-side,andtalked,withconsiderableanimation,goodtaste,andintelligence,onmanysubjects,beforeIbegantothinkaboutgettingridofhim。Then,afterapause,duringwhichwebothstoodgazingonthecalm,bluewater;
  Irevolvinginmymindthebestmeansofpolitelydismissingmycompanion,he,nodoubt,ponderingothermattersequallyalientothesweetsightsandsoundsthatalonewerepresenttohissenses,——hesuddenlyelectrifiedmebybeginning,inapeculiartone,low,soft,butperfectlydistinct,topourforththemostunequivocalexpressionsofearnestandpassionatelove;pleadinghiscausewithalltheboldyetartfuleloquencehecouldsummontohisaid。ButIcutshorthisappeal,andrepulsedhimsodeterminately,sodecidedly,andwithsuchamixtureofscornfulindignationtemperedwithcool,dispassionatesorrowandpityforhisbenightedmind,thathewithdrew,astonished,mortified,anddiscomforted;and,afewdaysafter,IheardthathehaddepartedforLondon。Hereturnedhoweverineightornineweeks——anddidnotentirelykeepalooffromme,butcomportedhimselfinsoremarkableamannerthathisquick-sightedsistercouldnotfailtonoticethechange。
  `WhathaveyoudonetoWalter,Mrs。Huntingdon?’saidsheonemorning,whenIhadcalledattheGrove,andhehadjustlefttheroomafterexchangingafewwordsofthecoldestcivility。`Hehasbeensoextremelyceremoniousandstatelyoflate,Ican’timaginewhatitisallabout,unlessyouhavedesperatelyoffendedhim。Tellmewhatitis,thatImaybeyourmediator,andmakeyoufriendsagain。’
  `Ihavedonenothingwillinglytooffendhim,’saidI。`Ifheisoffended,hecanbesttellyouhimselfwhatitisabout。’
  `I’llaskhim,’criedthegiddygirl,springingupandputtingherheadoutofthewindow;`he’sonlyinthegarden——Walter!’
  `No,no,Esther!youwillseriouslydispleasemeifyoudo;andIshallleaveyouimmediately,andnotcomeagainformonths——perhapsyears。
  `Didyoucall,Esther?’saidherbrother,approachingthewindowfromwithout。
  `Yes;Iwantedtoaskyou——’
  `Goodmorning,Esther,’saidI,takingherhandandgivingitaseveresqueeze。
  `Toaskyou,’continuedshe,`togetmearoseforMrs。Huntingdon。’
  Hedeparted。`Mrs。Huntingdon,’sheexclaimed,turningtomeandstillholdingmefastbythehand,`I’mquiteshockedatyou——you’rejustasangry,anddistant,andcoldasheis:andI’mdeterminedyoushallbeasgoodfriendsasever,beforeyougo。
  `Esther,howcanyoubesorude!’criedMrs。Hargrave,whowasseatedgravelyknittinginhereasychair。`Surely,youneverwilllearntoconductyourselflikealady!’
  `Wellmamma,yousaid,yourself——’Buttheyoungladywassilencedbytheupliftedfingerofhermamma,accompaniedwithaverysternshakeofthehead。
  `Isn’tshecross?’whisperedshetome;but,beforeIcouldaddmyshareofreproof,Mr。Hargravereappearedatthewindowwithabeautifulmossroseinhishand。
  `Here,Esther,I’vebroughtyoutherose,’saidhe,extendingittowardsher。
  `Giveitheryourself,youblockhead!’criedshe,recoilingwithaspringfrombetweenus。
  `Mrs。Huntingdonwouldratherreceiveitfromyou,’repliedheinaveryserioustone,butloweringhisvoicethathismothermightnothear。Hissistertooktheroseandgaveittome。
  `Mybrother’scompliments,Mrs。Huntingdon,andhehopesyouandhewillcometoabetterunderstandingbyandby——Willthatdo,Walter?’
  addedthesaucygirl,turningtohimandputtingherarmroundhisneck,ashestoodleaninguponthesillofthewindow——’orshouldIhavesaidthatyouaresorryyouweresotouchy?orthatyouhopeshewillpardonyouroffence?’
  `Yousillygirl!youdon’tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout,’repliedhegravely。
  `IndeedIdon’t;forI’mquiteinthedark。’
  `NowEsther,’interposedMrs。Hargrave,who,ifequallybenightedonthesubjectofourestrangement,sawatleastthatherdaughterwasbehavingveryimproperly,`Imustinsistuponyourleavingtheroom!’
  `Praydon’t,Mrs。Hargrave,forI’mgoingtoleaveitmyself,’
  saidI,andimmediatelymademyadieux。
  Aboutaweekafter,Mr。Hargravebroughthissistertoseeme。
  Heconductedhimself,atfirst,withhisusualcold,distant,half-stately,half-melancholy,altogetherinjuredair;butEsthermadenoremarkuponitthistime;shehadevidentlybeenschooledintobettermanners。Shetalkedtome,andlaughedandrompedwithlittleArthur,herlovedandlovingplaymate。He,somewhattomydiscomfort,enticedherfromtheroomtohavearuninthehall;and,thence,intothegarden。Igotuptostirthefire。Mr。HargraveaskedifIfeltcold,andshutthedoorsveryunseasonablepieceofofficiousness,forIhadmeditatedfollowingthenoisyplayfellows,iftheydidnotspeedilyreturn。Hethentookthelibertyofwalkinguptothefirehimself,andaskingmeifIwereawarethatMr。HuntingdonwasnowattheseatofLordLowborough,andlikelytocontinuetheresometime。
  `No;butit’snomatter,’Iansweredcarelessly;andifmycheekglowedlikefire,itwasratheratthequestionthantheinformationitconveyed。
  `Youdon’tobjecttoit?’hesaid。
  `Notatall,ifLordLowboroughlikeshiscompany。’
  `Youhavenoloveleftforhim,then?’
  `Nottheleast。’
  `Iknewthat——knewyouweretoohigh-mindedandpureinyourownnaturetocontinuetoregardonesoutterlyfalseandpolluted,withanyfeelingsbutthoseofindignationandscornfulabhorrence!’
  `Ishenotyourfriend?’saidI,turningmyeyesfromthefiretohisface,withperhapsaslighttouchofthosefeelingsheassignedtoanother。
  `Hewas,’repliedhe,withthesamecalmgravityasbefore,`butdonotwrongmebysupposingthatIcouldcontinuemyfriendshipandesteemtoamanwhocouldsoinfamously——soimpiouslyforsakeandinjureonesotranscendently——well,Iwon’tspeakofit。Buttellme,doyouneverthinkofrevenge?’
  `Revenge!No——whatgoodwouldthatdo?——itwouldmakehimnobetter,andmenohappier。’
  `Idon’tknowhowtotalktoyou,Mrs。Huntingdon,’saidhesmiling;
  `youareonlyhalfawoman——yournaturemustbehalfhuman,halfangelic。
  Suchgoodnessoverawesme;Idon’tknowwhattomakeofit。’
  `Thensir,Ifearyoumustbeverymuchworsethanyoushouldbe,ifI,amereordinarymortal,ambyyourownconfession,sovastlyyoursuperior;——andsincethereexistssolittlesympathybetweenus,I
  thinkwehadbettereachlookoutforsomemorecongenialcompanion。’Andforthwithmovingtothewindow,Ibegantolookoutformylittlesonandhisgayyoungfriend。
  `No,Iamtheordinarymortal,Imaintain,’repliedMr。Hargrave。
  Iwillnotallowmyselftobeworsethanmyfellows;butyouMadam——Iequallymaintainthereisnobodylikeyou。Butareyouhappy?’heaskedinaserioustone。
  `Ashappyassomeothers,Isuppose。’
  `Areyouashappyasyoudesiretobe?’
  `Nooneissoblestasthatcomesto,onthissideeternity。’
  `OnethingIknow,’returnedhe,withadeep,sadsigh;`youareimmeasurablyhappierthanIam。’
  `Iamverysorryforyou,then,’Icouldnothelpreplying。
  `Areyouindeed?——No——forifyouwere,youwouldbegladtorelieveme。’
  `AndsoIshould,ifIcoulddoso,withoutinjuringmyselforanyother。’
  `AndcanyousupposethatIshouldwishyoutoinjureyourself?——No;
  onthecontrary,itisyourownhappinessIlongformorethanmine。Youaremiserablenow,Mrs。Huntingdon,’continuedhe,lookingmeboldlyintheface。`Youdonotcomplain,butIsendfeel——andknowthatyouaremiserableandmustremainso,aslongasyoukeepthosewallsofimpenetrableiceaboutyourstillwarmandpalpitatingheart;——andIammiserabletoo。
  Deigntosmileonme,andIamhappy:trustme,andyoushallbehappyalso,forifyouareawoman,IcanmakeyousoundIwilldoitinspiteofyourself!’hemutteredbetweenhisteeth,`andasforothers,thequestionisbetweenourselvesalone:youcannotinjureyourhusband,youknow;andnooneelsehasanyconcerninthematter。’
  `Ihaveason,Mr。Hargrave,andyouhaveamother,’saidI,retiringfromthewindow,whitherhehadfollowedme。
  `Theyneednotknow,’hebegan,butbeforeanythingmorecouldbesaidoneitherside,EstherandArthurre-enteredtheroom。TheformerglancedatWalter’sflushed,excitedcountenance,andthenatminedlittleflushedandexcitedtoo,Idaresay,thoughfromfardifferentcauses。
  Shemusthavethoughtwehadbeenquarrellingdesperately,andwasevidentlyperplexedanddisturbedatthecircumstance;butshewastoopolite,ortoomuchafraidofherbrother’sangertorefertoit。Sheseatedherselfonthesofa,andputtingbackherbright,goldenringlets,thatWerescatteredinwildprofusionoverherface,sheimmediatelybegantotalkaboutthegardenandherlittleplayfellow,andcontinuedtochatterawayinherusualstraintillherbrothersummonedhertodepart。
  `IfIhavespokentoowarmly,forgiveme,’hemurmuredontakinghisleave,`orIshallneverforgivemyself。’
  Esthersmiledandglancedatme:Imerelybowed,andhercountenancefell。ShethoughtitapoorreturnforWalter’sgenerousconcession,andwasdisappointedinherfriend。Poorchild,shelittleknowstheworldshelivesin!
  Mr。Hargravehadnotanopportunityofmeetingmeagaininprivateforseveralweeksafterthis;butwhenhedidmeetme,therewaslessofprideandmoreoftouchingmelancholyinhismannerthanbefore。Oh,howheannoyedme!Iwasobliged,atlastalmostentirelytoremitmyvisitstotheGrove,attheexpenseofdeeplyoffendingMrs。HargraveandseriouslyafflictingpoorEsther,whoreallyvaluesmysociety——forwantofbetter,andwhooughtnottosufferforthefaultofherbrother。Butthatindefatigablefoewasnotyetvanquished:`heseemedtobealwaysonthewatch。Ifrequentlysawhimridinglingeringlypastthepremises,lookingsearchinglyroundhimashewent——orifIdidnot,Racheldid。Thatsharp-sightedwomansoonguessedhowmattersstoodbetweenus,anddescryingtheenemy’smovementsfromherelevationatthenurserywindow,shewouldgivemeaquietintimation,ifshesawmepreparingforawalkwhenshehadreasontobelievehewasabout,ortothinkitlikelythathewouldmeetorovertakemeinthewayImeanttotraverse。Iwouldthendefermyramble,orconfinemyselfforthatdaytotheparkandgardens——oriftheproposedexcursionwasamatterofimportance,suchasavisittothesickorafflicted,IwouldtakeRachelwithme,andthenIwasnevermolested。
  Butonemild,sunshinyday,earlyinNovember,Ihadventuredforthalone,tovisitthevillageschoolandafewofthepoortenants,andonmyreturn,Iwasalarmedattheclatterofahorse’sfeetbehindmeapproachingatarapid,steadytrot。Therewasnostileorgapathand,bywhichIcouldescapeintothefields:soIwalkedquietlyon,sayingtomyself