HOLIDAYROMANCE—INFOURPARTS
PARTI—INTRODUCTORYROMANCEPROMTHEPENOFWILLIAMTINKLING，ESQ。（Agedeight。）
THISbeginning—partisnotmadeoutofanybody’shead，youknow。
It’sreal。Youmustbelievethisbeginning—partmorethanwhatcomesafter，elseyouwon’tunderstandhowwhatcomesaftercametobewritten。Youmustbelieveitall；butyoumustbelievethismost，please。Iamtheeditorofit。BobRedforth（he’smycousin，andshakingthetableonpurpose）wantedtobetheeditorofit；butIsaidheshouldn’tbecausehecouldn’t。HEhasnoideaofbeinganeditor。
NettieAshfordismybride。Weweremarriedintheright—handclosetinthecornerofthedancing—school，wherefirstwemet，witharing（agreenone）fromWilkingwater’stoy—shop。Iowedforitoutofmypocket—money。Whentherapturousceremonywasover，weallfourwentupthelaneandletoffacannon（broughtloadedinBobRedforth’swaistcoat—pocket）toannounceournuptials。Itflewrightupwhenitwentoff，andturnedover。Nextday，Lieut。—
Col。RobinRedforthwasunited，withsimilarceremonies，toAliceRainbird。Thistimethecannonburstwithamostterrificexplosion，andmadeapuppybark。
Mypeerlessbridewas，attheperiodofwhichwenowtreat，incaptivityatMissGrimmer’s。DrowveyandGrimmeristhepartnership，andopinionisdividedwhichisthegreatestbeast。
Thelovelybrideofthecolonelwasalsoimmuredinthedungeonsofthesameestablishment。Avowwasenteredinto，betweenthecolonelandmyself，thatwewouldcutthemoutonthefollowingWednesdaywhenwalkingtwoandtwo。
Underthedesperatecircumstancesofthecase，theactivebrainofthecolonel，combiningwithhislawlesspursuit（heisapirate），suggestedanattackwithfireworks。This，however，frommotivesofhumanity，wasabandonedastooexpensive。
Lightlyarmedwithapaper—knifebuttonedupunderhisjacket，andwavingthedreadedblackflagattheendofacane，thecoloneltookcommandofmeattwoP。M。ontheeventfulandappointedday。
Hehaddrawnouttheplanofattackonapieceofpaper，whichwasrolleduproundahoop—stick。Heshowedittome。Mypositionandmyfull—lengthportrait（butmyrealearsdon’tstickouthorizontal）wasbehindacornerlamp—post，withwrittenorderstoremaintheretillIshouldseeMissDrowveyfall。TheDrowveywhowastofallwastheoneinspectacles，nottheonewiththelargelavenderbonnet。AtthatsignalIwastorushforth，seizemybride，andfightmywaytothelane。Thereajunctionwouldbeeffectedbetweenmyselfandthecolonel；andputtingourbridesbehindus，betweenourselvesandthepalings，weweretoconquerordie。
Theenemyappeared，—approached。Wavinghisblackflag，thecolonelattacked。Confusionensued。AnxiouslyIawaitedmysignal；butmysignalcamenot。Sofarfromfalling，thehatedDrowveyinspectaclesappearedtometohavemuffledthecolonel’sheadinhisoutlawedbanner，andtobepitchingintohimwithaparasol。Theoneinthelavenderbonnetalsoperformedprodigiesofvalourwithherfistsonhisback。Seeingthatallwasforthemomentlost，Ifoughtmydesperatewayhandtohandtothelane。
Throughtakingthebackroad，Iwassofortunateastomeetnobody，andarrivedthereuninterrupted。
Itseemedanageerethecoloneljoinedme。Hehadbeentothejobbingtailor’stobesewnupinseveralplaces，andattributedourdefeattotherefusalofthedetestedDrowveytofall。Findinghersoobstinate，hehadsaidtoher，’Die，recreant！’buthadfoundhernomoreopentoreasononthatpointthantheother。
Mybloomingbrideappeared，accompaniedbythecolonel’sbride，atthedancing—schoolnextday。What？Washerfaceavertedfromme？
Hah？Evenso。Withalookofscorn，sheputintomyhandabitofpaper，andtookanotherpartner。Onthepaperwaspencilled，’Heavens！CanIwritetheword？Ismyhusbandacow？’
Inthefirstbewildermentofmyheatedbrain，Itriedtothinkwhatslanderercouldhavetracedmyfamilytotheignobleanimalmentionedabove。Vainweremyendeavours。AttheendofthatdanceIwhisperedthecoloneltocomeintothecloak—room，andI
showedhimthenote。
’Thereisasyllablewanting，’saidhe，withagloomybrow。
’Hah！Whatsyllable？’wasmyinquiry。
’Sheasks，canshewritetheword？Andno；youseeshecouldn’t，’
saidthecolonel，pointingoutthepassage。
’Andthewordwas？’saidI。
’Cow—cow—coward，’hissedthepirate—colonelinmyear，andgavemebackthenote。
FeelingthatImustforevertreadtheearthabrandedboy，—
personImean，—orthatImustclearupmyhonour，Idemandedtobetriedbyacourt—martial。Thecoloneladmittedmyrighttobetried。Somedifficultywasfoundincomposingthecourt，onaccountoftheEmperorofFrance’sauntrefusingtolethimcomeout。Hewastobethepresident。Ereyetwehadappointedasubstitute，hemadehisescapeovertheback—wall，andstoodamongus，afreemonarch。
Thecourtwasheldonthegrassbythepond。Irecognised，inacertainadmiralamongmyjudges，mydeadliestfoe。Acocoa—nuthadgivenrisetolanguagethatIcouldnotbrook；butconfidinginmyinnocence，andalsointheknowledgethatthePresidentoftheUnitedStates（whosatnexthim）owedmeaknife，Ibracedmyselffortheordeal。
Itwasasolemnspectacle，thatcourt。Twoexecutionerswithpinaforesreversedledmein。UndertheshadeofanumbrellaI
perceivedmybride，supportedbythebrideofthepirate—colonel。
Thepresident，havingreprovedalittlefemaleensignfortittering，onamatteroflifeordeath，calleduponmetoplead，’Cowardornocoward，guiltyornotguilty？’Ipleadedinafirmtone，’Nocowardandnotguilty。’（Thelittlefemaleensignbeingagainreprovedbythepresidentformisconduct，mutinied，leftthecourt，andthrewstones。）
Myimplacableenemy，theadmiral，conductedthecaseagainstme。
Thecolonel’sbridewascalledtoprovethatIhadremainedbehindthecornerlamp—postduringtheengagement。Imighthavebeensparedtheanguishofmyownbride’sbeingalsomadeawitnesstothesamepoint，buttheadmiralknewwheretowoundme。Bestill，mysoul，nomatter。Thecolonelwasthenbroughtforwardwithhisevidence。
ItwasforthispointthatIhadsavedmyselfup，astheturning—
pointofmycase。Shakingmyselffreeofmyguards，—whohadnobusinesstoholdme，thestupids，unlessIwasfoundguilty，—I
askedthecolonelwhatheconsideredthefirstdutyofasoldier？
Erehecouldreply，thePresidentoftheUnitedStatesroseandinformedthecourt，thatmyfoe，theadmiral，hadsuggested’Bravery，’andthatpromptingawitnesswasn’tfair。Thepresidentofthecourtimmediatelyorderedtheadmiral’smouthtobefilledwithleaves，andtiedupwithstring。Ihadthesatisfactionofseeingthesentencecarriedintoeffectbeforetheproceedingswentfurther。
Ithentookapaperfrommytrousers—pocket，andasked，’Whatdoyouconsider，Col。Redford，thefirstdutyofasoldier？Isitobedience？’
’Itis，’saidthecolonel。
’Isthatpaper—pleasetolookatit—inyourhand？’
’Itis，’saidthecolonel。
’Isitamilitarysketch？’
’Itis，’saidthecolonel。
’Ofanengagement？’
’Quiteso，’saidthecolonel。
’Ofthelateengagement？’
’Ofthelateengagement。’
’Pleasetodescribeit，andthenhandittothepresidentofthecourt。’
Fromthattriumphantmomentmysufferingsandmydangerswereatanend。Thecourtroseupandjumped，ondiscoveringthatIhadstrictlyobeyedorders。Myfoe，theadmiral，whothoughmuzzledwasmalignantyet，contrivedtosuggestthatIwasdishonouredbyhavingquittedthefield。Butthecolonelhimselfhaddoneasmuch，andgavehisopinion，uponhiswordandhonourasapirate，thatwhenallwaslostthefieldmightbequittedwithoutdisgrace。
Iwasgoingtobefound’Nocowardandnotguilty，’andmybloomingbridewasgoingtobepubliclyrestoredtomyarmsinaprocession，whenanunlooked—foreventdisturbedthegeneralrejoicing。ThiswasnootherthantheEmperorofFrance’sauntcatchingholdofhishair。Theproceedingsabruptlyterminated，andthecourttumultuouslydissolved。
Itwaswhentheshadesofthenexteveningbutonewerebeginningtofall，ereyetthesilverbeamsofLunatouchedtheearth，thatfourformsmighthavebeendescriedslowlyadvancingtowardstheweepingwillowonthebordersofthepond，thenowdesertedsceneofthedaybeforeyesterday’sagoniesandtriumphs。Onanearerapproach，andbyapractisedeye，thesemighthavebeenidentifiedastheformsofthepirate—colonelwithhisbride，andofthedaybeforeyesterday’sgallantprisonerwithhisbride。
OnthebeauteousfacesoftheNymphsdejectionsatenthroned。Allfourreclinedunderthewillowforsomeminuteswithoutspeaking，tillatlengththebrideofthecolonelpoutinglyobserved，’It’sofnousepretendinganymore，andwehadbettergiveitup。’
’Hah！’exclaimedthepirate。’Pretending？’
’Don’tgoonlikethat；youworryme，’returnedhisbride。
ThelovelybrideofTinklingechoedtheincredibledeclaration。
Thetwowarriorsexchangedstonyglances。
’If，’saidthebrideofthepirate—colonel，’grown—uppeopleWON’T
dowhattheyoughttodo，andWILLputusout，whatcomesofourpretending？’
’Weonlygetintoscrapes，’saidthebrideofTinkling。
’Youknowverywell，’pursuedthecolonel’sbride，’thatMissDrowveywouldn’tfall。Youcomplainedofityourself。Andyouknowhowdisgracefullythecourt—martialended。Astoourmarriage；wouldmypeopleacknowledgeitathome？’
’Orwouldmypeopleacknowledgeours？’saidthebrideofTinkling。
Againthetwowarriorsexchangedstonyglances。
’Ifyouknockedatthedoorandclaimedme，afteryouweretoldtogoaway，’saidthecolonel’sbride，’youwouldonlyhaveyourhairpulled，oryourears，oryournose。’
’Ifyoupersistedinringingatthebellandclaimingme，’saidthebrideofTinklingtothatgentleman，’youwouldhavethingsdroppedonyourheadfromthewindowoverthehandle，oryouwouldbeplayeduponbythegarden—engine。’
’Andatyourownhomes，’resumedthebrideofthecolonel，’itwouldbejustasbad。Youwouldbesenttobed，orsomethingequallyundignified。Again，howwouldyousupportus？’
Thepirate—colonelrepliedinacourageousvoice，’Byrapine！’Buthisbrideretorted，’Supposethegrown—uppeoplewouldn’tberapined？’’Then，’saidthecolonel，’theyshouldpaythepenaltyinblood。’—’Butsupposetheyshouldobject，’retortedhisbride，’andwouldn’tpaythepenaltyinbloodoranythingelse？’
Amournfulsilenceensued。
’Thendoyounolongerloveme，Alice？’askedthecolonel。
’Redforth！Iameverthine，’returnedhisbride。
’Thendoyounolongerloveme，Nettie？’askedthepresentwriter。
’Tinkling！Iameverthine，’returnedmybride。
Weallfourembraced。Letmenotbemisunderstoodbythegiddy。
Thecolonelembracedhisownbride，andIembracedmine。Buttwotimestwomakefour。
’NettieandI，’saidAlicemournfully，’havebeenconsideringourposition。Thegrown—uppeoplearetoostrongforus。Theymakeusridiculous。Besides，theyhavechangedthetimes。WilliamTinkling’sbabybrotherwaschristenedyesterday。Whattookplace？
Wasanykingpresent？Answer，William。’
IsaidNo，unlessdisguisedasGreat—uncleChopper。
’Anyqueen？’
TherehadbeennoqueenthatIknewofatourhouse。Theremighthavebeenoneinthekitchen：butIdidn’tthinkso，ortheservantswouldhavementionedit。
’Anyfairies？’
Nonethatwerevisible。
’Wehadanideaamongus，Ithink，’saidAlice，withamelancholysmile，’wefour，thatMissGrimmerwouldprovetobethewickedfairy，andwouldcomeinatthechristeningwithhercrutch—stick，andgivethechildabadgift。Wasthereanythingofthatsort？
Answer，William。’
Isaidthatmahadsaidafterwards（andsoshehad），thatGreat—
uncleChopper’sgiftwasashabbyone；butshehadn’tsaidabadone。Shehadcalleditshabby，electrotyped，second—hand，andbelowhisincome。
’Itmustbethegrown—uppeoplewhohavechangedallthis，’saidAlice。’WEcouldn’thavechangedit，ifwehadbeensoinclined，andwenevershouldhavebeen。OrperhapsMissGrimmerISawickedfairyafterall，andwon’tactuptoitbecausethegrown—uppeoplehavepersuadedhernotto。Eitherway，theywouldmakeusridiculousifwetoldthemwhatweexpected。’
’Tyrants！’mutteredthepirate—colonel。
’Nay，myRedforth，’saidAlice，’saynotso。Callnotnames，myRedforth，ortheywillapplytopa。’
’Let’em，’saidthecolonel。’Idonotcare。Who’she？’
Tinklinghereundertooktheperiloustaskofremonstratingwithhislawlessfriend，whoconsentedtowithdrawthemoodyexpressionsabovequoted。
’Whatremainsforustodo？’Alicewentoninhermild，wiseway。
’Wemusteducate，wemustpretendinanewmanner，wemustwait。’
Thecolonelclenchedhisteeth，—fouroutinfront，andapieceofanother，andhehadbeentwicedraggedtothedoorofadentist—
despot，buthadescapedfromhisguards。’Howeducate？Howpretendinanewmanner？Howwait？’
’Educatethegrown—uppeople，’repliedAlice。’Wepartto—night。
Yes，Redforth，’—forthecoloneltuckeduphiscuffs，—’partto—
night！Letusinthesenextholidays，nowgoingtobegin，throwourthoughtsintosomethingeducationalforthegrown—uppeople，hintingtothemhowthingsoughttobe。Letusveilourmeaningunderamaskofromance；you，I，andNettie。WilliamTinklingbeingtheplainestandquickestwriter，shallcopyout。Isitagreed？’
Thecolonelansweredsulkily，’Idon’tmind。’Hethenasked，’Howaboutpretending？’
’Wewillpretend，’saidAlice，’thatwearechildren；notthatwearethosegrown—uppeoplewhowon’thelpusoutastheyought，andwhounderstandussobadly。’
Thecolonel，stillmuchdissatisfied，growled，’Howaboutwaiting？’
’Wewillwait，’answeredlittleAlice，takingNettie’shandinhers，andlookinguptothesky，’wewillwait—everconstantandtrue—tillthetimeshavegotsochangedasthateverythinghelpsusout，andnothingmakesusridiculous，andthefairieshavecomeback。Wewillwait—everconstantandtrue—tillweareeighty，ninety，oronehundred。AndthenthefairieswillsendUS
children，andwewillhelpthemout，poorprettylittlecreatures，iftheypretendeversomuch。’
’Sowewill，dear，’saidNettieAshford，takingherroundthewaistwithbotharmsandkissingher。’Andnowifmyhusbandwillgoandbuysomecherriesforus，Ihavegotsomemoney。’
InthefriendliestmannerIinvitedthecoloneltogowithme；buthesofarforgothimselfastoacknowledgetheinvitationbykickingoutbehind，andthenlyingdownonhisstomachonthegrass，pullingitupandchewingit。WhenIcameback，however，Alicehadnearlybroughthimoutofhisvexation，andwassoothinghimbytellinghimhowsoonweshouldallbeninety。
Aswesatunderthewillow—treeandatethecherries（fair，forAlicesharedthemout），weplayedatbeingninety。Nettiecomplainedthatshehadaboneinheroldback，anditmadeherhobble；andAlicesangasonginanoldwoman’sway，butitwasverypretty，andwewereallmerry。Atleast，Idon’tknowaboutmerryexactly，butallcomfortable。
Therewasamosttremendouslotofcherries；andAlicealwayshadwithhersomeneatlittlebagorboxorcase，toholdthings。Initthatnightwasatinywine—glass。SoAliceandNettiesaidtheywouldmakesomecherry—winetodrinkourloveatparting。
Eachofushadaglassful，anditwasdelicious；andeachofusdrankthetoast，’Ourloveatparting。’Thecoloneldrankhiswinelast；anditgotintomyheaddirectlythatitgotintohisdirectly。Anyhow，hiseyesrolledimmediatelyafterhehadturnedtheglassupsidedown；andhetookmeononesideandproposedinahoarsewhisper，thatweshould’Cut’emoutstill。’
’Howdidhemean？’Iaskedmylawlessfriend。
’Cutourbridesout，’saidthecolonel，’andthencutourway，withoutgoingdownasingleturning，bangtotheSpanishmain！’
Wemighthavetriedit，thoughIdidn’tthinkitwouldanswer；onlywelookedroundandsawthattherewasnothingbutmoon—lightunderthewillow—tree，andthatourpretty，prettywivesweregone。Weburstoutcrying。Thecolonelgaveinsecond，andcametofirst；
buthegaveinstrong。
Wewereashamedofourredeyes，andhungaboutforhalf—an—hourtowhitenthem。Likewiseapieceofchalkroundtherims，Idoingthecolonel’s，andhemine，butafterwardsfoundinthebedroomlooking—glassnotnatural，besidesinflammation。Ourconversationturnedonbeingninety。Thecoloneltoldmehehadapairofbootsthatwantedsolingandheeling；buthethoughtithardlyworthwhiletomentionittohisfather，ashehimselfshouldsosoonbeninety，whenhethoughtshoeswouldbemoreconvenient。Thecolonelalsotoldme，withhishanduponhiship，thathefelthimselfalreadygettingoninlife，andturningrheumatic。AndI
toldhimthesame。Andwhentheysaidatourhouseatsupper（theyarealwaysbotheringaboutsomething）thatIstooped，Ifeltsoglad！
Thisistheendofthebeginning—partthatyouweretobelievemost。
PARTII。—ROMANCE。FROMTHEPENOFMISSALICERAINBIRD（Agedseven。）
THEREwasonceaking，andhehadaqueen；andhewasthemanliestofhissex，andshewastheloveliestofhers。Thekingwas，inhisprivateprofession，undergovernment。Thequeen’sfatherhadbeenamedicalmanoutoftown。
Theyhadnineteenchildren，andwerealwayshavingmore。Seventeenofthesechildrentookcareofthebaby；andAlicia，theeldest，tookcareofthemall。Theiragesvariedfromsevenyearstosevenmonths。
Letusnowresumeourstory。
Onedaythekingwasgoingtotheoffice，whenhestoppedatthefishmonger’stobuyapoundandahalfofsalmonnottoonearthetail，whichthequeen（whowasacarefulhousekeeper）hadrequestedhimtosendhome。Mr。Pickles，thefishmonger，said，’Certainly，sir；isthereanyotherarticle？Good—morning。’
Thekingwentontowardstheofficeinamelancholymood；forquarter—daywassuchalongwayoff，andseveralofthedearchildrenweregrowingoutoftheirclothes。Hehadnotproceededfar，whenMr。Pickles’serrand—boycamerunningafterhim，andsaid，’Sir，youdidn’tnoticetheoldladyinourshop。’
’Whatoldlady？’inquiredtheking。’Isawnone。’
Nowthekinghadnotseenanyoldlady，becausethisoldladyhadbeeninvisibletohim，thoughvisibletoMr。Pickles’sboy。
Probablybecausehemessedandsplashedthewaterabouttothatdegree，andfloppedthepairsofsolesdowninthatviolentmanner，that，ifshehadnotbeenvisibletohim，hewouldhavespoiltherclothes。
Justthentheoldladycametrottingup。Shewasdressedinshot—
silkoftherichestquality，smellingofdriedlavender。
’KingWatkinstheFirst，Ibelieve？’saidtheoldlady。
’Watkins，’repliedtheking，’ismyname。’
’Papa，ifIamnotmistaken，ofthebeautifulPrincessAlicia？’
saidtheoldlady。
’Andofeighteenotherdarlings，’repliedtheking。
’Listen。Youaregoingtotheoffice，’saidtheoldlady。
Itinstantlyflasheduponthekingthatshemustbeafairy，orhowcouldsheknowthat？
’Youareright，’saidtheoldlady，answeringhisthoughts。’IamthegoodFairyGrandmarina。Attend！Whenyoureturnhometodinner，politelyinvitethePrincessAliciatohavesomeofthesalmonyouboughtjustnow。’
’Itmaydisagreewithher，’saidtheking。
Theoldladybecamesoveryangryatthisabsurdidea，thatthekingwasquitealarmed，andhumblybeggedherpardon。
’Wehearagreatdealtoomuchaboutthisthingdisagreeing，andthatthingdisagreeing，’saidtheoldlady，withthegreatestcontemptitwaspossibletoexpress。’Don’tbegreedy。Ithinkyouwantitallyourself。’
Thekinghunghisheadunderthisreproof，andsaidhewouldn’ttalkaboutthingsdisagreeinganymore。
’Begood，then，’saidtheFairyGrandmarina，’anddon’t。WhenthebeautifulPrincessAliciaconsentstopartakeofthesalmon，—asI
thinkshewill，—youwillfindshewillleaveafish—boneonherplate。Tellhertodryit，andtorubit，andtopolishittillitshineslikemother—of—pearl，andtotakecareofitasapresentfromme。’
’Isthatall？’askedtheking。
’Don’tbeimpatient，sir，’returnedtheFairyGrandmarina，scoldinghimseverely。’Don’tcatchpeopleshort，beforetheyhavedonespeaking。Justthewaywithyougrown—uppersons。Youarealwaysdoingit。’
Thekingagainhunghishead，andsaidhewouldn’tdosoanymore。
’Begood，then，’saidtheFairyGrandmarina，’anddon’t！TellthePrincessAlicia，withmylove，thatthefish—boneisamagicpresentwhichcanonlybeusedonce；butthatitwillbringher，thatonce，whatevershewishesfor，PROVIDEDSHEWISHESFORITAT
THERIGHTTIME。Thatisthemessage。Takecareofit。’
Thekingwasbeginning，’MightIaskthereason？’whenthefairybecameabsolutelyfurious。
’WILLyoubegood，sir？’sheexclaimed，stampingherfootontheground。’Thereasonforthis，andthereasonforthat，indeed！
Youarealwayswantingthereason。Noreason。There！Hoitytoityme！Iamsickofyourgrown—upreasons。’
Thekingwasextremelyfrightenedbytheoldlady’sflyingintosuchapassion，andsaidhewasverysorrytohaveoffendedher，andhewouldn’taskforreasonsanymore。
’Begood，then，’saidtheoldlady，’anddon’t！’
Withthosewords，Grandmarinavanished，andthekingwentonandonandon，tillhecametotheoffice。Therehewroteandwroteandwrote，tillitwastimetogohomeagain。ThenhepolitelyinvitedthePrincessAlicia，asthefairyhaddirectedhim，topartakeofthesalmon。Andwhenshehadenjoyeditverymuch，hesawthefish—boneonherplate，asthefairyhadtoldhimhewould，andhedeliveredthefairy’smessage，andthePrincessAliciatookcaretodrythebone，andtorubit，andtopolishit，tillitshonelikemother—of—pearl。
Andso，whenthequeenwasgoingtogetupinthemorning，shesaid，’O，dearme，dearme；myhead，myhead！’andthenshefaintedaway。
ThePrincessAlicia，whohappenedtobelookinginatthechamber—
door，askingaboutbreakfast，wasverymuchalarmedwhenshesawherroyalmammainthisstate，andsherangthebellforPeggy，whichwasthenameofthelordchamberlain。Butrememberingwherethesmelling—bottlewas，sheclimbedonachairandgotit；andafterthatsheclimbedonanotherchairbythebedside，andheldthesmelling—bottletothequeen’snose；andafterthatshejumpeddownandgotsomewater；andafterthatshejumpedupagainandwettedthequeen’sforehead；and，inshort，whenthelordchamberlaincamein，thatdearoldwomansaidtothelittleprincess，’Whatatrotyouare！Icouldn’thavedoneitbettermyself！’
Butthatwasnottheworstofthegoodqueen’sillness。O，no！
Shewasveryillindeed，foralongtime。ThePrincessAliciakepttheseventeenyoungprincesandprincessesquiet，anddressedandundressedanddancedthebaby，andmadethekettleboil，andheatedthesoup，andsweptthehearth，andpouredoutthemedicine，andnursedthequeen，anddidallthatevershecould，andwasasbusy，busy，busyasbusycouldbe；fortherewerenotmanyservantsatthatpalaceforthreereasons：becausethekingwasshortofmoney，becauseariseinhisofficeneverseemedtocome，andbecausequarter—daywassofaroffthatitlookedalmostasfaroffandaslittleasoneofthestars。
Butonthemorningwhenthequeenfaintedaway，wherewasthemagicfish—bone？Why，thereitwasinthePrincessAlicia’spocket！Shehadalmosttakenitouttobringthequeentolifeagain，whensheputitback，andlookedforthesmelling—bottle。
Afterthequeenhadcomeoutofherswoonthatmorning，andwasdozing，thePrincessAliciahurriedup—stairstotellamostparticularsecrettoamostparticularlyconfidentialfriendofhers，whowasaduchess。Peopledidsupposehertobeadoll；butshewasreallyaduchess，thoughnobodyknewitexcepttheprincess。
Thismostparticularsecretwasthesecretaboutthemagicfish—
bone，thehistoryofwhichwaswellknowntotheduchess，becausetheprincesstoldhereverything。Theprincesskneeleddownbythebedonwhichtheduchesswaslying，full—dressedandwideawake，andwhisperedthesecrettoher。Theduchesssmiledandnodded。
Peoplemighthavesupposedthatsheneversmiledandnodded；butsheoftendid，thoughnobodyknewitexcepttheprincess。
ThenthePrincessAliciahurrieddown—stairsagain，tokeepwatchinthequeen’sroom。Sheoftenkeptwatchbyherselfinthequeen’sroom；buteveryevening，whiletheillnesslasted，shesattherewatchingwiththeking。Andeveryeveningthekingsatlookingatherwithacrosslook，wonderingwhysheneverbroughtoutthemagicfish—bone。Asoftenasshenoticedthis，sheranup—
stairs，whisperedthesecrettotheduchessoveragain，andsaidtotheduchessbesides，’Theythinkwechildrenneverhaveareasonorameaning！’Andtheduchess，thoughthemostfashionableduchessthateverwasheardof，winkedhereye。
’Alicia，’saidtheking，oneevening，whenshewishedhimgood—
night。
’Yes，papa。’
’Whatisbecomeofthemagicfish—bone？’
’Inmypocket，papa！’
’Ithoughtyouhadlostit？’
’O，no，papa！’
’Orforgottenit？’
’No，indeed，papa。’
Andsoanothertimethedreadfullittlesnappingpug—dog，nextdoor，madearushatoneoftheyoungprincesashestoodonthestepscominghomefromschool，andterrifiedhimoutofhiswits；
andheputhishandthroughapaneofglass，andbled，bled，bled。
Whentheseventeenotheryoungprincesandprincessessawhimbleed，bleed，bleed，theywereterrifiedoutoftheirwitstoo，andscreamedthemselvesblackintheirseventeenfacesallatonce。
ButthePrincessAliciaputherhandsoveralltheirseventeenmouths，oneafteranother，andpersuadedthemtobequietbecauseofthesickqueen。Andthensheputthewoundedprince’shandinabasinoffreshcoldwater，whiletheystaredwiththeirtwiceseventeenarethirty—four，putdownfourandcarrythree，eyes，andthenshelookedinthehandforbitsofglass，andtherewerefortunatelynobitsofglassthere。Andthenshesaidtotwochubby—leggedprinces，whoweresturdythoughsmall，’Bringmeintheroyalrag—bag：Imustsnipandstitchandcutandcontrive。’
Sothesetwoyoungprincestuggedattheroyalrag—bag，andluggeditin；andthePrincessAliciasatdownonthefloor，withalargepairofscissorsandaneedleandthread，andsnippedandstitchedandcutandcontrived，andmadeabandage，andputiton，anditfittedbeautifully；andsowhenitwasalldone，shesawthekingherpapalookingonbythedoor。
’Alicia。’
’Yes，papa。’
’Whathaveyoubeendoing？’
’Snipping，stitching，cutting，andcontriving，papa。’
’Whereisthemagicfish—bone？’
’Inmypocket，papa。’
’Ithoughtyouhadlostit？’
’O，no，papa。’
’Orforgottenit？’
’No，indeed，papa。’
Afterthat，sheranup—stairstotheduchess，andtoldherwhathadpassed，andtoldherthesecretoveragain；andtheduchessshookherflaxencurls，andlaughedwithherrosylips。
Well！andsoanothertimethebabyfellunderthegrate。Theseventeenyoungprincesandprincesseswereusedtoit；fortheywerealmostalwaysfallingunderthegrateordownthestairs；butthebabywasnotusedtoityet，anditgavehimaswelledfaceandablackeye。Thewaythepoorlittledarlingcametotumblewas，thathewasoutofthePrincessAlicia’slapjustasshewassitting，inagreatcoarseapronthatquitesmotheredher，infrontofthekitchen—fire，beginningtopeeltheturnipsforthebrothfordinner；andthewayshecametobedoingthatwas，thattheking’scookhadrunawaythatmorningwithherowntruelove，whowasaverytallbutverytipsysoldier。Thentheseventeenyoungprincesandprincesses，whocriedateverythingthathappened，criedandroared。ButthePrincessAlicia（whocouldn’thelpcryingalittleherself）quietlycalledtothemtobestill，onaccountofnotthrowingbackthequeenup—stairs，whowasfastgettingwell，andsaid，’Holdyourtongues，youwickedlittlemonkeys，everyoneofyou，whileIexaminebaby！’Thensheexaminedbaby，andfoundthathehadn’tbrokenanything；andsheheldcoldirontohispoordeareye，andsmoothedhispoordearface，andhepresentlyfellasleepinherarms。Thenshesaidtotheseventeenprincesandprincesses，’Iamafraidtolethimdownyet，lestheshouldwakeandfeelpain；begood，andyoushallallbecooks。’Theyjumpedforjoywhentheyheardthat，andbeganmakingthemselvescooks’capsoutofoldnewspapers。Sotooneshegavethesalt—box，andtooneshegavethebarley，andtooneshegavetheherbs，andtooneshegavetheturnips，andtooneshegavethecarrots，andtooneshegavetheonions，andtooneshegavethespice—box，tilltheywereallcooks，andallrunningaboutatwork，shesittinginthemiddle，smotheredinthegreatcoarseapron，nursingbaby。Byandbythebrothwasdone；andthebabywokeup，smiling，likeanangel，andwastrustedtothesedatestprincesstohold，whiletheotherprincesandprincessesweresqueezedintoafar—offcornertolookatthePrincessAliciaturningoutthesaucepanfulofbroth，forfear（astheywerealwaysgettingintotrouble）theyshouldgetsplashedandscalded。Whenthebrothcametumblingout，steamingbeautifully，andsmellinglikeanosegaygoodtoeat，theyclappedtheirhands。Thatmadethebabyclaphishands；andthat，andhislookingasifhehadacomictoothache，madealltheprincesandprincesseslaugh。SothePrincessAliciasaid，’Laughandbegood；andafterdinnerwewillmakehimanestonthefloorinacorner，andheshallsitinhisnestandseeadanceofeighteencooks。’Thatdelightedtheyoungprincesandprincesses，andtheyateupallthebroth，andwashedupalltheplatesanddishes，andclearedaway，andpushedthetableintoacorner；andthentheyintheircooks’caps，andthePrincessAliciainthesmotheringcoarseapronthatbelongedtothecookthathadrunawaywithherowntruelovethatwastheverytallbutverytipsysoldier，dancedadanceofeighteencooksbeforetheangelicbaby，whoforgothisswelledfaceandhisblackeye，andcrowedwithjoy。
Andsothen，oncemorethePrincessAliciasawKingWatkinstheFirst，herfather，standinginthedoorwaylookingon，andhesaid，’Whathaveyoubeendoing，Alicia？’
’Cookingandcontriving，papa。’
’Whatelsehaveyoubeendoing，Alicia？’
’Keepingthechildrenlight—hearted，papa。’
’Whereisthemagicfish—bone，Alicia？
’Inmypocket，papa。’
’Ithoughtyouhadlostit？’
’O，no，papa！’
’Orforgottenit？’
’No，indeed，papa。’
Thekingthensighedsoheavily，andseemedsolow—spirited，andsatdownsomiserably，leaninghisheaduponhishand，andhiselbowuponthekitchen—tablepushedawayinthecorner，thattheseventeenprincesandprincessescreptsoftlyoutofthekitchen，andlefthimalonewiththePrincessAliciaandtheangelicbaby。
’Whatisthematter，papa？’
’Iamdreadfullypoor，mychild。’
’Haveyounomoneyatall，papa？’
’None，mychild。’
’Istherenowayofgettingany，papa？’
’Noway，’saidtheking。’Ihavetriedveryhard，andIhavetriedallways。’
Whensheheardthoselastwords，thePrincessAliciabegantoputherhandintothepocketwhereshekeptthemagicfish—bone。
’Papa，’saidshe，’whenwehavetriedveryhard，andtriedallways，wemusthavedoneourvery，verybest？’
’Nodoubt，Alicia。’
’Whenwehavedoneourvery，verybest，papa，andthatisnotenough，thenIthinktherighttimemusthavecomeforaskinghelpofothers。’Thiswastheverysecretconnectedwiththemagicfish—bone，whichshehadfoundoutforherselffromthegoodFairyGrandmarina’swords，andwhichshehadsooftenwhisperedtoherbeautifulandfashionablefriend，theduchess。
Soshetookoutofherpocketthemagicfish—bone，thathadbeendriedandrubbedandpolishedtillitshonelikemother—of—pearl；
andshegaveitonelittlekiss，andwisheditwasquarter—day。
AndimmediatelyitWASquarter—day；andtheking’squarter’ssalarycamerattlingdownthechimney，andbouncedintothemiddleofthefloor。
Butthiswasnothalfofwhathappened，—no，notaquarter；forimmediatelyafterwardsthegoodFairyGrandmarinacameridingin，inacarriageandfour（peacocks），withMr。Pickles’sboyupbehind，dressedinsilverandgold，withacocked—hat，powdered—
hair，pinksilkstockings，ajewelledcane，andanosegay。DownjumpedMr。Pickles’sboy，withhiscocked—hatinhishand，andwonderfullypolite（beingentirelychangedbyenchantment），andhandedGrandmarinaout；andthereshestood，inherrichshot—silksmellingofdriedlavender，fanningherselfwithasparklingfan。
’Alicia，mydear，’saidthischarmingoldfairy，’howdoyoudo？I
hopeIseeyouprettywell？Givemeakiss。’
ThePrincessAliciaembracedher；andthenGrandmarinaturnedtotheking，andsaidrathersharply，’Areyougood？’Thekingsaidhehopedso。
’IsupposeyouknowthereasonNOW，whymygod—daughterhere，’
kissingtheprincessagain，’didnotapplytothefish—bonesooner？’saidthefairy。
Thekingmadeashybow。
’Ah！butyoudidn’tTHEN？’saidthefairy。
Thekingmadeashyerbow。
’Anymorereasonstoaskfor？’saidthefairy。
Thekingsaid，No，andhewasverysorry。
’Begood，then，’saidthefairy，’andlivehappyeverafterwards。’
ThenGrandmarinawavedherfan，andthequeencameinmostsplendidlydressed；andtheseventeenyoungprincesandprincesses，nolongergrownoutoftheirclothes，camein，newlyfittedoutfromtoptotoe，withtucksineverythingtoadmitofitsbeingletout。Afterthat，thefairytappedthePrincessAliciawithherfan；andthesmotheringcoarseapronflewaway，andsheappearedexquisitelydressed，likealittlebride，withawreathoforange—
flowersandasilverveil。Afterthat，thekitchendresserchangedofitselfintoawardrobe，madeofbeautifulwoodsandgoldandlookingglass，whichwasfullofdressesofallsorts，allforherandallexactlyfittingher。Afterthat，theangelicbabycamein，runningalone，withhisfaceandeyenotabittheworse，butmuchthebetter。ThenGrandmarinabeggedtobeintroducedtotheduchess；and，whentheduchesswasbroughtdown，manycomplimentspassedbetweenthem。
Alittlewhisperingtookplacebetweenthefairyandtheduchess；
andthenthefairysaidoutloud，’Yes，Ithoughtshewouldhavetoldyou。’Grandmarinathenturnedtothekingandqueen，andsaid，’WearegoinginsearchofPrinceCertainpersonio。Thepleasureofyourcompanyisrequestedatchurchinhalfanhourprecisely。’SosheandthePrincessAliciagotintothecarriage；
andMr。Pickles’sboyhandedintheduchess，whosatbyherselfontheoppositeseat；andthenMr。Pickles’sboyputupthestepsandgotupbehind，andthepeacocksflewawaywiththeirtailsbehind。
PrinceCertainpersoniowassittingbyhimself，eatingbarley—sugar，andwaitingtobeninety。Whenhesawthepeacocks，followedbythecarriage，cominginatthewindowitimmediatelyoccurredtohimthatsomethinguncommonwasgoingtohappen。
’Prince，’saidGrandmarina，’Ibringyouyourbride。’Themomentthefairysaidthosewords，PrinceCertainpersonio’sfaceleftoffbeingsticky，andhisjacketandcorduroyschangedtopeach—bloomvelvet，andhishaircurled，andacapandfeatherflewinlikeabirdandsettledonhishead。Hegotintothecarriagebythefairy’sinvitation；andthereherenewedhisacquaintancewiththeduchess，whomhehadseenbefore。
Inthechurchweretheprince’srelationsandfriends，andthePrincessAlicia’srelationsandfriends，andtheseventeenprincesandprincesses，andthebaby，andacrowdoftheneighbours。Themarriagewasbeautifulbeyondexpression。Theduchesswasbridesmaid，andbeheldtheceremonyfromthepulpit，whereshewassupportedbythecushionofthedesk。
Grandmarinagaveamagnificentwedding—feastafterwards，inwhichtherewaseverythingandmoretoeat，andeverythingandmoretodrink。Thewedding—cakewasdelicatelyornamentedwithwhitesatinribbons，frostedsilver，andwhitelilies，andwasforty—twoyardsround。
WhenGrandmarinahaddrunkherlovetotheyoungcouple，andPrinceCertainpersoniohadmadeaspeech，andeverybodyhadcried，Hip，hip，hip，hurrah！Grandmarinaannouncedtothekingandqueenthatinfuturetherewouldbeeightquarter—daysineveryyear，exceptinleap—year，whentherewouldbeten。ShethenturnedtoCertainpersonioandAlicia，andsaid，’Mydears，youwillhavethirty—fivechildren，andtheywillallbegoodandbeautiful。
Seventeenofyourchildrenwillbeboys，andeighteenwillbegirls。Thehairofthewholeofyourchildrenwillcurlnaturally。
Theywillneverhavethemeasles，andwillhaverecoveredfromthewhooping—coughbeforebeingborn。’
Onhearingsuchgoodnews，everybodycriedout’Hip，hip，hip，hurrah！’again。
’Itonlyremains，’saidGrandmarinainconclusion，’tomakeanendofthefish—bone。’
SoshetookitfromthehandofthePrincessAlicia，anditinstantlyflewdownthethroatofthedreadfullittlesnappingpug—
dog，nextdoor，andchokedhim，andheexpiredinconvulsions。
PARTIII。—ROMANCE。FROMTHEPENOFLIEUT。—COL。ROBINREDFORTH
（Agednine。）