Simplegirl!Ishallneverforgiveher。Hadsheacceptedhimassheought,theymightnowhavebeenonthepointofmarriage,andHenrywouldhavebeentoohappyandtoobusytowantanyotherobject。HewouldhavetakennopainstobeontermswithMrs。Rushworthagain。
Itwouldhaveallendedinaregularstandingflirtation,inyearlymeetingsatSothertonandEveringham。’Couldyouhavebelieveditpossible?Butthecharmisbroken。
Myeyesareopened。“
“Cruel!“saidFanny,“quitecruel。Atsuchamomenttogivewaytogaiety,tospeakwithlightness,andtoyou!
Absolutecruelty。“
“Cruelty,doyoucallit?Wedifferthere。No,hersisnotacruelnature。Idonotconsiderherasmeaningtowoundmyfeelings。Theevilliesyetdeeper:
inhertotalignorance,unsuspiciousnessoftherebeingsuchfeelings;inaperversionofmindwhichmadeitnaturaltohertotreatthesubjectasshedid。Shewasspeakingonlyasshehadbeenusedtohearothersspeak,assheimaginedeverybodyelsewouldspeak。Hersarenotfaultsoftemper。Shewouldnotvoluntarilygiveunnecessarypaintoanyone,andthoughImaydeceivemyself,Icannotbutthinkthatforme,formyfeelings,shewould——
Hersarefaultsofprinciple,Fanny;ofblunteddelicacyandacorrupted,vitiatedmind。Perhapsitisbestforme,sinceitleavesmesolittletoregret。Notso,however。
GladlywouldIsubmittoalltheincreasedpainoflosingher,ratherthanhavetothinkofherasIdo。
Itoldherso。“
“Didyou?“
“Yes;whenIleftherItoldherso。“
“Howlongwereyoutogether?“
“Five-and-twentyminutes。Well,shewentontosaythatwhatremainednowtobedonewastobringaboutamarriagebetweenthem。Shespokeofit,Fanny,withasteadiervoicethanIcan。“Hewasobligedtopausemorethanonceashecontinued。“’WemustpersuadeHenrytomarryher,’
saidshe;’andwhatwithhonour,andthecertaintyofhavingshuthimselfoutforeverfromFanny,Idonotdespairofit。Fannyhemustgiveup。Idonotthinkthateven_he_couldnowhopetosucceedwithoneofherstamp,andthereforeIhopewemayfindnoinsuperabledifficulty。
Myinfluence,whichisnotsmallshallallgothatway;
andwhenoncemarried,andproperlysupportedbyherownfamily,peopleofrespectabilityastheyare,shemayrecoverherfootinginsocietytoacertaindegree。
Insomecircles,weknow,shewouldneverbeadmitted,butwithgooddinners,andlargeparties,therewillalwaysbethosewhowillbegladofheracquaintance;
andthereis,undoubtedly,moreliberalityandcandouronthosepointsthanformerly。WhatIadviseis,thatyourfatherbequiet。Donotlethiminjurehisowncausebyinterference。Persuadehimtoletthingstaketheircourse。Ifbyanyofficiousexertionsofhis,sheisinducedtoleaveHenry’sprotection,therewillbemuchlesschanceofhismarryingherthanifsheremainwithhim。Iknowhowheislikelytobeinfluenced。
LetSirThomastrusttohishonourandcompassion,anditmayallendwell;butifhegethisdaughteraway,itwillbedestroyingthechiefhold。’“
Afterrepeatingthis,EdmundwassomuchaffectedthatFanny,watchinghimwithsilent,butmosttenderconcern,wasalmostsorrythatthesubjecthadbeenenteredonatall。Itwaslongbeforehecouldspeakagain。
Atlast,“Now,Fanny,“saidhe,“Ishallsoonhavedone。
Ihavetoldyouthesubstanceofallthatshesaid。
AssoonasIcouldspeak,IrepliedthatIhadnotsupposeditpossible,cominginsuchastateofmindintothathouseasIhaddone,thatanythingcouldoccurtomakemesuffermore,butthatshehadbeeninflictingdeeperwoundsinalmosteverysentence。
ThatthoughIhad,inthecourseofouracquaintance,beenoftensensibleofsomedifferenceinouropinions,onpoints,too,ofsomemoment,ithadnotenteredmyimaginationtoconceivethedifferencecouldbesuchasshehadnowprovedit。ThatthemannerinwhichshetreatedthedreadfulcrimecommittedbyherbrotherandmysisterwithwhomlaythegreaterseductionIpretendednottosay,butthemannerinwhichshespokeofthecrimeitself,givingiteveryreproachbuttheright;consideringitsillconsequencesonlyastheyweretobebravedoroverbornebyadefianceofdecencyandimpudenceinwrong;andlastofall,andaboveall,recommendingtousacompliance,acompromise,anacquiescenceinthecontinuanceofthesin,onthechanceofamarriagewhich,thinkingasInowthoughtofherbrother,shouldratherbepreventedthansought;
allthistogethermostgrievouslyconvincedmethatIhadneverunderstoodherbefore,andthat,asfarasrelatedtomind,ithadbeenthecreatureofmyownimagination,notMissCrawford,thatIhadbeentooapttodwellonformanymonthspast。That,perhaps,itwasbestforme;
Ihadlesstoregretinsacrificingafriendship,feelings,hopeswhichmust,atanyrate,havebeentornfrommenow。
Andyet,thatImustandwouldconfessthat,couldI
haverestoredhertowhatshehadappearedtomebefore,Iwouldinfinitelypreferanyincreaseofthepainofparting,forthesakeofcarryingwithmetherightoftendernessandesteem。ThisiswhatIsaid,thepurportofit;but,asyoumayimagine,notspokensocollectedlyormethodicallyasIhaverepeatedittoyou。Shewasastonished,exceedinglyastonished——morethanastonished。
Isawherchangecountenance。Sheturnedextremelyred。
IimaginedIsawamixtureofmanyfeelings:agreat,thoughshortstruggle;halfawishofyieldingtotruths,halfasenseofshame,buthabit,habitcarriedit。
Shewouldhavelaughedifshecould。Itwasasortoflaugh,assheanswered,’Aprettygoodlecture,uponmyword。
Wasitpartofyourlastsermon?AtthisrateyouwillsoonreformeverybodyatMansfieldandThorntonLacey;
andwhenIhearofyounext,itmaybeasacelebratedpreacherinsomegreatsocietyofMethodists,orasamissionaryintoforeignparts。’Shetriedtospeakcarelessly,butshewasnotsocarelessasshewantedtoappear。
Ionlysaidinreply,thatfrommyheartIwishedherwell,andearnestlyhopedthatshemightsoonlearntothinkmorejustly,andnotowethemostvaluableknowledgewecouldanyofusacquire,theknowledgeofourselvesandofourduty,tothelessonsofaffliction,andimmediatelylefttheroom。Ihadgoneafewsteps,Fanny,whenI
heardthedooropenbehindme。’Mr。Bertram,’saidshe。
Ilookedback。’Mr。Bertram,’saidshe,withasmile;
butitwasasmileill-suitedtotheconversationthathadpassed,asaucyplayfulsmile,seemingtoinviteinordertosubdueme;atleastitappearedsotome。
Iresisted;itwastheimpulseofthemomenttoresist,andstillwalkedon。Ihavesince,sometimes,foramoment,regrettedthatIdidnotgoback,butIknowIwasright,andsuchhasbeentheendofouracquaintance。Andwhatanacquaintancehasitbeen!HowhaveIbeendeceived!
Equallyinbrotherandsisterdeceived!Ithankyouforyourpatience,Fanny。Thishasbeenthegreatestrelief,andnowwewillhavedone。“
AndsuchwasFanny’sdependenceonhiswords,thatforfiveminutesshethoughtthey_had_done。Then,however,itallcameonagain,orsomethingverylikeit,andnothinglessthanLadyBertram’srousingthoroughlyupcouldreallyclosesuchaconversation。Tillthathappened,theycontinuedtotalkofMissCrawfordalone,andhowshehadattachedhim,andhowdelightfulnaturehadmadeher,andhowexcellentshewouldhavebeen,hadshefallenintogoodhandsearlier。Fanny,nowatlibertytospeakopenly,feltmorethanjustifiedinaddingtohisknowledgeofherrealcharacter,bysomehintofwhatsharehisbrother’sstateofhealthmightbesupposedtohaveinherwishforacompletereconciliation。Thiswasnotanagreeableintimation。Natureresisteditforawhile。
Itwouldhavebeenavastdealpleasantertohavehadhermoredisinterestedinherattachment;buthisvanitywasnotofastrengthtofightlongagainstreason。
HesubmittedtobelievethatTom’sillnesshadinfluencedher,onlyreservingforhimselfthisconsolingthought,thatconsideringthemanycounteractionsofopposinghabits,shehadcertainlybeen_more_attachedtohimthancouldhavebeenexpected,andforhissakebeenmoreneardoingright。Fannythoughtexactlythesame;andtheywerealsoquiteagreedintheiropinionofthelastingeffect,theindelibleimpression,whichsuchadisappointmentmustmakeonhismind。Timewouldundoubtedlyabatesomewhatofhissufferings,butstillitwasasortofthingwhichhenevercouldgetentirelythebetterof;
andastohisevermeetingwithanyotherwomanwhocould——
itwastooimpossibletobenamedbutwithindignation。
Fanny’sfriendshipwasallthathehadtoclingto。
Letotherpensdwellonguiltandmisery。IquitsuchodioussubjectsassoonasIcan,impatienttorestoreeverybody,notgreatlyinfaultthemselves,totolerablecomfort,andtohavedonewithalltherest。
MyFanny,indeed,atthisverytime,Ihavethesatisfactionofknowing,musthavebeenhappyinspiteofeverything。
Shemusthavebeenahappycreatureinspiteofallthatshefelt,orthoughtshefelt,forthedistressofthosearoundher。
Shehadsourcesofdelightthatmustforcetheirway。
ShewasreturnedtoMansfieldPark,shewasuseful,shewasbeloved;shewassafefromMr。Crawford;
andwhenSirThomascamebackshehadeveryproofthatcouldbegiveninhisthenmelancholystateofspirits,ofhisperfectapprobationandincreasedregard;
andhappyasallthismustmakeher,shewouldstillhavebeenhappywithoutanyofit,forEdmundwasnolongerthedupeofMissCrawford。
ItistruethatEdmundwasveryfarfromhappyhimself。