TranslatedbyA。R。Waller,M。A。
  AmphitryonwasplayedforthefirsttimeinParis,attheTheatreduPalais-Royal,January13,1668。Itwassuccessfullyreceived,holdingtheboardsuntilthe18thofMarch,whenEasterintervened。
  Afterthere-openingofthetheatre,itwasplayedhalfadozentimesmorethesameyear,andcontinuedtoplease。
  Thefirsteditionwaspublishedin1668。
  Note:ItisperhapshardlynecessarytoreferthereadertoAmphitryon,byPlautus,thecomedyuponwhichMoliere’scharmingplaywas,inthemain,based。Therenderingattemptedherecangivebutafaintreflectionoftheoriginal,forhardlyanycomedyofMoliere’slosesmoreintheprocessoftranslation。
  AmphitryonAplaybyMolierePROLOGUE
  MERCURY,onacloud;NIGHT,inachariotdrawnbytwohorsesMERC。Wait!GentleNight;deigntostayawhile:Somehelpisneededfromyou。IhavetwowordstosaytoyoufromJupiter。
  NIGHT。Ah!Ah!Itisyou,SeigneurMercury!Whowouldhavethoughtofyouhere,inthatposition?
  MERC。Well,feelingtired,andnotbeingabletofulfilthedifferentdutiesJupiterorderedme,Iquietlysatdownonthiscloudtoawaityourcoming。
  NIGHT。Youjest,Mercury:youdonotmeanit;doesitbecometheGodstosaytheyaretired?
  MERC。AretheGodsmadeofiron?
  NIGHT。No;butonemustalwayshaveacarefordivinedecorum。Therearecertainwordstheuseofwhichdebasesthissublimequality,anditismeetthattheseshouldbelefttomen,becausetheyareunworthy。
  MERC。Youspeakatyourease,fairlady,fromaswiftlyrollingchariot,inwhich,likeadamefreefromcare;youaredrawnbytwofinehorseswhereveryoulike。Butitisnotthesamewithme。SuchismymiserablefatethatIcannotbearthepoetstoogreatagrudgefortheirgrossimpertinenceinhaving,byanunjustlaw,whichtheywishtoretaininforce,givenaseparateconveyancetoeachGod,forhisownuse,andleftmetogoonfoot:me,likeavillagemessenger,though,aseveryoneknows,IamthefamousmessengerofthesovereignoftheGods,ontheearthandintheheavens。Withoutanyexaggeration,Ineedmorethananyoneelsethemeansofbeingcarriedabout,becauseofallthedutiesheputsuponme。
  NIGHT。Whatcanonedo?Thepoetsdowhatpleasesthem。Itisnottheonlystupiditywehavedetectedinthesegentlemen。Butsurelyyourirritationagainstthemiswrong,forthewingsatyourfeetareafriendlygiftoftheirs。
  MERC。Yes;butdoesgoingmorequicklytireoneselfless?
  NIGHT。Letusleavethematter,SeigneurMercury,andlearnwhatiswanted。
  MERC。Jupiter,asIhavetoldyou,wishesthedarkaidofyourcloakforacertaingallantadventure,whichanewloveaffairhasfurnishedhim。Hiscustomisnotnewtoyou,Ibelieve:oftendoesheneglecttheheavensfortheearth;andyouarenotignorantthatthismasteroftheGodslovestotakeuponhimselftheguiseofmantowooearthlybeauties。Heknowsahundredingenioustrickstoentrapthemostobdurate。HehasfeltthedartsofAlcmene’seyes;
  and,whilstAmphitryon,herhusband,commandstheThebantroopsontheplainsofBoeotia,Jupiterhastakenhisform,andassuagedhispains,inthepossessionofthesweetestofpleasures。Theconditionofthecoupleispropitioustohisdesire:Hymenjoinedthemonlyafewdaysago;andtheyoungwarmthoftheirtenderlovesuggestedtoJupitertohaverecoursetothisfineartifice。Hisstratagemprovedsuccessfulinthiscase;butwithmanyacherishedobjectasimilardisguisewouldnotbeofanyuse:itisnotalwaysasuremeansofpleasing,toadopttheform,ofahusband。
  NIGHT。IadmireJupiter,andIcannotimagineallthedisguiseswhichcomeintohishead。
  MERC。Bythesemeanshewishestotasteallsortsofconditions:
  thatistheactofaGodwhoisnotafool。Howevermortalsmayregardhim,Ishouldthinkverymeanlyofhimifheneverquittedhisredoubtablemien,andwerealwaysintheheavens,standinguponhisdignity。Inmyopinion,thereisnothingmoreidioticthanalwaystobeimprisonedinone’sgrandeur;aboveall,aloftyrankbecomesveryinconvenientinthetransportsofamorousardour。
  Jupiter,nodoubt,isaconnoisseurinpleasure,andheknowshowtodescendfromtheheightofhissupremeglory。Sothathecanenterintoeverythingthatpleaseshim,heentirelycastsasidehimself,andthenitisnolongerJupiterwhoappears。
  NIGHT。Icouldoverlookseeinghimstepdownfromhissublimestagetothatofmen,sincehewishestoenterintoallthetransportswhichtheirnaturescansupply,andjoinintheirjests,if,inthechangeswhichtakehisfancy,hewouldconfinehimselftonature。
  ButIdonotthinkitfittingtoseeJupiterasabull,aserpent,aswan,orwhatnot,anditdoesnotastonishmethatitissometimestalkedabout。
  MERC。Letallthebusybodiestalk;suchchangeshavetheirowncharmsandsurpasspeople’sunderstanding。TheGodknowswhathedoesinthisaffairasineverythingelse:inthemovementsoftheirtenderpassions,animalsarenotsoloutishasonemightthink。
  NIGHT。Letusreturntotheladywhosefavoursheenjoys。If,byhisstratagem,hispursuitissuccessful,whatmorecanhewish?WhatcanIdo?
  MERC。Hewishesthatyouwouldslackenthepaceofyourhorses,tosatisfythepassionofhisamorousheart,andsomakeofadelightfulnightthelongestnightofall;thatyouwouldgivehimmoretimeforhistransports,andretardthebirthofdaysinceitwillhastenthereturnofhimwhoseplaceheoccupies。
  NIGHT。ReallytheemploymentwhichthegreatJupiterreservesformeisaworthyone!Theserviceherequiresofmepassesunderaveryrespectablename。
  MERC。Youaresomewhatold-fashionedforayounggoddess!Suchanemploymentisnotdebasingexceptamongpeopleofmeanbirth。Whenonehasthehappinessofbelongingtoloftyrank,whateveronedoesisalwaysrightandgood;thingschangetheirnamestosuitwhatonemaybe。
  NIGHT。YouknowmoreaboutsuchmattersthanIdo;Iwilltrusttoyourenlightenedviewsandacceptthisemployment。
  MERC。Come,come,now,MadamNight,alittlegently,Ibeseechyou。
  Theworldgivesyouthereputationofnotbeingsoscrupulous。Inahundreddifferentclimesyouaremadetheconfidantofmanygallantadventures;and,ifImayspeakcandidly,wedonotoweeachotheranything。
  NIGHT。Letusceasethesereproachesandremainwhatweare。Letusnotgivemencausetolaughbytellingeachotherthetruth。
  MERC。Adieu。Iamgoingtheretoplaymypartinthisbusiness,promptlytostripmyselfoftheformofMercuryandtotakeinitsplacethefigureofAmphitryon’svalet。
  NIGHT。Iamgoingtokeepstationinthishemispherewithmysombretrain。
  MERC。Goodday,Night。
  NIGHT。Adieu,Mercury。
  (Mercurydescendsfromhiscloudtotheearth,andNightgoesawayinherchariot。)
  ENDOFTHEPROLOGUE。
  ACTI
  SCENEI
  SOSIE
  Whogoesthere?Eh?Myfeargrowswitheverystep。Gentlemen,Iamafriendtoalltheworld。Ah!Whatunparalleledboldness,tobeoutatthishour!Mymasteriscrownedwithfame,butwhatavillainoustrickheplaysmehere!What?Ifhehadanyloveforhisneighbour,wouldhehavesentmeoutinsuchablacknight?Couldhenotjustaswellhavewaiteduntilitwasdaybeforesendingmetoannouncehisreturnandthedetailsofhisvictory?Towhatservitudearethydayssubjected,Sosie!Ourlotisfarmorehardwiththegreatthanwiththemean。Theyinsistthateverythinginnatureshouldbecompelledtosacrificeitselfforthem。Nightandday,hail,wind,peril,heat,cold,assoonastheyspeakwemustfly。Twentyyearsofassiduousservicedonotgainusanyconsiderationfromthem。Theleastlittlewhimdrawsdownuponustheiranger。
  Notwithstandingthis,ourinfatuatedheartsclingtotheemptyhonourofremainingnearthem,contentedwiththefalseidea,whicheveryoneholds,thatwearehappy。Invainreasonbidsusretire;
  invainourspitesometimesconsentstothis;tobenearthemistoopowerfulaninfluenceonourzeal,andtheleastfavourofacaressingglanceimmediatelyre-engagesus。Butatlast,Iseeourhousethroughthedarkness,andmyfearvanishes。
  Imustpreparesomethought-outspeechformymission。ImustgiveAlcmenewarlikedescriptionofthefiercecombatwhichputourenemiestoflight。ButhowthedeucecanIdothissinceIwasnotthere?Nevermind;letustalkofcutandthrust,asthoughIwereaneyewitness。Howmanypeopledescribebattlesfromwhichtheyremainedfaraway!Inordertoactmypartwithoutdiscredit,Iwillrehearseitalittle。
  ThisisthechamberintowhichIamusheredasthemessenger:thislanternisAlcmene,towhomIhavetospeak。(Hesetshislanternonthegroundandsalutesit。)’Madam,Amphitryon,mymasterandyourhusband,……(Good!thatisafinebeginning!)whosemindiseverfullofyourcharms,haschosenmefromamongstalltobringtidingsofthesuccessofhisarms,andofhisdesiretobenearyou。’’Ah!
  Really,mypoorSosie,Iamdelightedtoseeyoubackagain。’
  ’Madam,youdometoomuchhonour:mylotisanenviableone。’(Wellanswered!)
  ’HowisAmphitryon?’’Madam,asamanofcourageshouldbe,whengloryleadshim。’(Verygood!Acapitalidea!)’Whenwillmyheartbecharmedandsatisfiedbyhisreturn?’’Assoonaspossible,assuredly,Madam,buthisheartdesiresaspeedierreturn。’(Ah!)
  ’Inwhatstatehasthewarlefthim?Whatsayshe?Whatdoeshe?
  Easemyanxiety。’Hesayslessthanhedoes,Madam,andmakeshisenemiestremble。’(Plague!wheredoIgetallthesefinespeeches?)
  ’Whataretherebelsdoing?Tellme,whatistheircondition?’’Theycouldnotresistourefforts,Madam;wecutthemtopieces,puttheirchief,Pterelas,todeath,tookTelebosbyassault;andnowtheportringswithourprowess。’’Ah!Whatasuccess!YeGods!Whocouldeverhaveimaginedit?Tellme,Sosie,howithappened。’’I
  will,gladly,Madam;and,withoutboasting,Icantellyou,withthegreatestaccuracy,thedetailsofthisvictory。Imagine,therefore,Madam,thatTelebosisonthisside。(Hemarkstheplacesonhishand,orontheground。)ItisacityreallyalmostaslargeasThebes。Theriveris,say,there。Here,ourpeopleencamped;andthatspacewasoccupiedbyourenemies。Onaheight,somewhereabouthere,wastheirinfantry;and,lowerdown,ontherightside,wastheircavalry。AfterhavingaddressedprayerstotheGods,andissuedalltheorders,thesignalwasgiven。Theenemy,thinkingtoturnourflank,dividedtheirhorsesoldiersintothreeplatoons;
  butwesoonchilledtheirwarmth,andyoushallseehow。Hereisourvanguardreadytobeginwork;there,werethearchersofourking,Creon;andhere,themainarmy(someonemakesaslightnoise),whichwasjustgoingto……Stay;themainbodyisafraid’;I
  thinkIhearsomenoise。
  SCENEII
  MERCURY,SOSIE
  MERC。(UndertheformofSosie。)Underthismaskwhichresembleshim,Iwilldriveawaythebabblerfromhere。Hisunfortunatearrivalmaydisturbthepleasuresourloversaretastingtogether。
  SOS。Myheartrevivesalittle;perhapsitwasnothing。Lestanythinguntowardshouldhappen,however,Iwillgointofinishtheconversation。
  MERC。IshallpreventyourdoingthatunlessyouarestrongerthanMercury。
  SOS。Thisnightseemstomeunusuallylong。BythetimeIhavebeenontheway,eithermymasterhastakeneveningformorning,orlovelyPhoebusslumberstoolonginbedthroughhavingtakentoomuchwine。
  MERC。WithwhatirreverencethislubberspeaksoftheGods!Myarmshallsoonchastisethisinsolence;Ishallhaveafinegamewithhim,stealinghisnameaswellashislikeness。
  SOS。Ah!uponmyword,Iwasright:Iamdonefor,miserablecreaturethatIam!Iseeamanbeforeourhousewhosemienbodesmenogood。Iwillsingalittletoshowsomesemblanceofassurance。
  (Hesings;and,whenMercuryspeaks,hisvoiceweakens,littlebylittle。)
  MERC。Whatrascalisthis,whotakestheunwarrantablelicenceofsinginganddeafeningmelikethis?Doeshewishmetocurryhiscoatforhim?
  SOS。Assuredlythatfellowdoesnotlikemusic。
  MERC。Formorethanaweek,IhavenotfoundanyonewhosebonesI
  couldbreak;myarmwillloseitsstrengthinthisidleness。Imustlookoutforsomeone’sbacktogetmywindagain。
  SOS。Whatthedeuceofafellowisthis?Myheartthrillswithclutchingfear。ButwhyshouldItremblethus?PerhapstherogueisasmuchafraidasIam,andtalksinthiswaytohidehisfearfrommeunderafeignedaudacity。Yes,yes,Iwillnotallowhimtothinkmeagoose。IfIamnotbold,Iwilltrytoappearso。Letmeseekcouragebyreason;heisalone,evenasIam;Iamstrong,Ihaveagoodmaster,andthereisourhouse。
  MERC。Whogoesthere?
  SOS。I。
  MERC。Who,I?
  SOS。I。Courage,Sosie!
  MERC。Tellme,whatisyourcondition?
  SOS。Tobeaman,andtospeak。
  MERC。Areyouamaster,oraservant?
  SOS。Asfancytakesme。
  MERC。Whereareyougoing?
  SOS。WhereIintendtogo。
  MERC。Ah!Thisannoysme。
  SOS。Iamravishedtohearit。
  MERC。Byhookorbycrook,Imustdefinitelyknowallaboutyou,youwretch;whatyoudo,whenceyoucomebeforethedaybreaks,whereyouaregoing,andwhoyoumaybe。
  SOS。Idogoodandillbyturns;Icomefromthere;Igothere;I
  belongtomymaster。
  MERC。Youshowwit,andIseeyouthinktoplaythemanofimportanceformyedification。Ifeelinclinedtomakeyouracquaintancebyslappingyourface。
  SOS。Mine?
  MERC。Yours;andthereyougetit,sharp。(Mercurygiveshimaslap。)
  SOS。Ah!Ah!Thisisafinegame!
  MERC。No;itisonlyalaughingmatter,areplytoyourquips。
  SOS。Goodheavens!Friend,howyouswingoutyourarmwithoutanyonesayinganythingtoyou。
  MERC。Thesearemylightestclouts,littleordinarysmacks。
  SOS。IfIwereashastyasyou,weshouldhaveafineado。
  MERC。Allthisisnothingasyet:itismerelytofilluptime;weshallsoonseesomethingelse;butletuscontinueourconversation。
  SOS。Igiveupthegame。(Heturnstogoaway。)
  MERC。Whereareyougoing?
  SOS。Whatdoesitmattertoyou?
  MERC。Iwanttoknowwhereyouaregoing。
  SOS。Iamgoingtoopenthatdoor。Whydoyoudetainme?
  MERC。Ifyoudaretogonearit,Ishallraindownastormofblowsonyou。
  SOS。What?Youwishtohindermefromenteringourownhousebythreats?
  MERC。Whatdoyousay,yourhouse?
  SOS。Yes,ourhouse。
  MERC。O,thescoundrel!Youspeakofthathouse?
  SOS。Certainly。IsnotAmphitryonthemasterofit?
  MERC。Well!Whatdoesthatprove?
  SOS。Iamhisvalet。
  MERC。You?
  SOS。I。
  MERC。Hisvalet?
  SOS。Unquestionably。
  MERC。ValetofAmphitryon?
  SOS。OfAmphitryonhimself。
  MERC。Yournameis?
  SOS。Sosie。
  MERC。Eh?What?
  SOS。Sosie。
  MERC。Listen:doyourealisethatmyfistcanknockyouspinning?
  SOS。Why?Whatfuryhasseizedyounow?
  MERC。Tellme,whomadeyousorashastotakethenameofSosie?
  SOS。Idonottakeit;Ihavealwaysborneit。
  MERC。Owhatamonstrouslie!Whatconfoundedimpudence!YoudaretomaintainthatSosieisyourname?
  SOS。Certainly;Imaintainit,forthegoodreasonthattheGodshavesoordereditbytheirsupremepower。Itisnotinmypowertosayno,andtobeanyoneelsethanmyself。
  (Mercurybeatshim。)MERC。Athousandstripesoughttobetherewardofsuchaudacity。
  SOS。Justice,citizens!Help!Ibeseechyou。
  MERC。So,yougallows-bird,youyellout?
  SOS。Youbeatmedownwithathousandblows,andyetdonotwishmetocryout?
  MERC。Itisthusthatmyarm……
  SOS。Theactionisunworthy。Yougloatovertheadvantagewhichmywantofcouragegivesyouoverme;thatisnotfairtreatment。Itismerebullyingtowishtoprofitbythepoltrooneryofthosewhomonemakestofeeltheweightofone’sarm。Tothrashamanwhodoesnotretaliateisnottheactofageneroussoul;andtoshowcourageagainstmenwhohavenonemeritscondemnation。
  MERC。Well!AreyoustillSosie?Whatsayyou?
  SOS。Yourblowshavenotmadeanymetamorphosisinme;allthechangethereisisthatinthematterIamSosiethrashed。
  MERC。Still?Ahundredfreshblowsforthisfreshimpudence。
  SOS。Havemercy,atrucetoyourblows。
  MERC。Thenatrucetoyourinsolence。
  SOS。Anythingthatpleasesyou;Iwillkeepsilence。Thedisputebetweenusistoounequal。
  MERC。AreyoustillSosie?Say,villain!
  SOS。Alas!Iamwhatyouwish;disposeofmylotexactlyasyouplease:yourarm’hasmadeyouthemasterofit。
  MERC。IthinkyousaidyournamewasSosie?
  SOS。True,untilnowIthoughtthematterwasclear;butyourrodhasmademeseethatIwasmistakeninthisaffair。
  MERC。IamSosie:allThebesavowsit。Amphitryonhasneverhadotherthanme。
  SOS。You,Sosie?
  MERC。Yes,Sosie;andifanyonetrifleswithme,hemusttakecareofhimself。
  SOS。Heavens!MustIthusrenouncemyself,andseemynamestolenbyanimpostor。HowluckyIamapoltroon!Or,bythedeath……!
  MERC。Whatareyoumumblingbetweenyourteeth?
  SOS。Nothing。But,inthenameoftheGods,givemeleavetospeakonemomentwithyou。
  MERC。Speak。
  SOS。Butpromiseme,Ibeseechyou,thatthereshallnotbeanymorestrokes。Letussignatruce。
  MERC。Letthatpass;goon,Igrantyouthispoint。
  SOS。Tellme,whoputthisfancyintoyourhead?Whatbenefitwillitbetoyoutotakemyname?Inshort,wereyouademon,couldyouhindermefrombeingmyself,frombeingSosie?
  MERC。Whatisthis,youdare……
  SOS。Ah!Gently:thereisatrucetoblows。
  MERC。What!Gallows-bird,impostor,scoundrel……
  SOS。Asforabuse,givemeasmuchasyouplease;itmakesbutaslightwoundanddoesnotbotherme。
  MERC。YousayyouareSosie?
  SOS。Yes。Someridiculoustale……
  MERC。So,Ishallbreakourtruce,andtakebackmyword。
  SOS。Ican’thelpit。Icannotannihilatemyselfforyou,andenduresoimprobableatale。IsitinyourpowertobewhatIam?CanI
  ceasetobemyself?Didanyoneeverhearofsuchathing?Andcanyougivethelietoahundredclearindications?DoIdream?DoI
  sleep?Ismymindtroubledbypowerfultransports?DoInotfeelI
  amawake?AmInotinmyrightsenses?Hasnotmymaster,Amphitryon,commandedmetocomeheretoAlcmenehiswife?AmInot,incommendinghispassiontoher,togiveheranaccountofhisdeedsagainstourenemies?HaveInotjustcomefromtheharbour?DoInotholdalanterninmyhand?HaveInotfoundyouinfrontofourhouse?DidInotspeaktoyouinaperfectlyfriendlymanner?Doyounotmakeuseofmypoltroonerytohindermefromenteringourhouse?Haveyounotventedyourrageuponmyback?Haveyounotshoweredblowsonme?Ah!Allthisisbuttootrue:wouldtoHeavenitwerelessreal!Ceasethereforetojeeratawretch’slot,andleavemetoacquitmyselfwheremydutycallsme。
  MERC。Stop,ortheshorteststepbringsdownuponyourbackclatteringevidenceofmyjustanger。Allyouhavejustsaidismine,excepttheblows。ItisI,whomAmphitryonsenttoAlcmene;
  whohasjustarrivedfromthePersianport;I,whohavecometoannouncethevalourofhisarm,whichhasgainedusagloriousvictory,andslainthechiefofourenemies。Inshort,IamundoubtedlySosie,sonofDave,anhonestshepherd;brotherofArpage,whodiedinaforeignland;husbandofCleanthistheprude,whosetemperdrivesmewild;I,whoreceivedathousandcutsfromawhipatThebes,withouteversayinganythingaboutit;andwhowasoncepubliclybrandedonthebackforbeingtooworthyaman。
  SOS。Heisright。IfhewerenotSosie,hecouldnotknowallhesays;allthisissoastoundingthatevenIbegintobelievehimalittle。Infact,nowIlookathim,Iseehehasmyfigure,looks,andmanners。Iwiltaskhimsomequestion,inordertoclearupthismystery。WhatdidAmphitryonobtainashisshareofalltheplundertakenfromourenemies?
  MERC。Fivefinelargediamonds,beautifullysetinacluster,whichtheirchiefworeasararepieceofhandicraft。
  SOS。Forwhomdoesheintendsorichapresent?
  MERC。Forhiswife;heintendshertowearit。
  SOS。Wherehaveyouputit,untilyoumeether?
  MERC。Inacasketsealedwiththearmsofmymaster。
  SOS。Hedoesnottellasinglelieatanyturn:Ibegintodoubtmyselfinearnest。HehasalreadycowedmeintobelievinghimtobeSosie;andhemightevenreasonmeintothinkinghimso。Yet,whenI
  touchmyself,andrecollect,itseemstomeIammyself。WherecanI
  findsomelightthatwillclearlymakemywayplain?WhatIhavedonealone,andwhatnoonehasseen,cannotbeknowntoanyoneelse:that,atleast,belongstome。Iwillastonishhimbythisquestion:itwillconfoundhim,andweshallsee。Whentheywereatclosequarters,whatwereyoudoinginourtents,whitheryourantohideyourselfaway?
  MERC。OffahamSOS。Thatisit!
  MERC。WhichIunearthed,Isooncuttwosucculentslices:theysuitedmenicely。Iaddedtothemawinewhichwasusuallykeptdark,and,gloatedoverthesightofitbeforeItastedit。SoI
  tookheartforourfighters。
  SOS。Thisunparalleledproofendsmatterswellinhisfavour;and,unlesshewereinthebottle,thereisnothingtobesaid。Fromtheproofsyoushowme,IcannotdenythatyouareSosie:Iadmitit。
  But,ifyouarehe,tellmewhomyouwishmetobe;forImustbesomeone。
  MERC。WhenIshallnolongerbeSosie,youmaybehe,Iconsenttothat;butIpromiseyouitshallbethedeathofyouifyoutakeupsuchafancywhileIamhe。
  SOS。Allthisconfusionturnsmeinsideout,forreasonisagainstwhatIsee。ButImustendthisbysomemeans;andtheshortestwayformeistogointhere。
  MERC。Oh!Yougallows-bird,youwanttotastethestick。
  SOS。Whatisthematter?GreatGods!Hemakestheblowsringagain;
  mybackwillacheforamonth。Iwillleavethisdevilofafellow,andreturntotheharbour。OjustHeavens,whatafineambassadorIhavebeen!
  MERC。Atlast,Ihavemadehimfly;thistreatmenthaspaidhimoutformanyofhisdeeds。ButhereisJupiter,gallantlyescortinghisloverAlcmene。
  SCENEIII
  JUPITER,ALCMENE,CLEANTHIS,MERCURY
  JUP。MydearAlcmene,forbidthetorch-bearerstocomenear。Theygivemedelightinenablingmetoseeyou;buttheymightbetraymybeinghere,andthiswerebestunrevealed。Restrainedbyalltheheavycareswithwhichthegloryofourarmsheldmebound,myhearthasstolenfromthedutiesofmypostthemomentsithasjustgiventoyourcharms。Thistheft,whichIhaveconsecratedtoyourbeauty,mightbeblamedbythepublicvoice;andtheonlywitnessIwant,isshewhocanthankmeforit。
  ALC。Itakegreatinterest,Amphitryon,intheglorywhichyourillustriousexploitshavecastuponyou;thefameofyourvictorymovesmyhearttoitsdepths。ButwhenIseethatthisdisastroushonourkeepsmyloverawayfromme,suchismyheart’sfeelingthatIcannotforbeartothinkillofit,andtoregretthehighorderwhichmakesyougeneraloftheThebans。Itissweetafteravictorytoseetheglorytowhichone’sloverhasbeenraised;but,fromamongtheperilsattachedtothisglory,adeadlyblow,alas!maysoonfall。Withhowmanyfearsisone’sheartwoundedatthereportoftheleastskirmish!Inthehorrorofsuchathought,isthereanythingthatcanconsoleforthethreatenedstroke?Andwithwhateverlaurelsthevictormaybecrowned,whatevershareonemayhaveinthatsupremehonour,isitworthwhatitcostsatenderheart,whichtrembleseverymomentforitslover?
  JUP。Idonotseeanythinginyoubutwhatinflamesmypassion;
  everythingshowsmeadeeplyenamouredheart;and,Iconfess,itisagreatdelighttofindsomuchloveinabelovedobject。But,ifI
  maydaresayso,onescrupleinthetendersentimentswhichyoushowmecausesmeanxiety;and,inordertoenjoyyouthemore,dearAlcmene,myheartwouldratherseeloveonly,andnotduty,inthefavourswhichIreceivefromyou;maytheyarisesolelyfromaffection,andhaverespecttomypersononly;letnotmyconditionasyourhusbandbethereasonforthem。
  ALC。Yetitisinthatnamethattheardourwhichburnsmeholdstherighttoshowitself:Idonotunderstandthisnewscruplewhichtroublesyourheart。
  JUP。TheloveandtendernesswhichIhaveforyoufarexceedsahusband’s;inthesesweetmoments,youdonotrealiseitsdelicacy;
  Youdonotunderstandthataheartdeeplyinlovestudiouslyattachesitselftoahundredlittletrifles,andisrestlessoverthemannerofbeinghappy。Inme,fairandcharmingAlcmene,youseealoverandahusband;but,tospeakfrankly,itistheloverthatappealstome;whennearyou,Ifeelthehusbandrestrainshim。Thislover,whoissupremelyjealousofyourlove,wishesyourhearttoabandonitselfsolelytohim:hispassiondoesnotwishanythingthehusbandgiveshim。Hewishestoobtainthewarmthofyourlovefromthefountain-head,andnottooweanythingtothebondsofwedlock,ortoadutywhichpallsandmakestheheartsad,forbythesethesweetnessofthemostcherishedfavoursisdailypoisoned。Thisidea,inshort,tosseshimtoandfro,andhewishes,inordertosatisfyhisscruples,thatyouwoulddifferentiatewheretheoccasionoffendshim,thehusbandtobeonlyforyourvirtue,andthelovertohavethewholeaffectionandtendernessofaheartknowntobefullofkindness。
  ALC。Intruth,Amphitryon,youmustbejesting,totalkthus;I
  shouldbeafraidanyonewhoheardyouwouldthinkyouwerenotsane。
  JUP。Thereismorereasoninthisdiscourse,Alcmene,thanyouthink。Butalongerstayherewouldrendermeguilty,andtimepressesformyreturntoport。Adieu。Thesterncallofdutytearsmeawayfromyouforatime;but,lovelyAlcmene,Ibeseechyouatleasttothinkoftheloverwhenyouseethehusband。
  ALC。IdonotseparatewhattheGodsunite:bothhusbandandloverareveryprecioustome。
  CLE。OHeaven!Howdelightfularethecaressesofanardentlycherishedhusband!Howfarmypoorhusbandisfromallthistenderness!
  MERC。ImusttellNightshehasbuttofurlallhersails;theSunmaynowarisefromhisbedandputoutthestars。
  SCENEIV
  CLEANTHIS,MERCURY(Mercuryturnstogoaway)
  CLE。So?Isitthusyouquitme?
  MERC。Whatwouldyouhave?Doyouwishmenottodomyduty,andfollowinAmphitryon’sfootsteps?
  CLE。Toseparatefrommesorudelyasthis,youvillain!
  MERC。Itisafinesubjecttomakeafussabout!Wehavestillplentyoftimetolivetogether!
  CLE。Buttogoinsuchachurlishmanner,withoutsayingasinglekindwordtocheerme!
  MERC。WherethedeuceshallIdigupsillycompliments?Fifteenyearsofmarriedlifeexhaustnonsense;wesaidallwehadtosaytoeachotheralongtimeago。
  CLE。LookatAmphitryon,yourascal;seehowhisardourburnsforAlcmene;andthenblushforthelittlepassionthatyoushowyourwife。
  MERC。But,graciousme!Cleanthis,theyarestilllovers。Therecomesacertainagewhenallthispassesaway;whatsuitsthemwellintheseearlydayswouldlookridiculousinus,oldmarriedpeople。
  Itwouldbeitfinesighttoseeusembracingeachother,andsayingsweetnothings!
  CLE。Oh!Youperfidiouswretch,mustIgiveuphopethataheartsighsforme?
  MERC。No,Ishouldbesorrytosaythat;butIhavetoolongabeardtodaretosigh;Ishouldmakeyoudieoflaughter。
  CLE。Youbrute,doyoudeservethegoodfortuneofhavingavirtuouswomanforyourwife?
  MERC。GoodHeavens!Youarebuttoovirtuous;thisfinevirtueisnotworthanythingtome。Donotbequitesohonestawoman,anddon’tbothermesomuch。
  CLE。What?Doyoublamemeforbeingtoohonest?
  MERC。Awoman’sgentlenessiswhatcharmsmemost:yourvirtuemakesaclatterthatneverceasestodeafenme。
  CLE。Youcareforheartsfulloffalsetenderness,forthosewomenwiththelaudableandfinetalentofknowinghowtosmothertheirhusbandswithcaressesinordertomakethemobliviousoftheexistenceoflovers。
  MERC。Well!ShallItellyouwhatIthink?Animaginaryevilconcernsfoolsonly;mydeviceshouldbe:’Lesshonourandmorepeace。’
  CLE。Wouldyou,withoutanyrepugnance,suffermeopenlytoloveagallant?
  MERC。Yes,ifIwerenolongerworriedbyyourtongue,andifitchangedyourtemperandyourgoings-on。Ipreferaconvenientvice,toafatiguingvirtue。Adieu,Cleanthis,mydearsoul;ImustfollowAmphitryon。(Hegoesaway。)
  CLEWhyhasnotmyheartsufficientresolutiontopunishthisinfamousscoundrel?Ah,howitmaddensme,now,thatIamanhonestwoman!
  ENDOFTHEFIRSTACT
  ACTIlSCENEI
  AMPHITRYON,SOSIE
  AMPH。Comehere,yourascal,comehere。Doyouknow,MasterVillain,thatyourtalkissufficienttocausemetoknockyoudown,andthatmywrathwaitsonlyforasticktothrashyouasIintend?
  SOS。Ifyoutakeitinthatway,Monsieur,Ihavenothingmoretosay;youwillbealwaysintheright。
  AMPH。So?Youscoundrel,youwishtoimposeuponmeastruthstaleswhichIknowtobeextravagantlyfar-fetched?
  SOS。No;Iamtheservant,andyouarethemaster;itshallnotbeotherwisethanyouwishit,Monsieur。
  AMPH。Come,Iwillchokedowntheangerthatinflamesme,andhearallyouhavetosayaboutyourmission。ImustunravelthisconfusionbeforeIseemywife。Collectyoursenses,thinkwelloverwhatyousay,andanswereachquestionwordforword。
  SOS。But,lestImakeamistake,tellme,Ibeseechyou,beforehand,inwhatwayitwouldpleaseyoutohavethisaffairhealed。ShallI
  speak,Monsieur,accordingtomyconscience,orasusualwhennearthegreat?ShallItellthetruthoruseacertaincomplaisance?
  AMPH。No;Ionlywishyoutogivemeaperfectlyunvarnishedaccount。
  SOS。Good。Thatisenough;leaveittome;youhave,buttointerrogateme。
  AMPH。UpontheorderwhichIlatelygaveyou……
  SOS。Isetforthunderskiesveiledinblackcrape,swearingbitterlyagainstyouforthiswretchedmartyrdom,andcursingtwentytimestheorderofwhichyouspeak。
  AMPH。Whatdoyoumean,youvillain?
  SOS。Youhaveonlytospeak,Monsieur,andIshalllie,ifyoudesireit。
  AMPH。Thatishowavaletshowshiszealforus。Nevermind。Whathappenedtoyouontheway?
  SOS。IhadamortalfrightattheleastthingImet。
  AMPH。Poltroon!
  SOS。Naturehashercapricesinformingus;shegivesusdifferinginclinations;somefindathousanddelightsinexposingthemselves;
  Ifindthemintakingcareofmyself。
  AMPH。Whenyouarrivedatthehouse……?
  SOS。WhenIreachedthedoor,Iwishedtorehearsetomyselfforashorttime,inwhattoneandinwhatmannerIshouldgiveagloriousaccountofthebattle。
  AMPH。Whatfollowed?
  SOS。Someonecametoannoyandtroubleme。
  AMPH。Whowashe?
  SOS。Sosie;anotherI,jealousofyourorders,whomyousenttoAlcmenefromtheport,andwhohasasfullknowledgeofoursecretsasIwhoamspeakingtoyou。
  AMPH。Whatnonsense!
  SOS。No,Monsieur,itisthesimpletruth:thisIwasatyourhousesoonerthanI;and,Isweartoyou,IwastherebeforeIhadarrived。
  AMPH。Pray,wheredoesallthiscursednonsensecomefrom?Isitadream?Isitdrunkenness?Mind-wandering?Orasorryjoke?
  SOS。No,itisthethingasitis,andbynomeansanidletale。I
  amamanofhonour,Igiveyoumyword,andyoumustpleasebelieveit。Itellyou,believingIwasbutoneSosie,Ifoundmyselftwoatyourhouse;andofthesetwoI’s,piquedwithjealousy,oneisatthehouse,andtheotheriswithyou;theIwhoishere,tiredout,foundtheotherIfresh,jollyandactive,havingnootheranxietythantofightandbreakbones。
  AMPH。IconfessImustbeofaveryplacidtemper,verypeaceable,verygentle,topermitavalettoentertainmewithsuchnonsense!
  SOS。Ifyoubecomeangry,nomoreconferencebetweenus:youknowallwillbeoveratonce。
  AMPH。No;Iwilllistentoyouwithoutbeingcarriedaway;I
  promisedit。Buttellmeingoodearnest,isthereanyshadowoflikelihoodinthisnewmysterywhichyouhavejusttoldme?
  SOS。No;youareright,themattermustappeartoeveryonepastcredit。Itisafactpastunderstanding,anextravagant,ridiculous,far-fetchedtale:itshockscommonsense;butitisnonethelessafact。
  AMPH。Howcananyonebelieveit,unlesshehastakenleaveofhissenses?
  SOS。Imyselfdidnotbelieveitwithoutextremedifficulty:I
  thoughtIwaslosingmysenseswhenIsawmyselftwo,and,foralongtime,Itreatedmyotherselfasanimpostor:buthecompelledmeintheendtorecognisemyself;IsawitwasI,withoutanytrickery;fromheadtofootheislikeme-handsome,anobleair,wellbuilt,charmingmanners;infact,twopeasdonotresembleeachothermore;wereitnotthathishandsarealittletooheavy,I
  shouldbeperfectlysatisfied。
  AMPH。Ihadneedexhortmyselftopatience!Butdidyounotintheendgointothehouse?
  SOS。Good,goin!Ah!Inwhatfashion?HaveIneverwishedtolistentoreason?DidInotforbidmyselftoenterourdoor?
  AMPH。Inwhatway?
  SOS。Withastick,mybackstillachesfromit。
  AMPH。Youhavebeenthrashed?
  SOS。Truly。
  AMPH。Andbywhom?
  SOS。Myself。
  AMPH。Youhavethrashedyourself?
  SOS。Yes,I;nottheIwhoishere,buttheIfromthehouse,whowhackssoundly。
  AMPH。Heavenconfoundyoufortalkingtomelikethis!
  SOS。Iamnotjoking;theIwhomIhavejustmethasgreatadvantagesovertheIwhospeakstoyou。Hehasastrongarmandgreatcourage;Ihavehadproofsofboth;thisdevilofanIhaslickedmesoundly;heisafellowwhocandowonders。
  AMPH。Letus,ceasethis。Haveyouseenmywife?
  SOS。No。
  AMPH。Whynot?
  SOS。Forasufficientlystrongreason。
  AMPH。Whohinderedyou,scoundrel?Explainyourself。
  SOS。MustIrepeatthesamethingtwentytimes?I,Itellyou,thisIwhoismorerobustthanI,thisIwhotookpossessionofthedoorbyforce,thisIwhomademeslopeoff,thisIwhowishestobetheonlyI,thisIwhoisjealousofmyself,thisvaliantI,whoseangermadeitselfknowntothispoltroonofanI,infact,thisIwhoisatourhouse,thisIwhohasshownhimselftobemymaster,thisI
  whohasrackedmewithpain。
  AMPH。Hisbrainmustbeaddledbyhavinghadtoomuchtodrinkthismorning。
  SOS。MayIbehangedifIhavehadanythingtodrinkbutwater:I
  takemyoathonit。
  AMPH。Thenyoursensesmusthavebeenfastasleep:somesillydreamhasshownyouallthesefairytalesandconfusedmysterieswhichyouwishmetotakefortruths。
  SOS。Thatisjustasfarawayfromthetruth。Ihavenotslept,andIdonotevenfeelinclinedthatway。Iamspeakingtoyouwide-
  awake;Iwaswideawakethismorning,uponmylife!AndtheotherSosiewasalsowide-awake,whenhedrubbedmesowell。
  AMPH。Followme;Iorderyoutobesilent。Youtiremybraintoomuch;Imustbeanout-and-outfooltohavethepatiencetolistentothenonsenseavalethastosay。
  SOS。Alltalkisnonsensethatcomesfromamanwhoisunknown。Ifagreatmanweretosayit,itwouldbeexquisitelanguage。
  AMPH。Letusgoinwithoutwaitinganylonger。ButherecomesAlcmeneclothedinallhercharms。Doubtlessshedoesnotexpectmesosoon,andmyarrivalwillsurpriseher。
  SCENEII
  ALCMENE,CLEANTHIS,AMPHITRYON,SOSIE
  ALC。Come,Cleanthis,letusattendtheGods,paythemourhomageformyhusband’ssake,andthankthemfortheglorioussuccess,ofwhichThebes,byhisarm,reapstheadvantage。OyeGods!
  AMPH。HeavengrantthatvictoriousAmphitryonmaybemetwithrenewedpleasurebyhiswife:thatthisdaymaybefavourabletomypassion,andrestoreyoutomewiththesameheart:mayIagainfindasmuchloveasmyheartbringstoyou!
  ALC。Ah!Haveyoureturnedsosoon。
  AMPH。Really,yougivemebutasorryproofofyourlove;this,’Ah!
  haveyoureturnedsosoon?’isscarcelythelanguageaheartreallyinflamedwithlovewoulduseonsuchanoccasionasthis。IdaredtoflattermyselfIhadremainedawayfromyoutoolong。Theexpectationofanardentlylongedforreturnmakeseachmomentseemofgreatlength;theabsenceofwhatwelove,howeverbriefitmaybe,isalwaystoolong。
  ALC。Idonotsee……
  AMPH。No,Alcmene,timeismeasuredinsuchcasesbyone’simpatience;youcountthemomentsofabsenceasonewhodoesnotlove。Whenwereallylove,theslightestseparationkillsus;theonewhomwelovetoseeneverreturnstoosoon。IconfessthattheloveIbearyouhascausetocomplainofyourreception;Iexpecteddifferentexpressionsofjoyandtendernessfromyourheart。
  ALC。Icannotunderstandonwhatyoufoundthewordsyouhavejustuttered;ifyoucomplainofme,uponmywordIdonotknowwhatwouldsatisfyyou。IthinkIshowedasufficientlytenderjoylastnight,atyourhappyreturn;myheartrespondedbyeverymeansyoucouldwishtotheclaimsofyouraffection。
  AMPH。Inwhatway?
  ALC。DidInotclearlyshowthesuddentransportsofaperfectjoy?
  Couldaheart’sfeelingsbebetterexpressedatthereturnofahusbandwhoistenderlyloved?
  AMPH。Whatdoyousay?
  ALC。Thatevenyouraffectionshowedaninconceivablejoyatmyreception;andthat,asyouleftmeatbreakofday,Idonotseethatmysurpriseatthissuddenreturnissoguilty。
  AMPH。Didyou,inadreamlastnight,Alcmene,anticipateinideatherealityofmyhastenedreturn;andhaving,perhaps,treatedmekindlyinyoursleep,doesyourheartthinkithasfullyacquitteditselfofitsdutytomypassion?
  ALC。Hassomemalignantvapourinyourmind,Amphitryon,cloudedthetruthoflastnight’sreturn?DoesyourheartpretendtotakeawayfrommethecreditofallthegentleaffectionIshowedyouinmytenderwelcome?
  AMPH。Thisvapouryouattributetomeseemstomesomewhatstrange。
  ALC。Itisinreturnforthedreamwhichyouattributetome。
  AMPH。Unlessitisbecauseofadream,whatyouhavejustnowtoldmeisentirelyinexcusable。
  ALC。Unlessitisavapourwhichtroublesyourmind,whatIhaveheardfromyoucannotbejustified。
  AMPH。Letusleavethisvapourforamoment,Alcmene。
  ALC。Letusleavethisdreamforamoment,Amphitryon。
  AMPH。Onecannotjestonthesubjectinquestionwithoutbeingcarriedtoofar。
  ALC。Undoubtedly;and,asasureproofofit,Ibegintofeelsomewhatuneasy。
  AMPH。IsitthusyouwishtotrytomakeamendsforthewelcomeofwhichIcomplain?
  ALC。Doyoudesiretotrytoamuseyourselfbythisfeint?
  AMPH。ForHeaven’s,sake,Ibeseechyou,Alcmene!Letusceasethis,andtalkseriously。
  ALC。Youcarryyouramusementtoofar,Amphitryon:lettherebeanendtothisraillery。
  AMPH。DoyoureallydaremaintaintomyfacethatIwasseenherebeforethishour?
  ALC。Haveyoureallytheassurancetodenythatyoucamehereearlyyesterdayevening?
  AMPH。I!Icameyesterday?
  ALC。Certainly;andyouwentawayagainbeforedawn。
  AMPH。Heavens!Waseversuchadebateasthisheardbefore?Whowouldnotbeastonishedatallthis?Sosie?
  SOS。Sheneedssixgrainsofhellebore,Monsieur;herbrainisturned。
  AMPH。Alcmene,inthenameofalltheGods,thisdiscoursewillhaveastrangeending!Recollectyoursensesalittlebetter,andthinkwhatyousay。
  ALC。Iamindeedthinkingseriously;allinthehousesawyourarrival。Iamignorantwhatmotivemakesyouactthus;but,ifthethingwereinneedofproof,ifitweretruethatsuchathingcouldbeforgotten,fromwhom,butfromyou,couldIhaveheardthenewsofthelatestofallyourbattles,andofthefivediamondswornbyPterelas,whowasplungedintoeternalnightbythestrengthofyourarm?Couldonewishforsurertestimony?
  AMPH。What?IhavealreadygivenyoutheclusterofdiamondswhichI
  hadformyshare,andintendedforyou?
  ALC。Assuredly。Itisnotdifficulttoconvinceyouthoroughlyonthatpoint。