ContentsOntheartofmakingupone’smind。
　　Onthedisadvantageofnotgettingwhatonewants。
　　Ontheexceptionalmeritattachingtothethingswemeanttodo。
　　Onthepreparationandemploymentoflovephiltres。
　　Onthedelightsandbenefitsofslavery。
　　Onthecareandmanagementofwomen。
　　Onthemindingofotherpeople’sbusiness。
　　Onthetimewastedinlookingbeforeoneleaps。
　　Onthenobilityofourselves。
　　Onthemotherlinessofman。
　　Ontheinadvisabilityoffollowingadvice。
　　Ontheplayingofmarchesatthefuneralsofmarionettes。
　　ONTHEARTOFMAKINGUPONE’SMIND
　　"Now，whichwouldyouadvise，dear？Yousee，withtheredIshan’tbeabletowearmymagentahat。"
　　"Wellthen，whynothavethegrey？"
　　"Yes——yes，IthinkthegreywillbeMOREuseful。"
　　"It’sagoodmaterial。"
　　"Yes，andit’saPRETTYgrey。YouknowwhatImean，dear；notaCOMMONgrey。OfcoursegreyisalwaysanUNINTERESTINGcolour。"
　　"Itsquiet。"
　　"Andthenagain，whatIfeelabouttheredisthatitissowarm-looking。RedmakesyouFEELwarmevenwhenyou’reNOTwarm。
　　YouknowwhatImean，dear！"
　　"Wellthen，whynothavethered？Itsuitsyou——red。"
　　"No；doyoureallythinkso？"
　　"Well，whenyou’vegotacolour，Imean，ofcourse！"
　　"Yes，thatisthedrawbacktored。No，Ithink，onthewhole，thegreyisSAFER。"
　　"Thenyouwilltakethegrey，madam？"
　　"Yes，IthinkI’dbetter；don’tyou，dear？"
　　"Ilikeitmyselfverymuch。"
　　"Anditisgoodwearingstuff。Ishallhaveittrimmedwith——Oh！
　　youhaven’tcutitoff，haveyou？"
　　"Iwasjustaboutto，madam。"
　　"Well，don’tforamoment。Justletmehaveanotherlookatthered。Yousee，dear，ithasjustoccurredtome——thatchinchillawouldlooksowellonthered！"
　　"Soitwould，dear！"
　　"And，yousee，I’vegotthechinchilla。"
　　"Thenhavethered。Whynot？"
　　"Well，thereisthehatI’mthinkingof。"
　　"Youhaven’tanythingelseyoucouldwearwiththat？"
　　"Nothingatall，anditwouldgosoBEAUTIFULLYwiththegrey。——Yes，IthinkI’llhavethegrey。It’salwaysasafecolour——grey。"
　　"FourteenyardsIthinkyousaid，madam？"
　　"Yes，fourteenyardswillbeenough；becauseIshallmixitwith——
　　Oneminute。Yousee，dear，ifItakethegreyIshallhavenothingtowearwithmyblackjacket。"
　　"Won’titgowithgrey？"
　　"Notwell——notsowellaswithred。"
　　"Ishouldhavetheredthen。Youevidentlyfancyityourself。"
　　"No，personallyIpreferthegrey。ButthenonemustthinkofEVERYTHING，and——Goodgracious！that’ssurelynottherighttime？"
　　"No，madam，it’stenminutesslow。Wealwayskeepourclocksalittleslow！"
　　"AndweweretoohavebeenatMadameJannaway’sataquarterpasttwelve。HowlongshoppingdoestakeI——Why，whatevertimedidwestart？"
　　"Abouteleven，wasn’tit？"
　　"Half-pastten。Iremembernow；because，youknow，wesaidwe’dstartathalf-pastnine。We’vebeentwohoursalready！"
　　"Andwedon’tseemtohavedonemuch，dowe？"
　　"Doneliterallynothing，andImeanttohavedonesomuch。ImustgotoMadameJannaway’s。Haveyougotmypurse，dear？Oh，it’sallright，I’vegotit。"
　　"Well，nowyouhaven’tdecidedwhetheryou’regoingtohavethegreyorthered。"
　　"I’msureIdon’tknowwhatIdowantnow。Ihadmadeupmymindaminuteago，andnowit’sallgoneagain——ohyes，Iremember，thered。Yes，I’llhavethered。No，Idon’tmeanthered，Imeanthegrey。"
　　"Youweretalkingabouttheredlasttime，ifyouremember，dear。"
　　"Oh，soIwas，you’requiteright。That’stheworstofshopping。
　　DoyouknowIgetquiteconfusedsometimes。"
　　"Thenyouwilldecideonthered，madam？"
　　"Yes——yes，Ishan’tdoanybetter，shallI，dear？Whatdoyouthink？Youhaven’tgotanyothershadesofred，haveyou？Thisissuchanuglyred。"
　　Theshopmanremindsherthatshehasseenalltheotherreds，andthatthisistheparticularshadesheselectedandadmired。
　　"Oh，verywell，"shereplies，withtheairofonefromwhomallearthlycaresarefalling，"Imusttakethatthen，Isuppose。I
　　can’tbeworriedaboutitanylonger。I’vewastedhalfthemorningalready。"
　　Outsidesherecollectsthreeinsuperableobjectionstothered，andfourunanswerableargumentswhysheshouldhaveselectedthegrey。
　　Shewonderswouldtheychangeit，ifshewentbackandaskedtoseetheshopwalker？Herfriend，whowantsherlunch，thinksnot。
　　"ThatiswhatIhateaboutshopping，"shesays。"OneneverhastimetoreallyTHINK。"
　　Shesayssheshan’tgotothatshopagain。
　　Welaughather，butarewesoverymuchbetter？Come，mysuperiormalefriend，haveyouneverstood，amidyourwardrobe，undecidedwhether，inhereyes，youwouldappearmoreimposing，cladintheroughtweedsuitthatsoadmirablydisplaysyourbroadshoulders；orintheorthodoxblackfrock，that，afterall，isperhapsmoresuitabletothefigureofamanapproaching——letussay，thenine-and-twenties？Or，betterstill，whynotridingcostume？DidwenothearhersayhowwellJoneslookedinhistop-bootsandbreeches，and，"hangitall，"wehaveabetterlegthanJones。Whatapityriding-breechesaremadesobaggynowadays。Whyisitthatmalefashionstendmoreandmoretohidethemaleleg？Aswomenhavebecomelessandlessashamedoftheirs，wehavebecomemoreandmorereticentofours。Whyarethesilkenhose，thetight-fittingpantaloons，theneatkneebreechesofourforefathersimpossibleto-day？Arewegrownmoremodest——orhastherecomeaboutafallingoff，renderingconcealmentadvisable？
　　Icanneverunderstand，myself，whywomenloveus。Itmustbeourhonestworth，oursterlingmerit，thatattractsthem——certainlynotourappearance，inapairoftweed"dittos，"blackangoracoatandvest，stand-upcollar，andchimney-pothat！No，itmustbeoursheerforceofcharacterthatcompelstheiradmiration。
　　Whatagoodtimeourancestorsmusthavehadwasborneinuponmewhen，ononeoccasion，Iappearedincharacteratafancydressball。WhatIrepresentedIamunabletosay，andIdon’tparticularlycare。Ionlyknowitwassomethingmilitary。Ialsorememberthatthecostumewastwosizestoosmallformeinthechest，andthereabouts；andthreesizestoolargeformeinthehat。
　　Ipaddedthehat，anddinedinthemiddleofthedayoffachopandhalfaglassofsoda-water。Ihavegainedprizesasaboyformathematics，alsoforscripturehistory——notoften，butIhavedoneit。Aliterarycritic，nowdead，oncepraisedabookofmine。I
　　knowtherehavebeenoccasionswhenmyconducthaswontheapprobationofgoodmen；butnever——neverinmywholelife，haveI
　　feltmoreproud，moresatisfiedwithmyselfthanonthateveningwhen，thelasthookfastened，Igazedatmyfull-lengthSelfinthechevalglass。Iwasadream。Isayitwhoshouldnot；butIamnottheonlyonewhosaidit。Iwasaglitteringdream。Thegroundworkwasred，trimmedwithgoldbraidwherevertherewasroomforgoldbraid；andwheretherewasnomorepossibleroomforgoldbraidtherehunggoldcords，andtassels，andstraps。Goldbuttonsandbucklesfastenedme，goldembroideredbeltsandsashescaressedme，whitehorse-hairplumeswavedo’erme。Iamnotsurethateverythingwasinitsproperplace，butImanagedtogeteverythingonsomehow，andIlookedwell。Itsuitedme。Mysuccesswasarevelationtomeoffemalehumannature。Girlswhohadhithertobeencoldanddistantgatheredroundme，timidlysolicitousofnotice。GirlsonwhomIsmiledlosttheirheadsandgavethemselvesairs。Girlswhowerenotintroducedtomesulkedandwererudetogirlsthathadbeen。Foronepoorchild，withwhomIsatouttwodances（atleastshesat，whileIstoodgracefullybesideher——Ihadbeenadvised，bythecostumier，NOTtosit），Iwassorry。Hewasaworthyyoungfellow，thesonofacottonbroker，andhewouldhavemadeheragoodhusband，Ifeelsure。Buthewasfoolishtocomeasabeer-bottle。
　　Perhaps，afterall，itisaswellthoseoldfashionshavegoneout。
　　Aweekinthatsuitmighthaveimpairedmynaturalmodesty。
　　Onewondersthatfancydressballsarenotmorepopularinthisgreyageofours。Thechildishinstinctto"dressup，"to"makebelieve，"iswithusall。Wegrowsotiredofbeingalwaysourselves。Atea-tablediscussion，atwhichIonceassisted，fellintothis：-Wouldanyoneofus，whenitcametothepoint，changewithanybodyelse，thepoormanwiththemillionaire，thegovernesswiththeprincess——changenotonlyoutwardcircumstancesandsurroundings，buthealthandtemperament，heart，brain，andsoul；sothatnotonementalorphysicalparticleofone’soriginalselfonewouldretain，saveonlymemory？Thegeneralopinionwasthatwewouldnot，butoneladymaintainedtheaffirmative。
　　"Ohno，youwouldn’treally，dear，"arguedafriend；"youTHINKyouwould。"
　　"Yes，Iwould，"persistedthefirstlady；"Iamtiredofmyself。
　　I’devenbeyou，forachange。"
　　Inmyyouth，thequestionchieflyimportanttomewas——WhatsortofmanshallIdecidetobe？Atnineteenoneasksoneselfthisquestion；atthirty-ninewesay，"IwishFatehadn’tmademethissortofman。"
　　InthosedaysIwasareaderofmuchwell-meantadvicetoyoungmen，andIgatheredthat，whetherIshouldbecomeaSirLancelot，aHerrTeufelsdrockh，oranIagowasamatterformyownindividualchoice。
　　WhetherIshouldgothroughlifegailyorgravelywasaquestiontheprosandconsofwhichIcarefullyconsidered。ForpatternsI
　　turnedtobooks。Byronwasthenstillpopular，andmanyofusmadeupourmindstobegloomy，saturnineyoungmen，wearywiththeworld，andpronetosoliloquy。Ideterminedtojointhem。
　　ForamonthIrarelysmiled，or，whenIdid，itwaswithaweary，bittersmile，concealingabrokenheart——atleastthatwastheintention。Shallow-mindedobserversmisunderstood。
　　"Iknowexactlyhowitfeels，"theywouldsay，lookingatmesympathetically，"Ioftenhaveitmyself。It’sthesuddenchangeintheweather，Ithink；"andtheywouldpressneatbrandyuponme，andsuggestginger。
　　Again，itisdistressingtotheyoungman，busyburyinghissecretsorrowunderamoundofsilence，tobeslappedonthebackbycommonplacepeopleandasked——"Well，how’s’thehump’thismorning？"
　　andtohearhismoodofdignifiedmelancholyreferredto，bythosewhoshouldknowbetter，as"thesulks。"
　　TherearepracticaldifficultiesalsointhewayofhimwhowouldplaytheByronicyounggentleman。Hemustbesupernaturallywicked——orrathermusthavebeen；only，alas！intheunliterarygrammaroflife，wherethefuturetensestandsfirst，andthepastisformed，notfromtheindefinite，butfromthepresentindicative，"tohavebeen"is"tobe"；andtobewickedonasmallincomeisimpossible。Theruinofeventhesimplestofmaidenscostsmoney。
　　IntheCourtsofLoveonecannotsueinformapauperis；norwoulditbetheByronicmethod。
　　"Todrownremembranceinthecup"soundswell，butthenthe"cup，"
　　tobefitting，shouldbeofsomeexpensivebrand。TodrinkdeepofoldTokayorAstiispoetical；butwhenone’spursenecessitatesthatthedraught，ifitistobedeepenoughtodrownanything，shouldbeofthinbeeratfive-and-ninethefourandahalfgalloncask，orsomethingsimilarinprice，sinisrobbedofitsflavour。
　　Possiblyalso——letmethinkit——theconvictionmayhavebeenwithinmethatVice，evenatitsdaintiest，isbutanugly，sordidthing，repulsiveinthesunlight；thatthough——asragsanddirttoart——itmayaffordpicturesquematerialtoLiterature，itisanevil-smellinggarmenttothewearer；onethatagoodman，byreasonofpovertyofwill，maycomedownto，butonetobeavoidedwithallone’seffort，discardedwithreturningmentalprosperity。
　　Bethisasitmay，Igrewwearyoftrainingforasaturnineyoungman；and，inthemidstofmydoubt，Ichanceduponabooktheheroofwhichwasadebonnaireyoungbuck，owncousintoTomandJerry。
　　Heattendedfights，bothofcocksandmen，flirtedwithactresses，wrenchedoffdoor-knockers，extinguishedstreetlamps，playedmanyamerryjestuponmanyanunappreciativenightwatch-man。Forallthewhichhewasmuchbelovedbythewomenofthebook。WhyshouldnotIflirtwithactresses，putoutstreetlamps，playpranksonpolicemen，andbebeloved？Londonlifewaschangedsincethedaysofmyhero，butmuchremained，andtheheartofwomaniseternal。
　　Ifnolongerprizefightingwastobehad，atleasttherewereboxingcompetitions，socalled，indingybackparloursoutWhitechapelway。
　　Thoughcockfightingwasalostsport，weretherenotdampcellarsneartheriverwherefortwopenceagentlemanmightbackmongrelterrierstokillratsagainsttime，andfeelhimselfindeedasportsman？True，theatmosphereofrecklessgaiety，alwayssurroundingmyhero，Imissedmyselffromthesescenes，findinginitsplaceanatmospheremoresuggestiveofgin，staletobacco，andnervousapprehensionofthepolice；buttheessentialsmusthavebeenthesame，andthenextmorningIcouldexclaimintheverywordsofmyprototype——"Oddscrickets，butIfeelasthoughthedevilhimselfwereinmyhead。Pestetakemeforafool。"
　　Butinthisdirectionlikewisemyfatallackofmeansopposedme。
　　（Itaffordsmuchfoodtothephilosophicmind，thisinfluenceofincomeuponcharacter。）Evenfifth-rate"boxingcompetitions，"
　　organizedby"friendlyleads，"andrattingcontestsinRotherhitheslums，becomeexpensive，whenyouhappentobetheonlygentlemanpresentpossessedofacollar，andareexpectedtodothehonoursofyourclassindog’s-nose。True，climbinglamp-postsandputtingoutthegasisfairlycheap，providingalwaysyouarenotcaughtintheact，butasarecreationitlacksvariety。NoristhemodernLondonlamp-postadaptedtosport。Anythingmoredifficulttogrip——anythingwithless"give"init——Ihaverarelyclasped。Thedisgracefulamountofdirtallowedtoaccumulateuponitisanotherdrawbackfromtheclimber’spointofview。Bythetimeyouhaveswarmedupyourthirdpostapositivedistastefor"gaiety"stealsoveryou。Yourdesireistowardsarnicaandabath。
　　Norinjokesattheexpenseofpolicemenisthefunentirelyonyourside。MaybeIdidnotproceedwithjudgment。Itoccurstomenow，lookingback，thattheneighbourhoodsofCoventGardenandGreatMarlboroughStreetwereill-chosenforsportofthisnature。Tobonnetafatpolicemanisexcellentfooling。Whileheisstrugglingwithhishelmetyoucanaskhimcomicquestions，andbythetimehehasgothisheadfreeyouareoutofsight。Butthegameshouldbeplayedinadistrictwherethereisnotanaverageofthreeconstablestoeverydozensquareyards。Whentwootherpolicemen，whohavehadtheireyeonyouforthepasttenminutes，arewatchingtheproceedingsfromjustroundthenextcorner，youhavelittleornoleisurefordueenjoymentofthesituation。BythetimeyouhaverunthewholelengthofGreatTitchfieldStreetandtwiceroundOxfordMarket，youareofopinionthatajokeshouldneverbeprolongedbeyondthepointatwhichthereisdangerofitsbecomingwearisome；andthatthetimehasnowarrivedforhomeandfriends。
　　The"Law，"ontheotherhand，nowraisedbyreinforcementstoastrengthofsixorsevenmen，isjustbeginningtoenjoythechase。
　　Youpicturetoyourself，whiledoingHanoverSquare，thesceneinCourtthenextmorning。Youwillbeaccusedofbeingdrunkanddisorderly。Itwillbeidleforyoutoexplaintothemagistrate（ortoyourrelationsafterwards）thatyouwereonlytryingtoliveuptoamanwhodidthissortofthinginabookandwasadmiredforit。Youwillbefinedtheusualfortyshillings；andonthenextoccasionofyourcallingattheMayfields’thegirlswillbeout，andMrs。Mayfield，anexcellentlady，whohasalwaystakenamotherlyinterestinyou，willtalkseriouslytoyouandurgeyoutosignthepledge。
　　ThankstoyouryouthandconstitutionyoushakeoffthepursuitatNottingHill；and，toavoidanychanceofunpleasantcontretempsonthereturnjourney，walkhometoBloomsburybywayofCamdenTownandIslington。
　　IabandonedsportivetendenciesastheresultofavowmadebymyselftoProvidence，duringtheearlyhoursofacertainSundaymorning，whileclingingtothewaterspoutofanunpretentioushousesituateinasidestreetoffSoho。IputittoProvidenceasmantoman。"Letmeonlygetoutofthis，"IthinkwerethemutteredwordsIused，"andnomore’sport’forme。"Providenceclosedontheoffer，anddidletmegetoutofit。True，itwasacomplicated"getout，"involvingabrokenskylightandthreegasglobes，twohoursinacoalcellar，andasovereigntoapotmanfortheloanofanulster；andwhenatlast，secureinmychamber，Itookstockofmyself——whatwasleftofme，——IcouldnotbutreflectthatProvidencemighthavedonethejobneater。YetIexperiencednodesiretoescapethetermsofthecovenant；myincliningforthefuturewastowardsalifeofsimplicity。
　　Accordingly，Icastaboutforanewcharacter，andfoundonetosuitme。TheGermanprofessorwasbecomingpopularasaheroaboutthisperiod。Heworehishairlongandwasotherwiseuntidy，buthehad"aheartofsteel，"occasionallyofgold。Themajorityoffolksinthebook，judginghimfromhisexteriortogetherwithhisconversation——inbrokenEnglish，dealingchieflywithhisdeadmotherandhislittlesisterLisa，——dubbedhimuninteresting，butthentheydidnotknowabouttheheart。Hischiefpossessionwasalamedogwhichhehadrescuedfromabrutalmob；andwhenhewasnottalkingbrokenEnglishhewasnursingthisdog。
　　Buthisspecialitywasstoppingrunawayhorses，therebysavingtheheroine’slife。This，combinedwiththebrokenEnglishandthedog，renderedhimirresistible。
　　Heseemedapeaceful，amiablesortofcreature，andIdecidedtotryhim。IcouldnotofcoursebeaGermanprofessor，butIcould，anddid，wearmyhairlonginspiteofmuchpublicadvicetothecontrary，voicedchieflybysmallboys。Iendeavouredtoobtainpossessionofalamedog，butfailed。Aone-eyeddealerinSevenDials，towhom，asalastresource，Iapplied，offeredtolameoneformeforanextrafiveshillings，butthissuggestionIdeclined。
　　Icameacrossanuncanny-lookingmongrellateonenight。Hewasnotlame，butheseemedprettysick；and，feelingIwasnotrobbinganybodyofanythingveryvaluable，Iluredhimhomeandnursedhim。
　　IfancyImusthaveover-nursedhim。Hegotsohealthyintheend，therewasnodoinganythingwithhim。Hewasanill-conditionedcur，andhewastoooldtobetaught。Hebecamethecurseoftheneighbourhood。Hisideaofsportwaskillingchickensandsneakingrabbitsfromoutsidepoulterers’shops。Forrecreationhekilledcatsandfrightenedsmallchildrenbyyelpingroundtheirlegs。
　　ThereweretimeswhenIcouldhavelamedhimmyself，ifonlyIcouldhavegotholdofhim。Imadenothingbyrunningthatdog——nothingwhatever。People，insteadofadmiringmefornursinghimbacktolife，calledmeafool，andsaidthatifIdidn’tdrownthebrutetheywould。Hespoiltmycharacterutterly——Imeanmycharacteratthisperiod。Itisdifficulttoposeasayoungmanwithaheartofgold，whendiscoveredinthemiddleoftheroadthrowingstonesatyourowndog。Andstonesweretheonlythingsthatwouldreachandinfluencehim。
　　Iwasalsohamperedbyascarcityinrunawayhorses。Thehorseofoursuburbwasnotthattypeofhorse。Onceandonlyoncedidanopportunityofferitselfforpractice。Itwasagoodopportunity，inasmuchashewasnotrunningawayverygreatly。Indeed，Idoubtifheknewhimselfthathewasrunningaway。Ittranspiredafterwardsthatitwasahabitofhis，afterwaitingforhisdriveroutsidetheRoseandCrownforwhatheconsideredtobeareasonableperiod，totrothomeonhisownaccount。Hepassedmegoingaboutsevenmilesanhour，withthereinsdraggingconvenientlybesidehim。Hewastheverythingforabeginner，andIpreparedmyself。
　　Atthecriticalmoment，however，acoupleofofficiouspolicemenpushedmeasideanddiditthemselves。
　　Therewasnothingformetoregret，asthematterturnedout。I
　　shouldonlyhaverescuedabald-headedcommercialtraveller，verydrunk，whosworehorribly，andpeltedthecrowdwithemptycollar-boxes。
　　FromthewindowofaveryhighflatIoncewatchedthreemen，resolvedtostoparunawayhorse。Eachmanmarcheddeliberatelyintothemiddleoftheroadandtookuphisstand。Mywindowwastoofarawayformetoseetheirfaces，buttheirattitudesuggestedheroismuntodeath。Thefirstman，asthehorsecamechargingtowardshim，faceditwithhisarmsspreadout。Heneverflincheduntilthehorsewaswithinabouttwentyyardsofhim。Then，astheanimalwasevidentlydeterminedtocontinueitswildcareer，therewasnothingleftforhimtodobuttoretireagaintothekerb，wherehestoodlookingafteritwithevidentsorrow，asthoughsayingtohimself——"Oh，well，ifyouaregoingtobeheadstrongI
　　havedonewithyou。"
　　Thesecondman，onthecatastrophebeingthusleftclearforhim，withoutamoment’shesitation，walkedupabyestreetanddisappeared。Thethirdmanstoodhisground，and，asthehorsepassedhim，yelledatit。Icouldnothearwhathesaid。Ihavenottheslightestdoubtitwasexcellentadvice，buttheanimalwasapparentlytooexcitedeventolisten。Thefirstandthethirdmanmetafterwards，anddiscussedthemattersympathetically。Ijudgedtheywereregrettingthepig-headednessofrunawayhorsesingeneral，andhopingthatnobodyhadbeenhurt。
　　IforgettheothercharactersIassumedaboutthisperiod。One，I
　　know，thatgotmeintoagooddealoftroublewasthatofadownright，honest，hearty，outspokenyoungmanwhoalwayssaidwhathemeant。
　　Ineverknewbutonemanwhomadearealsuccessofspeakinghismind。Ihaveheardhimslapthetablewithhisopenhandandexclaim——
　　"Youwantmetoflatteryou——tostuffyouupwithapackoflies。
　　That’snotme，that’snotJimCompton。Butifyoucareformyhonestopinion，allIcansayis，thatchildisthemostmarvellousperformeronthepianoI’veeverheard。Idon’tsaysheisagenius，butIhaveheardLisztandMetzlerandallthecrackplayers，andIpreferHER。That’smyopinion。Ispeakmymind，andIcan’thelpitifyou’reoffended。"
　　"Howrefreshing，"theparentswouldsay，"tocomeacrossamanwhoisnotafraidtosaywhathereallythinks。Whyarewenotalloutspoken？"
　　ThelastcharacterIattemptedIthoughtwouldbeeasytoassume。
　　Itwasthatofamuchadmiredandbelovedyoungman，whosegreatcharmlayinthefactthathewasalwaysjust——himself。Otherpeopleposedandacted。Henevermadeanyefforttobeanythingbuthisownnatural，simpleself。
　　IthoughtIalsowouldbemyownnatural，simpleself。Butthenthequestionarose——Whatwasmyownnatural，simpleself？
　　ThatwasthepreliminaryproblemIhadtosolve；Ihavenotsolvedittothisday。WhatamI？Iamagreatgentleman，walkingthroughtheworldwithdauntlessheartandheaderect，scornfulofallmeanness，impatientofalllittleness。Iamamean-thinking，little-daringman——thetypeofmanthatIofthedauntlessheartandtheerectheaddespisegreatly——crawlingtoapoorendbydeviousways，cringingtothestrong，timidofallpain。I——but，dearreader，IwillnotsaddenyoursensitiveearswithdetailsIcouldgiveyou，showinghowcontemptibleacreaturethiswretchedI
　　happenstobe。Norwouldyouunderstandme。Youwouldonlybeastonished，discoveringthatsuchdisreputablespecimensofhumanitycontrivetoexistinthisage。Itisbest，mydearsir，ormadam，youshouldremainignorantoftheseevilpersons。Letmenottroubleyouwithknowledge。
　　Iamaphilosopher，greetingalikethethunderandthesunshinewithfrolicwelcome。Onlynowandthen，whenallthingsdonotfallexactlyasIwishthem，whenfoolish，wickedpeoplewillpersistindoingfoolish，wickedacts，affectingmycomfortandhappiness，I
　　rageandfretagoodishdeal。
　　AsHeinesaidofhimself，Iamknight，too，oftheHolyGrail，valiantfortheTruth，reverentofallwomen，honouringallmen，eagertoyieldlifetotheserviceofmygreatCaptain。
　　Andnextmoment，Ifindmyselfintheenemy’slines，fightingundertheblackbanner。（ItmustbeconfusingtotheseopposingGenerals，alltheirsoldiersbeingdesertersfrombotharmies。）Whatarewomenbutmen’splaythings！Shalltherebenomorecakesandaleformebecausethouartvirtuous！Whataremenbuthungrydogs，contendingeachagainsteachforalimitedsupplyofbones！Dootherslestthoubedone。WhatistheTruthbutanunexplodedlie！
　　Iamaloverofalllivingthings。You，mypoorsister，strugglingwithyourheavyburdenonyourlonelyway，Iwouldkissthetearsfromyourworncheeks，lightenwithmylovethedarknessaroundyourfeet。You，mypatientbrother，breathinghardasroundandroundyoutrampthetroddenpath，likesomepoorhalf-blindgin-horse，stripesyouronlyencouragement，scantystoreofdrychaffinyourmanger！Iwouldjogbesideyou，takingthestrainalittlefromyourachingshoulders；andwewouldwalknodding，ourheadssidebyside，andyou，remembering，shouldtellmeofthefieldswherelongagoyouplayed，ofthegallantracesthatyouranandwon。Andyou，littlepinchedbrats，withwonderingeyes，lookingfromdirt-encrustedfaces，Iwouldtakeyouinmyarmsandtellyoufairystories。Intothesweetlandofmake-believewewouldwander，leavingthesadoldworldbehindusforatime，andyoushouldbePrincesandPrincesses，andknowLove。
　　Butagain，aselfish，greedymancomesoften，andsitsinmyclothes。Amanwhofretsawayhislife，planninghowtogetmoremoney——morefood，moreclothes，morepleasuresforhimself；amansobusythinkingofthemanythingsheneedshehasnotimetodwellupontheneedsofothers。Hedeemshimselfthecentreoftheuniverse。Youwouldimagine，hearinghimgrumbling，thattheworldhadbeencreatedandgotreadyagainstthetimewhenheshouldcometotakehispleasureinit。Hewouldpushandtrample，heedless，reachingtowardsthesemanydesiresofhis；andwhen，grabbing，hemisses，hecursesHeavenforitsinjustice，andmenandwomenforgettinginhispath。Heisnotaniceman，inanyway。Iwish，asIsay，hewouldnotcomesooftenandsitinmyclothes。HepersiststhatheisI，andthatIamonlyasentimentalfool，spoilinghischances。Sometimes，forawhile，Igetridofhim，buthealwayscomesback；andthenhegetsridofmeandIbecomehim。
　　Itisveryconfusing。SometimesIwonderifIreallyammyself。
　　ONTHEDISADVANTAGEOFNOTGETTINGWHATONEWANTS
　　Long，longago，whenyouandI，dearReader，wereyoung，whenthefairiesdweltintheheartsoftheroses，whenthemoonbeamsbenteachnightbeneaththeweightofangels’feet，therelivedagood，wiseman。Orrather，Ishouldsay，therehadlived，foratthetimeofwhichIspeakthepooroldgentlemanlaydying。Waitingeachmomentthedreadsummons，hefella-musingonthelifethatstretchedfarbackbehindhim。Howfullitseemedtohimatthatmomentoffolliesandmistakes，bringingbittertearsnottohimselfalonebuttoothersalso。Howmuchbrighteraroadmightithavebeen，hadhebeenwiser，hadheknown！
　　"Ah，me！"saidthegoodoldgentleman，"ifonlyIcouldlivemylifeagaininthelightofexperience。"
　　NowashespokethesewordshefeltthedrawingneartohimofaPresence，andthinkingitwastheOnewhomheexpected，raisinghimselfalittlefromhisbed，hefeeblycried，"Iamready。"
　　Butahandforcedhimgentlyback，avoicesaying，"Notyet；Ibringlife，notdeath。Yourwishshallbegranted。Youshallliveyourlifeagain，andtheknowledgeofthepastshallbewithyoutoguideyou。Seeyouuseit。Iwillcomeagain。"
　　Thenasleepfelluponthegoodman，andwhenheawoke，hewasagainalittlechild，lyinginhismother’sarms；but，lockedwithinhisbrainwastheknowledgeofthelifethathehadlivedalready。
　　Sooncemorehelivedandlovedandlaboured。Soasecondtimehelayanold，wornmanwithlifebehindhim。Andtheangelstoodagainbesidehisbed；andthevoicesaid，"Well，areyoucontentnow？"
　　"Iamwellcontent，"saidtheoldgentleman。"LetDeathcome。"
　　"Andhaveyouunderstood？"askedtheangel。
　　"Ithinkso，"wastheanswer；"thatexperienceisbutasofthememoryofthepathwayshehastrodtoatravellerjourneyingeveronwardintoanunknownland。Ihavebeenwiseonlytoreaptherewardoffolly。Knowledgehasofttimeskeptmefrommygood。I
　　haveavoidedmyoldmistakesonlytofallintoothersthatIknewnotof。Ihavereachedtheolderrorsbynewroads。WhereIhaveescapedsorrowIhavelostjoy。WhereIhavegraspedhappinessI
　　havepluckedpainalso。NowletmegowithDeaththatImaylearn……"
　　Whichwassoliketheangelofthatperiod，thegivingofagift，bringingtoamanonlymoretrouble。MaybeIamoverratingmycoolnessofjudgmentundersomewhatstartlingcircumstances，butI
　　aminclinedtothinkthat，hadIlivedinthosedays，andhadafairyoranangelcometome，wantingtogivemesomething——mysoul’sdesire，orthesumofmyambition，oranytrifleofthatkindIshouldhavebeenshortwithhim。
　　"Youpackupthatpreciousbagoftricksofyours，"Ishouldhavesaidtohim（itwouldhavebeenrude，butthatishowIshouldhavefelt），"andgetoutsidewithit。I’mnottakinganythinginyourlineto-day。Idon’trequireanysupernaturalaidtogetmeintotrouble。AlltheworryIwantIcangetdownhere，soit’snogoodyourcalling。Youtakethatlittlejokeofyours，——Idon’tknowwhatitis，butIknowenoughnottowanttoknow，——andrunitoffonsomeotheridiot。I’mnotpriggish。Ihavenoobjectiontoaninnocentgameof’catch-questions’intheordinaryway，andwhenI
　　getaturnmyself。ButifI’vegottopayeverytime，andthestakesaretobemyearthlyhappinessplusmyfutureexistence——why，Idon’tplay。TherewasthecaseofMidas；anice，shabbytrickyoufellowsplayedoffuponhim！makingpretenceyoudidnotunderstandhim，twistingroundthepooroldfellow’swords，justforalltheworldasthoughyouwereapackofOldBaileylawyers，tryingtotripupawitness；I’mashamedofthelotofyou，andItellyouso——
　　comingdownhere，foolingpoorunsuspectingmortalswithyournonsense，asthoughwehadnotenoughtoharryusasitwas。Thentherewasthatothercaseofthepooroldpeasantcoupletowhomyoupromisedthreewishes，thewholethingendinginablackpudding。
　　Andtheynevergoteventhat。Youthoughtthatfunny，Isuppose。
　　Thatwasyourfairyhumour！Apity，Isay，youhavenot，allofyou，somethingbettertodowithyourtime。AsIsaidbefore，youtakethatcelestial’JoeMiller’ofyoursandworkitoffonsomebodyelse。Ihavereadmyfairylore，andIhavereadmymythology，andIdon’twantanyofyourblessings。Andwhat’smore，I’mnotgoingtohavethem。WhenIwantblessingsIwillputupwiththeusualsortweareaccustomedtodownhere。YouknowtheonesImean，thedisguisedbrand——theblessingsthatnohumanbeingwouldthinkwereblessings，ifhewerenottold；theblessingsthatdon’tlooklikeblessings，thatdon’tfeellikeblessings；that，asamatteroffact，arenotblessings，practicallyspeaking；theblessingsthatotherpeoplethinkareblessingsforusandthatwedon’t。They’vegottheirdrawbacks，buttheyarebetterthanyours，atanyrate，andtheyaresoonerover。Idon’twantyourblessingsatanyprice。IfyouleaveonehereIshallsimplythrowitoutafteryou。"
　　IfeelconfidentIshouldhaveansweredinthatstrain，andIfeelitwouldhavedonegood。Somebodyoughttohavespokenplainly，becausewithfairiesandangelsofthatsortfoolingabout，noonewaseversafeforamoment。Childrencouldhardlyhavebeenallowedoutsidethedoor。Onenevercouldhavetoldwhatsillytricksomewould-befunnyfairymightbewaitingtoplayoffonthem。Thepoorchildwouldnotknow，andwouldthinkitwasgettingsomethingworthhaving。Thewondertomeisthatsomeofthoseangelsdidn’tgettarredandfeathered。
　　IamdoubtfulwhetherevenCinderella’sluckwasquiteassatisfyingasweareledtobelieve。Afterthecarpetlesskitchenandtheblackbeetles，howbeautifulthepalacemusthaveseemed——forthefirstyear，perhapsforthefirsttwo。AndthePrince！howloving，howgallant，howtender——forthefirstyear，perhapsforthefirsttwo。Andafter？YouseehewasaPrince，broughtupinaCourt，theatmosphereofwhichisnotconducivetothedevelopmentofthedomesticvirtues；andshe——wasCinderella。Andthenthemarriagealtogetherwasratherahurriedaffair。Ohyes，sheisagood，lovinglittlewoman；butperhapsourRoyalHighness-shipdidacttoomuchontheimpulseofthemoment。Itwasherdear，daintyfeetthatdancedtheirwayintoourheart。Howtheyflashedandtwinkled，easedinthosefairyslippers。Howlikealilyamongtulipsshemovedthatnightamidtheover-gorgeousCourtdames。Shewassosweet，sofresh，sodifferenttoalltheotherswhomweknewsowell。Howhappyshelookedassheputhertremblinglittlehandinours。Whatpossibilitiesmightliebehindthosedroopinglashes。
　　Andwewereinamorousmoodthatnight，themusicinourfeet，theflashandglitterinoureyes。Andthen，topiqueusfurther，shedisappearedassuddenlyandstrangelyasshehadcome。Whowasshe？
　　Whencecameshe？Whatwasthemysterysurroundingher？Wassheonlyadeliciousdream，ahauntingphantasythatweshouldneverlookuponagain，neverclaspagainwithinourlongingarms？Wasourhearttobeforeverhungry，hauntedbythememoryof——No，byheavens，sheisreal，andawoman。Hereisherdearslipper，madesurelytobekissed。Ofasizetoothatamanmaywellwearwithinthebreastofhisdoublet。Hadanywoman——nay，fairy，angel，suchdearfeet！Searchthewholekingdomthrough，butfindher，findher。Thegodshaveheardourprayers，andgivenusthisclue。
　　"Supposeshebenotallsheseemed。Supposeshebenotofbirthfittomatewithournoblehouse！"Outuponthee，foranearth-bound，blindcurmudgeonofaLordHighChancellor。Howcouldawoman，whomsuchslipperfitted，bebutofthenoblestandthebest，asfaraboveus，merePrinceletthatweare，asthestarsinheavenarebrighterthanthydulloldeyes！Go，searchthekingdom，wetellthee，fromeasttowest，fromnorthtosouth，andseetoitthatthoufindesther，oritshallgohardwiththee。ByVenus，besheaswineherd’sdaughter，sheshallbeourQueen——anshedeigntoacceptofus，andofourkingdom。
　　Ahwell，ofcourse，itwasnotawisepieceofbusiness，thatgoeswithoutsaying；butwewereyoung，andPrincesareonlyhuman。Poorchild，shecouldnothelphereducation，orratherherlackofit。
　　Dearlittlething，thewonderisthatshehascontrivedtobenomoreignorantthansheis，draggedupasshewas，neglectedandoverworked。Nordoeslifeinakitchen，amidthecompanionshipofpeasantsandmenials，tendtofostertheintellect。Whocanblameherforbeingshyandsomewhatdullofthought？notwe，generous-
　　minded，kind-heartedPrincethatweare。Andsheisveryaffectionate。Thefamilyaretrying，certainly；father-in-lawnotabadsort，thoughalittleprosywhenuponthesubjectofhisdomestictroubles，andalittletoofondofhisglass；mamma-in-law，andthosetwougly，ill-manneredsisters，decidedlyanuisanceaboutthepalace。Yetwhatcanwedo？theyareourrelationsnow，andtheydonotforgettoletusknowit。Well，well，wehadtoexpectthat，andthingsmighthavebeenworse。Anyhowsheisnotjealous——
　　thankgoodness。
　　SothedaycomeswhenpoorlittleCinderellasitsaloneofanightinthebeautifulpalace。Thecourtiershavegonehomeintheircarriages。TheLordHighChancellorhasbowedhimselfoutbackwards。TheGold-Stick-in-WaitingandtheGroomsoftheChamberhavegonetotheirbeds。TheMaidsofHonourhavesaid"Good-
　　night，"anddriftedoutofthedoor，laughingandwhisperingamongthemselves。Theclockstrikestwelve——one——two，andstillnofootstepcreaksuponthestair。Onceitfollowedswiftlyuponthe"good-night"ofthemaids，whodidnotlaughorwhisperthen。
　　Atlastthedooropens，andthePrinceenters，nonetoopleasedatfindingCinderellastillawake。"SosorryI’mlate，mylove——
　　detainedonaffairsofstate。Foreignpolicyverycomplicated，dear。HaveonlyjustthismomentlefttheCouncilChamber。"
　　AndlittleCinderella，whilethePrincesleeps，liessobbingoutherpoorsadheartintothebeautifulroyalpillow，embroideredwiththeroyalarmsandedgedwiththeroyalmonograminlace。"Whydidheevermarryme？Ishouldhavebeenhappierintheoldkitchen。Theblackbeetlesdidfrightenmealittle，buttherewasalwaysthedearoldcat；andsometimes，whenmotherandthegirlswereout，papawouldcallsoftlydownthekitchenstairsformetocomeup，andwewouldhavesuchamerryeveningtogether，andsupoffsausages：dearolddad，Ihardlyeverseehimnow。Andthen，whenmyworkwasdone，howpleasantitwastositinfrontofthefire，anddreamofthewonderfulthingsthatwouldcometomesomeday。I
　　wasalwaysgoingtobeaPrincess，eveninmydreams，andliveinapalace，butitwassodifferenttothis。Oh，howIhateit，thisbeastlypalacewhereeverybodysneersatme——Iknowtheydo，thoughtheybowandscrape，andpretendtobesopolite。AndI’mnotcleverandsmartastheyare。Ihatethem。Ihatethesebold-facedwomenwhoarealwayshere。Thatistheworstofapalace，everybodycancomein。Oh，Ihateeverybodyandeverything。Oh，god-mamma，god-mamma，comeandtakemeaway。Takemebacktomyoldkitchen。
　　Givemebackmyoldpoorfrock。Letmedanceagainwiththefire-
　　tongsforapartner，andbehappy，dreaming。"
　　PoorlittleCinderella，perhapsitwouldhavebeenbetterhadgod-
　　mammabeenlessambitiousforyou，dear；hadyoumarriedsomegood，honestyeoman，whowouldneverhaveknownthatyouwerenotbrilliant，whowouldhavelovedyoubecauseyouwerejustamiableandpretty；hadyourkingdombeenonlyafarmhouse，whereyourknowledgeofdomesticeconomy，gainedsohardly，wouldhavebeenuseful；whereyouwouldhaveshoneinsteadofbeingovershadowed；
　　wherePapawouldhavedroppedinofaneveningtosmokehispipeandescapefromhisdomesticwrangles；whereyouwouldhavebeenREAL
　　Queen。
　　Butthenyouknow，dear，youwouldnothavebeencontent。Ahyes，withyourpresentexperience——nowyouknowthatQueensaswellaslittledrudgeshavetheirtroubles；butWITHOUTthatexperience？
　　Youwouldhavelookedintheglasswhenyouwerealone；youwouldhavelookedatyourshapelyhandsandfeet，andtheshadowswouldhavecrossedyourprettyface。"Yes，"youwouldhavesaidtoyourself——"Johnisadear，kindfellow，andIlovehimverymuch，andallthat，but——"andtheolddreams，dreamtintheoldlow-
　　ceilingedkitchenbeforethedyingfire，wouldhavecomebacktoyou，andyouwouldhavebeendiscontentedthenasnow，onlyinadifferentway。Ohyes，youwould，Cinderella，thoughyougravelyshakeyourgold-crownedhead。Andletmetellyouwhy。Itisbecauseyouareawoman，andthefateofallus，menandwomenalike，istobeforeverwantingwhatwehavenot，andtobefinding，whenwehaveit，thatitisnotwhatwewanted。Thatisthelawoflife，dear。Doyouthinkasyoulieuponthefloorwithyourheaduponyourarms，thatyouaretheonlywomanwhosetearsaresoakingintothehearthrugatthatmoment？MydearPrincess，ifyoucouldcreepunseenaboutyourCity，peepingatwillthroughthecurtain-shieldedwindows，youwouldcometothinkthatalltheworldwaslittleelsethanabignurseryfullofcryingchildrenwithnonetocomfortthem。Thedollisbroken：nolongeritsweetlysqueaksinanswertoourpressure，"Iloveyou，kissme。"Thedrumliessilentwiththedrumstickinside；nolongerdowemakeabravenoiseinthenursery。Theboxoftea-thingswehaveclumsilyputourfootupon；therewillbenomoremerrypartiesaroundthethree-leggedstool。Thetintrumpetwillnotplaythenotewewanttosound；thewoodenbrickskeepfallingdown；thetoycannonhasexplodedandburntourfingers。Nevermind，littleman，littlewoman，wewilltryandmendthingstomorrow。
　　Andafterall，Cinderelladear，youdoliveinafinepalace，andyouhavejewelsandgranddressesand——No，no，donotbeindignantwithME。DidnotyoudreamofthesethingsASWELLASoflove？
　　Comenow，behonest。Itwasalwaysaprince，wasitnot，or，attheleast，anexceedinglywell-to-doparty，thathandsomeyounggentlemanwhobowedtoyousogallantlyfromtheredembers？Hewasneveravirtuousyoungcommercialtraveller，orculturedclerk，earningasalaryofthreepoundsaweek，washe，Cinderella？Yettherearemanycharmingcommercialtravellers，manydelightfulclerkswithlimitedincomes，quitesufficient，however，toasensiblemanandwomandesiringbuteachother’slove。Whywasitalwaysaprince，Cinderella？Hadthepalaceandtheliveriedservants，andthecarriagesandhorses，andthejewelsandthedresses，NOTHINGtodowiththedream？