ACTISCENEI。BeforeLEONATO’Shouse。EnterLEONATO，HERO，andBEATRICE，withaMessengerLEONATOIlearninthisletterthatDonPeterofArragoncomesthisnighttoMessina。MessengerHeisverynearbythis：hewasnotthreeleaguesoffwhenIlefthim。LEONATOHowmanygentlemenhaveyoulostinthisaction？MessengerButfewofanysort，andnoneofname。LEONATOAvictoryistwiceitselfwhentheachieverbringshomefullnumbers。IfindherethatDonPeterhathbestowedmuchhonouronayoungFlorentinecalledClaudio。MessengerMuchdeservedonhispartandequallyrememberedbyDonPedro：hehathbornehimselfbeyondthepromiseofhisage，doing，inthefigureofalamb，thefeatsofalion：hehathindeedbetterbetteredexpectationthanyoumustexpectofmetotellyouhow。LEONATOHehathanunclehereinMessinawillbeverymuchgladofit。MessengerIhavealreadydeliveredhimletters，andthereappearsmuchjoyinhim；evensomuchthatjoycouldnotshowitselfmodestenoughwithoutabadgeofbitterness。LEONATODidhebreakoutintotears？MessengerIngreatmeasure。LEONATOAkindoverflowofkindness：therearenofacestruerthanthosethataresowashed。Howmuchbetterisittoweepatjoythantojoyatweeping！BEATRICEIprayyou，isSigniorMountantoreturnedfromthewarsorno？MessengerIknownoneofthatname，lady：therewasnonesuchinthearmyofanysort。LEONATOWhatishethatyouaskfor，niece？HEROMycousinmeansSigniorBenedickofPadua。MessengerO，he’sreturned；andaspleasantaseverhewas。BEATRICEHesetuphisbillshereinMessinaandchallengedCupidattheflight；andmyuncle’sfool，readingthechallenge，subscribedforCupid，andchallengedhimatthebird-bolt。Iprayyou，howmanyhathhekilledandeateninthesewars？Buthowmanyhathhekilled？forindeedIpromisedtoeatallofhiskilling。LEONATOFaith，niece，youtaxSigniorBenedicktoomuch；
　　buthe’llbemeetwithyou，Idoubtitnot。MessengerHehathdonegoodservice，lady，inthesewars。BEATRICEYouhadmustyvictual，andhehathholptoeatit：
　　heisaveryvalianttrencherman；hehathanexcellentstomach。MessengerAndagoodsoldiertoo，lady。BEATRICEAndagoodsoldiertoalady：butwhatishetoalord？MessengerAlordtoalord，amantoaman；stuffedwithallhonourablevirtues。BEATRICEItisso，indeed；heisnolessthanastuffedman：
　　butforthestuffing，——well，weareallmortal。LEONATOYoumustnot，sir，mistakemyniece。ThereisakindofmerrywarbetwixtSigniorBenedickandher：
　　theynevermeetbutthere’saskirmishofwitbetweenthem。BEATRICEAlas！hegetsnothingbythat。Inourlastconflictfourofhisfivewitswenthaltingoff，andnowisthewholemangovernedwithone：sothatifhehavewitenoughtokeephimselfwarm，lethimbearitforadifferencebetweenhimselfandhishorse；foritisallthewealththathehathleft，tobeknownareasonablecreature。Whoishiscompanionnow？Hehatheverymonthanewswornbrother。MessengerIs’tpossible？BEATRICEVeryeasilypossible：hewearshisfaithbutasthefashionofhishat；iteverchangeswiththenextblock。MessengerIsee，lady，thegentlemanisnotinyourbooks。BEATRICENo；anhewere，Iwouldburnmystudy。
　　But，Iprayyou，whoishiscompanion？Istherenoyoungsquarernowthatwillmakeavoyagewithhimtothedevil？MessengerHeismostinthecompanyoftherightnobleClaudio。BEATRICEOLord，hewillhanguponhimlikeadisease：
　　heissoonercaughtthanthepestilence，andthetakerrunspresentlymad。GodhelpthenobleClaudio！
　　ifhehavecaughttheBenedick，itwillcosthimathousandpounderea’becured。MessengerIwillholdfriendswithyou，lady。BEATRICEDo，goodfriend。LEONATOYouwillneverrunmad，niece。BEATRICENo，nottillahotJanuary。MessengerDonPedroisapproached。
　　EnterDONPEDRO，DONJOHN，CLAUDIO，BENEDICK，andBALTHASARDONPEDROGoodSigniorLeonato，youarecometomeetyourtrouble：thefashionoftheworldistoavoidcost，andyouencounterit。LEONATONevercametroubletomyhouseinthelikenessofyourgrace：fortroublebeinggone，comfortshouldremain；butwhenyoudepartfromme，sorrowabidesandhappinesstakeshisleave。DONPEDROYouembraceyourchargetoowillingly。
　　Ithinkthisisyourdaughter。LEONATOHermotherhathmanytimestoldmeso。BENEDICKWereyouindoubt，sir，thatyouaskedher？LEONATOSigniorBenedick，no；forthenwereyouachild。DONPEDROYouhaveitfull，Benedick：wemayguessbythiswhatyouare，beingaman。Truly，theladyfathersherself。Behappy，lady；foryouarelikeanhonourablefather。BENEDICKIfSigniorLeonatobeherfather，shewouldnothavehisheadonhershouldersforallMessina，aslikehimassheis。BEATRICEIwonderthatyouwillstillbetalking，SigniorBenedick：nobodymarksyou。BENEDICKWhat，mydearLadyDisdain！areyouyetliving？BEATRICEIsitpossibledisdainshoulddiewhileshehathsuchmeetfoodtofeeditasSigniorBenedick？
　　Courtesyitselfmustconverttodisdain，ifyoucomeinherpresence。BENEDICKTheniscourtesyaturncoat。ButitiscertainI
　　amlovedofallladies，onlyyouexcepted：andI
　　wouldIcouldfindinmyheartthatIhadnotahardheart；for，truly，Ilovenone。BEATRICEAdearhappinesstowomen：theywouldelsehavebeentroubledwithapernicioussuitor。IthankGodandmycoldblood，Iamofyourhumourforthat：
　　I
　　hadratherhearmydogbarkatacrowthanamanswearhelovesme。BENEDICKGodkeepyourladyshipstillinthatmind！sosomegentlemanorothershall’scapeapredestinatescratchedface。BEATRICEScratchingcouldnotmakeitworse，an’tweresuchafaceasyourswere。BENEDICKWell，youarearareparrot-teacher。BEATRICEAbirdofmytongueisbetterthanabeastofyours。BENEDICKIwouldmyhorsehadthespeedofyourtongue，andsogoodacontinuer。Butkeepyourway，i’God’sname；Ihavedone。BEATRICEYoualwaysendwithajade’strick：I
　　knowyouofold。DONPEDROThatisthesumofall，Leonato。SigniorClaudioandSigniorBenedick，mydearfriendLeonatohathinvitedyouall。Itellhimweshallstayhereattheleastamonth；andheheartilyprayssomeoccasionmaydetainuslonger。Idareswearheisnohypocrite，butpraysfromhisheart。LEONATOIfyouswear，mylord，youshallnotbeforsworn。
　　ToDONJOHN
　　Letmebidyouwelcome，mylord：beingreconciledtotheprinceyourbrother，Ioweyouallduty。DONJOHNIthankyou：Iamnotofmanywords，butIthankyou。LEONATOPleaseityourgraceleadon？DONPEDROYourhand，Leonato；wewillgotogether。
　　ExeuntallexceptBENEDICKandCLAUDIOCLAUDIOBenedick，didstthounotethedaughterofSigniorLeonato？BENEDICKInotedhernot；butIlookedonher。CLAUDIOIsshenotamodestyounglady？BENEDICKDoyouquestionme，asanhonestmanshoulddo，formysimpletruejudgment；orwouldyouhavemespeakaftermycustom，asbeingaprofessedtyranttotheirsex？CLAUDIONo；Ipraytheespeakinsoberjudgment。BENEDICKWhy，i’faith，methinksshe’stoolowforahighpraise，toobrownforafairpraiseandtoolittleforagreatpraise：onlythiscommendationI
　　canaffordher，thatweresheotherthansheis，shewereunhandsome；andbeingnootherbutassheis，I
　　donotlikeher。CLAUDIOThouthinkestIaminsport：Ipraytheetellmetrulyhowthoulikesther。BENEDICKWouldyoubuyher，thatyouinquireafterher？CLAUDIOCantheworldbuysuchajewel？BENEDICKYea，andacasetoputitinto。Butspeakyouthiswithasadbrow？ordoyouplaythefloutingJack，totellusCupidisagoodhare-finderandVulcanararecarpenter？Come，inwhatkeyshallamantakeyou，togointhesong？CLAUDIOInmineeyesheisthesweetestladythateverI
　　lookedon。BENEDICKIcanseeyetwithoutspectaclesandIseenosuchmatter：there’shercousin，anshewerenotpossessedwithafury，exceedsherasmuchinbeautyasthefirstofMaydoththelastofDecember。
　　ButI
　　hopeyouhavenointenttoturnhusband，haveyou？CLAUDIOIwouldscarcetrustmyself，thoughI
　　hadswornthecontrary，ifHerowouldbemywife。BENEDICKIs’tcometothis？Infaith，hathnottheworldonemanbuthewillwearhiscapwithsuspicion？
　　ShallIneverseeabachelorofthree-scoreagain？
　　Goto，i’faith；anthouwiltneedsthrustthyneckintoayoke，weartheprintofitandsighawaySundays。LookDonPedroisreturnedtoseekyou。
　　Re-enterDONPEDRODONPEDROWhatsecrethathheldyouhere，thatyoufollowednottoLeonato’s？BENEDICKIwouldyourgracewouldconstrainmetotell。DONPEDROIchargetheeonthyallegiance。BENEDICKYouhear，CountClaudio：Icanbesecretasadumbman；Iwouldhaveyouthinkso；but，onmyallegiance，markyouthis，onmyallegiance。
　　Heisinlove。Withwho？nowthatisyourgrace’spart。
　　Markhowshorthisansweris；——WithHero，Leonato’sshortdaughter。CLAUDIOIfthiswereso，sowereituttered。BENEDICKLiketheoldtale，mylord：’itisnotso，nor’twasnotso，but，indeed，Godforbiditshouldbeso。’CLAUDIOIfmypassionchangenotshortly，Godforbiditshouldbeotherwise。DONPEDROAmen，ifyouloveher；fortheladyisverywellworthy。CLAUDIOYouspeakthistofetchmein，mylord。DONPEDROBymytroth，Ispeakmythought。CLAUDIOAnd，infaith，mylord，Ispokemine。BENEDICKAnd，bymytwofaithsandtroths，mylord，Ispokemine。CLAUDIOThatIloveher，Ifeel。DONPEDROThatsheisworthy，Iknow。BENEDICKThatIneitherfeelhowsheshouldbelovednorknowhowsheshouldbeworthy，istheopinionthatfirecannotmeltoutofme：Iwilldieinitatthestake。DONPEDROThouwasteveranobstinatehereticinthedespiteofbeauty。CLAUDIOAndnevercouldmaintainhispartbutintheforceofhiswill。BENEDICKThatawomanconceivedme，Ithankher；
　　thatshebroughtmeup，Ilikewisegivehermosthumblethanks：butthatIwillhavearecheatwindedinmyforehead，orhangmybugleinaninvisiblebaldrick，allwomenshallpardonme。BecauseIwillnotdothemthewrongtomistrustany，Iwilldomyselftherighttotrustnone；andthefineis，forthewhichImaygothefiner，Iwillliveabachelor。DONPEDROIshallseethee，ereIdie，lookpalewithlove。BENEDICKWithanger，withsickness，orwithhunger，mylord，notwithlove：provethateverIlosemorebloodwithlovethanIwillgetagainwithdrinking，pickoutmineeyeswithaballad-maker’spenandhangmeupatthedoorofabrothel-houseforthesignofblindCupid。DONPEDROWell，ifeverthoudostfallfromthisfaith，thouwiltproveanotableargument。BENEDICKIfIdo，hangmeinabottlelikeacatandshootatme；andhethathitsme，lethimbeclappedontheshoulder，andcalledAdam。DONPEDROWell，astimeshalltry：’Intimethesavagebulldothbeartheyoke。’BENEDICKThesavagebullmay；butifeverthesensibleBenedickbearit，pluckoffthebull’shornsandsettheminmyforehead：andletmebevilelypainted，andinsuchgreatlettersastheywrite’Hereisgoodhorsetohire，’letthemsignifyundermysign’HereyoumayseeBenedickthemarriedman。’CLAUDIOIfthisshouldeverhappen，thouwouldstbehorn-mad。DONPEDRONay，ifCupidhavenotspentallhisquiverinVenice，thouwiltquakeforthisshortly。BENEDICKIlookforanearthquaketoo，then。DONPEDROWell，youtemporizewiththehours。Inthemeantime，goodSigniorBenedick，repairtoLeonato’s：commendmetohimandtellhimIwillnotfailhimatsupper；forindeedhehathmadegreatpreparation。BENEDICKIhavealmostmatterenoughinmeforsuchanembassage；andsoIcommityou——CLAUDIOTothetuitionofGod：Frommyhouse，ifIhadit，——DONPEDROThesixthofJuly：Yourlovingfriend，Benedick。BENEDICKNay，mocknot，mocknot。Thebodyofyourdiscourseissometimeguardedwithfragments，andtheguardsarebutslightlybastedonneither：
　　ereyoufloutoldendsanyfurther，examineyourconscience：andsoIleaveyou。
　　ExitCLAUDIOMyliege，yourhighnessnowmaydomegood。DONPEDROMyloveisthinetoteach：teachitbuthow，AndthoushaltseehowaptitistolearnAnyhardlessonthatmaydotheegood。CLAUDIOHathLeonatoanyson，mylord？DONPEDRONochildbutHero；she’shisonlyheir。
　　Dostthouaffecther，Claudio？CLAUDIOO，mylord，Whenyouwentonwardonthisendedaction，Ilook’duponherwithasoldier’seye，Thatliked，buthadaroughertaskinhandThantodrivelikingtothenameoflove：
　　ButnowIamreturn’dandthatwar-thoughtsHavelefttheirplacesvacant，intheirroomsComethrongingsoftanddelicatedesires，AllpromptingmehowfairyoungHerois，Saying，IlikedherereIwenttowars。DONPEDROThouwiltbelikealoverpresentlyAndtirethehearerwithabookofwords。
　　IfthoudostlovefairHero，cherishit，AndIwillbreakwithherandwithherfather，Andthoushalthaveher。Was’tnottothisendThatthoubegan’sttotwistsofineastory？CLAUDIOHowsweetlyyoudoministertolove，Thatknowlove’sgriefbyhiscomplexion！
　　Butlestmylikingmighttoosuddenseem，Iwouldhavesalveditwithalongertreatise。DONPEDROWhatneedthebridgemuchbroaderthantheflood？
　　Thefairestgrantisthenecessity。
　　Look，whatwillserveisfit：’tisonce，thoulovest，AndIwillfittheewiththeremedy。
　　Iknowweshallhaverevellingto-night：
　　IwillassumethypartinsomedisguiseAndtellfairHeroIamClaudio，AndinherbosomI’llunclaspmyheartAndtakeherhearingprisonerwiththeforceAndstrongencounterofmyamoroustale：
　　ThenaftertoherfatherwillIbreak；
　　Andtheconclusionis，sheshallbethine。
　　Inpractiseletusputitpresently。
　　ExeuntSCENEII。AroominLEONATO’shouse。EnterLEONATOandANTONIO，meetingLEONATOHownow，brother！Whereismycousin，yourson？
　　hathheprovidedthismusic？ANTONIOHeisverybusyaboutit。But，brother，Icantellyoustrangenewsthatyouyetdreamtnotof。LEONATOAretheygood？ANTONIOAstheeventstampsthem：buttheyhaveagoodcover；theyshowwelloutward。TheprinceandCountClaudio，walkinginathick-pleachedalleyinmineorchard，werethusmuchoverheardbyamanofmine：
　　theprincediscoveredtoClaudiothathelovedmynieceyourdaughterandmeanttoacknowledgeitthisnightinadance：andifhefoundheraccordant，hemeanttotakethepresenttimebythetopandinstantlybreakwithyouofit。LEONATOHaththefellowanywitthattoldyouthis？ANTONIOAgoodsharpfellow：Iwillsendforhim；
　　andquestionhimyourself。LEONATONo，no；wewillholditasadreamtillitappearitself：butIwillacquaintmydaughterwithal，thatshemaybethebetterpreparedforananswer，ifperadventurethisbetrue。Goyouandtellherofit。
　　EnterAttendantsCousins，youknowwhatyouhavetodo。O，Icryyoumercy，friend；goyouwithme，andIwilluseyourskill。Goodcousin，haveacarethisbusytime。
　　ExeuntSCENEIII。Thesame。EnterDONJOHNandCONRADECONRADEWhatthegood-year，mylord！whyareyouthusoutofmeasuresad？DONJOHNThereisnomeasureintheoccasionthatbreeds；
　　thereforethesadnessiswithoutlimit。CONRADEYoushouldhearreason。DONJOHNAndwhenIhaveheardit，whatblessingbringsit？CONRADEIfnotapresentremedy，atleastapatientsufferance。DONJOHNIwonderthatthou，being，asthousayestthouart，bornunderSaturn，goestabouttoapplyamoralmedicinetoamortifyingmischief。IcannothidewhatIam：ImustbesadwhenIhavecauseandsmileatnoman’sjests，eatwhenIhavestomachandwaitfornoman’sleisure，sleepwhenIamdrowsyandtendonnoman’sbusiness，laughwhenIammerryandclawnomaninhishumour。CONRADEYea，butyoumustnotmakethefullshowofthistillyoumaydoitwithoutcontrolment。Youhaveoflatestoodoutagainstyourbrother，andhehathta’enyounewlyintohisgrace；whereitisimpossibleyoushouldtaketruerootbutbythefairweatherthatyoumakeyourself：itisneedfulthatyouframetheseasonforyourownharvest。DONJOHNIhadratherbeacankerinahedgethanaroseinhisgrace，anditbetterfitsmybloodtobedisdainedofallthantofashionacarriagetoroblovefromany：inthis，thoughIcannotbesaidtobeaflatteringhonestman，itmustnotbedeniedbutIamaplain-dealingvillain。Iamtrustedwithamuzzleandenfranchisedwithaclog；thereforeI
　　havedecreednottosinginmycage。IfIhadmymouth，Iwouldbite；ifIhadmyliberty，Iwoulddomyliking：inthemeantimeletmebethatIamandseeknottoalterme。CONRADECanyoumakenouseofyourdiscontent？DONJOHNImakealluseofit，forIuseitonly。
　　Whocomeshere？
　　EnterBORACHIO
　　Whatnews，Borachio？BORACHIOIcameyonderfromagreatsupper：theprinceyourbrotherisroyallyentertainedbyLeonato：andI
　　cangiveyouintelligenceofanintendedmarriage。DONJOHNWillitserveforanymodeltobuildmischiefon？
　　Whatisheforafoolthatbetrothshimselftounquietness？BORACHIOMarry，itisyourbrother’srighthand。DONJOHNWho？themostexquisiteClaudio？BORACHIOEvenhe。DONJOHNApropersquire！Andwho，andwho？whichwaylookshe？BORACHIOMarry，onHero，thedaughterandheirofLeonato。DONJOHNAveryforwardMarch-chick！Howcameyoutothis？BORACHIOBeingentertainedforaperfumer，asI
　　wassmokingamustyroom，comesmetheprinceandClaudio，handinhandinsadconference：Iwhiptmebehindthearras；andtherehearditagreeduponthattheprinceshouldwooHeroforhimself，andhavingobtainedher，givehertoCountClaudio。DONJOHNCome，come，letusthither：thismayprovefoodtomydispleasure。Thatyoungstart-uphathallthegloryofmyoverthrow：ifIcancrosshimanyway，I
　　blessmyselfeveryway。Youarebothsure，andwillassistme？CONRADETothedeath，mylord。DONJOHNLetustothegreatsupper：theircheeristhegreaterthatIamsubdued。Wouldthecookwereofmymind！Shallwegoprovewhat’stobedone？BORACHIOWe’llwaituponyourlordship。
　　ExeuntACTIISCENEI。AhallinLEONATO’Shouse。EnterLEONATO，ANTONIO，HERO，BEATRICE，andothersLEONATOWasnotCountJohnhereatsupper？ANTONIOIsawhimnot。BEATRICEHowtartlythatgentlemanlooks！InevercanseehimbutIamheart-burnedanhourafter。HEROHeisofaverymelancholydisposition。BEATRICEHewereanexcellentmanthatweremadejustinthemidwaybetweenhimandBenedick：theoneistoolikeanimageandsaysnothing，andtheothertoolikemylady’seldestson，evermoretattling。LEONATOThenhalfSigniorBenedick’stongueinCountJohn’smouth，andhalfCountJohn’smelancholyinSigniorBenedick’sface，——BEATRICEWithagoodlegandagoodfoot，uncle，andmoneyenoughinhispurse，suchamanwouldwinanywomanintheworld，ifa’couldgethergood-will。LEONATOBymytroth，niece，thouwiltnevergettheeahusband，ifthoubesoshrewdofthytongue。ANTONIOInfaith，she’stoocurst。BEATRICEToocurstismorethancurst：IshalllessenGod’ssendingthatway；foritissaid，’Godsendsacurstcowshorthorns；’buttoacowtoocursthesendsnone。LEONATOSo，bybeingtoocurst，Godwillsendyounohorns。BEATRICEJust，ifhesendmenohusband；forthewhichblessingIamathimuponmykneeseverymorningandevening。Lord，Icouldnotendureahusbandwithabeardonhisface：Ihadratherlieinthewoollen。LEONATOYoumaylightonahusbandthathathnobeard。BEATRICEWhatshouldIdowithhim？dresshiminmyapparelandmakehimmywaiting-gentlewoman？Hethathathabeardismorethanayouth，andhethathathnobeardislessthanaman：andhethatismorethanayouthisnotforme，andhethatislessthanaman，Iamnotforhim：therefore，Iwilleventakesixpenceinearnestofthebear-ward，andleadhisapesintohell。LEONATOWell，then，goyouintohell？BEATRICENo，buttothegate；andtherewillthedevilmeetme，likeanoldcuckold，withhornsonhishead，andsay’Getyoutoheaven，Beatrice，getyoutoheaven；here’snoplaceforyoumaids：’sodeliverIupmyapes，andawaytoSaintPeterfortheheavens；heshowsmewherethebachelorssit，andthereliveweasmerryasthedayislong。ANTONIO[ToHERO]Well，niece，Itrustyouwillberuledbyyourfather。BEATRICEYes，faith；itismycousin’sdutytomakecurtsyandsay’Father，asitpleaseyou。’Butyetforallthat，cousin，lethimbeahandsomefellow，orelsemakeanothercurtsyandsay’Father，asitpleaseme。’LEONATOWell，niece，Ihopetoseeyouonedayfittedwithahusband。BEATRICENottillGodmakemenofsomeothermetalthanearth。Woulditnotgrieveawomantobeovermasteredwithapierceofvaliantdust？tomakeanaccountofherlifetoaclodofwaywardmarl？
　　No，uncle，I’llnone：Adam’ssonsaremybrethren；
　　and，truly，Iholditasintomatchinmykindred。LEONATODaughter，rememberwhatItoldyou：iftheprincedosolicityouinthatkind，youknowyouranswer。BEATRICEThefaultwillbeinthemusic，cousin，ifyoubenotwooedingoodtime：iftheprincebetooimportant，tellhimthereismeasureineverythingandsodanceouttheanswer。For，hearme，Hero：
　　wooing，wedding，andrepenting，isasaScotchjig，ameasure，andacinquepace：thefirstsuitishotandhasty，likeaScotchjig，andfullasfantastical；thewedding，mannerly-modest，asameasure，fullofstateandancientry；andthencomesrepentanceand，withhisbadlegs，fallsintothecinquepacefasterandfaster，tillhesinkintohisgrave。LEONATOCousin，youapprehendpassingshrewdly。BEATRICEIhaveagoodeye，uncle；Icanseeachurchbydaylight。LEONATOTherevellersareentering，brother：makegoodroom。
　　AllputontheirmasksEnterDONPEDRO，CLAUDIO，BENEDICK，BALTHASAR，DONJOHN，BORACHIO，MARGARET，URSULAandothers，maskedDONPEDROLady，willyouwalkaboutwithyourfriend？HEROSoyouwalksoftlyandlooksweetlyandsaynothing，Iamyoursforthewalk；andespeciallywhenI
　　walkaway。DONPEDROWithmeinyourcompany？HEROImaysayso，whenIplease。DONPEDROAndwhenpleaseyoutosayso？HEROWhenIlikeyourfavour；forGoddefendtheluteshouldbelikethecase！DONPEDROMyvisorisPhilemon’sroof；withinthehouseisJove。HEROWhy，then，yourvisorshouldbethatched。DONPEDROSpeaklow，ifyouspeaklove。
　　DrawingherasideBALTHASARWell，Iwouldyoudidlikeme。MARGARETSowouldnotI，foryourownsake；forIhavemanyill-qualities。BALTHASARWhichisone？MARGARETIsaymyprayersaloud。BALTHASARIloveyouthebetter：thehearersmaycry，Amen。MARGARETGodmatchmewithagooddancer！BALTHASARAmen。MARGARETAndGodkeephimoutofmysightwhenthedanceisdone！Answer，clerk。BALTHASARNomorewords：theclerkisanswered。URSULAIknowyouwellenough；youareSigniorAntonio。ANTONIOAtaword，Iamnot。URSULAIknowyoubythewagglingofyourhead。ANTONIOTotellyoutrue，Icounterfeithim。URSULAYoucouldneverdohimsoill-well，unlessyouweretheveryman。Here’shisdryhandupanddown：
　　youarehe，youarehe。ANTONIOAtaword，Iamnot。URSULACome，come，doyouthinkIdonotknowyoubyyourexcellentwit？canvirtuehideitself？Goto，mum，youarehe：graceswillappear，andthere’sanend。BEATRICEWillyounottellmewhotoldyouso？BENEDICKNo，youshallpardonme。BEATRICENorwillyounottellmewhoyouare？BENEDICKNotnow。BEATRICEThatIwasdisdainful，andthatIhadmygoodwitoutofthe’HundredMerryTales：’——wellthiswasSigniorBenedickthatsaidso。BENEDICKWhat’she？BEATRICEIamsureyouknowhimwellenough。BENEDICKNotI，believeme。BEATRICEDidhenevermakeyoulaugh？BENEDICKIprayyou，whatishe？BEATRICEWhy，heistheprince’sjester：averydullfool；
　　onlyhisgiftisindevisingimpossibleslanders：
　　nonebutlibertinesdelightinhim；andthecommendationisnotinhiswit，butinhisvillany；
　　forhebothpleasesmenandangersthem，andthentheylaughathimandbeathim。Iamsureheisinthefleet：Iwouldhehadboardedme。BENEDICKWhenIknowthegentleman，I’lltellhimwhatyousay。BEATRICEDo，do：he’llbutbreakacomparisonortwoonme；
　　which，peradventurenotmarkedornotlaughedat，strikeshimintomelancholy；andthenthere’sapartridgewingsaved，forthefoolwilleatnosupperthatnight。
　　MusicWemustfollowtheleaders。BENEDICKIneverygoodthing。BEATRICENay，iftheyleadtoanyill，Iwillleavethematthenextturning。
　　Dance。ThenexeuntallexceptDONJOHN，BORACHIO，andCLAUDIODONJOHNSuremybrotherisamorousonHeroandhathwithdrawnherfathertobreakwithhimaboutit。
　　Theladiesfollowherandbutonevisorremains。BORACHIOAndthatisClaudio：Iknowhimbyhisbearing。DONJOHNArenotyouSigniorBenedick？CLAUDIOYouknowmewell；Iamhe。DONJOHNSignior，youareverynearmybrotherinhislove：
　　heisenamouredonHero；Iprayyou，dissuadehimfromher：sheisnoequalforhisbirth：youmaydothepartofanhonestmaninit。CLAUDIOHowknowyouhelovesher？DONJOHNIheardhimswearhisaffection。BORACHIOSodidItoo；andhesworehewouldmarryherto-night。DONJOHNCome，letustothebanquet。
　　ExeuntDONJOHNandBORACHIOCLAUDIOThusanswerIinthenameofBenedick，ButheartheseillnewswiththeearsofClaudio。
　　’Tiscertainso；theprincewooesforhimself。
　　FriendshipisconstantinallotherthingsSaveintheofficeandaffairsoflove：
　　Therefore，allheartsinloveusetheirowntongues；
　　LeteveryeyenegotiateforitselfAndtrustnoagent；forbeautyisawitchAgainstwhosecharmsfaithmeltethintoblood。
　　Thisisanaccidentofhourlyproof，WhichImistrustednot。Farewell，therefore，Hero！
　　Re-enterBENEDICKBENEDICKCountClaudio？CLAUDIOYea，thesame。BENEDICKCome，willyougowithme？CLAUDIOWhither？BENEDICKEventothenextwillow，aboutyourownbusiness，county。Whatfashionwillyouwearthegarlandof？
　　aboutyourneck，likeanusurer’schain？orunderyourarm，likealieutenant’sscarf？Youmustwearitoneway，fortheprincehathgotyourHero。CLAUDIOIwishhimjoyofher。BENEDICKWhy，that’sspokenlikeanhonestdrovier：
　　sotheysellbullocks。Butdidyouthinktheprincewouldhaveservedyouthus？CLAUDIOIprayyou，leaveme。BENEDICKHo！nowyoustrikeliketheblindman：
　　’twastheboythatstoleyourmeat，andyou’llbeatthepost。CLAUDIOIfitwillnotbe，I’llleaveyou。
　　ExitBENEDICKAlas，poorhurtfowl！nowwillhecreepintosedges。
　　ButthatmyLadyBeatriceshouldknowme，andnotknowme！Theprince’sfool！Ha？ItmaybeIgounderthattitlebecauseIammerry。Yea，butsoI
　　amapttodomyselfwrong；Iamnotsoreputed：
　　itisthebase，thoughbitter，dispositionofBeatricethatputstheworldintoherpersonandsogivesmeout。Well，I’llberevengedasImay。
　　Re-enterDONPEDRODONPEDRONow，signior，where’sthecount？didyouseehim？BENEDICKTroth，mylord，IhaveplayedthepartofLadyFame。
　　Ifoundhimhereasmelancholyasalodgeinawarren：Itoldhim，andIthinkItoldhimtrue，thatyourgracehadgotthegoodwillofthisyounglady；andIofferedhimmycompanytoawillow-tree，eithertomakehimagarland，asbeingforsaken，ortobindhimuparod，asbeingworthytobewhipped。DONPEDROTobewhipped！What’shisfault？BENEDICKTheflattransgressionofaschoolboy，who，beingoverjoyedwithfindingabirds’nest，showsithiscompanion，andhestealsit。DONPEDROWiltthoumakeatrustatransgression？
　　Thetransgressionisinthestealer。BENEDICKYetithadnotbeenamisstherodhadbeenmade，andthegarlandtoo；forthegarlandhemighthavewornhimself，andtherodhemighthavebestowedonyou，who，asItakeit，havestolenhisbirds’
　　nest。DONPEDROIwillbutteachthemtosing，andrestorethemtotheowner。BENEDICKIftheirsingingansweryoursaying，bymyfaith，yousayhonestly。DONPEDROTheLadyBeatricehathaquarreltoyou：
　　thegentlemanthatdancedwithhertoldhersheismuchwrongedbyyou。BENEDICKO，shemisusedmepasttheenduranceofablock！
　　anoakbutwithonegreenleafonitwouldhaveansweredher；myveryvisorbegantoassumelifeandscoldwithher。Shetoldme，notthinkingIhadbeenmyself，thatIwastheprince’sjester，thatIwasdullerthanagreatthaw；huddlingjestuponjestwithsuchimpossibleconveyanceuponmethatIstoodlikeamanatamark，withawholearmyshootingatme。Shespeaksponiards，andeverywordstabs：
　　ifherbreathwereasterribleasherterminations，therewerenolivingnearher；shewouldinfecttothenorthstar。Iwouldnotmarryher，thoughshewereendowedwithallthatAdambadlefthimbeforehetransgressed：shewouldhavemadeHerculeshaveturnedspit，yea，andhaveclefthisclubtomakethefiretoo。Come，talknotofher：youshallfindhertheinfernalAteingoodapparel。IwouldtoGodsomescholarwouldconjureher；forcertainly，whilesheishere，amanmayliveasquietinhellasinasanctuary；andpeoplesinuponpurpose，becausetheywouldgothither；so，indeed，alldisquiet，horrorandperturbationfollowsher。DONPEDROLook，hereshecomes。
　　EnterCLAUDIO，BEATRICE，HERO，andLEONATOBENEDICKWillyourgracecommandmeanyservicetotheworld’send？IwillgoontheslightesterrandnowtotheAntipodesthatyoucandevisetosendmeon；
　　Iwillfetchyouatooth-pickernowfromthefurthestinchofAsia，bringyouthelengthofPresterJohn’sfoot，fetchyouahairoffthegreatCham’sbeard，doyouanyembassagetothePigmies，ratherthanholdthreewords’conferencewiththisharpy。Youhavenoemploymentforme？DONPEDRONone，buttodesireyourgoodcompany。BENEDICKOGod，sir，here’sadishIlovenot：
　　IcannotenduremyLadyTongue。
　　ExitDONPEDROCome，lady，come；youhavelosttheheartofSigniorBenedick。BEATRICEIndeed，mylord，helentitmeawhile；
　　andIgavehimuseforit，adoubleheartforhissingleone：
　　marry，oncebeforehewonitofmewithfalsedice，thereforeyourgracemaywellsayIhavelostit。DONPEDROYouhaveputhimdown，lady，youhaveputhimdown。BEATRICESoIwouldnotheshoulddome，mylord，lestI
　　shouldprovethemotheroffools。IhavebroughtCountClaudio，whomyousentmetoseek。DONPEDROWhy，hownow，count！whereforeareyousad？CLAUDIONotsad，mylord。DONPEDROHowthen？sick？CLAUDIONeither，mylord。BEATRICEThecountisneithersad，norsick，normerry，norwell；butcivilcount，civilasanorange，andsomethingofthatjealouscomplexion。DONPEDROI’faith，lady，Ithinkyourblazontobetrue；
　　though，I’llbesworn，ifhebeso，hisconceitisfalse。Here，Claudio，Ihavewooedinthyname，andfairHeroiswon：Ihavebrokewithherfather，andhisgoodwillobtained：namethedayofmarriage，andGodgivetheejoy！LEONATOCount，takeofmemydaughter，andwithhermyfortunes：hisgracehathmadethematch，andangracesayAmentoit。BEATRICESpeak，count，’tisyourcue。CLAUDIOSilenceistheperfectestheraldofjoy：
　　Iwerebutlittlehappy，ifIcouldsayhowmuch。Lady，asyouaremine，Iamyours：Igiveawaymyselfforyouanddoteupontheexchange。BEATRICESpeak，cousin；or，ifyoucannot，stophismouthwithakiss，andletnothimspeakneither。DONPEDROInfaith，lady，youhaveamerryheart。BEATRICEYea，mylord；Ithankit，poorfool，itkeepsonthewindysideofcare。Mycousintellshiminhisearthatheisinherheart。CLAUDIOAndsoshedoth，cousin。BEATRICEGoodLord，foralliance！ThusgoeseveryonetotheworldbutI，andIamsunburnt；Imaysitinacornerandcryheigh-hoforahusband！DONPEDROLadyBeatrice，Iwillgetyouone。BEATRICEIwouldratherhaveoneofyourfather’sgetting。
　　Hathyourgracene’erabrotherlikeyou？Yourfathergotexcellenthusbands，ifamaidcouldcomebythem。DONPEDROWillyouhaveme，lady？BEATRICENo，mylord，unlessImighthaveanotherforworking-days：yourgraceistoocostlytoweareveryday。But，Ibeseechyourgrace，pardonme：I
　　wasborntospeakallmirthandnomatter。DONPEDROYoursilencemostoffendsme，andtobemerrybestbecomesyou；for，outofquestion，youwereborninamerryhour。BEATRICENo，sure，mylord，mymothercried；butthentherewasastardanced，andunderthatwasIborn。
　　Cousins，Godgiveyoujoy！LEONATONiece，willyoulooktothosethingsItoldyouof？BEATRICEIcryyoumercy，uncle。Byyourgrace’spardon。
　　ExitDONPEDROBymytroth，apleasant-spiritedlady。LEONATOThere’slittleofthemelancholyelementinher，mylord：sheisneversadbutwhenshesleeps，andnoteversadthen；forIhaveheardmydaughtersay，shehathoftendreamedofunhappinessandwakedherselfwithlaughing。DONPEDROShecannotenduretoheartellofahusband。LEONATOO，bynomeans：shemocksallherwooersoutofsuit。DONPEDROShewereanexcellentwifeforBenedict。LEONATOOLord，mylord，iftheywerebutaweekmarried，theywouldtalkthemselvesmad。DONPEDROCountyClaudio，whenmeanyoutogotochurch？CLAUDIOTo-morrow，mylord：timegoesoncrutchestilllovehaveallhisrites。LEONATONottillMonday，mydearson，whichishenceajustseven-night；andatimetoobrief，too，tohaveallthingsanswermymind。DONPEDROCome，youshaketheheadatsolongabreathing：
　　but，Iwarrantthee，Claudio，thetimeshallnotgodullybyus。IwillintheinterimundertakeoneofHercules’labours；whichis，tobringSigniorBenedickandtheLadyBeatriceintoamountainofaffectiontheonewiththeother。Iwouldfainhaveitamatch，andIdoubtnotbuttofashionit，ifyouthreewillbutministersuchassistanceasI
　　shallgiveyoudirection。LEONATOMylord，Iamforyou，thoughitcostmetennights’watchings。CLAUDIOAndI，mylord。DONPEDROAndyoutoo，gentleHero？HEROIwilldoanymodestoffice，mylord，tohelpmycousintoagoodhusband。DONPEDROAndBenedickisnottheunhopefullesthusbandthatIknow。ThusfarcanIpraisehim；heisofanoblestrain，ofapprovedvalourandconfirmedhonesty。
　　I
　　willteachyouhowtohumouryourcousin，thatsheshallfallinlovewithBenedick；andI，withyourtwohelps，willsopractiseonBenedickthat，indespiteofhisquickwitandhisqueasystomach，heshallfallinlovewithBeatrice。Ifwecandothis，Cupidisnolongeranarcher：hisgloryshallbeours，forwearetheonlylove-gods。Goinwithme，andIwilltellyoumydrift。
　　ExeuntSCENEII。Thesame。EnterDONJOHNandBORACHIODONJOHNItisso；theCountClaudioshallmarrythedaughterofLeonato。BORACHIOYea，mylord；butIcancrossit。DONJOHNAnybar，anycross，anyimpedimentwillbemedicinabletome：Iamsickindispleasuretohim，andwhatsoevercomesathwarthisaffectionrangesevenlywithmine。Howcanstthoucrossthismarriage？BORACHIONothonestly，mylord；butsocovertlythatnodishonestyshallappearinme。DONJOHNShowmebrieflyhow。BORACHIOIthinkItoldyourlordshipayearsince，howmuchIaminthefavourofMargaret，thewaitinggentlewomantoHero。DONJOHNIremember。BORACHIOIcan，atanyunseasonableinstantofthenight，appointhertolookoutatherlady’schamberwindow。DONJOHNWhatlifeisinthat，tobethedeathofthismarriage？BORACHIOThepoisonofthatliesinyoutotemper。
　　Goyoutotheprinceyourbrother；sparenottotellhimthathehathwrongedhishonourinmarryingtherenownedClaudio——whoseestimationdoyoumightilyholdup——toacontaminatedstale，suchaoneasHero。DONJOHNWhatproofshallImakeofthat？BORACHIOProofenoughtomisusetheprince，tovexClaudio，toundoHeroandkillLeonato。Lookyouforanyotherissue？DONJOHNOnlytodespitethem，Iwillendeavouranything。BORACHIOGo，then；findmeameethourtodrawDonPedroandtheCountClaudioalone：tellthemthatyouknowthatHerolovesme；intendakindofzealbothtotheprinceandClaudio，as，——inloveofyourbrother’shonour，whohathmadethismatch，andhisfriend’sreputation，whoisthusliketobecozenedwiththesemblanceofamaid，——thatyouhavediscoveredthus。Theywillscarcelybelievethiswithouttrial：
　　offertheminstances；whichshallbearnolesslikelihoodthantoseemeatherchamber-window，hearmecallMargaretHero，hearMargarettermmeClaudio；andbringthemtoseethistheverynightbeforetheintendedwedding，——forinthemeantimeI
　　willsofashionthematterthatHeroshallbeabsent，——andthereshallappearsuchseemingtruthofHero’sdisloyaltythatjealousyshallbecalledassuranceandallthepreparationoverthrown。DONJOHNGrowthistowhatadverseissueitcan，Iwillputitinpractise。Becunningintheworkingthis，andthyfeeisathousandducats。BORACHIOBeyouconstantintheaccusation，andmycunningshallnotshameme。DONJOHNIwillpresentlygolearntheirdayofmarriage。
　　ExeuntSCENEIII。LEONATO’Sorchard。EnterBENEDICKBENEDICKBoy！
　　EnterBoyBoySignior？BENEDICKInmychamber-windowliesabook：bringithithertomeintheorchard。BoyIamherealready，sir。BENEDICKIknowthat；butIwouldhavetheehence，andhereagain。
　　ExitBoyIdomuchwonderthatoneman，seeinghowmuchanothermanisafoolwhenhededicateshisbehaviorstolove，will，afterhehathlaughedatsuchshallowfolliesinothers，becometheargumentofhisownscornbyfailinginlove：andsuchamanisClaudio。Ihaveknownwhentherewasnomusicwithhimbutthedrumandthefife；andnowhadheratherhearthetabourandthepipe：Ihaveknownwhenhewouldhavewalkedtenmilea-foottoseeagoodarmour；andnowwillhelietennightsawake，carvingthefashionofanewdoublet。Hewaswonttospeakplainandtothepurpose，likeanhonestmanandasoldier；andnowisheturnedorthography；
　　hiswordsareaveryfantasticalbanquet，justsomanystrangedishes。MayIbesoconvertedandseewiththeseeyes？Icannottell；Ithinknot：Iwillnotbesworn，butlovemaytransformmetoanoyster；