Ifanybodycarestoreadasimpletaletoldsimply，I，JohnRidd，oftheparishofOare，inthecountyofSomerset，yeomanandchurchwarden，haveseenandhadashareinsomedoingsofthisneighborhood，whichIwilltrytosetdowninorder，Godsparingmylifeandmemory。AndtheywholightuponthisbookshouldbearinmindnotonlythatIwritefortheclearingofourparishfromillfameandcalumny，butalsoathingwhichwill，Itrow，appeartooofteninit，towit——thatIamnothingmorethanaplainunletteredman，notreadinforeignlanguages，asagentlemanmightbe，norgiftedwithlongwordseveninmineowntongue，savewhatImayhavewonfromtheBibleorMasterWilliamShakespeare，whom，inthefaceofcommonopinion，Idovaluehighly。Inshort，Iamanignoramus，butprettywellforayeoman。
Myfatherbeingofgoodsubstance，atleastaswereckoninExmoor，andseizedinhisownright，frommanygenerations，ofone，andthatthebestandlargest，ofthethreefarmsintowhichourparishisdividedorrathertheculturedpartthereof，heJohnRidd，theelder，churchwarden，andoverseer，beingagreatadmireroflearning，andwellabletowritehisname，sentmehisonlysontobeschooledatTiverton，inthecountyofDevon。Forthechiefboastofthatancienttownnexttoitswoollenstapleisaworthygrammar-school，thelargestinthewestofEngland，foundedandhandsomelyendowedintheyear1604byMasterPeterBlundell，ofthatsameplace，clothier。
Here，bythetimeIwastwelveyearsold，Ihadrisenintotheupperschool，andcouldmakeboldwithEutropiusandCaesar——byaidofanEnglishversion——andasmuchassixlinesofOvid。SomeevensaidthatI
might，beforemanhood，risealmosttothethirdform，beingofaperserveringnature；albeit，byfullconsentofallexceptmymother，thick-headed。Butthatwouldhavebeen，asInowperceive，anambitionbeyondafarmer’sson；forthereisbutoneformaboveit，andthatmadeofmasterfulscholars，entitledrightly’monitors’。Soitcametopass，bythegraceofGod，thatIwascalledawayfromlearning，whilstsittingatthedeskofthejuniorfirstintheupperschool，andbeginningtheGreekverb[Greekword]。
MyeldestgrandsonmakesboldtosaythatInevercouldhavelearned[Greekword]，tenpagesfurtheron，beingallhehimselfcouldmanage，withplentyofstripestohelphim。IknowthathehathmoreheadthanI——thoughneverwillhehavesuchbody；andamthankfultohavestoppedbetimes，withameekandwholesomehead-piece。
Butifyoudoubtofmyhavingbeenthere，becausenowI
knowsolittle，goandseemyname，’JohnRidd，’gravenonthatveryform。Forsooth，fromthetimeIwasstrongenoughtoopenaknifeandtospellmyname，I
begantograveitintheoak，firstoftheblockwhereonIsate，andthenofthedeskinfrontofit，accordingasIwaspromotedfromonetootherofthem：
andtheremygrandsonreadsitnow，atthispresenttimeofwriting，andhathfoughtaboyforscoffingatit——’JohnRiddhisname’——anddoneagainin’winkeys，’
amischievousbutcheerfuldevice，inwhichwetookgreatpleasure。
Thisisthemannerofa’winkey，’whichIheresetdown，lestchildofmine，orgrandchild，daretomakeoneonmypremises；ifhedoes，Ishallknowthemarkatonce，andscoreitwelluponhim。Thescholarobtains，byprayerorprice，ahandfulofsaltpetre，andthenwiththeknifewherewithheshouldratherbetryingtomendhispens，whatdoeshedobutscoopaholewherethedeskissomethreeinchesthick。Thisholeshouldbeleftwiththemiddleexalted，andthecircumferedugmoredeeply。Thenlethimfillitwithsaltpetre，allsavealittlespaceinthemidst，wherethebossofthewoodis。Uponthatbossanditwillbethebetterifasplinteroftimberriseupwardhestickstheendofhiscandleoftallow，or’rat’stail，’aswecalledit，kindledandburningsmoothly。
Anon，ashereadsbythatlighthislesson，liftinghiseyesnowandthenitmaybe，thefireofcandlelaysholdofthepetrewithasplutteringnoiseandaleaping。Thenshouldthepupilseizehispen，and，regardlessofthenib，stirbravely，andhewillseeaglowasofburningmountains，andarichsmoke，andsparksgoingmerrily；norwillitcease，ifhestirwisely，andtherebeagoodstoreofpetre，untilthewoodisdevouredthrough，likethesinkingofawell-shaft。Nowwellmayitgowiththeheadofaboyintentuponhisprimer，whobetidestositthereunder!
But，aboveallthings，havegoodcaretoexercisethisartbeforethemasterstridesuptohisdesk，intheearlygrayofthemorning。
Othercustoms，nolessworthy，abideintheschoolofBlundell，suchasthesingeingofnightcaps；butthoughtheyhaveapleasantsavour，andrefreshingtothinkof，Imaynotstoptonotethem，unlessitbethatgoodlyoneattheincomingofaflood。Theschool-housestandsbesideastream，notverylarge，calledLowman，whichflowsintothebroadriverofExe，aboutamilebelow。ThisLowmanstream，althoughitbenotfondofbrawlandviolenceinthemannerofourLynn，yetiswonttofloodintoamightyheadofwaterswhenthestormsofrainprovokeit；andmostofallwhenitslittleco-mate，calledtheTauntonBrook——whereIhavepluckedtheverybestcressesthatevermanputsalton——comesfoamingdownlikeagreatroanhorse，andrearsattheleapofthehedgerows。
ThenarethegraystonewallsofBlundelloneverysideencompassed，thevaleisspreadoverwithloopingwaters，anditisahardthingfortheday-boystogethometotheirsuppers。
Andinthattime，oldCop，theportersocalledbecausehehathcopperbootstokeepthewetfromhisstomach，andanoseofcopperalso，inrightofotherwaters，hisplaceistostandatthegate，attendingtotheflood-boardsgroovedintooneanother，andsotowatchthetorrentsrise，andnotbewashedaway，ifitpleaseGodhemayhelpit。Butlongerethefloodhathattainedthisheight，andwhileitisonlywaxing，certainboysofdeputywillwatchatthestoopofthedrain-holes，andbeapttolookoutsidethewallswhenCopistakingacordial。Andintheveryfrontofthegate，justwithoutthearchway，wherethegroundispavedmosthandsomely，youmayseeincopy-lettersdoneagreatP。B。ofwhitepebbles。Now，itisthecustomandthelawthatwhentheinvadingwaters，eitherfluxingalongthewallfrombelowtheroad-bridge，orpouringsharplyacrossthemeadowsfromacutcalledOwen’sDitch——andImyselfhaveseenitcomebothways——upontheveryinstantwhenthewaxingelementlipsthoughitbebutasinglepebbleofthefounder’sletters，itisinthelicenseofanyboy，soeversmallandundoctrined，torushintothegreatschool-rooms，whereascoreofmasterssitheavily，andscreamatthetopofhisvoice，’P。B。’
Then，withayell，theboysleapup，orbreakawayfromtheirstanding；theytosstheircapstotheblack-beamedroof，andhaplytheverybooksafterthem；
andthegreatboysvexnomorethesmallones，andthesmallboysstickuptothegreatones。Onewithanother，hardtheygo，toseethegainofthewaters，andthetribulationofCop，andarepronetokicktheday-boysout，withwordsofscantycompliment。Thenthemasterslookatoneanother，havingnoclasstolookto，andboysbeingnomorelefttowatchinamannertheyputtheirmouthsup。Withaspiritedbangtheyclosetheirbooks，andmakeinvitationtheonetotheotherforpipesandforeigncordials，recommendingthechanceofthetime，andthecomfortawayfromcoldwater。
But，lo!Iamdwellingonlittlethingsandthepigeons’eggsoftheinfancy，forgettingthebitterandheavylifegoneovermesincethen。IfIamneitherahardmannoraverycloseone，GodknowsIhavehadnolackofrubbingandpoundingtomakestoneofme。YetcanInotsomehowbelievethatweoughttohateoneanother，tolivefarasunder，andblockthemoutheachofhislittleden；asdothewildbeastsofthewood，andthehairyoutrangsnowbroughtover，eachwithachainuponhim。Letthatmatterbeasitwill。Itisbeyondmetounfold，andmayhapofmygrandson’sgrandson。AllIknowisthatwheatisbetterthanwhenIbegantosowit。
NowthecauseofmyleavingTivertonschool，andthewayofit，wereasfollows。Onthe29thdayofNovember，intheyearofourLord1673，theverydaywhenIwastwelveyearsold，andhadspentallmysubstanceinsweetmeats，withwhichImadetreattothelittleboys，tillthelargeboysraninandtookthem，wecameoutofschoolatfiveo’clock，astheruleisuponTuesdays。Accordingtocustomwedrovetheday-boysinbraveroutdownthecausewayfromtheschool-porcheventothegatewhereCophashisdwellingandduty。Littleitreckedusandhelpedthemless，thattheywereourfounder’scitizens，andhaplyhisowngrand-nephewsforheleftnodirectdescendants，neitherdidwemuchinquirewhattheirlineagewas。Forithadlongbeenfixedamongus，whowereofthehouseandchambers，thatthesesameday-boyswereall’caddes，’aswehaddiscoveredtocallit，becausetheypaidnogroatfortheirschooling，andbroughttheirowncommonswiththem。Inconsumptionofthesewewouldhelpthem，forourfareinhallfedappetite；andwhileweatetheirvictuals，weallowedthemfreelytotalktous。Nevertheless，wecouldnotfeel，whenallthevictualsweregone，butthattheseboysrequiredkickingfromthepremisesofBlundell。Andsomeofthemwereshopkeepers’sons，younggrocers，fellmongers，andpoulterers，andthesetotheircreditseemedtoknowhowrighteousitwastokickthem。Butotherswereofhighfamily，asanyneedbe，inDevon——Carews，andBouchiers，andBastards，andsomeofthesewouldturnsometimes，andstriketheboythatkickedthem。Buttodothemjustice，eventheseknewthattheymustbekickedfornotpaying。
Afterthese’charity-boys’weregone，asincontumelywecalledthem——’Ifyoubreakmybagonmyhead，’saidone，’howwillfeedthenceto-morrow？’——andafteroldCopwithclangofironhadjammedthedoublegatesinunderthescruff-stonearchway，whereuponareLatinverses，doneinbrassofsmallquality，someofuswhowerenothungry，andcarednotforthesupper-bell，havingsuckedmuchparliamentanddumpsatmyonlycharges——notthatIeverboremuchwealth，butbecauseIhadbeenthriftingitforthistimeofmybirth——wewereleaningquiteatduskagainsttheironbarsofthegatesomesix，oritmaybesevenofus，smallboysall，andnotconspicuousintheclosingofthedaylightandthefogthatcameateventide，elseCopwouldhaveratedusupthegreen，forhewaschurlytolittleboyswhenhiswifehadtakentheirmoney。Therewasplentyofroomforallofus，forthegatewillholdnineboysclose-packed，unlesstheybefedrankly，whereofislittledanger；andnowwewerelookingoutontheroadandwishingwecouldgetthere；hoping，moreover，toseeagoodstringofpack-horsescomeby，withtrooperstoprotectthem。Fortheday-boyshadbroughtuswordthatsomeintendingtheirwaytothetownhadlainthatmorningatSampfordPeveril，andmustbeinerenightfall，becauseMr。Fagguswasafterthem。NowMr。
Fagguswasmyfirstcousinandanhonourtothefamily，beingaNorthmoltonmanofgreatrenownonthehighwayfromBarumtowneventoLondon。Thereforeofcourse，I
hopedthathewouldcatchthepackmen，andtheboyswereaskingmyopinionasofanoracle，aboutit。
Acertainboyleaningupagainstmewouldnotallowmyelbowroom，andstruckmeverysadlyinthestomachpart，thoughhisownwasfullofmyparliament。AndthisIfeltsounkindly，thatIsmotehimstraightwayinthefacewithouttarryingtoconsiderit，orweighingthequestionduly。Uponthisheputhisheaddown，andpresenteditsovehementlyatthemiddleofmywaistcoat，thatforaminuteormoremybreathseemeddropped，asitwere，frommypockets，andmylifeseemedtostopfromgreatwantofease。BeforeI
cametomyselfagain，ithadbeensettledforusthatweshouldmovetothe’Ironing-box，’asthetriangleofturfiscalledwherethetwocausewayscomingfromtheschool-porchandthehall-porchmeet，andourfightsaremainlycelebrated；onlywemustwaituntiltheconvoyofhorseshadpassed，andthenmakearingbycandlelight，andtheotherboyswouldlikeit。Butsuddenlytherecameroundthepostwherethelettersofourfounderare，notfromthewayofTauntonbutfromthesideofLowmanbridge，averysmallstringofhorses，onlytwoindeedcountingforonethepony，andared-facedmanonthebiggernag。
’Plaiseye，worshipfulmasters，’hesaid，beingfearedofthegateway，’carn’etullwhurourJanRiddbe？’
’Hyurabe，eesfai，JanRidd，’answeredasharplittlechap，makinggameofJohnFry’slanguage。
’Zhowunup，then，’saysJohnFrypokinghiswhipthroughthebarsatus；’Zhowunup，andputtunaowt。’
Theotherlittlechapspointedatme，andsomebegantohallo；butIknewwhatIwasabout。
’Oh，John，John，’Icried，’what’stheuseofyourcomingnow，andPeggyoverthemoors，too，anditsocruelcoldforher？Theholidaysdon’tbegintillWednesdayfortnight，John。Tothinkofyournotknowingthat!’
JohnFryleanedforwardinthesaddle，andturnedhiseyesawayfromme；andthentherewasanoiseinhisthroatlikeasnailcrawlingonawindow-pane。
’Oh，usknawsthatwullenough，MaisterJan；reckoneveryOare-manknawthat，withoutgotoskoo-ull，likeyoudoth。Yourmootherhavekeptarltheapplesup，andoldBettytoornedtheblackpuddens，andnonedaresettrapforablagbird。Arlforthee，lad；everybitofitnowforthee!’
Hecheckedhimselfsuddenly，andfrightenedme。IknewthatJohnFry’swaysowell。
’Andfather，andfather——oh，howisfather？’IpushedtheboysrightandleftasIsaidit。’John，isfatherupintown!Healwaysusedtocomeforme，andleavenobodyelsetodoit。’
’Vayther’llbeatthecrookedpost，totherzideo’
telling-house。*Hercoodn’tlave’ouzebyraisonoftheChirstmasbakkoncomin’on，andzomeo’theciderwelted。’
*The’telling-houses’onthemoorarerudecotswheretheshepherdsmeetto’tell’theirsheepattheendofthepasturingseason。
Helookedatthenag’searsashesaidit；and，beinguptoJohnFry’sways，Iknewthatitwasalie。Andmyheartfelllikealumpoflead，andIleanedbackonthestayofthegate，andlongednomoretofightanybody。Asortofdullpowerhungoverme，likethecloudofabroodingtempest，andIfearedtobetoldanything。IdidnotevencaretostrokethenoseofmyponyPeggy，althoughshepusheditinthroughtherails，whereasquareofbroaderlatticeis，andsniffedatme，andbegantocropgentlyaftermyfingers。Butwhateverlivesordies，businessmustbeattendedto；andtheprincipalbusinessofgoodChristiansis，beyondallcontroversy，tofightwithoneanother。
’Comeup，Jack，’saidoneoftheboys，liftingmeunderthechin；’hehityou，andyouhithim，youknow。’
’Payyourdebtsbeforeyougo，’saidamonitor，stridinguptome，afterhearinghowthehonourlay；
’Ridd，youmustgothroughwithit。’