Woulditnot，George？Toturnthetablesonthem？"
　　"Yes，"saidI，"Ishouldliketohavethelaughagainstthem。"
　　"SowouldI，onlythatIshouldcompromisemyselfbytellingthestory。Itwouldn’tdoatalltohaveittoldatOxfordwithmynameattachedtoit。"
　　TothisalsoIassented。TowhatwouldInothaveassentedinmyanxietytomakehimhappyafterhismisery？
　　Butallwasnotoveryet。Hewasinbednow，butitwasnecessarythatheshouldriseagainonthemorrow。Athome，inEngland，whatwasrequiredmightperhapshavebeenmadeduringthenight；buthere，amongtheslowFlemings，anysuchexertionwouldhavebeenimpossible。Mr。Horne，moreover，hadnodesiretobetroubledinhisretirementbyatailor。
　　NowthelandlordoftheGoldenFleecewasaverystoutman，——averystoutmanindeed。Lookingathimashestoodwithhishandsinhispocketsattheportalofhisownestablishment，IcouldnotbutthinkthathewasstoutereventhanMr。Horne。Butthenhewascertainlymuchshorter，andthewantofdueproportionprobablyaddedtohisunwieldyappearance。Iwalkedroundhimonceortwicewishfully，measuringhiminmyeye，andthinkingofwhattexturemightbetheSundaybestofsuchaman。TheclotheswhichhethenhadonwerecertainlynotexactlysuitedtoMr。Horne’stastes。
　　HesawthatIwasobservinghim，andappeareduneasyandoffended。
　　IhadalreadyascertainedthathespokealittleEnglish。OfFlemishIknewliterallynothing，andinFrench，withwhichprobablyhewasalsoacquainted，Iwasbynomeansvoluble。ThebusinesswhichIhadtotransactwasintricate，andIrequiredtheuseofmymother—tongue。
　　Itwasintricateanddelicate，anddifficultwithal。Ibeganbyremarkingontheweather，buthedidnottakemyremarkskindly。I
　　aminclinedtofancythathethoughtIwasdesirousofborrowingmoneyfromhim。Atanyratehegavemenoencouragementinmyfirstadvances。
　　"Vatmisfortune？"atlastheasked，whenIhadsucceededinmakinghimunderstandthatagentlemanupstairsrequiredhisassistance。
　　"Hehaslostthesethings，"andItookholdofmyowngarments。
　　"It’salongstory，orI’dtellyouhow；buthehasnotapairintheworldtillhegetsbacktoBrussels，——unlessyoucanlendhimone。"
　　"Lostheesbr—？"andheopenedhiseyeswide，andlookedatmewithastonishment。
　　"Yes，yes，exactlyso，"saidI，interruptinghim。"Mostastonishingthing，isn’tit？Butit’squitetrue。"
　　"Vasheesmoneyindepocket？"askedmyauspiciouslandlord。
　　"No，no，no。It’snotsobadasthat，hismoneyisallright。I
　　hadthemoney，luckily。"
　　"Ah！datisbetter。Buthehavelostheesb—？"
　　"Yes，yes；"Iwasnowgettingratherimpatient。"Thereisnomistakeaboutit。Hehaslostthemassureasyoustandthere。"
　　AndthenIproceededtoexplainthatasthegentlemaninquestionwasverystout，andashe，thelandlord，wasstoatalso，hemightassistusinthisgreatcalamitybyaloanfromhisownwardrobe。
　　Whenhefoundthatthemoneywasnotinthepocket，andthathisbillthereforewouldbepaid，hewasnotindisposedtobegracious。
　　Hewould，hesaid，desirehisservanttotakeupwhatwasrequiredtoMr。Horne’schamber。Iendeavouredtomakehimunderstandthatasombrecolourwouldbepreferable；butheonlyansweredthathewouldputthebestthathehadatthegentleman’sdisposal。Hecouldnotthinkofofferinganythinglessthanhisbestonsuchanoccasion。Andthenheturnedhisbackandwenthisway，mutteringashewentsomethinginFlemish，whichIbelievedtobeanexclamationofastonishmentthatanymanshould，underanycircumstances，losesuchanarticle。
　　Itwasnowgettinglate；sowhenIhadtakenashortstrollbymyself，IwenttobedwithoutdisturbingMr。Horneagainthatnight。
　　OnthefollowingmorningIthoughtitbestnottogotohimunlesshesentforme；soIdesiredthebootstolethimknowthatIhadorderedbreakfastinaprivateroom，andthatIwouldawaithimthereunlesshewishedtoseeme。Hesentmewordbacktosaythathewouldbewithmeveryshortly。
　　Hedidnotkeepmewaitingabovehalfanhour，butIconfessthatthathalfhourwasnotpleasantlyspent。Ifearedthathistemperwouldbetriedindressing，andthathewouldnotbeabletoeathisbreakfastinahappystateofmind。SothatwhenIheardhisheavyfootstepadvancingalongthepassagemyheartdidmisgiveme，andI
　　feltthatIwastrembling。
　　Thatstepwascertainlyslowerandmoreponderousthanusual。Therewasalwaysacertaindignityintheverysoundofhismovements，butnowthisseemedtohavebeenenhanced。Tojudgemerelybythesteponewouldhavesaidthatabishopwascomingthatwayinsteadofaprebendary。
　　Andthenheentered。Intheupperhalfofhisaugustpersonnoalterationwasperceptible。Thehairwasasregularandasgracefulasever，thehandkerchiefaswhite，thecoatasimmaculate；butbelowhiswell—filledwaistcoatapairofredplushbegantoshineinunmitigatedsplendour，andcontinuedfromthencedowntowithinaninchabovehisknee；nor，asitappeared，couldanypullinginducethemtodescendlower。Mr。Hornealwaysworeblacksilkstockings，——atleastsotheworldsupposed，butitwasnowapparentthattheworldhadbeenwronginpresuminghimtobeguiltyofsuchextravagance。Those，atanyrate，whichheexhibitedonthepresentoccasionweremoreeconomical。Theyweresilktothecalf，butthenceupwardstheycontinuedtheircareerinwhitecotton。Thesethenfollowedtheplush；firsttwosnowy，full—sizedpillarsofwhite，andthentwojetcolumnsofflossysilk。Suchwastheappearance，onthatwell—rememberedmorning，oftheRev。AugustusHorne，asheenteredtheroominwhichhisbreakfastwasprepared。
　　Icouldseeataglancethatadarkfrowncontractedhiseyebrows，andthatthecompressedmusclesofhisupperlipgaveastrangedegreeofausteritytohisopenface。Hecarriedhisheadproudlyonhigh，determinedtobedignifiedinspiteofhismisfortunes，andadvancedtwostepsintotheroomwithoutaremark，asthoughhewereabletoshowthatneitherredplushnorblackclothcoulddisarrangetheequalpoiseofhismightymind！
　　Andafterallwhatareaman’sgarmentsbuttheoutwardhusksinwhichthefruitiskept，dulytemperedfromthewind？
　　"Therankisbuttheguineastamp，Theman’sthegowdfora’that。"
　　Andisnotthetailor’sartaslittleworthy，asinsignificantasthatofthekingwhomakes"Amarquis，duke，anda’that"？
　　Whowouldbecontenttothinkthathismanlydignitydependedonhiscoatandwaistcoat，orhisholdontheworld’sesteemonanyothergarmentofusualwear？ThatnosuchweaknesssoiledhismindMr。
　　Hornewasdeterminedtoprove；andthusheenteredtheroomwithmeasuredtread，andsterndignifieddemeanour。
　　Havingadvancedtwostepshiseyecaughtmine。Idonotknowwhetherhewasmovedbysomeunconscioussmileonmypart；——forintruthIendeavouredtoseemasindifferentashimselftothenatureofhisdress；——orwhetherhewasinvinciblytickledbysomeinwardfancyofhisown，butsuddenlyhisadvancingstepceased，abroadflashofcomichumourspreaditselfoverhisfeatures，heretreatedwithhisbackagainstthewall，andthenburstoutintoanimmoderateroarofloudlaughter。
　　AndI——whatelsecouldIthendobutlaugh？Helaughed，andI
　　laughed。Heroared，andIroared。Helifteduphisvastlegstoviewtilltheraysofthemorningsunshonethroughthewindowonthebrighthueswhichhedisplayed；andhedidnotsitdowntohisbreakfasttillhehadineveryfantasticattitudeshownofftothebestadvantagetheredplushofwhichhehadsorecentlybecomeproud。
　　AnAntwerpprivatecabrioletonthatdayreachedtheyardoftheHoteldeBelleVueatabout4p。m。，andfourwaiters，inafrenzyofastonishment，sawtheReverendAugustusHornedescendfromthevehicleandseekhischamberdressedinthegarmentswhichIhavedescribed。ButIaminclinedtothinkthatheneveragainfavouredanyofhisfriendswithsuchasight。
　　ItwasonthenexteveningafterthisthatIwentouttodrinkteawithtwomaidenladies，relativesofmine，whokeptaseminaryforEnglishgirlsatBrussels。TheMissesMacmanuswereveryworthywomen，andearnedtheirbreadinanupright，painstakingmanner。I
　　wouldnotforworldshavepassedthroughBrusselswithoutpayingthemthiscompliment。Theywere，however，perhapsalittledull，andIwasawarethatIshouldnotprobablymeetintheirdrawing—
　　roommanyofthefashionableinhabitantsofthecity。Mr。Hornehaddeclinedtoaccompanyme；butindoingsohewasgoodenoughtoexpressawarmadmirationforthecharacterofmyworthycousins。
　　TheelderMissMacmanus，inherlittlenote，hadinformedmethatshewouldhavethepleasureofintroducingmetoafewofmy"compatriots。"IpresumedshemeantEnglishmen；andasIwasinthehabitofmeetingsucheverydayofmylifeathome，IcannotsaythatIwaspeculiarlyelevatedbythepromise。When，however，I
　　enteredtheroom，therewasnoEnglishmanthere；——therewasnomanofanykind。Thereweretwelveladiescollectedtogetherwiththeviewofmakingtheeveningpassagreeablytome，thesinglevirilebeingamongthemall。IfeltasthoughIwereasortofMohammedinParadise；butIcertainlyfeltalsothattheParadisewasnoneofmyownchoosing。
　　InthecentreoftheamphitheatrewhichtheladiesformedsatthetwoMissesMacmanus；——there，atleast，theysatwhentheyhadcompletedtheprocessofshakinghandswithme。Totheleftofthem，makingonewingofthesemicircle，werearrangedthefivepupilsbyattendingtowhomtheMissesMacmanusearnedtheirliving；
　　andtheotherwingconsistedofthefiveladieswhohadfurnishedthemselveswithrelicsofGeneralChasse。Theyweremy"compatriots。"
　　Iwasintroducedtothemall，oneaftertheother；buttheirnamesdidnotabideinmymemoryonemoment。Iwasthinkingtoomuchofthesingularityoftheadventure，andcouldnotattendtosuchminutiae。Thatthered—rosedharpywasMissGrogram，thatI
　　remembered；——that，Imaysay，Ishallneverforget。ButwhetherthemotherlyladywiththesomewhatblowsyhairwasMrs。Jones，orMrs。
　　Green，orMrs。Walker，Icannotnowsay。ThedumpyfemalewiththebroadbackwasalwayscalledAuntSallybytheyoungladies。
　　Toomuchsugarspoilsone’stea；IthinkIhaveheardthatevenprosperitywillcloywhenitcomesinoverdoses；andaschoolboyhasbeenknowntobeoverdonewithjam。Imyselfhavealwaysbeenpeculiarlyattachedtoladies’society，andhaveavoidedbachelorpartiesasthingsexecrableintheirverynature。ButonthisspecialoccasionIfeltmyselftobethatschoolboy；——Iwasliterallyoverdonewithjam。Myteawasallsugar，sothatIcouldnotdrinkit。Iwasoneamongtwelve。WhatcouldIdoorsay？Theproportionofalloywastoosmalltohaveanyeffectinchangingthenatureofthevirginsilver，andtheconversationbecameabsolutelyfeminine。
　　Imustconfessalsothatmypreviousexperienceastothesecompatriotsofminehadnotprejudicedmeintheirfavour。I
　　regardedthemwith，——Iamashamedtosayso，seeingthattheywereladies，——butalmostwithloathing。WhenlastIhadseenthemtheiroccupationhadremindedmeofsomeobscenefeastofharpies，oralmostofghouls。TheyhadbroughtdowntothevergeofdesperationthemanwhomofallmenImostvenerated。OntheseaccountsIwasinclinedtobetaciturnwithreferencetothem；——andthenwhatcouldIhavetosaytotheMissesMacmanus’sfivepupils？
　　Mycousinatfirstmadeaneffortortwoinmyfavour，buttheseeffortswerefruitless。Isoondiedawayintoutterunrecognisedinsignificance，andtheconversation，asIhavebeforesaid，becamefeminine。AndindeedthathorridMissGrogram，whowas，asitwere，theprincessoftheghouls，nearlymonopolisedthewholeofit。
　　MammaJones——wewillcallherJonesfortheoccasion——putinawordnowandthen，asdidalsotheelderandmoreenergeticMissMacmanus。Thedumpyladywiththebroadbackatetea—cakeincessantly；thetwodaughterslookedscornful，asthoughtheywereabovetheircompanywithreferencetothefivepupils；andthefivepupilsthemselvessatinarowwiththeutmostpropriety，eachwithherhandscrossedonherlapbeforeher。
　　OfwhattheyweretalkingatlastIbecameutterlyoblivious。Theyhadignoredme，goingintorealmsofmuslin，questionsofmaid—
　　servants，femalerights，andcheapunder—clothing；andIthereforehadignoredthem。MymindhadgonebacktoMr。Horneandhisgarments。Whiletheyspokeoftheirrights，Iwasthinkingofhiswrongs；whentheymentionedthepriceofflannel，Ithoughtofthatofbroadcloth。
　　Butofasuddenmyattentionwasarrested。MissMacmanushadsaidsomethingoftheblacksilksofAntwerp，whenMissGrogramrepliedthatshehadjustreturnedfromthatcityandhadthereenjoyedagreatsuccess。Mycousinhadagainaskedsomethingabouttheblacksilks，thinking，nodoubt，thatMissGrogramhadachievedsomebargain，butthatladyhadsoonundeceivedher。
　　"Ohno，"saidMissGrogram，"itwasatthecastle。WegotsuchbeautifulrelicsofGeneralChasse！Didn’twe，Mrs。Jones？"
　　"Indeedwedid，"saidMrs。Jones，bringingoutfrombeneaththeskirtsofherdressandostensiblydisplayingalargeblackbag。
　　"AndI’vegotsuchabeautifulneedle—case，"saidthebroad—back，displayingherprize。"I’vebeenmakingitupallthemorning。"
　　AndshehandedoverthearticletoMissMacmanus。
　　"Andonlylookatthisduckofapen—wiper，"simperedflaxen—hairNo。2。"Onlythinkofwipingone’spenswithrelicsofGeneralChasse！"andshehandeditovertotheotherMissMacmanus。
　　"Andmine’sapin—cushion，"saidNo。1，exhibitingthetrophy。
　　"Butthat’snothingtowhatI’vegot，"saidMissGrogram。"Inthefirstplace，there’sapairofslippers，——abeautifulpair；——they’renotmadeupyet，ofcourse；andthen——"
　　ThetwoMissesMacmanusandtheirfivepupilsweresittingopen—
　　eared，open—eyed，andopen—mouthed。Howallthesesombre—lookingarticlescouldberelicsofGeneralChassedidnotatfirstappearcleartothem。
　　"Whatarethey，MissGrogram？"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，holdingtheneedle—caseinonehandandMrs。Jones’sbagintheother。MissMacmanuswasastrong—mindedfemale，andIreverencedmycousinwhenIsawthedecidedwayinwhichsheintendedtoputdownthegreedyarroganceofMissGrogram。
　　"Theyarerelics。"
　　"Butwheredotheycomefrom，MissGrogram？"
　　"Why，fromthecastle，tobesure；——fromGeneralChasse’sownrooms。"
　　"Didanybodysellthemtoyou？"
　　"No。"
　　"Orgivethemtoyou？"
　　"Why，no；——atleastnotexactlygive。"
　　"Theretheywere，andshetook’em，"saidthebroad—back。Oh，whatalookMissGrogramgaveher！"Tookthem！ofcourseItookthem。
　　Thatis，youtookthemasmuchasIdid。Theywerethingsthatwefoundlyingabout。"
　　"Whatthings？"askedMissMacmanus，inapeculiarlystrong—mindedtone。
　　MissGrogramseemedtobeforamomentsilenced。Ihadbeenignored，asIhavesaid，andmyexistenceforgotten；butnowI
　　observedthattheeyesoftheculpritswereturnedtowardsme，——theeyes，thatis，offourofthem。Mrs。Joneslookedatmefrombeneathherfan；thetwogirlsglancedatmefurtively，andthentheireyesfelltothelowestflouncesoftheirfrocks。
　　MissGrogramturnedherspectaclesrightuponme，andIfanciedthatshenoddedherheadatmeasasortofanswertoMissMacmanus。Thefivepupilsopenedtheirmouthsandeyeswider；butsheofthebroadbackwasnothingabashed。Itwouldhavebeennothingtoherhadtherebeenadozengentlemenintheroom。"Wejustfoundapairofblack——。"Thewholetruthwastoldintheplainestpossiblelanguage。
　　"Oh，AuntSally！""AuntSally，howcanyou？""Holdyourtongue，AuntSally！"
　　"AndthenMissGrogramjustcutthemupwithherscissors，"
　　continuedAuntSally，notawhitabashed，"andgaveuseachabit，onlyshetookmorethanhalfforherself。"Itwascleartomethattherehadbeensomequarrel，somedeliciousquarrel，betweenAuntSallyandMissGrogram。ThroughthewholeadventureIhadratherrespectedAuntSally。"Shetookmorethanhalfforherself，"
　　continuedAuntSally。"Shekeptallthe——"
　　"Jemima，"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，interruptingthespeakerandaddressinghersister，"itistime，Ithink，fortheyoungladiestoretire。Willyoubekindenoughtoseethemtotheirrooms？"Thefivepupilsthereuponrosefromtheirseats——andcourtesied。Theythenlefttheroominfile，theyoungerMissMacmanusshowingthemtheway。
　　"Butwehaven’tdoneanyharm，havewe？"askedMrs。Jones，withsometremulousnessinhervoice。
　　"Well，Idon’tknow，"saidMissMacmanus。"WhatI’mthinkingofnowisthis；——towhom，Iwonder，didthegarmentsproperlybelong？Whohadbeentheownerandwearerofthem？"
　　"Why，GeneralChasseofcourse，"saidMissGrogram。
　　"Theywerethegeneral’s，"repeatedthetwoyoungladies；blushing，however，astheyalludedtothesubject。
　　"Well，wethoughttheywerethegeneral’s，certainly；andaveryexcellentarticletheywere，"saidMrs。Jones。
　　"Perhapstheywerethebutler’s？"saidAuntSally。Icertainlyhadnotgivenhercreditforsomuchsarcasm。
　　"Butler’s！"exclaimedMissGrogram，withatossofherhead。
　　"Oh，AuntSally，AuntSally！howcanyou？"shriekedthetwoyoungladies。
　　"Ohlaws！"ejaculatedMrs。Jones。
　　"Idon’tthinkthattheycouldhavebelongedtothebutler，"saidMissMacmanus，withmuchauthority，"seeingthatdomesticsinthiscountryarenevercladingarmentsofthatdescription；sofarmyownobservationenablesmetospeakwithcertainty。ButitisequallysurethattheywereneverthepropertyofthegenerallatelyincommandatAntwerp。Generals，whentheyareinfulldress，wearornamentallaceupontheir——theirregimentals；andwhen——"Somuchshesaid，andsomethingmore，whichitmaybeunnecessarythatI
　　shouldrepeat；butsuchwerehereloquenceandlogicthatnodoubtwouldhavebeenleftonthemindofanyimpartialhearer。Ifanargumentativespeakereverprovedanything，MissMacmanusprovedthatGeneralChassehadneverbeenthewearerofthearticleinquestion。
　　"ButIknowverywelltheywerehis！"saidMissGrogram，whowasnotanimpartialhearer。"Ofcoursetheywere；whoseelse’sshouldtheybe？"
　　"I’msureIhopetheywerehis，"saidoneoftheyoungladies，almostcrying。
　　"IwishI’dnevertakenit，"saidtheother。
　　"Dear，dear，dear！"saidMrs。Jones。
　　"I’llgiveyoumyneedle—case，MissGrogram，"saidAuntSally。
　　Ihadsathithertosilentduringthewholescene，meditatinghowbestImightconfoundthered—nosedharpy。Now，Ithought，wasthetimeformetostrikein。
　　"Ireallythink，ladies，thattherehasbeensomemistake，"saidI。
　　"Therehasbeennomistakeatall，sir！"saidMissGrogram。
　　"Perhapsnot，"Ianswered，verymildly；"verylikelynot。ButsomeaffairofasimilarnaturewasverymuchtalkedaboutinAntwerpyesterday。"
　　"Ohlaws！"againejaculatedMrs。Jones。
　　"TheaffairIalludetohasbeentalkedaboutagooddeal，certainly，"Icontinued。"Butperhapsitmaybealtogetheradifferentcircumstance。"
　　"Andwhatmaybethecircumstancetowhichyouallude？"askedMissMacmanus，inthesameauthoritativetone。
　　"Idaresayithasnothingtodowiththeseladies，"saidI；"butanarticleofdress，ofthenaturetheyhavedescribed，wascutupintheCastleofAntwerponthedaybeforeyesterday。Itbelongedtoagentlemanwhowasvisitingtheplace；andIwasgiventounderstandthatheisdeterminedtopunishthepeoplewhohavewrongedhim。"
　　"Itcan’tbethesame，"saidMissGrogram；butIcouldseethatshewastrembling。
　　"Ohlaws！whatwillbecomeofus？"saidMrs。Jones。
　　"YoucanallprovethatIdidn’ttouchthem，andthatIwarnedhernot，"saidAuntSally。Inthemeantimethetwoyoungladieshadalmostfaintedbehindtheirfans。
　　"Buthowhaditcometopass，"askedMissMacmanus，"thatthegentlemanhad——"
　　"Iknownothingmoreaboutit，cousin，"saidI；"onlyitdoesseemthatthereisanoddcoincidence。"
　　ImmediatelyafterthisItookmyleave。IsawthatIhadavengedmyfriend，andspreaddismayintheheartsofthesewhohadinjuredhim。Ihadlearnedinthecourseoftheeveningatwhathotelthefiveladieswerestaying；andinthecourseofthenextmorningI
　　saunteredintothehall，andfindingoneoftheportersalone，askediftheywerestillthere。Themantoldmethattheyhadstartedbytheearliestdiligence。"And，"saidhe，"ifyouareafriendoftheirs，perhapsyouwilltakechargeofthesethings，whichtheyhaveleftbehindthem？"Sosaying，hepointedtoatableatthebackofthehall，onwhichwerelyingtheblackbag，theblackneedle—case，theblackpincushion，andtheblackpen—wiper。TherewasalsoaheapoffragmentsofclothwhichIwellknewhadbeenintendedbyMissGrogramforthecomfortofherfeetandancles。
　　Ideclinedthecommission，however。"Theywerenospecialfriendsofmine，"Isaid；andIleftalltherelicsstilllyingonthelittletableinthebackhall。
　　"Uponthewhole，Iamsatisfied！"saidtheRev。AugustusHorne，whenItoldhimthefinaleofthestory。