`Butbyyourownwish,dearSue,weareonlytobefriends,notlovers!Itissoveryinconsistentofyouto——’
`Friendscanbejealous!’
`Idon’tseethat。YouconcedenothingtomeandIhavetoconcedeeverythingtoyou。Afterall,youwereongoodtermswithyourhusbandatthattime。’
`No,Iwasn’t,Jude。Ohhowcanyouthinkso!Andyouhavetakenmein,evenifyoudidn’tintendto。’Shewassomortifiedthathewasobligedtotakeherintoherroomandclosethedoorlestthepeopleshouldhear。`Wasitthisroom?Yesitwas-Iseebyyourlookitwas!Iwon’thaveitformine!Ohitwastreacherousofyoutohaveheragain!Ijumpedoutofthewindow!’
`ButSue,shewas,afterall,mylegalwife,ifnot-’
SlippingdownonherkneesSueburiedherfaceinthebedandwept。
`Ineverknewsuchanunreasonable-suchadog-in-the-mangerfeeling,’saidJude。`Iamnottoapproachyou,noranybodyelse!’
`Ohdon’tyouunderstandmyfeeling!Whydon’tyou!
Whyareyousogross!Ijumpedoutofthewindow!’
`Jumpedoutofwindow?’
`Ican’texplain!’
Itwastruethathedidnotunderstandherfeelingsverywell。
Buthedidalittle;andbegantolovehernonetheless。
`I-Ithoughtyoucaredfornobody-desirednobodyintheworldbutmeatthattime-andeversince!’continuedSue。
`Itistrue。Ididnot,anddon’tnow!’saidJude,asdistressedasshe。
`Butyoumusthavethoughtmuchofher!Or-’
`No-Ineednot-youdon’tunderstandmeeither-womenneverdo!Whyshouldyougetintosuchatantrumaboutnothing?’
Lookingupfromthequiltshepoutedprovokingly:`Ifithadn’tbeenforthat,perhapsIwouldhavegoneontotheTemperanceHotel,afterall,asyouproposed;forIwasbeginningtothinkIdidbelongtoyou!’
`Oh,itisofnoconsequence!’saidJudedistantly。
`Ithought,ofcourse,thatshehadneverbeenreallyyourwifesincesheleftyouofherownaccordyearsandyearsago!Mysenseofitwas,thatapartingsuchasyoursfromher,andminefromhim,endedthemarriage。’
`Ican’tsaymorewithoutspeakingagainsther,andIdon’twanttodothat,’saidhe。`YetImusttellyouonething,whichwouldsettlethematterinanycase。Shehasmarriedanotherman-reallymarriedhim!
Iknewnothingaboutittillafterthevisitwemadehere。’
`Marriedanother?……Itisacrime-astheworldtreatsit,butdoesnotbelieve。’
`There-nowyouareyourselfagain。Yes,itisacrime-asyoudon’thold,butwouldfearfullyconcede。ButIshallneverinformagainsther!Anditisevidentlyaprickofconscienceinherthathasledhertourgemetogetadivorce,thatshemayremarrythismanlegally。SoyouperceiveIshallnotbelikelytoseeheragain。’
`Andyoudidn’treallyknowanythingofthiswhenyousawher?’
saidSuemoregently,assherose。
`Ididnot。Consideringallthings,Idon’tthinkyououghttobeangry,darling!’
`Iamnot。ButIshan’tgototheTemperanceHotel!’
Helaughed。`Nevermind!’hesaid。`SothatIamnearyou,Iamcomparativelyhappy。ItismorethanthisearthlywretchcalledMedeserves-youspirit,youdisembodiedcreature,youdear,sweet,tantalizingphantom-hardlyfleshatall;sothatwhenIputmyarmsroundyouIalmostexpectthemtopassthroughyouasthroughair!Forgivemeforbeinggross,asyoucallit!Rememberthatourcallingcousinswhenreallystrangerswasasnare。Theenmityofourparentsgaveapiquancytoyouinmyeyesthatwasintensereventhanthenoveltyofordinarynewacquaintance。’
`Saythoseprettylines,then,fromShelley’s`Epipsychidion’
asiftheymeantme!’shesolicited,slantingupclosertohimastheystood。`Don’tyouknowthem?’
`Iknowhardlyanypoetry,’herepliedmournfully。
`Don’tyou?Thesearesomeofthem:
TherewasaBeingwhommyspiritoftMetonitsvisionedwanderingsfaraloft……AseraphofHeaven,toogentletobehuman,Veilingbeneaththatradiantformofwoman……Ohitistooflattering,soIwon’tgoon!Butsayit’sme!Sayit’sme!’
`Itisyou,dear;exactlylikeyou!’
`NowIforgiveyou!Andyoushallkissmejustoncethere-notverylong。’Sheputthetipofherfingergingerlytohercheek;andhedidascommanded。`Youdocareformeverymuch,don’tyou,inspiteofmynot-youknow?’
`Yes,sweet!’hesaidwithasigh;andbadehergood-night。
JudetheObscureChapter34IV-viInreturningtohisnativetownofShastonasschoolmasterPhillotsonhadwontheinterestandawakenedthememoriesoftheinhabitants,who,thoughtheydidnothonourhimforhismiscellaneousaquirementsashewouldhavebeenhonouredelsewhere,retainedforhimasincereregard。When,shortlyafterhisarrival,hebroughthomeaprettywife-awkwardlyprettyforhim,ifhedidnottakecare,theysaid-theyweregladtohavehersettleamongthem。
ForsometimeafterherflightfromthathomeSue’sabsencedidnotexcitecomment。Herplaceasmonitorintheschoolwastakenbyanotheryoungwomanwithinafewdaysofhervacatingit,whichsubstitutionalsopassedwithoutremark,Sue’sserviceshavingbeenofaprovisionalnatureonly。When,however,amonthhadpassed,andPhillotsoncasuallyadmittedtoanacquaintancethathedidnotknowwherehiswifewasstaying,curiositybegantobearoused;till,jumpingtoconclusions,peopleventuredtoaffirmthatSuehadplayedhimfalseandrunawayfromhim。Theschoolmaster’sgrowinglanguorandlistlessnessoverhisworkgavecountenancetotheidea。
ThoughPhillotsonhadheldhistongueaslongashecould,excepttohisfriendGillingham,hishonestyanddirectnesswouldnotallowhimtodosowhenmisapprehensionsastoSue’sconductspreadabroad。OnaMondaymorningthechairmanoftheschoolcommitteecalled,andafterattendingtothebusinessoftheschooldrewPhillotsonasideoutofearshotofthechildren。
`You’llexcusemyasking,Phillotson,sinceeverybodyistalkingofit:isthistrueastoyourdomesticaffairs-thatyourwife’sgoingawaywasonnovisit,butasecretelopementwithalover?Ifso,Icondolewithyou。’
`Don’t,’saidPhillotson。`Therewasnosecretaboutit。’
`Shehasgonetovisitfriends?’
`No。’
`Thenwhathashappened?’
`Shehasgoneawayundercircumstancesthatusuallycallforcondolencewiththehusband。ButIgavemyconsent。’
Thechairmanlookedasifhehadnotapprehendedtheremark。
`WhatIsayisquitetrue,’Phillotsoncontinuedtestily。`Sheaskedleavetogoawaywithherlover,andIlether。Whyshouldn’tI?
Awomanoffullage,itwasaquestionofherownconscience-notforme。Iwasnothergaoler。Ican’texplainanyfurther。Idon’twishtobequestioned。’
Thechildrenobservedthatmuchseriousnessmarkedthefacesofthetwomen,andwenthomeandtoldtheirparentsthatsomethingnewhadhappenedaboutMrs。Phillotson。ThenPhillotson’slittlemaidservant,whowasaschoolgirljustoutofherstandards,saidthatMr。Phillotsonhadhelpedinhiswife’spacking,hadofferedherwhatmoneysherequired,andhadwrittenafriendlylettertoheryoungman,tellinghimtotakecareofher。Thechairmanofcommitteethoughtthematterover,andtalkedtotheothermanagersoftheschool,tillarequestcametoPhillotsontomeetthemprivately。Themeetinglastedalongtime,andattheendtheschool-mastercamehome,lookingasusualpaleandworn。Gillinghamwassittinginhishouseawaitinghim。
`Well;itisasyousaid,’observedPhillotson,flinginghimselfdownwearilyinachair。`Theyhaverequestedmetosendinmyresignationonaccountofmyscandalousconductingivingmytorturedwifeherliberty-or,astheycallit,condoningheradultery。ButIshan’tresign!’
`IthinkIwould。’
`Iwon’t。Itisnobusinessoftheirs。Itdoesn’taffectmeinmypubliccapacityatall。Theymayexpelmeiftheylike。’
`Ifyoumakeafussitwillgetintothepapers,andyou’llnevergetappointedtoanotherschool。Yousee,theyhavetoconsiderwhatyoudidasdonebyateacherofyouth-anditseffectsassuchuponthemoralsofthetown;and,toordinaryopinion,yourpositionisindefensible。Youmustletmesaythat。’
Tothisgoodadvice,however,Phillotsonwouldnotlisten。
`Idon’tcare,’hesaid。`Idon’tgounlessIamturnedout。Andforthisreason;thatbyresigningIacknowledgeIhaveactedwronglybyher;whenIammoreandmoreconvincedeverydaythatinthesightofHeavenandbyallnatural,straightforwardhumanity,Ihaveactedrightly。’
Gillinghamsawthathisratherheadstrongfriendwouldnotbeabletomaintainsuchapositionasthis;buthesaidnothingfurther,andinduetime-indeed,inaquarterofanhour-theformalletterofdismissalarrived,themanagershavingremainedbehindtowriteitafterPhillotson’swithdrawal。Thelatterrepliedthatheshouldnotacceptdismissal;
andcalledapublicmeeting,whichheattended,althoughhelookedsoweakandillthathisfriendimploredhimtostayathome。Whenhestooduptogivehisreasonsforcontestingthedecisionofthemanagersheadvancedthemfirmly,ashehaddonetohisfriend,andcontended,moreover,thatthematterwasadomestictheorywhichdidnotconcernthem。Thistheyover-ruled,insistingthattheprivateeccentricitiesofateachercamequitewithintheirsphereofcontrol,asittouchedthemoralsofthosehetaught。Phillotsonrepliedthathedidnotseehowanactofnaturalcharitycouldinjuremorals。
Alltherespectableinhabitantsandwell-to-dofellow-nativesofthetownwereagainstPhillotsontoaman。But,somewhattohissurprise,somedozenormorechampionsroseupinhisdefenceasfromtheground。
IthasbeenstatedthatShastonwastheanchorageofacuriousandinterestinggroupofitinerants,whofrequentedthenumerousfairsandmarketsheldupanddownWessexduringthesummerandautumnmonths。
AlthoughPhillotsonhadneverspokentooneofthesegentlementheynownoblyledtheforlornhopeinhisdefence。ThebodyincludedtwocheapJacks,ashooting-galleryproprietorandtheladieswholoadedtheguns,apairofboxing-masters,asteam-roundaboutmanager,twotravellingbroom-makers,whocalledthemselveswidows,agingerbread-stallkeeper,aswing-boatowner,anda`test-your-strength’man。
Thisgenerousphalanxofsupporters,andafewothersofindependentjudgment,whoseowndomesticexperienceshadbeennotwithoutvicissitude,cameupandwarmlyshookhandswithPhillotson;afterwhichtheyexpressedtheirthoughtssostronglytothemeetingthatissuewasjoined,theresultbeingageneralscuffle,whereinablackboardwassplit,threepanesoftheschoolwindowswerebroken,aninkbottlewasspilledoveratown-councillor’sshirtfront,achurchwardenwasdealtsuchatopperwiththemapofPalestinethathisheadwentrightthroughSamaria,andmanyblackeyesandbleedingnosesweregiven,oneofwhich,toeverybody’shorror,wasthevenerableincumbent’s,owingtothezealofanemancipatedchimney-sweep,whotookthesideofPhillotson’sparty。WhenPhillotsonsawthebloodrunningdowntherector’sfacehedeploredalmostingroanstheuntowardanddegradingcircumstances,regrettedthathehadnotresignedwhencalledupon,andwenthomesoillthatnextmorninghecouldnotleavehisbed。
Thefarcicalyetmelancholyeventwasthebeginningofaseriousillnessforhim;andhelayinhislonelybedinthepatheticstateofmindofamiddle-agedmanwhoperceivesatlengththathislife,intellectualanddomestic,istendingtofailureandgloom。Gillinghamcametoseehimintheevenings,andononeoccasionmentionedSue’sname。
`Shedoesn’tcareanythingaboutme!’saidPhillotson。`Whyshouldshe?’
`Shedoesn’tknowyouareill。’
`Somuchthebetterforbothofus。’
`Whereareherloverandsheliving?’
`AtMelchester-Isuppose;atleasthewaslivingtheresometimeago。’
WhenGillinghamreachedhomehesatandreflected,andatlastwroteananonymouslinetoSue,onthebarechanceofitsreachingher,theletterbeingenclosedinanenvelopeaddressedtoJudeatthediocesancapital。ArrivingatthatplaceitwasforwardedtoMarygreeninNorthWessex,andthencetoAldbrickhambytheonlypersonwhoknewhispresentaddress-thewidowwhohadnursedhisaunt。
Threedayslater,intheevening,whenthesunwasgoingdowninsplendouroverthelowlandsofBlackmoor,andmakingtheShastonwindowsliketonguesoffiretotheeyesoftherusticsinthatvale,thesickmanfanciedthatheheardsomebodycometothehouse,andafewminutesaftertherewasatapatthebedroomdoor。Phillotsondidnotspeak;thedoorwashesitatinglyopened,andthereentered-Sue。