`Heprotestedhedidnotthinkofsavinghimself。Theonlydistinctthoughtformed，vanishing，andre-forminginhisbrain，was：eighthundredpeopleandsevenboats；eighthundredpeopleandsevenboats。
　　“`Somebodywasspeakingaloudinsidemyhead，“hesaidalittlewildly。
　　“Eighthundredpeopleandsevenboats——andnotime!Justthinkofit。“
　　Heleanedtowardsmeacrossthelittletable，andItriedtoavoidhisstare。“DoyouthinkIwasafraidofdeath？“heaskedinavoiceveryfierceandlow。Hebroughtdownhisopenhandwithabangthatmadethecoffee-cupsdance。“IamreadytoswearIwasnot——Iwasnot……ByGod——no!“Hehitchedhimselfuprightandcrossedhisarms；hischinfellonhisbreast。
　　`Thesoftclashesofcrockeryreachedusfaintlythroughthehighwindows。
　　Therewasaburstofvoices，andseveralmencameoutinhighgood-humourintothegallery。TheywereexchangingjocularreminiscencesofthedonkeysinCairo。Apaleanxiousyouthsteppingsoftlyonlonglegswasbeingchaffedbyastruttingandrubicundglobe-trotterabouthispurchasesinthebazaar。
　　“No，really——doyouthinkI’vebeendonetothatextent？“heinquiredveryearnestanddeliberate。Thebandmovedaway，droppingintochairsastheywent；matchesflared，illuminatingforasecondfaceswithouttheghostofanexpressionandtheflatglazeofwhiteshirt-fronts；thehumofmanyconversationsanimatedwiththeardouroffeastingsoundedtomeabsurdandinfinitelyremote。
　　“`Someofthecrewweresleepingonthenumberonehatchwithinreachofmyarm，“beganJimagain。
　　`YoumustknowtheykeptKalasheewatchinthatship，allhandssleepingthroughthenight，andonlythereliefsofquarter-mastersandlook-outmenbeingcalled。Hewastemptedtogripandshaketheshoulderofthenearestlascar，buthedidn’t。Somethingheldhisarmsdownalonghissides。
　　Hewasnotafraid——ohno!onlyhejustcouldn’t——that’sall。Hewasnotafraidofdeathperhaps，butI’lltellyouwhat，hewasafraidoftheemergency。
　　Hisconfoundedimaginationhadevokedforhimallthehorrorsofpanic，thetramplingrush，thepitifulscreams，boatsswamped——alltheappallingincidentsofadisasteratseahehadeverheardof。Hemighthavebeenresignedtodie，butIsuspecthewantedtodiewithoutaddedterrors，quietly，inasortofpeacefultrance。Acertainreadinesstoperishisnotsoveryrare，butitisseldomthatyoumeetmenwhosesouls，steeledintheimpenetrablearmourofresolution，arereadytofightalosingbattletothelast，thedesireofpeacewaxesstrongerashopedeclines，tillatlastitconquerstheverydesireoflife。Whichofusherehasnotobservedthis，ormaybeexperiencedsomethingofthatfeelinginhisownperson——thisextremewearinessofemotions，thevanityofeffort，theyearningforrest？
　　Thosestrivingwithunreasonableforcesknowitwell——theshipwreckedcastawaysinboats，wandererslostinadesert，menbattlingagainsttheunthinkingmightofnature，orthestupidbrutalityofcrowds。’
　　LordJim：Chapter8CHAPTERVIII`HOWlonghestoodstock-stillbythehatchexpectingeverymomenttofeeltheshipdipunderhisfeetandtherushofwatertotakehimatthebackandtosshimlikeachip，Icannotsay。Notverylong——twominutesperhaps。Acoupleofmenhecouldnotmakeoutbegantoconversedrowsily，andalso，hecouldnottellwhere，hedetectedacuriousnoiseofshufflingfeet。Abovethesefaintsoundstherewasthatawfulstillnessprecedingacatastrophe，thattryingsilenceofthemomentbeforethecrash；thenitcameintohisheadperhapshewouldhavetimetorushalongandcutallthelanyardsofthegripes，sothattheboatswouldfloatoffastheshipwentdown。
　　`ThePatnahadalongbridge，andalltheboatswereupthere，fourononesideandthreeontheother——thesmallestofthemontheportsideandnearlyabreastofthesteeringgear。Heassuredme，withevidentanxietytobebelieved，thathehadbeenmostcarefultokeepthemreadyforinstantservice。Heknewhisduty。Idaresayhewasagoodenoughmateasfarasthatwent。“Ialwaysbelievedinbeingpreparedfortheworst，“hecommented，staringanxiouslyinmyface。Inoddedmyapprovalofthesoundprinciple，avertingmyeyesbeforethesubtleunsoundnessoftheman。
　　`Hestartedunsteadilytorun。Hehadtostepoverlegs，avoidstumblingagainsttheheads。Suddenlysomeonecaughtholdofhiscoatfrombelow，andadistressedvoicespokeunderhiselbow。Thelightofthelamphecarriedinhisrighthandfelluponanupturneddarkfacewhoseeyesentreatedhimtogetherwithavoice。Hehadpickedupenoughofthelanguagetounderstandthewordwater，repeatedseveraltimesinatoneofinsistence，ofprayer，almostofdespair。Hegaveajerktogetaway，andfeltanarmembracehisleg。
　　“`Thebeggarclungtomelikeadrowningman，“hesaidimpressively。
　　“Water，water!Whatwaterdidhemean？Whatdidheknow？AscalmlyasI
　　couldIorderedhimtoletgo。Hewasstoppingme，timewaspressing，othermenbegantostir；Iwantedtime——timetocuttheboatsadrift。Hegotholdofmyhandnow，andIfeltthathewouldbegintoshout。Itflasheduponmeitwasenoughtostartapanic，andIhauledoffwithmyfreearmandslungthelampinhisface。Theglassjingled，thelightwentout，buttheblowmadehimletgo，andIranoff——Iwantedtogetattheboats；
　　Iwantedtogetattheboats。Heleapedaftermefrombehind。Iturnedonhim。Hewouldnotkeepquiet；hetriedtoshout；IhadhalfthrottledhimbeforeImadeoutwhathewanted。Hewantedsomewater——watertodrink；
　　theywereonstrictallowance，youknow，andhehadwithhimayoungboyIhadnoticedseveraltimes。Hischildwassick——andthirsty。HehadcaughtsightofmeasIpassedby，andwasbeggingforalittlewater。That’sall。Wewereunderthebridge，inthedark。Hekeptonsnatchingatmywrists；therewasnogettingridofhim。Idashedintomyberth，grabbedmywater-bottle，andthrustitintohishands。Hevanished。Ididn’tfindouttillthenhowmuchIwasinwantofadrinkmyself。“Heleanedononeelbowwithahandoverhiseyes。
　　`Ifeltacreepysensationalldownmybackbone；therewassomethingpeculiarinallthis。Thefingersofthehandthatshadedhisbrowtrembledslightly。Hebroketheshortsilence。
　　“`Thesethingshappenonlyoncetoamanand……Ah!well!WhenI
　　gotonthebridgeatlastthebeggarsweregettingoneoftheboatsoffthechocks。Aboat!Iwasrunninguptheladderwhenaheavyblowfellonmyshoulder，justmissingmyhead。Itdidn’tstopme，andthechiefengineer——theyhadgothimoutofhisbunkbythen——raisedtheboat-stretcheragain。SomehowIhadnomindtobesurprisedatanything。Allthisseemednatural——andawful——andawful。Idodgedthatmiserablemaniac，liftedhimoffthedeckasthoughhehadbeenalittlechild，andhestartedwhisperinginmyarms：`Don’t!don’t!Ithoughtyouwereoneofthemniggers。’Iflunghimaway，heskiddedalongthebridgeandknockedthelegsfromunderthelittlechap——thesecond。Theskipper，busyabouttheboat，lookedroundandcameatmeheaddown，growlinglikeawildbeast。Iflinchednomorethanastone。Iwasassolidstandingthereasthis，“hetappedlightlywithhisknucklesthewallbesidehischair。“ItwasasthoughIhadhearditall，seenitall，gonethroughitalltwentytimesalready。Iwasn’tafraidofthem。Idrewbackmyfistandhestoppedshort，muttering：
　　““Ah!it’syou。Lendahandquick。’
　　“`That’swhathesaid。Quick!Asifanybodycouldbequickenough。`Aren’tyougoingtodosomething？’Iasked。“`Yes。Clearout，’hesnarledoverhisshoulder。
　　“`Idon’tthinkIunderstoodthenwhathemeant。Theothertwohadpickedthemselvesupbythattime，andtheyrushedtogethertotheboat。Theytramped，theywheezed，theyshoved，theycursedtheboat，theship，eachother——cursedme。Allinmutters。Ididn’tmove，Ididn’tspeak。Iwatchedtheslantoftheship。Shewasasstillasiflandedontheblocksinadrydock——onlyshewaslikethis。“Hehelduphishand，palmunder，thetipsofthefingersinclineddownwards。“Likethis，“herepeated。“Icouldseethelineofthehorizonbeforeme，asclearasabell，abovehersteam-head；
　　Icouldseethewaterfaroffthereblackandsparkling，andstill——stillasapond，deadlystill，morestillthaneverseawasbefore——morestillthanIcouldbeartolookat。Haveyouwatchedashipfloatingheaddown，checkedinsinkingbyasheetofoldirontoorottentostandbeingshoredup？Haveyou？Oh，yes，shoredup!Ithoughtofthat——Ithoughtofeverymortalthing；butcanyoushoreupabulkheadinfiveminutes——orinfiftyforthatmatter？WherewasIgoingtogetmenthatwouldgodownbelow？
　　Andthetimber——thetimber!Wouldyouhavehadthecouragetoswingthemaulforthefirstblowifyouhadseenthatbulkhead？Don’tsayyouwould：
　　youhadnotseenit；nobodywould。Hangit——todoathinglikethatyoumustbelievethereisachance，oneinathousand，atleast，someghostofachance；andyouwouldnothavebelieved。Nobodywouldhavebelieved。
　　Youthinkmeacurforstandingthere，butwhatwouldyouhavedone？What!
　　Youcan’ttell——nobodycantell。Onemusthavetimetoturnround。Whatwouldyouhavemedo？WherewasthekindnessinmakingcrazywithfrightallthosepeopleIcouldnotsavesingle-handed——thatnothingcouldsave？
　　Lookhere!AstrueasIsitonthischairbefore……“
　　`Hedrewquickbreathsateveryfewwordsandshotquickglancesatmyface，asthoughinhisanguishhewerewatchfuloftheeffect。Hewasnotspeakingtome，hewasonlyspeakingbeforeme，inadisputewithaninvisiblepersonality，anantagonisticandinseparablepartnerofhisexistence——anotherpossessorofhissoul。Thesewereissuesbeyondthecompetencyofacourtofinquiry：itwasasubtleandmomentousquarrelastothetrueessenceoflife，anddidnotwantajudge。Hewantedanally，ahelper，anaccomplice。
　　IfelttheriskIranofbeingcircumvented，blinded，decoyed，bullied，perhaps，intotakingadefinitepartinadisputeimpossibleofdecisionifonehadtobefairtoallthephantomsinpossession——tothereputablethathaditsclaimsandtothedisreputablethathaditsexigencies。I
　　can’texplaintoyouwhohaven’tseenhimandwhohearhiswordsonlyatsecondhandthemixednatureofmyfeelings。ItseemedtomeIwasbeingmadetocomprehendtheInconceivable——andIknowofnothingtocomparewiththediscomfortofsuchasensation。Iwasmadetolookattheconventionthatlurksinalltruthandontheessentialsincerityoffalsehood。Heappealedtoallsidesatonce——tothesideturnedperpetuallytothelightofday，andtothatsideofus，whichliketheotherhemisphereofthemoon，existsstealthilyinperpetualdarkness，withonlyafearfulashylightfallingattimesontheedge。Heswayedme。Iowntoit，Iownup。
　　Theoccasionwasobscure，insignificant——whatyouwill：alostyoungster，oneinamillion——butthenhewasoneofus；anincidentascompletelydevoidofimportanceasthefloodingofanant-heap，andyetthemysteryofhisattitudegotholdofmeasthoughhehadbeenanindividualintheforefrontofhiskind，asiftheobscuretruthinvolvedweremomentousenoughtoaffectmankind’sconceptionofitself……’
　　Marlowpausedtoputnewlifeintohisexpiringcheroot，seemedtoforgetallaboutthestory，andabruptlybeganagain。
　　`Myfaultofcourse。Onehasnobusinessreallytogetinterested。It’saweaknessofmine。Hiswasofanotherkind。Myweaknessconsistsinnothavingadiscriminatingeyefortheincidental——fortheexternals——noeyeforthehodoftherag-pickerorthefinelinenofthenextman。Nextman——that’sit。Ihavemetsomanymen，’hepursued，withmomentarysadness——`metthem，too，withacertain——certain——impact，letussay；likethisfellow，forinstance——andineachcaseallIcouldseewasmerelythehumanbeing。
　　Aconfoundeddemocraticqualityofvisionwhichmaybebetterthantotalblindness，buthadbeenofnoadvantagetome，Icanassureyou。Menexpectonetotakeintoaccounttheirfinelinen。ButInevercouldgetupanyenthusiasmaboutthesethings。Oh!it’safailing；it’safailing；andthencomesasoftevening；alotofmentooindolentforwhist——andastory……’
　　Hepausedagaintowaitforanencouragingremark，perhaps，butnobodyspoke；onlythehost，asifreluctantlyperformingaduty，murmured：
　　`Youaresosubtle，Marlow。’
　　`Who？I？’saidMarlowinalowvoice。`Oh，no!Buthewas；andtryasImayforthesuccessofthisyarnIammissinginnumerableshades——theyweresofine，sodifficulttorenderincolourlesswords。Becausehecomplicatedmattersbybeingsosimple，too——thesimplestpoordevil!……ByJove!
　　hewasamazing。TherehesattellingmethatjustasIsawhimbeforemyeyeshewouldn’tbeafraidtofaceanything——andbelievinginit，too。
　　Itellyouitwasfabulouslyinnocentanditwasenormous，enormous!I
　　watchedhimcovertly，justasthoughIhadsuspectedhimofanintentiontotakeajollygoodriseoutofme。Hewasconfidentthat，onthesquare，“onthesquare，mind!“therewasnothinghecouldn’tmeet。Eversincehehadbeen“sohigh“——“quitealittlechap，“hehadbeenpreparinghimselfforallthedifficultiesthatcanbesetoneonlandandwater。Heconfessedproudlytothiskindofforesight。Hehadbeenelaboratingdangersanddefences，expectingtheworst，rehearsinghisbest。Hemusthaveledamostexaltedexistence。Canyoufancyit？Asuccessionofadventures，somuchglory，suchavictoriousprogress!andthedeepsenseofhissagacitycrowningeverydayofhisinnerlife。Heforgothimself，hiseyesshone；