Asheembracedher,shesaidtohim,’Theynevertoldmeyouwereill,’anddrawinganarmsoftlyroundhisneck,laidhisheaduponherbosom,putahanduponhishead,andrestinghercheekuponthathand,nursedhimaslovingly,andGODknowsasinnocently,asshehadnursedherfatherinthatroomwhenshehadbeenbutababy,needingallthecarefromothersthatshetookofthem。
Whenhecouldspeak,hesaid,’Isitpossiblethatyouhavecometome?Andinthisdress?’
’Ihopedyouwouldlikemebetterinthisdressthananyother。I
havealwayskeptitbyme,toremindme:thoughIwantednoreminding。Iamnotalone,yousee。Ihavebroughtanoldfriendwithme。’
Lookinground,hesawMaggyinherbigcapwhichhadbeenlongabandoned,withabasketonherarmasinthebygonedays,chucklingrapturously。
’ItwasonlyyesterdayeveningthatIcametoLondonwithmybrother。IsentroundtoMrsPlornishalmostassoonaswearrived,thatImighthearofyouandletyouknowIhadcome。
ThenIheardthatyouwerehere。Didyouhappentothinkofmeinthenight?Ialmostbelieveyoumusthavethoughtofmealittle。
Ithoughtofyousoanxiously,anditappearedsolongtomorning。’
’Ihavethoughtofyou——’hehesitatedwhattocallher。Sheperceiveditinaninstant。
’Youhavenotspokentomebymyrightnameyet。Youknowwhatmyrightnamealwaysiswithyou。’
’Ihavethoughtofyou,LittleDorrit,everyday,everyhour,everyminute,sinceIhavebeenhere。’
’Haveyou?Haveyou?’
Hesawthebrightdelightofherface,andtheflushthatkindledinit,withafeelingofshame。He,abroken,bankrupt,sick,dishonouredprisoner。
’Iwasherebeforethegateswereopened,butIwasafraidtocomestraighttoyou。Ishouldhavedoneyoumoreharmthangood,atfirst;fortheprisonwassofamiliarandyetsostrange,anditbroughtbacksomanyremembrancesofmypoorfather,andofyoutoo,thatatfirstitoverpoweredme。ButwewenttoMrChiverybeforewecametothegate,andhebroughtusin,andgotjohn’sroomforus——mypooroldroom,youknow——andwewaitedtherealittle。Ibroughttheflowerstothedoor,butyoudidn’thearme。’
Shelookedsomethingmorewomanlythanwhenshehadgoneaway,andtheripeningtouchoftheItaliansunwasvisibleuponherface。
But,otherwise,shewasquiteunchanged。Thesamedeep,timidearnestnessthathehadalwaysseeninher,andneverwithoutemotion,hesawstill。Ifithadanewmeaningthatsmotehimtotheheart,thechangewasinhisperception,notinher。
Shetookoffheroldbonnet,hungitintheoldplace,andnoiselesslybegan,withMaggy’shelp,tomakehisroomasfreshandneatasitcouldbemade,andtosprinkleitwithapleasant-
smellingwater。Whenthatwasdone,thebasket,whichwasfilledwithgrapesandotherfruit,wasunpacked,andallitscontentswerequietlyputaway。Whenthatwasdone,amoment’swhisperdespatchedMaggytodespatchsomebodyelsetofillthebasketagain;whichsooncamebackreplenishedwithnewstores,fromwhichapresentprovisionofcoolingdrinkandjelly,andaprospectivesupplyofroastchickenandwineandwater,werethefirstextracts。Thesevariousarrangementscompleted,shetookoutheroldneedle-casetomakehimacurtainforhiswindow;andthus,withaquietreigningintheroom,thatseemedtodiffuseitselfthroughtheelsenoisyprison,hefoundhimselfcomposedinhischair,withLittleDorritworkingathisside。
Toseethemodestheadagainbentdownoveritstask,andthenimblefingersbusyattheiroldwork——thoughshewasnotsoabsorbedinit,butthathercompassionateeyeswereoftenraisedtohisface,and,whentheydroopedagainhadtearsinthem——tobesoconsoledandcomforted,andtobelievethatallthedevotionofthisgreatnaturewasturnedtohiminhisadversitytopouroutitsinexhaustiblewealthofgoodnessuponhim,didnotsteadyClennam’stremblingvoiceorhand,orstrengthenhiminhisweakness。Yetitinspiredhimwithaninwardfortitude,thatrosewithhislove。Andhowdearlyhelovedhernow,whatwordscantell!
Astheysatsidebysideintheshadowofthewall,theshadowfelllikelightuponhim。Shewouldnotlethimspeakmuch,andhelaybackinhischair,lookingather。Nowandagainshewouldriseandgivehimtheglassthathemightdrink,orwouldsmooththeresting-placeofhishead;thenshewouldgentlyresumeherseatbyhim,andbendoverherworkagain。
Theshadowmovedwiththesun,butshenevermovedfromhisside,excepttowaituponhim。Thesunwentdownandshewasstillthere。Shehaddoneherworknow,andherhand,falteringonthearmofhischairsinceitslasttendingofhim,washesitatingthereyet。Helaidhishanduponit,anditclaspedhimwithatremblingsupplication。
’DearMrClennam,ImustsaysomethingtoyoubeforeIgo。Ihaveputitofffromhourtohour,butImustsayit。’
’Itoo,dearLittleDorrit。IhaveputoffwhatImustsay。’
Shenervouslymovedherhandtowardshislipsasiftostophim;
thenitdropped,trembling,intoitsformerplace。
’Iamnotgoingabroadagain。Mybrotheris,butIamnot。Hewasalwaysattachedtome,andheissogratefultomenow——somuchtoograteful,foritisonlybecauseIhappenedtobewithhiminhisillness——thathesaysIshallbefreetostaywhereIlikebest,andtodowhatIlikebest。Heonlywishesmetobehappy,hesays。’
Therewasonebrightstarshininginthesky。ShelookedupatitWhileshespoke,asifitweretheferventpurposeofherownheartshiningaboveher。
’Youwillunderstand,Idaresay,withoutmytellingyou,thatmybrotherhascomehometofindmydearfather’swill,andtotakepossessionofhisproperty。Hesays,ifthereisawill,heissureishallbeleftrich;andifthereisnone,thathewillmakemeso。’
Hewouldhavespoken;butsheputuphertremblinghandagain,andhestopped。
’Ihavenouseformoney,Ihavenowishforit。Itwouldbeofnovalueatalltomebutforyoursake。Icouldnotberich,andyouhere。Imustalwaysbemuchworsethanpoor,withyoudistressed。
WillyouletmelendyouallIhave?Willyouletmegiveityou?
WillyouletmeshowyouthatIhaveneverforgotten,thatInevercanforget,yourprotectionofmewhenthiswasmyhome?DearMrClennam,makemeofalltheworldthehappiest,bysayingYes。
MakemeashappyasIcanbeinleavingyouhere,bysayingnothingto-night,andlettingmegoawaywiththehopethatyouwillthinkofitkindly;andthatformysake——notforyours,formine,fornobody’sbutmine!——youwillgivemethegreatestjoyIcanexperienceonearth,thejoyofknowingthatIhavebeenserviceabletoyou,andthatIhavepaidsomelittleofthegreatdebtofmyaffectionandgratitude。Ican’tsaywhatIwishtosay。Ican’tvisityouherewhereIhavelivedsolong,Ican’tthinkofyouherewhereIhaveseensomuch,andbeascalmandcomfortingasIought。Mytearswillmaketheirway。Icannotkeepthemback。Butpray,pray,pray,donotturnfromyourLittleDorrit,now,inyouraffliction!Pray,pray,pray,Ibegyouandimploreyouwithallmygrievingheart,myfriend——mydear!——takeallIhave,andmakeitaBlessingtome!’
Thestarhadshoneonherfaceuntilnow,whenherfacesankuponhishandandherown。
Ithadgrowndarkerwhenheraisedherinhisencirclingarm,andsoftlyansweredher。
’No,darlingLittleDorrit。No,mychild。Imustnothearofsuchasacrifice。Libertyandhopewouldbesodear,boughtatsuchaprice,thatIcouldneversupporttheirweight,neverbearthereproachofpossessingthem。ButwithwhatardentthankfulnessandloveIsaythis,ImaycallHeaventowitness!’
’Andyetyouwillnotletmebefaithfultoyouinyouraffliction?’
’Say,dearestLittleDorrit,andyetIwilltrytobefaithfultoyou。If,inthebygonedayswhenthiswasyourhomeandwhenthiswasyourdress,IhadunderstoodmyselfIspeakonlyofmyself
better,andhadreadthesecretsofmyownbreastmoredistinctly;
if,throughmyreserveandself-mistrust,IhaddiscernedalightthatIseebrightlynowwhenithaspassedfaraway,andmyweakfootstepscanneverovertakeit;ifIhadthenknown,andtoldyouthatIlovedandhonouredyou,notasthepoorchildIusedtocallyou,butasawomanwhosetruehandwouldraisemehighabovemyselfandmakemeafarhappierandbetterman;ifIhadsousedtheopportunitythereisnorecalling——asIwishIhad,OIwishI
had!——andifsomethinghadkeptusapartthen,whenIwasmoderatelythriving,andwhenyouwerepoor;Imighthavemetyournobleofferofyourfortune,dearestgirl,withotherwordsthanthese,andstillhaveblushedtotouchit。But,asitis,Imustnevertouchit,never!’
Shebesoughthim,morepatheticallyandearnestly,withherlittlesupplicatoryhand,thanshecouldhavedoneinanywords。
’Iamdisgracedenough,myLittleDorrit。Imustnotdescendsolowasthat,andcarryyou——sodear,sogenerous,sogood——downwithme。GODblessyou,GODrewardyou!Itispast。’Hetookherinhisarms,asifshehadbeenhisdaughter。
’Alwayssomucholder,somuchrougher,andsomuchlessworthy,evenwhatIwasmustbedismissedbybothofus,andyoumustseemeonlyasIam。Iputthispartingkissuponyourcheek,mychild——whomighthavebeenmoreneartome,whonevercouldhavebeenmoredear——aruinedmanfarremovedfromyou,foreverseparatedfromyou,whosecourseisrunwhileyoursisbutbeginning。Ihavenotthecouragetoasktobeforgottenbyyouinmyhumiliation;butIasktoberememberedonlyasIam。’
Thebellbegantoring,warningvisitorstodepart。Hetookhermantlefromthewall,andtenderlywrappeditroundher。
’Oneotherword,myLittleDorrit。Ahardonetome,butitisanecessaryone。Thetimewhenyouandthisprisonhadanythingincommonhaslonggoneby。Doyouunderstand?’
’O!youwillneversaytome,’shecried,weepingbitterly,andholdingupherclaspedhandsinentreaty,’thatIamnottocomebackanymore!Youwillsurelynotdesertmeso!’
’Iwouldsayit,ifIcould;butIhavenotthecouragequitetoshutoutthisdearface,andabandonallhopeofitsreturn。Butdonotcomesoon,donotcomeoften!Thisisnowataintedplace,andIwellknowthetaintofitclingstome。Youbelongtomuchbrighterandbetterscenes。Youarenottolookbackhere,myLittleDorrit;youaretolookawaytoverydifferentandmuchhappierpaths。Again,GODblessyouinthem!GODrewardyou!’
Maggy,whohadfallenintoverylowspirits,herecried,’Ohgethimintoahospital;dogethimintoahospital,Mother!He’llneverlooklikehisselfagain,ifhean’tgotintoahospital。Andthenthelittlewomanaswasalwaysaspinningatherwheel,shecangotothecupboardwiththePrincess,andsay,whatdoyoukeeptheChickingtherefor?andthentheycantakeitoutandgiveittohim,andthenallbehappy!’
Theinterruptionwasseasonable,forthebellhadnearlyrungitselfout。Againtenderlywrappinghermantleabouther,andtakingheronhisarmthough,butforhervisit,hewasalmosttooweaktowalk,ArthurledLittleDorritdown-stairs。ShewasthelastvisitortopassoutattheLodge,andthegatejarredheavilyandhopelesslyuponher。
WiththefuneralclangthatitsoundedintoArthur’sheart,hissenseofweaknessreturned。Itwasatoilsomejourneyup-stairstohisroom,andhere-entereditsdarksolitaryprecinctsinunutterablemisery。
Whenitwasalmostmidnight,andtheprisonhadlongbeenquiet,acautiouscreakcameupthestairs,andacautioustapofakeywasgivenathisdoor。ItwasYoungJohn。Heglidedin,inhisstockings,andheldthedoorclosed,whilehespokeinawhisper。
’It’sagainstallrules,butIdon’tmind。Iwasdeterminedtocomethrough,andcometoyou。’
’Whatisthematter?’
’Nothing’sthematter,sir。Iwaswaitinginthecourt-yardforMissDorritwhenshecameout。Ithoughtyou’dlikesomeonetoseethatshewassafe。’
’Thankyou,thankyou!Youtookherhome,John?’
’Isawhertoherhotel。ThesamethatMrDorritwasat。MissDorritwalkedalltheway,andtalkedtomesokind,itquiteknockedmeover。Whydoyouthinkshewalkedinsteadofriding?’
’Idon’tknow,John。’
’Totalkaboutyou。Shesaidtome,“John,youwasalwayshonourable,andifyou’llpromisemethatyouwilltakecareofhim,andneverlethimwantforhelpandcomfortwhenIamnotthere,mymindwillbeatrestsofar。“Ipromisedher。AndI’llstandbyyou,’saidJohnChivery,’forever!’
Clennam,muchaffected,stretchedouthishandtothishonestspirit。
’BeforeItakeit,’saidJohn,lookingatit,withoutcomingfromthedoor,’guesswhatmessageMissDorritgaveme。’
Clennamshookhishead。
’“Tellhim,“’repeatedJohn,inadistinct,thoughquaveringvoice,’“thathisLittleDorritsenthimherundyinglove。“Nowit’sdelivered。HaveIbeenhonourable,sir?’
’Very,very!’
’WillyoutellMissDorritI’vebeenhonourable,sir?’
’Iwillindeed。’
’There’smyhand,sir,’saidjohn,’andI’llstandbyyouforever!’
Afteraheartysqueeze,hedisappearedwiththesamecautiouscreakuponthestair,creptshoelessoverthepavementoftheyard,and,lockingthegatesbehindhim,passedoutintothefrontwherehehadlefthisshoes。Ifthesamewayhadbeenpavedwithburningploughshares,itisnotatallimprobablethatJohnwouldhavetraverseditwiththesamedevotion,forthesamepurpose。