ExitMARIAGoshakeyourears。SIRANDREW’Twereasgoodadeedastodrinkwhenaman’sa-hungry,tochallengehimthefield,andthentobreakpromisewithhimandmakeafoolofhim。SIRTOBYBELCHDo’t,knight:I’llwritetheeachallenge:
  orI’lldeliverthyindignationtohimbywordofmouth。MARIASweetSirToby,bepatientfortonight:
  sincetheyouthofthecount’swastodaywiththylady,sheismuchoutofquiet。ForMonsieurMalvolio,letmealonewithhim:ifIdonotgullhimintoanayword,andmakehimacommonrecreation,donotthinkIhavewitenoughtoliestraightinmybed:
  IknowIcandoit。SIRTOBYBELCHPossessus,possessus;tellussomethingofhim。MARIAMarry,sir,sometimesheisakindofpuritan。SIRANDREWO,ifIthoughtthatI’ldbeathimlikeadog!SIRTOBYBELCHWhat,forbeingapuritan?thyexquisitereason,dearknight?SIRANDREWIhavenoexquisitereasonfor’t,butIhavereasongoodenough。MARIAThedevilapuritanthatheis,oranythingconstantly,butatime-pleaser;anaffectionedass,thatconsstatewithoutbookanduttersitbygreatswarths:thebestpersuadedofhimself,socrammed,ashethinks,withexcellencies,thatitishisgroundsoffaiththatallthatlookonhimlovehim;andonthatviceinhimwillmyrevengefindnotablecausetowork。SIRTOBYBELCHWhatwiltthoudo?MARIAIwilldropinhiswaysomeobscureepistlesoflove;wherein,bythecolourofhisbeard,theshapeofhisleg,themannerofhisgait,theexpressureofhiseye,forehead,andcomplexion,heshallfindhimselfmostfeelinglypersonated。Icanwriteverylikemyladyyourniece:onaforgottenmatterwecanhardlymakedistinctionofourhands。SIRTOBYBELCHExcellent!Ismelladevice。SIRANDREWIhave’tinmynosetoo。SIRTOBYBELCHHeshallthink,bythelettersthatthouwiltdrop,thattheycomefrommyniece,andthatshe’sinlovewithhim。MARIAMypurposeis,indeed,ahorseofthatcolour。SIRANDREWAndyourhorsenowwouldmakehimanass。MARIAAss,Idoubtnot。SIRANDREWO,’twillbeadmirable!MARIASportroyal,Iwarrantyou:Iknowmyphysicwillworkwithhim。Iwillplantyoutwo,andletthefoolmakeathird,whereheshallfindtheletter:
  observehisconstructionofit。Forthisnight,tobed,anddreamontheevent。Farewell。
  ExitSIRTOBYBELCHGoodnight,Penthesilea。SIRANDREWBeforeme,she’sagoodwench。SIRTOBYBELCHShe’sabeagle,true-bred,andonethatadoresme:
  whato’that?SIRANDREWIwasadoredoncetoo。SIRTOBYBELCHLet’stobed,knight。Thouhadstneedsendformoremoney。SIRANDREWIfIcannotrecoveryourniece,Iamafoulwayout。SIRTOBYBELCHSendformoney,knight:ifthouhasthernoti’
  theend,callmecut。SIRANDREWIfIdonot,nevertrustme,takeithowyouwill。SIRTOBYBELCHCome,come,I’llgoburnsomesack;’tistoolatetogotobednow:come,knight;come,knight。
  ExeuntSCENEIV。DUKEORSINO’spalace。EnterDUKEORSINO,VIOLA,CURIO,andothersDUKEORSINOGivemesomemusic。Now,goodmorrow,friends。
  Now,goodCesario,butthatpieceofsong,Thatoldandantiquesongweheardlastnight:
  Methoughtitdidrelievemypassionmuch,MorethanlightairsandrecollectedtermsOfthesemostbriskandgiddy-pacedtimes:
  Come,butoneverse。CURIOHeisnothere,sopleaseyourlordshipthatshouldsingit。DUKEORSINOWhowasit?CURIOFeste,thejester,mylord;afoolthattheladyOlivia’sfathertookmuchdelightin。Heisaboutthehouse。DUKEORSINOSeekhimout,andplaythetunethewhile。
  ExitCURIO。MusicplaysComehither,boy:ifeverthoushaltlove,Inthesweetpangsofitrememberme;
  ForsuchasIamalltrueloversare,Unstaidandskittishinallmotionselse,SaveintheconstantimageofthecreatureThatisbeloved。Howdostthoulikethistune?VIOLAItgivesaveryechototheseatWhereLoveisthroned。DUKEORSINOThoudostspeakmasterly:
  Mylifeupon’t,youngthoughthouart,thineeyeHathstay’duponsomefavourthatitloves:
  Hathitnot,boy?VIOLAAlittle,byyourfavour。DUKEORSINOWhatkindofwomanis’t?VIOLAOfyourcomplexion。DUKEORSINOSheisnotworththee,then。Whatyears,i’faith?VIOLAAboutyouryears,mylord。DUKEORSINOToooldbyheaven:letstillthewomantakeAnelderthanherself:sowearsshetohim,Soswaysshelevelinherhusband’sheart:
  For,boy,howeverwedopraiseourselves,Ourfanciesaremoregiddyandunfirm,Morelonging,wavering,soonerlostandworn,Thanwomen’sare。VIOLAIthinkitwell,mylord。DUKEORSINOThenletthylovebeyoungerthanthyself,Orthyaffectioncannotholdthebent;
  Forwomenareasroses,whosefairflowerBeingoncedisplay’d,dothfallthatveryhour。VIOLAAndsotheyare:alas,thattheyareso;
  Todie,evenwhentheytoperfectiongrow!
  Re-enterCURIOandClownDUKEORSINOO,fellow,come,thesongwehadlastnight。
  Markit,Cesario,itisoldandplain;
  ThespinstersandtheknittersinthesunAndthefreemaidsthatweavetheirthreadwithbonesDousetochantit:itissillysooth,Anddallieswiththeinnocenceoflove,Liketheoldage。ClownAreyouready,sir?DUKEORSINOAy;prithee,sing。
  MusicSONG。ClownComeaway,comeaway,death,Andinsadcypressletmebelaid;
  Flyaway,flyawaybreath;
  Iamslainbyafaircruelmaid。
  Myshroudofwhite,stuckallwithyew,O,prepareit!
  Mypartofdeath,noonesotrueDidshareit。
  Notaflower,notaflowersweetOnmyblackcoffinlettherebestrown;
  Notafriend,notafriendgreetMypoorcorpse,wheremybonesshallbethrown:
  Athousandthousandsighstosave,Layme,O,whereSadtrueloverneverfindmygrave,Toweepthere!DUKEORSINOThere’sforthypains。ClownNopains,sir:Itakepleasureinsinging,sir。DUKEORSINOI’llpaythypleasurethen。ClownTruly,sir,andpleasurewillbepaid,onetimeoranother。DUKEORSINOGivemenowleavetoleavethee。ClownNow,themelancholygodprotectthee;
  andthetailormakethydoubletofchangeabletaffeta,forthymindisaveryopal。Iwouldhavemenofsuchconstancyputtosea,thattheirbusinessmightbeeverythingandtheirintenteverywhere;forthat’sitthatalwaysmakesagoodvoyageofnothing。
  Farewell。
  ExitDUKEORSINOLetalltherestgiveplace。
  CURIOandAttendantsretireOncemore,Cesario,Gettheetoyondsamesovereigncruelty:
  Tellher,mylove,morenoblethantheworld,Prizesnotquantityofdirtylands;
  Thepartsthatfortunehathbestow’duponher,Tellher,Iholdasgiddilyasfortune;
  But’tisthatmiracleandqueenofgemsThatnaturepranksherinattractsmysoul。VIOLAButifshecannotloveyou,sir?DUKEORSINOIcannotbesoanswer’d。VIOLASooth,butyoumust。
  Saythatsomelady,asperhapsthereis,HathforyourloveagreatapangofheartAsyouhaveforOlivia:youcannotloveher;
  Youtellherso;mustshenotthenbeanswer’d?DUKEORSINOThereisnowoman’ssidesCanbidethebeatingofsostrongapassionAslovedothgivemyheart;nowoman’sheartSobig,toholdsomuch;theylackretentionAlas,theirlovemaybecall’dappetite,Nomotionoftheliver,butthepalate,Thatsuffersurfeit,cloymentandrevolt;
  Butmineisallashungryasthesea,Andcandigestasmuch:makenocompareBetweenthatloveawomancanbearmeAndthatIoweOlivia。VIOLAAy,butIknow——DUKEORSINOWhatdostthouknow?VIOLAToowellwhatlovewomentomenmayowe:
  Infaith,theyareastrueofheartaswe。
  Myfatherhadadaughterlovedaman,Asitmightbe,perhaps,wereIawoman,Ishouldyourlordship。DUKEORSINOAndwhat’sherhistory?VIOLAAblank,mylord。Shenevertoldherlove,Butletconcealment,likeawormi’thebud,Feedonherdamaskcheek:shepinedinthought,AndwithagreenandyellowmelancholyShesatlikepatienceonamonument,Smilingatgrief。Wasnotthisloveindeed?
  Wemenmaysaymore,swearmore:butindeedOurshowsaremorethanwill;forstillweproveMuchinourvows,butlittleinourlove。DUKEORSINOButdiedthysisterofherlove,myboy?VIOLAIamallthedaughtersofmyfather’shouse,Andallthebrotherstoo:andyetIknownot。
  Sir,shallItothislady?DUKEORSINOAy,that’sthetheme。
  Toherinhaste;giveherthisjewel;say,Mylovecangivenoplace,bidenodenay。
  ExeuntSCENEV。OLIVIA’sgarden。EnterSIRTOBYBELCH,SIRANDREW,andFABIANSIRTOBYBELCHComethyways,SigniorFabian。FABIANNay,I’llcome:ifIloseascrupleofthissport,letmebeboiledtodeathwithmelancholy。SIRTOBYBELCHWouldstthounotbegladtohavetheniggardlyrascallysheep-bitercomebysomenotableshame?FABIANIwouldexult,man:youknow,hebroughtmeouto’
  favourwithmyladyaboutabear-baitinghere。SIRTOBYBELCHToangerhimwe’llhavethebearagain;
  andwewillfoolhimblackandblue:shallwenot,SirAndrew?SIRANDREWAnwedonot,itispityofourlives。SIRTOBYBELCHHerecomesthelittlevillain。
  EnterMARIA
  Hownow,mymetalofIndia!MARIAGetyeallthreeintothebox-tree:Malvolio’scomingdownthiswalk:hehasbeenyonderi’thesunpractisingbehaviortohisownshadowthishalfhour:observehim,fortheloveofmockery;forI
  knowthisletterwillmakeacontemplativeidiotofhim。Close,inthenameofjesting!Liethouthere,Throwsdownaletterforherecomesthetroutthatmustbecaughtwithtickling。
  ExitEnterMALVOLIOMALVOLIO’Tisbutfortune;allisfortune。Mariaoncetoldmeshedidaffectme:andIhaveheardherselfcomethusnear,that,shouldshefancy,itshouldbeoneofmycomplexion。Besides,sheusesmewithamoreexaltedrespectthananyoneelsethatfollowsher。
  WhatshouldIthinkon’t?SIRTOBYBELCHHere’sanoverweeningrogue!FABIANO,peace!Contemplationmakesarareturkey-cockofhim:howhejetsunderhisadvancedplumes!SIRANDREW’Slight,Icouldsobeattherogue!SIRTOBYBELCHPeace,Isay。MALVOLIOTobeCountMalvolio!SIRTOBYBELCHAh,rogue!SIRANDREWPistolhim,pistolhim。SIRTOBYBELCHPeace,peace!MALVOLIOThereisexamplefor’t;theladyoftheStrachymarriedtheyeomanofthewardrobe。SIRANDREWFieonhim,Jezebel!FABIANO,peace!nowhe’sdeeplyin:lookhowimaginationblowshim。MALVOLIOHavingbeenthreemonthsmarriedtoher,sittinginmystate,——SIRTOBYBELCHO,forastone-bow,tohithimintheeye!MALVOLIOCallingmyofficersaboutme,inmybranchedvelvetgown;havingcomefromaday-bed,whereIhaveleftOliviasleeping,——SIRTOBYBELCHFireandbrimstone!FABIANO,peace,peace!MALVOLIOAndthentohavethehumourofstate;
  andafterademuretravelofregard,tellingthemIknowmyplaceasIwouldtheyshoulddotheirs,toformykinsmanToby,——SIRTOBYBELCHBoltsandshackles!FABIANOpeace,peace,peace!now,now。MALVOLIOSevenofmypeople,withanobedientstart,makeoutforhim:Ifrownthewhile;andperchancewindupwatch,orplaywithmy——somerichjewel。Tobyapproaches;courtesiestheretome,——SIRTOBYBELCHShallthisfellowlive?FABIANThoughoursilencebedrawnfromuswithcars,yetpeace。MALVOLIOIextendmyhandtohimthus,quenchingmyfamiliarsmilewithanaustereregardofcontrol,——SIRTOBYBELCHAnddoesnotTobytakeyouablowo’thelipsthen?MALVOLIOSaying,’CousinToby,myfortuneshavingcastmeonyourniecegivemethisprerogativeofspeech,’——SIRTOBYBELCHWhat,what?MALVOLIO’Youmustamendyourdrunkenness。’SIRTOBYBELCHOut,scab!FABIANNay,patience,orwebreakthesinewsofourplot。MALVOLIO’Besides,youwastethetreasureofyourtimewithafoolishknight,’——SIRANDREWThat’sme,Iwarrantyou。MALVOLIO’OneSirAndrew,’——SIRANDREWIknew’twasI;formanydocallmefool。MALVOLIOWhatemploymenthavewehere?
  TakinguptheletterFABIANNowisthewoodcocknearthegin。SIRTOBYBELCHO,peace!andthespiritofhumourintimatereadingaloudtohim!MALVOLIOBymylife,thisismylady’shandthesebeherveryC’s,herU’sandherT’sandthusmakesshehergreatP’s。Itis,incontemptofquestion,herhand。SIRANDREWHerC’s,herU’sandherT’s:whythat?MALVOLIO[Reads]’Totheunknownbeloved,this,andmygoodwishes:’——herveryphrases!Byyourleave,wax。
  Soft!andtheimpressureherLucrece,withwhichsheusestoseal:’tismylady。Towhomshouldthisbe?FABIANThiswinshim,liverandall。MALVOLIO[Reads]
  JoveknowsIlove:Butwho?
  Lips,donotmove;
  Nomanmustknow。
  ’Nomanmustknow。’Whatfollows?thenumbersaltered!’Nomanmustknow:’ifthisshouldbethee,Malvolio?SIRTOBYBELCHMarry,hangthee,brock!MALVOLIO[Reads]
  ImaycommandwhereIadore;
  Butsilence,likeaLucreceknife,Withbloodlessstrokemyheartdothgore:
  M,O,A,I,dothswaymylife。FABIANAfustianriddle!SIRTOBYBELCHExcellentwench,sayI。MALVOLIO’M,O,A,I,dothswaymylife。’Nay,butfirst,letmesee,letmesee,letmesee。FABIANWhatdisho’poisonhasshedressedhim!SIRTOBYBELCHAndwithwhatwingthestanielchequesatit!MALVOLIO’ImaycommandwhereIadore。’Why,shemaycommandme:Iserveher;sheismylady。Why,thisisevidenttoanyformalcapacity;thereisnoobstructioninthis:andtheend,——whatshouldthatalphabeticalpositionportend?IfIcouldmakethatresemblesomethinginme,——Softly!M,O,A,I,——SIRTOBYBELCHO,ay,makeupthat:heisnowatacoldscent。FABIANSowterwillcryupon’tforallthis,thoughitbeasrankasafox。MALVOLIOM,——Malvolio;M,——why,thatbeginsmyname。FABIANDidnotIsayhewouldworkitout?thecurisexcellentatfaults。MALVOLIOM,——butthenthereisnoconsonancyinthesequel;
  thatsuffersunderprobationAshouldfollowbutOdoes。FABIANAndOshallend,Ihope。SIRTOBYBELCHAy,orI’llcudgelhim,andmakehimcryO!MALVOLIOAndthenIcomesbehind。FABIANAy,anyouhadanyeyebehindyou,youmightseemoredetractionatyourheelsthanfortunesbeforeyou。MALVOLIOM,O,A,I;thissimulationisnotastheformer:andyet,tocrushthisalittle,itwouldbowtome,foreveryoneoftheselettersareinmyname。Soft!
  herefollowsprose。
  Reads’Ifthisfallintothyhand,revolve。InmystarsI
  amabovethee;butbenotafraidofgreatness:
  someareborngreat,someachievegreatness,andsomehavegreatnessthrustupon’em。ThyFatesopentheirhands;letthybloodandspiritembracethem;
  and,toinurethyselftowhatthouartliketobe,castthyhumblesloughandappearfresh。Beoppositewithakinsman,surlywithservants;
  letthytonguetangargumentsofstate;putthyselfintothetrickofsingularity:shethusadvisestheethatsighsforthee。Rememberwhocommendedthyyellowstockings,andwishedtoseetheeevercross-gartered:Isay,remember。Goto,thouartmade,ifthoudesiresttobeso;ifnot,letmeseetheeastewardstill,thefellowofservants,andnotworthytotouchFortune’sfingers。Farewell。
  Shethatwouldalterserviceswiththee,THEFORTUNATE-UNHAPPY。’
  Daylightandchampaigndiscoversnotmore:thisisopen。Iwillbeproud,Iwillreadpoliticauthors,IwillbaffleSirToby,Iwillwashoffgrossacquaintance,Iwillbepoint-devisetheveryman。
  Idonotnowfoolmyself,toletimaginationjademe;foreveryreasonexcitestothis,thatmyladylovesme。Shedidcommendmyyellowstockingsoflate,shedidpraisemylegbeingcross-gartered;
  andinthisshemanifestsherselftomylove,andwithakindofinjunctiondrivesmetothesehabitsofherliking。IthankmystarsIamhappy。I
  willbestrange,stout,inyellowstockings,andcross-gartered,evenwiththeswiftnessofputtingon。Joveandmystarsbepraised!Hereisyetapostscript。
  Reads’ThoucanstnotchoosebutknowwhoIam。Ifthouentertainestmylove,letitappearinthysmiling;
  thysmilesbecometheewell;thereforeinmypresencestillsmile,dearmysweet,Iprithee。’
  Jove,Ithankthee:Iwillsmile;Iwilldoeverythingthatthouwilthaveme。
  ExitFABIANIwillnotgivemypartofthissportforapensionofthousandstobepaidfromtheSophy。SIRTOBYBELCHIcouldmarrythiswenchforthisdevice。SIRANDREWSocouldItoo。SIRTOBYBELCHAndasknootherdowrywithherbutsuchanotherjest。SIRANDREWNorIneither。FABIANHerecomesmynoblegull-catcher。
  Re-enterMARIASIRTOBYBELCHWiltthousetthyfooto’myneck?SIRANDREWOro’mineeither?SIRTOBYBELCHShallIplaymyfreedomattraytrip,andbecomethybond-slave?SIRANDREWI’faith,orIeither?SIRTOBYBELCHWhy,thouhastputhiminsuchadream,thatwhentheimageofitleaveshimhemustrunmad。MARIANay,butsaytrue;doesitworkuponhim?SIRTOBYBELCHLikeaqua-vitaewithamidwife。MARIAIfyouwillthenseethefruitsofthesport,markhisfirstapproachbeforemylady:hewillcometoherinyellowstockings,and’tisacoloursheabhors,andcross-gartered,afashionshedetests;
  andhewillsmileuponher,whichwillnowbesounsuitabletoherdisposition,beingaddictedtoamelancholyassheis,thatitcannotbutturnhimintoanotablecontempt。Ifyouwillseeit,followme。SIRTOBYBELCHTothegatesofTartar,thoumostexcellentdevilofwit!SIRANDREWI’llmakeonetoo。
  ExeuntACTIIISCENEI。OLIVIA’sgarden。EnterVIOLA,andClownwithatabourVIOLASavethee,friend,andthymusic:dostthoulivebythytabour?ClownNo,sir,Ilivebythechurch。VIOLAArtthouachurchman?ClownNosuchmatter,sir:Idolivebythechurch;
  forIdoliveatmyhouse,andmyhousedothstandbythechurch。VIOLASothoumaystsay,thekingliesbyabeggar,ifabeggardwellnearhim;or,thechurchstandsbythytabour,ifthytabourstandbythechurch。ClownYouhavesaid,sir。Toseethisage!A
  sentenceisbutacheverilglovetoagoodwit:howquicklythewrongsidemaybeturnedoutward!VIOLANay,that’scertain;theythatdallynicelywithwordsmayquicklymakethemwanton。ClownIwould,therefore,mysisterhadhadnoname,sir。VIOLAWhy,man?ClownWhy,sir,hername’saword;andtodallywiththatwordmightmakemysisterwanton。Butindeedwordsareveryrascalssincebondsdisgracedthem。VIOLAThyreason,man?ClownTroth,sir,Icanyieldyounonewithoutwords;andwordsaregrownsofalse,Iamloathtoprovereasonwiththem。VIOLAIwarrantthouartamerryfellowandcarestfornothing。ClownNotso,sir,Idocareforsomething;
  butinmyconscience,sir,Idonotcareforyou:ifthatbetocarefornothing,sir,Iwoulditwouldmakeyouinvisible。VIOLAArtnotthoutheLadyOlivia’sfool?ClownNo,indeed,sir;theLadyOliviahasnofolly:shewillkeepnofool,sir,tillshebemarried;andfoolsareaslikehusbandsaspilchardsaretoherrings;thehusband’sthebigger:Iamindeednotherfool,buthercorrupterofwords。VIOLAIsawtheelateattheCountOrsino’s。ClownFoolery,sir,doeswalkabouttheorblikethesun,itshineseverywhere。Iwouldbesorry,sir,butthefoolshouldbeasoftwithyourmasteraswithmymistress:IthinkIsawyourwisdomthere。VIOLANay,anthoupassuponme,I’llnomorewiththee。
  Hold,there’sexpensesforthee。ClownNowJove,inhisnextcommodityofhair,sendtheeabeard!VIOLABymytroth,I’lltellthee,Iamalmostsickforone;
  AsidethoughIwouldnothaveitgrowonmychin。Isthyladywithin?ClownWouldnotapairofthesehavebred,sir?VIOLAYes,beingkepttogetherandputtouse。ClownIwouldplayLordPandarusofPhrygia,sir,tobringaCressidatothisTroilus。VIOLAIunderstandyou,sir;’tiswellbegged。ClownThematter,Ihope,isnotgreat,sir,beggingbutabeggar:Cressidawasabeggar。Myladyiswithin,sir。Iwillconstruetothemwhenceyoucome;whoyouareandwhatyouwouldareoutofmywelkin,Imightsay’element,’butthewordisover-worn。
  ExitVIOLAThisfellowiswiseenoughtoplaythefool;
  Andtodothatwellcravesakindofwit:
  Hemustobservetheirmoodonwhomhejests,Thequalityofpersons,andthetime,And,likethehaggard,chequeateveryfeatherThatcomesbeforehiseye。ThisisapractiseAsfulloflabourasawiseman’sartForfollythathewiselyshowsisfit;
  Butwisemen,folly-fall’n,quitetainttheirwit。
  EnterSIRTOBYBELCH,andSIRANDREWSIRTOBYBELCHSaveyou,gentleman。VIOLAAndyou,sir。SIRANDREWDieuvousgarde,monsieur。VIOLAEtvousaussi;votreserviteur。SIRANDREWIhope,sir,youare;andIamyours。SIRTOBYBELCHWillyouencounterthehouse?mynieceisdesirousyoushouldenter,ifyourtradebetoher。VIOLAIamboundtoyourniece,sir;Imean,sheisthelistofmyvoyage。SIRTOBYBELCHTasteyourlegs,sir;putthemtomotion。VIOLAMylegsdobetterunderstandme,sir,thanI
  understandwhatyoumeanbybiddingmetastemylegs。SIRTOBYBELCHImean,togo,sir,toenter。VIOLAIwillansweryouwithgaitandentrance。
  Butweareprevented。
  EnterOLIVIAandMARIA
  Mostexcellentaccomplishedlady,theheavensrainodoursonyou!SIRANDREWThatyouth’sararecourtier:’Rainodours;’
  well。VIOLAMymatterhathnovoice,toyourownmostpregnantandvouchsafedear。SIRANDREW’Odours,’’pregnant’and’vouchsafed:’
  I’llget’emallthreeallready。OLIVIALetthegardendoorbeshut,andleavemetomyhearing。
  ExeuntSIRTOBYBELCH,SIRANDREW,andMARIA
  Givemeyourhand,sir。VIOLAMyduty,madam,andmosthumbleservice。OLIVIAWhatisyourname?VIOLACesarioisyourservant’sname,fairprincess。OLIVIAMyservant,sir!’TwasnevermerryworldSincelowlyfeigningwascall’dcompliment:
  You’reservanttotheCountOrsino,youth。VIOLAAndheisyours,andhismustneedsbeyours:
  Yourservant’sservantisyourservant,madam。OLIVIAForhim,Ithinknotonhim:forhisthoughts,Wouldtheywereblanks,ratherthanfill’dwithme!VIOLAMadam,IcometowhetyourgentlethoughtsOnhisbehalf。OLIVIAO,byyourleave,Iprayyou,Ibadeyouneverspeakagainofhim:
  But,wouldyouundertakeanothersuit,IhadratherhearyoutosolicitthatThanmusicfromthespheres。VIOLADearlady,——OLIVIAGivemeleave,beseechyou。Ididsend,Afterthelastenchantmentyoudidhere,Aringinchaseofyou:sodidIabuseMyself,myservantand,Ifearme,you:
  UnderyourhardconstructionmustIsit,Toforcethatonyou,inashamefulcunning,Whichyouknewnoneofyours:whatmightyouthink?
  HaveyounotsetminehonouratthestakeAndbaiteditwithalltheunmuzzledthoughtsThattyrannousheartcanthink?TooneofyourreceivingEnoughisshown:acypress,notabosom,Hidethmyheart。So,letmehearyouspeak。VIOLAIpityyou。OLIVIAThat’sadegreetolove。VIOLANo,notagrize;for’tisavulgarproof,Thatveryoftwepityenemies。OLIVIAWhy,then,methinks’tistimetosmileagain。
  O,world,howaptthepooraretobeproud!
  Ifoneshouldbeaprey,howmuchthebetterTofallbeforethelionthanthewolf!
  ClockstrikesTheclockupbraidsmewiththewasteoftime。
  Benotafraid,goodyouth,Iwillnothaveyou:
  Andyet,whenwitandyouthiscometoharvest,Yourwereisaliketoreapaproperman:
  Thereliesyourway,duewest。VIOLAThenwestward-ho!GraceandgooddispositionAttendyourladyship!
  You’llnothing,madam,tomylordbyme?OLIVIAStay:
  Iprithee,tellmewhatthouthinkestofme。VIOLAThatyoudothinkyouarenotwhatyouare。OLIVIAIfIthinkso,Ithinkthesameofyou。VIOLAThenthinkyouright:IamnotwhatI
  am。OLIVIAIwouldyouwereasIwouldhaveyoube!VIOLAWoulditbebetter,madam,thanIam?
  Iwishitmight,fornowIamyourfool。OLIVIAO,whatadealofscornlooksbeautifulInthecontemptandangerofhislip!
  AmurderousguiltshowsnotitselfmoresoonThanlovethatwouldseemhid:love’snightisnoon。
  Cesario,bytherosesofthespring,Bymaidhood,honour,truthandeverything,Ilovetheeso,that,maugreallthypride,Norwitnorreasoncanmypassionhide。
  Donotextortthyreasonsfromthisclause,ForthatIwoo,thouthereforehastnocause,Butratherreasonthuswithreasonfetter,Lovesoughtisgood,butgivenunsoughtbetter。VIOLAByinnocenceIswear,andbymyyouthIhaveoneheart,onebosomandonetruth,Andthatnowomanhas;nornevernoneShallmistressbeofit,saveIalone。
  Andsoadieu,goodmadam:nevermoreWillImymaster’stearstoyoudeplore。OLIVIAYetcomeagain;forthouperhapsmaystmoveThatheart,whichnowabhors,tolikehislove。
  ExeuntSCENEII。OLIVIA’shouse。EnterSIRTOBYBELCH,SIRANDREW,andFABIANSIRANDREWNo,faith,I’llnotstayajotlonger。SIRTOBYBELCHThyreason,dearvenom,givethyreason。FABIANYoumustneedsyieldyourreason,SirAndrew。SIRANDREWMarry,Isawyourniecedomorefavourstothecount’sserving-manthanevershebestoweduponme;
  Isaw’ti’theorchard。SIRTOBYBELCHDidsheseetheethewhile,oldboy?tellmethat。SIRANDREWAsplainasIseeyounow。FABIANThiswasagreatargumentofloveinhertowardyou。SIRANDREW’Slight,willyoumakeanasso’me?FABIANIwillproveitlegitimate,sir,upontheoathsofjudgmentandreason。SIRTOBYBELCHAndtheyhavebeengrand-jury-mensincebeforeNoahwasasailor。FABIANShedidshowfavourtotheyouthinyoursightonlytoexasperateyou,toawakeyourdormousevalour,toputfireinyourheartandbrimstoneinyourliver。
  Youshouldthenhaveaccostedher;andwithsomeexcellentjests,fire-newfromthemint,youshouldhavebangedtheyouthintodumbness。Thiswaslookedforatyourhand,andthiswasbalked:
  thedoublegiltofthisopportunityyoulettimewashoff,andyouarenowsailedintothenorthofmylady’sopinion;whereyouwillhanglikeanicicleonaDutchman’sbeard,unlessyoudoredeemitbysomelaudableattempteitherofvalourorpolicy。SIRANDREWAn’tbeanyway,itmustbewithvalour;
  forpolicyIhate:IhadasliefbeaBrownistasapolitician。SIRTOBYBELCHWhy,then,buildmethyfortunesuponthebasisofvalour。Challengemethecount’syouthtofightwithhim;hurthiminelevenplaces:mynieceshalltakenoteofit;andassurethyself,thereisnolove-brokerintheworldcanmoreprevailinman’scommendationwithwomanthanreportofvalour。FABIANThereisnowaybutthis,SirAndrew。SIRANDREWWilleitherofyoubearmeachallengetohim?SIRTOBYBELCHGo,writeitinamartialhand;becurstandbrief;
  itisnomatterhowwitty,soitbeeloquentandfunofinvention:taunthimwiththelicenceofink:
  ifthouthou’sthimsomethrice,itshallnotbeamiss;andasmanyliesaswilllieinthysheetofpaper,althoughthesheetwerebigenoughforthebedofWareinEngland,set’emdown:go,aboutit。
  Lettherebegallenoughinthyink,thoughthouwritewithagoose-pen,nomatter:aboutit。SIRANDREWWhereshallIfindyou?SIRTOBYBELCHWe’llcalltheeatthecubiculo:go。
  ExitSIRANDREWFABIANThisisadearmanikintoyou,SirToby。SIRTOBYBELCHIhavebeendeartohim,lad,sometwothousandstrong,orso。FABIANWeshallhavearareletterfromhim:
  butyou’llnotdeliver’t?SIRTOBYBELCHNevertrustme,then;andbyallmeansstirontheyouthtoananswer。Ithinkoxenandwainropescannothalethemtogether。ForAndrew,ifhewereopened,andyoufindsomuchbloodinhisliveraswillclogthefootofaflea,I’lleattherestoftheanatomy。FABIANAndhisopposite,theyouth,bearsinhisvisagenogreatpresageofcruelty。
  EnterMARIASIRTOBYBELCHLook,wheretheyoungestwrenofninecomes。MARIAIfyoudesirethespleen,andwilllaughyourselfintostitches,followme。YondgullMalvolioisturnedheathen,averyrenegado;forthereisnoChristian,thatmeanstobesavedbybelievingrightly,caneverbelievesuchimpossiblepassagesofgrossness。He’sinyellowstockings。SIRTOBYBELCHAndcross-gartered?MARIAMostvillanously;likeapedantthatkeepsaschooli’thechurch。Ihavedoggedhim,likehismurderer。HedoesobeyeverypointoftheletterthatIdroppedtobetrayhim:hedoessmilehisfaceintomorelinesthanisinthenewmapwiththeaugmentationoftheIndies:youhavenotseensuchathingas’tis。Icanhardlyforbearhurlingthingsathim。Iknowmyladywillstrikehim:ifshedo,he’llsmileandtake’tforagreatfavour。SIRTOBYBELCHCome,bringus,bringuswhereheis。
  ExeuntSCENEIII。Astreet。EnterSEBASTIANandANTONIOSEBASTIANIwouldnotbymywillhavetroubledyou;
  But,sinceyoumakeyourpleasureofyourpains,Iwillnofurtherchideyou。ANTONIOIcouldnotstaybehindyou:mydesire,Moresharpthanfiledsteel,didspurmeforth;
  Andnotalllovetoseeyou,thoughsomuchAsmighthavedrawnonetoalongervoyage,Butjealousywhatmightbefallyourtravel,Beingskillessintheseparts;whichtoastranger,Unguidedandunfriended,oftenproveRoughandunhospitable:mywillinglove,Theratherbytheseargumentsoffear,Setforthinyourpursuit。SEBASTIANMykindAntonio,Icannootheranswermakebutthanks,Andthanks;andever[]oftgoodturnsAreshuffledoffwithsuchuncurrentpay:
  But,weremyworthasismyconsciencefirm,Youshouldfindbetterdealing。What’stodo?
  Shallwegoseethereliquesofthistown?ANTONIOTo-morrow,sir:bestfirstgoseeyourlodging。SEBASTIANIamnotweary,and’tislongtonight:
  Iprayyou,letussatisfyoureyesWiththememorialsandthethingsoffameThatdorenownthiscity。ANTONIOWouldyou’ldpardonme;
  Idonotwithoutdangerwalkthesestreets:
  Once,inasea-fight,’gainstthecounthisgalleysIdidsomeservice;ofsuchnoteindeed,ThatwereIta’enhereitwouldscarcebeanswer’d。SEBASTIANBelikeyouslewgreatnumberofhispeople。ANTONIOTheoffenceisnotofsuchabloodynature;
  AlbeitthequalityofthetimeandquarrelMightwellhavegivenusbloodyargument。
  Itmighthavesincebeenanswer’dinrepayingWhatwetookfromthem;which,fortraffic’ssake,Mostofourcitydid:onlymyselfstoodout;
  Forwhich,ifIbelapsedinthisplace,Ishallpaydear。SEBASTIANDonotthenwalktooopen。ANTONIOItdothnotfitme。Hold,sir,here’smypurse。
  Inthesouthsuburbs,attheElephant,Isbesttolodge:Iwillbespeakourdiet,WhilesyoubeguilethetimeandfeedyourknowledgeWithviewingofthetown:thereshallyouhaveme。SEBASTIANWhyIyourpurse?ANTONIOHaplyyoureyeshalllightuponsometoyYouhavedesiretopurchase;andyourstore,Ithink,isnotforidlemarkets,sir。SEBASTIANI’llbeyourpurse-bearerandleaveyouForanhour。ANTONIOTotheElephant。SEBASTIANIdoremember。
  ExeuntSCENEIV。OLIVIA’sgarden。EnterOLIVIAandMARIAOLIVIAIhavesentafterhim:hesayshe’llcome;
  HowshallIfeasthim?whatbestowofhim?
  Foryouthisboughtmoreoftthanbegg’dorborrow’d。
  Ispeaktooloud。
  WhereisMalvolio?heissadandcivil,Andsuitswellforaservantwithmyfortunes:
  WhereisMalvolio?MARIAHe’scoming,madam;butinverystrangemanner。Heis,sure,possessed,madam。OLIVIAWhy,what’sthematter?doesherave?MARIANo。madam,hedoesnothingbutsmile:
  yourladyshipwerebesttohavesomeguardaboutyou,ifhecome;for,sure,themanistaintedin’swits。OLIVIAGocallhimhither。
  ExitMARIA
  Iamasmadashe,Ifsadandmerrymadnessequalbe。
  Re-enterMARIA,withMALVOLIO
  Hownow,Malvolio!MALVOLIOSweetlady,ho,ho。OLIVIASmilestthou?
  Isentfortheeuponasadoccasion。MALVOLIOSad,lady!Icouldbesad:thisdoesmakesomeobstructionintheblood,thiscross-gartering;
  butwhatofthat?ifitpleasetheeyeofone,itiswithmeastheverytruesonnetis,’Pleaseone,andpleaseall。’OLIVIAWhy,howdostthou,man?whatisthematterwiththee?MALVOLIONotblackinmymind,thoughyellowinmylegs。Itdidcometohishands,andcommandsshallbeexecuted:IthinkwedoknowthesweetRomanhand。OLIVIAWiltthougotobed,Malvolio?MALVOLIOTobed!ay,sweet-heart,andI’llcometothee。OLIVIAGodcomfortthee!Whydostthousmilesoandkissthyhandsooft?MARIAHowdoyou,Malvolio?MALVOLIOAtyourrequest!yes;nightingalesanswerdaws。MARIAWhyappearyouwiththisridiculousboldnessbeforemylady?MALVOLIO’Benotafraidofgreatness:’’twaswellwrit。OLIVIAWhatmeanestthoubythat,Malvolio?MALVOLIO’Someareborngreat,’——OLIVIAHa!MALVOLIO’Someachievegreatness,’——OLIVIAWhatsayestthou?MALVOLIO’Andsomehavegreatnessthrustuponthem。’OLIVIAHeavenrestorethee!MALVOLIO’Rememberwhocommendedthyyellowstockings,’——OLIVIAThyyellowstockings!MALVOLIO’Andwishedtoseetheecross-gartered。’OLIVIACross-gartered!MALVOLIO’Gotothouartmade,ifthoudesiresttobeso;’——OLIVIAAmImade?MALVOLIO’Ifnot,letmeseetheeaservantstill。’OLIVIAWhy,thisisverymidsummermadness。
  EnterServantServantMadam,theyounggentlemanoftheCountOrsino’sisreturned:Icouldhardlyentreathimback:heattendsyourladyship’spleasure。OLIVIAI’llcometohim。
  ExitServantGoodMaria,letthisfellowbelookedto。Where’smycousinToby?Letsomeofmypeoplehaveaspecialcareofhim:Iwouldnothavehimmiscarryforthehalfofmydowry。
  ExeuntOLIVIAandMARIAMALVOLIOO,ho!doyoucomenearmenow?noworsemanthanSirTobytolooktome!Thisconcursdirectlywiththeletter:shesendshimonpurpose,thatImayappearstubborntohim;forsheincitesmetothatintheletter。’Castthyhumbleslough,’saysshe;
  ’beoppositewithakinsman,surlywithservants;
  letthytonguetangwithargumentsofstate;putthyselfintothetrickofsingularity;’andconsequentlysetsdownthemannerhow;as,asadface,areverendcarriage,aslowtongue,inthehabitofsomesirofnote,andsoforth。Ihavelimedher;butitisJove’sdoing,andJovemakemethankful!Andwhenshewentawaynow,’Letthisfellowbelookedto:’fellow!notMalvolio,noraftermydegree,butfellow。Why,everythingadherestogether,thatnodramofascruple,noscrupleofascruple,noobstacle,noincredulousorunsafecircumstance——Whatcanbesaid?Nothingthatcanbecancomebetweenmeandthefullprospectofmyhopes。Well,Jove,notI,isthedoerofthis,andheistobethanked。
  Re-enterMARIA,withSIRTOBYBELCHandFABIANSIRTOBYBELCHWhichwayishe,inthenameofsanctity?
  Ifallthedevilsofhellbedrawninlittle,andLegionhimselfpossessedhim,yetI’llspeaktohim。FABIANHereheis,hereheis。Howis’twithyou,sir?
  howis’twithyou,man?MALVOLIOGooff;Idiscardyou:letmeenjoymyprivate:gooff。MARIALo,howhollowthefiendspeakswithinhim!didnotItellyou?SirToby,myladypraysyoutohaveacareofhim。MALVOLIOAh,ha!doessheso?SIRTOBYBELCHGoto,goto;peace,peace;wemustdealgentlywithhim:letmealone。Howdoyou,Malvolio?
  howis’twithyou?What,man!defythedevil:
  consider,he’sanenemytomankind。MALVOLIODoyouknowwhatyousay?MARIALayou,anyouspeakillofthedevil,howhetakesitatheart!PrayGod,hebenotbewitched!FABIANCarryhiswatertothewisewoman。MARIAMarry,anditshallbedoneto-morrowmorning,ifI
  live。MyladywouldnotlosehimformorethanI’llsay。MALVOLIOHownow,mistress!MARIAOLord!SIRTOBYBELCHPrithee,holdthypeace;thisisnottheway:doyounotseeyoumovehim?letmealonewithhim。FABIANNowaybutgentleness;gently,gently:
  thefiendisrough,andwillnotberoughlyused。SIRTOBYBELCHWhy,hownow,mybawcock!howdostthou,chuck?MALVOLIOSir!SIRTOBYBELCHAy,Biddy,comewithme。What,man!’tisnotforgravitytoplayatcherry-pitwithSatan:hanghim,foulcollier!MARIAGethimtosayhisprayers,goodSirToby,gethimtopray。MALVOLIOMyprayers,minx!MARIANo,Iwarrantyou,hewillnothearofgodliness。MALVOLIOGo,hangyourselvesall!youareidleshallowthings:Iamnotofyourelement:youshallknowmorehereafter。
  ExitSIRTOBYBELCHIs’tpossible?FABIANIfthiswereplayeduponastagenow,Icouldcondemnitasanimprobablefiction。SIRTOBYBELCHHisverygeniushathtakentheinfectionofthedevice,man。MARIANay,pursuehimnow,lestthedevicetakeairandtaint。FABIANWhy,weshallmakehimmadindeed。MARIAThehousewillbethequieter。SIRTOBYBELCHCome,we’llhavehiminadarkroomandbound。Mynieceisalreadyinthebeliefthathe’smad:
  wemaycarryitthus,forourpleasureandhispenance,tillourverypastime,tiredoutofbreath,promptustohavemercyonhim:atwhichtimewewillbringthedevicetothebarandcrowntheeforafinderofmadmen。Butsee,butsee。
  EnterSIRANDREWFABIANMorematterforaMaymorning。SIRANDREWHere’sthechallenge,readit:warrantthere’svinegarandpepperin’t。FABIANIs’tsosaucy?SIRANDREWAy,is’t,Iwarranthim:dobutread。SIRTOBYBELCHGiveme。
  Reads’Youth,whatsoeverthouart,thouartbutascurvyfellow。’FABIANGood,andvaliant。SIRTOBYBELCH[Reads]’Wondernot,noradmirenotinthymind,whyIdocalltheeso,forIwillshowtheenoreasonfor’t。’FABIANAgoodnote;thatkeepsyoufromtheblowofthelaw。SIRTOBYBELCH[Reads]’ThoucomesttotheladyOlivia,andinmysightsheusestheekindly:butthouliestinthythroat;thatisnotthematterIchallengetheefor。’FABIANVerybrief,andtoexceedinggoodsense——less。SIRTOBYBELCH[Reads]’Iwillwaylaytheegoinghome;
  whereifitbethychancetokillme,’——FABIANGood。SIRTOBYBELCH[Reads]’Thoukillestmelikearogueandavillain。’FABIANStillyoukeepo’thewindysideofthelaw:good。SIRTOBYBELCH[Reads]’Faretheewell;andGodhavemercyupononeofoursouls!Hemayhavemercyuponmine;
  butmyhopeisbetter,andsolooktothyself。Thyfriend,asthouusesthim,andthyswornenemy,ANDREWAGUECHEEK。
  Ifthislettermovehimnot,hislegscannot:
  I’llgive’thim。MARIAYoumayhaveveryfitoccasionfor’t:
  heisnowinsomecommercewithmylady,andwillbyandbydepart。SIRTOBYBELCHGo,SirAndrew:scoutmeforhimatthecornertheorchardlikeabum-baily:sosoonaseverthouseesthim,draw;and,asthoudrawestswearhorrible;
  foritcomestopassoftthataterribleoath,withaswaggeringaccentsharplytwangedoff,givesmanhoodmoreapprobationthaneverproofitselfwouldhaveearnedhim。Away!SIRANDREWNay,letmealoneforswearing。
  ExitSIRTOBYBELCHNowwillnotIdeliverhisletter:forthebehavioroftheyounggentlemangiveshimouttobeofgoodcapacityandbreeding;hisemploymentbetweenhislordandmyniececonfirmsnoless:thereforethisletter,beingsoexcellentlyignorant,willbreednoterrorintheyouth:hewillfinditcomesfromaclodpole。But,sir,Iwilldeliverhischallengebywordofmouth;setuponAguecheekanotablereportofvalour;anddrivethegentleman,asIknowhisyouthwillaptlyreceiveit,intoamosthideousopinionofhisrage,skill,furyandimpetuosity。
  Thiswillsofrightthemboththattheywillkilloneanotherbythelook,likecockatrices。
  Re-enterOLIVIA,withVIOLAFABIANHerehecomeswithyourniece:givethemwaytillhetakeleave,andpresentlyafterhim。SIRTOBYBELCHIwillmeditatethewhileuponsomehorridmessageforachallenge。
  ExeuntSIRTOBYBELCH,FABIAN,andMARIAOLIVIAIhavesaidtoomuchuntoaheartofstoneAndlaidminehonourtoouncharyout:
  There’ssomethinginmethatreprovesmyfault;
  Butsuchaheadstrongpotentfaultitis,Thatitbutmocksreproof。VIOLAWiththesame’haviorthatyourpassionbearsGoesonmymaster’sgrief。OLIVIAHere,wearthisjewelforme,’tismypicture;
  Refuseitnot;ithathnotonguetovexyou;
  AndIbeseechyoucomeagainto-morrow。
  WhatshallyouaskofmethatI’lldeny,Thathonoursavedmayuponaskinggive?VIOLANothingbutthis;yourtrueloveformymaster。OLIVIAHowwithminehonourmayIgivehimthatWhichIhavegiventoyou?VIOLAIwillacquityou。OLIVIAWell,comeagainto-morrow:faretheewell:
  Afiendliketheemightbearmysoultohell。
  ExitRe-enterSIRTOBYBELCHandFABIANSIRTOBYBELCHGentleman,Godsavethee。VIOLAAndyou,sir。SIRTOBYBELCHThatdefencethouhast,betaketheeto’t:
  ofwhatnaturethewrongsarethouhastdonehim,Iknownot;butthyintercepter,fullofdespite,bloodyasthehunter,attendstheeattheorchard-end:
  dismountthytuck,beyareinthypreparation,forthyassailantisquick,skilfulanddeadly。VIOLAYoumistake,sir;Iamsurenomanhathanyquarreltome:myremembranceisveryfreeandclearfromanyimageofoffencedonetoanyman。SIRTOBYBELCHYou’llfinditotherwise,Iassureyou:
  therefore,ifyouholdyourlifeatanyprice,betakeyoutoyourguard;foryouroppositehathinhimwhatyouth,strength,skillandwrathcanfurnishmanwithal。VIOLAIprayyou,sir,whatishe?SIRTOBYBELCHHeisknight,dubbedwithunhatchedrapierandoncarpetconsideration;butheisadevilinprivatebrawl:soulsandbodieshathhedivorcedthree;
  andhisincensementatthismomentissoimplacable,thatsatisfactioncanbenonebutbypangsofdeathandsepulchre。Hob,nob,ishisword;give’tortake’t。VIOLAIwillreturnagainintothehouseanddesiresomeconductofthelady。Iamnofighter。Ihaveheardofsomekindofmenthatputquarrelspurposelyonothers,totastetheirvalour:belikethisisamanofthatquirk。SIRTOBYBELCHSir,no;hisindignationderivesitselfoutofaverycompetentinjury:therefore,getyouonandgivehimhisdesire。Backyoushallnottothehouse,unlessyouundertakethatwithmewhichwithasmuchsafetyyoumightanswerhim:therefore,on,orstripyourswordstarknaked;formeddleyoumust,that’scertain,orforsweartowearironaboutyou。VIOLAThisisasuncivilasstrange。Ibeseechyou,domethiscourteousoffice,astoknowoftheknightwhatmyoffencetohimis:itissomethingofmynegligence,nothingofmypurpose。SIRTOBYBELCHIwilldoso。SigniorFabian,stayyoubythisgentlemantillmyreturn。
  ExitVIOLAPrayyou,sir,doyouknowofthismatter?FABIANIknowtheknightisincensedagainstyou,eventoamortalarbitrement;butnothingofthecircumstancemore。VIOLAIbeseechyou,whatmannerofmanishe?FABIANNothingofthatwonderfulpromise,toreadhimbyhisform,asyouareliketofindhimintheproofofhisvalour。Heis,indeed,sir,themostskilful,bloodyandfataloppositethatyoucouldpossiblyhavefoundinanypartofIllyria。Willyouwalktowardshim?IwillmakeyourpeacewithhimifI
  can。VIOLAIshallbemuchboundtoyoufor’t:I
  amonethathadrathergowithsirpriestthansirknight:
  I
  carenotwhoknowssomuchofmymettle。
  ExeuntRe-enterSIRTOBYBELCH,withSIRANDREWSIRTOBYBELCHWhy,man,he’saverydevil;Ihavenotseensuchafirago。Ihadapasswithhim,rapier,scabbardandall,andhegivesmethestuckinwithsuchamortalmotion,thatitisinevitable;andontheanswer,hepaysyouassurelyasyourfeethitthegroundtheystepon。TheysayhehasbeenfencertotheSophy。SIRANDREWPoxon’t,I’llnotmeddlewithhim。SIRTOBYBELCHAy,buthewillnotnowbepacified:
  Fabiancanscarceholdhimyonder。SIRANDREWPlagueon’t,anIthoughthehadbeenvaliantandsocunninginfence,I’ldhaveseenhimdamnedereI’ldhavechallengedhim。Lethimletthematterslip,andI’llgivehimmyhorse,greyCapilet。SIRTOBYBELCHI’llmakethemotion:standhere,makeagoodshowon’t:thisshallendwithouttheperditionofsouls。
  AsideMarry,I’llrideyourhorseaswellasIrideyou。
  Re-enterFABIANandVIOLA
  ToFABIAN
  Ihavehishorsetotakeupthequarrel:
  Ihavepersuadedhimtheyouth’sadevil。FABIANHeisashorriblyconceitedofhim;andpantsandlookspale,asifabearwereathisheels。SIRTOBYBELCH[ToVIOLA]There’snoremedy,sir;hewillfightwithyoufor’soathsake:marry,hehathbetterbethoughthimofhisquarrel,andhefindsthatnowscarcetobeworthtalkingof:thereforedraw,forthesupportanceofhisvow;heprotestshewillnothurtyou。VIOLA[Aside]PrayGoddefendme!AlittlethingwouldmakemetellthemhowmuchIlackofaman。FABIANGiveground,ifyouseehimfurious。SIRTOBYBELCHCome,SirAndrew,there’snoremedy;
  thegentlemanwill,forhishonour’ssake,haveoneboutwithyou;
  hecannotbytheduelloavoidit:buthehaspromisedme,asheisagentlemanandasoldier,hewillnothurtyou。Comeon;to’t。SIRANDREWPrayGod,hekeephisoath!VIOLAIdoassureyou,’tisagainstmywill。
  TheydrawEnterANTONIOANTONIOPutupyoursword。IfthisyounggentlemanHavedoneoffence,Itakethefaultonme:
  Ifyouoffendhim,Iforhimdefyyou。SIRTOBYBELCHYou,sir!why,whatareyou?ANTONIOOne,sir,thatforhislovedaresyetdomoreThanyouhaveheardhimbragtoyouhewill。SIRTOBYBELCHNay,ifyoubeanundertaker,Iamforyou。
  TheydrawEnterOfficersFABIANOgoodSirToby,hold!herecometheofficers。SIRTOBYBELCHI’llbewithyouanon。VIOLAPray,sir,putyourswordup,ifyouplease。SIRANDREWMarry,willI,sir;and,forthatIpromisedyou,I’llbeasgoodasmyword:hewillbearyoueasilyandreinswell。FirstOfficerThisistheman;dothyoffice。SecondOfficerAntonio,IarresttheeatthesuitofCountOrsino。ANTONIOYoudomistakeme,sir。FirstOfficerNo,sir,nojot;Iknowyourfavourwell,Thoughnowyouhavenosea-caponyourhead。
  Takehimaway:heknowsIknowhimwell。ANTONIOImustobey。
  ToVIOLA
  Thiscomeswithseekingyou:
  Butthere’snoremedy;Ishallanswerit。
  Whatwillyoudo,nowmynecessityMakesmetoaskyouformypurse?ItgrievesmeMuchmoreforwhatIcannotdoforyouThanwhatbefallsmyself。Youstandamazed;
  Butbeofcomfort。SecondOfficerCome,sir,away。ANTONIOImustentreatofyousomeofthatmoney。VIOLAWhatmoney,sir?
  Forthefairkindnessyouhaveshow’dmehere,And,part,beingpromptedbyyourpresenttrouble,OutofmyleanandlowabilityI’lllendyousomething:myhavingisnotmuch;
  I’llmakedivisionofmypresentwithyou:
  Hold,there’shalfmycoffer。ANTONIOWillyoudenymenow?
  Is’tpossiblethatmydesertstoyouCanlackpersuasion?Donottemptmymisery,LestthatitmakemesounsoundamanAstoupbraidyouwiththosekindnessesThatIhavedoneforyou。VIOLAIknowofnone;
  NorknowIyoubyvoiceoranyfeature:
  IhateingratitudemoreinamanThanlying,vainness,babbling,drunkenness,OranytaintofvicewhosestrongcorruptionInhabitsourfrailblood。ANTONIOOheavensthemselves!SecondOfficerCome,sir,Iprayyou,go。ANTONIOLetmespeakalittle。ThisyouththatyouseehereIsnatch’donehalfoutofthejawsofdeath,Relievedhimwithsuchsanctityoflove,Andtohisimage,whichmethoughtdidpromiseMostvenerableworth,didIdevotion。FirstOfficerWhat’sthattous?Thetimegoesby:
  away!ANTONIOButOhowvileanidolprovesthisgodThouhast,Sebastian,donegoodfeatureshame。
  Innaturethere’snoblemishbutthemind;
  Nonecanbecall’ddeform’dbuttheunkind:
  Virtueisbeauty,butthebeauteousevilAreemptytrunkso’erflourish’dbythedevil。FirstOfficerThemangrowsmad:awaywithhim!Come,come,sir。ANTONIOLeadmeon。
  ExitwithOfficersVIOLAMethinkshiswordsdofromsuchpassionfly,Thathebelieveshimself:sodonotI。
  Provetrue,imagination,O,provetrue,ThatI,dearbrother,benowta’enforyou!SIRTOBYBELCHComehither,knight;comehither,Fabian:
  we’llwhispero’eracoupletortwoofmostsagesaws。VIOLAHenamedSebastian:ImybrotherknowYetlivinginmyglass;evensuchandsoInfavourwasmybrother,andhewentStillinthisfashion,colour,ornament,ForhimIimitate:O,ifitprove,Tempestsarekindandsaltwavesfreshinlove。
  ExitSIRTOBYBELCHAverydishonestpaltryboy,andmoreacowardthanahare:hisdishonestyappearsinleavinghisfriendhereinnecessityanddenyinghim;andforhiscowardship,askFabian。FABIANAcoward,amostdevoutcoward,religiousinit。SIRANDREW’Slid,I’llafterhimagainandbeathim。SIRTOBYBELCHDo;cuffhimsoundly,butneverdrawthysword。SIRANDREWAnIdonot,——FABIANCome,let’sseetheevent。SIRTOBYBELCHIdarelayanymoney’twillbenothingyet。
  ExeuntACTIVSCENEI。BeforeOLIVIA’shouse。EnterSEBASTIANandClownClownWillyoumakemebelievethatIamnotsentforyou?SEBASTIANGoto,goto,thouartafoolishfellow:
  Letmebeclearofthee。ClownWellheldout,i’faith!No,Idonotknowyou;norIamnotsenttoyoubymylady,tobidyoucomespeakwithher;noryournameisnotMasterCesario;
  northisisnotmynoseneither。Nothingthatissoisso。SEBASTIANIprithee,ventthyfollysomewhereelse:
  Thouknow’stnotme。ClownVentmyfolly!hehasheardthatwordofsomegreatmanandnowappliesittoafool。Ventmyfolly!Iamafraidthisgreatlubber,theworld,willproveacockney。Ipritheenow,ungirdthystrangenessandtellmewhatIshallventtomylady:shallIventtoherthatthouartcoming?SEBASTIANIprithee,foolishGreek,departfromme:There’smoneyforthee:ifyoutarrylonger,Ishallgiveworsepayment。ClownBymytroth,thouhastanopenhand。Thesewisementhatgivefoolsmoneygetthemselvesagoodreport——afterfourteenyears’purchase。