Shelookedatmewithsurpriseforamoment，butsoonherlightsmilecameagain，andsheansweredsarcastically，"WhydoyousupposeIlovehim？"
　　"Howcanyouaskthat，Bertha？"
　　"What！yourwisdomthinksImustlovethemanI’mgoingtomarry？
　　Themostunpleasantthingintheworld。Ishouldquarrelwithhim；
　　Ishouldbejealousofhim；ourmenagewouldbeconductedinaveryill-bredmanner。Alittlequietcontemptcontributesgreatlytotheeleganceoflife。"
　　"Bertha，thatisnotyourrealfeeling。Whydoyoudelightintryingtodeceivemebyinventingsuchcynicalspeeches？"
　　"Ineednevertakethetroubleofinventioninordertodeceiveyou，mysmallTasso"——（thatwasthemockingnamesheusuallygaveme）。"Theeasiestwaytodeceiveapoetistotellhimthetruth。"
　　Shewastestingthevalidityofherepigraminadaringway，andforamomenttheshadowofmyvision——theBerthawhosesoulwasnosecrettome——passedbetweenmeandtheradiantgirl，theplayfulsylphwhosefeelingswereafascinatingmystery。IsupposeImusthaveshuddered，orbetrayedinsomeotherwaymymomentarychillofhorror。
　　"Tasso！"shesaid，seizingmywrist，andpeepingroundintomyface，"areyoureallybeginningtodiscernwhataheartlessgirlI
　　am？Why，youarenothalfthepoetIthoughtyouwere；youareactuallycapableofbelievingthetruthaboutme。"
　　Theshadowpassedfrombetweenus，andwasnolongertheobjectnearesttome。Thegirlwhoselightfingersgraspedme，whoseelfishcharmingfacelookedintomine——who，Ithought，wasbetrayinganinterestinmyfeelingsthatshewouldnothavedirectlyavowed，——thiswarmbreathingpresenceagainpossessedmysensesandimaginationlikeareturningsirenmelodywhichhadbeenoverpoweredforaninstantbytheroarofthreateningwaves。Itwasamomentasdelicioustomeasthewakinguptoaconsciousnessofyouthafteradreamofmiddleage。Iforgoteverythingbutmypassion，andsaidwithswimmingeyes-
　　"Bertha，shallyoulovemewhenwearefirstmarried？Iwouldn’tmindifyoureallylovedmeonlyforalittlewhile。"
　　Herlookofastonishment，assheloosedmyhandandstartedawayfromme，recalledmetoasenseofmystrange，mycriminalindiscretion。
　　"Forgiveme，"Isaid，hurriedly，assoonasIcouldspeakagain；"I
　　didnotknowwhatIwassaying。"
　　"Ah，Tasso’smadfithascomeon，Isee，"sheansweredquietly，forshehadrecoveredherselfsoonerthanIhad。"Lethimgohomeandkeephisheadcool。Imustgoin，forthesunissetting。"
　　Ilefther——fullofindignationagainstmyself。Ihadletslipwordswhich，ifshereflectedonthem，mightrouseinherasuspicionofmyabnormalmentalcondition——asuspicionwhichofallthingsIdreaded。Andbesidesthat，IwasashamedoftheapparentbasenessIhadcommittedinutteringthemtomybrother’sbetrothedwife。Iwanderedhomeslowly，enteringourparkthroughaprivategateinsteadofbythelodges。AsIapproachedthehouse，Isawamandashingoffatfullspeedfromthestable-yardacrossthepark。
　　Hadanyaccidenthappenedathome？No；perhapsitwasonlyoneofmyfather’speremptorybusinesserrandsthatrequiredthisheadlonghaste。
　　NeverthelessIquickenedmypacewithoutanydistinctmotive，andwassoonatthehouse。IwillnotdwellonthesceneIfoundthere。Mybrotherwasdead——hadbeenpitchedfromhishorse，andkilledonthespotbyaconcussionofthebrain。
　　Iwentuptotheroomwherehelay，andwheremyfatherwasseatedbesidehimwithalookofrigiddespair。Ihadshunnedmyfathermorethananyonesinceourreturnhome，fortheradicalantipathybetweenournaturesmademyinsightintohisinnerselfaconstantafflictiontome。Butnow，asIwentuptohim，andstoodbesidehiminsadsilence，Ifeltthepresenceofanewelementthatblendedusaswehadneverbeenblentbefore。Myfatherhadbeenoneofthemostsuccessfulmeninthemoney-gettingworld：hehadhadnosentimentalsufferings，noillness。Theheaviesttroublethathadbefallenhimwasthedeathofhisfirstwife。Buthemarriedmymothersoonafter；andIrememberheseemedexactlythesame，tomykeenchildishobservation，theweekafterherdeathasbefore。Butnow，atlast，asorrowhadcome——thesorrowofoldage，whichsuffersthemorefromthecrushingofitsprideanditshopes，inproportionastheprideandhopearenarrowandprosaic。
　　Hissonwastohavebeenmarriedsoon——wouldprobablyhavestoodfortheboroughatthenextelection。Thatson’sexistencewasthebestmotivethatcouldbeallegedformakingnewpurchasesoflandeveryyeartoroundofftheestate。Itisadrearythingontoliveondoingthesamethingsyearafteryear，withoutknowingwhywedothem。Perhapsthetragedyofdisappointedyouthandpassionislesspiteousthanthetragedyofdisappointedageandworldliness。
　　AsIsawintothedesolationofmyfather’sheart，Ifeltamovementofdeeppitytowardshim，whichwasthebeginningofanewaffection——anaffectionthatgrewandstrengthenedinspiteofthestrangebitternesswithwhichheregardedmeinthefirstmonthortwoaftermybrother’sdeath。Ifithadnotbeenforthesofteninginfluenceofmycompassionforhim——thefirstdeepcompassionIhadeverfelt——Ishouldhavebeenstungbytheperceptionthatmyfathertransferredtheinheritanceofaneldestsontomewithamortifiedsensethatfatehadcompelledhimtotheunwelcomecourseofcaringformeasanimportantbeing。Itwasonlyinspiteofhimselfthathebegantothinkofmewithanxiousregard。Thereishardlyanyneglectedchildforwhomdeathhasmadevacantamorefavouredplace，whowillnotunderstandwhatImean。
　　Gradually，however，mynewdeferencetohiswishes，theeffectofthatpatiencewhichwasbornofmypityforhim，wonuponhisaffection，andhebegantopleasehimselfwiththeendeavourtomakemefillanybrother’splaceasfullyasmyfeeblerpersonalitywouldadmit。IsawthattheprospectwhichbyandbypresenteditselfofmybecomingBertha’shusbandwaswelcometohim，andheevencontemplatedinmycasewhathehadnotintendedinmybrother’s——thathissonanddaughter-in-lawshouldmakeonehouseholdwithhim。MysoftenedfeelingstowardsmyfathermadethisthehappiesttimeIhadknownsincechildhood；——theselastmonthsinwhichIretainedthedeliciousillusionoflovingBertha，oflonginganddoubtingandhopingthatshemightloveme。Shebehavedwithacertainnewconsciousnessanddistancetowardsmeaftermybrother’sdeath；andItoowasunderadoubleconstraint——
　　thatofdelicacytowardsmybrother’smemoryandofanxietyastotheimpressionmyabruptwordshadleftonhermind。Buttheadditionalscreenthismutualreserveerectedbetweenusonlybroughtmemorecompletelyunderherpower：nomatterhowemptytheadytum，sothattheveilbethickenough。Soabsoluteisoursoul’sneedofsomethinghiddenanduncertainforthemaintenanceofthatdoubtandhopeandeffortwhicharethebreathofitslife，thatifthewholefuturewerelaidbaretousbeyondto-day，theinterestofallmankindwouldbebentonthehoursthatliebetween；weshouldpantaftertheuncertaintiesofouronemorningandouroneafternoon；weshouldrushfiercelytotheExchangeforourlastpossibilityofspeculation，ofsuccess，ofdisappointment：
　　weshouldhaveaglutofpoliticalprophetsforetellingacrisisorano-crisiswithintheonlytwenty-fourhoursleftopentoprophecy。Conceivetheconditionofthehumanmindifallpropositionswhatsoeverwereself-evidentexceptone，whichwastobecomeself-evidentatthecloseofasummer’sday，butinthemeantimemightbethesubjectofquestion，ofhypothesis，ofdebate。Artandphilosophy，literatureandscience，wouldfastenlikebeesonthatonepropositionwhichhadthehoneyofprobabilityinit，andbethemoreeagerbecausetheirenjoymentwouldendwithsunset。Ourimpulses，ourspiritualactivities，nomoreadjustthemselvestotheideaoftheirfuturenullity，thanthebeatingofourheart，ortheirritabilityofourmuscles。
　　Bertha，theslim，fair-hairedgirl，whosepresentthoughtsandemotionswereanenigmatomeamidstthefatiguingobviousnessoftheothermindsaroundme，wasasabsorbingtomeasasingleunknownto-day——asasinglehypotheticpropositiontoremainproblematictillsunset；andallthecramped，hemmed-inbeliefanddisbelief，trustanddistrust，ofmynature，welledoutinthisonenarrowchannel。
　　Andshemademebelievethatshelovedme。WithouteverquittinghertoneofBADINAGEandplayfulsuperiority，sheintoxicatedmewiththesensethatIwasnecessarytoher，thatshewasneveratease，unlessIwasnearher，submittingtoherplayfultyranny。Itcostsawomansolittleefforttobesetusinthisway！Ahalf-
　　repressedword，amoment’sunexpectedsilence，evenaneasyfitofpetulanceonouraccount，willserveusashashishforalongwhile。Outofthesubtlestwebofscarcelyperceptiblesigns，shesetmeweavingthefancythatshehadalwaysunconsciouslylovedmebetterthanAlfred，butthat，withtheignorantflutteredsensibilityofayounggirl，shehadbeenimposedonbythecharmthatlayforherinthedistinctionofbeingadmiredandchosenbyamanwhomadesobrilliantafigureintheworldasmybrother。
　　Shesatirizedherselfinaverygracefulwayforhervanityandambition。WhatwasittomethatIhadthelightofmywretchedprovisiononthefactthatnowitwasIwhopossessedatleastallbutthepersonalpartofmybrother’sadvantages？Oursweetillusionsarehalfofthemconsciousillusions，likeeffectsofcolourthatweknowtobemadeupoftinsel，brokenglass，andrags。
　　WeweremarriedeighteenmonthsafterAlfred’sdeath，onecold，clearmorninginApril，whentherecamehailandsunshinebothtogether；andBertha，inherwhitesilkandpale-greenleaves，andthepalehuesofherhairandface，lookedlikethespiritofthemorning。Myfatherwashappierthanhehadthoughtofbeingagain：
　　mymarriage，hefeltsure，wouldcompletethedesirablemodificationofmycharacter，andmakemepracticalandworldlyenoughtotakemyplaceinsocietyamongsanemen。ForhedelightedinBertha’stactandacuteness，andfeltsureshewouldbemistressofme，andmakemewhatshechose：Iwasonlytwenty-
　　one，andmadlyinlovewithher。Poorfather！Hekeptthathopealittlewhileafterourfirstyearofmarriage，anditwasnotquiteextinctwhenparalysiscameandsavedhimfromutterdisappointment。
　　Ishallhurrythroughtherestofmystory，notdwellingsomuchasIhavehithertodoneonmyinwardexperience。Whenpeoplearewellknowntoeachother，theytalkratherofwhatbefallsthemexternally，leavingtheirfeelingsandsentimentstobeinferred。
　　Welivedinaroundofvisitsforsometimeafterourreturnhome，givingsplendiddinner-parties，andmakingasensationinourneighbourhoodbythenewlustreofourequipage，formyfatherhadreservedthisdisplayofhisincreasedwealthfortheperiodofhisson’smarriage；andwegaveouracquaintancesliberalopportunityforremarkingthatitwasapityImadesopoorafigureasanheirandabridegroom。Thenervousfatigueofthisexistence，theinsinceritiesandplatitudeswhichIhadtolivethroughtwiceover——throughmyinnerandoutwardsense——wouldhavebeenmaddeningtome，ifIhadnothadthatsortofintoxicatedcallousnesswhichcamefromthedelightsofafirstpassion。Abrideandbridegroom，surroundedbyalltheappliancesofwealth，hurriedthroughthedaybythewhirlofsociety，fillingtheirsolitarymomentswithhastily-snatchedcaresses，arepreparedfortheirfuturelifetogetherasthenoviceispreparedforthecloister——byexperiencingitsutmostcontrast。
　　Throughallthesecrowdedexcitedmonths，Bertha’sinwardselfremainedshroudedfromme，andIstillreadherthoughtsonlythroughthelanguageofherlipsanddemeanour：IhadstillthehumaninterestofwonderingwhetherwhatIdidandsaidpleasedher，oflongingtohearawordofaffection，ofgivingadeliciousexaggerationofmeaningtohersmile。ButIwasconsciousofagrowingdifferenceinhermannertowardsme；sometimesstrongenoughtobecalledhaughtycoldness，cuttingandchillingmeasthehailhaddonethatcameacrossthesunshineonourmarriagemorning；sometimesonlyperceptibleinthedexterousavoidanceofatete-a-tetewalkordinnertowhichIhadbeenlookingforward。I
　　hadbeendeeplypainedbythis——hadevenfeltasortofcrushingoftheheart，fromthesensethatmybriefdayofhappinesswasnearitssetting；butstillIremaineddependentonBertha，eagerforthelastraysofablissthatwouldsoonbegoneforever，hopingandwatchingforsomeafter-glowmorebeautifulfromtheimpendingnight。
　　Iremember——howshouldInotremember？——thetimewhenthatdependenceandhopeutterlyleftme，whenthesadnessIhadfeltinBertha’sgrowingestrangementbecameajoythatIlookedbackuponwithlongingasamanmightlookbackonthelastpainsinaparalysedlimb。Itwasjustafterthecloseofmyfather’slastillness，whichhadnecessarilywithdrawnusfromsocietyandthrownusmoreoneachother。Itwastheeveningoffather’sdeath。OnthateveningtheveilwhichhadshroudedBertha’ssoulfromme——hadmademefindinheraloneamongmyfellow-beingstheblessedpossibilityofmystery，anddoubt，andexpectation——wasfirstwithdrawn。Perhapsitwasthefirstdaysincethebeginningofmypassionforher，inwhichthatpassionwascompletelyneutralizedbythepresenceofanabsorbingfeelingofanotherkind。Ihadbeenwatchingbymyfather’sdeathbed：Ihadbeenwitnessingthelastfitfulyearningglancehissoulhadcastbackonthespentinheritanceoflife——thelastfaintconsciousnessoflovehehadgatheredfromthepressureofmyhand。Whatareallourpersonalloveswhenwehavebeensharinginthatsupremeagony？Inthefirstmomentswhenwecomeawayfromthepresenceofdeath，everyotherrelationtothelivingismerged，toourfeeling，inthegreatrelationofacommonnatureandacommondestiny。
　　InthatstateofmindIjoinedBerthainherprivatesitting-room。
　　Shewasseatedinaleaningpostureonasettee，withherbacktowardsthedoor；thegreatrichcoilsofherpaleblondhairsurmountinghersmallneck，visibleabovethebackofthesettee。
　　Iremember，asIclosedthedoorbehindme，acoldtremulousnessseizingme，andavaguesenseofbeinghatedandlonely——vagueandstrong，likeapresentiment。IknowhowIlookedatthatmoment，forIsawmyselfinBertha’sthoughtassheliftedhercuttinggreyeyes，andlookedatme：amiserableghost-seer，surroundedbyphantomsinthenoonday，tremblingunderabreezewhentheleaveswerestill，withoutappetiteforthecommonobjectsofhumandesires，butpiningafterthemoon-beams。Wewerefronttofrontwitheachother，andjudgedeachother。Theterriblemomentofcompleteilluminationhadcometome，andIsawthatthedarknesshadhiddennolandscapefromme，butonlyablankprosaicwall：
　　fromthateveningforth，throughthesickeningyearswhichfollowed，Isawallroundthenarrowroomofthiswoman’ssoul——sawpettyartificeandmerenegationwhereIhaddelightedtobelieveincoysensibilitiesandinwitatwarwithlatentfeeling——sawthelightfloatingvanitiesofthegirldefiningthemselvesintothesystematiccoquetry，theschemingselfishness，ofthewoman——sawrepulsionandantipathyhardenintocruelhatred，givingpainonlyforthesakeofwreakingitself。
　　ForBerthatoo，afterherkind，feltthebitternessofdisillusion。
　　Shehadbelievedthatmywildpoet’spassionforherwouldmakemeherslave；andthat，beingherslave，Ishouldexecuteherwillinallthings。Withtheessentialshallownessofanegative，unimaginativenature，shewasunabletoconceivethefactthatsensibilitieswereanythingelsethanweaknesses。Shehadthoughtmyweaknesseswouldputmeinherpower，andshefoundthemunmanageableforces。Ourpositionswerereversed。Beforemarriageshehadcompletelymasteredmyimagination，forshewasasecrettome；andIcreatedtheunknownthoughtbeforewhichItrembledasifitwerehers。Butnowthathersoulwaslaidopentome，nowthatIwascompelledtosharetheprivacyofhermotives，tofollowallthepettydevicesthatprecededherwordsandacts，shefoundherselfpowerlesswithme，excepttoproduceinmethechillshudderofrepulsion——powerless，becauseIcouldbeactedonbynoleverwithinherreach。Iwasdeadtoworldlyambitions，tosocialvanities，toalltheincentiveswithinthecompassofhernarrowimagination，andIlivedunderinfluencesutterlyinvisibletoher。
　　Shewasreallypitiabletohavesuchahusband，andsoalltheworldthought。Agraceful，brilliantwoman，likeBertha，whosmiledonmorningcallers，madeafigureinball-rooms，andwascapableofthatlightreparteewhich，fromsuchawoman，isacceptedaswit，wassecureofcarryingoffallsympathyfromahusbandwhowassickly，abstracted，and，assomesuspected，crack-
　　brained。Eventheservantsinourhousegaveherthebalanceoftheirregardandpity。Fortherewerenoaudiblequarrelsbetweenus；ouralienation，ourrepulsionfromeachother，laywithinthesilenceofourownhearts；andifthemistresswentoutagreatdeal，andseemedtodislikethemaster’ssociety，wasitnotnatural，poorthing？Themasterwasodd。Iwaskindandjusttomydependants，butIexcitedinthemashrinking，half-contemptuouspity；forthisclassofmenandwomenarebutslightlydeterminedintheirestimateofothersbygeneralconsiderations，orevenexperience，ofcharacter。Theyjudgeofpersonsastheyjudgeofcoins，andvaluethosewhopasscurrentatahighrate。
　　AfteratimeIinterferedsolittlewithBertha’shabitsthatitmightseemwonderfulhowherhatredtowardsmecouldgrowsointenseandactiveasitdid。Butshehadbeguntosuspect，bysomeinvoluntarybetrayalofmine，thattherewasanabnormalpowerofpenetrationinme——thatfitfully，atleast，Iwasstrangelycognizantofherthoughtsandintentions，andshebegantobehauntedbyaterrorofme，whichalternatedeverynowandthenwithdefiance。Shemeditatedcontinuallyhowtheincubuscouldbeshakenoffherlife——howshecouldbefreedfromthishatefulbondtoabeingwhomsheatoncedespisedasanimbecile，anddreadedasaninquisitor。Foralongwhileshelivedinthehopethatmyevidentwretchednesswoulddrivemetothecommissionofsuicide；