Theystoodpossessedbythesamethought,uglyenough,evenasanassumption:thataunionbetweenthem,hadsuchbeenpossible,wouldhavemeantaterribleintensificationofunfitness-twobittersinonedish。
`Oh,buttherecan’tbeanythinginit!’shesaidwithnervouslightness。`Ourfamilyhavebeenunluckyoflateyearsinchoosingmates-that’sall。’
Andthentheypretendedtopersuadethemselvesthatallthathadhappenedwasofnoconsequence,andthattheycouldstillbecousinsandfriendsandwarmcorrespondents,andhavehappygenialtimeswhentheymet,eveniftheymetlessfrequentlythanbefore。Theirpartingwasingoodfriendship,andyetJude’slastlookintohereyeswastingedwithinquiry,forhefeltthathedidnotevennowquiteknowhermind。
JudetheObscureChapter25III-viiTidingsfromSueadayortwoafterpassedacrossJudelikeawitheringblast。
Beforereadingtheletterhewasledtosuspectthatitscontentswereofasomewhatseriouskindbycatchingsightofthesignature-whichwasinherfullname,neverusedinhercorrespondencewithhimsinceherfirstnote:
MydearJude,-Ihavesomethingtotellyouwhichperhapsyouwillnotbesurprisedtohear,thoughcertainlyitmaystrikeyouasbeingacceleratedastherailwaycompaniessayoftheirtrains。Mr。PhillotsonandIaretobemarriedquitesoon-inthreeorfourweeks。Wehadintended,asyouknow,towaittillIhadgonethroughmycourseoftrainingandobtainedmycertificate,soastoassisthim,ifnecessary,intheteaching。
Buthegenerouslysayshedoesnotseeanyobjectinwaiting,nowIamnotatthetrainingschool。Itissogoodofhim,becausetheawkwardnessofmysituationhasreallycomeaboutbymyfaultingettingexpelled。
Wishmejoy。RememberIsayyouareto,andyoumustn’trefuse!-
Youraffectionatecousin,SusannaFlorenceMaryBridehead。Judestaggeredunderthenews;couldeatnobreakfast;andkeptondrinkingteabecausehismouthwassodry。Thenpresentlyhewentbacktohisworkandlaughedtheusualbitterlaughofamansoconfronted。Everythingseemedturningtosatire。Andyet,whatcouldthepoorgirldo?heaskedhimself:
andfeltworsethansheddingtears。
`OSusannaFlorenceMary!’hesaidasheworked。`Youdon’tknowwhatmarriagemeans!’
Coulditbepossiblethathisannouncementofhisownmarriagehadprickedherontothis,justashisvisittoherwheninliquormayhaveprickedherontoherengagement?Tobesure,thereseemedtoexisttheseotherandsufficientreasons,practicalandsocial,forherdecision;
butSuewasnotaverypracticalorcalculatingperson;andhewascompelledtothinkthatapiqueathavinghissecretsprunguponherhadmovedhertogivewaytoPhillotson’sprobablerepresentations,thatthebestcoursetoprovehowunfoundedwerethesuspicionsoftheschoolauthoritieswouldbetomarryhimoff-hand,asinfulfilmentofanordinaryengagement。Suehad,infact,beenplacedinanawkwardcorner。PoorSue!
HedeterminedtoplaytheSpartan;tomakethebestofit,andsupporther;buthecouldnotwritetherequestedgoodwishesforadayortwo。Meanwhiletherecameanothernotefromhisimpatientlittledear:
Jude,willyougivemeaway?Ihavenobodyelsewhocoulddoitsoconvenientlyasyou,beingtheonlymarriedrelationIhavehereonthespot,evenifmyfatherwerefriendlyenoughtobewilling,whichheisn’t。Ihopeyouwon’tthinkitatrouble?Ihavebeenlookingatthemarriageserviceintheprayer-book,anditseemstomeveryhumiliatingthatagiver-awayshouldberequiredatall。Accordingtotheceremonyasthereprinted,mybridegroomchoosesmeofhisownwillandpleasure;
butIdon’tchoosehim。Somebodygivesmetohim,likeashe-assorshe-goat,oranyotherdomesticanimal。Blessyourexaltedviewsofwoman,Ochurchman!ButIforget:Iamnolongerprivilegedtoteaseyou-
Ever,SusannaFlorenceMaryBridehead。Judescrewedhimselfuptoheroickey;andreplied:
MydearSue,-OfcourseIwishyoujoy!AndalsoofcourseIwillgiveyouaway。WhatIsuggestisthat,asyouhavenohouseofyourown,youdonotmarryfromyourschoolfriend’s,butfrommine。Itwouldbemoreproper,Ithink,sinceIam,asyousay,thepersonnearestrelatedtoyouinthispartoftheworld。
Idon’tseewhyyousignyourletterinsuchanewandterriblyformalway?Surelyyoucareabitaboutmestill!-Everyouraffectionate,Jude。Whathadjarredonhimevenmorethanthesignaturewasalittlestinghehadbeensilenton-thephrase`marriedrelation’-Whatanidiotitmadehimseemasherlover!IfSuehadwrittenthatinsatire,hecouldhardlyforgiveher;ifinsuffering-ah,thatwasanotherthing!
HisofferofhislodgingmusthavecommendeditselftoPhillotsonatanyrate,fortheschoolmastersenthimalineofwarmthanks,acceptingtheconvenience。Suealsothankedhim。Judeimmediatelymovedintomorecommodiousquarters,asmuchtoescapetheespionageofthesuspiciouslandladywhohadbeenonecauseofSue’sunpleasantexperienceasforthesakeofroom。
ThenSuewrotetotellhimthedayfixedforthewedding;andJudedecided,afterinquiry,thatsheshouldcomeintoresidenceonthefollowingSaturday,whichwouldallowofatendays’stayinthecitypriortotheceremony,sufficientlyrepresentinganominalresidenceoffifteen。
Shearrivedbytheteno’clocktrainonthedayaforesaid,Judenotgoingtomeetheratthestation,byherspecialrequest,thatheshouldnotloseamorning’sworkandpay,shesaidifthiswerehertruereason。
ButsowellbythistimedidheknowSuethattheremembranceoftheirmutualsensitivenessatemotionalcrisesmight,hethought,haveweighedwithherinthis。Whenhecamehometodinnershehadtakenpossessionofherapartment。
Shelivedinthesamehousewithhim,butonadifferentfloor,andtheysaweachotherlittle,anoccasionalsupperbeingtheonlymealtheytooktogether,whenSue’smannerwassomethinglikethatofascaredchild。Whatshefelthedidnotknow;theirconversationwasmechanical,thoughshedidnotlookpaleorill。Phillotsoncamefrequently,butmostlywhenJudewasabsent。Onthemorningofthewedding,whenJudehadgivenhimselfaholiday,Sueandhercousinhadbreakfasttogetherforthefirstandlasttimeduringthiscuriousinterval;inhisroom-theparlour-
whichhehadhiredfortheperiodofSue’sresidence。Seeing,aswomendo,howhelplesshewasinmakingtheplacecomfortable,shebustledabout。
`What’sthematter,Jude?’shesaidsuddenly。
Hewasleaningwithhiselbowsonthetableandhischinonhishands,lookingintoafuturitywhichseemedtobesketchedoutonthetablecloth。
`Oh-nothing!’
`Youare`father’,youknow。That’swhattheycallthemanwhogivesyouaway。’
Judecouldhavesaid`Phillotson’sageentitleshimtobecalledthat!’Buthewouldnotannoyherbysuchacheapretort。
Shetalkedincessantly,asifshedreadedhisindulgenceinreflection,andbeforethemealwasoverbothheandshewishedtheyhadnotputsuchconfidenceintheirnewviewofthings,andhadtakenbreakfastapart。
WhatoppressedJudewasthethoughtthat,havingdoneawrongthingofthissorthimself,hewasaidingandabettingthewomanhelovedindoingalikewrongthing,insteadofimploringandwarningheragainstit。Itwasonhistonguetosay,`Youhavequitemadeupyourmind?’
Afterbreakfasttheywentoutonanerrandtogethermovedbyamutualthoughtthatitwasthelastopportunitytheywouldhaveofindulginginunceremoniouscompanionship。Bytheironyoffate,andthecurioustrickinSue’snatureoftemptingProvidenceatcriticaltimes,shetookhisarmastheywalkedthroughthemuddystreet-athingshehadneverdonebeforeinherlife-andonturningthecornertheyfoundthemselvesclosetoagreyperpendicularchurchwithalow-pitchedroof-thechurchofSt。Thomas。
`That’sthechurch,’saidJude。
`WhereIamgoingtobemarried?’
`Yes。’
`Indeed!’sheexclaimedwithcuriosity。`HowIshouldliketogoinandseewhatthespotislikewhereIamsosoontokneelanddoit。’
Againhesaidtohimself,`Shedoesnotrealizewhatmarriagemeans!’
Hepassivelyacquiescedinherwishtogoin,andtheyenteredbythewesterndoor。Theonlypersoninsidethegloomybuildingwasacharwomancleaning。SuestillheldJude’sarm,almostasifshelovedhim。Cruellysweet,indeed,shehadbeentohimthatmorning;buthisthoughtsofapenanceinstoreforherweretemperedbyanache:
`……IcanfindnowayHowablowshouldfall,suchasfallsonmen,Norprovetoomuchforyourwomanhood!’Theystrolledundemonstrativelyupthenavetowardsthealtarrailing,whichtheystoodagainstinsilence,turningthenandwalkingdownthenaveagain,herhandstillonhisarm,preciselylikeacouplejustmarried。
Thetoosuggestiveincident,entirelyofhermaking,nearlybrokedownJude。
`Iliketodothingslikethis,’shesaidinthedelicatevoiceofanepicureinemotions,whichleftnodoubtthatshespokethetruth。
`Iknowyoudo!’saidJude。
`Theyareinteresting,becausetheyhaveprobablyneverbeendonebefore。Ishallwalkdownthechurchlikethiswithmyhusbandinabouttwohours,shan’tI!’
`Nodoubtyouwill!’
`Wasitlikethiswhenyouweremarried?’
`GoodGod,Sue-don’tbesoawfullymerciless!……There,dearone,Ididn’tmeanit!’
`Ah-youarevexed!’shesaidregretfully,assheblinkedawayanaccessofeyemoisture。`AndIpromisednevertovexyou!……IsupposeIoughtnottohaveaskedyoutobringmeinhere。Oh,Ioughtn’t!Iseeitnow。Mycuriositytohuntupanewsensationalwaysleadsmeintothesescrapes。Forgiveme!……Youwill,won’tyou,Jude?’
TheappealwassoremorsefulthatJude’seyeswereevenwetterthanhersashepressedherhandforYes。
`Nowwe’llhurryaway,andIwon’tdoitanymore!’shecontinuedhumbly;andtheycameoutofthebuilding,SueintendingtogoontothestationtomeetPhillotson。Butthefirstpersontheyencounteredonenteringthemainstreetwastheschoolmasterhimself,whosetrainhadarrivedsoonerthanSueexpected。TherewasnothingreallytodemurtoinherleaningonJude’sarm;butshewithdrewherhand,andJudethoughtthatPhillotsonhadlookedsurprised。
`Wehavebeendoingsuchafunnything!’saidshe,smilingcandidly。
`We’vebeentothechurch,rehearsingasitwere。Haven’twe,Jude?’
`How?’saidPhillotsoncuriously。
Judeinwardlydeploredwhathethoughttobeunnecessaryfrankness;
butshehadgonetoofarnottoexplainall,whichsheaccordinglydid,tellinghimhowtheyhadmarcheduptothealtar。
SeeinghowpuzzledPhillotsonseemed,Judesaidascheerfullyashecould,`Iamgoingtobuyheranotherlittlepresent。Willyoubothcometotheshopwithme?’
`No,’saidSue,`I’llgoontothehousewithhim’;andrequestingherlovernottobealongtimeshedepartedwiththeschoolmaster。
Judesoonjoinedthemathisrooms,andshortlyaftertheypreparedfortheceremony。Phillotson’shairwasbrushedtoapainfulextent,andhisshirtcollarappearedstifferthanithadbeenfortheprevioustwentyyears。Beyondthishelookeddignifiedandthoughtful,andaltogetheramanofwhomitwasnotunsafetopredictthathewouldmakeakindandconsideratehusband。ThatheadoredSuewasobvious;andshecouldalmostbeseentofeelthatshewasundeservinghisadoration。
AlthoughthedistancewassoshorthehadhiredaflyfromtheRedLion,andsixorsevenwomenandchildrenhadgatheredbythedoorwhentheycameout。TheschoolmasterandSuewereunknown,thoughJudewasgettingtoberecognizedasacitizen;andthecouplewerejudgedtobesomerelationsofhisfromadistance,nobodysupposingSuetohavebeenarecentpupilatthetrainingschool。
InthecarriageJudetookfromhispockethisextralittlewedding-present,whichturnedouttobetwoorthreeyardsofwhitetulle,whichhethrewoverherbonnetandall,asaveil。
`Itlookssooddoverabonnet,’shesaid。`I’lltakethebonnetoff。’
`Ohno-letitstay,’saidPhillotson。Andsheobeyed。
WhentheyhadpassedupthechurchandwerestandingintheirplacesJudefoundthattheantecedentvisithadcertainlytakenofftheedgeofthisperformance,butbythetimetheywerehalf-wayonwiththeservicehewishedfromhisheartthathehadnotundertakenthebusinessofgivingheraway。HowcouldSuehavehadthetemeritytoaskhimtodoit-acrueltypossiblytoherselfaswellastohim?Womenweredifferentfrommeninsuchmatters。Wasitthattheywere,insteadofmoresensitive,asreputed,morecallous,andlessromantic;orweretheymoreheroic?