Iwascompletelyfooledbythis，andfortwodaysshutmyselfupinmyownroomwheneverBerthawasabsent，thatImightintoxicatemyselfafreshwiththethoughtofthissceneandallitimplied。
　　Ishouldmentionthatduringthesetwomonths——whichseemedalonglifetomefromthenoveltyandintensityofthepleasuresandpainsIunderwent——mydiseasedanticipationinotherpeople’sconsciousnesscontinuedtotormentme；nowitwasmyfather，andnowmybrother，nowMrs。Filmoreorherhusband，andnowourGermancourier，whosestreamofthoughtrusheduponmelikearingingintheearsnottobegotridof，thoughitallowedmyownimpulsesandideastocontinuetheiruninterruptedcourse。Itwaslikeapreternaturallyheightenedsenseofhearing，makingaudibletoonearoarofsoundwhereothersfindperfectstillness。ThewearinessanddisgustofthisinvoluntaryintrusionintoothersoulswascounteractedonlybymyignoranceofBertha，andmygrowingpassionforher；apassionenormouslystimulated，ifnotproduced，bythatignorance。Shewasmyoasisofmysteryinthedrearydesertofknowledge。Ihadneverallowedmydiseasedconditiontobetrayitself，ortodrivemeintoanyunusualspeechoraction，exceptonce，when，inamomentofpeculiarbitternessagainstmybrother，IhadforestalledsomewordswhichIknewhewasgoingtoutter——acleverobservation，whichhehadpreparedbeforehand。Hehadoccasionallyaslightlyaffectedhesitationinhisspeech，andwhenhepausedaninstantafterthesecondword，myimpatienceandjealousyimpelledmetocontinuethespeechforhim，asifitweresomethingwehadbothlearnedbyrote。Hecolouredandlookedastonished，aswellasannoyed；andthewordshadnosoonerescapedmylipsthanIfeltashockofalarmlestsuchananticipationofwords——veryfarfrombeingwordsofcourse，easytodivine——shouldhavebetrayedmeasanexceptionalbeing，asortofquietenergumen，whomeveryone，Berthaaboveall，wouldshudderatandavoid。ButImagnified，asusual，theimpressionanywordordeedofminecouldproduceonothers；fornoonegaveanysignofhavingnoticedmyinterruptionasmorethanarudeness，tobeforgivenmeonthescoreofmyfeeblenervouscondition。
　　Whilethissuperaddedconsciousnessoftheactualwasalmostconstantwithme，IhadneverhadarecurrenceofthatdistinctprevisionwhichIhavedescribedinrelationtomyfirstinterviewwithBertha；andIwaswaitingwitheagercuriositytoknowwhetherornotmyvisionofPraguewouldprovetohavebeenaninstanceofthesamekind。Afewdaysaftertheincidentoftheopalring，wewerepayingoneofourfrequentvisitstotheLichtenbergPalace。
　　Icouldneverlookatmanypicturesinsuccession；forpictures，whentheyareatallpowerful，affectmesostronglythatoneortwoexhaustallmycapabilityofcontemplation。ThismorningIhadbeenlookingatGiorgione’spictureofthecruel-eyedwoman，saidtobealikenessofLucreziaBorgia。Ihadstoodlongalonebeforeit，fascinatedbytheterriblerealityofthatcunning，relentlessface，tillIfeltastrangepoisonedsensation，asifIhadlongbeeninhalingafatalodour，andwasjustbeginningtobeconsciousofitseffects。PerhapseventhenIshouldnothavemovedaway，iftherestofthepartyhadnotreturnedtothisroom，andannouncedthattheyweregoingtotheBelvedereGallerytosettleabetwhichhadarisenbetweenmybrotherandMr。Filmoreaboutaportrait。I
　　followedthemdreamily，andwashardlyalivetowhatoccurredtilltheyhadallgoneuptothegallery，leavingmebelow；forI
　　refusedtocomewithinsightofanotherpicturethatday。ImademywaytotheGrandTerrace，sinceitwasagreedthatweshouldsaunterinthegardenswhenthedisputehadbeendecided。Ihadbeensittinghereashortspace，vaguelyconsciousoftrimgardens，withacityandgreenhillsinthedistance，when，wishingtoavoidtheproximityofthesentinel，Iroseandwalkeddownthebroadstonesteps，intendingtoseatmyselffartheroninthegardens。
　　JustasIreachedthegravel-walk，Ifeltanarmslippedwithinmine，andalighthandgentlypressingmywrist。Inthesameinstantastrangeintoxicatingnumbnesspassedoverme，likethecontinuanceorclimaxofthesensationIwasstillfeelingfromthegazeofLucreziaBorgia。Thegardens，thesummersky，theconsciousnessofBertha’sarmbeingwithinmine，allvanished，andIseemedtobesuddenlyindarkness，outofwhichtheregraduallybrokeadimfirelight，andIfeltmyselfsittinginmyfather’sleatherchairinthelibraryathome。Iknewthefireplace——thedogsforthewood-fire——theblackmarblechimney-piecewiththewhitemarblemedallionofthedyingCleopatrainthecentre。
　　Intenseandhopelessmiserywaspressingonmysoul；thelightbecamestronger，forBerthawasenteringwithacandleinherhand——
　　Bertha，mywife——withcrueleyes，withgreenjewelsandgreenleavesonherwhiteball-dress；everyhatefulthoughtwithinherpresenttome……"Madman，idiot！whydon’tyoukillyourself，then？"Itwasamomentofhell。Isawintoherpitilesssoul——sawitsbarrenworldliness，itsscorchinghate——andfeltitclothemeroundlikeanairIwasobligedtobreathe。Shecamewithhercandleandstoodovermewithabittersmileofcontempt；Isawthegreatemeraldbroochonherbosom，astuddedserpentwithdiamondeyes。Ishuddered——Idespisedthiswomanwiththebarrensoulandmeanthoughts；butIfelthelplessbeforeher，asifsheclutchedmybleedingheart，andwouldclutchittillthelastdropoflife-
　　bloodebbedaway。Shewasmywife，andwehatedeachother。
　　Graduallythehearth，thedimlibrary，thecandle-lightdisappeared——seemedtomeltawayintoabackgroundoflight，thegreenserpentwiththediamondeyesremainingadarkimageontheretina。ThenIhadasenseofmyeyelidsquivering，andthelivingdaylightbrokeinuponme；Isawgardens，andheardvoices；IwasseatedonthestepsoftheBelvedereTerrace，andmyfriendswereroundme。
　　ThetumultofmindintowhichIwasthrownbythishideousvisionmademeillforseveraldays，andprolongedourstayatVienna。I
　　shudderedwithhorrorasthescenerecurredtome；anditrecurredconstantly，withallitsminutiae，asiftheyhadbeenburntintomymemory；andyet，suchisthemadnessofthehumanheartundertheinfluenceofitsimmediatedesires，Ifeltawildhell-bravingjoythatBerthawastobemine；forthefulfilmentofmyformerprevisionconcerningherfirstappearancebeforeme，leftmelittlehopethatthislasthideousglimpseofthefuturewasthemerediseasedplayofmyownmind，andhadnorelationtoexternalrealities。OnethingaloneIlookedtowardsasapossiblemeansofcastingdoubtonmyterribleconviction——thediscoverythatmyvisionofPraguehadbeenfalse——andPraguewasthenextcityonourroute。
　　Meanwhile，IwasnosoonerinBertha’ssocietyagainthanIwasascompletelyunderherswayasbefore。WhatifIsawintotheheartofBertha，thematuredwoman——Bertha，mywife？Bertha，theGIRL，wasafascinatingsecrettomestill：Itrembledunderhertouch；
　　Ifeltthewitcheryofherpresence；Iyearnedtobeassuredofherlove。Thefearofpoisonisfeebleagainstthesenseofthirst。
　　Nay，Iwasjustasjealousofmybrotherasbefore——justasmuchirritatedbyhissmallpatronizingways；formypride，mydiseasedsensibility，werethereastheyhadalwaysbeen，andwincedasinevitablyundereveryoffenceasmyeyewincedfromanintrudingmote。Thefuture，evenwhenbroughtwithinthecompassoffeelingbyavisionthatmademeshudder，hadstillnomorethantheforceofanidea，comparedwiththeforceofpresentemotion——ofmyloveforBertha，ofmydislikeandjealousytowardsmybrother。
　　Itisanoldstory，thatmensellthemselvestothetempter，andsignabondwiththeirblood，becauseitisonlytotakeeffectatadistantday；thenrushontosnatchthecuptheirsoulsthirstafterwithanimpulsenotthelesssavagebecausethereisadarkshadowbesidethemforevermore。Thereisnoshortcut，nopatenttram-road，towisdom：afterallthecenturiesofinvention，thesoul’spathliesthroughthethornywildernesswhichmustbestilltroddeninsolitude，withbleedingfeet，withsobsforhelp，asitwastroddenbythemofoldtime。
　　MymindspeculatedeagerlyonthemeansbywhichIshouldbecomemybrother’ssuccessfulrival，forIwasstilltootimid，inmyignoranceofBertha’sactualfeeling，toventureonanystepthatwouldurgefromheranavowalofit。IthoughtIshouldgainconfidenceevenforthis，ifmyvisionofPragueprovedtohavebeenveracious；andyet，thehorrorofthatcertitude！BehindtheslimgirlBertha，whosewordsandlooksIwatchedfor，whosetouchwasbliss，therestoodcontinuallythatBerthawiththefullerform，thehardereyes，themorerigidmouth——withthebarren，selfishsoullaidbare；nolongerafascinatingsecret，butameasuredfact，urgingitselfperpetuallyonmyunwillingsight。
　　Areyouunabletogivemeyoursympathy——youwhoreactthis？Areyouunabletoimaginethisdoubleconsciousnessatworkwithinme，flowingonliketwoparallelstreamswhichnevermingletheirwatersandblendintoacommonhue？Yetyoumusthaveknownsomethingofthepresentimentsthatspringfromaninsightatwarwithpassion；andmyvisionswereonlylikepresentimentsintensifiedtohorror。Youhaveknownthepowerlessnessofideasbeforethemightofimpulse；andmyvisions，whenoncetheyhadpassedintomemory，weremereideas——paleshadowsthatbeckonedinvain，whilemyhandwasgraspedbythelivingandtheloved。
　　Inafter-daysIthoughtwithbitterregretthatifIhadforeseensomethingmoreorsomethingdifferent——ifinsteadofthathideousvisionwhichpoisonedthepassionitcouldnotdestroy，orifevenalongwithitIcouldhavehadaforeshadowingofthatmomentwhenIlookedonmybrother’sfaceforthelasttime，somesofteninginfluencewouldhavebeenshedovermyfeelingtowardshim：prideandhatredwouldsurelyhavebeensubduedintopity，andtherecordofthosehiddensinswouldhavebeenshortened。Butthisisoneofthevainthoughtswithwhichwemenflatterourselves。Wetrytobelievethattheegoismwithinuswouldhaveeasilybeenmelted，andthatitwasonlythenarrownessofourknowledgewhichhemmedinourgenerosity，ourawe，ourhumanpiety，andhinderedthemfromsubmergingourhardindifferencetothesensationsandemotionsofourfellows。Ourtendernessandself-renunciationseemstrongwhenouregoismhashaditsday——when，afterourmeanstrivingforatriumphthatistobeanother’sloss，thetriumphcomessuddenly，andweshudderatit，becauseitisheldoutbythechillhandofdeath。
　　OurarrivalinPraguehappenedatnight，andIwasgladofthis，foritseemedlikeadeferringofaterriblydecisivemoment，tobeinthecityforhourswithoutseeingit。AswewerenottoremainlonginPrague，buttogoonspeedilytoDresden，itwasproposedthatweshoulddriveoutthenextmorningandtakeageneralviewoftheplace，aswellasvisitsomeofitsspeciallyinterestingspots，beforetheheatbecameoppressive——forwewereinAugust，andtheseasonwashotanddry。Butithappenedthattheladieswereratherlateattheirmorningtoilet，andtomyfather’spolitely-repressedbutperceptibleannoyance，wewerenotinthecarriagetillthemorningwasfaradvanced。Ithoughtwithasenseofrelief，asweenteredtheJews’quarter，whereweweretovisittheoldsynagogue，thatweshouldbekeptinthisflat，shut-uppartofthecity，untilweshouldallbetootiredandtoowarmtogofarther，andsoweshouldreturnwithoutseeingmorethanthestreetsthroughwhichwehadalreadypassed。Thatwouldgivemeanotherday’ssuspense——suspense，theonlyforminwhichafearfulspiritknowsthesolaceofhope。But，asIstoodundertheblackened，groinedarchesofthatoldsynagogue，madedimlyvisiblebytheseventhincandlesinthesacredlamp，whileourJewishciceronereacheddowntheBookoftheLaw，andreadtousinitsancienttongue——Ifeltashudderingimpressionthatthisstrangebuilding，withitsshrunkenlights，thissurvivingwitheredremnantofmedievalJudaism，wasofapiecewithmyvision。ThosedarkeneddustyChristiansaints，withtheirloftierarchesandtheirlargercandles，neededtheconsolatoryscornwithwhichtheymightpointtoamoreshrivelleddeath-in-lifethantheirown。
　　AsIexpected，whenwelefttheJews’quartertheeldersofourpartywishedtoreturntothehotel。Butnow，insteadofrejoicinginthis，asIhaddonebeforehand，Ifeltasuddenoverpoweringimpulsetogoonatoncetothebridge，andputanendtothesuspenseIhadbeenwishingtoprotract。Ideclared，withunusualdecision，thatIwouldgetoutofthecarriageandwalkonalone；
　　theymightreturnwithoutme。Myfather，thinkingthismerelyasampleofmyusual"poeticnonsense，"objectedthatIshouldonlydomyselfharmbywalkingintheheat；butwhenIpersisted，hesaidangrilythatImightfollowmyownabsurddevices，butthatSchmidt（ourcourier）mustgowithme。Iassentedtothis，andsetoffwithSchmidttowardsthebridge。Ihadnosoonerpassedfromunderthearchwayofthegrandoldgateleadingantothebridge，thanatremblingseizedme，andIturnedcoldunderthemid-daysun；yetIwenton；Iwasinsearchofsomething——asmalldetailwhichIrememberedwithspecialintensityaspartofmyvision。
　　Thereitwas——thepatchofrainbowlightonthepavementtransmittedthroughalampintheshapeofastar。
　　CHAPTERII
　　Beforetheautumnwasatanend，andwhilethebrownleavesstillstoodthickonthebeechesinourpark，mybrotherandBerthawereengagedtoeachother，anditwasunderstoodthattheirmarriagewastotakeplaceearlyinthenextspring。InspiteofthecertaintyIhadfeltfromthatmomentonthebridgeatPrague，thatBerthawouldonedaybemywife，myconstitutionaltimidityanddistrusthadcontinuedtobenumbme，andthewordsinwhichIhadsometimespremeditatedaconfessionofmylove，haddiedawayunuttered。Thesameconflicthadgoneonwithinmeasbefore——thelongingforanassuranceoflovefromBertha’slips，thedreadlestawordofcontemptanddenialshouldfalluponmelikeacorrosiveacid。Whatwastheconvictionofadistantnecessitytome？ltrembledunderapresentglance，Ihungeredafterapresentjoy，I
　　wascloggedandchilledbyapresentfear。Andsothedayspassedon：IwitnessedBertha’sengagementandheardhermarriagediscussedasifIwereunderaconsciousnightmare——knowingitwasadreamthatwouldvanish，butfeelingstifledunderthegraspofhard-clutchingfingers。
　　WhenIwasnotinBertha’spresence——andIwaswithherveryoften，forshecontinuedtotreatmewithaplayfulpatronagethatwakenednojealousyinmybrother——Ispentmytimechieflyinwandering，instrolling，ortakinglongrideswhilethedaylightlasted，andthenshuttingmyselfupwithmyunreadbooks；forbookshadlostthepowerofchainingmyattention。Myself-consciousnesswasheightenedtothatpitchofintensityinwhichourownemotionstaketheformofadramawhichurgesitselfimperativelyonourcontemplation，andwebegintoweep，lessunderthesenseofoursufferingthanatthethoughtofit。Ifeltasortofpityinganguishoverthepathosofmyownlot：thelotofabeingfinelyorganizedforpain，butwithhardlyanyfibresthatrespondedtopleasure——towhomtheideaoffutureevilrobbedthepresentofitsjoy，andforwhomtheideaoffuturegooddidnotstilltheuneasinessofapresentyearningorapresentdread。Iwentdumblythroughthatstageofthepoet’ssuffering，inwhichhefeelsthedeliciouspangofutterance，andmakesanimageofhissorrows。
　　Iwasleftentirelywithoutremonstranceconcerningthisdreamywaywardlife：Iknewmyfather’sthoughtaboutme："Thatladwillneverbegoodforanythinginlife：hemaywastehisyearsinaninsignificantwayontheincomethatfallstohim：Ishallnottroublemyselfaboutacareerforhim。"
　　OnemildmorninginthebeginningofNovember，ithappenedthatI
　　wasstandingoutsidetheporticopattinglazyoldCaesar，aNewfoundlandalmostblindwithage，theonlydogthatevertookanynoticeofme——fortheverydogsshunnedme，andfawnedonthehappierpeopleaboutme——whenthegroombroughtupmybrother’shorsewhichwastocarryhimtothehunt，andmybrotherhimselfappearedatthedoor，florid，broad-chested，andself-complacent，feelingwhatagood-naturedfellowhewasnottobehaveinsolentlytousallonthestrengthofhisgreatadvantages。
　　"Latimer，oldboy，"hesaidtomeinatoneofcompassionatecordiality，"whatapityitisyoudon’thavearunwiththehoundsnowandthen！Thefinestthingintheworldforlowspirits！"
　　"Lowspirits！"Ithoughtbitterly，asherodeaway；"thatisthesortofphrasewithwhichcoarse，narrownatureslikeyoursthinktodescribeexperienceofwhichyoucanknownomorethanyourhorseknows。Itistosuchasyouthatthegoodofthisworldfalls：readydulness，healthyselfishness，good-temperedconceit——
　　thesearethekeystohappiness。"
　　Thequickthoughtcame，thatmyselfishnesswasevenstrongerthanhis——itwasonlyasufferingselfishnessinsteadofanenjoyingone。Butthen，again，myexasperatinginsightintoAlfred’sself-
　　complacentsoul，hisfreedomfromallthedoubtsandfears，theunsatisfiedyearnings，theexquisitetorturesofsensitiveness，thathadmadethewebofmylife，seemedtoabsolvemefromallbondstowardshim。Thismanneedednopity，nolove；thosefineinfluenceswouldhavebeenaslittlefeltbyhimasthedelicatewhitemistisfeltbytherockitcaresses。TherewasnoevilinstoreforHIM：ifhewasnottomarryBertha，itwouldbebecausehehadfoundalotpleasantertohimself。
　　Mr。Filmore’shouselaynotmorethanhalfamilebeyondourowngates，andwheneverIknewmybrotherwasgoneinanotherdirection，IwentthereforthechanceoffindingBerthaathome。
　　LateroninthedayIwalkedthither。Byarareaccidentshewasalone，andwewalkedoutinthegroundstogether，forsheseldomwentonfootbeyondthetrimly-sweptgravel-walks。IrememberwhatabeautifulsylphshelookedtomeasthelowNovembersunshoneonherblondhair，andshetrippedalongteasingmewithherusuallightbanter，towhichIlistenedhalffondly，halfmoodily；itwasallthesignBertha’smysteriousinnerselfevermadetome。To-
　　dayperhaps，themoodinesspredominated，forIhadnotyetshakenofftheaccessofjealoushatewhichmybrotherhadraisedinmebyhispartingpatronage。SuddenlyIinterruptedandstartledherbysaying，almostfiercely，"Bertha，howcanyouloveAlfred？"