feltthisasnotciviltome；butsatverypatientlytillhehadexhaustedhismerrimentonthatsubject；andthenobserved，thatsurelyJohnsonmustbeallowedtohavesomesterlingwit，andthatIhadheardhimsayaverygoodthingofMr。Footehimself。’Ah，myoldfriendSamcriedFoote，nomansaysbetterthings；doletushaveit。’UponwhichItoldtheabovestory，whichproducedaveryloudlaughfromthecompany。ButIneversawFootesodisconcerted——BOSWELL。
　　BOSWELL。’WhatdoyouthinkofDr。Young’sNightThoughts，Sir？’
　　JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，thereareveryfinethingsinthem。’BOSWELL。
　　’Istherenotlessreligioninthenationnow，Sir，thantherewasformerly？’JOHNSON。’Idon’tknow，Sir，thatthereis。’BOSWELL。
　　’Forinstance，thereusedtobeachaplainineverygreatfamily，whichwedonotfindnow。’JOHNSON。’Neitherdoyoufindanyofthestateservants，whichgreatfamiliesusedformerlytohave。
　　Thereisachangeofmodesinthewholedepartmentoflife。’
　　Nextday，October20，heappeared，fortheonlytimeIsupposeinhislife，asawitnessinaCourtofJustice，beingcalledtogiveevidencetothecharacterofMr。Baretti，whohavingstabbedamaninthestreet，wasarraignedattheOldBaileyformurder。NeverdidsuchaconstellationofgeniusenlightentheawefulSessions-
　　House，emphaticallycalledJUSTICEHALL；Mr。Burke，Mr。Garrick，Mr。Beauclerk，andDr。Johnson：andundoubtedlytheirfavourabletestimonyhaddueweightwiththeCourtandJury。Johnsongavehisevidenceinaslow，deliberate，anddistinctmanner，whichwasuncommonlyimpressive。ItiswellknownthatMr。Barettiwasacquitted。
　　Onthe26thofOctober，wedinedtogetherattheMitretavern。I
　　foundfaultwithFooteforindulginghistalentofridiculeattheexpenceofhisvisitors，whichIcolloquiallytermedmakingfoolsofhiscompany。JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，whenyougotoseeFoote，youdonotgotoseeasaint：yougotoseeamanwhowillbeentertainedatyourhouse，andthenbringyouonapublickstage；
　　whowillentertainyouathishouse，fortheverypurposeofbringingyouonapublickstage。Sir，hedoesnotmakefoolsofhiscompany；theywhomheexposesarefoolsalready：heonlybringsthemintoaction。’
　　Wewenthometohishousetotea。Mrs。Williamsmadeitwithsufficientdexterity，notwithstandingherblindness，thoughhermannerofsatisfyingherselfthatthecupswerefullenoughappearedtomealittleaukward；forIfanciedsheputherfingerdownacertainway，tillshefelttheteatouchit。*InmyfirstelationatbeingallowedtheprivilegeofattendingDr。Johnsonathislatevisitstothislady，whichwaslikebeingesecretioribusconsiliis，Iwillinglydrankcupaftercup，asifithadbeentheHeliconianspring。Butasthecharmofnoveltywentoff，Igrewmorefastidious；andbesides，Idiscoveredthatshewasofapeevishtemper。
　　*Boswellafterwardslearnedthatshefelttherisingteaontheoutsideofthecup——ED。
　　Therewasaprettylargecirclethisevening。Dr。Johnsonwasinverygoodhumour，lively，andreadytotalkuponallsubjects。Mr。
　　Fergusson，theself-taughtphilosopher，toldhimofanew-inventedmachinewhichwentwithouthorses：amanwhosatinitturnedahandle，whichworkedaspringthatdroveitforward。’Then，Sir，saidJohnson，whatisgainedis，themanhashischoicewhetherhewillmovehimselfalone，orhimselfandthemachinetoo。’
　　Dominicettibeingmentioned，hewouldnotallowhimanymerit。
　　’Thereisnothinginallthisboastedsystem。No，Sir；medicatedbathscanbenobetterthanwarmwater：theironlyeffectcanbethatoftepidmoisture。’Oneofthecompanytooktheotherside，maintainingthatmedicinesofvarioussorts，andsometooofmostpowerfuleffect，areintroducedintothehumanframebythemediumofthepores；and，therefore，whenwarmwaterisimpregnatedwithsalutiferoussubstances，itmayproducegreateffectsasabath。
　　Thisappearedtomeverysatisfactory。Johnsondidnotanswerit；
　　buttalkingforvictory，anddeterminedtobemasterofthefield，hehadrecoursetothedevicewhichGoldsmithimputedtohiminthewittywordsofoneofCibber’scomedies：’ThereisnoarguingwithJohnson；forwhenhispistolmissesfire，heknocksyoudownwiththebuttendofit。’Heturnedtothegentleman，’well，Sir，gotoDominicetti，andgetthyselffumigated；butbesurethatthesteambedirectedtothyHEAD，forTHATisthePECCANTPART。’Thisproducedatriumphantroaroflaughterfromthemotleyassemblyofphilosophers，printers，anddependents，maleandfemale。
　　Iknownothowsowhimsicalathoughtcameintomymind，butI
　　asked，’If，Sir，youwereshutupinacastle，andanewbornchildwithyou，whatwouldyoudo？’JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，Ishouldnotmuchlikemycompany。’BOSWELL。’Butwouldyoutakethetroubleofrearingit？’Heseemed，asmaywellbesupposed，unwillingtopursuethesubject：butuponmyperseveringinmyquestion，replied，’Whyyes，Sir，Iwould；butImusthaveallconveniencies。
　　IfIhadnogarden，Iwouldmakeashedontheroof，andtakeitthereforfreshair。Ishouldfeedit，andwashitmuch，andwithwarmwatertopleaseit，notwithcoldwatertogiveitpain。’
　　BOSWELL。’But，Sir，doesnotheatrelax？’JOHNSON。’Sir，youarenottoimaginethewateristobeveryhot。IwouldnotCODDLEthechild。No，Sir，thehardymethodoftreatingchildrendoesnogood。I’lltakeyoufivechildrenfromLondon，whoshallcufffiveHighlandchildren。Sir，amanbredinLondonwillcarryaburthen，orrun，orwrestle，aswellasamanbroughtupinthehardiestmannerinthecountry。’BOSWELL。’Goodliving，Isuppose，makestheLondonersstrong。’JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，Idon’tknowthatitdoes。OurChairmenfromIreland，whoareasstrongmenasany，havebeenbroughtupuponpotatoes。Quantitymakesupforquality。’BOSWELL。’WouldyouteachthischildthatIhavefurnishedyouwith，anything？’JOHNSON。’No，Ishouldnotbeapttoteachit。’BOSWELL。’Wouldnotyouhaveapleasureinteachingit？’JOHNSON。’No，Sir，IshouldNOThaveapleasureinteachingit。’BOSWELL。’Haveyounotapleasureinteachingmen？——THEREI
　　haveyou。Youhavethesamepleasureinteachingmen，thatI
　　shouldhaveinteachingchildren。’JOHNSON。’Why，somethingaboutthat。’
　　IhadhiredaBohemianasmyservantwhileIremainedinLondon，andbeingmuchpleasedwithhim，IaskedDr。JohnsonwhetherhisbeingaRomanCatholickshouldpreventmytakinghimwithmetoScotland。JOHNSON。’Whyno，Sir，ifHEhasnoobjection，youcanhavenone。’BOSWELL。’So，Sir，youarenogreatenemytotheRomanCatholickreligion。’JOHNSON。’Nomore，Sir，thantothePresbyterianreligion。’BOSWELL。’Youarejoking。’JOHNSON。
　　’No，Sir，Ireallythinkso。Nay，Sir，ofthetwo，IpreferthePopish。’BOSWELL。’Howso，Sir？’JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，thePresbyterianshavenochurch，noapostolicalordination。’BOSWELL。
　　’Anddoyouthinkthatabsolutelyessential，Sir？’JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，asitwasanapostolicalinstitution，Ithinkitisdangeroustobewithoutit。And，Sir，thePresbyterianshavenopublicworship：theyhavenoformofprayerinwhichtheyknowtheyaretojoin。Theygotohearamanpray，andaretojudgewhethertheywilljoinwithhim。’
　　Iproceeded：’Whatdoyouthink，Sir，ofPurgatory，asbelievedbytheRomanCatholicks？’JOHNSON。’Why，Sir，itisaveryharmlessdoctrine。Theyareofopinionthatthegeneralityofmankindareneithersoobstinatelywickedastodeserveeverlastingpunishment，norsogoodastomeritbeingadmittedintothesocietyofblessedspirits；andthereforethatGodisgraciouslypleasedtoallowofamiddlestate，wheretheymaybepurifiedbycertaindegreesofsuffering。Yousee，Sir，thereisnothingunreasonableinthis。’
　　BOSWELL。’Butthen，Sir，theirmassesforthedead？’JOHNSON。
　　’Why，Sir，ifitbeonceestablishedthattherearesoulsinpurgatory，itisaspropertoprayforTHEM，asforourbrethrenofmankindwhoareyetinthislife。’BOSWELL。’TheidolatryoftheMass？’JOHNSON。’Sir，thereisnoidolatryintheMass。Theybelievegodtobethere，andtheyadorehim。’BOSWELL。’TheworshipofSaints？’JOHNSON。’Sir，theydonotworshipsaints；
　　theyinvokethem；theyonlyasktheirprayers。IamtalkingallthistimeoftheDOCTRINESoftheChurchofRome。IgrantyouthatinPRACTICE，Purgatoryismadealucrativeimposition，andthatthepeopledobecomeidolatrousastheyrecommendthemselvestothetutelaryprotectionofparticularsaints。Ithinktheirgivingthesacramentonlyinonekindiscriminal，becauseitiscontrarytotheexpressinstitutionofCHRIST，andIwonderhowtheCouncilofTrentadmittedit。’BOSWELL。’Confession？’JOHNSON。’Why，I
　　don’tknowbutthatisagoodthing。Thescripturesays，“Confessyourfaultsonetoanother，“andthepriestsconfessaswellasthelaity。Thenitmustbeconsideredthattheirabsolutionisonlyuponrepentance，andoftenuponpenancealso。Youthinkyoursinsmaybeforgivenwithoutpenance，uponrepentancealone。’
　　Whenwewerealone，Iintroducedthesubjectofdeath，andendeavouredtomaintainthatthefearofitmightbegotover。I
　　toldhimthatDavidHumesaidtome，hewasnomoreuneasytothinkheshouldNOTBEafterthislife，thanthatheHADNOTBEENbeforehebegantoexist。JOHNSON。Sir，ifhereallythinksso，hisperceptionsaredisturbed；heismad：ifhedoesnotthinkso，helies。Hemaytellyou，heholdshisfingerintheflameofacandle，withoutfeelingpain；wouldyoubelievehim？Whenhedies，heatleastgivesupallhehas。’BOSWELL。’Foote，Sir，toldme，thatwhenhewasveryillhewasnotafraidtodie。’JOHNSON。’Itisnottrue，Sir。HoldapistoltoFoote’sbreast，ortoHume’sbreast，andthreatentokillthem，andyou’llseehowtheybehave。’
　　BOSWELL。’Butmaywenotfortifyourmindsfortheapproachofdeath？’HereIamsensibleIwasinthewrong，tobringbeforehisviewwhatheeverlookeduponwithhorrour；foralthoughwheninacelestialframe，inhisVanityofHumanWisheshehassupposeddeathtobe’kindNature’ssignalforretreat，’fromthisstateofbeingto’ahappierseat，’histhoughtsuponthisawefulchangewereingeneralfullofdismalapprehensions。Hismindresembledthevastamphitheatre，theColisaeumatRome。Inthecentrestoodhisjudgement，which，likeamightygladiator，combatedthoseapprehensionsthat，likethewildbeastsoftheArena，wereallaroundincells，readytobeletoutuponhim。Afteraconflict，hedrivesthembackintotheirdens；butnotkillingthem，theywerestillassailinghim。Tomyquestion，whetherwemightnotfortifyourmindsfortheapproachofdeath，heanswered，inapassion，’No，Sir，letitalone。Itmattersnothowamandies，buthowhelives。Theactofdyingisnotofimportance，itlastssoshortatime。’Headded，withanearnestlook，’Amanknowsitmustbeso，andsubmits。Itwilldohimnogoodtowhine。’