Therehadbeensomethingremarkablyamiableabouther。
FannyinthoseearlydayshadpreferredhertoSusan;
andwhenthenewsofherdeathhadatlastreachedMansfield,hadforashorttimebeenquiteafflicted。ThesightofBetseybroughttheimageoflittleMarybackagain,butshewouldnothavepainedhermotherbyalludingtoherfortheworld。Whileconsideringherwiththeseideas,Betsey,atasmalldistance,washoldingoutsomethingtocatchhereyes,meaningtoscreenitatthesametimefromSusan’s。
“Whathaveyougotthere,mylove?“saidFanny;
“comeandshewittome。“
Itwasasilverknife。UpjumpedSusan,claimingitasherown,andtryingtogetitaway;butthechildrantohermother’sprotection,andSusancouldonlyreproach,whichshedidverywarmly,andevidentlyhopingtointerestFannyonherside。“Itwasveryhardthatshewasnottohaveher_own_knife;itwasherownknife;
littlesisterMaryhadleftittoheruponherdeathbed,andsheoughttohavehadittokeepherselflongago。
Butmamakeptitfromher,andwasalwayslettingBetseygetholdofit;andtheendofitwouldbethatBetseywouldspoilit,andgetitforherown,thoughmamahad_promised_herthatBetseyshouldnothaveitinherownhands。“
Fannywasquiteshocked。Everyfeelingofduty,honour,andtendernesswaswoundedbyhersister’sspeechandhermother’sreply。
“Now,Susan,“criedMrs。Price,inacomplainingvoice,“now,howcanyoubesocross?Youarealwaysquarrellingaboutthatknife。Iwishyouwouldnotbesoquarrelsome。
PoorlittleBetsey;howcrossSusanistoyou!Butyoushouldnothavetakenitout,mydear,whenIsentyoutothedrawer。YouknowItoldyounottotouchit,becauseSusanissocrossaboutit。Imusthideitanothertime,Betsey。PoorMarylittlethoughtitwouldbesuchaboneofcontentionwhenshegaveitmetokeep,onlytwohoursbeforeshedied。Poorlittlesoul!shecouldbutjustspeaktobeheard,andshesaidsoprettily,“LetsisterSusanhavemyknife,mama,whenIamdeadandburied。“
Poorlittledear!shewassofondofit,Fanny,thatshewouldhaveitlaybyherinbed,allthroughherillness。
Itwasthegiftofhergoodgodmother,oldMrs。AdmiralMaxwell,onlysixweeksbeforeshewastakenfordeath。
Poorlittlesweetcreature!Well,shewastakenawayfromeviltocome。MyownBetsey“fondlingher,“_you_havenottheluckofsuchagoodgodmother。
AuntNorrislivestoofarofftothinkofsuchlittlepeopleasyou。“
FannyhadindeednothingtoconveyfromauntNorris,butamessagetosayshehopedthathergod-daughterwasagoodgirl,andlearntherbook。Therehadbeenatonemomentaslightmurmurinthedrawing-roomatMansfieldParkaboutsendingheraprayer-book;
butnosecondsoundhadbeenheardofsuchapurpose。
Mrs。Norris,however,hadgonehomeandtakendowntwooldprayer-booksofherhusbandwiththatidea;but,uponexamination,theardourofgenerositywentoff。
Onewasfoundtohavetoosmallaprintforachild’seyes,andtheothertobetoocumbersomeforhertocarryabout。
Fanny,fatiguedandfatiguedagain,wasthankfultoacceptthefirstinvitationofgoingtobed;andbeforeBetseyhadfinishedhercryatbeingallowedtosituponlyonehourextraordinaryinhonourofsister,shewasoff,leavingallbelowinconfusionandnoiseagain;theboysbeggingfortoastedcheese,herfathercallingoutforhisrumandwater,andRebeccaneverwheresheoughttobe。
TherewasnothingtoraiseherspiritsintheconfinedandscantilyfurnishedchamberthatshewastosharewithSusan。Thesmallnessoftheroomsaboveandbelow,indeed,andthenarrownessofthepassageandstaircase,struckherbeyondherimagination。ShesoonlearnedtothinkwithrespectofherownlittleatticatMansfieldPark,inthathousereckonedtoosmallforanybody’scomfort。
Chapter39CHAPTERXXXIX
CouldSirThomashaveseenallhisniece’sfeelings,whenshewroteherfirstlettertoheraunt,hewouldnothavedespaired;forthoughagoodnight’srest,apleasantmorning,thehopeofsoonseeingWilliamagain,andthecomparativelyquietstateofthehouse,fromTomandCharlesbeinggonetoschool,Samonsomeprojectofhisown,andherfatheronhisusuallounges,enabledhertoexpressherselfcheerfullyonthesubjectofhome,therewerestill,toherownperfectconsciousness,manydrawbackssuppressed。Couldhehaveseenonlyhalfthatshefeltbeforetheendofaweek,hewouldhavethoughtMr。Crawfordsureofher,andbeendelightedwithhisownsagacity。
Beforetheweekended,itwasalldisappointment。
Inthefirstplace,Williamwasgone。TheThrushhadhadherorders,thewindhadchanged,andhewassailedwithinfourdaysfromtheirreachingPortsmouth;
andduringthosedaysshehadseenhimonlytwice,inashortandhurriedway,whenhehadcomeashoreonduty。Therehadbeennofreeconversation,nowalkontheramparts,novisittothedockyard,noacquaintancewiththeThrush,nothingofallthattheyhadplannedanddependedon。Everythinginthatquarterfailedher,exceptWilliam’saffection。Hislastthoughtonleavinghomewasforher。Hesteppedbackagaintothedoortosay,“TakecareofFanny,mother。Sheistender,andnotusedtoroughitliketherestofus。Ichargeyou,takecareofFanny。“
Williamwasgone:andthehomehehadleftherinwas,Fannycouldnotconcealitfromherself,inalmosteveryrespecttheveryreverseofwhatshecouldhavewished。
Itwastheabodeofnoise,disorder,andimpropriety。
Nobodywasintheirrightplace,nothingwasdoneasitoughttobe。Shecouldnotrespectherparentsasshehadhoped。
Onherfather,herconfidencehadnotbeensanguine,buthewasmorenegligentofhisfamily,hishabitswereworse,andhismannerscoarser,thanshehadbeenpreparedfor。
Hedidnotwantabilitiesbuthehadnocuriosity,andnoinformationbeyondhisprofession;hereadonlythenewspaperandthenavy-list;hetalkedonlyofthedockyard,theharbour,Spithead,andtheMotherbank;
hesworeandhedrank,hewasdirtyandgross。
Shehadneverbeenabletorecallanythingapproachingtotendernessinhisformertreatmentofherself。
Therehadremainedonlyageneralimpressionofroughnessandloudness;andnowhescarcelyevernoticedher,buttomakehertheobjectofacoarsejoke。
Herdisappointmentinhermotherwasgreater:
_there_shehadhopedmuch,andfoundalmostnothing。
Everyflatteringschemeofbeingofconsequencetohersoonfelltotheground。Mrs。Pricewasnotunkind;
but,insteadofgainingonheraffectionandconfidence,andbecomingmoreandmoredear,herdaughternevermetwithgreaterkindnessfromherthanonthefirstdayofherarrival。Theinstinctofnaturewassoonsatisfied,andMrs。Price’sattachmenthadnoothersource。
Herheartandhertimewerealreadyquitefull;
shehadneitherleisurenoraffectiontobestowonFanny。
Herdaughtersneverhadbeenmuchtoher。Shewasfondofhersons,especiallyofWilliam,butBetseywasthefirstofhergirlswhomshehadevermuchregarded。Tohershewasmostinjudiciouslyindulgent。Williamwasherpride;
Betseyherdarling;andJohn,Richard,Sam,Tom,andCharlesoccupiedalltherestofhermaternalsolicitude,alternatelyherworriesandhercomforts。Thesesharedherheart:
hertimewasgivenchieflytoherhouseandherservants。
Herdayswerespentinakindofslowbustle;allwasbusywithoutgettingon,alwaysbehindhandandlamentingit,withoutalteringherways;wishingtobeaneconomist,withoutcontrivanceorregularity;dissatisfiedwithherservants,withoutskilltomakethembetter,andwhetherhelping,orreprimanding,orindulgingthem,withoutanypowerofengagingtheirrespect。
Ofhertwosisters,Mrs。PriceverymuchmoreresembledLadyBertramthanMrs。Norris。Shewasamanagerbynecessity,withoutanyofMrs。Norris’sinclinationforit,oranyofheractivity。Herdispositionwasnaturallyeasyandindolent,likeLadyBertram’s;andasituationofsimilaraffluenceanddo-nothingnesswouldhavebeenmuchmoresuitedtohercapacitythantheexertionsandself-denialsoftheonewhichherimprudentmarriagehadplacedherin。
ShemighthavemadejustasgoodawomanofconsequenceasLadyBertram,butMrs。Norriswouldhavebeenamorerespectablemotherofninechildrenonasmallincome。
MuchofallthisFannycouldnotbutbesensibleof。
Shemightscrupletomakeuseofthewords,butshemustanddidfeelthathermotherwasapartial,ill-judgingparent,adawdle,aslattern,whoneithertaughtnorrestrainedherchildren,whosehousewasthesceneofmismanagementanddiscomfortfrombeginningtoend,andwhohadnotalent,noconversation,noaffectiontowardsherself;nocuriositytoknowherbetter,nodesireofherfriendship,andnoinclinationforhercompanythatcouldlessenhersenseofsuchfeelings。
Fannywasveryanxioustobeuseful,andnottoappearaboveherhome,orinanywaydisqualifiedordisinclined,byherforeigneducation,fromcontributingherhelptoitscomforts,andthereforesetaboutworkingforSamimmediately;
andbyworkingearlyandlate,withperseveranceandgreatdespatch,didsomuchthattheboywasshippedoffatlast,withmorethanhalfhislinenready。
Shehadgreatpleasureinfeelingherusefulness,butcouldnotconceivehowtheywouldhavemanagedwithouther。