CONTENTS
I。ALiberalEducationII。CordialRelationsIII。RetributionIV。ThePerversenessofItV。AMatterofDutyVI。MyLastChanceVII。TheLittleWretchVIII。AnExpensivePrivilegeIX。AVeryDullAffairX。StrangebutTrueXI。TheVeryLatestThingXII。AnUncountedHourXIII。AReminiscenceXIV。AFineDayXV。TheHouseOppositeXVI。AQuickChangeXVII。ASlightMistakeXVIII。TheOtherLadyXIX。WhatMightHaveBeenXX。OneWayInALIBERALEDUCATION
"There’singratitudeforyou!"MissDollyFosterexclaimedsuddenly。
"Where!"Iasked,rousingmyselffrommeditation。
Shepointedtoayoungmanwhohadjustpassedwherewesat。Hewasdressedverysmartly,andwaswalkingwithaladyattiredintheheightofthefashion。
"Imadethatman,"saidDolly,"andnowhecutsmedeadbeforethewholeoftheRow!It’satrocious。Why,butforme,doyousupposehe’dbeatthismomentengagedtothreethousandayearand——andtheplainestgirlinLondon?"
"Notthat,"Ipleaded;"thinkof——"
"Well,veryplainanyhow。Iwasquitereadytobowtohim。
Ialmostdid。"
"Infactyoudid?"
"Ididn’t。IdeclareIdidn’t。"
"Oh,well,youdidn’tthen。Itonlylookedlikeit。"
"Imethim,"saidMissDolly,"threeyearsago。Atthattimehewas——oh,quiteunpresentable。Hewaseverythingheshouldn’tbe。
Hewasateetotaler,youknow,andhedidn’tsmoke,andhewasalwaysgoingtoconcerts。Oh,andheworehishairlong,andhistrousersshort,andhishatonthebackofhishead。Andhisumbrella——"
"Wheredidhewearthat?"
"Hecarriedthat,Mr。Carter。Don’tbesilly!Carrieditunrolled,youknow,andgenerallyapaperparcelintheotherhand;andhehadspectaclestoo。"
"Hehascertainlychanged,outwardlyatleast。
"Yes,Iknow;well,Ididthat。Itookhiminhand,andIjusttaughthim,andnow——!"
"Yes,Iknowthat。Buthowdidyouteachhim?GivehimSaturdayeveninglectures,orwhat?"
"Oh,every—eveninglectures,andmost—morningwalks。AndI
taughthimtodance,andbrokehiswretchedfiddlewithmyownhands!"
"Whatveryarbitrarydistinctionsyoudraw!"
"Idon’tknowthatyoumean。Idolikeamantobesmart,anyhow。Don’tyou,Mr。Carter?You’renotsosmartasyoumightbe。Now,shallItakeyouinhand?"Andshesmileduponme。
"Let’shearyourmethod。Whatdidyoudotohim。?"
"ToPhilMeadows?Oh,nothing。Ijustslippedinaremarkhereandthere,wheneverhetalkednonsense。Iusedtospeakjustattherighttime,youknow。"
"Buthowhadyourwordssuchinfluence,MissFoster?"
"Oh,well,youknow,Mr。Carter,ImadeitaconditionthatheshoulddojustwhatIwantedinlittlethingslikethat。DidhethinkIwasgoingtowalkaboutwithamancarryingabrownpaperparcel——asifwehadbeentotheshopforapoundoftea?"
"Still,Idon’tseewhyheshouldalterallhis——"
"Oh,youarestupid!Ofcourse,helikedme,youknow。"
"Oh,didhe?Isee。"
"Youseemtothinkthatveryfunny。"
"Notthathedid——butthat,apparently,hedoesn’t。"
"Wellyougotoutofthatratherneatly——foryou。No,hedoesn’tnow。Yousee,hemisunderstoodmymotive。Hethought——well,I
dobelievehethoughtIcaredforhim,youknow。OfcourseI
didn’t。"
"Notabit?"
"Justasafriend——andapupil,youknow。Andwhenhe’dhadhishaircutandboughtafrockcoat(fancyhe’dneverhadone!),helookedquitenice。Hehasniceeyes。Didyounoticethem。"
"Lord,no!"
"Well,you’resounobservant。"
"Oh,notalways。I’veobservedthatyour——"
"Pleasedon’t!It’snouse,isit?"
Ilookedveryunhappy。ThereisanunderstandingthatIamveryunhappysinceMissFoster’sengagementtotheEarlofMicklehamwasannounced。
"WhatwasIsayingbefore——beforeyou——youknow——oh,aboutPhilMeadows,ofcourse。Ididlikehimverymuch,youknow,orI
shouldn’thavetakenallthattrouble。Why,hisownmotherthankedme!"
"Ihavenomoretosay,"saidI。
"Butshewrotemeahorridletterafterward。"
"You’resoveryelliptical。"
"Soverywhat,Mr。Carter?"
"Youleavesomuchout,Imean。Afterwhat?"
"Why,afterIsenthimaway。Didn’tItellyou?Oh,wehadthemostawfulscene。Heraved,Mr。Carter。Hecalledmethemosthorridnames,and——"
"Torehishair?"
"Itwasn’tlongenoughtogetholdof,"shetittered。"Butdon’tlaugh。Itwasreallydreadful。Andsounjust!Andthen,nextday,whenIthoughtitwascomfortablyover,youknow,hecameback,and——andapologized,andcalledhimselfthemostawfulnames,and——well,thatwasreallyworse。"
"Whatdidthefellowcomplainof?"Iaskedinwonderingtones。
"Oh,hesaidI’ddestroyedhisfaithinwomen,youknow,andthatI’dledhimon,andthatIwas——well,hewasveryrudeindeed。
Andhewentonwritingmeletterslikethatforawholeyear?Itmademequiteuncomfortable。"
"Buthedidn’tgobacktoshorttrousersandafiddle,didhe?"I
askedanxiously。
"Oh,no。Butheforgotallheowedme,andhetoldmethathisheartwasdead,andthatheshouldneverloveanyoneagain。"
"Buthe’sgoingtomarrythatgirl。"
"Oh,hedoesn’tcareabouther,"saidMissDollyreassuringly。
"It’sthemoney,youknow。Hehadn’tafarthingofhisown。
Nowhe’llbesetupforlife。"
"Andit’sallduetoyou!"saidIadmiringly。
"Well,itis,really。"
"Idon’tcallhersuchabad—lookinggirl,though。"(Ihadn’tseenherface。)
"Mr。Carter!She’shideous!"
Idroppedthatsubject。
"Andnow,"saidMissDollyagain,"hecutsmedead!"
"Itistheheightofingratitude。Why,toloveyouwasaliberaleducation!"
"Yes,wasn’tit?Hownicelyyouputthat。Aliberaleducation!’
IshalltellArchie。"(ArchieisLordMickleham。)
"What,aboutPhilMeadows?"
"Goodnessme,no,Mr。Carter。Justwhatyousaid,youknow。"
"ButwhynottellMicklehamaboutPhilMeadows?"Iurged。"It’salltoyourcredit,youknow。"
"Iknow,butmenaresofoolish。Yousee,Archiethinks——"
"Ofcoursehedoes。"
"Youmightletmefinish。"
"Archiethinksyouwereneverinlovebefore。"
"Yes,hedoes。Well,ofcourse,Iwasn’tinlovewithPhil——"
"Notalittlebit?"
"Oh,well——"
"Norwithanyoneelse?"
MissDollylookedforaninstantinmydirection。
"Norwithanyoneelse?saidI。
MissDollylookedstraightinfrontofher。
"Norwith——"Ibegan。
"Hullo,oldchappie,wheredidyouspringfrom?"
"Why,Archie!"criedMissDolly。
"Oh,howareyou,Mickleham,oldman?Takethisseat;I’mjustoff——justoff。Yes,Iwas,uponmyhonor——gottomeetamanattheclub。Goodbye,MissFoster。Jove!I’mlate!"
AndasIwentIheardMissDollysay,"Ithoughtyouwerenevercoming,Archie,dear!"Well,shedidn’tthinkhewascomingjustthen。NomoredidI。
CORDIALRELATIONS
TheotherdayIpaidacallonMissDollyFosterforthepurposeofpresentingtohermysmallofferingontheoccasionofhermarriagetoLordMickleham。Itwasaprettylittlebitofjewelry——apearlheart,broken(rubiesplayedthepartofblood)
andheldtogetherbyagoldpin,setwithdiamonds,thewholesurmountedbyanearl’scoronet。Ihadtakensometroubleaboutit,andwasgratefulwhenMissDollyaskedmetoexplainthesymbolism。
"Itismyheart,"Iobserved。"Thefractureisyourmaking;thepin——"
HereMissDollyinterrupted;totellthetruthIwasnotsorry,forIwasfairlygraveledforthemeaningofthepin。
"Whatnonsense,Mr。Carter!"shesaid;"butit’sawfullypretty。
Thankssoveryverymuch。Aren’trelationsfunnypeople?"
"Ifyouwishtochangethesubject,praydo,"saidI。"I’llchangeanythingexceptmyaffections。"
"Lookhere,"shepursued,holdingoutabundleofletters。"Herearethecongratulatoryepistlesfromrelations。ShallIreadyouafew?"
"Itwillbeamostagreeablemodeofpassingthetime,"saidI。
"ThisisfromAuntGeorgiana——she’sawidow——livesatCheltenham。
’MydearestDorothea——’"
"Who?"
"Dorothea’smyname,Mr。Carter。Itmeansthegiftofheaven,youknow。"
"’MydearestDorothea,IhaveheardthenewsofyourengagementtoLordMicklehamwithdeepthankfulness。Toobtaintheloveofanhonestmanisagreatprize。Ihopeyouwillproveworthyofit。Marriageisatrialandanopportunity——’"
"Hear,hear!"saidI。"Atrialforthehusbandand——"
"Bequiet,Mr。Carter。’Atrialandanopportunity。Itsearchestheheartandaffordsasphereofusefulnesswhich——’Soshegoeson,youknow。Idon’tseewhyIneedbelecturedjustbecauseI’mgoingtobemarried,doyou,Mr。Carter?"
"Let’stryanother,"saidI。"Who’sthatonpinkpaper?"
"Oh,that’sGeorgyVane。She’sawfulfun。’DearoldDolly,——Soyou’vebroughtitoff。Heartycongrats。Ithoughtyouweregoingtobesillyandthrowaway——’There’snothingelsethere,Mr。Carter。Lookhere。Listentothis。It’sfromUncleWilliam。He’saclergyman,youknow。’MydearNiece,——Ihaveheardwithgreatgratificationofyourengagement。YourauntandIuniteinallgoodwishes。IrecollectLordMickleham’sfatherwhenIhadacuracynearWorcester。Hewasaregularattendantatchurchandasupporterofallgoodworksinthediocese。Ifonlyhissontakesafterhim(fancyArchie!)Youhavesecuredaprize。Ihopeyouhaveapropersenseoftheresponsibilitiesyouareundertaking。Marriageaffordsnosmallopportunities,italsoentailscertaintrials——’"
"Why,you’rereadingAuntGeorgianaagain。"
"AmI?No,it’sUncleWilliam。"
"Thenlet’stryafreshcast——unlessyou’llfinishGeorgyVane’s。"
"Well,here’sCousinSusan’s。She’sanoldmaid,youknow。It’sverylong。Here’sabit:’Womanhasitinherpowertoexerciseasacredinfluence。IhavenotthepleasureofknowingLordMickleham,butIhope,mydear,thatyouwilluseyourpoweroverhimforgood。Itisuselessformetodenythatwhenyoustayedwithme,Ithoughtyouwereaddictedtofrivolity。Doubtlessmarriagewillsoberyou。TrytomakeagooduseofitslessonsIamsendingyouabiscuittin’——andsoon。"
"Averyproperletter,"saidI。
MissDollyindulgedinaslightgrimace,andtookupanotherletter。
"This,"shesaid,"isfrommysister—in—law,Mrs。AlgernonFoster。"
"AdaughterofLordDoldrums,wasn’tshe?"
"Yes。’MydearDorothea,——Ihaveheardyournews。Idohopeitwillturnouthappily。Ibelievethatanywomanwhoconscientiouslydoesherdutycanfindhappinessinmarriedlife。
Herhusbandandchildrenoccupyallhertimeandallherthoughts,andifshecanlookforfewofthelighterpleasuresoflife,shehasatleasttheknowledgethatsheisofuseintheworld。Pleaseaccepttheaccompanyingvolumes(it’sBrowning)asasmall——’Isay,Mr。Carter,doyouthinkit’sreallylikethat?"
"Thereisstilltimetodrawback,"Iobserved。
"Oh,don’tbesilly。Here,thisismybrotherTom’s。’DearDol,——IthoughtMicklehamratheranasswhenImethim,butI
daresayyouknowbest。What’shisplacelike?Doeshetakeamoor?IthoughtIreadthathekeptayacht。Doeshe?Givehimmyloveandakiss。Goodluck,oldgirl。Tom。P。S。——I’mgladit’snotme,youknow。’"
"Adisgustingletter,"Iobserved。
"Notatall,"saidMissDolly,dimpling。"It’sjustlikedearoldTom。Listentograndpapa’s。’MydearGranddaughter,——Thealliance’(Iratherlikeit’sbeingcalledanalliance,Mr。
Carter。ItsoundsliketheRoyalFamily,doesn’tit?)’youareabouttocontractisinallrespectsasuitableone。Isendyoumyblessingandasmallchecktohelptowardsyourtrousseau。——Yoursaffectionately,Jno。Wm。Foster。’"
"That,"saidI,"isthebestuptonow。"
"Yes,it’s500,"saidshe,smiling。"Here’soldLadyM。’s。"
"Whose?"Iexclaimed。
"Archie’smother’s,youknow。’MydearDorothea(asIsupposeI
mustcallyounow)——Archibaldhasinformedusofhisengagement,andIandthegirls(therearefivegirls,Mr。Carter)hastentowelcomehisbride。IamsureArchiewillmakehiswifeveryhappy。Heisratherparticular(likehisdearfather),buthehasagoodheart,andisnotfidgetyabouthismeals。OfcourseweshallbedelightedtomoveoutofTheTowersatonce。Ihopeweshallseeagreatdealofyousoon。Archieisfullofyourpraises,andwethoroughlytrusthistaste。Archie——’It’sallaboutArchie,yousee。"
"Naturally,"saidI。
"Well,Idon’tknow。IsupposeIcountalittle,too。Oh,lookhere。Here’sCousinFred’s,buthe’salwayssosilly。Ishan’treadyouhis。"
"O,justabitofit,"Ipleaded。
"Well,here’sonebit。’IsupposeIcan’tmurderhim,soImustwishhimjoy。AllIcansayis,Dolly,thathe’stheluckiest(somethingIcan’tread——eitherfellowor——devil)Ieverheardof。Iwonderifyou’veforgottenthatevening——’"
"Well,goon。"Forshestopped。
"Oh,there’snothingelse。"
"Infact,youhaveforgottentheevening?"
"Entirely,"saidMissDolly,tossingherhead。
"Buthesendsmealoveofabracelet。Hecan’tpossiblypayforit,poorboy。"
"Youngknave!"saidIseverely。(Ihadpaidformypearlheart。)
"Thencomesalotfromgirls。Oh,there’sonefromMaudTottenham——she’sasecondcousin,youknow——it’sratheramusing。
’IusedtoknowyourFIANCEslightly。Heseemedverynice,butit’salongwhileago,andIneversawmuchofhim。Ihopeheisreallyfondofyou,andthatitisnotamerefancy。Sinceyoulovehimsomuch,itwouldbeapityifhedidnotcaredeeplyforyou。’"
"Interpret,MissDolly,"saidI。
"Shetriedtocatchhimherself,"saidMissDolly。
"Ah,Isee。Isthatall?"
"Theothersaren’tveryinteresting。"
"Thenlet’sfinishGeorgyVane’s。"
"Really?"sheasked,smiling。
"Yes。Really。"
"Oh,ifyoudon;’tmind,Idon’t,"saidshe,laughing,andshehuntedoutthepinknoteandspreaditbeforeher。
"Letmesee。WherewasI?Oh,here。’Ithoughtyouweregoingtobesillyandthrowawayyourchancesonsomeofthemenwhousedtoflirtwithyou。ArchieMicklehammaynotbeagenius,buthe’sagoodfellowandaswellandrich;andhe’snotapauper,likePhilMeadows,orasnoblikeCharlieDawson,or——’shallIgoon,Mr。Carter?No,Iwon’t。Ididn’tseewhatitwas。"
"Yes,youshallgoon。"
"O,no,Ican’t,"andshefoldeduptheletter。"ThenIwill,"
andI’mashamedtosayIsnatchedtheletter。MissDollyjumpedtoherfeet。Ifledbehindthetable。Sheranround。Idodged。
"’Or’"Ibegantoread。
"Stop!"criedshe。
"’Orayoungspendthriftlikethatman——Iforgethisname——whoyouusedtogoonwithatsuchapaceatMonteCarlolastwinter。’"
"Stop!"shecried。"Youmuststop,Mr。Carter。"
SothenIstopped。Ifoldedtheletterandhandeditbacktoher。Hercheeksflushedredasshetookit。
"Ithoughtyouwereagentleman,"saidshe,bitingherlip。
"IwasatMonteCarlolastwintermyself,"saidI。
"LordMickleham,"saidthebutler,throwingopenthedoor。
RETRIBUTION
InfutureIamgoingtobecarefulwhatIdo。Iamalso——andthisisbynomeanslessimportant——goingtobeverycarefulwhatMissDollyFosterdoes。Everybodyknows(ifImayquoteherparticularfriendNelliePhaeton)thatdearDollymeansnoharm,butsheis"justalittleharumscarum。"IthankedMissPhaetonfortheexpression。
Thefactisthat"oldladyM。"(HereIquoteMissDolly)sentformetheotherday。IhavenotthehonorofknowingtheCountess,andIwentinsometrepidation。WhenIwasusheredin,LadyMicklehamputupher"starers。"(Youknowthoseabominations!
Pince—nezwithlongtorture——Imeantortoise——shellhandles。)
"Mr。——er——Carter?"saidshe。
Ibowed。IwouldhavedenieditifIcould。
"Mydears!"saidLadyMickleham。
Uponthisfiveyoungladieswhohadbeensittinginfivestraight—backedchairs,doingfivepiecesofembroidery,rose,bowed,andfiledoutoftheroom。Ifeltverynervous。
Apausefollowed。ThentheCountessobserved——anditseemedatfirstratherirrelevant——
"I’vebeenreadinganunpleasantstory。"
"InthesedaysofFrenchinfluence,"Ibeganapologetically(notthatIwritesuchstories,oranystories,butLadyMicklehaminvitesanapologeticattitude),andmyeyewanderedtothetable。Isawnothingworse(orbetter)thanthemorningpaperthere。
"Containedinafriend’sletter,"shecontinued,focusingthe"starers"fullonmyface。
Ididnotknowwhattodo,soIbowedagain。
"Itmusthavebeenaspainfulforhertowriteasformetoread,"LadyMicklehamwenton。"Andthatissayingmuch。Beseated,pray。"
Ibowed,andsatdowninoneofthestraight—backchairs。Ialsobegan,inmyfright,toplaywithoneofthepiecesofembroidery。
"IsLadyJane’sworkinyourway?"(LadyJaneisnamedafterJane,thefamousCountess,Lady—in—WaitingtoCarolineofAnspach。)
Idroppedtheembroidery,andputmyfootonmyhat。
"Ibelieve,Mr。Carter,thatyouareacquaintedwithMissDorotheaFoster?"
"Ihavethatpleasure,"saidI。
"Whoisabouttobemarriedtomyson,theEarlofMickleham?"
"That,Ibelieve,isso,"saidI。Iwasbeginningtopullmyselftogether。
"Myson,Mr。Carter,isofasimpleandtrustingdisposition。
PerhapsIhadbettercometothepoint。Iaminformedbythisletterthat,inconversationwiththewritertheotherday,Archibaldmentioned,quiteincidentally,someverystartlingfacts。Thosefactsconcernyou,Mr。Carter。"
"MayIaskthenameofthewriter?"
"Idonotthinkthatisnecessary,"saidshe。"SheisaladyinwhomIhavetheutmostconfidence。"
"Thatis,ofcourse,enough,"saidI。
"Itappears,Mr。Carter——andyouwillexcusemeifIspeakplainly——(Isetmyteeth)thatyouhave,inthefirstplace,giventomyson’sbrideaweddingpresent,whichIcanonlydescribeas——"
"Apearlornament,"Iinterposed;"witharubyortwo,and——"
"Apearlheart,"shecorrected;"er——fractured,andthatyouexplainedthatthisabsurdarticlerepresentedyourheart。"
"Merebadinage,"saidI。
"Inexecrablybadtaste,"saidshe。
Ibowed。
"Infact,mostoffensive。Butthatisnottheworst。Frommyson’sfurtherstatementsitappearsthatononeoccasion,atleast,hefoundyouandMissFosterengagedinwhatIcanonlycall——"
Iraisedmyhandinprotest。TheCountesstooknonotice。
"WhatIcanonlycallromping。"
"Romping!"Icried。
"Athingnotonlyatrociouslyvulgaratalltimes,butunderthecircumstances——needIsaymore?Mr。Carter,youwereengagedinchasingmyson’sfuturebrideroundatable!"
"Pardonme,LadyMickleham。Yourson’sfuturebridewasengagedinchasingmeroundatable。"
"Itisthesamething,"saidLadyMickleham。
"Ishouldhavethoughttherewasadistinction,"saidI。
"Noneatall。"
Ifellbackonasecondlineofdefense。
"Ididn’tlethercatchme,LadyMickleham,"Ipleaded。
LadyMicklehamgrewquitered。Thismademefeelmoreatmyease。
"No,sir。Ifyouhad——"
"Goodnessknows!"Imurmured,shakingmyhead。
"Asithappened,however,mysonenteredinthemiddleofthisdisgraceful——"
"Itwasatthebeginning,"saidI,witharegretfulsigh。
Uponthis——andIhavereallyneverbeensopleasedatanythinginallmylife——theCountess,theviolenceofheremotionspenetratingtoherveryfingers,grippedthehandleofher"starers"withsuchforcethatshebrokeitintwo!Shewasawomanoftheworld,andinamomentshelookedasifnothinghadhappened。Withmeitwasdifferent;andthatIamnotnowonLadyMickleham’svisitinglistisdueto(interaliaetenormia)
thefactthatIlaughed!ItwasoutbeforeIcouldhelpit。InasecondIwasasgraveasamute。Themischiefwasdone。TheCountessrose。Iimitatedherexample。
"Youareamused?"saidshe,andhertonesbanishedthelastofmymirth。Istumbledonmyhatanditrolledtoherfeet。
"Itisnotprobable,"sheobserved,"thatafterMissFoster’smarriageyouwillmeetheroften。Youwillmovein——er——somewhatdifferentcircles。"
"Imaycatchaglimpseofherinhercarriagefromthetopofmy’bus,"saidI。
LadyMicklehamrangthebell。Istoopedformyhat。Totellthetruth,Iwasratherafraidtoexposemyselfinsuchadefenselessattitude,buttheCountesspreservedherselfcontrol。Thebutleropenedthedoor。Ibowed,andlefttheCountessregardingmethroughthemaimed"starers。"ThenIfoundthebutlersmiling。Heprobablyknewthesignsoftheweather。Iwouldn’tbeLadyMickleham’sbutlerifyoumademeaduke。
AsIwalkedhomethroughthePark,ImetMissDollyandMickleham。Theystopped。
Iwalkedon。Micklehamseizedmebythecoattails。
"Doyoumeantocutus?"hecried。
"Yes,"saidI。
"Why,whatthedeuce?——"hebegan。
"I’veseenyourmother,"saidI。"Iwish,Mickleham,thatwhenyoudohappentointrudeasyoudidtheotherday,youwouldn’trepeatwhatyousee。"
"Lord!"hecried。"She’snotheardofthat。IonlytoldAuntCynthia。"
Isaidsomethingabout"AuntCynthia。"
"Does——doessheknowitall?"askedMissDolly。
"Morethanall——muchmore。"
"Didn’tyousmoothitover?"saidMissDollyreproachfully。
"Onreflection,"saidI,"Idon’tknowthatIdid——much。"(I
hadn’t,youknow。)
SuddenlyMicklehamburstoutlaughing。
"Whatagame!"heexclaimed。
"That’sallverywellforyou,"saidDolly。"Butdoyouhappentorememberthatwedinetheretonight?"Archiegrewgrave。
"Ihopeyou’llenjoyyourselves,"saidI。"Ialwaysclingtothebeliefthatthewickedarepunished。"AndIlookedatMissDolly。
"Neveryoumind,littlewoman,"saidArchie,drawingMissDolly’sarmthroughhis,"I’llseeyouthrough。Afterall,everybodyknowsthatoldCarter’sanass。"
Thatpieceofuniversalknowledgemayhelpmatters,butIdonotquiteseehow。Iwalkedon,forMissDollyhadquiteforgottenme,andwaslookingupatArchieMicklehamlike——well,hangit,inthewaytheydo,youknow。SoIjustwalkedon。
IbelieveMissDollyhasgotahusbandwhois(letussay)goodenoughforher。And,foronereasonandanother,Iamgladofit。AndIalsobelievethatsheknowsit。AndIam——I
suppose——gladofthat,too。Oh,yes,ofcourse,Iam。Ofcourse。
THEPERVERSENESSOFIT
"Itellyouwhat,Mr。Carter,"saidMissNelliePhaeton,touchingupRhinowithherwhip,"loveinacottageis——"
"Lordforgiveus,cinders,ashes,dust,"Iquoted。
WewerespankingroundtheParkbehindReadyandRhino。MissPhaeton’shorsesareverylarge;hergroomisverysmall,andhercourageisindomitable。Iamnogreathandatdrivingmyself,andIamnotalwaysquitecomfortable。Moreover,thestricterpartofmyacquaintanceconsider,Ibelieve,thatMissPhaeton’sattentionstomearesomewhatpronounced,andthatIoughtnottodrivewithherinthePark。
"You’reright,"shewenton。"Whatagirlwantsisagoodhouseandlotsofcash,andsomeridin’andalittlehuntin’and——"
"Afewg’s!’"Icriedinshudderingentreaty。"Ifyouloveme,ag’ortwo。"
"Well,Isupposeso,"saidshe。"Youcan’tgoridin’withoutgees,canyou?"
Apparentlyonecouldgodrivingwithoutany,butIdidnotpursuethesubject。
"It’sonlyinstoriesthatpeopleareinlovewhentheymarry,"
observedMissPhaetonreflectively。
"Yes,andthenit’sgenerallywithsomebodyelse,"saidI。
"Oh,ifyoucountthat!"saidshe,hittingReadyratherviciously。Weboundedforward,andIheardthelittlegroombumpingonthebackseat。Iamalwaysgladnottobeagroom——it’sacup—and—ballsortoflife,whichmustbeverywearying。
"Wereyoueverinlove?"sheasked,justavoidingabroughamwhichcontainedtheDuchessofDexminster。(If,bytheway,I
havetorunintoanyone,IlikeittobeaDuchess;yougetamuchhandsomerparagraph。)
"Yes,"saidI。
"Often?"
"Oh,nottoooften,andIalwaystakegreatcare,youknow。"
"Whatof?"
"Thatitshallbequiteoutofthequestion,youknow。It’snotatalldifficult。Ionlyhavetoavoidpersonsofmoderatemeans。"
"Butaren’tyouapersonof——?"
"Exactly。That’swhy。SoIchooseeitherapauper——whenit’simpossible——oranheiress——whenit’spreposterous。See?"
"Butdon’tyoueverwanttoget——?"beganMissPhaeton。
"Let’stalkaboutsomethingelse,"saidI。
"Ibelieveyou’rehumbuggin’me,"saidMissPhaeton。
"Iamofferingaveiledapology,"saidI。
"Stuff!"saidshe。"YouknowyoutoldDollyFosterthatIshouldmakeanexcellentwifeforatrainer。"
Oh,thesewomen!Amanhadbettertalktoaphonograph。
"Oranybodyelse,"saidIpolitely。
MissPhaetonwhippedupherhorses。
"Lookout!There’sthemountedpoliceman,"Icried。
"No,heisn’t。Areyouafraid?"sheretorted。
"I’mnotfittodie,"Ipleaded。
"Idon’tcareapinforyouropinion,youknow,"shecontinued(I
hadneversupposedthatshedid);"butwhatdidyoumeanbyit?"
"Ineversaidit。"
"Oh!"
"Allright——Ineverdid。"
"ThenDollyinventedit?"
"Ofcourse,"saidIsteadily。
"Onyourhonor?"
"Oh,come,MissPhaeton!"
"Would——wouldotherpeoplethinkso?"sheasked,withahighlysurprisingtouchoftimidity。
"Nobodywould,"Isaid。"Onlyasnarlingoldwretchwouldsayso,justbecausehethoughtitsmart。"
Therewasalongpause。ThenMissPhaetonaskedmeabruptly:
"Younevermethim,didyou?"
"No。"
Apauseensued。WepassedtheDuchessagain,andscratchedthenoseofherpoodle,whichwaslookingoutofthecarriagewindow。
MissPhaetonflickedRhino,andthegroombehindwentplop—plopontheseat。
"Helivesintown,youknow,"remarkedMissPhaeton。
"Theymostlydo——andwriteaboutthecountry,"saidI。
"Whyshouldn’tthey?"sheaskedfiercely。
"MydearMissPhaeton,byallmeansletthem,"saidI。
"He’sawfullyclever,youknow,"shecontinued;"buthewouldn’talwaystalk。Sometimeshejustsatandsaidnothin’,orreadabook。"
AsuddenintuitiondiscoveredMr。Gay’sfeelingstome。
"Youweretalkingabouttherun,orsomething,Isuppose?"
"Yes,orthebag,youknow。"
AsshespokeshepulledupReadyandRhino。Thelittlegroomjumpeddownandstoodunder(notat)theirheads。Ileantbackandsurveyedthecrowdsittingandwalking。MissPhaetonflickedaflyoffRhino’sear,putherwhipinthesocket,andleantbackalso。
"ThenIsupposeyoudidn’tcaremuchabouthim?"Iasked。
"Oh,Ilikedhimprettywell,"sheansweredverycarelessly。
Atthismoment,lookingalongthewalk,Isawamancomingtowardus。Hewasahandsomefellow,withjustatouchof"softness"inhisface。Hewasdressedincorrectfashion,savethathishairwasatriflelonger,hiscoatatriflefuller,hishatatriflelarger,histieatriflelooserthantheywerewornbymost。Hecaughtmyattention,andIwentonlookingathimforalittlewhile,tillalightmovementofmycompanion’smademeturnmyhead。
MissPhaetonwassittingboltupright;shefidgetedwiththereins;shetookherwhipoutofthesocketandputitbackagain;
and,tomyamazement,hercheekswereveryred。
Presentlythemancameoppositethecarriage。MissPhaetonbowed。Heliftedhishat,smiled,andmadeasiftopasson。
MissPhaetonheldoutherhand。Icouldseeamomentarygleamofsurpriseinhiseyes,asthoughhethoughthercordialitymorethanhemighthavelookedfor——possiblyevenmorethanhecaredabout。Buthestoppedandshookhands。
"Howareyou,Mr。Gay?"shesaid,notintroducingme。
"Stillwithyourinseparables!"hesaidgayly,withawaveofhishandtowardsthehorses。"Ihope,MissPhaeton,thatinthenextworldyourfaithfulsteedswillbeallowedtobearyoucompany,orwhatwillyoudo?"
"O,youthinkIcarefornothin’buthorses?"saidshepetulantly,butsheleanttowardshim,andgavemehershoulder。
"O,no,"helaughed。"Dogs,also,and,I’mafraid,onedayitwasferrets,wasn’tit?"
"Have——haveyouwrittenanypoetrylately?"sheasked。
"Howconscientiousofyoutoinquire!"heexclaimed,hiseyestwinkling。"O,yes,ahundredthings。Haveyou——killed——anythinglately?"
Icouldswearsheflushedagain。Hervoicetrembledassheanswered:
"No,notlately。"
IcaughtsightofhisfacebehindherbackandIthoughtIsawatraceofpuzzle——nothingmore。Heheldouthishand。
"Well,sogladtohaveseenyou,MissPhaeton,"saidhe,"butI
mustrunon。Goodbye。"
"Goodbye,Mr。Gay,"saidshe。
And,liftinghishatagain,smilingagaingayly,hewasgone。
ForamomentortwoIsaidnothing。ThenIremarked:
"Sothat’syourfriendGay,isit?He’snotabad—lookingfellow。"
"Yes,that’shim,"saidshe,and,asshespoke,shesankbackinherseatforamoment。Ididnotlookatherface。Thenshesatupstraightagainandtookthewhip。
"Wanttostayanylonger?"sheasked。
"No,"saidI。
Thelittlegroomsprangaway,RhinoandReadydashedahead。
"ShallIdropyouattheclub?"sheasked。"I’mgoin’home。"
"I’llgetouthere,"saidI。
Wecametoastandagain,andIgotdown。
"Goodbye,"Isaid。
Shenoddedatme,butsaidnothing。Asecondlaterthecarriagewastearingdowntheroad,andthelittlegroomhangingonfordearlife。
Ofcourse,it’sallnonsense。She’snottheleastsuitedtohim;
she’dmakehimmiserable,andthenbemiserableherself。Butitseemsalittleperverse,doesn’tit?Infact,twiceatleastbetweenthecoursesatdinnerIcaughtmyselfbeingsorryforher。Itis,whenyouthinkofit,soremarkablyperverse。
AMATTEROFDUTY
LadyMicklehamisbackfromherhoneymoon。ImeanyoungLadyMickleham——DollyFoster(well,ofcourseIdo。FancytheDowageronahoneymoon!)Shesignifiedthefacttomebyorderingmetocallonheratteatime;shehad,shesaid,somethingwhichshewishedtoconsultmeaboutconfidentially。Iwent。
"Ididn’tknowyouwereback,"Iobserved。
"Oh,we’vebeenbackafortnight,butwewentdowntoTheTowers。
Theywereallthere,Mr。Carter。"
"Allwho?"
"AllArchie’speople。Thedowagersaidwemustgetreallytoknowoneanotherassoonaspossible。I’mnotsureIlikereallyknowingpeople。Itmeansthattheysaywhatevertheyliketoyou,anddon’tgetupoutofyourfavoritechairwhenyoucomein。"
"Iagree,"saidI,"thatasoupconofunfamiliarityisnotamiss。"
"Ofcourseit’snicetobeoneofthefamily,"shecontinued。
"Thecatisthat,"saidI。"Iwouldnotgiveafigforit。"
"AndtheDowagertaughtmethewaysofthehouse。"
"Ah,shetaughtmethewayoutofit。"
"Andshowedmehowtobemostdisagreeabletotheservants。"
"Itisthefirstlessonofahousekeeper。"
"AndtoldmewhatArchieparticularlyliked,andhowbaditwasforhim,poorboy。"
"Whatshouldwedowithoutourmothers?Idonot,however,seehowIcanhelpinallthis,LadyMickleham。"
"Howfunnythatsounds!"
"Aren’tyouaccustomedtoyourdignityyet?"
"Imeantfromyou,Mr。Carter。"
Ismiled。ThatisDolly’sway。AsMissPhaetonsays,shemeansnoharm,anditisadmirablyconducivetothepleasureofatete—a—tete。
"Itwasn’tthatIwantedtoaskyouabout,"shecontinued,aftershehadindulgedinapensivesigh(withadutifullybrightsmileandaglanceatArchie’sphotographtofollow。Herbehavioralwaysremindsmeofavariedandwellassortedmenu)。"Itwasaboutsomethingmuchmoredifficult。Youwon’ttellArchie,willyou?"
"Thisbecomesinteresting,"Iremarked,puttingmyhatdown。
"Youknow,Mr。Carter,thatbeforeIwasmarried——oh,howlongagoitseems!"
"Notatall。"
"Don’tinterrupt。ThatbeforeIwasmarriedIhadseveral——thatistosay,several——well,several——"
"Startquiteafresh,"Isuggestedencouragingly。
"Well,then,severalmenweresillyenoughtothinkthemselves——youknow。"
"Noonebetter,"Iassentedcheerfully。
"Oh,ifyouwon’tbesensible!——Well,yousee,manyofthemareArchie’sfriendsaswellasmine;and,ofcourse,they’vebeentocall。"
"Itisbutgoodmanners,"saidI。
"Oneofthemwaitedtobesentfor,though。"
"Leavethatfellowout,"saidI。
"WhatIwanttoaskyouisthis——andIbelieveyou’renotsilly,really,youknow,exceptwhenyouchoosetobe。"
"WalkintheRowanyafternoon,"saidI,"andyouwon’tfindtenwisermen。"
"It’sthis。OughtItotellArchie?"
"Goodgracious!Here’saproblem!"
"Ofcourse,"pursuedLadyMickleham,openingherfan,"it’sinsomewaysmorecomfortablethatheshouldn’tknow。"
"Forhim?"
"Yes——andforme。Butthenitdoesn’tseemquitefair。"
"Tohim?"
"Yes——andtome。Becauseifhecametoknowfromanybodyelse,hemightexaggeratethethings,youknow。"
"Impossible!"
"Mr。Carter!"
"I——er——meanheknowsyoutoowelltodosuchathing。"
"Oh,Isee。Thankyou。Yes。Whatdoyouthink?"
"WhatdoestheDowagersay?"
"Ihaven’tmentionedittotheDowager。"
"Butsurely,onsuchapoint,herexperience——"
"Shecan’thaveany,"saidLadyMicklehamdecisively。"Ibelieveinherhusband,becauseImust。Butnobodyelse!You’renotgivingmeyouropinion。"
Ireflectedforamoment。
"Haven’tweleftoutonepointtoview?"Iventuredtosuggest。
"I’vethoughtitalloververycarefully,"saidshe;"bothasitwouldaffectmeandasitwouldaffectArchie。"
"Quiteso。Nowsupposeyouthinkhowitwouldaffectthem?"
"Who?"
"Why,themen。"
LadyMicklehamputdownhercupoftea。"Whataverycuriousidea!"sheexclaimed。
"Giveittimetosinkin,"saidI,helpingmyselftoanotherpieceoftoast。Shesatsilentforafewmoments——presumablytoallowofthepermeationIsuggested。Ifinishedmyteaandleantbackcomfortably。ThenIsaid:
"Letmetakemyowncase。Shouldn’tIfeelratherawkward——?"
"Oh,it’snogoodtakingyourcase,"sheinterrupted。
"Whynotmineaswellasanother?"
"BecauseItoldhimaboutyoulongago。"
Iwasnotsurprised。ButIcouldnotpermitLadyMicklehamtolaughatmeintheunconscionablemannerinwhichsheproceededtolaugh。Ispreadoutmyhandsandobservedblandly:
"Whynotbeguided——astotheothers,Imean——byyourhusband’sexample?"
"Archie’sexample?What’sthat?"
"Idon’tknow;butyoudo,Isuppose。"
"Whatdoyoumean,Mr。Carter?"sheasked,sittingupright。
"Well,hasheevertoldyouaboutMaggieAdeane?"
"Ineverheardofher。"
"OrLillyCourtenay?"
"Thatgirl!"
"OrAliceLayton?"
"Thered—hairedLayton?"
"OrFlorenceCunliffe?"
"Whowasshe?"
"OrMillieTrehearne?"
"Shesquints,Mr。Carter。"
"Or——"
"Stop,stop!Whatdoyoumean?Whatshouldhetellme?"
"Oh,Iseehehasn’t。Nor,Isuppose,aboutSylviaFenton,orthatlittleDelancygirl,orhandsomeMiss——whatwashername?"
"Holdyourtongue——andtellmewhatyoumean。"
"LadyMickleham,"saidIgravely,"ifyourhusbandhasnotthoughtfittomentiontheseladies——andotherswhomIcouldname——toyou,howcouldIpresume——?"
"DoyoumeantotellmethatArchie——?"
"He’donlyknownyouthreeyears,yousee。"
"Thenitwasbefore——?"
"Someofthemwerebefore,"saidI。
LadyMicklehamdrewalongbreath。
"Archiewillbeinsoon,"saidshe。
Itookmyhat。
"Itseemstome,"Iobserved,"thatwhatissauce——that,Ishouldsay,husbandandwifeoughttostandonanequalfootinginthesematters。Sincehehas——nodoubtforgoodreasons——notmentionedtoyou——"
"AliceLaytonwasapositivefright。"
"Shecamelast,"saidI。"Justbeforeyou,youknow。However,asIwassaying——"
"AndthathorribleSylviaFenton——"
"Oh,hecouldn’thaveknownyoulongthen。AsIwassaying,I
should,ifIwereyou,treathimashehastreatedyou。Inmycaseitseemstobetoolate。"
"I’msorryItoldhimthat。"
"Oh,praydon’tmind,it’sofnoconsequence。Astotheothers——"
"IshouldneverhavethoughtitofArchie!"
"Oneneverknows,"saidI,withanapologeticsmile。"Idon’tsupposehethinksitofyou。"
"Iwon’ttellhimasingleword。Hemayfindoutifhelikes。
Whowasthelastgirlyoumentioned?"
"Isitanyusetryingtorememberalltheirnames?"Iaskedinasoothingtone。"Nodoubthe’sforgottenthembynow——justasyou’veforgottentheothers。"
"AndtheDowagertoldmethathehadneverhadanattachmentbefore。"
"Oh,iftheDowagersaidthat!Ofcourse,theDowagerwouldknow!"
"Don’tbesosilly,forgoodnesssake!Areyougoing?"
"CertainlyIam。ItmightannoyArchietofindmeherewhenhewantstotalktoyou。"
"Well,Iwanttotalktohim。"
"Ofcourseyouwon’trepeatwhatI’ve——"
"Ishallfindoutformyself,"shesaid。
"Goodbye。IhopeI’veremovedallyourtroubles?"
"O,yes,thankyou。Iknowwhattodonow,Mr。Carter。"
"Alwayssendformeifyou’reinanytrouble。Ihavesomeexp——"
"Goodbye,Mr。Carter。"
"Goodbye,LadyMickleham。AndrememberthatArchie,likeyou——"
"Yes,yes;Iknow。Mustyougo?"
I’mafraidImust。I’veenjoyedourtalkso——"
"There’sArchie’sstep。"
Ilefttheroom。OnthestairsImetArchie。Ishookhandssympathetically。IwassorryforArchie。Butingreatcausestheindividualcannotbeconsidered。Ihaddonemydutytomysex。
MYLASTCHANCE
"Nowmind,"saidMrs。HilaryMusgrave,impressively,"thisisthelasttimeIshalltakeanytroubleaboutyou。She’saverynicegirl,quitepretty,andshe’llhavealotofmoney。Youcanbeverypleasantwhenyoulike——"
"Thisunsolicitedtestimonial——"
"Whichisn’toften——andifyoudon’tdoitthistimeIwashmyhandsofyou。Why,howoldareyou?"
"Hush,Mrs。Hilary,"
"Youmustbenearly——"
"It’sfalse——false——false!"
"Comealong,"saidMrs。Hilary,andsheaddedoverhershoulder,"shehasaslightnorth—countryaccent。"
"ItmighthavebeenScotch,"saidI。
"Sheplaysthepianoagooddeal。"
"Itmighthavebeenthefiddle,"saidI。
"She’sveryfondofBrowning。"
"ItmighthavebeenIbsen,"saidI。
Mrs。Hilary,seeingthatIwasdeterminedtolookonthebrightside,smiledgraciouslyonmeandintroducedmetotheyounglady。Shewasdecidedlygood—looking,freshandsincereofaspect,withlargeinquiringeyes——eyeswhichIfeltwoulddemandalittletoomuchofmeatbreakfast——butthenalargetea—urnputsthatallright。
"MissSophiaMilton——Mr。Carter,"saidMrs。Hilary,andleftus。
Well,wetriedthetheatersfirst;butasshehadonlybeentotheLyceumandIhadonlybeentotheGaioety,wesoongottotheendofthat。ThenwetriedArt:sheaskedmewhatIthoughtofDegas:Ievadedthequestionbycriticizingadrawingofahorseinlastweek’sPunch——whichshehadn’tseen。Uponthisshestartedliterature。Shesaid"SomeQualmsandaShiver"wasthebookoftheseason。Iputmymoneyon"TheQueenoftheQuorn。"
Deadstopagain!AndIsawMrs。Hilary’seyeuponme;therewaswrathinherface。Somethingmustbedone。Abrilliantideaseizedme。Ihadreadthatfour—fifthsofthecultureofEnglandwereConservative。IalsowasaConservative。Itwasfourtooneon!Istartedpolitics。IcouldhavewhoopedforjoywhenI
elicitedsomethingparticularlyincisiveabouttheignoranceofthemasses。
"Idohopeyouagreewithme,"saidMissMilton。"Themoreonereadsandthinks,themoreoneseeshowfatallyfalseatheoryitisthattheignorantmasses——peoplesuchasIhavedescribed——caneverruleagreatEmpire。"
"TheEmpirewantsgentlemen;that’swhatitwants,"saidI,noddingmyheadandglancingtriumphantlyatMrs。Hilary。
"Menandwomen,"saidshe,"whoareacquaintedwiththebestthathasbeensaidandthoughtonallimportantsubjects。"
AtthetimeIbelievedthisobservationtobeoriginal,butI
havesincebeentoldthatitwasborrowed。Iwasdelightedwithit。
"Yes,"saidI,"andhavegotastakeinthecountry,youknow,andknowhowtobehaveemselvesintheHouse,don’tyouknow?"
"Whatwehavetodo,"pursuedMissMilton,"istoguidethevoters。Thesepoorrusticsneedtobeinformed——"
"Justso,"Ibrokein。"Theyhavetobetold——"
"Oftherealnatureofthequestions——"
"Andwhichcandidatetosupport。"
"Ortheymustinfallibly"——sheexclaimed。
"Gettheirmarchingorders,"Icried,inrapture。ItwasexactlywhatIalwaysdidonmysmallproperty。
"Oh,Ididn’tquitemeanthat,"shesaidreproachfully。
"Oh,well,neitherdidI——quite,"Irespondedadroitly。Whatwaswrongwiththegirlnow?
"ButwiththehelpoftheLeague——"shewenton。
"Doyoubelong?"Icried,moredelightedthanever。
"O,yes,"saidshe。"Ithinkit’saduty。Iworkedveryhardatthelastelection。Ispentdaysdistributingpackagesof——"
ThenImade,I’msorrytosay,afalsestep。Iobserved,interrupting:
"Butit’sticklishworknow,eh?Sixmonths’’hard’wouldn’tbepleasant,wouldit?"
"Whatdoyoumean,Mr。——erCarter?"sheasked。
Iwasstillblind。IbelieveIwinked,andI’msureIwhispered,"Tea。"
MissMiltondrewherselfupverystraight。
"Idonotbribe,"shesaid。"WhatIdistributeispamphlets。"
NowIsupposethat"pamphlets"and"blanketsdon’treallysoundmuchalike,butIwasagitated。
"Quiteright,"saidI。"Pooroldthings!Theycan’taffordproperfuel。"
Sherosetoherfeet。
"Iwasnotjoking,"shesaidwithhorribleseverity。
"NeitherwasI,"Ideclaredinhumbleapology。"Didn’tyousayblankets?’"
"Pamphlets。"
"Oh!"
Therewasalongpause。IglancedatMrs。Hilary。Thingshadnotfallenoutashappilyastheymight,butIdidnotmeantogiveupyet。
"Iseeyou’reright,"Isaid,stillhumbly。"TodescendtosuchmeansasIhadinmymindis——"
"Tothrowawayourtrueweapons,"saidsheearnestly。(Shesatdownagain——goodsign。)
"Whatwereallyneed——"Ibegan。
"Isareformoftheupperclasses,"saidshe。
"Letthemgiveanexampleofduty,ofself—denial,offrugality。"
Iwasnottobecaughtoutagain。
"JustwhatIalwayssay,"Iobserved,impressively。
"Letthemputawaytheirhorseracing,theirbetting,theirluxuriousliving,their——"
"You’reright,MissMilton,"saidI。
"Letthemsetanexampleofmorality。"
"Theyshould,"Iassented。
MissMiltonsmiled。
"Ithoughtweagreedreally,"saidshe。
"I’msurewedo,"criedI;andIwinkedwithmy"off"eyeatMrs。
HilaryasIsatdownbesideMissMilton。
"NowIheardofamantheotherday,"saidshe,"who’snearly40。
He’sgotanestateinthecountry。Henevergoesthere,exceptforafewdays’shooting。Helivesintown。Hespendstoomuch。
Hepassesanabsolutelyvacantexistenceinaroundofemptygaiety。Hehasbynomeansagoodreputation。Hedanglesabout,wastinghistimeandhismoney。Isthatthesortofexample——?"
"He’satraitortohisclass,"saidIwarmly。
"Ifyouwanthim,youmustlookonaracecourse,oratatailor’s,orinsomefashionablewoman’sboudoir。Andhisestatelooksafteritself。He’stooselfishtomarry,tooidletowork,toosillytothink。"
Ibegantobesorryforthisman,inspiteofhispeccadilloes。
"IwonderifI’vemethim,"saidI。"I’moccasionallyintown,whenIcangettimetorunup。What’shisname?"
"Idon’tthinkIheard——orI’veforgotten。Buthe’sgottheplacenexttoafriendofmineinthecountry,andshetoldmeallabouthim。She’sexactlytheoppositesortofperson——orshewouldn’tbemyfriend。"
"Ishouldthinknot,MissMilton,"saidIadmiringly。
"Oh,Ishouldliketomeetthatman,andtellhimwhatIthinkofhim!"saidshe。"Suchmenashedomoreharmthanadozenagitators。Socontemptible,too!"
"It’srevoltingtothinkof,"saidI。
"I’msogladyou——"beganMissMilton,quiteconfidentially;I
pulledmychairatriflecloser,andcastanapparentlycarelessglancetowardsMrs。Hilary。SuddenlyIheardavoicebehindme。
"Eh,what?Uponmyhonoritis!Why,Carter,myboy,howareyou?Eh,what?MissMilton,too,Ideclare!Well,now,whatapityAnniedidn’tcome!"
Idisagreed。IhateAnnie。ButIwasverygladtoseemyfriendandneighbor,RobertDinnerly。He’sasensibleman——hiswife’salittleprig。
"Oh,Mr。Dinnerly,"criedMissMilton,"howfunnythatyoushouldcomejustnow?IwasjusttryingtorememberthenameofamanMrs。Dinnerlytoldmeabout。IwastellingMr。Carterabouthim。
Youknowhim。"
"Well,MissMilton,perhapsIdo。Describehim。"
"Idon’tbelieveAnnieevertoldmehisname,butshewastalkingabouthimatourhouseyesterday。"
"ButIwasn’tthere,MissMilton。"
"No,"saidMissMilton,"buthe’sgotthenextplacetoyoursinthecountry。"
Ipositivelyleapedfrommyseat。
"Why,goodgracious,Carterhimself,youmean?"criedDinnerly,laughing。"Well,thatisagoodun——ha—ha—ha!"
Sheturnedastonyglareonme。
"DoyoulivenexttoMr。Dinnerlyinthecountry?"sheasked。
IwouldhavedenieditifDinnerlyhadnotbeenthere。Asitwas,Iblewmynose。
"Iwonder,"saidMissMilton,"whathasbecomeofAuntEmily。"
"MissMilton,"saidI,"byahappychanceyouhaveenjoyedaluxury。Youhavetoldthemanwhatyouthinkofhim。"
"Yes,"saidshe;"andIhaveonlytoaddthatheisalsoahypocrite。"
Pleasant,wasn’tit?YetMrs。Hilarysaysitwasmyfault。
That’sawomanallover!
THELITTLEWRETCH
SeeingthatlittleJohnnyTompkinswassafelyoutofthecountry,underinjunctionstomakeanewmanofhimself,andtokeepthatnewman,whenmade,attheAntipodes,IcouldnotseeanythingindiscreetintouchingonthematterinthecourseofconversationwithMrs。HilaryMusgrave。Inpointoffact,Iwascurioustofindoutwhatsheknew,andsupposingsheknew,whatshethought。SoImentionedlittleJohnnyTompkins。
"Oh,thelittlewretch!"criedMrs。Hilary。"Youknowhecameheretwoorthreetimes?AnybodycanimposeonHilary。"
"HappywomanI——Imeanunhappyman,Mrs。Hilary。"
"Andhowmuchwasithestole?"
"Hardonathousand,"saidI。"Foratime,youknow,hewasquiteamanoffashion。"
"Oh,Iknow。Hecamehereinhisownhansom,perfectlydressed,and——"
"Behavedallright,didn’the?"
"Yes。Ofcoursetherewasasomething。"
"Oryouwouldn’thavebeendeceived!"saidI,withasmile。
"Iwasn’tdeceived,"saidMrs。Hilary,anadmirableflushappearingonhercheeks。
"Thatistosay,Hilarywouldn’t。"
"Oh,Hilary!Whydidn’thisemployersprosecutehim,Mr。
Carter?"
"Inthefirstplace,hehadthatinestimableadvantageinacareerofdishonesty——respectablerelations。"
"Well,butstill——"
"Hiswidowedmotherwasatrump,youknow。"
"Doyoumeanagoodwoman。"
"Doubtlessshewas;butImeanagoodcard。However,therewasanotherreason。"
"Ican’tseeany,"declaredMrs。Hilary。
"I’mgoingtosurpriseyou,"saidI。"Hilaryintercededforhim。"
"Hilary?"
"Youdidn’tknowit?Ithoughtnot。Well,hedid。"
"Why,healwayspretendedtowanthimtobeconvicted。"
"CunningHilary!"saidI。
"Heusedtospeakmoststronglyagainsthim。"
"Thatwashisguile,"saidI。
"Oh,butwhyintheworld——?"shebegan;thenshepaused,andwentonagain:"ItwasnothingtodowithHilary。"
"Hilarywentwithmetoseehim,youknow,whiletheyhadhimunderlockandkeyatthefirm’soffices。"
"Didhe?Ineverheardthat。"
"Andhewasmuchimpressedwithhisbearing。"
"Well,Isuppose,Mr。Carter,thatifhewasreallypenitent——"
"Neversawamanlesspenitent,"Iinterrupted。"Hegloriedinhiscrime;ifIrememberhisexactexpression,itwasthatthejamwasjollywellworththepowder,andiftheylikedtosendhimtochokeetheycouldandbe——andsufferaccordingly,youknow。"
"Andafterthat,Hilary——!"
"Oh,anybodycanimposeonHilary,youknow。Hilaryonlyaskedwhatthejamwas。"
"It’sahorridexpression,butIsupposeitmeantactingthepartofagentleman,didn’tit?"
"Notentirely。AccordingtowhathetoldHilary,Johnnywasinlove。"
"Oh,andhestoleforsomewretched——?"
"Nowdobecareful。Whatdoyouknowaboutthelady?"
"Thelady!IcanimagineJohnnyTompkin’s’sideal?"
"SocanI,ifyoucometothat。"
"Andshemusthaveknownhismoneywasn’thisown。"
"Whymustshe?"Iasked。"AccordingtowhathetoldHilary,shedidn’t。"
"Idon’tbelieveit,"saidMrs。Hilary,withdecision。
"Hilarybelievedit!"
"Oh,Hilary!"
"But,thenHilaryknewthegirl。"
"Hilaryknew——!YoumeantosayHilaryknew——?
"Noonebetter,"saidIcomposedly。