couldn’thelpit，althoughIhavebeen-pretendingIamhappy-Nowyou’llhaveacontemptformeforever，Isuppose！’Shebentdownherfaceuponherhandsastheylayuponthecloth，andsilentlysobbedinlittlejerksthatmadethefragilethree-leggedtablequiver。
　　`Ihaveonlybeenmarriedamonthortwo！’shewenton，stillremainingbentuponthetable，andsobbingintoherhands。`Anditissaidthatwhatawomanshrinksfrom-intheearlydaysofhermarriage-sheshakesdowntowithcomfortableindifferenceinhalfadozenyears。Butthatismuchlikesayingthattheamputationofalimbisnoaffliction，sinceapersongetscomfortablyaccustomedtotheuseofawoodenlegorarminthecourseoftime！’
　　Judecouldhardlyspeak，buthesaid，`Ithoughttherewassomethingwrong，Sue！Oh，Ithoughttherewas！’
　　`Butitisnotasyouthink！-thereisnothingwrongexceptmyownwickedness，Isupposeyou’dcallit-arepugnanceonmypart，forareasonIcannotdisclose，andwhatwouldnotbeadmittedasonebytheworldingeneral！……Whattorturesmesomuchisthenecessityofbeingresponsivetothismanwheneverhewishes，goodasheismorally！-thedreadfulcontracttofeelinaparticularwayinamatterwhoseessenceisitsvoluntariness！……Iwishhewouldbeatme，orbefaithlesstome，ordosomeopenthingthatIcouldtalkaboutasajustificationforfeelingasIdo！Buthedoesnothing，exceptthathehasgrownalittlecoldsincehehasfoundouthowIfeel。That’swhyhedidn’tcometothefuneral……
　　Oh，Iamverymiserable-Idon’tknowwhattodo！……Don’tcomenearme，Jude，becauseyoumustn’t。Don’t-don’t！’
　　Buthehadjumpedupandputhisfaceagainsthers-orratheragainstherear，herfacebeinginaccessible。
　　`Itoldyounotto，Jude！’
　　`Iknowyoudid-Ionlywishto-consoleyou！Itallarosethroughmybeingmarriedbeforewemet，didn’tit？Youwouldhavebeenmywife，Sue，wouldn’tyou，ifithadn’tbeenforthat？’
　　Insteadofreplyingsherosequickly，andsayingshewasgoingtowalktoheraunt’sgraveinthechurchyardtorecoverherself，wentoutofthehouse。Judedidnotfollowher。TwentyminuteslaterhesawhercrossthevillagegreentowardsMrs。Edlin’s，andsoonshesentalittlegirltofetchherbag，andtellhimshewastootiredtoseehimagainthatnight。
　　Inthelonelyroomofhisaunt’shouse，JudesatwatchingthecottageoftheWidowEdlinasitdisappearedbehindthenightshade。HeknewthatSuewassittingwithinitswallsequallylonelyanddisheartened；
　　andagainquestionedhisdevotionalmottothatallwasforthebest。
　　Heretiredtorestearly，buthissleepwasfitfulfromthesensethatSuewassonearathand。Atsometimeneartwoo’clock，whenhewasbeginningtosleepmoresoundly，hewasarousedbyashrillsqueakthathadbeenfamiliarenoughtohimwhenhelivedregularlyatMarygreen。Itwasthecryofarabbitcaughtinagin。Aswasthelittlecreature’shabit，itdidnotsoonrepeatitscry；andprobablywouldnotdosomorethanonceortwice；butwouldremainbearingitstorturetillthemorrowwhenthetrapperwouldcomeandknockitonthehead。
　　Hewhoinhischildhoodhadsavedthelivesoftheearthwormsnowbegantopicturetheagoniesoftherabbitfromitslaceratedleg。
　　Ifitwerea`badcatch’bythehind-leg，theanimalwouldtugduringtheensuingsixhourstilltheironteethofthetraphadstrippedtheleg-boneofitsflesh，when，shouldaweak-springedinstrumentenableittoescape，itwoulddieinthefieldsfromthemortificationofthelimb。Ifitwerea`goodcatch，’namely，bythefore-leg，thebonewouldbebrokenandthelimbnearlytornintwoinattemptsatanimpossibleescape。
　　Almosthalfanhourpassed，andtherabbitrepeateditscry。Judecouldrestnolongertillhehadputitoutofitspain，sodressinghimselfquicklyhedescended，andbythelightofthemoonwentacrossthegreeninthedirectionofthesound。Hereachedthehedgeborderingthewidow’sgarden，whenhestoodstill。Thefaintclickofthetrapasdraggedaboutbythewrithinganimalguidedhimnow，andreachingthespothestrucktherabbitonthebackoftheneckwiththesideofhispalm，anditstretcheditselfoutdead。
　　Hewasturningawaywhenhesawawomanlookingoutoftheopencasementatawindowonthegroundflooroftheadjacentcottage。`Jude！’
　　saidavoicetimidly-Sue’svoice。`Itisyou-isitnot？’
　　`Yes，dear！’
　　`Ihaven’tbeenabletosleepatall，andthenIheardtherabbit，andcouldn’thelpthinkingofwhatitsuffered，tillIfeltImustcomedownandkillit！ButIamsogladyougottherefirst……Theyoughtnottobeallowedtosetthesesteeltraps，oughtthey！’
　　Judehadreachedthewindow，whichwasquitealowone，sothatshewasvisibledowntoherwaist。Sheletgothecasement-stayandputherhanduponhis，hermoonlitfaceregardinghimwistfully。
　　`Diditkeepyouawake？’hesaid。
　　`No-Iwasawake。’
　　`Howwasthat？’
　　`Oh，youknow-now！Iknowyou，withyourreligiousdoctrines，thinkthatamarriedwomanintroubleofakindlikeminecommitsamortalsininmakingamantheconfidantofit，asIdidyou。IwishIhadn’t，now！’
　　`Don’twishit，dear，’hesaid。`Thatmayhavebeenmyview；butmydoctrinesandIbegintopartcompany。’
　　`Iknewit-Iknewit！Andthat’swhyIvowedIwouldn’tdisturbyourbelief。But-Iamsogladtoseeyou！-and，oh，Ididn’tmeantoseeyouagain，nowthelasttiebetweenus，AuntDrusilla，isdead！’
　　Judeseizedherhandandkissedit。`Thereisastrongeroneleft！’
　　hesaid。`I’llnevercareaboutmydoctrinesormyreligionanymore！Letthemgo！Letmehelpyou，evenifIdoloveyou，andevenifyou……’
　　`Don’tsayit！-Iknowwhatyoumean；butIcan’tadmitsomuchasthat。There！Guesswhatyoulike，butdon’tpressmetoanswerquestions！’
　　`Iwishyouwerehappy，whateverImaybe！’
　　`Ican’tbe！Sofewcouldenterintomyfeeling-theywouldsay’twasmyfancifulfastidiousness，orsomethingofthatsort，andcondemnme……Itisnoneofthenaturaltragediesoflovethat’slove’susualtragedyincivilizedlife，butatragedyartificiallymanufacturedforpeoplewhoinanaturalstatewouldfindreliefinparting！……Itwouldhavebeenwrong，perhaps，formetotellmydistresstoyou，ifIhadbeenabletotellittoanybodyelse。ButIhavenobody。AndImusttellsomebody！Jude，beforeImarriedhimIhadneverthoughtoutfullywhatmarriagemeant，eventhoughIknew。Itwasidioticofme-thereisnoexcuse。Iwasoldenough，andIthoughtIwasveryexperienced。SoIrushedon，whenIhadgotintothattrainingschoolscrape，withallthecock-surenessofthefoolthatIwas！……Iamcertainoneoughttobeallowedtoundowhatonehaddonesoignorantly！Idaresayithappenstolotsofwomen，onlytheysubmit，andIkick……Whenpeopleofalateragelookbackuponthebarbarouscustomsandsuperstitionsofthetimesthatwehavetheunhappinesstolivein，whatwilltheysay！’
　　`Youareverybitter，darlingSue！HowIwish-Iwish——’
　　`Youmustgoinnow！’
　　Inamomentofimpulseshebentoverthesill，andlaidherfaceuponhishair，weeping，andthenimprintingascarcelyperceptiblelittlekissuponthetopofhishead，withdrawingquickly，sothathecouldnotputhisarmsroundher，asotherwiseheunquestionablywouldhavedone。
　　Sheshutthecasement，andhereturnedtohiscottage。
　　JudetheObscureChapter31IV-iiiSue’sdistressfulconfessionrecurredtoJude’smindallthenightasbeingasorrowindeed。
　　Themorningafter，whenitwastimeforhertogo，theneighbourssawhercompanionandherselfdisappearingonfootdownthehillpathwhichledintothelonelyroadtoAlfredston。Anhourpassedbeforehereturnedalongthesameroute，andinhisfacetherewasalookofexaltationnotunmixedwithrecklessness。Anincidenthadoccurred。
　　Theyhadstoodpartinginthesilenthighway，andtheirtenseandpassionatemoodshadledtobewilderedinquiriesofeachotheronhowfartheirintimacyoughttogo；tilltheyhadalmostquarrelled，andshesaidtearfullythatitwashardlyproperofhimasaparsoninembryotothinkofsuchathingaskissinghereveninfarewellashenowwishedtodo。Thenshehadconcededthatthefactofthekisswouldbenothing：
　　allwoulddependuponthespiritofit。Ifgiveninthespiritofacousinandafriendshesawnoobjection：ifinthespiritofalovershecouldnotpermitit。`Willyouswearthatitwillnotbeinthatspirit？’shehadsaid。
　　No：hewouldnot。Andthentheyhadturnedfromeachotherinestrangement，andgonetheirseveralways，tillatadistanceoftwentyorthirtyyardsbothhadlookedroundsimultaneously。Thatlookbehindwasfataltothereservehithertomoreorlessmaintained。Theyhadquicklyrunback，andmet，andembracingmostunpremeditatedly，kissedcloseandlong。Whentheypartedforgooditwaswithflushedcheeksonherside，andabeatingheartonhis。
　　Thekisswasaturning-pointinJude’scareer。Backagaininthecottage，andlefttoreflection，hesawonething：thatthoughhiskissofthataerialbeinghadseemedthepurestmomentofhisfaultfullife，aslongashenourishedthisunlicensedtendernessitwasglaringlyinconsistentforhimtopursuetheideaofbecomingthesoldierandservantofareligioninwhichsexuallovewasregardedasatitsbestafrailty，andatitsworstdamnation。WhatSuehadsaidinwarmthwasreallythecoldtruth。
　　Whentodefendhisaffectiontoothandnail，topersistwithheadlongforceinimpassionedattentionstoher，wasallhethoughtof，hewascondemnedipsofactoasaprofessoroftheacceptedschoolofmorals。Hewasasunfit，obviously，bynature，ashehadbeenbysocialposition，tofillthepartofapropounderofaccrediteddogma。
　　Strangethathisfirstaspiration-towardsacademicalproficiency-hadbeencheckedbyawoman，andthathissecondaspiration-towardsapostleship-hadalsobeencheckedbyawoman。`Isit，’hesaid，`thatthewomenaretoblame；orisittheartificialsystemofthings，underwhichthenormalsex-impulsesareturnedintodevilishdomesticginsandspringstonooseandholdbackthosewhowanttoprogress？’
　　Ithadbeenhisstandingdesiretobecomeaprophet，howeverhumble，tohisstrugglingfellow-creatures，withoutanythoughtofpersonalgain。
　　Yetwithawifelivingawayfromhimwithanotherhusband，andhimselfinloveerratically，thelovedone’srevoltagainstherstatebeingpossiblyonhisaccount，hehadsunktobebarelyrespectableaccordingtoregulationviews。
　　Itwasnotforhimtoconsiderfurther：hehadonlytoconfronttheobvious，whichwasthathehadmadehimselfquiteanimpostorasalaw-abidingreligiousteacher。
　　Atduskthateveninghewentintothegardenanddugashallowhole，towhichhebroughtoutallthetheologicalandethicalworksthathepossessed，andhadstoredhere。Heknewthat，inthiscountryoftruebelievers，mostofthemwerenotsaleableatamuchhigherpricethanwaste-papervalue，andpreferredtogetridoftheminhisownway，evenifheshouldsacrificealittlemoneytothesentimentofthusdestroyingthem。Lightingsomeloosepamphletstobeginwith，hecutthevolumesintopiecesaswellashecould，andwithathree-prongedforkshookthemovertheflames。
　　Theykindled，andlightedupthebackofthehouse，thepigsty，andhisownface，tilltheyweremoreorlessconsumed。
　　Thoughhewasalmostastrangerherenow，passingcottagerstalkedtohimoverthegardenhedge。
　　`Burningupyourawldaunt’srubbidge，Isuppose？Ay；alotgetsheapedupinnooksandcornerswhenyou’velivedeightyyearsinonehouse。’
　　Itwasnearlyoneo’clockinthemorningbeforetheleaves，covers，andbindingofJeremyTaylor，Butler，Doddridge，Paley，Pusey，Newmanandtheresthadgonetoashes，butthenightwasquiet，andasheturnedandturnedthepapershredswiththefork，thesenseofbeingnolongerahypocritetohimselfaffordedhismindareliefwhichgavehimcalm。Hemightgoonbelievingasbefore，butheprofessednothing，andnolongerownedandexhibitedenginesoffaithwhich，astheirproprietor，hemightnaturallybesupposedtoexerciseonhimselffirstofall。InhispassionforSuehecouldnowstandasanordinarysinner，andnotasawhitedsepulchre。
　　MeanwhileSue，afterpartingfromhimearlierintheday，hadgonealongtothestation，withtearsinhereyesforhavingrunbackandlethimkissher。Judeoughtnottohavepretendedthathewasnotalover，andmadehergivewaytoanimpulsetoactunconventionally，ifnotwrongly。
　　Shewasinclinedtocallitthelatter；forSue’slogicwasextraordinarilycompounded，andseemedtomaintainthatbeforeathingwasdoneitmightberighttodo，butthatbeingdoneitbecamewrong；or，inotherwords，thatthingswhichwererightintheorywerewronginpractice。