butI’lltakemyoathonit，tillhehavemadeanoysterofme，heshallnevermakemesuchafool。Onewomanisfair，yetIamwell；anotheriswise，yetI
　　amwell；anothervirtuous，yetIamwell；buttillallgracesbeinonewoman，onewomanshallnotcomeinmygrace。Richsheshallbe，that’scertain；wise，orI’llnone；virtuous，orI’llnevercheapenher；
　　fair，orI’llneverlookonher；mild，orcomenotnearme；noble，ornotIforanangel；ofgooddiscourse，anexcellentmusician，andherhairshallbeofwhatcolouritpleaseGod。Ha！theprinceandMonsieurLove！Iwillhidemeinthearbour。
　　WithdrawsEnterDONPEDRO，CLAUDIO，andLEONATODONPEDROCome，shallwehearthismusic？CLAUDIOYea，mygoodlord。Howstilltheeveningis，Ashush’donpurposetograceharmony！DONPEDROSeeyouwhereBenedickhathhidhimself？CLAUDIOO，verywell，mylord：themusicended，We’llfitthekid-foxwithapennyworth。
　　EnterBALTHASARwithMusicDONPEDROCome，Balthasar，we’llhearthatsongagain。BALTHASARO，goodmylord，taxnotsobadavoiceToslandermusicanymorethanonce。DONPEDROItisthewitnessstillofexcellencyToputastrangefaceonhisownperfection。
　　Ipraythee，sing，andletmewoonomore。BALTHASARBecauseyoutalkofwooing，Iwillsing；
　　SincemanyawooerdothcommencehissuitToherhethinksnotworthy，yethewooes，Yetwillheswearheloves。DONPEDRONow，praythee，come；
　　Or，ifthouwiltholdlongerargument，Doitinnotes。BALTHASARNotethisbeforemynotes；
　　There’snotanoteofminethat’sworththenoting。DONPEDROWhy，theseareverycrotchetsthathespeaks；
　　Note，notes，forsooth，andnothing。
　　AirBENEDICKNow，divineair！nowishissoulravished！
　　Isitnotstrangethatsheeps’gutsshouldhalesoulsoutofmen’sbodies？Well，ahornformymoney，whenall’sdone。
　　TheSongBALTHASARSighnomore，ladies，sighnomore，Menweredeceiversever，Onefootinseaandoneonshore，Toonethingconstantnever：
　　Thensighnotso，butletthemgo，Andbeyoublitheandbonny，ConvertingallyoursoundsofwoeIntoHeynonny，nonny。
　　Singnomoreditties，singnomoe，Ofdumpssodullandheavy；
　　Thefraudofmenwaseverso，Sincesummerfirstwasleafy：
　　Thensighnotso，&；c。DONPEDROBymytroth，agoodsong。BALTHASARAndanillsinger，mylord。DONPEDROHa，no，no，faith；thousingestwellenoughforashift。BENEDICKAnhehadbeenadogthatshouldhavehowledthus，theywouldhavehangedhim：andIprayGodhisbadvoicebodenomischief。Ihadasliefhaveheardthenight-raven，comewhatplaguecouldhavecomeafterit。DONPEDROYea，marry，dostthouhear，Balthasar？
　　Ipraythee，getussomeexcellentmusic；forto-morrownightwewouldhaveitattheLadyHero’schamber-window。BALTHASARThebestIcan，mylord。DONPEDRODoso：farewell。
　　ExitBALTHASAR
　　Comehither，Leonato。Whatwasityoutoldmeofto-day，thatyournieceBeatricewasinlovewithSigniorBenedick？CLAUDIOO，ay：stalkon。stalkon；thefowlsits。
　　Ididneverthinkthatladywouldhavelovedanyman。LEONATONo，norIneither；butmostwonderfulthatsheshouldsodoteonSigniorBenedick，whomshehathinalloutwardbehaviorsseemedevertoabhor。BENEDICKIs’tpossible？Sitsthewindinthatcorner？LEONATOBymytroth，mylord，Icannottellwhattothinkofitbutthatsheloveshimwithanenragedaffection：itispasttheinfiniteofthought。DONPEDROMaybeshedothbutcounterfeit。CLAUDIOFaith，likeenough。LEONATOOGod，counterfeit！Therewasnevercounterfeitofpassioncamesonearthelifeofpassionasshediscoversit。DONPEDROWhy，whateffectsofpassionshowsshe？CLAUDIOBaitthehookwell；thisfishwillbite。LEONATOWhateffects，mylord？Shewillsityou，youheardmydaughtertellyouhow。CLAUDIOShedid，indeed。DONPEDROHow，how，prayyou？Youamazeme：IwouldhaveI
　　thoughtherspirithadbeeninvincibleagainstallassaultsofaffection。LEONATOIwouldhaveswornithad，mylord；especiallyagainstBenedick。BENEDICKIshouldthinkthisagull，butthatthewhite-beardedfellowspeaksit：knaverycannot，sure，hidehimselfinsuchreverence。CLAUDIOHehathta’entheinfection：holditup。DONPEDROHathshemadeheraffectionknowntoBenedick？LEONATONo；andswearssheneverwill：that’shertorment。CLAUDIO’Tistrue，indeed；soyourdaughtersays：
　　’ShallI，’saysshe，’thathavesooftencounteredhimwithscorn，writetohimthatIlovehim？’LEONATOThissaysshenowwhensheisbeginningtowritetohim；forshe’llbeuptwentytimesanight，andtherewillshesitinhersmocktillshehavewritasheetofpaper：mydaughtertellsusall。CLAUDIONowyoutalkofasheetofpaper，Irememberaprettyjestyourdaughtertoldusof。LEONATOO，whenshehadwrititandwasreadingitover，shefoundBenedickandBeatricebetweenthesheet？CLAUDIOThat。LEONATOO，shetoretheletterintoathousandhalfpence；
　　railedatherself，thatsheshouldbesoimmodesttowritetoonethatsheknewwouldflouther；
　　’I
　　measurehim，’saysshe，’bymyownspirit；forI
　　shouldflouthim，ifhewrittome；yea，thoughI
　　lovehim，Ishould。’CLAUDIOThendownuponherkneesshefalls，weeps，sobs，beatsherheart，tearsherhair，prays，curses；
　　’O
　　sweetBenedick！Godgivemepatience！’LEONATOShedothindeed；mydaughtersaysso：
　　andtheecstasyhathsomuchoverborneherthatmydaughterissometimeafearedshewilldoadesperateoutragetoherself：itisverytrue。DONPEDROItweregoodthatBenedickknewofitbysomeother，ifshewillnotdiscoverit。CLAUDIOTowhatend？Hewouldmakebutasportofitandtormentthepoorladyworse。DONPEDROAnheshould，itwereanalmstohanghim。She’sanexcellentsweetlady；and，outofallsuspicion，sheisvirtuous。CLAUDIOAndsheisexceedingwise。DONPEDROIneverythingbutinlovingBenedick。LEONATOO，mylord，wisdomandbloodcombatinginsotenderabody，wehavetenproofstoonethatbloodhaththevictory。Iamsorryforher，asIhavejustcause，beingheruncleandherguardian。DONPEDROIwouldshehadbestowedthisdotageonme：Iwouldhavedaffedallotherrespectsandmadeherhalfmyself。Iprayyou，tellBenedickofit，andhearwhata’willsay。LEONATOWereitgood，thinkyou？CLAUDIOHerothinkssurelyshewilldie；forshesaysshewilldie，ifhelovehernot，andshewilldie，ereshemakeherloveknown，andshewilldie，ifhewooher，ratherthanshewillbateonebreathofheraccustomedcrossness。DONPEDROShedothwell：ifsheshouldmaketenderofherlove，’tisverypossiblehe’llscornit；fortheman，asyouknowall，hathacontemptiblespirit。CLAUDIOHeisaveryproperman。DONPEDROHehathindeedagoodoutwardhappiness。CLAUDIOBeforeGod！and，inmymind，verywise。DONPEDROHedothindeedshowsomesparksthatarelikewit。CLAUDIOAndItakehimtobevaliant。DONPEDROAsHector，Iassureyou：andinthemanagingofquarrelsyoumaysayheiswise；foreitherheavoidsthemwithgreatdiscretion，orundertakesthemwithamostChristian-likefear。LEONATOIfhedofearGod，a’mustnecessarilykeeppeace：
　　ifhebreakthepeace，heoughttoenterintoaquarrelwithfearandtrembling。DONPEDROAndsowillhedo；forthemandothfearGod，howsoeveritseemsnotinhimbysomelargejestshewillmake。WellIamsorryforyourniece。
　　ShallwegoseekBenedick，andtellhimofherlove？CLAUDIONevertellhim，mylord：letherwearitoutwithgoodcounsel。LEONATONay，that’simpossible：shemaywearherheartoutfirst。DONPEDROWell，wewillhearfurtherofitbyyourdaughter：
　　letitcoolthewhile。IloveBenedickwell；
　　andI
　　couldwishhewouldmodestlyexaminehimself，toseehowmuchheisunworthysogoodalady。LEONATOMylord，willyouwalk？dinnerisready。CLAUDIOIfhedonotdoteonheruponthis，I
　　willnevertrustmyexpectation。DONPEDROLettherebethesamenetspreadforher；andthatmustyourdaughterandhergentlewomencarry。
　　Thesportwillbe，whentheyholdoneanopinionofanother’sdotage，andnosuchmatter：that’sthescenethatIwouldsee，whichwillbemerelyadumb-show。Letussendhertocallhimintodinner。
　　ExeuntDONPEDRO，CLAUDIO，andLEONATOBENEDICK[Comingforward]Thiscanbenotrick：
　　theconferencewassadlyborne。TheyhavethetruthofthisfromHero。Theyseemtopitythelady：itseemsheraffectionshavetheirfullbent。Loveme！
　　why，itmustberequited。IhearhowIamcensured：
　　theysayIwillbearmyselfproudly，ifIperceivethelovecomefromher；theysaytoothatshewillratherdiethangiveanysignofaffection。I
　　didneverthinktomarry：Imustnotseemproud：
　　happyaretheythatheartheirdetractionsandcanputthemtomending。Theysaytheladyisfair；’tisatruth，Icanbearthemwitness；andvirtuous；
　　’tisso，Icannotreproveit；andwise，butforlovingme；bymytroth，itisnoadditiontoherwit，nornogreatargumentofherfolly，forIwillbehorriblyinlovewithher。Imaychancehavesomeoddquirksandremnantsofwitbrokenonme，becauseIhaverailedsolongagainstmarriage：
　　butdothnottheappetitealter？amanlovesthemeatinhisyouththathecannotendureinhisage。
　　Shallquipsandsentencesandthesepaperbulletsofthebrainaweamanfromthecareerofhishumour？
　　No，theworldmustbepeopled。WhenIsaidI
　　woulddieabachelor，IdidnotthinkIshouldlivetillI
　　weremarried。HerecomesBeatrice。Bythisday！
　　she’safairlady：Idospysomemarksofloveinher。
　　EnterBEATRICEBEATRICEAgainstmywillIamsenttobidyoucomeintodinner。BENEDICKFairBeatrice，Ithankyouforyourpains。BEATRICEItooknomorepainsforthosethanksthanyoutakepainstothankme：ifithadbeenpainful，I
　　wouldnothavecome。BENEDICKYoutakepleasuretheninthemessage？BEATRICEYea，justsomuchasyoumaytakeuponaknife’spointandchokeadawwithal。Youhavenostomach，signior：fareyouwell。
　　ExitBENEDICKHa！’AgainstmywillIamsenttobidyoucomeintodinner；’there’sadoublemeaninginthat’Itooknomorepainsforthosethanksthanyoutookpainstothankme。’that’sasmuchastosay，AnypainsthatItakeforyouisaseasyasthanks。IfIdonottakepityofher，Iamavillain；ifIdonotloveher，IamaJew。Iwillgogetherpicture。
　　ExitACTIIISCENEI。LEONATO’Sgarden。EnterHERO，MARGARET，andURSULAHEROGoodMargaret，runtheetotheparlor；
　　ThereshaltthoufindmycousinBeatriceProposingwiththeprinceandClaudio：
　　Whisperherearandtellher，IandUrsulaWalkintheorchardandourwholediscourseIsallofher；saythatthouoverheard’stus；
　　Andbidherstealintothepleachedbower，Wherehoneysuckles，ripen’dbythesun，Forbidthesuntoenter，likefavourites，Madeproudbyprinces，thatadvancetheirprideAgainstthatpowerthatbredit：therewillshehideher，Tolistenourpurpose。Thisisthyoffice；
　　Beartheewellinitandleaveusalone。MARGARETI’llmakehercome，Iwarrantyou，presently。
　　ExitHERONow，Ursula，whenBeatricedothcome，Aswedotracethisalleyupanddown，OurtalkmustonlybeofBenedick。
　　WhenIdonamehim，letitbethypartTopraisehimmorethanevermandidmerit：
　　MytalktotheemustbehowBenedickIssickinlovewithBeatrice。OfthismatterIslittleCupid’scraftyarrowmade，Thatonlywoundsbyhearsay。
　　EnterBEATRICE，behindNowbegin；
　　ForlookwhereBeatrice，likealapwing，runsClosebytheground，tohearourconference。URSULAThepleasant’stanglingistoseethefishCutwithhergoldenoarsthesilverstream，Andgreedilydevourthetreacherousbait：
　　SoangleweforBeatrice；whoevennowIscouchedinthewoodbinecoverture。
　　Fearyounotmypartofthedialogue。HEROThengowenearher，thatherearlosenothingOfthefalsesweetbaitthatwelayforit。
　　ApproachingthebowerNo，truly，Ursula，sheistoodisdainful；
　　IknowherspiritsareascoyandwildAshaggerdsoftherock。URSULAButareyousureThatBenedicklovesBeatricesoentirely？HEROSosaystheprinceandmynew-trothedlord。URSULAAnddidtheybidyoutellherofit，madam？HEROTheydidentreatmetoacquaintherofit；
　　ButIpersuadedthem，iftheylovedBenedick，Towishhimwrestlewithaffection，AndnevertoletBeatriceknowofit。URSULAWhydidyouso？DothnotthegentlemanDeserveasfullasfortunateabedAseverBeatriceshallcouchupon？HEROOgodoflove！IknowhedothdeserveAsmuchasmaybeyieldedtoaman：
　　ButNatureneverframedawoman’sheartOfprouderstuffthanthatofBeatrice；
　　Disdainandscornridesparklinginhereyes，Misprisingwhattheylookon，andherwitValuesitselfsohighlythattoherAllmatterelseseemsweak：shecannotlove，Nortakenoshapenorprojectofaffection，Sheissoself-endeared。URSULASure，Ithinkso；
　　AndthereforecertainlyitwerenotgoodSheknewhislove，lestshemakesportatit。HEROWhy，youspeaktruth。Ineveryetsawman，Howwise，hownoble，young，howrarelyfeatured，Butshewouldspellhimbackward：iffair-faced，Shewouldswearthegentlemanshouldbehersister；
　　Ifblack，why，Nature，drawingofanantique，Madeafoulblot；iftall，alanceill-headed；
　　Iflow，anagateveryvilelycut；
　　Ifspeaking，why，avaneblownwithallwinds；
　　Ifsilent，why，ablockmovedwithnone。
　　SoturnssheeverymanthewrongsideoutAndnevergivestotruthandvirtuethatWhichsimplenessandmeritpurchaseth。URSULASure，sure，suchcarpingisnotcommendable。HERONo，nottobesooddandfromallfashionsAsBeatriceis，cannotbecommendable：
　　Butwhodaretellherso？IfIshouldspeak，Shewouldmockmeintoair；O，shewouldlaughmeOutofmyself，pressmetodeathwithwit。
　　ThereforeletBenedick，likecover’dfire，Consumeawayinsighs，wasteinwardly：
　　Itwereabetterdeaththandiewithmocks，Whichisasbadasdiewithtickling。URSULAYettellherofit：hearwhatshewillsay。HERONo；ratherIwillgotoBenedickAndcounselhimtofightagainsthispassion。
　　And，truly，I’lldevisesomehonestslandersTostainmycousinwith：onedothnotknowHowmuchanillwordmayempoisonliking。URSULAO，donotdoyourcousinsuchawrong。
　　Shecannotbesomuchwithouttruejudgment——
　　HavingsoswiftandexcellentawitAssheisprizedtohave——astorefuseSorareagentlemanasSigniorBenedick。HEROHeistheonlymanofItaly。
　　AlwaysexceptedmydearClaudio。URSULAIprayyou，benotangrywithme，madam，Speakingmyfancy：SigniorBenedick，Forshape，forbearing，argumentandvalour，GoesforemostinreportthroughItaly。HEROIndeed，hehathanexcellentgoodname。URSULAHisexcellencedidearnit，erehehadit。
　　Whenareyoumarried，madam？HEROWhy，everyday，to-morrow。Come，goin：
　　I’llshowtheesomeattires，andhavethycounselWhichisthebesttofurnishmeto-morrow。URSULAShe’slimed，Iwarrantyou：wehavecaughther，madam。HEROIfitprovesso，thenlovinggoesbyhaps：
　　SomeCupidkillswitharrows，somewithtraps。
　　ExeuntHEROandURSULABEATRICE[Comingforward]
　　Whatfireisinmineears？Canthisbetrue？
　　StandIcondemn’dforprideandscornsomuch？
　　Contempt，farewell！andmaidenpride，adieu！
　　Noglorylivesbehindthebackofsuch。
　　And，Benedick，loveon；Iwillrequitethee，Tamingmywildhearttothylovinghand：
　　Ifthoudostlove，mykindnessshallincitetheeTobindourlovesupinaholyband；
　　Forotherssaythoudostdeserve，andI
　　Believeitbetterthanreportingly。
　　ExitSCENEII。AroominLEONATO’ShouseEnterDONPEDRO，CLAUDIO，BENEDICK，andLEONATODONPEDROIdobutstaytillyourmarriagebeconsummate，andthengoItowardArragon。CLAUDIOI’llbringyouthither，mylord，ifyou’llvouchsafeme。DONPEDRONay，thatwouldbeasgreatasoilinthenewglossofyourmarriageastoshowachildhisnewcoatandforbidhimtowearit。IwillonlybeboldwithBenedickforhiscompany；for，fromthecrownofhisheadtothesoleofhisfoot，heisallmirth：hehathtwiceorthricecutCupid’sbow-stringandthelittlehangmandarenotshootathim；hehathaheartassoundasabellandhistongueistheclapper，forwhathisheartthinkshistonguespeaks。BENEDICKGallants，IamnotasIhavebeen。LEONATOSosayImethinksyouaresadder。CLAUDIOIhopehebeinlove。DONPEDROHanghim，truant！there’snotruedropofbloodinhim，tobetrulytouchedwithlove：ifhebesad，hewantsmoney。BENEDICKIhavethetoothache。DONPEDRODrawit。BENEDICKHangit！CLAUDIOYoumusthangitfirst，anddrawitafterwards。DONPEDROWhat！sighforthetoothache？LEONATOWhereisbutahumouroraworm。BENEDICKWell，everyonecanmasteragriefbuthethathasit。CLAUDIOYetsayI，heisinlove。DONPEDROThereisnoappearanceoffancyinhim，unlessitbeafancythathehathtostrangedisguises；as，tobeaDutchmantoday，aFrenchmanto-morrow，orintheshapeoftwocountriesatonce，as，aGermanfromthewaistdownward，allslops，andaSpaniardfromthehipupward，nodoublet。Unlesshehaveafancytothisfoolery，asitappearshehath，heisnofoolforfancy，asyouwouldhaveitappearheis。CLAUDIOIfhebenotinlovewithsomewoman，thereisnobelievingoldsigns：a’brusheshishato’
　　mornings；whatshouldthatbode？DONPEDROHathanymanseenhimatthebarber’s？CLAUDIONo，butthebarber’smanhathbeenseenwithhim，andtheoldornamentofhischeekhathalreadystuffedtennis-balls。LEONATOIndeed，helooksyoungerthanhedid，bythelossofabeard。DONPEDRONay，a’rubshimselfwithcivet：canyousmellhimoutbythat？CLAUDIOThat’sasmuchastosay，thesweetyouth’sinlove。DONPEDROThegreatestnoteofitishismelancholy。CLAUDIOAndwhenwashewonttowashhisface？DONPEDROYea，ortopainthimself？forthewhich，Ihearwhattheysayofhim。CLAUDIONay，buthisjestingspirit；whichisnowcreptintoalute-stringandnowgovernedbystops。DONPEDROIndeed，thattellsaheavytaleforhim：
　　conclude，concludeheisinlove。CLAUDIONay，butIknowwholoveshim。DONPEDROThatwouldIknowtoo：Iwarrant，onethatknowshimnot。CLAUDIOYes，andhisillconditions；and，indespiteofall，diesforhim。DONPEDROSheshallbeburiedwithherfaceupwards。BENEDICKYetisthisnocharmforthetoothache。
　　Oldsignior，walkasidewithme：Ihavestudiedeightorninewisewordstospeaktoyou，whichthesehobby-horsesmustnothear。
　　ExeuntBENEDICKandLEONATODONPEDROFormylife，tobreakwithhimaboutBeatrice。CLAUDIO’Tisevenso。HeroandMargarethavebythisplayedtheirpartswithBeatrice；andthenthetwobearswillnotbiteoneanotherwhentheymeet。
　　EnterDONJOHNDONJOHNMylordandbrother，Godsaveyou！DONPEDROGoodden，brother。DONJOHNIfyourleisureserved，Iwouldspeakwithyou。DONPEDROInprivate？DONJOHNIfitpleaseyou：yetCountClaudiomayhear；forwhatIwouldspeakofconcernshim。DONPEDROWhat’sthematter？DONJOHN[ToCLAUDIO]Meansyourlordshiptobemarriedto-morrow？DONPEDROYouknowhedoes。DONJOHNIknownotthat，whenheknowswhatI
　　know。CLAUDIOIftherebeanyimpediment，Iprayyoudiscoverit。DONJOHNYoumaythinkIloveyounot：letthatappearhereafter，andaimbetteratmebythatInowwillmanifest。Formybrother，Ithinkheholdsyouwell，andindearnessofhearthathholptoeffectyourensuingmarriage；——surelysuitillspentandlabourillbestowed。DONPEDROWhy，what’sthematter？DONJOHNIcamehithertotellyou；and，circumstancesshortened，forshehasbeentoolongatalkingof，theladyisdisloyal。CLAUDIOWho，Hero？DONPEDROEvenshe；Leonato’sHero，yourHero，everyman’sHero：CLAUDIODisloyal？DONJOHNThewordistoogoodtopaintoutherwickedness；I
　　couldsayshewereworse：thinkyouofaworsetitle，andIwillfithertoit。Wondernottillfurtherwarrant：gobutwithmeto-night，youshallseeherchamber-windowentered，eventhenightbeforeherwedding-day：ifyouloveherthen，to-morrowwedher；butitwouldbetterfityourhonourtochangeyourmind。CLAUDIOMaythisbeso？DONPEDROIwillnotthinkit。DONJOHNIfyoudarenottrustthatyousee，confessnotthatyouknow：ifyouwillfollowme，Iwillshowyouenough；andwhenyouhaveseenmoreandheardmore，proceedaccordingly。CLAUDIOIfIseeanythingto-nightwhyIshouldnotmarryherto-morrowinthecongregation，whereIshouldwed，therewillIshameher。DONPEDROAnd，asIwooedfortheetoobtainher，Iwilljoinwiththeetodisgraceher。DONJOHNIwilldisparagehernofarthertillyouaremywitnesses：bearitcoldlybuttillmidnight，andlettheissueshowitself。DONPEDROOdayuntowardlyturned！CLAUDIOOmischiefstrangelythwarting！DONJOHNOplaguerightwellprevented！sowillyousaywhenyouhaveseenthesequel。
　　ExeuntSCENEIII。Astreet。EnterDOGBERRYandVERGESwiththeWatchDOGBERRYAreyougoodmenandtrue？VERGESYea，orelseitwerepitybuttheyshouldsuffersalvation，bodyandsoul。DOGBERRYNay，thatwereapunishmenttoogoodforthem，iftheyshouldhaveanyallegianceinthem，beingchosenfortheprince’swatch。VERGESWell，givethemtheircharge，neighbourDogberry。DOGBERRYFirst，whothinkyouthemostdesertlessmantobeconstable？FirstWatchmanHughOtecake，sir，orGeorgeSeacole；
　　fortheycanwriteandread。DOGBERRYComehither，neighbourSeacole。Godhathblessedyouwithagoodname：tobeawell-favouredmanisthegiftoffortune；buttowriteandreadcomesbynature。SecondWatchmanBothwhich，masterconstable，——DOGBERRYYouhave：Iknewitwouldbeyouranswer。
　　Well，foryourfavour，sir，why，giveGodthanks，andmakenoboastofit；andforyourwritingandreading，letthatappearwhenthereisnoneedofsuchvanity。Youarethoughtheretobethemostsenselessandfitmanfortheconstableofthewatch；thereforebearyouthelantern。Thisisyourcharge：youshallcomprehendallvagrommen；youaretobidanymanstand，intheprince’sname。SecondWatchmanHowifa’willnotstand？DOGBERRYWhy，then，takenonoteofhim，butlethimgo；andpresentlycalltherestofthewatchtogetherandthankGodyouareridofaknave。VERGESIfhewillnotstandwhenheisbidden，heisnoneoftheprince’ssubjects。DOGBERRYTrue，andtheyaretomeddlewithnonebuttheprince’ssubjects。Youshallalsomakenonoiseinthestreets；for，forthewatchtobabbleandtotalkismosttolerableandnottobeendured。WatchmanWewillrathersleepthantalk：weknowwhatbelongstoawatch。DOGBERRYWhy，youspeaklikeanancientandmostquietwatchman；forIcannotseehowsleepingshouldoffend：only，haveacarethatyourbillsbenotstolen。Well，youaretocallatalltheale-houses，andbidthosethataredrunkgetthemtobed。WatchmanHowiftheywillnot？DOGBERRYWhy，then，letthemalonetilltheyaresober：iftheymakeyounotthenthebetteranswer，youmaysaytheyarenotthemenyoutookthemfor。WatchmanWell，sir。DOGBERRYIfyoumeetathief，youmaysuspecthim，byvirtueofyouroffice，tobenotrueman；and，forsuchkindofmen，thelessyoumeddleormakewiththem，whythemoreisforyourhonesty。WatchmanIfweknowhimtobeathief，shallwenotlayhandsonhim？DOGBERRYTruly，byyouroffice，youmay；butI
　　thinktheythattouchpitchwillbedefiled：themostpeaceablewayforyou，ifyoudotakeathief，istolethimshowhimselfwhatheisandstealoutofyourcompany。VERGESYouhavebeenalwayscalledamercifulman，partner。DOGBERRYTruly，Iwouldnothangadogbymywill，muchmoreamanwhohathanyhonestyinhim。VERGESIfyouhearachildcryinthenight，youmustcalltothenurseandbidherstillit。WatchmanHowifthenursebeasleepandwillnothearus？DOGBERRYWhy，then，departinpeace，andletthechildwakeherwithcrying；fortheewethatwillnothearherlambwhenitbaeswillneveransweracalfwhenhebleats。VERGES’Tisverytrue。DOGBERRYThisistheendofthecharge：——you，constable，aretopresenttheprince’sownperson：ifyoumeettheprinceinthenight，youmaystayhim。VERGESNay，by’rourlady，thatIthinka’cannot。DOGBERRYFiveshillingstooneon’t，withanymanthatknowsthestatutes，hemaystayhim：marry，notwithouttheprincebewilling；for，indeed，thewatchoughttooffendnoman；anditisanoffencetostayamanagainsthiswill。VERGESBy’rlady，Ithinkitbeso。DOGBERRYHa，ha，ha！Well，masters，goodnight：
　　antherebeanymatterofweightchances，callupme：keepyourfellows’counselsandyourown；andgoodnight。
　　Come，neighbour。WatchmanWell，masters，wehearourcharge：letusgosithereuponthechurch-benchtilltwo，andthenalltobed。DOGBERRYOnewordmore，honestneighbours。IprayyouwatchaboutSigniorLeonato’sdoor；fortheweddingbeingthereto-morrow，thereisagreatcoilto-night。
　　Adieu：bevigitant，Ibeseechyou。
　　ExeuntDOGBERRYandVERGES
　　EnterBORACHIOandCONRADEBORACHIOWhatConrade！Watchman[Aside]Peace！stirnot。BORACHIOConrade，Isay！CONRADEHere，man；Iamatthyelbow。BORACHIOMass，andmyelbowitched；Ithoughttherewouldascabfollow。CONRADEIwillowetheeananswerforthat：andnowforwardwiththytale。BORACHIOStandtheeclose，then，underthispent-house，foritdrizzlesrain；andIwill，likeatruedrunkard，utteralltothee。Watchman[Aside]Sometreason，masters：yetstandclose。BORACHIOThereforeknowIhaveearnedofDonJohnathousandducats。CONRADEIsitpossiblethatanyvillanyshouldbesodear？BORACHIOThoushouldstratheraskifitwerepossibleanyvillanyshouldbesorich；forwhenrichvillainshaveneedofpoorones，pooronesmaymakewhatpricetheywill。CONRADEIwonderatit。BORACHIOThatshowsthouartunconfirmed。Thouknowestthatthefashionofadoublet，orahat，oracloak，isnothingtoaman。CONRADEYes，itisapparel。BORACHIOImean，thefashion。CONRADEYes，thefashionisthefashion。BORACHIOTush！Imayaswellsaythefool’sthefool。Butseestthounotwhatadeformedthiefthisfashionis？Watchman[Aside]IknowthatDeformed；a’hasbeenavilethiefthissevenyear；a’goesupanddownlikeagentleman：Irememberhisname。BORACHIODidstthounothearsomebody？CONRADENo；’twasthevaneonthehouse。BORACHIOSeestthounot，Isay，whatadeformedthiefthisfashionis？howgiddilya’turnsaboutallthehotbloodsbetweenfourteenandfive-and-thirty？
　　sometimesfashioningthemlikePharaoh’ssoldiersinthereekypainting，sometimelikegodBel’spriestsintheoldchurch-window，sometimeliketheshavenHerculesinthesmirchedworm-eatentapestry，wherehiscodpieceseemsasmassyashisclub？CONRADEAllthisIsee；andIseethatthefashionwearsoutmoreapparelthantheman。Butartnotthouthyselfgiddywiththefashiontoo，thatthouhastshiftedoutofthytaleintotellingmeofthefashion？BORACHIONotso，neither：butknowthatIhaveto-nightwooedMargaret，theLadyHero’sgentlewoman，bythenameofHero：sheleansmeoutathermistress’
　　chamber-window，bidsmeathousandtimesgoodnight，——Itellthistalevilely：——Ishouldfirsttelltheehowtheprince，Claudioandmymaster，plantedandplacedandpossessedbymymasterDonJohn，sawafaroffintheorchardthisamiableencounter。CONRADEAndthoughttheyMargaretwasHero？BORACHIOTwoofthemdid，theprinceandClaudio；
　　butthedevilmymasterknewshewasMargaret；andpartlybyhisoaths，whichfirstpossessedthem，partlybythedarknight，whichdiddeceivethem，butchieflybymyvillany，whichdidconfirmanyslanderthatDonJohnhadmade，awaywentClaudioenraged；
　　sworehewouldmeether，ashewasappointed，nextmorningatthetemple，andthere，beforethewholecongregation，shameherwithwhathesawo’ernightandsendherhomeagainwithoutahusband。FirstWatchmanWechargeyou，intheprince’sname，stand！SecondWatchmanCalluptherightmasterconstable。Wehavehererecoveredthemostdangerouspieceoflecherythateverwasknowninthecommonwealth。FirstWatchmanAndoneDeformedisoneofthem：Iknowhim；a’
　　wearsalock。CONRADEMasters，masters，——SecondWatchmanYou’llbemadebringDeformedforth，Iwarrantyou。CONRADEMasters，——FirstWatchmanNeverspeak：wechargeyouletusobeyyoutogowithus。BORACHIOWeareliketoproveagoodlycommodity，beingtakenupofthesemen’sbills。CONRADEAcommodityinquestion，Iwarrantyou。
　　Come，we’llobeyyou。
　　ExeuntSCENEIV。HERO’sapartment。EnterHERO，MARGARET，andURSULAHEROGoodUrsula，wakemycousinBeatrice，anddesirehertorise。URSULAIwill，lady。HEROAndbidhercomehither。URSULAWell。
　　ExitMARGARETTroth，Ithinkyourotherrabatowerebetter。HERONo，praythee，goodMeg，I’llwearthis。MARGARETBymytroth，’snotsogood；andIwarrantyourcousinwillsayso。HEROMycousin’safool，andthouartanother：
　　I’llwearnonebutthis。MARGARETIlikethenewtirewithinexcellently，ifthehairwereathoughtbrowner；andyourgown’samostrarefashion，i’faith。IsawtheDuchessofMilan’sgownthattheypraiseso。HEROO，thatexceeds，theysay。MARGARETBymytroth，’sbutanight-gowninrespectofyours：clotho’gold，andcuts，andlacedwithsilver，setwithpearls，downsleeves，sidesleeves，andskirts，roundunderbornewithabluishtinsel：
　　butforafine，quaint，gracefulandexcellentfashion，yoursisworthtenon’t。HEROGodgivemejoytowearit！formyheartisexceedingheavy。MARGARET’Twillbeheaviersoonbytheweightofaman。HEROFieuponthee！artnotashamed？MARGARETOfwhat，lady？ofspeakinghonourably？
　　Isnotmarriagehonourableinabeggar？Isnotyourlordhonourablewithoutmarriage？Ithinkyouwouldhavemesay，’savingyourreverence，ahusband：’andbadthinkingdonotwresttruespeaking，I’lloffendnobody：isthereanyharmin’theheavierforahusband’？None，Ithink，anditbetherighthusbandandtherightwife；otherwise’tislight，andnotheavy：askmyLadyBeatriceelse；hereshecomes。
　　EnterBEATRICEHEROGoodmorrow，coz。BEATRICEGoodmorrow，sweetHero。HEROWhyhownow？doyouspeakinthesicktune？BEATRICEIamoutofallothertune，methinks。MARGARETClap’sinto’Lighto’love；’thatgoeswithoutaburden：doyousingit，andI’lldanceit。BEATRICEYelighto’love，withyourheels！then，ifyourhusbandhavestablesenough，you’llseeheshalllacknobarns。MARGARETOillegitimateconstruction！Iscornthatwithmyheels。BEATRICE’Tisalmostfiveo’clock，cousin；tistimeyouwereready。Bymytroth，Iamexceedingill：heigh-ho！MARGARETForahawk，ahorse，orahusband？BEATRICEFortheletterthatbeginsthemall，H。MARGARETWell，andyoubenotturnedTurk，there’snomoresailingbythestar。BEATRICEWhatmeansthefool，trow？MARGARETNothingI；butGodsendeveryonetheirheart’sdesire！HEROTheseglovesthecountsentme；theyareanexcellentperfume。BEATRICEIamstuffed，cousin；Icannotsmell。MARGARETAmaid，andstuffed！there’sgoodlycatchingofcold。BEATRICEO，Godhelpme！Godhelpme！howlonghaveyouprofessedapprehension？MARGARETEvensinceyouleftit。Dothnotmywitbecomemerarely？BEATRICEItisnotseenenough，youshouldwearitinyourcap。Bymytroth，Iamsick。MARGARETGetyousomeofthisdistilledCarduusBenedictus，andlayittoyourheart：itistheonlythingforaqualm。HEROTherethouprickestherwithathistle。BEATRICEBenedictus！whyBenedictus？youhavesomemoralinthisBenedictus。MARGARETMoral！no，bymytroth，Ihavenomoralmeaning；I
　　meant，plainholy-thistle。YoumaythinkperchancethatIthinkyouareinlove：nay，by’rlady，IamnotsuchafooltothinkwhatIlist，norIlistnottothinkwhatIcan，norindeedIcannotthink，ifIwouldthinkmyheartoutofthinking，thatyouareinloveorthatyouwillbeinloveorthatyoucanbeinlove。YetBenedickwassuchanother，andnowishebecomeaman：hesworehewouldnevermarry，andyetnow，indespiteofhisheart，heeatshismeatwithoutgrudging：andhowyoumaybeconvertedIknownot，butmethinksyoulookwithyoureyesasotherwomendo。BEATRICEWhatpaceisthisthatthytonguekeeps？MARGARETNotafalsegallop。
　　Re-enterURSULAURSULAMadam，withdraw：theprince，thecount，SigniorBenedick，DonJohn，andallthegallantsofthetown，arecometofetchyoutochurch。HEROHelptodressme，goodcoz，goodMeg，goodUrsula。
　　ExeuntSCENEV。AnotherroominLEONATO’Shouse。EnterLEONATO，withDOGBERRYandVERGESLEONATOWhatwouldyouwithme，honestneighbour？DOGBERRYMarry，sir，Iwouldhavesomeconfidencewithyouthatdecernsyounearly。LEONATOBrief，Iprayyou；foryouseeitisabusytimewithme。DOGBERRYMarry，thisitis，sir。VERGESYes，intruthitis，sir。LEONATOWhatisit，mygoodfriends？DOGBERRYGoodmanVerges，sir，speaksalittleoffthematter：anoldman，sir，andhiswitsarenotsobluntas，Godhelp，Iwoulddesiretheywere；
　　but，infaith，honestastheskinbetweenhisbrows。VERGESYes，IthankGodIamashonestasanymanlivingthatisanoldmanandnohonesterthanI。DOGBERRYComparisonsareodorous：palabras，neighbourVerges。LEONATONeighbours，youaretedious。DOGBERRYItpleasesyourworshiptosayso，butwearethepoorduke’sofficers；buttruly，formineownpart，ifIwereastediousasaking，Icouldfinditinmyhearttobestowitallofyourworship。LEONATOAllthytediousnessonme，ah？DOGBERRYYea，an’twereathousandpoundmorethan’tis；forIhearasgoodexclamationonyourworshipasofanymaninthecity；andthoughIbebutapoorman，I
　　amgladtohearit。VERGESAndsoamI。LEONATOIwouldfainknowwhatyouhavetosay。VERGESMarry，sir，ourwatchto-night，exceptingyourworship’spresence，ha’ta’enacoupleofasarrantknavesasanyinMessina。DOGBERRYAgoodoldman，sir；hewillbetalking：
　　astheysay，whentheageisin，thewitisout：Godhelpus！itisaworldtosee。Wellsaid，i’faith，neighbourVerges：well，God’sagoodman；antwomenrideofahorse，onemustridebehind。Anhonestsoul，i’faith，sir；bymytrothheis，aseverbrokebread；butGodistobeworshipped；allmenarenotalike；alas，goodneighbour！LEONATOIndeed，neighbour，hecomestooshortofyou。DOGBERRYGiftsthatGodgives。LEONATOImustleaveyou。DOGBERRYOneword，sir：ourwatch，sir，haveindeedcomprehendedtwoaspiciouspersons，andwewouldhavethemthismorningexaminedbeforeyourworship。LEONATOTaketheirexaminationyourselfandbringitme：I
　　amnowingreathaste，asitmayappearuntoyou。DOGBERRYItshallbesuffigance。LEONATODrinksomewineereyougo：fareyouwell。
　　EnteraMessengerMessengerMylord，theystayforyoutogiveyourdaughtertoherhusband。LEONATOI’llwaituponthem：Iamready。
　　ExeuntLEONATOandMessengerDOGBERRYGo，goodpartner，go，getyoutoFrancisSeacole；
　　bidhimbringhispenandinkhorntothegaol：
　　wearenowtoexaminationthesemen。VERGESAndwemustdoitwisely。DOGBERRYWewillsparefornowit，Iwarrantyou；
　　here’sthatshalldrivesomeofthemtoanon-come：onlygetthelearnedwritertosetdownourexcommunicationandmeetmeatthegaol。
　　ExeuntACTIVSCENEI。Achurch。EnterDONPEDRO，DONJOHN，LEONATO，FRIARFRANCIS，CLAUDIO，BENEDICK，HERO，BEATRICE，andAttendantsLEONATOCome，FriarFrancis，bebrief；onlytotheplainformofmarriage，andyoushallrecounttheirparticulardutiesafterwards。FRIARFRANCISYoucomehither，mylord，tomarrythislady。CLAUDIONo。LEONATOTobemarriedtoher：friar，youcometomarryher。FRIARFRANCISLady，youcomehithertobemarriedtothiscount。HEROIdo。FRIARFRANCISIfeitherofyouknowanyinwardimpedimentwhyyoushouldnotbeconjoined，chargeyou，onyoursouls，toutterit。CLAUDIOKnowyouany，Hero？HERONone，mylord。FRIARFRANCISKnowyouany，count？LEONATOIdaremakehisanswer，none。CLAUDIOO，whatmendaredo！whatmenmaydo！
　　whatmendailydo，notknowingwhattheydo！BENEDICKHownow！interjections？Why，then，somebeoflaughing，as，ah，ha，he！CLAUDIOStandtheeby，friar。Father，byyourleave：
　　WillyouwithfreeandunconstrainedsoulGivemethismaid，yourdaughter？LEONATOAsfreely，son，asGoddidgiveherme。CLAUDIOAndwhathaveItogiveyouback，whoseworthMaycounterpoisethisrichandpreciousgift？DONPEDRONothing，unlessyourenderheragain。CLAUDIOSweetprince，youlearnmenoblethankfulness。
　　There，Leonato，takeherbackagain：
　　Givenotthisrottenorangetoyourfriend；
　　She’sbutthesignandsemblanceofherhonour。
　　Beholdhowlikeamaidsheblusheshere！
　　O，whatauthorityandshowoftruthCancunningsincoveritselfwithal！
　　ComesnotthatbloodasmodestevidenceTowitnesssimplevirtue？Wouldyounotswear，Allyouthatseeher，thatshewereamaid，Bytheseexteriorshows？Butsheisnone：
　　Sheknowstheheatofaluxuriousbed；
　　Herblushisguiltiness，notmodesty。LEONATOWhatdoyoumean，mylord？CLAUDIONottobemarried，Nottoknitmysoultoanapprovedwanton。LEONATODearmylord，ifyou，inyourownproof，Havevanquish’dtheresistanceofheryouth，Andmadedefeatofhervirginity，——CLAUDIOIknowwhatyouwouldsay：ifIhaveknownher，Youwillsayshedidembracemeasahusband，Andsoextenuatethe’forehandsin：
　　No，Leonato，Inevertemptedherwithwordtoolarge；
　　But，asabrothertohissister，show’dBashfulsincerityandcomelylove。HEROAndseem’dIeverotherwisetoyou？CLAUDIOOutonthee！Seeming！Iwillwriteagainstit：
　　YouseemtomeasDianinherorb，Aschasteasisthebudereitbeblown；
　　ButyouaremoreintemperateinyourbloodThanVenus，orthosepamper’danimalsThatrageinsavagesensuality。HEROIsmylordwell，thathedothspeaksowide？LEONATOSweetprince，whyspeaknotyou？DONPEDROWhatshouldIspeak？
　　Istanddishonour’d，thathavegoneaboutTolinkmydearfriendtoacommonstale。LEONATOArethesethingsspoken，ordoIbutdream？DONJOHNSir，theyarespoken，andthesethingsaretrue。BENEDICKThislooksnotlikeanuptial。HEROTrue！OGod！CLAUDIOLeonato，standIhere？
　　Isthistheprince？isthistheprince’sbrother？
　　IsthisfaceHero’s？areoureyesourown？LEONATOAllthisisso：butwhatofthis，mylord？CLAUDIOLetmebutmoveonequestiontoyourdaughter；
　　And，bythatfatherlyandkindlypowerThatyouhaveinher，bidheranswertruly。LEONATOIchargetheedoso，asthouartmychild。HEROO，Goddefendme！howamIbeset！
　　Whatkindofcatechisingcallyouthis？CLAUDIOTomakeyouanswertrulytoyourname。HEROIsitnotHero？WhocanblotthatnameWithanyjustreproach？CLAUDIOMarry，thatcanHero；
　　HeroitselfcanblotoutHero’svirtue。
　　Whatmanwashetalk’dwithyouyesternightOutatyourwindowbetwixttwelveandone？
　　Now，ifyouareamaid，answertothis。HEROItalk’dwithnomanatthathour，mylord。DONPEDROWhy，thenareyounomaiden。Leonato，Iamsorryyoumusthear：uponminehonour，Myself，mybrotherandthisgrievedcountDidseeher，hearher，atthathourlastnightTalkwitharuffianatherchamber-windowWhohathindeed，mostlikealiberalvillain，Confess’dthevileencounterstheyhavehadAthousandtimesinsecret。DONJOHNFie，fie！theyarenottobenamed，mylord，Nottobespokeof；
　　ThereisnotchastityenoughinlanguageWithoutoffencetoutterthem。Thus，prettylady，Iamsorryforthymuchmisgovernment。CLAUDIOOHero，whataHerohadstthoubeen，IfhalfthyoutwardgraceshadbeenplacedAboutthythoughtsandcounselsofthyheart！
　　Butfaretheewell，mostfoul，mostfair！farewell，Thoupureimpietyandimpiouspurity！
　　FortheeI’lllockupallthegatesoflove，Andonmyeyelidsshallconjecturehang，Toturnallbeautyintothoughtsofharm，Andnevershallitmorebegracious。LEONATOHathnoman’sdaggerhereapointforme？
　　HEROswoonsBEATRICEWhy，hownow，cousin！whereforesinkyoudown？DONJOHNCome，letusgo。Thesethings，comethustolight，Smotherherspiritsup。
　　ExeuntDONPEDRO，DONJOHN，andCLAUDIOBENEDICKHowdoththelady？BEATRICEDead，Ithink。Help，uncle！
　　Hero！why，Hero！Uncle！SigniorBenedick！Friar！LEONATOOFate！takenotawaythyheavyhand。
　　DeathisthefairestcoverforhershameThatmaybewish’dfor。BEATRICEHownow，cousinHero！FRIARFRANCISHavecomfort，lady。LEONATODostthoulookup？FRIARFRANCISYea，whereforeshouldshenot？LEONATOWherefore！Why，dothnoteveryearthlythingCryshameuponher？CouldsheheredenyThestorythatisprintedinherblood？
　　Donotlive，Hero；donotopethineeyes：
　　For，didIthinkthouwouldstnotquicklydie，ThoughtIthyspiritswerestrongerthanthyshames，Myselfwould，ontherearwardofreproaches，Strikeatthylife。GrievedI，Ihadbutone？
　　ChidIforthatatfrugalnature’sframe？
　　O，onetoomuchbythee！WhyhadIone？
　　Whyeverwastthoulovelyinmyeyes？
　　WhyhadInotwithcharitablehandTookupabeggar’sissueatmygates，Whosmirch’dthusandmiredwithinfamy，Imighthavesaid’Nopartofitismine；
　　Thisshamederivesitselffromunknownloins’？
　　ButmineandmineIlovedandmineIpraisedAndminethatIwasproudon，minesomuchThatImyselfwastomyselfnotmine，Valuingofher，——why，she，O，sheisfallenIntoapitofink，thatthewideseaHathdropstoofewtowashhercleanagainAndsalttoolittlewhichmayseasongiveToherfoul-taintedflesh！BENEDICKSir，sir，bepatient。
　　Formypart，Iamsoattiredinwonder，Iknownotwhattosay。BEATRICEO，onmysoul，mycousinisbelied！BENEDICKLady，wereyouherbedfellowlastnight？BEATRICENo，trulynot；although，untillastnight，Ihavethistwelvemonthbeenherbedfellow。LEONATOConfirm’d，confirm’d！O，thatisstrongermadeWhichwasbeforebarr’dupwithribsofiron！
　　Wouldthetwoprinceslie，andClaudiolie，Wholovedherso，that，speakingofherfoulness，Wash’ditwithtears？Hencefromher！letherdie。FRIARFRANCISHearmealittle；
　　ForIhaveonlybeensilentsolongAndgivenwayuntothiscourseoffortune。