`Butyoucangoandseeherto-morrow,Jude!Don’tgonow,Jude!’
cameinplaintiveaccentsfromthedoorway。`Oh,itisonlytoentrapyou,Iknowitis,asshedidbefore!Don’tgo,dear!Sheissuchalow-passionedwoman-Icanseeitinhershape,andhearitinhervoice!
`ButIshallgo,’saidJude。`Don’tattempttodetainme,Sue。
GodknowsIloveherlittleenoughnow,butIdon’twanttobecrueltoher。’Heturnedtothestairs。
`Butshe’snotyourwife!’criedSuedistractedly。`AndI——
’
`Andyouarenoteither,dear,yet,’saidJude。
`Oh,butareyougoingtoher?Don’t!Stayathome!Please,pleasestayathome,Jude,andnotgotoher,nowshe’snotyourwifeanymorethanI!’
`Well,sheis,rathermorethanyou,cometothat,’hesaid,takinghishatdeterminedly。`I’vewantedyoutobe,andI’vewaitedwiththepatienceofJob,andIdon’tseethatI’vegotanythingbymyself-denial。
Ishallcertainlygivehersomething,andhearwhatitissheissoanxioustotellme;nomancoulddoless!’
Therewasthatinhismannerwhichsheknewitwouldbefutiletooppose。Shesaidnomore,but,turningtoherroomasmeeklyasamartyr,heardhimgodown-stairs,unboltthedoor,andcloseitbehindhim。Withawoman’sdisregardofherdignitywheninthepresenceofnobodybutherself,shealsotrotteddown,sobbingarticulatelyasshewent。Shelistened。
SheknewexactlyhowfaritwastotheinnthatArabellahadnamedasherlodging。Itwouldoccupyaboutsevenminutestogetthereatanordinarywalkingpace;seventocomebackagain。Ifhedidnotreturninfourteenminuteshewouldhavelingered。Shelookedattheclock。Itwastwenty-fiveminutestoeleven。HemightentertheinnwithArabella,astheywouldreachitbeforeclosingtime;shemightgethimtodrinkwithher;
andHeavenonlyknewwhatdisasterswouldbefallhimthen。
Inastillsuspenseshewaitedon。Itseemedasifthewholetimehadnearlyelapsedwhenthedoorwasopenedagain,andJudeappeared。
Suegavealittleecstaticcry。`Oh,IknewIcouldtrustyou!-
howgoodyouare!’-shebegan。
`Ican’tfindheranywhereinthisstreet,andIwentoutinmyslippersonly。Shehaswalkedon,thinkingI’vebeensohard-heartedastorefuseherrequestsentirely,poorwoman。I’vecomebackformyboots,asitisbeginningtorain。’
`Oh,butwhyshouldyoutakesuchtroubleforawomanwhohasservedyousobadly!’saidSueinajealousburstofdisappointment。
`But,Sue,she’sawoman,andIoncecaredforher;andonecan’tbeabruteinsuchcircumstances。’
`Sheisn’tyourwifeanylonger!’exclaimedSue,passionatelyexcited。`Youmustn’tgoouttofindher!Itisn’tright!Youcan’tjoinher,nowshe’sastrangertoyou。Howcanyouforgetsuchathing,mydear,dearone!’
`Sheseemsmuchthesameasever-anerring,careless,unreflectingfellow-creature,’hesaid,continuingtopullonhisboots。`WhatthoselegalfellowshavebeenplayingatinLondonmakesnodifferenceinmyrealrelationstoher。IfshewasmywifewhileshewasawayinAustraliawithanotherhusbandshe’smywifenow。’
`Butshewasn’t!That’sjustwhatIhold!There’stheabsurdity!-
Well-you’llcomestraightback,afterafewminutes,won’tyou,dear?
Sheistoolow,toocoarseforyoutotalktolong,Jude,andwasalways!’
`PerhapsIamcoarsetoo,worseluck!Ihavethegermsofeveryhumaninfirmityinme,Iverilybelieve-thatwaswhyIsawitwassopreposterousofmetothinkofbeingacurate。IhavecuredmyselfofdrunkennessIthink;butIneverknowinwhatnewformasuppressedvicewillbreakoutinme!Idoloveyou,Sue,thoughIhavedancedattendanceonyousolongforsuchpoorreturns!Allthat’sbestandnoblestinmelovesyou,andyourfreedomfromeverythingthat’sgrosshaselevatedme,andenabledmetodowhatIshouldneverhavedreamtmyselfcapableof,oranyman,ayearortwoago。Itisallverywelltopreachaboutself-control,andthewickednessofcoercingawoman。ButIshouldjustlikeafewvirtuouspeoplewhohavecondemnedmeinthepast,aboutArabellaandotherthings,tohavebeeninmytantalizingpositionwithyouthroughtheselateweeks!-
they’dbelieve,Ithink,thatIhaveexercisedsomelittlerestraintinalwaysgivingintoyourwishes-livinghereinonehouse,andnotasoulbetweenus。’
`Yes,youhavebeengoodtome,Jude;Iknowyouhave,mydearprotector。’
`Well-Arabellahasappealedtomeforhelp。Imustgooutandspeaktoher,Sue,atleast!’
`Ican’tsayanymore!-Oh,ifyoumust,youmust!’shesaid,burstingoutintosobsthatseemedtotearherheart。`Ihavenobodybutyou,Jude,andyouaredesertingme!Ididn’tknowyouwerelikethis-
Ican’tbearit,Ican’t!Ifshewereyoursitwouldbedifferent!’
`Orifyouwere。’
`Verywellthen-ifImustImust。Sinceyouwillhaveitso,Iagree!Iwillbe。OnlyIdidn’tmeanto!AndIdidn’twanttomarryagain,either!……But,yes-Iagree,Iagree!Idoloveyou。Ioughttohaveknownthatyouwouldconquerinthelongrun,livinglikethis!’
Sheranacrossandflungherarmsroundhisneck。`Iamnotacold-natured,sexlesscreature,amI,forkeepingyouatsuchadistance?
Iamsureyoudon’tthinkso!Waitandsee!Idobelongtoyou,don’tI?
Igivein!’
`AndI’llarrangeforourmarriageto-morrow,orassoonaseveryouwish。’
`Yes,Jude。’
`ThenI’lllethergo,’saidhe,embracingSuesoftly。`Idofeelthatitwouldbeunfairtoyoutoseeher,andperhapsunfairtoher。Sheisnotlikeyou,mydarling,andneverwas:itisonlybarejusticetosaythat。Don’tcryanymore。There;andthere;andthere!’Hekissedherononeside,andontheother,andinthemiddle,andreboltedthefrontdoor。
Thenextmorningitwaswet。
`Now,dear,’saidJudegailyatbreakfast;`asthisisSaturdayImeantocallaboutthebannsatonce,soastogetthefirstpublishingdoneto-morrow,orweshallloseaweek。Bannswilldo?Weshallsaveapoundortwo。’
Sueabsentlyagreedtobanns。Buthermindforthemomentwasrunningonsomethingelse。Aglowhadpassedawayfromher,anddepressionsatuponherfeatures。
`IfeelIwaswickedlyselfishlastnight!’shemurmured。`Itwassheerunkindnessinme-orworse-totreatArabellaasIdid。Ididn’tcareaboutherbeingintrouble,andwhatshewishedtotellyou!Perhapsitwasreallysomethingshewasjustifiedintellingyou。That’ssomemoreofmybadness,Isuppose!Lovehasitsowndarkmoralitywhenrivalryentersin-atleast,minehas,ifotherpeople’shasn’t……Iwonderhowshegoton?Ihopeshereachedtheinnallright,poorwoman。’
`Ohyes:shegotonallright,’saidJudeplacidly。
`Ihopeshewasn’tshutout,andthatshehadn’ttowalkthestreetsintherain。Doyoumindmyputtingonmywaterproofandgoingtoseeifshegotin?I’vebeenthinkingofherallthemorning。’
`Well-isitnecessary?Youhaven’ttheleastideahowArabellaisabletoshiftforherself。Still,darling,ifyouwanttogoandinquireyoucan。’
TherewasnolimittothestrangeandunnecessarypenanceswhichSuewouldmeeklyundertakewheninacontritemood;andthisgoingtoseeallsortsofextraordinarypersonswhoserelationtoherwaspreciselyofakindthatwouldhavemadeotherpeopleshunthemwasherinstinctever,sothattherequestdidnotsurprisehim。
`Andwhenyoucomeback,’headded,`I’llbereadytogoaboutthebanns。You’llcomewithme?’
Sueagreed,andwentoffundercloakandumbrellalettingJudekissherfreely,andreturninghiskissesinawayshehadneverdonebefore。
Timeshaddecidedlychanged。`Thelittlebirdiscaughtatlast!’shesaid,asadnessshowinginhersmile。
`No-onlynested,’heassuredher。
ShewalkedalongthemuddystreettillshereachedthepublichousementionedbyArabella,whichwasnotsoveryfaroff。ShewasinformedthatArabellahadnotyetleft,andindoubthowtoannounceherselfsothatherpredecessorinJude’saffectionswouldrecognizeher,shesentupwordthatafriendfromSpringStreethadcalled,namingtheplaceofJude’sresidence。Shewasaskedtostepupstairs,andonbeingshownintoaroomfoundthatitwasArabella’sbedroom,andthatthelatterhadnotyetrisen。ShehaltedontheturnofhertoetillArabellacriedfromthebed,`Comeinandshutthedoor,’whichSueaccordinglydid。
Arabellalayfacingthewindow,anddidnotatonceturnherhead:
andSuewaswickedenough,despiteherpenitence,towishforamomentthatJudecouldbeholdherforerunnernow,withthedaylightfulluponher。Shemayhaveseemedhandsomeenoughinprofileunderthelamps,butafrowsinesswasapparentthismorning;andthesightofherownfreshcharmsinthelooking-glassmadeSue’smannerbright,tillshereflectedwhatameanlysexualemotionthiswasinher,andhatedherselfforit。
`I’vejustlookedintoseeifyougotbackcomfortablylastnight,that’sall,’shesaidgently。`Iwasafraidafterwardsthatyoumighthavemetwithanymishap?’
`Oh-howstupidthisis!Ithoughtmyvisitorwas-yourfriend-yourhusband-Mrs。Fawley,asIsupposeyoucallyourself?’saidArabella,flingingherheadbackuponthepillowswithadisappointedtoss,andceasingtoretainthedimpleshehadjusttakenthetroubletoproduce。
`IndeedIdon’t,’saidSue。
`Oh,Ithoughtyoumighthave,evenifhe’snotreallyyours。
Decencyisdecency,anyhourofthetwenty-four。’
`Idon’tknowwhatyoumean,’saidSuestiffly。`Heismine,ifyoucometothat!’
`Hewasn’tyesterday。’
Suecolouredroseate,andsaid`Howdoyouknow?’
`Fromyourmannerwhenyoutalkedtomeatthedoor。Well,mydear,you’vebeenquickaboutit,andIexpectmyvisitlastnighthelpediton-ha-ha!ButIdon’twanttogethimawayfromyou。’
Suelookedoutattherain,andatthedirtytoilet-cover,andatthedetachedtailofArabella’shairhangingonthelooking-glass,justasithaddoneinJude’stime;andwishedshehadnotcome。Inthepausetherewasaknockatthedoor,andthechambermaidbroughtinatelegramfor`Mrs。Cartlett。’
Arabellaopeneditasshelay,andherruffledlookdisappeared。
`Iammuchobligedtoyouforyouranxietyaboutme,’shesaidblandlywhenthemaidhadgone;`butitisnotnecessaryyoushouldfeelit。Mymanfindshecan’tdowithoutmeafterall,andagreestostandbythepromisetomarryagainoverherethathehasmademeallalong。
Seehere!Thisisinanswertoonefromme。’SheheldoutthetelegramforSuetoread,butSuedidnottakeit。`Heasksmetocomeback。HislittlecornerpublicinLambethwouldgotopieceswithoutme,hesays。
Butheisn’tgoingtoknockmeaboutwhenhehashadadrop,anymoreafterwearesplicedbyEnglishlawthanbefore!……Asforyou,IshouldcoaxJudetotakemebeforetheparsonstraightoff,andhavedonewithit,ifIwereinyourplace。Isayitasafriend,mydear。’
`He’swaitingto,anyday,’returnedSue,withfrigidpride。
`Thenlethim,inHeaven’sname。Lifewithamanismorebusinesslikeafterit,andmoneymattersworkbetter。Andthen,yousee,ifyouhaverows,andheturnsyououtofdoors,youcangetthelawtoprotectyou,whichyoucan’totherwise,unlesshehalf-runsyouthroughwithaknife,orcracksyournoddlewithapoker。Andifheboltsawayfromyou-Isayitfriendly,aswomantowoman,forthere’sneveranyknowingwhatamanmeddo-you’llhavethestickso’furniture,andwon’tbelookeduponasathief。Ishallmarrymymanoveragain,nowhe’swilling,astherewasalittleflawinthefirstceremony。Inmytelegramlastnightwhichthisisananswerto,ItoldhimIhadalmostmadeitupwithJude;andthatfrightenedhim,Iexpect!PerhapsIshouldquitehavedoneitifithadn’tbeenforyou,’shesaidlaughing;`andthenhowdifferentourhistoriesmighthavebeenfromto-day!NeversuchatenderfoolasJudeisifawomanseemsintrouble,andcoaxeshimabit!Justasheusedtobeaboutbirdsandthings。However,asithappens,itisjustaswellasifIhadmadeitup,andIforgiveyou。And,asIsay,I’dadviseyoutogetthebusinesslegallydoneassoonaspossible。You’llfinditanawfulbotherlateronifyoudon’t。’
`Ihavetoldyouheisaskingmetomarryhim-tomakeournaturalmarriagealegalone,’saidSue,withyetmoredignity。`Itwasquitebymywishthathedidn’tthemomentIwasfree。’
`Ah,yes-youareaoneyertoo,likemyself,’saidArabella,eyeinghervisitorwithhumorouscriticism。`Boltedfromyourfirst,didn’tyou,likeme?’
`Goodmorning!-Imustgo,’saidSuehastily。