consequence;but,however,thatshewouldtalkwithme,and
lethimknowmyanswer,usingatthesametimesomearguments
topersuadehimnottodesireit,andthatitcouldbeofno
servicetohim,seeingshehopedhehadnodesiretorenewa
correspondencewithme,andthatonmyaccountitwasakind
ofputtingmylifeinhishands。
Hetoldherhehadagreatdesiretoseeme,thathewould
giveheranyassurancesthatwereinhispower,nottotake
anyadvantagesofme,andthatinthefirstplacehewouldgive
meageneralreleasefromalldemandsofanykind。
Sheinsisted
howitmighttendtoafurtherdivulgingthesecret,andmight
intheendbeinjurioustohim,entreatinghimnottopressfor
it;soatlength
hedesisted。
Theyhadsomediscourseuponthesubjectofthethingshehad
lost,andheseemedtobeverydesirousofhisgoldwatch,and
toldherifshecouldprocurethatforhim,hewouldwillingly
giveasmuchforitasitwasworth。
Shetoldhimshewould
endeavourtoprocureitforhim,andleavethevaluingitto
himself。
Accordinglythenextdayshecarriedthewatch,andhegave
herthirtyguineasforit,whichwasmorethanIshouldhave
beenabletomakeofit,thoughitseemsitcostmuchmore。
Hespokesomethingofhisperiwig,whichitseemscosthim
threescoreguineas,andhissnuff-box,andinafewdaysmore
shecarriedthemtoo;whichobligedhimverymuch,andhe
gaveherthirtymore。
ThenextdayIsenthimhisfinesword
andcanegratis,anddemandednothingofhim,butIhadno
mindtoseehim,unlessithadbeensothathemightbesatisfied
Iknewwhohewas,whichhewasnotwillingto。
Thenheenteredintoalongtalkwithherofthemannerhow
shecametoknowallthismatter。
Sheformedalongtaleof
thatpart;howshehaditfromonethatIhadtoldthewhole
storyto,andthatwastohelpmedisposeofthegoods;and
thisconfidantebroughtthethingstoher,shebeingbyprofession
apawnbroker;andshehearingofhisworship’sdisaster,guessed
atthethingingeneral;thathavinggottenthethingsintoher
hands,shehadresolvedtocomeandtryasshehaddone。
She
thengavehimrepeatedassurancesthatitshouldnevergoout
ofhermouth,andthoughsheknewthewomanverywell,yet
shehadnotletherknow,meaningme,anythingofit;thatis
tosay,whothepersonwas,which,bytheway,wasfalse;but,
however,itwasnottohisdamage,forIneveropenedmy
mouthofittoanybody。
Ihadagreatmanythoughtsinmyheadaboutmyseeinghim
again,andwasoftensorrythatIhadrefusedit。
Iwaspersuaded
thatifIhadseenhim,andlethimknowthatIknewhim,I
shouldhavemadesomeadvantageofhim,andperhapshave
hadsomemaintenancefromhim;andthoughitwasalife
wickedenough,yetitwasnotsofullofdangerasthisIwas
engagedin。
However,thosethoughtsworeoff,andIdeclined
seeinghimagain,forthattime;butmygovernesssawhim
often,andhewasverykindtoher,givinghersomethingalmost
everytimehesawher。
Onetimeinparticularshefoundhim
verymerry,andasshethoughthehadsomewineinhishead,
andhepressedheragainveryearnestlytolethimseethat
womanthat,ashesaid,hadbewitchedhimsothatnight,my
governess,whowasfromthebeginningformyseeinghim,
toldhimhewassodesirousofitthatshecouldalmostyield
ofit,ifshecouldprevailuponme;addingthatifhewould
pleasetocometoherhouseintheevening,shewould
endeavourit,uponhisrepeatedassurancesofforgettingwhat
waspast。
Accordinglyshecametome,andtoldmeallthediscourse;
inshort,shesoonbiassedmetoconsent,inacasewhichIhad
someregretinmymindfordecliningbefore;soIpreparedto
seehim。
Idressedmetoalltheadvantagepossible,Iassure
you,andforthefirsttimeusedalittleart;Isayforthefirst
time,forIhadneveryieldedtothebasenessofpaintbefore,
havingalwayshadvanityenoughtobelieveIhadnoneedofit。
Atthehourappointedhecame;andassheobservedbefore,
soitwasplainstill,thathehadbeendrinking,thoughveryfar
fromwhatwecallbeingindrink。
Heappearedexceeding
pleasedtoseeme,andenteredintoalongdiscoursewithme
upontheoldaffair。
Ibeggedhispardonveryoftenformy
shareofit,protestedIhadnotanysuchdesignwhenfirstI
methim,thatIhadnotgoneoutwithhimbutthatItookhim
foraverycivilgentleman,andthathemademesomany
promisesofofferingnouncivilitytome。
Heallegedthewinehedrank,andthathescarceknewwhat
hedid,andthatifithadnotbeenso,Ishouldneverhavelet
himtakethefreedomwithmethathehaddone。
Heprotested
tomethathenevertouchedanywomanbutmesincehewas
marriedtohiswife,anditwasasurpriseuponhim;complimented
meuponbeingsoparticularlyagreeabletohim,andthelike;
andtalkedsomuchofthatkind,tillIfoundhehadtalked
himselfalmostintoatempertodothesamethingoveragain。
ButItookhimupshort。
IprotestedIhadneversufferedany
mantotouchmesincemyhusbanddied,whichwasneareight
years。
Hesaidhebelievedittobesotruly;andaddedthat
madamhadintimatedasmuchtohim,andthatitwashis
opinionofthatpartwhichmadehidesiretoseemeagain;and
thatsincehehadoncebrokeinuponhisvirtuewithme,and
foundnoillconsequences,hecouldbesafeinventuringthere
again;andso,inshort,itwentontowhatIexpected,andto
whatwillnotbearrelating。
Myoldgovernesshadforeseenit,aswellasI,andtherefore
ledhimintoaroomwhichhadnotabedinit,andyethada
chamberwithinitwhichhadabed,whitherwewithdrewfor
therestofthenight;and,inshort,aftersometimebeing
together,hewenttobed,andlaythereallnight。
Iwithdrew,
butcameagainundressedinthemorning,beforeitwasday,
andlaywithhimtherestofthetime。
Thus,yousee,havingcommittedacrimeonceisasadhandle
tothecommittingofitagain;whereasalltheregretand
reflectionswearoffwhenthetemptationrenewsitself。
Had
Inotyieldedtoseehimagain,thecorruptdesireinhimhad
wornoff,and’tisveryprobablehehadneverfallenintoit
withanybodyelse,asIreallybelievehehadnotdonebefore。
Whenhewentaway,ItoldhimIhopedhewassatisfiedhe
hadnotbeenrobbedagain。
Hetoldmehewassatisfiedin
thatpoint,andcouldtrustmeagain,andputtinghishandin
hispocket,gavemefiveguineas,whichwasthefirstmoney
Ihadgainedthatwayformanyyears。
Ihadseveralvisitsofthelikekindfromhim,buthenever
cameintoasettledwayofmaintenance,whichwaswhatI
wouldhavebestpleasedwith。
Once,indeed,heaskedme
howIdidtolive。
Iansweredhimprettyquick,thatIassured
himIhadnevertakenthatcoursethatItookwithhim,but
thatindeedIworkedatmyneedle,andcouldjustmaintain
myself;thatsometimeitwasasmuchasIwasabletodo,and
Ishiftedhardenough。
Heseemedtoreflectuponhimselfthatheshouldbethefirst
persontoleadmeintothat,whichheassuredmehenever
intendedtodohimself;andittouchedhimalittle,hesaid,
thatheshouldbethecauseofhisownsinandminetoo。
He
wouldoftenmakejustreflectionsalsouponthecrimeitself,
andupontheparticularcircumstancesofitwithrespectto
himself;howwineintroducedtheinclinationshowthedevil
ledhimtotheplace,andfoundoutanobjecttotempthim,
andhemadethemoralalwayshimself。
Whenthesethoughtswereuponhimhewouldgoaway,and
perhapsnotcomeagaininamonth’stimeorlonger;butthen
astheseriouspartworeoff,thelewdpartwouldwearin,and
thenhecamepreparedforthewickedpart。
Thuswelivedfor
sometime;thoughthedidnotkeep,astheycallit,yethe
neverfaileddoingthingsthatwerehandsome,andsufficient
tomaintainmewithoutworking,and,whichwasbetter,
withoutfollowingmyoldtrade。
Butthisaffairhaditsendtoo;forafteraboutayear,Ifound
thathedidnotcomesooftenasusual,andatlastheleftif
offaltogetherwithoutanydisliketobiddingadieu;andso
therewasanendofthatshortsceneoflife,whichaddedno
greatstoretome,onlytomakemoreworkforrepentance。
However,duringthisintervalIconfinedmyselfprettymuch
athome;atleast,beingthusprovidedfor,Imadenoadventures,
no,notforaquarterofayearafterheleftme;butthenfinding
thefundfail,andbeinglothtospenduponthemainstock,I
begantothinkofmyoldtrade,andtolookabroadintothe
streetagain;andmyfirststepwasluckyenough。
Ihaddressedmyselfupinaverymeanhabit,forasIhad
severalshapestoappearin,Iwasnowinanordinarystuff-gown,
ablueapron,andastrawhatandIplacedmyselfatthedoor
oftheThreeCupsInninSt。JohnStreet。
Therewereseveral
carriersusedtheinn,andthestage-coachesforBarnet,for
Totteridge,andothertownsthatwaystoodalwaysinthestreet
intheevening,whentheypreparedtosetout,sothatIwas
readyforanythingthatoffered,foreitheroneorother。
The
meaningwasthis;peoplecomefrequentlywithbundlesand
smallparcelstothoseinns,andcallforsuchcarriersorcoaches
astheywant,tocarrythemintothecountry;andtheregenerally
attendwomen,porters’wivesordaughters,readytotakein
suchthingsfortheirrespectivepeoplethatemploythem。
IthappenedveryoddlythatIwasstandingattheinngate,and
awomanthathadstoodtherebefore,andwhichwasthe
porter’swifebelongingtotheBarnetstage-coach,having
observedme,askedifIwaitedforanyofthecoaches。