Iknewtherewasnomarryingwithoutentirely
　　concealingthatIhadhadachild，forhewouldsoonhave
　　discoveredbytheageofitthatitwasborn，nay，andgotten
　　too，sincemyparleywithhim，andthatwouldhavedestroyed
　　alltheaffair。
　　Butittouchedmyheartsoforciblytothinkofpartingentirely
　　withthechild，and，foraughtIknew，ofhavingitmurdered，
　　orstarvedbyneglectandill-usagewhichwasmuchthesame，
　　thatIcouldnotthinkofitwithouthorror。
　　Iwishallthose
　　womenwhoconsenttothedisposingtheirchildrenoutofthe
　　way，asitiscalled，fordecencysake，wouldconsiderthat’tis
　　onlyacontrivedmethodformurder；thatistosay，a-killing
　　theirchildrenwithsafety。
　　Itismanifesttoallthatunderstandanythingofchildren，that
　　wearebornintotheworldhelpless，andincapableeitherto
　　supplyourownwantsorsomuchasmakethemknown；and
　　thatwithouthelpwemustperish；andthishelprequiresnot
　　onlyanassistinghand，whetherofthemotherorsomebody
　　else，buttherearetwothingsnecessaryinthatassisting
　　hand，
　　thatis，careandskill；withoutbothwhich，halfthechildren
　　thatarebornwoulddie，nay，thoughttheywerenottobe
　　deniedfood；andonehalfmoreofthosethatremainedwould
　　becripplesorfools，losetheirlimbs，andperhapstheirsense。
　　Iquestionnotbutthatthesearepartlythereasonswhyaffection
　　wasplacedbynatureintheheartsofmotherstotheirchildren；
　　withoutwhichtheywouldneverbeabletogivethemselvesup，
　　as’tisnecessarytheyshould，tothecareandwakingpains
　　needfultothesupportoftheirchildren。
　　Sincethiscareisneedfultothelifeofchildren，toneglectthem
　　istomurderthem；again，togivethemuptobemanagedby
　　thosepeoplewhohavenoneofthatneedfulaffectionplaced
　　bynatureinthem，istoneglecttheminthehighestdegree；nay，
　　insomeitgoesfarther，andisaneglectinordertotheirbeing
　　lost；sothat’tisevenanintentionalmurder，whetherthechild
　　livesordies。
　　Allthosethingsrepresentedthemselvestomyview，andthat
　　istheblackestandmostfrightfulform:
　　andasIwasveryfree
　　withmygoverness，whomIhadnowlearnedtocallmother，
　　IrepresentedtoherallthedarkthoughtswhichIhadupon
　　meaboutit，andtoldherwhatdistressIwasin。
　　Sheseemed
　　graverbymuchatthispartthanattheother；butasshewas
　　hardenedinthesethingsbeyondallpossibilityofbeingtouched
　　withthereligiouspart，andthescruplesaboutthemurder，so
　　shewasequallyimpenetrableinthatpartwhichrelatedto
　　affection。
　　Sheaskedmeifshehadnotbeencarefulandtender
　　tomeinmylyingin，asifIhadbeenherownchild。
　　Itoldher
　　Iownedshehad。
　　’Well，mydear，’saysshe，’andwhenyou
　　aregone，whatareyoutome？
　　Andwhatwoulditbetome
　　ifyouweretobehanged？
　　Doyouthinktherearenotwomen
　　who，asitistheirtradeandtheygettheirbreadbyit，value
　　themselvesupontheirbeingascarefulofchildrenastheirown
　　motherscanbe，andunderstanditratherbetter？
　　Yes，yes，
　　child，’saysshe，’fearitnot；howwerewenursedourselves？
　　Areyousureyouwasnursedupbyyourownmother？and
　　yetyoulookfatandfair，child，’saystheoldbeldam；andwith
　　thatshestrokedmeovertheface。
　　’Neverbeconcerned，child，’
　　saysshe，goingoninherdrollingway；’Ihavenomurderers
　　aboutme；Iemploythebestandthehonestestnursesthatcan
　　behad，andhaveasfewchildrenmiscarryundertheirhands
　　astherewouldiftheywereallnursedbymothers；wewant
　　neithercarenorskill。’
　　ShetouchedmetothequickwhensheaskedifIwassure
　　thatIwasnursedbymyownmother；onthecontraryIwas
　　sureIwasnot；andItrembled，andlookedpaleatthevery
　　expression。
　　’Sure，’saidItomyself，’thiscreaturecannotbe
　　awitch，orhaveanyconversationwithaspirit，thatcaninform
　　herwhatwasdonewithmebeforeIwasabletoknowitmyself’；
　　andIlookedatherasifIhadbeenfrightened；butreflecting
　　thatitcouldnotbepossibleforhertoknowanythingabout
　　me，thatdisorderwentoff，andIbegantobeeasy，butitwas
　　notpresently。
　　SheperceivedthedisorderIwasin，butdidnotknowthe
　　meaningofit；sosheranoninherwildtalkupontheweakness
　　ofmysupposingthatchildrenweremurderedbecausethey
　　werenotallnursedbythemother，andtopersuademethat
　　thechildrenshedisposedofwereaswellusedasifthemothers
　　hadthenursingofthemthemselves。
　　’Itmaybetrue，mother，’saysI，’foraughtIknow，butmy
　　doubtsareverystronglygroundedindeed。’
　　’Come，then，’says
　　she，’let’shearsomeofthem。’
　　’Why，first，’saysI，’yougive
　　apieceofmoneytothesepeopletotakethechildoffthe
　　parent’shands，andtotakecareofitaslongasitlives。
　　Now
　　weknow，mother，’saidI，’thatthosearepoorpeople，and
　　theirgainconsistsinbeingquitofthechargeassoonasthey
　　can；howcanIdoubtbutthat，asitisbestforthemtohave
　　thechilddie，theyarenotoversolicitousaboutlife？’
　　’Thisisallvapoursandfancy，’saystheoldwoman；’Itellyou
　　theircreditdependsuponthechild’slife，andtheyareascareful
　　asanymotherofyouall。’
　　’Omother，’saysI，’ifIwasbutsuremylittlebabywouldbe
　　carefullylookedto，andhavejusticedoneit，Ishouldbehappy
　　indeed；butitisimpossibleIcanbesatisfiedinthatpoint
　　unlessIsawit，andtoseeitwouldberuinanddestructionto
　　me，asnowmycasestands；sowhattodoIknownot。’
　　’Afinestory！’saysthegoverness。
　　’Youwouldseethechild，
　　andyouwouldnotseethechild；youwouldbeconcealedand
　　discoveredbothtogether。
　　Thesearethingsimpossible，my
　　dear；soyoumuste’endoasotherconscientiousmothershave
　　donebeforeyou，andbecontentedwiththingsastheymustbe，
　　thoughtheyarenotasyouwishthemtobe。’
　　Iunderstoodwhatshemeantbyconscientiousmothers；she
　　wouldhavesaidconscientiouswhores，butshewasnotwilling
　　todisobligeme，forreallyinthiscaseIwasnotawhore，
　　becauselegallymarried，theforceofformermarriageexcepted。
　　However，letmebewhatIwould，Iwasnotcomeuptothat
　　pitchofhardnesscommontotheprofession；Imean，tobe
　　unnatural，andregardlessofthesafetyofmychild；andI
　　preservedthishonestaffectionsolong，thatIwasuponthe
　　pointofgivingupmyfriendatthebank，wholaysohardat
　　metocometohimandmarryhim，that，inshort，therewas
　　hardlyanyroomtodenyhim。
　　Atlastmyoldgovernesscametome，withherusualassurance。
　　’Come，mydear，’saysshe，’Ihavefoundoutawayhowyou
　　shallbeatacertaintythatyourchildshallbeusedwell，and
　　yetthepeoplethattakecareofitshallneverknowyou，or
　　whothemotherofthechildis。’
　　’Ohmother，’saysI，’ifyoucandoso，youwillengagemeto
　　youforever。’
　　’Well，’saysshe，’areyouwillingtobeasome
　　smallannualexpense，morethanwhatweusuallygivetothe
　　peoplewecontractwith？’
　　’Ay，’saysI，’withallmyheart，
　　providedImaybeconcealed。’
　　’Astothat，’saysthegoverness，
　　’youshallbesecure，forthenurseshallneversomuchasdare
　　toinquireaboutyou，andyoushallonceortwiceayeargo
　　withmeandseeyourchild，andseehow’tisused，andbe
　　satisfiedthatitisingoodhands，nobodyknowingwhoyouare。’
　　’Why，’saidI，’doyouthink，mother，thatwhenIcometosee
　　mychild，Ishallbeabletoconcealmybeingthemotherofit？
　　Doyouthinkthatpossible？’
　　’Well，well，’saysmygoverness，’ifyoudiscoverit，thenurse
　　shallbeneverthewiser；forsheshallbeforbidtoaskany
　　questionsaboutyou，ortotakeanynotice。
　　Ifsheoffersit，
　　sheshalllosethemoneywhichyouaresupposetogiveher，
　　andthechildshallbetakenfromhertoo。’
　　Iwasverywellpleasedwiththis。
　　Sothenextweeka
　　countrywomanwasbroughtfromHertford，orthereabouts，
　　whowastotakethechildoffourhandsentirelyfor#10in
　　money。
　　ButifIwouldallow#5ayearmoreofher，shewould
　　beobligedtobringthechildtomygoverness’shouseasoften
　　aswedesired，orweshouldcomedownandlookatit，andsee
　　howwellsheusedit。
　　Thewomanwasverywholesome-looking，alikelywoman，
　　acottager’swife，butshehadverygoodclothesandlinen，and
　　everythingwellabouther；andwithaheavyheartandmanya
　　tear，Iletherhavemychild。
　　IhadbeendownatHertford，and
　　lookedatherandatherdwelling，whichIlikedwellenough；
　　andIpromisedhergreatthingsifshewouldbekindtothe
　　child，sosheknewatfirstwordthatIwasthechild’smother。
　　Butsheseemedtobesomuchoutoftheway，andtohaveno
　　roomtoinquireafterme，thatIthoughtIwassafeenough。
　　So，inshort，Iconsentedtoletherhavethechild，andIgave
　　her#10；thatistosay，Igaveittomygoverness，whogaveit
　　thepoorwomanbeforemyface，sheagreeingnevertoreturn
　　thechildbacktome，ortoclaimanythingmoreforitskeeping
　　orbringingup；onlythatIpromised，ifshetookagreatdeal
　　ofcareofit，IwouldgivehersomethingmoreasoftenasI
　　cametoseeit；sothatIwasnotboundtopaythe#5，only
　　thatIpromisedmygovernessIwoulddoit。
　　Andthusmy
　　greatcarewasover，afteramanner，whichthoughitdidnot
　　atallsatisfymymind，yetwasthemostconvenientforme，
　　asmyaffairsthenstood，ofanythatcouldbethoughtofat
　　thattime。
　　Ithenbegantowritetomyfriendatthebankinamorekindly
　　style，andparticularlyaboutthebeginningofJulyIsenthima
　　letter，thatIproposedtobeintownsometimeinAugust。