butsuicidewasnotinmynature。IwastoocompletelyswayedbythesensethatIwasinthegraspofunknownforces，tobelieveinmypowerofself-release。TowardsmyowndestinyIhadbecomeentirelypassive；formyoneardentdesirehadspentitself，andimpulsenolongerpredominatedoverknowledge。ForthisreasonI
　　neverthoughtoftakinganystepstowardsacompleteseparation，whichwouldhavemadeouralienationevidenttotheworld。WhyshouldIrushforhelptoanewcourse，whenIwasonlysufferingfromtheconsequencesofadeedwhichhadbeentheactofmyintensestwill？Thatwouldhavebeenthelogicofonewhohaddesirestogratify，andIhadnodesires。ButBerthaandIlivedmoreandmorealooffromeachother。Therichfinditeasytolivemarriedandapart。
　　ThatcourseofourlifewhichIhaveindicatedinafewsentencesfilledthespaceofyears。Somuchmisery——soslowandhideousagrowthofhatredandsin，maybecompressedintoasentence！Andmenjudgeofeachother’slivesthroughthissummarymedium。Theyepitomizetheexperienceoftheirfellow-mortal，andpronouncejudgmentonhiminneatsyntax，andfeelthemselveswiseandvirtuous——conquerorsoverthetemptationstheydefineinwell-
　　selectedpredicates。Sevenyearsofwretchednessglidegliblyoverthelipsofthemanwhohasnevercountedthemoutinmomentsofchilldisappointment，ofheadandheartthrobbings，ofdreadandvainwrestling，ofremorseanddespair。WelearnWORDSbyrote，butnottheirmeaning；THATmustbepaidforwithourlife-blood，andprintedinthesubtlefibresofournerves。
　　ButIwillhastentofinishmystory。Brevityisjustifiedatoncetothosewhoreadilyunderstand，andtothosewhowillneverunderstand。
　　Someyearsaftermyfather’sdeath，IwassittingbythedimfirelightinmylibraryoneJanuaryevening——sittingintheleatherchairthatusedtobemyfather’s——whenBerthaappearedatthedoor，withacandleinherhand，andadvancedtowardsme。Iknewtheball-dressshehadon——thewhiteball-dress，withthegreenjewels，shoneuponbythelightofthewaxcandlewhichlitupthemedallionofthedyingCleopatraonthemantelpiece。Whydidshecometomebeforegoingout？Ihadnotseenherinthelibrary，whichwasmyhabitualplaceformonths。Whydidshestandbeforemewiththecandleinherhand，withhercruelcontemptuouseyesfixedonme，andtheglitteringserpent，likeafamiliardemon，onherbreast？ForamomentIthoughtthisfulfilmentofmyvisionatViennamarkedsomedreadfulcrisisinmyfate，butIsawnothinginBertha’smind，asshestoodbeforeme，exceptscornforthelookofoverwhelmingmiserywithwhichIsatbeforeher……"Fool，idiot，whydon’tyoukillyourself，then？"——thatwasherthought。Butatlengthherthoughtsrevertedtohererrand，andshespokealoud。
　　Theapparentlyindifferentnatureoftheerrandseemedtomakearidiculousanticlimaxtomyprevisionandmyagitation。
　　"Ihavehadtohireanewmaid。Fletcherisgoingtobemarried，andshewantsmetoaskyoutoletherhusbandhavethepublic-
　　houseandfarmatMolton。Iwishhimtohaveit。Youmustgivethepromisenow，becauseFletcherisgoingto-morrowmorning——andquickly，becauseI’minahurry。"
　　"Verywell；youmaypromiseher，"Isaid，indifferently，andBerthasweptoutofthelibraryagain。
　　Ialwaysshrankfromthesightofanewperson，andallthemorewhenitwasapersonwhosementallifewaslikelytowearymyreluctantinsightwithworldlyignoranttrivialities。ButIshrankespeciallyfromthesightofthisnewmaid，becauseheradventhadbeenannouncedtomeatamomenttowhichIcouldnotceasetoattachsomefatality：IhadavaguedreadthatIshouldfindhermixedupwiththedrearydramaofmylife——thatsomenewsickeningvisionwouldrevealhertomeasanevilgenius。WhenatlastI
　　didunavoidablymeether，thevaguedreadwaschangedintodefinitedisgust。Shewasatall，wiry，dark-eyedwoman，thisMrs。Archer，withafacehandsomeenoughtogivehercoarsehardnaturetheodiousfinishofbold，self-confidentcoquetry。Thatwasenoughtomakemeavoidher，quiteapartfromthecontemptuousfeelingwithwhichshecontemplatedme。Iseldomsawher；butIperceivedthatsherapidlybecameafavouritewithhermistress，and，afterthelapseofeightorninemonths，IbegantobeawarethattherehadariseninBertha’smindtowardsthiswomanamingledfeelingoffearanddependence，andthatthisfeelingwasassociatedwithill-
　　definedimagesofcandle-lightscenesinherdressing-room，andthelocking-upofsomethinginBertha’scabinet。Myinterviewswithmywifehadbecomesobriefandsorarelysolitary，thatIhadnoopportunityofperceivingtheseimagesinhermindwithmoredefiniteness。Therecollectionsofthepastbecomecontractedintherapidityofthoughttilltheysometimesbearhardlyamoredistinctresemblancetotheexternalrealitythantheformsofanorientalalphabettotheobjectsthatsuggestedthem。
　　Besides，forthelastyearormoreamodificationhadbeengoingforwardinmymentalcondition，andwasgrowingmoreandmoremarked。Myinsightintothemindsofthosearoundmewasbecomingdimmerandmorefitful，andtheideasthatcrowdedmydoubleconsciousnessbecamelessandlessdependentonanypersonalcontact。Allthatwaspersonalinmeseemedtobesufferingagradualdeath，sothatIwaslosingtheorganthroughwhichthepersonalagitationsandprojectsofotherscouldaffectme。Butalongwiththisrelieffromwearisomeinsight，therewasanewdevelopmentofwhatIconcluded——asIhavesincefoundrightly——tobeaprovisionofexternalscenes。Itwasasiftherelationbetweenmeandmyfellow-menwasmoreandmoredeadened，andmyrelationtowhatwecalltheinanimatewasquickenedintonewlife。
　　ThemoreIlivedapartfromsociety，andinproportionasmywretchednesssubsidedfromtheviolentthrobofagonizedpassionintothedulnessofhabitualpain，themorefrequentandvividbecamesuchvisionsasthatIhadhadofPrague——ofstrangecities，ofsandyplains，ofgiganticruins，ofmidnightskieswithstrangebrightconstellations，ofmountain-passes，ofgrassynooksfleckedwiththeafternoonsunshinethroughtheboughs：Iwasinthemidstofsuchscenes，andinallofthemonepresenceseemedtoweighonmeinallthesemightyshapes——thepresenceofsomethingunknownandpitiless。Forcontinualsufferinghadannihilatedreligiousfaithwithinme：totheutterlymiserable——theunlovingandtheunloved——thereisnoreligionpossible，noworshipbutaworshipofdevils。Andbeyondallthese，andcontinuallyrecurring，wasthevisionofmydeath——thepangs，thesuffocation，thelaststruggle，whenlifewouldbegraspedatinvain。
　　Thingswereinthisstateneartheendoftheseventhyear。Ihadbecomeentirelyfreefrominsight，frommyabnormalcognizanceofanyotherconsciousnessthanmyown，andinsteadofintrudinginvoluntarilyintotheworldofotherminds，waslivingcontinuallyinmyownsolitaryfuture。BerthawasawarethatIwasgreatlychanged。Tomysurpriseshehadoflateseemedtoseekopportunitiesofremaininginmysociety，andhadcultivatedthatkindofdistantyetfamiliartalkwhichiscustomarybetweenahusbandandwifewholiveinpoliteandirrevocablealienation。I
　　borethiswithlanguidsubmission，andwithoutfeelingenoughinterestinhermotivestoberousedintokeenobservation；yetI
　　couldnothelpperceivingsomethingtriumphantandexcitedinhercarriageandtheexpressionofherface——somethingtoosubtletoexpressitselfinwordsortones，butgivingonetheideathatshelivedinastateofexpectationorhopefulsuspense。Mychieffeelingwassatisfactionthatherinnerselfwasoncemoreshutoutfromme；andIalmostrevelledforthemomentintheabsentmelancholythatmademeanswerheratcrosspurposes，andbetrayutterignoranceofwhatshehadbeensaying。Irememberwellthelookandthesmilewithwhichsheonedaysaid，afteramistakeofthiskindonmypart："Iusedtothinkyouwereaclairvoyant，andthatwasthereasonwhyyouweresobitteragainstotherclairvoyants，wantingtokeepyourmonopoly；butIseenowyouhavebecomeratherdullerthantherestoftheworld。"
　　Isaidnothinginreply。Itoccurredtomethatherrecentobtrusionofherselfuponmemighthavebeenpromptedbythewishtotestmypowerofdetectingsomeofhersecrets；butIletthethoughtdropagainatonce：hermotivesandherdeedshadnointerestforme，andwhateverpleasuresshemightbeseeking，Ihadnowishtobaulkher。Therewasstillpityinmysoulforeverylivingthing，andBerthawasliving——wassurroundedwithpossibilitiesofmisery。
　　Justatthistimethereoccurredaneventwhichrousedmesomewhatfrommyinertia，andgavemeaninterestinthepassingmomentthatIhadthoughtimpossibleforme。ItwasavisitfromCharlesMeunier，whohadwrittenmewordthathewascomingtoEnglandforrelaxationfromtoostrenuouslabour，andwouldliketooseeme。
　　MeunierhadnowaEuropeanreputation；buthislettertomeexpressedthatkeenremembranceofanearlyregard，anearlydebtofsympathy，whichisinseparablefromnobilityofcharacter：andItoofeltasifhispresencewouldbetomelikeatransientresurrectionintoahappierpre-existence。
　　Hecame，andasfaraspossible，Irenewedouroldpleasureofmakingtete-a-teteexcursions，though，insteadofmountainsandglacersandthewidebluelake，wehadtocontentourselveswithmereslopesandpondsandartificialplantations。Theyearshadchangedusboth，butwithwhatdifferentresult！Meunierwasnowabrilliantfigureinsociety，towhomelegantwomenpretendedtolisten，andwhoseacquaintancewasboastedofbynoblemenambitiousofbrains。HerepressedwiththeutmostdelicacyallbetrayaloftheshockwhichIamsurehemusthavereceivedfromourmeeting，orofadesiretopenetrateintomyconditionandcircumstances，andsoughtbytheutmostexertionofhischarmingsocialpowerstomakeourreunionagreeable。Berthawasmuchstruckbytheunexpectedfascinationsofavisitorwhomshehadexpectedtofindpresentableonlyonthescoreofhiscelebrity，andputforthallhercoquetriesandaccomplishments。Apparentlyshesucceededinattractinghisadmiration，forhismannertowardsherwasattentiveandflattering。Theeffectofhispresenceonmewassobenignant，especiallyinthoserenewalsofouroldtete-a-tetewanderings，whenhepouredforthtomewonderfulnarrativesofhisprofessionalexperience，thatmorethanonce，whenhistalkturnedonthepsychologicalrelationsofdisease，thethoughtcrossedmymindthat，ifhisstaywithmewerelongenough，Imightpossiblybringmyselftotellthismanthesecretsofmylot。Mighttherenotliesomeremedyforme，too，inhisscience？Mighttherenotatleastliesomecomprehensionandsympathyreadyformeinhislargeandsusceptiblemind？Butthethoughtonlyflickeredfeeblynowandthen，anddiedoutbeforeitcouldbecomeawish。ThehorrorIhadofagainbreakinginontheprivacyofanothersoul，mademe，byanirrationalinstinct，drawtheshroudofconcealmentmorecloselyaroundmyown，asweautomaticallyperformthegesturewefeeltobewantinginanother。
　　WhenMeunier’svisitwasapproachingitsconclusion，therehappenedaneventwhichcausedsomeexcitementinourhousehold，owingtothesurprisinglystrongeffectitappearedtoproduceonBertha——onBertha，theself-possessed，whousuallyseemedinaccessibletofeminineagitations，anddidevenherhateinaself-restrainedhygienicmanner。Thiseventwasthesuddensevereillnessofhermaid，Mrs。Archer。IhavereservedtothismomentthementionofacircumstancewhichhadforceditselfonmynoticeshortlybeforeMeunier’sarrival，namely，thattherehadbeensomequarrelbetweenBerthaandthismaid，apparentlyduringavisittoadistantfamily，inwhichshehadaccompaniedhermistress。IhadoverheardArcherspeakinginatoneofbitterinsolence，whichIshouldhavethoughtanadequatereasonforimmediatedismissal。Nodismissalfollowed；onthecontrary，Berthaseemedtobesilentlyputtingupwithpersonalinconveniencesfromtheexhibitionsofthiswoman’stemper。IwasthemoreastonishedtoobservethatherillnessseemedacauseofstrongsolicitudetoBertha；thatshewasatthebedsidenightandday，andwouldallownooneelsetoofficiateashead-nurse。Ithappenedthatourfamilydoctorwasoutonaholiday，anaccidentwhichmadeMeunier’spresenceinthehousedoublywelcome，andheapparentlyenteredintothecasewithaninterestwhichseemedsomuchstrongerthantheordinaryprofessionalfeeling，thatonedaywhenhehadfallenintoalongfitofsilenceaftervisitingher，Isaidtohim-
　　"Isthisaverypeculiarcaseofdisease，Meunier？"
　　"No，"heanswered，"itisanattackofperitonitis，whichwillbefatal，butwhichdoesnotdifferphysicallyfrommanyothercasesthathavecomeundermyobservation。ButI’lltellyouwhatIhaveonmymind。Iwanttomakeanexperimentonthiswoman，ifyouwillgivemepermission。Itcandohernoharm——willgivehernopain——forIshallnotmakeituntillifeisextincttoallpurposesofsensation。Iwanttotrytheeffectoftransfusingbloodintoherarteriesafterthehearthasceasedtobeatforsomeminutes。
　　Ihavetriedtheexperimentagainandagainwithanimalsthathavediedofthisdisease，withastoundingresults，andIwanttotryitonahumansubject。Ihavethesmalltubesnecessary，inacaseI
　　havewithme，andtherestoftheapparatuscouldbepreparedreadily。Ishouldusemyownblood——takeitfrommyownarm。Thiswomanwon’tlivethroughthenight，I’mconvinced，andIwantyoutopromisemeyourassistanceinmakingtheexperiment。Ican’tdowithoutanotherhand，butitwouldperhapsnotbewelltocallinamedicalassistantfromamongyourprovincialdoctors。A
　　disagreeablefoolishversionofthethingmightgetabroad。"
　　"Haveyouspokentomywifeonthesubject？"Isaid，"becausesheappearstobepeculiarlysensitiveaboutthiswoman：shehasbeenafavouritemaid。"
　　"Totellyouthetruth，"saidMeunier，"Idon’twanthertoknowaboutit。Therearealwaysinsuperabledifficultieswithwomeninthesematters，andtheeffectonthesupposeddeadbodymaybestartling。YouandIwillsituptogether，andbeinreadiness。
　　WhencertainsymptomsappearIshalltakeyouin，andattherightmomentwemustmanagetogeteveryoneelseoutoftheroom。"
　　Ineednotgiveourfartherconversationonthesubject。Heenteredveryfullyintothedetails，andovercamemyrepulsionfromthem，byexcitinginmeamingledaweandcuriosityconcerningthepossibleresultsofhisexperiment。
　　Wepreparedeverything，andheinstructedmeinmypartasassistant。HehadnottoldBerthaofhisabsoluteconvictionthatArcherwouldnotsurvivethroughthenight，andendeavouredtopersuadehertoleavethepatientandtakeanight’srest。Butshewasobstinate，suspectingthefactthatdeathwasathand，andsupposingthathewishedmerelytosavehernerves。Sherefusedtoleavethesick-room。MeunierandIsatuptogetherinthelibrary，hemakingfrequentvisitstothesick-room，andreturningwiththeinformationthatthecasewastakingpreciselythecourseheexpected。Oncehesaidtome，"Canyouimagineanycauseofill-
　　feelingthiswomanhasagainsthermistress，whoissodevotedtoher？"
　　"Ithinktherewassomemisunderstandingbetweenthembeforeherillness。Whydoyouask？"
　　"BecauseIhaveobservedforthelastfiveorsixhours——since，I
　　fancy，shehaslostallhopeofrecovery——thereseemsastrangepromptinginhertosaysomethingwhichpainandfailingstrengthforbidhertoutter；andthereisalookofhideousmeaninginhereyes，whichsheturnscontinuallytowardshermistress。Inthisdiseasethemindoftenremainssingularlycleartothelast。"
　　"Iamnotsurprisedatanindicationofmalevolentfeelinginher，"
　　Isaid。"Sheisawomanwhohasalwaysinspiredmewithdistrustanddislike，butshemanagedtoinsinuateherselfintohermistress’sfavour。"Hewassilentafterthis，lookingatthefirewithanairofabsorption，tillhewentupstairsagain。Hestayedawaylongerthanusual，andonreturning，saidtomequietly，"Comenow。"
　　Ifollowedhimtothechamberwheredeathwashovering。ThedarkhangingsofthelargebedmadeabackgroundthatgaveastrongrelieftoBertha’spalefaceasIentered。Shestartedforwardasshesawmeenter，andthenlookedatMeunierwithanexpressionofangryinquiry；buthelifteduphishandasittoimposesilence，whilehefixedhisglanceonthedyingwomanandfeltherpulse。
　　Thefacewaspinchedandghastly，acoldperspirationwasontheforehead，andtheeyelidswereloweredsoastoconcealthelargedarkeyes。Afteraminuteortwo，MeunierwalkedroundtotheothersideofthebedwhereBerthastood，andwithhisusualairofgentlepolitenesstowardsherbeggedhertoleavethepatientunderourcare——everythingshouldbedoneforher——shewasnolongerinastatetobeconsciousofanaffectionatepresence。Berthawashesitating，apparentlyalmostwillingtobelievehisassuranceandtocomply。Shelookedroundattheghastlydyingface，asiftoreadtheconfirmationofthatassurance，whenforamomenttheloweredeyelidswereraisedagain，anditseemedasiftheeyeswerelookingtowardsBertha，butblankly。AshudderpassedthroughBertha’sframe，andshereturnedtoherstationnearthepillow，tacitlyimplyingthatshewouldnotleavetheroom。
　　Theeyelidswereliftednomore。OnceIlookedatBerthaasshewatchedthefaceofthedyingone。Sheworearichpeignoir，andherblondhairwashalfcoveredbyalacecap：inherattireshewas，asalways，anelegantwoman，fittofigureinapictureofmodernaristocraticlife：butIaskedmyselfhowthatfaceofherscouldeverhaveseemedtomethefaceofawomanbornofwoman，withmemoriesofchildhood，capableofpain，needingtobefondled？
　　Thefeaturesatthatmomentseemedsopreternaturallysharp，theeyesweresohardandeager——shelookedlikeacruelimmortal，findingherspiritualfeastintheagoniesofadyingrace。Foracrossthosehardfeaturestherecamesomethinglikeaflashwhenthelasthourhadbeenbreathedout，andweallfeltthatthedarkveilhadcompletelyfallen。WhatsecretwastherebetweenBerthaandthiswoman？Iturnedmyeyesfromherwithahorribledreadlestmyinsightshouldreturn，andIshouldbeobligedtoseewhathadbeenbreedingabouttwounlovingwomen’shearts。IfeltthatBerthahadbeenwatchingforthemomentofdeathasthesealingofhersecret：IthankedHeavenitcouldremainsealedforme。
　　Meuniersaidquietly，"Sheisgone。"HethengavehisarmtoBertha，andshesubmittedtobeledoutoftheroom。
　　Isupposeitwasatherorderthattwofemaleattendantscameintotheroom，anddismissedtheyoungeronewhohadbeenpresentbefore。Whentheyentered，Meunierhadalreadyopenedthearteryinthelongthinneckthatlayrigidonthepillow，andIdismissedthem，orderingthemtoremainatadistancetillwerang：thedoctor，Isaid，hadanoperationtoperform——hewasnotsureaboutthedeath。ForthenexttwentyminutesIforgoteverythingbutMeunierandtheexperimentinwhichhewassoabsorbed，thatI
　　thinkhissenseswouldhavebeenclosedagainstallsoundsorsightswhichhadnorelationtoit。Itwasmytaskatfirsttokeepuptheartificialrespirationinthebodyafterthetransfusionhadbeeneffected，butpresentlyMeunierrelievedme，andIcouldseethewondrousslowreturnoflife；thebreastbegantoheave，theinspirationsbecamestronger，theeyelidsquivered，andthesoulseemedtohavereturnedbeneaththem。Theartificialrespirationwaswithdrawn：stillthebreathingcontinued，andtherewasamovementofthelips。
　　JustthenIheardthehandleofthedoormoving：IsupposeBerthahadheardfromthewomenthattheyhadbeendismissed：probablyavaguefearhadariseninhermind，forsheenteredwithalookofalarm。Shecametothefootofthebedandgaveastifledcry。
　　Thedeadwoman’seyeswerewideopen，andmethersinfullrecognition——therecognitionofhate。Withasuddenstrongeffort，thehandthatBerthahadthoughtforeverstillwaspointedtowardsher，andthehaggardfacemoved。Thegaspingeagervoicesaid——
　　"Youmeantopoisonyourhusband……thepoisonisintheblackcabinet……Igotitforyou……youlaughedatme，andtoldliesaboutmebehindmyback，tomakemedisgusting……becauseyouwerejealous……areyousorry……now？"
　　Thelipscontinuedtomurmur，butthesoundswerenolongerdistinct。Soontherewasnosound——onlyaslightmovement：theflamehadleapedout，andwasbeingextinguishedthefaster。Thewretchedwoman’sheart-stringshadbeensettohatredandvengeance；thespiritoflifehadsweptthechordsforaninstant，andwasgoneagainforever。GreatGod！Isthiswhatitistoliveagain……towakeupwithourunstilledthirstuponus，withourunutteredcursesrisingtoourlips，withourmusclesreadytoactouttheirhalf-committedsins？
　　Berthastoodpaleatthefootofthebed，quiveringandhelpless，despairingofdevices，likeacunninganimalwhosehiding-placesaresurroundedbyswift-advancingflame。EvenMeunierlookedparalysed；lifeforthatmomentceasedtobeascientificproblemtohim。Asforme，thissceneseemedofonetexturewiththerestofmyexistence：horrorwasmyfamiliar，andthisnewrevelationwasonlylikeanoldpainrecurringwithnewcircumstances。
　　***
　　SincethenBerthaandIhavelivedapart——sheinherownneighbourhood，themistressofhalfourwealth，Iasawandererinforeigncountries，untilIcametothisDevonshirenesttodie。
　　Berthalivespitiedandadmired；forwhathadIagainstthatcharmingwoman，whomeveryonebutmyselfcouldhavebeenhappywith？TherehadbeennowitnessofthesceneinthedyingroomexceptMeunier，andwhileMeunierlivedhislipsweresealedbyapromisetome。
　　Onceortwice，wearyofwandering，Irestedinafavouritespot，andmyheartwentouttowardsthemenandwomenandchildrenwhosefaceswerebecomingfamiliartome；butIwasdrivenawayagaininterrorattheapproachofmyoldinsight——drivenawaytolivecontinuallywiththeoneUnknownPresencerevealedandyethiddenbythemovingcurtainoftheearthandsky。Tillatlastdiseasetookholdofmeandforcedmetoresthere——forcedmetoliveindependenceonmyservants。Andthenthecurseofinsight——ofmydoubleconsciousness，cameagain，andhasneverleftme。Iknowalltheirnarrowthoughts，theirfeebleregard，theirhalf-weariedpity。
　　***
　　Itisthe20thofSeptember，1850。IknowthesefiguresIhavejustwritten，asiftheywerealongfamiliarinscription。Ihaveseenthemonthispaceinmydeskunnumberedtimes，whenthesceneofmydyingstrugglehasopeneduponme。