`Itmaynotbeheafterall；andifitis，andifhedoannoyme——itshallbeforthelasttime——Iamdetermined，iftherebepowerinwordsandlooksagainstcoolimpudenceandmawkishsentimentalitysoinexhaustibleashis。’
　　Thehorsesoonovertookme，andwasreinedupclosebesideme。
　　ItwasMr。Hargrave。Hegreetedmewithasmileintendedtobesoftandmelancholy，buthistriumphantsatisfactionathavingcaughtmeatlast，soshonethrough，thatitwasquiteafailure。AfterbrieflyansweringhissalutationandinquiringaftertheladiesattheGrove，Iturnedawayandwalkedon；buthefollowed，andkepthishorseatmyside：itwasevidentheintendedtobemycompanionalltheway。
　　`Well！Idon’tmuchcare。Ifyouwantanotherrebuff，takeit——andwelcome，’wasmyinwardremark。`Nowsir，whatnext？’
　　Thisquestion，thoughunspoken，wasnotlongunanswered：afterafewpassingobservationsuponindifferentsubjects，hebegan，insolemntones，thefollowingappealtomyhumanity：
　　`ItwillbefouryearsnextAprilsinceIfirstsawyou，Mrs。
　　Huntingdon，——youmayhaveforgottenthecircumstance，butInevercan——I
　　admiredyouthen，mostdeeply，butIdarednotloveyou：inthefollowingautumn，IsawsomuchofyourperfectionsthatIcouldnotfailtoloveyou，thoughIdarednotshewit。Forupwardsofthreeyears，Ihaveenduredaperfectmartyrdom。Fromtheanguishofsuppressedemotions，intenseandfruitlesslongings，silentsorrow，crushedhopes，andtrampledaffections，——I
　　havesufferedmorethanIcantell，oryouimagine——andyouwerethecauseofit——andnot，altogether，theinnocentcause。Myyouthiswastingaway；
　　myprospectsaredarkened；mylifeisadesolateblank；Ihavenorestdayornight：Iambecomeaburdentomyselfandothers；andyoumightsavemebyawordsglance，andwillnotdoit——Isthisright？’
　　`Inthefirstplace，Idon’tbelieveyou，’answeredI：`inthesecond，ifyouwillbesuchafool，Ican’thinderit。’
　　`Ifyouaffect，’repliedheearnestly，`toregardasfolly，thebest，thestrongest，themostgodlikeimpulsesofournature，——Idon’tbelieveyou——Iknowyouarenottheheartless，icybeingyoupretendtobayouhadaheartonce，andyougaveittoyourhusband。Whenyoufoundhimutterlyunworthyofthetreasureyoureclaimedit；——andyouwillnotpretendthatyoulovedthatsensual，earthlymindedprofligatesodeeply，sodevotedlythatyoucanneverloveanother？——Iknowthattherearefeelingsinyournaturethathaveneveryetbeencalledforth——Iknow，too，thatinyourpresentneglected，lonelystateyouare，andmustbemiserable。Youhaveitinyourpowertoraisetwohumanbeingsfromastateofactualsufferingtosuchunspeakablebeatitudeasonlygenerous，nobleself-forgettinglovecangiveforyoucanlovemeifyouwill；youmaytellmethatyouscornanddetestme，but——sinceyouhavesetmetheexampleofplainspeaking——IwillanswerthatIdonotbelieveyou！，butyouwillnotdoit！youchooserathertoleaveusmiserable；
　　andyoucoollytellmeitisthewillofGodthatweshouldremainso。Youmaycallthisreligion，butIcallitwildfanaticism！’
　　`Thereisanotherlifebothforyouandforme，’saidI。`Ifitbethewillof——Godthatweshouldsowintears，now，itisonlythatwemayreapinjoy，hereafter。*ItisHiswillthatweshouldnotinjureothersbythegratificationofourownearthlypassions；andyouhaveamother，andsisters，andfriends，whowouldbeseriouslyinjuredbyyourdisgrace；
　　andItoohavefriends，whosepeaceofmindshallneverbesacrificedtomyenjoyment——oryourseither，withmyconsent——andifIwerealoneintheworld，IhavestillmyGodandmyreligion，*andIwouldsoonerdiethandisgracemycallingandbreakmyfaithwithHeaventoobtainafewbriefyearsoffalseandfleetinghappiness——happinesssuretoendinmisery，evenhere——formyselforanyother！’
　　`Thereneedbenodisgrace——nomiseryorsacrificeinanyquarter，’
　　persistedhe。`Idonotaskyoutoleaveyourhomeordefytheworld’sopinion。`——ButIneednotrepeatallhisarguments。Irefutedthemtothebestofmypower；butthatpowerwasprovokinglysmall，atthemoment，forIwastoomuchflurriedwithindignation——andevenshame——thatheshouldthusdaretoaddressme，toretainsufficientcommandofthoughtandlanguagetoenablemeadequatelytocontendagainsthispowerfulsophistries。Finding，however，thathecouldnotbesilencedbyreason，andevencovertlyexultedinhisseemingadvantage，andventuredtoderidethoseassertionsIhadnotthecoolnesstoprove，Ichangedmycourseandtriedanotherplan。
　　`Doyoureallyloveme？’saidIseriously，pausingandlookinghimcalmlyintheface。
　　`DoIloveyou！’criedhe。
　　`Truly？’Idemanded。
　　Hiscountenancebrightened；hethoughthistriumphwasathand。
　　HecommencedapassionateprotestationofthetruthandfervourofhisattachmentwhichIcutshortbyanotherquestion：——
　　`Butisitnotaselfishlove？——haveyouenoughdisinterestedaffectiontoenableyoutosacrificeyourownpleasuretomine？’
　　`Iwouldgivemylifetoserveyou。’
　　`Idon’twantyourlife——buthaveyouenoughrealsympathyformyafflictionstoinduceyoutomakeanefforttorelievethem，attheriskofalittlediscomforttoyourself？’
　　`Tryme，andsee！’
　　`Ifyouhave——nevermentionthissubjectagain。Youcannotrecurtoitinanyway，withoutdoublingtheweightofthosesufferingsyousofeelinglydeplore。IhavenothingleftmebutthesolaceofagoodconscienceandahopefultrustinHeaven，andyoulabourcontinuallytorobmeofthese。Ifyoupersist，Imustregardyouasmydeadliestfoe。’
　　`Buthearmeamoment——’
　　`No，sir！yousaidyouwouldgiveyourlifetoserveme：Ionlyaskyoursilenceononeparticularpoint。Ihavespokenplainly；
　　andwhatIsayImean。Ifyoutormentmeinthiswayanymore，Imustconcludethatyourprotestationsareentirelyfalse，andthatyouhatemeinyourheartasferventlyasyouprofesstoloveme！’
　　Hebithislipandbenthiseyesuponthegroundinsilenceforawhile。
　　`ThenImustleaveyou，’saidheatlength，lookingsteadilyuponme，asifwiththelasthopeofdetectingsometokenofirrepressibleanguishordismayawakenedbythosesolemnwords。`Imustleaveyou。Icannotlivehere，andbeforeversilentontheall-absorbingsubjectofmythoughtsandwishes。’
　　`Formerly，Ibelieve，youspentbutlittleofyourtimeathome，’
　　Ianswered：`itwilldoyounoharmtoabsentyourselfagain，forawhile——ifthatbereallynecessary。’
　　`Ifthatbereallypossible，’hemuttered——’andcanyoubidmegosocoolly？Doyoureallywishit？’
　　`MostcertainlyIdo。Ifyoucannotseemewithouttormentingmeasyouhavelatelydone，Iwouldgladlysayfarewellandneverseeyoumore。
　　Hemadenoanswer，but，bendingfromhishorse，heldouthishandtowardsme。Ilookedupathisface，andsaw，therein，suchalookofgenuineagonyofsoulthat，whetherbitterdisappointment，orwoundedpride，orlingeringlove，orburningwrathwereuppermost，IcouldnothesitatetoputmyhandinhisasfranklyasifIbadeafriendfarewell。Hegraspeditveryhard，andimmediatelyputspurstohishorseandgallopedaway。
　　Verysoonafter，IlearnedthathewasgonetoParis，wherehestillis，andthelongerhestaystherethebetterforme。
　　IthankGodforthisdeliverance！
　　[ENDOFVOL。II。]
　　TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter38CHAPTERXXXVIIITHEINJUREDMANDecember20th，1826——Thefifthanniversaryofmyweddingday，andItrust，thelastIshallspendunderthisroof。Myresolutionisformed，myplanconcocted，andalreadypartlyputinexecution。Myconsciencedoesnotblameme，butwhilethepurposeripens，letmebeguileafewoftheselongwintereveningsinstatingthecaseformyownsatisfaction——drearyamusementenough，buthavingtheairofausefuloccupation，andbeingpursuedasatask，itwillsuitmebetterthanalighterone。
　　InSeptember，quietGrassdalewasagainalivewithapartyofladiesandgentlemensocalledconsistingofthesameindividualsasthoseinvitedtheyearbeforelast，withtheadditionoftwoorthreeothers，amongwhomwereMrs。Hargraveandheryoungerdaughter。ThegentlemenandLadyLowboroughwereinvitedforthepleasureandconvenienceofthehost；
　　theotherladies，Isupposeforthesakeofappearances，andtokeepmeincheckandmakemediscreetandcivilinmydemeanour。Buttheladiesstayedonlythreeweeks，thegentlemen，withtwoexceptions，abovetwomonths，fortheirhospitableentertainerwasloathtopartwiththemandbeleftalonewithhisbrightintellect，hisstainlessconscience，andhislovedandlovingwife。
　　OnthedayofLadyLowborough’sarrival，Ifollowedherintoherchamber，andplainlytoldherthat，ifIfoundreasontobelievethatshestillcontinuedhercriminalconnectionwithMr。Huntingdon，Ishouldthinkitmyabsolutedutytoinformherhusbandofthecircumstance——orawakenhissuspicionsatleast——howeverpainfulitmightbe，orhoweverdreadfultheconsequences。Shewasstartledatfirst，bythedeclaration，sounexpected，andsodeterminatelyyetcalmlydelivered；butrallyinginamoment，shecoollyrepliedthatifIsawanythingatallreprehensibleorsuspiciousinherconduct，shewouldfreelygivemeleavetotellhislordshipallaboutit。Willingtobesatisfiedwiththis，Ilefther；andcertainlyIsawnothingthenceforthparticularlyreprehensibleorsuspiciousinherdemeanourtowardsherhost；butthenIhadtheothergueststoattendto，andIdidnotwatchthemnarrowly——fortoconfessthetruth，Ifearedtoseeanythingbetweenthem。Inolongerregardeditasanyconcernofmine，andifitwasmydutytoenlightenLordLowborough，itwasapainfulduty，andIdreadedtobecalledtoperformit。
　　Butmyfearswerebroughttoanend，inamannerIhadnotanticipated。
　　Oneevening，aboutafortnightafterthevisitors’arrival，Ihadretiredintothelibrarytosnatchafewminutes’respitefromforcedcheerfulnessandwearisomediscourse——foraftersolongaperiodofseclusion，drearyindeed，asIhadoftenfoundit，Icouldnotalwaysbeartobedoingviolencetomyfeelings，andgoadingmypowerstotalk，andsmileandlisten，andplaytheattentivehostess——oreventhecheerfulfriend——Ihadjustensconcedmyselfwithinthebowofthewindow，andwaslookingoutuponthewestwherethedarkeninghillsrosesharplydefinedagainsttheclearamberlightofevening，thatgraduallyblendedandfadedawayintothepure，paleblueoftheuppersky，whereonebrightstarwasshiningthrough，asiftopromise——Whenthatdyinglightisgone，theworldwillnotbeleftindarkness，andtheywhotrustinGod——whosemindsareunbecloudedbythemistsofunbeliefandsin，areneverwhollycomfortless。”——whenIheardahurriedstepapproaching，andLordLowboroughentered——hisroomwasstillhisfavouriteresort。Heflungthedoortowithunusualviolence，andcasthishatasideregardlesswhereitfell。Whatcouldbethematterwithhim？Hisfacewasghastlypale；hiseyeswerefixedupontheground；
　　histeethclenched；hisforeheadglistenedwiththedewsofagony。Itwasplainheknewhiswrongsatlast！
　　Unconsciousofmypresence，hebegantopacetheroominastateoffearfulagitation，violentlywringinghishandsandutteringlowgroansorincoherentejaculations。Imadeamovementtolethimknowthathewasnotalone；buthewastoopreoccupiedtonoticeit。Perhaps，whilehisbackwastowardsme，Imightcrosstheroomandslipawayunobserved；I
　　rosetomaketheattempt，butthenheperceivedme。Hestartedandstoodstillamoment；thenwipedhisstreamingforehead，andadvancingtowardsme，withakindofunnaturalcomposure，saidinadeep，almostsepulchraltone——
　　`Mrs。Huntingdon，Imustleaveyouto-morrow。’
　　`To-morrow！’Irepeated，`Idonotaskthecause。’
　　`Youknowitthen——andyoucanbesocalm！’saidhe，surveyingmewithprofoundastonishment，notunmingledwithakindofresentfulbitterness，asitappearedtome。
　　`Ihavesolongbeenawareof——’Ipausedintime，andadded，`ofmyhusband’scharacter，thatnothingshocksme。’
　　`Butthis——howlonghaveyoubeenawareofthis？’demandedhe，layinghisclenchedhandonthetablebesidehim，andlookingmekeenlyandfixedlyintheface。
　　Ifeltlikeacriminal。
　　`Notlong，’Ianswered。