AMPH。How?
  ALC。Hereitis。
  AMPH。Sosie!
  SOS。Sheisjesting:Ihaveithere;Monsieur,thefeintisuseless。
  AMPH。Thesealiswhole。
  ALC。Isitavision?There。Willyouthinkthisproofstrongenough?
  AMPH。AhHeaven!OjustHeaven!
  ALC。Come,Amphitryon,youarejokinginactingthus:yououghttobeashamedofit。
  AMPH。Breakthisseal,quickly。
  SOS。(Havingopenedthecasket。)Uponmyword,thecasketisempty。
  Itmusthavebeentakenoutbywitchcraft,orelseitcamebyitselfaguide,toherwhomitknewitwasintendedtoadorn。
  AMPH。OGods,whosepowergovernsallthings,whatisthisadventure?WhatcanIaugurfromitthatdoesnotclutchatmyheart?
  SOS。Ifshespeaksthetruth,wehavethesamelot,and,likeme,Monsieur,youaredouble。
  AMPH。Besilent。
  ALC。Whyareyousosurprised?Whatcausesallthisconfusion?
  AMPH。OHeaven!Whatstrangeperplexity!IseeincidentswhichsurpassNature,andmyhonourfearsanadventurewhichmyminddoesnotunderstand。
  ALC。Doyoustillwishtodenyyourhastyreturn,whenyouhavethissensibleproofofit?
  AMPH。No;butifitbepossible,deigntotellmewhatpassedatthisreturn。
  ALC。Sinceyouaskanaccountofthematter,youstillsayitwasnotyou?
  AMPH。Pardonme;butIhaveacertainreasonwhichmakesmeaskyoutogiveusthisaccount。
  ALC。Havetheimportantcareswhichperhapsengrossyoumadeyousoquicklylosetheremembranceofit?
  AMPH。Perhaps;but,inshort,youwouldpleasemebytellingmethewholestory。
  ALC。Thestoryisnotlong。Iadvancedtowardsyoufullofadelightedsurprise;Iembracedyoutenderly,andshowedmyjoymorethanonce。
  AMPH。(tohimself。)Ah!Icouldhavedonewithoutsosweetawelcome。
  ALC。Youfirstmademethisvaluablegift,whichyoudestinedformefromthespoilsoftheconquered。Yourheartvehementlyunfoldedtomealltheviolenceofitslove,andtheannoyingdutieswhichhadkeptitenchained,thehappinessofseeingmeagain,thetormentsofabsence,allthecarewhichyourimpatiencetoreturnhadgivenyou;
  neverhasyourlove,onsimilaroccasions,seemedtomesotenderandsopassionate。
  AMPH。(tohimself。)Canonebemorecruellytortured?
  ALC。Asyoumaywellbelieve,thesetransportsandthistendernessdidnotdispleaseme;ifImustconfessit,Amphitryon,myheartfoundathousandcharmsinthem。
  AMPH。Whatfollowed,pray?
  ALC。Weinterruptedeachotherwithathousandquestionsconcerningeachother。Thetablewaslaid。Wesuppedtogetherbyourselves;
  and,supperover,wewenttobed。
  AMPH。Together?
  ALC。Assuredly。Whataquestion?
  AMPH。Ah;thisisthemostcruelstrokeofall;myjealouspassiontrembledtoassureitselfofthis。
  ALC。Whydoyoublushsodeeplyataword?HaveIdonesomethingwrongingoingtobedwithyou?
  AMPH。No,tomygreatmisery,itwasnotI;whoeversaysIwashereyesterday,tells,ofallfalsehoods,themosthorrible。
  ALC。Amphitryon!
  AMPH。Perfidiouswoman!
  ALC。Ah!Whatmadnessisthis!
  AMPH。No,no;nomoresweetness,nomorerespect;thisrebuffputsanendtoallmyconstancy;atthisghastlymoment,myheartbreathesonlyfuryand,vengeance。
  ALC。Onwhomthenwouldyoubeavenged?Whatwantoffaithinmemakesyoutreatmenowasacriminal?
  AMPH。Idonotknow,butitwasnotI;thisdespairmakesmecapableofanything。
  ALC。Awayunworthyhusband,thedeedspeaksforitself,theimpostureisfrightful。Itistoogreataninsulttoaccusemeofinfidelity。Iftheseconfusedtransportsmeanthatyouseekapretexttobreakthenuptialbondswhichholdmeenchainedtoyou,allthesepretencesaresuperfluous,forIamdeterminedthatthisdayallourtiesshallbebroken。
  AMPH。Aftertheunworthyaffront,whichInowlearnhasbeendoneme,thatisindeedwhatyoumustprepareyourselffor;itistheleastthatcanbeexpected;andthingsmaynotperhapsremainthere。
  Thedishonourissure;mymiseryismadeplaintome;andmyprideinvainwouldhideitfromme。Thedetailsarestillnotclear:MyangerisjustandIclaimtobeenlightened。YourbrothercanpositivelyavouchthatIdidnotleavehimuntilthismorning:I
  willgoandseekhim,inorderthatImayconfoundyouaboutthereturnfalselyimputedtome。Afterwards,wewillpenetratetothebottomofamysteryunheardofuntilnow;and,inthefuryofarighteousanger,woetohimwhohasbetrayedme!
  SOS。Monsieur……
  AMPH。Donotaccompanyme,butremainhereforme。
  CLE。MustI……?
  ALC。Icannothearanything:leavemealone:donotfollowme。
  SCENEIII
  CLEANTHIS,SOSIE
  CLE。Somethingmusthaveturnedhisbrain;butthebrotherwillsoonfinishthisquarrel。
  SOS。Thisisaverysharpblowformymaster;hisfateiscruel。I
  greatlyfearsomethingcomingformyself。Iwillgosoftlyinenlighteningher。
  CLE。Letmeseewhetherhewillsomuchasspeaktome!Iwillnotrevealanything。
  SOS。Thesethingsareoftenannoyingwhenoneknowsaboutthem:I
  hesitatetoaskher。Woulditnotbebetternottoriskanything,andtoignorewhatmayhavehappened?Yet,atallhazard,Imustsee。Icannothelpmyself。Curiosityconcerningthingswhichonewouldrathernotknowisahumanweakness。Heavenpreserveyou,Cleanthis!
  CLE。Ah!Ah!Youdaretocomenearme,youvillain!
  SOS。GoodHeavens!Whatisthematterwithyou?Youarealwaysinatemper,andbecomeangryaboutnothing!
  CLE。Whatdoyoucallaboutnothing?Speakout。
  SOS。Icallaboutnothingwhatiscalledaboutnothinginverseaswellasinprose;andnothing,asyouwellknow,meanstosaynothing,orverylittle。
  CLE。Idonotknowwhatkeepsmefromscratchingyoureyesout,infamousrascal,toteachyouhowfartheangerofawomancango。
  SOS。Hullo!Whatdoyoumeanbythisfuriousrage?
  CLE。Thenyoucallthatnothing,perhaps,whichyouhavedonetome?
  SOS。Whatwasthat?
  CLE。So?Youfeigntobeinnocent?Doyoufollowtheexampleofyourmasterandsayyoudidnotreturnhere?
  SOS。No,Iknowthecontrarytoowell;butIwillbefrankwithyou。
  Wehaddrunksomewretchedwine,whichmighthavemademeforgetwhatIdid。
  CLE。Youthink,perhaps,toexcuseyourselfbythistrick,……
  SOS。No,intruthyoumaybelieveme。IwasinsuchaconditionthatImayhavedonethingsIshouldregret;Idonotrememberwhattheywere。
  CLE。Youdonotevenrememberthemannerinwhichyouthoughtfittotreatmewhenyoucamefromtheport?
  SOS。Notatall。Youhadbettertellmeallaboutit;Iamjustandsincere,andwouldcondemnmyselfwereIwrong。
  CLE。Well?Amphitryonhavingwarnedmeofyourreturn,Isatupuntilyoucame;butIneversawsuchcoldness:Ihadmyselftoremindyouthatyouhadawife;and,whenIwantedtokissyou,you,turnedawayyourhead,andgavemeyourear。
  SOS。Good。
  CLE。Whatdoyoumeanbygood?
  SOS。Goodgracious!YoudonotknowwhyItalklikethis,Cleanthis:
  Ihadbeeneatinggarlic,and,likeawell-bredman,justturnedmybreathawayfromyou。
  CLE。Ishowedyoueverypossibletenderness;butyouwereasdeafasaposttoeverythingIsaid;neverakindwordpassedyourlips。
  SOS。Courage!
  CLE。Inshort,myflamebadtoburnalone,itschasteardourdidnotfindanythinginyoubutice;youweretheculpritinareturnthatmighthavebeensodifferent:youevenwentsofarastorefusetotakeyourplaceinbed,whichthelawsofwedlockobligeyoutooccupy。
  SOS。What?DidInotgotobed?
  CLE。No,youcoward。
  SOS。Isitpossible?
  CLE。Itisbuttootrue,yourascal。Ofallaffrontsthisaffrontisthegreatest;and,insteadofyourheartrepairingitswrongthismorning,youleftmewithwordsfullofundisguisedcontempt。
  SOS。VivatSosie!
  CLE。Eh,what?Hasmycomplainthadthiseffect?Youlaughatyourfinegoingson?
  SOS。HowpleasedIamwithmyself!
  CLE。Isthisthewaytoexpressyourgriefatsuchanoutrage?
  SOS。IshouldneverhavebelievedIcouldbesoprudent。
  CLE。Insteadofcondemningyourselfforsuchaperfidioustrick,yourejoiceatittomyface!
  SOS。Goodgracious!Gently,gently!IfIappearpleased,youmustbelievethatIhaveaverystrongprivatereasonforit;withoutthinkingofit,IneverdidbetterthaninusingyouinsuchamannerasIdid。
  CLE。Areyoulaughingatme,youvillain?
  SOS。No,Iamspeakingopenlytoyou。Iwasinawretchedstate。I
  hadacertainload,whichyourwordshaveliftedfrommysoul。Iwasveryapprehensive,andfearedthatIhadplayedthefoolwithyou。
  CLE。Whatisthisfear?Come,letusknowwhatyoumean。
  SOS。Thedoctorssaythat,whenoneisdrunk,oneshouldabstainfromone’swife,for,inthatconditionwecanonlyhavechildrenwhoaredull,andwhocannotlive。Think,ifmyhearthadnotarmeditselfwithcoldness,whattroublesmighthavefollowed!
  CLE。Idonotcareafigfordoctors,withtheirinsipidreasonings。
  Letthemrulethosewhoaresickwithoutwishingtogovernhealthypeople。Theymeddlewithtoomanyaffairswhentheyseektoreininourchastedesires;inadditiontothedogdays,andtheirstrictrules,theytellusahundredridiculousstoriesintothebargain。
  SOS。Gently。
  CLE。No;Imaintaintheirsisaworthlessconclusion:thosereasonscomefromidioticbrains。Neitherwinenortimeoughttopreventthedutiesofconjugallovefrombeingfulfilled;doctorsaredonkeys。
  SOS。Ientreatyou,moderateyourangeragainstthem;theyarehonestpeople,whatevertheworldmaysayofthem。
  CLE。Thingsarenotwhatyouthinkthem;youcanshutup;yourexcusewillnotgodown;and,soonerorlater,Itellyouplainly,I
  willavengemyselfforthecontemptyoushowmeeveryday。I
  remembereverythingyousaidjustnow,andIshalltrytomakeuseofthelibertyyougaveme,Youfaithless,cowardlyhusband。
  SOS。What?
  CLE。Youtoldmejustnow,youvillain,thatyouwouldheartilyagreetomylovinganother。
  SOS。Ah!InthatmatterIwaswrong。Iretract;myhonourisatstake。Youhadbetterbewareyoudonotgivewaytothatsentiment。
  CLE。NeverthelessifsometimeIcanmakeupmymindtothething……
  SOS。Juststoptalkingforthepresent。Amphitryoniscomingback,andheseemspleased。
  SCENEIV
  JUPITER,CLEANTHIS,SOSIE
  JUP。IshalltakethisopportunityofappearingtoAlcmenetobanishthesorrowinwhichshewishestoindulge,and,underthepretencethatbringsmehere,Iwillgratifymypassionwiththedelightofareconciliationwithher。Alcmeneisupstairs,isshenot?
  CLE。Yes;sheisthoroughlyupsetandwishestobeleftalone:shehasforbiddenmetofollowher。
  JUP。Whateverprohibitionshemayhavegivenyoudoesnotconcernme。
  CLE。SofarasIcansee,hisgriefhasbeatenaquickretreat。
  SCENEV
  CLEANTHIS,SOSIE
  SOS。Whatdoyousay,Cleanthis,tothesecheerfullooks,afterhisterriblerage?
  CLE。Thatweshouldalldowelltosendallmentothedevil;thebestofthemisnotworthmuch。
  SOS。Yousaythatbecauseyouareinapassion;butyouaretoofondofmen;uponmyword,youwouldalllookasblackasthunderifthedevilweretotakethemallaway。
  CLE。Really……
  SOS。Heretheycome。Hush。
  SCENEVI
  JUPITER,ALCMENE,CLEANTHIS,SOSIE
  JUP。Doyouwanttodrivemetodespair?Alas!Stay,lovelyAlcmene。
  ALC。No,Icannotremainlongerwiththeauthorofmygrief。
  JUP。IbeseechyouALC。Leaveme。
  JUP。What……?
  ALC。Leaveme,Itellyou。
  JUP。Hertearstouchmetotheheart;hersorrowtroublesme。AllowmetoALC。No,donotfollowme,JUP。Whereareyougoing?
  ALC。Whereyouarenot。
  JUP。Thatwouldbeavainattempttomake。Iamlinkedtoyourbeautybytoocloseabondtosufferamoment’sseparationfromyou。
  Ishallfollowyoueverywhere,Alcmene。
  ALC。AndIshallfleefromyoueverywhere。
  JUP。Iamveryterrible,then!
  ALC。Yes,morethanIcansay。Indeed,Ilookuponyouasafrightfulmonster,acruel,furiousmonster,whoseapproachistobefeared;asamonstertobeavoidedeverywhere。Myheartsuffersincrediblegriefatthesightofyou;itisatorturethatoverpowersme;IdonotknowanythingunderHeavensofrightful,horribleandodious,thatIcouldnotbetterendurethanyou。
  JUP。Alas!Dothesewordsreallycomefromyourmouth?
  ALC。Ihavemanymoreinmyheart;IonlyregretIcannotfindwordstoexpressallIfeel。
  JUP。Ah!Whathasmyheartdonetoyou,Alcmene,thatIshouldbelookeduponassuchamonster?
  ALC。Oh!JustHeaven!Hecanaskthat?Isitnotenoughtodrivememad?
  JUP。Yet,inamilderspirit……
  ALC。No;Idonotwisheithertoseeortohearanythingofyou。
  JUP。Haveyoureallythehearttotreatmethus?IsthisthetenderlovewhichIheardyesterdaywastolastsolong?
  ALC。No,no,itisnot;yourbaseinsultshaveordaineditotherwise。Thatpassionateandtenderlovedoesnotexistanylonger;youhavecruellykilleditinmyheartbyahundredkeenwounds。Initsplacestandsaninflexiblewrath,alivelyresentment,aninvincibleindignation,thedespairofaheartjustlyincensed,whichresolvestohateyouforthisgrievousinjury,asmuchasitwaswillingtoloveyou;thatistosaytohateasmuchaspossible。
  JUP。Alas!Yourlovemusthavehadbutlittlestrength,ifitcanbekilledbysoslightamatter!Canajestdivorceus?Isthereanyneedtobesorousedatatrifle?
  ALC。Ah!Itisjustthatwhichoffendsme:thatwhichmyangercannotpardon。Ishouldhavefeltlesswoundedbythejustifiabletransportsofafitofjealousy。Jealousymakesimpressionstheforceofwhichoftentimescarriesusbeyondourcontrol;atsuchtimesthemostdiscreetmind,nodoubt,findsitdifficultenoughtoanswerforitsdeeds。Theviolenceofaheartwhichmayhavebeendeludedhas,initsverydelusion,apeace-offeringforanaggrievedsoul,andthelovethatgavebirthtoitsfears,furnishes,inspiteofallitsviolence,atleastsomereasonstourgeasexcuse。
  Outburstssuchastheseeverhaveloveasanexcuseagainstanger:
  forlovegavebirthtothem,andwecaneasilypardonwhatwecannotcontrol。
  Buttoflyintouncontrollablefury,ingaietyofheart,andsocauselesslyandkeenlytowoundthetendernessandhonourofaheartthatdearlylovesyou,ah!Itistoocruelablow:mygriefcanneverforgetit。
  JUP。Yes,youareright,Alcmene;Iadmitit。Thisactionisunquestionablyanodiouscrime;Idonotpretendtojustifyitlonger:yetallowmyhearttodefenditselfinyoureyes,andletitrevealtoyouwhoistoblameforthisinsultingfury。Totellyoufrankly,itisthehusbandAlcmene,whohasdonethiswrong;itisthehusbandwhomyoumustblame。Theloverhasnoshareinthischurlishanger:hisheartisnotcapableofoffendingyou。Hehastoomuchrespectandaffectionforyouevertothinkofit;hadhebeenguiltyofthecrimeofdoingaughtthatcouldwoundyou,hewouldpiercehimselfwithahundredstabsbeforeyoureyes。Butthehusbandhascastasidethathumblesubmissionwhichshouldalwaysbeyours;byhisharshdeeds,thehusbandhasmadehimselfknown;hethoughttherightsofmarriageallowedhimeverything。Yes,itishenodoubtwhoisguiltytowardsyou;heonlyhasill-treatedyourlovelyperson。Hate,detestthehusband;Iconsenttoit;Iyieldhimtoyourmercy;but,Alcmene,sparetheloverfromtheangerwhichsuchanoffencegivesyou;donotlethimsuffer;
  differentiatebetweenhimandtheguiltyone;and,finally,inordertobejust,donotpunishhimforwhathehasnotdone。
  ALC。Oh!Allthesesubtletiesarebutfrivolousexcuses;suchlanguageonlyannoysincensedminds。Invaindoyouusetheseridiculousprevarications。Idonotmakeanydistinctioninhimwhooffendsme;everythinginhimbecomestheobjectofmyanger,theloverandthehusbandarealikeconfoundedinitsjustviolence。
  Bothoccupymythoughts;botharepaintedinthesamecoloursbymywoundedheart。Bothareguilty;bothhaveoffendedme;andbothareodioustome。
  JUP。Well!Then,sinceyouwishit,Imustchargemyselfwiththeoffence。Yes,youareright,whenyousacrificemeasaguiltyvictimtoyourresentment。Angertowardsmeswaysyou;itisbuttoojust,andalltheterriblewrathyoushowcausesmetosufferonlylawfultorments。Itisrightyoushouldshunmypresence,andinyourangerthreatentofleefrommeeverywhere。Imustbeadetestableobjecttoyou;youarerightinthinkingillofme。Mycrimeinbeingoffensiveinyourcharmingeyessurpasseseveryhorror;itisacrimethatoffendsmenandGods;inshort,aspunishmentformyinsolenceIdeservethatyourhatredshouldventitsutmostuponme。Ibegyourforgiveness,Ibegituponmyknees,Ibegitforthesakeofthemostlivelypassion,ofthetenderestloveforyou,whichhaseverbeenkindledinahumanbreast。If,charmingAlcmene,yourheartrefusesmethepardonwhichIhavetheaudacitytoseek,thenshallawell-aimedstrokeputanendtomylife,andreleasemefromtheharshseverityofapenaltywhichI
  cannolongerbear。Yes,thisstateofthingsdrivesmetodespair。
  Donotthink,Alcmene,that,enamouredasIamofyourcelestialcharms,Icanliveadayunderyourwrath。Eventhesemoments’agonyisbarbarouslyprolongedandmysadheartsinksundertheirmortalblows。Thecruelwoundsofathousandvulturesarenotcomparableinanywaytomylivelygrief。Alcmene,youhavebuttotellmeIneednothopeforpardon:andimmediatelythissword,byahappythrust,shallpiercetheheartofamiserablewretchbeforeyoureyes。Thisheart,thistraitorousheart,toodeservingofdeath,sinceithasoffendedanadorablebeing,willbehappyif,indescendingintotheplaceofshades,mydeathappeasesyouranger,and,afterthiswretchedday,itleavesinyoursoulnoimpressionofhatredinrememberingmylove!ThisisallIaskasasovereignfavour。
  ALC。Ah!Cruelhusband。
  JUP。Speak,Alcmene,speak。
  ALC。MustIstillkeepsomekindnessforyou,whoinsultmebysomanyindignities?
  JUP。Whateverresentmentanoutragecausesus,canitholdoutagainsttheremorseofaheartdeeplyinlove?
  ALC。Aheartfullofpassionwouldratherexposeitselftoathousanddeaths,thanoffendtheobjectbeloved。
  JUP。Themoreoneloves,theeasieritisALC。No,donotspeaktomeanylongeraboutit;youdeservemyhatred。
  JUP。Youhatemethen?
  ALC。Imakeeveryefforttodoso,anditannoysmetofeelthatallyourinsultsdonotyetcarrymyvengeancesofarasyieldtoit。
  JUP。Butwhythisviolence,sinceIoffertokillmyselftosatisfyyourrevenge?PronouncethesentenceandimmediatelyIwillobey。
  ALC。Itisimpossibletowishforanother’sdeathifhatredbeabsent。
  JUP。Icannotliveunlessyouabandonthewraththatoverwhelmsme,andunlessyougrantmethefavourofapardonwhichIbegatyourfeet。Decidetodooneortheotherquickly:topunish,ortoabsolve。
  ALC。Alas!TheonlyresolutionIcantakeisbuttooclearlyapparent。Myhearthastooplainlybetrayedme,formetowishtomaintainthisanger:isitnottosaywepardon,whenwesaywecannothate?
  JUP。Ah,charmingAlcmene,overwhelmedwithdelightImust……
  ALC。Forbear:Ihatemyselfforsuchweakness。
  JUP。Go,Sosie,makehaste;asweetjoyfillsmysoul。Seewhatofficersofthearmyyoucanfind,andaskthemtodinewithme。
  (Softlyaside。)Mercurycanfillhispost,whileheisawayfromhere。
  SCENEVII
  CLEANTHIS,SOSIE
  SOS。Come!Now,yousee,thiscouple,Cleanthis。Willyoufollowtheirexample,andletusalsomakepeace?Indulgeinsomeslightreconciliation?
  CLE。Forthesakeofyourlovelymug,Ohyes!Iwill,andnomistake。
  SOS。What?Youwillnot?
  CLE。No。
  SOS。Itdoesn’tmattertome。Somuchtheworseforyou。
  CLE。Well,well,comeback。
  SOS。No,not,likely!Ishallnotdoanythingofthekind,Ishallbeangry。Iturnnow。
  CLE。Goaway,youvillain,letmealone;onegetstirednowandthenofbeinganhonestwoman。
  ENDOFTHESECONDACT
  ACTIII
  SCENEI
  AMPHITRYON
  Yes,sodoubtfatehideshimpurposelyfromme;atlastamItiredoftryingtofindhim。Idonotknowanythingthatcanbemorecruelthanmylot。Inspiteofallmyendeavours,IcannotfindhimwhomI
  seek;allthoseIdonotseekIfind。Athousandtiresomebores,whodonotthinktheyareso,drivememadwiththeircongratulationsonourfeatsofarms,althoughtheyknowlittleofme。Inthecruelembarrassmentandanxietythattroublesme,theyallburdenmewiththeirattentions,andtheirrejoicingsmakemyuneasinessworse。InvainItrytopassthemby,tofleefromtheirpersecutions;theirkillingfriendshipstopsmeonallsides;whilstIreplytotheardouroftheirexpressionsbyanodofthehead,Imutterundermybreathahundredcursesonthem。Ah!Howlittleweareflatteredbypraise,honourandallthatagreatvictorybrings,wheninwardlywesufferkeensorrow!HowwillinglywouldIexchangeallthisglorytohavepeaceofmind!Ateveryturnmyjealousytwitsmewithmydisgrace;themoremymindpondersoverit,thelesscanIunravelitsmiserableconfusion。Thetheftofthediamondsdoesnotastonishme;sealsmaybetamperedwithunperceived;butmymostcrueltormentisthatsheinsistsIgavethegifttoherpersonallyyesterday。Natureoftentimesproducesresemblances,whichsomeimpostorshaveadoptedinordertodeceive;butitisinconceivablethat,undertheseappearances,amanshouldpasshimselfoffasahusband;thereareathousanddifferencesinarelationshipsuchasthiswhichawifecouldeasilydetect。ThemarvellouseffectsofThessalianmagichaveatalltimesbeenrenowned;butIhavealwayslookeduponasidletalesthefamousstorieseveryonetalksof。ItwouldbeahardfateifI,aftersogloriousavictoryelsewhere,shouldbecompelledtobelievethematthecostofmyownhonour。I
  willquestionheragainuponthiswretchedmystery,andseeifitisnotasillyfancythathastakenadvantageofherdisorderedbrain。
  OrighteousHeaven,maythisthoughtbetrue,andmaysheevenhavelosthersenses,sothatImaybehappy!
  SCENEII
  MERCURY,AMPHITRYON
  MERC。Sincelovedoesnotoffermeanypleasurehere,Iwillatleastenjoymyselfinanotherway,andenlivenmydismalleisurebyputtingAmphitronoutofallpatience。ThismaynotbeverycharitableinaGod;butIshallnotbothermyselfaboutthat;myplanettellsmeIamsomewhatgiventomalice。
  AMPH。Howisitthatthedoorisclosedatthishour?
  MERC。Hullo!Gently,gently!Whoknocks?
  AMPH。I。
  MERC。Who,I?
  AMPH。Ah!Open。
  MERC。Whatdoyoumeanby’open’?Whoareyou,pray,tomakesucharow,andspeaklikethat?
  AMPH。So?Youdonotknowme?
  MERC。No,norhaveItheleastwishto。
  AMPH。Iseveryonelosinghissensestoday?Isthemaladyspreading?
  Sosie!Hullo,Sosie!
  MERC。Come,now!Sosie:thatismyname;areyouafraidIshallforgetit?
  AMPH。Doyouseeme?
  MERC。Wellenough。Whatcanpossessyourarmtomakesuchanuproar?
  Whatdoyouwantdownthere?
  AMPH。I,yougallows-bird!WhatdoIwant?
  MERC。Whatdoyounotwantthen?Speak,ifyouwanttobeunderstood。
  AMPH。Listen,youvillain:Iwillcomeupwithasticktomakeyouunderstand,andgiveyouafinelesson。Howdareyouspeaktomelikethat?
  MERC。Softly,softly!Ifyoumaketheleastattempttocreateanuproar,Ishallsendyoudownsomemessengerswhowillannoyyou。
  AMPH。OhHeavens!Didanyoneeverconceivesuchinsolence?Andfromaservant,fromabeggar?
  MERC。Come,now!Whatisthematter?Haveyougoneovereverythingcorrectly?Haveyourbigeyestakeneverythingin?Heglares,sosavagehelooks!Iflookscouldbite,hewouldhavetornmetoshredsbynow。
  AMPH。Itrembleatwhatyouarebringinguponyourselfwithallthisimpudenttalk。Whatafrightfulstormyouarebrewingforyourself!
  Whatatempestofblowswillstormdownonyourback!
  MERC。Ifyoudonotsoondisappearfromhere,myfriend,youmaycomeinforsomemauling。
  AMPH。Ah!Youvillain,youshallknowtoyourconfusionwhatitisforavalettoattackhismaster。
  MERC。You,mymaster?
  AMPH。Yes,rascal。Doyoudaretosayyoudonotrecogniseme?
  MERC。IdonotrecogniseanyothermasterthanAmphitryon。
  AMPH。Andwho,besidesmyself,maythisAmphitryonbe?
  MERC。Amphitryon?
  AMPH。Certainly。
  MERC。Ah!Whatanillusion!Come,tellmeinwhatdecenttavernyouhaveaddledyourbrain?
  AMPH。What?Again?
  MERC。Wasitafeast-daywine?
  AMPH。Heavens!
  MERC。Wasitoldornew?
  AMPH。Whatinsults!
  MERC。Newgoestoone’shead,ifdrunkwithoutwater。
  AMPH。Ah!Ishalltearyourtongueoutsoon。
  MERC。Passon,mydearfriend;believeme,nooneherewilllistentoyou。Irespectwine。Goaway,makeyourselfscarce,andleaveAmphitryontothepleasureswhichheistasting。
  AMPH。What!IsAmphitryoninthere?
  MERC。Rather:coveredwiththelaurelsofhisfinevictory,heissidebysidewiththelovelyAlcmeneenjoyingthedelightsofacharmingtete-a-tete。Theyaretastingthepleasuresofbeingreconciled,nowtheirlove-tiffhasblownover。Takecarehowyoudisturbtheirsweetprivacy,unlessyouwishhimtopunishyouforyourexcessiverashness。
  SCENEIII
  AMPHITRYON
  Ah!Whatafrightfulblowhehasgivenme!Howcruellyhasheputmetoconfusion!Ifmattersareasthisvillainsays,towhatastatearemyhonourandmyaffectionreduced?WhatcoursecanIadopt?AmItonoiseitabroadorkeepitsecret?OughtI,inmyanger,tokeepthedishonourofmyhousetomyselformakeitpublic?Come!
  Mustoneeventhinkwhattodoinsogrossanaffront?Ihavenostanding,nothingtohopefor;allmyanxietynowshallbehowtoavengemyself。
  SCENEIV
  SOSIE,NAUCRATES,POLIDAS,AMPHITRYON
  SOS。AllIhavebeenabletodo,Monsieur,withallmydiligence,istohavebroughtthesegentlemenhere。
  AMPH。Ah!Youarehere?
  SOS。Monsieur。
  AMPH。Insolent,boldrascal!
  SOS。What?
  AMPH。Ishallteachyoutotreatmethus。
  SOS。Whatisit?Whatisthematterwithyou?
  AMPH。Whatisthematterwithme,villain?
  SOS。Hullo,gentlemen,comeherequickly。
  NAU。Ah!Stay,Ibeseechyou。
  SOS。OfwhatamIguilty?
  AMPH。Youaskmethat,youscoundrel?Letmesatisfymyrighteousanger。
  SOS。Whentheyhanganyone,theytellhimwhytheydoit。
  NAU。Atleastcondescendtotelluswhathiscrimemaybe。
  SOS。Ibeseechyou,gentlemen,keepatightholdofme。
  AMPH。Yes!Hehasjusthadtheaudacitytoshutthedoorinmyface,andtoaddthreatstoathousandimpudentjeers!Ah!Youvillain!
  SOS。Iamdead。
  NAU。Restrainthisanger。
  SOS。Gentlemen。
  POL。Whatisit?
  SOS。Hashestruckme?
  AMPH。No,hemusthavehisrewardforthelanguagehehasmadefreetousejustnow。
  SOS。HowcouldthatbewhenIwaselsewherebusycarryingoutyourorders?ThesegentlemenherecanbearwitnessthatIhavejustinvitedthemtodinewithyou。
  NAU。Thatistrue:hehasjustdeliveredusthismessage,andwouldnotquitus。
  AMPH。Whogaveyouthatorder?
  SOS。You。
  AMPH。When?
  SOS。Afteryoumadeyourpeace,whenyouwererejoicingatthedelightofhavingappeasedAlcmene’sanger。
  AMPH。OHeaven!Everyinstant,everystep,addssomethingtomycruelmartyrdom;IamsoutterlyconfusedthatInolongerknoweitherwhattobelieveorwhattosay。
  NAU。Allhehasjusttoldus,ofwhathashappenedatyourhouse,surpasseswhatisnaturalsomuch,thatbeforedoinganythingandbeforeflyingintosuchapassion,yououghttoclearupthewholeofthisadventure。
  AMPH。Come;youcansecondmyefforts;Heavenhasbroughtyouheremostopportunely。Letmeseewhatfortunebringsmetoday;letmesolvethismystery,andknowmyfate。Alas!Iburntolearnit,andIdreaditmorethandeath。
  SCENEV
  JUPITER,AMPHITRYON,NAUCRATES,POLIDAS,SOSIE
  JUP。Whatisthisnoisethatcompelsmetocomedown?WhoknocksasthoughheweremasterwhereIammaster?
  AMPH。GoodGods!WhatdoIsee?
  NAU。Heaven!Whatprodigyisthis?What?HerearetwoAmphitryons!
  AMPH。Mysoulisstruckdumb。Alas!Icannotdoanythingmore:theadventureisatanend;myfateisclear;whatIseetellsmeall。
  NAU。ThemorenarrowlyIwatchthem,themoreIfindtheyresembleeachother。
  SOS。Gentlemen,thisisthetrueone;theotherisanimpostorwhooughttobechastised。
  POL。Truly,thismarvellousresemblancekeepsmyjudgmentinsuspense。
  AMPH。Wehavebeentrickedtoolongbyanexecrablerogue;Imustbreakthespellwiththissteel。
  NAU。Stay。
  AMPH。Leavemealone。
  NAU。YeGods!Whatwouldyoudo?
  AMPH。Punishthemiserabletreacheryofanimpostor。
  JUP。Gently,gently!Thereisverylittleneedofbeingcarriedawaybypassion;whenamanburstsoutinsucharageasthis,itmakesonethinkhehasbadreasons。
  SOS。Yes;itisanenchanter,whohasatalismanthatenableshimtoresemblethemastersofhouses。
  AMPH。Foryourshareinthisinsultinglanguage,Ishallmakeyoufeelathousandblows。
  SOS。Mymasterisamanofcourage:hewillnotallowhisfollowerstobethrashed。
  AMPH。Letmeassuagemydeepanger,andwashoutmyaffrontinthescoundrel’sblood。
  NAU。WeshallnotsufferthisstrangecombatofAmphitryonagainsthimself。
  AMPH。What?Doesmyhonourreceivethistreatmentfromyou?Domyfriendsundertakethedefenceofarogue?Farfrombeingthefirsttotakeupmyvengeance,theythemselvesplaceobstaclesinthewayofmyresentment?
  NAU。Whatdoyouwishustodecide,whentwoAmphitryonsarebeforeusandallthewarmthofourfriendshipisinsuspense?Ifwewerenowtoshowtowardsyou,wefearwemightmakeamistake,andnotrecogniseyou。TrulyweseeinyoutheappearanceofAmphitryon,theglorioussupportoftheThebans’well-being;butwealsoseethesameappearanceinhim,andwecannotjudgewhichheis。Ourdutyisnotdoubtful,theimpostoroughttobitethedustatourhands;butthisperfectresemblancehideshimbetweenyoutwo;anditistoohazardousastroketoundertakeinthedark。Letusfindoutquietlyonwhichsidetheimposturemaybe;then,assoonaswehaveunravelledtheadventure,itwillnotbenecessaryforyoutotellusourduty。
  JUP。Yes,youareright,thisresemblanceauthorisesyoutodoubtbothofus。Iamnotoffendedtoseeyoucannotmakeupyourminds:
  Iammorereasonable,andexcuseyou。Theeyecannotdifferentiatebetweenus。Iseeonecaneasilybemistaken。Youdonotseemegivewaytoanger,nordrawmysword:thatisabadwaytoenlightenamystery;Icanfindonemoregentleandmorecertain。OneofusisAmphitryon;andbothofusmayseemsoinyoureyes。Itisformetoendthisconfusion。Iintendtomakemyselfsowellknowntoall,that,attheoverwhelmingproofsIshallbringforwardtoshowwhoI
  am,behimselfshallagreeconcerningthebloodfromwhichIsprang,andheshallnolongerhaveoccasiontosayanything。BeforealltheThebansIwillrevealthetruthtoyou;theaffairis,unquestionably,ofsufficientimportancetojustifymyseekingtoclearitupinthesightofall。Alcmeneexpectsthispublictestimonyfromme;hervirtue,whichisoutragedbythenoiseofthismischance,demandsjustification,andIwillseejusticeisdoneit。Myloveforhercompelsmetoit。Ishallcalltogetheranassemblyofthenoblestchiefs,fortheexplanationherhonourrequires。Whilewaitingwithyouforthesedesirablewitnesses,I
  prayyoutocondescendtohonourthetabletowhichSosiehasinvitedyou。
  SOS。Iwasnotmistaken,gentlemen,thiswordputsanendtoallirresolution:therealAmphitryonistheAmphitryonwhogivesdinners。
  AMPH。OHeaven!Canmyhumiliationgofurther?MustIindeedsufferthemartyrdomoflisteningtoallthatthisimpostorhasjustsaidtomyface,myarmsbound,thoughhiswordsdrivememad?
  NAU。Youarewrongtocomplain。Letusawaittheexplanationwhichshallrenderresentmentseasonable。Idonotknowwhetherheimposesuponusornot;buthespeaksonthematterasthoughhewereright。
  AMPH。Go,youweak-kneedfriends,andflattertheimposture。Thebeshasotherfriendswhowillflockroundme,differentfromyou。I
  willgoandfindsomewho,sharingtheinsult,willknowbowtolendtheirhandinmyjustcause。
  JUP。Ahwell!Iawaitthem;Ishallknowhowtodecidethediscussionintheirpresence。
  AMPH。Yourogue,youthinkperhapstoevadejusticethus;butnothingshallshieldyoufrommyvengeance。
  JUP。Ishallnotnowcondescendtoanswerthisinsultinglanguage;
  soonIshallbeabletoconfoundyourfurywithtwowords。
  AMPH。NotHeaven,notHeavenitselfcanprotectyou:IshalldogyourfootstepseventoHell。
  JUP。Itwillnotbenecessary;youwillsoonseeIshallnotflyaway。
  AMPH。Now,beforehegoesawaywiththese,Iwillmakehastetogathertogetherfriendswhowillaidmycause;theywillcometomyhouseandhelpmetopiercehimwithathousandthrusts。
  JUP。Noceremony,Iimploreyou;letusgoquicklyintothehouse。
  NAU。Really,thisadventureutterlyconfoundsthesensesandthereason。
  SOS。Atruce,gentlemen,toallyoursurprises;letusjoyfullysitdowntofeeduntilthemorning。Iintendtofeastwell,sothatI
  maybeingoodconditiontorelateourvaliantdeeds!Iamitchingtoattackthedishes;Ineverfeltsohungry。
  SCENEVI
  MERCURY,SOSIE
  MERC。Stop。Whathaveyoucometopokeyournoseinherefor,youimpudentturn-spit?
  SOS。Ah!Gently,gently,formercy’ssake!
  MERC。Ah!Youhavecomebackagain!Ishalltanyourhideforyou。
  SOS。Ah!BraveandgenerousI,composeyourself,Ibeseechyou。
  Sosie,spareSosiealittle,anddonotdivertyourselfbyknockingyourselfdown。
  MERC。Whogaveyoulibertytocallyourselfbythatname?DidInotexpresslyforbidyoutodoso,underpenaltyofexperiencingathousandcutsfromthecane?
  SOS。Itisanamewebothmaybearatthesametime,underthesamemaster。IamrecognisedasSosieeverywhere;Ipermityoutobehe,permitmetobeso,too。LetusleaveittothetwoAmphitryonstogiveventtotheirjealousies,and,thoughtheycontend,letthetwoSosiesliveinthebondsofpeace。
  MERC。No,oneisquiteenough;Iamdeterminednottoallowanydivision。
  SOS。Youshallhaveprecedenceoverme;Iwillbetheyounger,andyoushallbetheelder。
  MERC。No:abrotherisanuisance,andnottomytaste;Iintendtobetheonlyson。
  SOS。Obarbarousandtyrannicalheart!Allowmeatleasttobeyourshadow。
  MERC。Notatall。
  SOS。Letyoursoulhumaniseitselfwithalittlepity!Allowmetobenearyouinthatcapacity:Ishallbeeverywheresosubmissiveashadowthatyouwillbepleasedwithme。
  MERC。Noquarter;thelawisimmutable。Ifyouagainhavetheaudacitytogointhere,athousandblowsshallbethefruit。
  SOS。Alas!PoorSosie,towhatmiserabledisgraceareyoureduced!
  MERC。So?YourlipspresumeagaintogiveyourselfanameIforbid!
  SOS。No,Ididnotintendmyself;IwasspeakingofanoldSosie,whowasformerlyarelativeofmine,andwhom,withtheutmostbarbarity,theydroveoutofthehouseatdinnerhour。
  MERC。Takecareyoudonotfallintothatidiocyifyouwishtoremainamongthenumberoftheliving。
  SOS。HowIwouldthwackyouifIhadthecourage,foryourwretchedpuffeduppride,youdoublesonofastrumpet!
  MERC。Whatdoyousay?
  SOS。Nothing。
  MERC。Iamsureyoumutteredsomething。
  SOS。Askanyone;Idonotbreathe。
  MERC。NeverthelessIamabsolutelycertainthatsomethingaboutasonofastrumpetstruckmyear。
  SOS。Itmusthavebeenaparrotrousedbythebeautifulweather。
  MERC。Adieu。Ifyourbackitchesforacurrying,hereiswhereIlive。
  SOS。OHeavens!Whatacursedhouristhedinnerhourtobeturnedoutofdoors!Come,letusyieldtofateinouraffliction。Letustodayfollowblindcaprice,andjointheunfortunateSosietotheunfortunateAmphitryon:itisasuitableunion。Iseeheiscomingingoodcompany。
  SCENEVII
  AMPHITRYON,ARGATIPHONTIDAS,POSICLES,SOSIE
  AMPH。Stayhere,gentlemen,followmealittlewayoff,anddonotalladvance,Iprayyou,untilthereisneedforit。
  POS。Iquiteunderstandthisblowtouchesyoutotheheart。
  AMPH。Ah!Mysorrowisbitterthroughandthrough:Isufferinmyaffection,asmuchasinmyhonour。
  POS。Ifthisresemblanceissuchasissaid,Alcmene,withoutbeingguilty……
  AMPH。Ah!Inthisaffair,asimpleerrorbecomesaveritablecrime,and,thoughnowayconsenting,innocenceperishesinit。Sucherrors,inwhateverwaywelookatthem,affectusinthemostsensitiveparts;reasonoften,oftenpardonsthem,whenhonourandlovecannot。
  ARGAT。Idonotbothermythoughtsaboutthat;butIhateyourgentlemenfortheirdisgracefuldelay;itisaproceedingwhichwoundsmetothequick,andonewhichcourageouspeoplewillneverapprove。Whenanymanhasneedofus,weoughttothrowourselvesheadforemostintohisconcerns。Argatiphontidasisnotoneforcompromisingmatters。Itisnotseemlyformenofhonourtolistentotheargumentsofafriend’sadversary;oneshouldonlylistentovengeanceatsuchtimes。Theproceedingdoesnotpleaseme;inquarrelssuchastheseweoughtalwaystobeginsendingtheswordthroughthebody,withoutanynonsense。Yes,whateverhappens,youshallseethatArgatiphontidasgoesstraighttothepoint。Ientreatyounottoletthevillaindiebyanyotherhandthanmine。
  AMPH。Comeon。
  SOS。Icome,Monsieur,toundergoatyourkneesthejustpunishmentofcursedaudacity。Strike,beat,drub,overwhelmmewithblows,killmeinyouranger;youwilldowell,Ideserveit;Ishallnotsayasinglewordagainstyou。
  AMPH。Getup。Whatisthematter?
  SOS。Ihavebeenturnedawayunceremoniously;thinkingtoeatandrejoicelikethem,Ididnotthinkthat,asitturnedout,Iwaswaitingtheretothrashmyself。Yes,theotherI,valettotheotheryou,hasplayedtheverydevilwithmeoncemore。Thesamecruelfateseemstopursueusbothtoday,Monsieur。Inshort,theyhaveun-Sosiedme,astheyun-Amphitryon’dyou。
  AMPH。Followme。
  SOS。Isitnotbettertoseeifanybodyiscoming?
  SCENEVIII
  CLEANTHIS,NAUCRATES,POLIDAS,SOSIE,AMPHITRYON,ARGATIPHONTIDAS,POSICLES
  CLE。OHeaven!
  AMPH。Whatfrightensyoulikethis?Whyareyouafraidofme?
  CLE。Why!YouareupthereandIseeyouhere!
  NAU。Donothurry;herehecomestogive,beforeusall,theexplanationwewant。Ifwemaybelievewhathehasjustsaidaboutit,itwillbanishawayyourtroubleandcare。
  SCENEIX
  MERCURY,CLEANTHIS,NAUCRATES,POLIDAS,SOSIE,AMPHITRYON,ARGATIPHONTIDAS,POSICLES
  MERC。Yes,youshallallseehim;knowbeforehandthatitisthegrandmasteroftheGods,whom,underthecherishedfeaturesofthisresemblance,Alcmenehascausedtodescendherefromtheheavens。Asforme,IamMercury。Notknowingwhatelsetodo,IhavegivenhimadrubbingwhoseappearanceItook。Hemaynowconsolehimself,forstrokesfromthewandofaGodconferhonouronhimwhohastosubmittothem。
  SOS。Uponmyword,MonsieurGod,Iamyourservant;Icouldhavedonewithoutyourattentions。
  MERC。InowgiveyouleavetobeSosie。Iamtiredofwearingsuchanuglymug;Iamgoingtotheheavens,toscrapeitalloffwithambrosia。(Hefliesawaytotheskies。)
  SOS。MayHeavenforeverkeepyoufromthedesireofwishingtocomenearmeagain!Yourfuryagainstmehasbeentoobitter;neverinmylifehaveIseenaGodwhowasmoreofadevilthanyou!
  SCENEX
  JUPITER,CLEANTHIS,NAUCRATES,POLIDAS,SOSIE,AMPHITRYON,ARGATIPHONTIDAS,POSICLES
  JUP。(Inacloud,)Behold,Amphitryon,whohasimposedonyou;underhisownaspectyouseeJupiter。Bythesesignsyoumayeasilyknowhim;theyaresufficient,Ithink,torestoreyourheartwhereitshouldbetobringbackpeaceandhappinesstoyourfamily。Myname,whichthewholeearthcontinuallyadores,thusstiflesallscandalthatmightbespreadabroad。AsharewithJupiterhasnothingthatintheleastdishonours,fordoubtless,itcanbebutglorioustofindone’sselftherivalofthesovereignoftheGods。Idonotseeanyreasonwhyyourloveshouldmurmur;itisI,GodasIam,whooughttobejealousinthisaffair。Alcmeneiswhollyyours,whatevermeansonemayemploy;itmustbegratifyingtoyourpassiontoseethatthereisnootherwayofpleasingherthantoappearasherhusband。EvenJupiter,clothedinhisimmortalglory,couldnotbyhimselfundermineherfidelity;whathehasreceivedfromherwasgrantedbyherardentheartonlytoyou。
  SOS。TheSeigneurJupiterknowshowtogildthepill。
  JUP。Castaside,therefore,theblackcarethatstiflesyourheart;
  restoreperfectpeacetotheardourwhichconsumesyou。Inyourhouseshallbebornason,who,underthenameofHercules,shallcausethevastuniversetoringwithhisdeeds。AgloriousfuturecrownedwithathousandblessingsshallleteveryoneseeIamyoursupport;Iwillmakeyourfatetheenvyofthewholeworld。Youmayboldlyflatteryourselfwithwhatthesepromisesconfer。Itisacrimetodoubtthem,forthewordsofJupiterarethedecreesoffate。(Heislostintheclouds。)
  NAU。Truly,Iamdelightedattheseevidentmarks……
  SOS。Gentlemen,willyoupleasetakemyadvice?Donotembarkinthesesugarycongratulations;itisabadspeculation;phrasesareembarrassingoneitherside,insuchacompliment。ThegreatGodJupiterhasdoneusmuchhonour,and,unquestionaby,hiskindnesstowardsusisunparalleled;hepromisesustheinfalliblehappinessofafortunecrownedwithathousandblessings,andinourhouseshallbebornabraveson。Nothingcouldbebetterthanthis。But,nevertheless,letuscutshortourspeeches,andeachoneretirequietlytohisownhouse。Insuchaffairsasthese,itisalwaysbestnottosayanything。