Thisdreadfulcommunicationcouldnotbekeptfromtherestofthefamily。SirThomassetoff,Edmundwouldgowithhim,andtheothershadbeenleftinastateofwretchedness,inferioronlytowhatfollowedthereceiptofthenextlettersfromLondon。Everythingwasbythattimepublicbeyondahope。TheservantofMrs。Rushworth,themother,hadexposureinherpower,andsupportedbyhermistress,wasnottobesilenced。Thetwoladies,evenintheshorttimetheyhadbeentogether,haddisagreed;andthebitternessoftheelderagainstherdaughter-in-lawmightperhapsarisealmostasmuchfromthepersonaldisrespectwithwhichshehadherselfbeentreatedasfromsensibilityforherson。
Howeverthatmightbe,shewasunmanageable。Buthadshebeenlessobstinate,oroflessweightwithherson,whowasalwaysguidedbythelastspeaker,bythepersonwhocouldgetholdofandshuthimup,thecasewouldstillhavebeenhopeless,forMrs。Rushworthdidnotappearagain,andtherewaseveryreasontoconcludehertobeconcealedsomewherewithMr。Crawford,whohadquittedhisuncle’shouse,asforajourney,ontheverydayofherabsentingherself。
SirThomas,however,remainedyetalittlelongerintown,inthehopeofdiscoveringandsnatchingherfromfarthervice,thoughallwaslostonthesideofcharacter。
_His_presentstateFannycouldhardlybeartothinkof。
Therewasbutoneofhischildrenwhowasnotatthistimeasourceofmiserytohim。Tom’scomplaintshadbeengreatlyheightenedbytheshockofhissister’sconduct,andhisrecoverysomuchthrownbackbyit,thatevenLadyBertramhadbeenstruckbythedifference,andallheralarmswereregularlysentofftoherhusband;
andJulia’selopement,theadditionalblowwhichhadmethimonhisarrivalinLondon,thoughitsforcehadbeendeadenedatthemoment,must,sheknew,besorelyfelt。
Shesawthatitwas。Hislettersexpressedhowmuchhedeploredit。Underanycircumstancesitwouldhavebeenanunwelcomealliance;buttohaveitsoclandestinelyformed,andsuchaperiodchosenforitscompletion,placedJulia’sfeelingsinamostunfavourablelight,andseverelyaggravatedthefollyofherchoice。
Hecalleditabadthing,doneintheworstmanner,andattheworsttime;andthoughJuliawasyetasmorepardonablethanMariaasfollythanvice,hecouldnotbutregardthestepshehadtakenasopeningtheworstprobabilitiesofaconclusionhereafterlikehersister’s。
Suchwashisopinionofthesetintowhichshehadthrownherself。
Fannyfeltforhimmostacutely。HecouldhavenocomfortbutinEdmund。Everyotherchildmustberackinghisheart。
Hisdispleasureagainstherselfshetrusted,reasoningdifferentlyfromMrs。Norris,wouldnowbedoneaway。
_She_shouldbejustified。Mr。Crawfordwouldhavefullyacquittedherconductinrefusinghim;butthis,thoughmostmaterialtoherself,wouldbepoorconsolationtoSirThomas。Heruncle’sdispleasurewasterribletoher;
butwhatcouldherjustificationorhergratitudeandattachmentdoforhim?HisstaymustbeonEdmundalone。
Shewasmistaken,however,insupposingthatEdmundgavehisfathernopresentpain。Itwasofamuchlesspoignantnaturethanwhattheothersexcited;butSirThomaswasconsideringhishappinessasverydeeplyinvolvedintheoffenceofhissisterandfriend;cutoffbyit,ashemustbe,fromthewomanwhomhehadbeenpursuingwithundoubtedattachmentandstrongprobabilityofsuccess;
andwho,ineverythingbutthisdespicablebrother,wouldhavebeensoeligibleaconnexion。HewasawareofwhatEdmundmustbesufferingonhisownbehalf,inadditiontoalltherest,whentheywereintown:
hehadseenorconjecturedhisfeelings;and,havingreasontothinkthatoneinterviewwithMissCrawfordhadtakenplace,fromwhichEdmundderivedonlyincreaseddistress,hadbeenasanxiousonthataccountasonotherstogethimoutoftown,andhadengagedhimintakingFannyhometoheraunt,withaviewtohisreliefandbenefit,nolessthantheirs。
Fannywasnotinthesecretofheruncle’sfeelings,SirThomasnotinthesecretofMissCrawford’scharacter。
Hadhebeenprivytoherconversationwithhisson,hewouldnothavewishedhertobelongtohim,thoughhertwentythousandpoundshadbeenforty。
ThatEdmundmustbeforeverdividedfromMissCrawforddidnotadmitofadoubtwithFanny;andyet,tillsheknewthathefeltthesame,herownconvictionwasinsufficient。
Shethoughthedid,butshewantedtobeassuredofit。
Ifhewouldnowspeaktoherwiththeunreservewhichhadsometimesbeentoomuchforherbefore,itwouldbemostconsoling;but_that_shefoundwasnottobe。
Sheseldomsawhim:neveralone。Heprobablyavoidedbeingalonewithher。Whatwastobeinferred?Thathisjudgmentsubmittedtoallhisownpeculiarandbittershareofthisfamilyaffliction,butthatitwastookeenlyfelttobeasubjectoftheslightestcommunication。
Thismustbehisstate。Heyielded,butitwaswithagonieswhichdidnotadmitofspeech。Long,longwoulditbeereMissCrawford’snamepassedhislipsagain,orshecouldhopeforarenewalofsuchconfidentialintercourseashadbeen。
It_was_long。TheyreachedMansfieldonThursday,anditwasnottillSundayeveningthatEdmundbegantotalktoheronthesubject。SittingwithheronSundayevening——awetSundayevening——theverytimeofallotherswhen,ifafriendisathand,theheartmustbeopened,andeverythingtold;nooneelseintheroom,excepthismother,who,afterhearinganaffectingsermon,hadcriedherselftosleep,itwasimpossiblenottospeak;
andso,withtheusualbeginnings,hardlytobetracedastowhatcamefirst,andtheusualdeclarationthatifshewouldlistentohimforafewminutes,heshouldbeverybrief,andcertainlynevertaxherkindnessinthesamewayagain;sheneednotfeararepetition;
itwouldbeasubjectprohibitedentirely:heenteredupontheluxuryofrelatingcircumstancesandsensationsofthefirstinteresttohimself,tooneofwhoseaffectionatesympathyhewasquiteconvincedHowFannylistened,withwhatcuriosityandconcern,whatpainandwhatdelight,howtheagitationofhisvoicewaswatched,andhowcarefullyherowneyeswerefixedonanyobjectbuthimself,maybeimagined。
Theopeningwasalarming。HehadseenMissCrawford。
Hehadbeeninvitedtoseeher。HehadreceivedanotefromLadyStornawaytobeghimtocall;andregardingitaswhatwasmeanttobethelast,lastinterviewoffriendship,andinvestingherwithallthefeelingsofshameandwretchednesswhichCrawford’ssisteroughttohaveknown,hehadgonetoherinsuchastateofmind,sosoftened,sodevoted,asmadeitforafewmomentsimpossibletoFanny’sfearsthatitshouldbethelast。
Butasheproceededinhisstory,thesefearswereover。
Shehadmethim,hesaid,withaserious——certainlyaserious——
evenanagitatedair;butbeforehehadbeenabletospeakoneintelligiblesentence,shehadintroducedthesubjectinamannerwhichheownedhadshockedhim。
“’Iheardyouwereintown,’saidshe;’Iwantedtoseeyou。
Letustalkoverthissadbusiness。Whatcanequalthefollyofourtworelations?’Icouldnotanswer,butIbelievemylooksspoke。Shefeltreproved。Sometimeshowquicktofeel!Withagraverlookandvoiceshethenadded,’IdonotmeantodefendHenryatyoursister’sexpense。’
Soshebegan,buthowshewenton,Fanny,isnotfit,ishardlyfittoberepeatedtoyou。Icannotrecallallherwords。IwouldnotdwelluponthemifIcould。
Theirsubstancewasgreatangeratthe_folly_ofeach。
Shereprobatedherbrother’sfollyinbeingdrawnonbyawomanwhomhehadnevercaredfor,todowhatmustlosehimthewomanheadored;butstillmorethefollyofpoorMaria,insacrificingsuchasituation,plungingintosuchdifficulties,undertheideaofbeingreallylovedbyamanwhohadlongagomadehisindifferenceclear。
GuesswhatImusthavefelt。Tohearthewomanwhom——
noharshernamethanfollygiven!Sovoluntarily,sofreely,socoollytocanvassit!Noreluctance,nohorror,nofeminine,shallIsay,nomodestloathings?
Thisiswhattheworlddoes。Forwhere,Fanny,shallwefindawomanwhomnaturehadsorichlyendowed?Spoilt,spoilt!“
Afteralittlereflection,hewentonwithasortofdesperatecalmness。“Iwilltellyoueverything,andthenhavedoneforever。Shesawitonlyasfolly,andthatfollystampedonlybyexposure。Thewantofcommondiscretion,ofcaution:hisgoingdowntoRichmondforthewholetimeofherbeingatTwickenham;herputtingherselfinthepowerofaservant;itwasthedetection,inshort——oh,Fanny!itwasthedetection,nottheoffence,whichshereprobated。Itwastheimprudencewhichhadbroughtthingstoextremity,andobligedherbrothertogiveupeverydearerplaninordertoflywithher。“
Hestopt。“Andwhat,“saidFannybelievingherselfrequiredtospeak,“whatcouldyousay?“
“Nothing,nothingtobeunderstood。Iwaslikeamanstunned。
Shewenton,begantotalkofyou;yes,thenshebegantotalkofyou,regretting,aswellshemight,thelossofsucha。Thereshespokeveryrationally。Butshehasalwaysdonejusticetoyou。’Hehasthrownaway,’
saidshe,’suchawomanashewillneverseeagain。
Shewouldhavefixedhim;shewouldhavemadehimhappyforever。’MydearestFanny,Iamgivingyou,Ihope,morepleasurethanpainbythisretrospectofwhatmighthavebeen——butwhatnevercanbenow。Youdonotwishmetobesilent?Ifyoudo,givemebutalook,aword,andI
havedone。“
Nolookorwordwasgiven。
“ThankGod,“saidhe。“Wewerealldisposedtowonder,butitseemstohavebeenthemercifulappointmentofProvidencethattheheartwhichknewnoguileshouldnotsuffer。Shespokeofyouwithhighpraiseandwarmaffection;yet,evenhere,therewasalloy,adashofevil;forinthemidstofitshecouldexclaim,’Whywouldnotshehavehim?Itisallherfault。