`Promisetoleavethebooksalone。’
Shehesitated。`Letmego!’sherepeated。
`Promise!’
Afterapause:`Ido。’
Juderelinquishedhishold,andshecrossedtheroomtothedoor,outofwhichshewentwithasetface,andintothehighway。Hereshebegantosaunterupanddown,perverselypullingherhairintoaworsedisorderthanhehadcaused,andunfasteningseveralbuttonsofhergown。ItwasafineSundaymorning,dry,clearandfrosty,andthebellsofAlfredstonChurchcouldbeheardonthebreezefromthenorth。Peopleweregoingalongtheroad,dressedintheirholidayclothes;theyweremainlylovers-suchpairsasJudeandArabellahadbeenwhentheysportedalongthesametracksomemonthsearlier。Thesepedestriansturnedtostareattheextraordinaryspectacleshenowpresented,bonnetless,herdishevelledhairblowinginthewind,herbodiceaparthersleevesrolledaboveherelbowsforherwork,andherhandsreekingwithmeltedfat。Oneofthepasserssaidinmockterror:`GoodLorddeliverus!’
`Seehowhe’sservedme!’shecried。`MakingmeworkSundaymorningswhenIoughttobegoingtomychurch,andtearingmyhairoffmyhead,andmygownoffmyback!’
Judewasexasperated,andwentouttodragherinbymainforce。
Thenhesuddenlylosthisheat。Illuminatedwiththesensethatallwasoverbetweenthem,andthatitmatterednotwhatshedid,orhe,herhusbandstoodstill,regardingher。Theirliveswereruined,hethought;ruinedbythefundamentalerroroftheirmatrimonialunion:thatofhavingbasedapermanentcontractonatemporaryfeelingwhichhadnonecessaryconnectionwithaffinitiesthatalonerenderalifelongcomradeshiptolerable。
`Goingtoill-usemeonprinciple,asyourfatherill-usedyourmother,andyourfather’ssisterill-usedherhusband?’sheasked。`Allyoubeaqueerlotashusbandsandwives!’
Judefixedanarrested,surprisedlookonher。Butshesaidnomore,andcontinuedhersauntertillshewastired。Heleftthespot,and,afterwanderingvaguelyalittlewhile,walkedinthedirectionofMarygreen。
Herehecalleduponhisgreat-aunt,whoseinfirmitiesdailyincreased。
`Aunt-didmyfatherill-usemymother,andmyauntherhusband?’
saidJudeabruptly,sittingdownbythefire。
Sheraisedherancienteyesundertherimoftheby-gonebonnetthatshealwayswore。`Who’sbeentellingyouthat?’shesaid。
`Ihavehearditspokenof,andwanttoknowall。’
`Youmedsowell,Is’pose;thoughyourwife-Ireckon’twasshe-musthavebeenafooltoopenupthat!Thereisn’tmuchtoknowafterall。Yourfatherandmothercouldn’tgetontogether,andtheyparted。
ItwascominghomefromAlfredstonmarket,whenyouwereababy-onthehillbytheBrownHousebarn-thattheyhadtheirlastdifference,andtookleaveofoneanotherforthelasttime。Yourmothersoonafterwardsdied-shedrownedherself,inshort,andyourfatherwentawaywithyoutoSouthWessex,andnevercamehereanymore。’
Juderecalledhisfather’ssilenceaboutNorthWessexandJude’smother,neverspeakingofeithertillhisdyingday。
`Itwasthesamewithyourfather’ssister。Herhusbandoffendedher,andshesodislikedlivingwithhimafterwardsthatshewentawaytoLondonwithherlittlemaid。TheFawleyswerenotmadeforwedlock:
itneverseemedtositwelluponus。There’ssommatinourbloodthatwon’ttakekindlytothenotionofbeingboundtodowhatwedoreadilyenoughifnotbound。That’swhyyououghttohavehearkenedtome,andnotha’
married。’
`WheredidFatherandMotherpart-bytheBrownHouse,didyousay?’
`Alittlefurtheron-wheretheroadtoFenworthbranchesoff,andthehandpoststands。Agibbetoncestoodtherenotonconnectedwithourhistory。Butletthatbe。’
IntheduskofthateveningJudewalkedawayfromhisoldaunt’sasiftogohome。Butassoonashereachedtheopendownhestruckoutuponittillhecametoalargeroundpond。Thefrostcontinued,thoughitwasnotparticularlysharp,andthelargerstarsoverheadcameoutslowandflickering。Judeputonefootontheedgeoftheice,andthentheother:itcrackedunderhisweight;butthisdidnotdeterhim。Heploughedhiswayinwardtothecentre,theicemakingsharpnoisesashewent。Whenjustaboutthemiddlehelookedaroundhimandgaveajump。Thecrackingrepeateditself;buthedidnotgodown。Hejumpedagain,butthecrackinghadceased。Judewentbacktotheedge,andsteppedupontheground。
Itwascurious,hethought。Whatwashereservedfor?Hesupposedhewasnotasufficientlydignifiedpersonforsuicide。Peacefuldeathabhorredhimasasubject,andwouldnottakehim。
Whatcouldhedoofalowerkindthanself-extermination;whatwastherelessnoble,moreinkeepingwithhispresentdegradedposition?
Hecouldgetdrunk。Ofcoursethatwasit;hehadforgotten。Drinkingwastheregular,stereotypedresourceofthedespairingworthless。Hebegantoseenowwhysomemenboozedatinns。Hestruckdownthehillnorthwardsandcametoanobscurepublic-house。OnenteringandsittingdownthesightofthepictureofSamsonandDelilahonthewallcausedhimtorecognizetheplaceasthathehadvisitedwithArabellaonthatfirstSundayeveningoftheircourtship。Hecalledforliquoranddrankbrisklyforanhourormore。
Staggeringhomewardlatethatnight,withallhissenseofdepressiongone,andhisheadfairlyclearstill,hebegantolaughboisterously,andtowonderhowArabellawouldreceivehiminhisnewaspect。Thehousewasindarknesswhenheentered,andinhisstumblingstateitwassometimebeforehecouldgetalight。Thenhefoundthat,thoughthemarksofpig-dressing,offatsandscallops,werevisible,thematerialsthemselveshadbeentakenaway。Alinewrittenbyhiswifeontheinsideofanoldenvelopewaspinnedtothecottonblowerofthefireplace:
`Havegonetomyfriends。Shallnotreturn。’
Allthenextdayheremainedathome,andsentoffthecarcaseofthepigtoAlfredston。Hethencleanedupthepremises,lockedthedoor,putthekeyinaplaceshewouldknowifshecameback,andreturnedtohismasonryatAlfredston。
Atnightwhenheagainploddedhomehefoundshehadnotvisitedthehouse。Thenextdaywentinthesameway,andthenext。Thentherecamealetterfromher。
Thatshehadgonetiredofhimshefranklyadmitted。Hewassuchaslowoldcoach,andshedidnotcareforthesortoflifeheled。Therewasnoprospectofhiseverbetteringhimselforher。Shefurtherwentontosaythatherparentshad,asheknew,forsometimeconsideredthequestionofemigratingtoAustralia,thepig-jobbingbusinessbeingapooronenowadays。Theyhadatlastdecidedtogo,andsheproposedtogowiththem,ifhehadnoobjection。Awomanofhersortwouldhavemorechanceovertherethaninthisstupidcountry。
Juderepliedthathehadnottheleastobjectiontohergoing。
Hethoughtitawisecourse,sinceshewishedtogo,andonethatmightbetotheadvantageofboth。Heenclosedinthepacketcontainingtheletterthemoneythathadbeenrealizedbythesaleofthepig,withallhehadbesides,whichwasnotmuch。
Fromthatdayheheardnomoreofherexceptindirectly,thoughherfatherandhishouseholddidnotimmediatelyleave,butwaitedtillhisgoodsandothereffectshadbeensoldoff。WhenJudelearntthattherewastobeanauctionatthehouseoftheDonnshepackedhisownhouseholdgoodsintoawaggon,andsentthemtoherattheaforesaidhomestead,thatshemightsellthemwiththerest,orasmanyofthemassheshouldchoose。
HethenwentintolodgingsatAlfredston,andsawinashopwindowthelittlehandbillannouncingthesaleofhisfather-in-law’sfurniture。
Henoteditsdate,whichcameandpassedwithoutJude’sgoingneartheplace,orperceivingthatthetrafficoutofAlfredstonbythesouthernroadwasmateriallyincreasedbytheauction。Afewdayslaterheenteredadingybroker’sshopinthemainstreetofthetown,andamidaheterogeneouscollectionofsaucepans,aclothes-horse,rolling-pin,brasscandlestick,swinglooking-glass,andotherthingsatthebackoftheshop,evidentlyjustbroughtinfromasale,heperceivedaframedphotograph,whichturnedouttobehisownportrait。
Itwasonewhichhehadhadspeciallytakenandframedbyalocalmaninbird’s-eyemaple,asapresentforArabella,andhaddulygivenherontheirwedding-day。Onthebackwasstilltoberead,`JudetoArabella,’withthedate。Shemusthavethrownitinwiththerestofherpropertyattheauction。
`Oh,’saidthebroker,seeinghimlookatthisandtheotherarticlesintheheap,andnotperceivingthattheportraitwasofhimself:`ItisasmalllotofstuffthatwasknockeddowntomeatacottagesaleoutontheroadtoMarygreen。Theframeisaveryusefulone,ifyoutakeoutthelikeness。Youshallhaveitforashilling。’
Theutterdeathofeverytendersentimentinhiswife,asbroughthometohimbythismuteandundesignedevidenceofhersaleofhisportraitandgift,wastheconclusivelittlestrokerequiredtodemolishallsentimentinhim。Hepaidtheshilling,tookthephotographawaywithhim,andburntit,frameandall,whenhereachedhislodging。
TwoorthreedayslaterheheardthatArabellaandherparentshaddeparted。Hehadsentamessageofferingtoseeherforaformalleave-taking,butshehadsaidthatitwouldbebetterotherwise,sinceshewasbentongoing,whichperhapswastrue。Ontheeveningfollowingtheiremigration,whenhisday’sworkwasdone,hecameoutofdoorsaftersupper,andstrolledinthestarlightalongthetoofamiliarroadtowardstheuplandwhereonhadbeenexperiencedthechiefemotionsofhislife。Itseemedtobehisownagain。
Hecouldnotrealizehimself。Ontheoldtrackheseemedtobeaboystill,hardlyadayolderthanwhenhehadstooddreamingatthetopofthathill,inwardlyfiredforthefirsttimewithardoursforChristminsterandscholarship。`YetIamaman,’hesaid。`Ihaveawife。More,Ihavearrivedatthestillriperstageofhavingdisagreedwithher,dislikedher,hadascufflewithher,andpartedfromher。’
Herememberedthenthathewasstandingnotfarfromthespotatwhichthepartingbetweenhisfatherandhismotherwassaidtohaveoccurred。
AlittlefurtheronwasthesummitwhenceChristminster,orwhathehadtakenforthatcity,hadseemedtobevisible。Amilestone,nowasalways,stoodattheroadsidehardby。Judedrewnearit,andfeltratherthanreadthemileagetothecity。Herememberedthatonceonhiswayhomehehadproudlycutwithhiskeennewchiselaninscriptiononthebackofthatmilestone,embodyinghisaspirations。Ithadbeendoneinthefirstweekofhisapprenticeship,beforehehadbeendivertedfromhispurposesbyanunsuitablewoman。Hewonderediftheinscriptionwerelegiblestill,andgoingtothebackofthemilestonebrushedawaythenettles。Bythelightofamatchhecouldstilldiscernwhathehadcutsoenthusiasticallysolongago:
THITHERJ。F。Thesightofit,unimpaired,withinitsscreenofgrassandnettles,litinhissoulasparkoftheoldfire。Surelyhisplanshouldbetomoveonwardthroughgoodandill-toavoidmorbidsorroweventhoughhedidseeuglinessesintheworld?Beneagereetlaetari-todogoodcheerfully-whichhehadheardtobethephilosophyofoneSpinoza,mightbehisownevennow。
Hemightbattlewithhisevilstar,andfollowouthisoriginalintention。
Bymovingtoaspotalittlewayoffheuncoveredthehorizoninanorth-easterlydirection。Thereactuallyrosethefainthalo,asmalldimnebulousness,hardlyrecognizablesavebytheeyeoffaith。Itwasenoughforhim。HewouldgotoChristminsterassoonasthetermofhisapprenticeshipexpired。
Hereturnedtohislodgingsinabettermood,andsaidhisprayers。
JudetheObscureChapter12PartSecondAtChristminster`Savehisownsoulhehathnostar。’-Swinburne。`Notitiamprimosquegradusviciniafecit;Temporecrevitamor。’-Ovid。II-iThenextnoteworthymoveinJude’slifewasthatinwhichheappearedglidingsteadilyonwardthroughaduskylandscapeofsomethreeyears’laterleafagethanhadgracedhiscourtshipofArabella,andthedisruptionofhiscoarseconjugallifewithher。HewaswalkingtowardsChristminsterCity,atapointamileortwotothesouth-westofit。
HehadatlastfoundhimselfclearofMarygreenandAlfredston:
hewasoutofhisapprenticeship,andwithhistoolsathisbackseemedtobeinthewayofmakinganewstart-thestarttowhich,barringtheinterruptioninvolvedinhisintimacyandmarriedexperiencewithArabella,hehadbeenlookingforwardforabouttenyears。