Contents：
　　TheToysofPeaceLouiseTeaTheDisappearanceofCrispinaUmberleighTheWolvesofCernogratzLouisTheGuestsThePenanceThePhantomLuncheonABreadandButterMissBertie'sChristmasEveForewarnedTheInterlopersQuailSeedCanossaTheThreatExceptingMrs。PentherbyMarkTheHedgehogTheMappinedLifeFateTheBullMorlveraShockTacticsTheSevenCreamJugsTheOccasionalGardenTheSheepTheOversightHyacinthTheImageoftheLostSoulThePurpleoftheBalkanKingsTheCupboardoftheYesterdaysFortheDurationoftheWarTHETOYSOFPEACE
　　"Harvey，"saidEleanorBope，handingherbrotheracuttingfromaLondonmorningpaperofthe19thofMarch，"justreadthisaboutchildren'stoys，please；itexactlycarriesoutsomeofourideasaboutinfluenceandupbringing。"
　　"IntheviewoftheNationalPeaceCouncil，"rantheextract，"therearegraveobjectionstopresentingourboyswithregimentsoffightingmen，batteriesofguns，andsquadronsof'Dreadnoughts。'
　　Boys，theCounciladmits，naturallylovefightingandallthepanoplyofwar……butthatisnoreasonforencouraging，andperhapsgivingpermanentformto，theirprimitiveinstincts。AttheChildren'sWelfareExhibition，whichopensatOlympiainthreeweeks'time，thePeaceCouncilwillmakeanalternativesuggestiontoparentsintheshapeofanexhibitionof'peacetoys。'Infrontofaspecially-paintedrepresentationofthePeacePalaceatTheHaguewillbegrouped，notminiaturesoldiersbutminiaturecivilians，notgunsbutploughsandthetoolsofindustry……Itishopedthatmanufacturersmaytakeahintfromtheexhibit，whichwillbearfruitinthetoyshops。"
　　"Theideaiscertainlyaninterestingandverywell-meaningone，"
　　saidHarvey；"whetheritwouldsucceedwellinpractice——"
　　"Wemusttry，"interruptedhissister；"youarecomingdowntousatEaster，andyoualwaysbringtheboyssometoys，sothatwillbeanexcellentopportunityforyoutoinauguratethenewexperiment。Goaboutintheshopsandbuyanylittletoysandmodelsthathavespecialbearingoncivilianlifeinitsmorepeacefulaspects。Ofcourseyoumustexplainthetoystothechildrenandinteresttheminthenewidea。Iregrettosaythatthe'SiegeofAdrianople'
　　toy，thattheirAuntSusansentthem，didn'tneedanyexplanation；
　　theyknewalltheuniformsandflags，andeventhenamesoftherespectivecommanders，andwhenIheardthemonedayusingwhatseemedtobethemostobjectionablelanguagetheysaiditwasBulgarianwordsofcommand；ofcourseitMAYhavebeen，butatanyrateItookthetoyawayfromthem。NowIshallexpectyourEastergiftstogivequiteanewimpulseanddirectiontothechildren'sminds；Ericisnotelevenyet，andBertieisonlynine-and-a-half，sotheyarereallyatamostimpressionableage。"
　　"Thereisprimitiveinstincttobetakenintoconsideration，youknow，"saidHenrydoubtfully，"andhereditarytendenciesaswell。
　　Oneoftheirgreat-unclesfoughtinthemostintolerantfashionatInkerman——hewasspeciallymentionedindispatches，Ibelieve——andtheirgreat-grandfathersmashedallhisWhigneighbours'hothouseswhenthegreatReformBillwaspassed。Still，asyousay，theyareatanimpressionableage。Iwilldomybest。"
　　OnEasterSaturdayHarveyBopeunpackedalarge，promising-lookingredcardboardboxundertheexpectanteyesofhisnephews。"Yourunclehasbroughtyouthenewestthingintoys，"Eleanorhadsaidimpressively，andyouthfulanticipationhadbeenanxiouslydividedbetweenAlbaniansoldieryandaSomalicamel-corps。Ericwashotlyinfavourofthelattercontingency。"TherewouldbeArabsonhorseback，"hewhispered；"theAlbanianshavegotjollyuniforms，andtheyfightalldaylong，andallnight，too，whenthere'samoon，butthecountry'srocky，sothey'vegotnocavalry。"
　　Aquantityofcrinklypapershavingswasthefirstthingthatmettheviewwhenthelidwasremoved；themostexitingtoysalwaysbeganlikethat。Harveypushedbackthetoplayeranddrewforthasquare，ratherfeaturelessbuilding。
　　"It'safort！"exclaimedBertie。
　　"Itisn't，it'sthepalaceoftheMpretofAlbania，"saidEric，immenselyproudofhisknowledgeoftheexotictitle；"it'sgotnowindows，yousee，sothatpassers-bycan'tfireinattheRoyalFamily。"
　　"It'samunicipaldust-bin，"saidHarveyhurriedly；"youseealltherefuseandlitterofatowniscollectedthere，insteadoflyingaboutandinjuringthehealthofthecitizens。"
　　Inanawfulsilencehedisinterredalittleleadfigureofamaninblackclothes。
　　"That，"hesaid，"isadistinguishedcivilian，JohnStuartMill。Hewasanauthorityonpoliticaleconomy。"
　　"Why？"askedBertie。
　　"Well，hewantedtobe；hethoughtitwasausefulthingtobe。"
　　Bertiegaveanexpressivegrunt，whichconveyedhisopinionthattherewasnoaccountingfortastes。
　　Anothersquarebuildingcameout，thistimewithwindowsandchimneys。
　　"AmodeloftheManchesterbranchoftheYoungWomen'sChristianAssociation，"saidHarvey。
　　"Arethereanylions？"askedErichopefully。HehadbeenreadingRomanhistoryandthoughtthatwhereyoufoundChristiansyoumightreasonablyexpecttofindafewlions。
　　"Therearenolions，"saidHarvey。"Hereisanothercivilian，RobertRaikes，thefounderofSundayschools，andhereisamodelofamunicipalwash-house。Theselittleroundthingsareloavesbackedinasanitarybakehouse。Thatleadfigureisasanitaryinspector，thisoneisadistrictcouncillor，andthisoneisanofficialoftheLocalGovernmentBoard。"
　　"Whatdoeshedo？"askedEricwearily。
　　"HeseestothingsconnectedwithhisDepartment，"saidHarvey。
　　"Thisboxwithaslitinitisaballot-box。Votesareputintoitatelectiontimes。"
　　"Whatisputintoitatothertimes？"askedBertie。
　　"Nothing。Andherearesometoolsofindustry，awheelbarrowandahoe，andIthinkthesearemeantforhop-poles。Thisisamodelbeehive，andthatisaventilator，forventilatingsewers。Thisseemstobeanothermunicipaldust-bin——no，itisamodelofaschoolofartandpubliclibrary。ThislittleleadfigureisMrs。
　　Hemans，apoetess，andthisisRowlandHill，whointroducedthesystemofpennypostage。ThisisSirJohnHerschel，theeminentastrologer。"
　　"Arewetoplaywiththesecivilianfigures？"askedEric。
　　"Ofcourse，"saidHarvey，"thesearetoys；theyaremeanttobeplayedwith。"
　　"Buthow？"
　　Itwasratheraposer。"YoumightmaketwoofthemcontestaseatinParliament，"saidHarvey，"anhaveanelection——"
　　"Withrotteneggs，andfreefights，andeversomanybrokenheads！"
　　exclaimedEric。
　　"Andnosesallbleedingandeverybodydrunkascanbe，"echoedBertie，whohadcarefullystudiedoneofHogarth'spictures。
　　"Nothingofthekind，"saidHarvey，"nothingintheleastlikethat。
　　Voteswillbeputintheballot-box，andtheMayorwillcountthem——
　　andhewillsaywhichhasreceivedthemostvotes，andthenthetwocandidateswillthankhimforpresiding，andeachwillsaythatthecontesthasbeenconductedthroughoutinthepleasantestandmoststraightforwardfashion，andtheypartwithexpressionsofmutualesteem。There'sajollygameforyouboystoplay。IneverhadsuchtoyswhenIwasyoung。"
　　"Idon'tthinkwe'llplaywiththemjustnow，"saidEric，withanentireabsenceoftheenthusiasmthathisunclehadshown；"Ithinkperhapsweoughttodoalittleofourholidaytask。It'shistorythistime；we'vegottolearnupsomethingabouttheBourbonperiodinFrance。"
　　"TheBourbonperiod，"saidHarvey，withsomedisapprovalinhisvoice。
　　"We'vegottoknowsomethingaboutLouistheFourteenth，"continuedEric；"I'velearntthenamesofalltheprincipalbattlesalready。"
　　Thiswouldneverdo。"Therewere，ofcourse，somebattlesfoughtduringhisreign，"saidHarvey，"butIfancytheaccountsofthemweremuchexaggerated；newswasveryunreliableinthosedays，andtherewerepracticallynowarcorrespondents，sogeneralsandcommanderscouldmagnifyeverylittleskirmishtheyengagedintilltheyreachedtheproportionsofdecisivebattles。Louiswasreallyfamous，now，asalandscapegardener；thewayhelaidoutVersailleswassomuchadmiredthatitwascopiedalloverEurope。"
　　"DoyouknowanythingaboutMadameDuBarry？"askedEric；"didn'tshehaveherheadchoppedoff？"
　　"Shewasanothergreatloverofgardening，"saidHarvey，evasively；
　　"infact，IbelievethewellknownroseDuBarrywasnamedafterher，andnowIthinkyouhadbetterplayforalittleandleaveyourlessonstilllater。"
　　Harveyretreatedtothelibraryandspentsomethirtyorfortyminutesinwonderingwhetheritwouldbepossibletocompileahistory，foruseinelementaryschools，inwhichthereshouldbenoprominentmentionofbattles，massacres，murderousintrigues，andviolentdeaths。TheYorkandLancasterperiodandtheNapoleonicerawould，headmittedtohimself，presentconsiderabledifficulties，andtheThirtyYears'Warwouldentailsomethingofagapifyouleftitoutaltogether。Still，itwouldbesomethinggainedif，atahighlyimpressionableage，childrencouldbegottofixtheirattentionontheinventionofcalicoprintinginsteadoftheSpanishArmadaortheBattleofWaterloo。
　　Itwastime，hethought，togobacktotheboys'room，andseehowtheyweregettingonwiththeirpeacetoys。AshestoodoutsidethedoorhecouldhearEric'svoiceraisedincommand；Bertiechimedinnowandagainwithahelpfulsuggestion。
　　"ThatisLouistheFourteenth，"Ericwassaying，"thatoneinknee-
　　breeches，thatUnclesaidinventedSundayschools。Itisn'tabitlikehim，butit'llhavetodo。"
　　"We'llgivehimapurplecoatfrommypaintboxbyandby，"saidBertie。
　　"Yes，an'redheels。ThatisMadamedeMaintenon，thatonehecalledMrs。Hemans。ShebegsLouisnottogoonthisexpedition，butheturnsadeafear。HetakesMarshalSaxewithhim，andwemustpretendthattheyhavethousandsofmenwiththem。ThewatchwordisQuivive？andtheanswerisL'etatc'estmoi——thatwasoneofhisfavouriteremarks，youknow。TheylandatManchesterinthedeadofthenight，andaJacobiteconspiratorgivesthemthekeysofthefortress。"
　　PeepinginthroughthedoorwayHarveyobservedthatthemunicipaldustbinhadbeenpiercedwithholestoaccommodatethemuzzlesofimaginarycannon，andnowrepresentedtheprincipalfortifiedpositioninManchester；JohnStuartMillhadbeendippedinredink，andapparentlystoodforMarshalSaxe。
　　"LouisordershistroopstosurroundtheYoungWomen'sChristianAssociationandseizethelotofthem。'OncebackattheLouvreandthegirlsaremine，'heexclaims。WemustuseMrs。Hemansagainforoneofthegirls；shesays'Never，'andstabsMarshalSaxetotheheart。"
　　"Hebleedsdreadfully，"exclaimedBertie，splashingredinkliberallyoverthefacadeoftheAssociationbuilding。
　　"Thesoldiersrushinandavengehisdeathwiththeutmostsavagery。
　　Ahundredgirlsarekilled"——hereBertieemptiedtheremainderoftheredinkoverthedevotedbuilding——"andthesurvivingfivehundredaredraggedofftotheFrenchships。'IhavelostaMarshal，'saysLouis，'butIdonotgobackempty-handed。'"
　　Harveystoleawayfromtheroom，andsoughtouthissister。
　　"Eleanor，"hesaid，"theexperiment——"
　　"Yes？"
　　"Hasfailed。Wehavebeguntoolate。"
　　LOUISE
　　"Theteawillbequitecold，you'dbetterringforsomemore，"saidtheDowagerLadyBeanford。
　　SusanLadyBeanfordwasavigorousoldwomanwhohadcoquettedwithimaginaryill-healthforthegreaterpartofalifetime；ClovisSangrailirreverentlydeclaredthatshehadcaughtachillattheCoronationofQueenVictoriaandhadneverletitgoagain。Hersister，JaneThropplestance，whowassomeyearsherjunior，waschieflyremarkableforbeingthemostabsent-mindedwomaninMiddlesex。
　　"I'vereallybeenunusuallycleverthisafternoon，"sheremarkedgaily，assherangforthetea。"I'vecalledonallthepeopleI
　　meanttocallon；andI'vedonealltheshoppingthatIsetouttodo。IevenrememberedtotryandmatchthatsilkforyouatHarrod's，butI'dforgottentobringthepatternwithme，soitwasnouse。IreallythinkthatwastheonlyimportantthingIforgotduringthewholeafternoon。Quitewonderfulforme，isn'tit？"
　　"WhathaveyoudonewithLouise？"askedhersister。"Didn'tyoutakeheroutwithyou？Yousaidyouweregoingto。"
　　"Goodgracious，"exclaimedJane，"whathaveIdonewithLouise？I
　　musthavelefthersomewhere。"
　　"Butwhere？"
　　"That'sjustit。WherehaveIlefther？Ican'trememberiftheCarrywoodswereathomeorifIjustleftcards。IftherewereathomeImayhaveleftLouisetheretoplaybridge。I'llgoandtelephonetoLordCarrywoodandfindout。"
　　"Isthatyou，LordCarrywood？"shequeriedoverthetelephone；"it'sme，JaneThropplestance。Iwanttoknow，haveyouseenLouise？"
　　"'Louise，'"cametheanswer，"it'sbeenmyfatetoseeitthreetimes。Atfirst，Imustadmit，Iwasn'timpressedbyit，butthemusicgrowsononeafterabit。Still，Idon'tthinkIwanttoseeitagainjustatpresent。Wereyougoingtooffermeaseatinyourbox？"
　　"Nottheopera'Louise'——myniece，LouiseThropplestance。IthoughtImighthaveleftheratyourhouse。"
　　"Youleftcardsonusthisafternoon，Iunderstand，butIdon'tthinkyouleftaniece。Thefootmanwouldhavebeensuretohavementioneditifyouhad。Isitgoingtobeafashiontoleaveniecesonpeopleaswellascards？Ihopenot；someofthesehousesinBerkeley-squarehavepracticallynoaccommodationforthatsortofthing。"
　　"She'snotattheCarrywoods'，"announcedJane，returningtohertea；"nowIcometothinkofit，perhapsIleftheratthesilkcounteratSelfridge's。ImayhavetoldhertowaitthereamomentwhileIwenttolookatthesilksinabetterlight，andImayeasilyhaveforgottenaboutherwhenIfoundIhadn'tyourpatternwithme。Inthatcaseshe'sstillsittingthere。Shewouldn'tmoveunlessshewastoldto；Louisehasnoinitiative。"
　　"YousaidyoutriedtomatchthesilkatHarrod's，"interjectedthedowager。
　　"DidI？PerhapsitwasHarrod's。Ireallydon'tremember。Itwasoneofthoseplaceswhereeveryoneissokindandsympatheticanddevotedthatonealmosthatestotakeevenareelofcottonawayfromsuchpleasantsurroundings。"
　　"IthinkyoumighthavetakenLouiseaway。Idon'tliketheideaofherbeingthereamongalotofstrangers。Supposingsomeunprincipledpersonwastogetintoconversationwithher。"
　　"Impossible。Louisehasnoconversation。I'veneverdiscoveredasingletopiconwhichshe'danythingtosaybeyond'Doyouthinkso？
　　Idaresayyou'reright。'IreallythoughtherreticenceaboutthefalloftheRibotMinistrywasridiculous，consideringhowmuchherdearmotherusedtovisitParis。Thisbreadandbutteriscutfartoothin；itcrumblesawaylongbeforeyoucangetittoyourmouth。
　　Onefeelssoabsurd，snappingatone'sfoodinmid-air，likeatroutleapingatmay-fly。"
　　"Iamrathersurprised，"saidthedowager，"thatyoucansittheremakingaheartyteawhenyou'vejustlostafavouriteniece。"
　　"YoutalkasifI'dlostherinachurchyardsense，insteadofhavingtemporarilymislaidher。I'msuretorememberpresentlywhereIlefther。"
　　"Youdidn'tvisitanyplaceofdevotion，didyou？Ifyou'velefthermooningaboutWestminsterAbbeyorSt。Peter's，EatonSquare，withoutbeingabletogiveanysatisfactoryreasonwhyshe'sthere，she'llbeseizedundertheCatandMouseActandsenttoReginaldMcKenna。"
　　"Thatwouldbeextremelyawkward，"saidJane，meetinganirresolutepieceofbreadandbutterhalfway；"wehardlyknowtheMcKennas，anditwouldbeverytiresomehavingtotelephonetosomeunsympatheticprivatesecretary，describingLouisetohimandaskingtohavehersentbackintimefordinner。Fortunately，Ididn'tgotoanyplaceofdevotion，thoughIdidgetmixedupwithaSalvationArmyprocession。Itwasquiteinterestingtobeatclosequarterswiththem，they'resoabsolutelydifferenttowhattheyusedtobewhenI
　　firstremembertheminthe'eighties。Theyusedtogoaboutthenunkemptanddishevelled，inasortofsmilingragewiththeworld，andnowthey'respruceandjauntyandflamboyantlydecorative，likeageraniumbedwithreligiousconvictions。LauraKettlewaywasgoingonaboutthemintheliftoftheDoverStreetTubetheotherday，sayingwhatalotofgoodworktheydid，andwhatalossitwouldhavebeenifthey'dneverexisted。'Iftheyhadneverexisted，'Isaid，'GranvilleBarkerwouldhavebeencertaintohaveinventedsomethingthatlookedexactlylikethem。'Ifyousaythingslikethat，quiteloud，inaTubelift，theyalwayssoundlikeepigrams。"
　　"IthinkyououghttodosomethingaboutLouise，"saidthedowager。
　　"I'mtryingtothinkwhethershewaswithmewhenIcalledonAdaSpelvexit。Iratherenjoyedmyselfthere。Adawastrying，asusual，toramthatodiousKoriatoffskiwomandownmythroat，knowingperfectlywellthatIdetesther，andinanunguardedmomentshesaid：'She'sleavingherpresenthouseandgoingtoLowerSeymourStreet。''Idaresayshewill，ifshestaystherelongenough，'I
　　said。Adadidn'tseeitforaboutthreeminutes，andthenshewaspositivelyuncivil。No，IamcertainIdidn'tleaveLouisethere。"
　　"IfyoucouldmanagetorememberwhereyouDIDleaveher，itwouldbemoretothepointthanthesenegativeassurances，"saidLadyBeanford；"sofar，allweknowisthatsheisnotattheCarrywoods'，orAdaSpelvexit's，orWestminsterAbbey。"
　　"Thatnarrowsthesearchdownabit，"saidJanehopefully；"IratherfancyshemusthavebeenwithmewhenIwenttoMornay's。IknowI
　　wenttoMornay's，becauseIremembermeetingthatdelightfulMalcolmWhat's-his-namethere——youknowwhomImean。That'sthegreatadvantageofpeoplehavingunusualfirstnames，youneedn'ttryandrememberwhattheirothernameis。OfcourseIknowoneortwootherMalcolms，butnonethatcouldpossiblybedescribedasdelightful。HegavemetwoticketsfortheHappySundayEveningsinSloaneSquare。I'veprobablyleftthematMornay's，butstillitwasawfullykindofhimtogivethemtome。"
　　"DoyouthinkyouleftLouisethere？"
　　"Imighttelephoneandask。Oh，Robert，beforeyouclearthetea-
　　thingsawayIwishyou'dringupMornay's，inRegentStreet，andaskifIlefttwotheatreticketsandonenieceintheirshopthisafternoon。"
　　"Aniece，ma'am？"askedthefootman。
　　"Yes，MissLouisedidn'tcomehomewithme，andI'mnotsurewhereI
　　lefther。"
　　"MissLouisehasbeenupstairsalltheafternoon，ma'am，readingtothesecondkitchenmaid，whohastheneuralgia。ItookupteatoMissLouiseataquartertofiveo'clock，ma'am。"
　　"Ofcourse，howsillyofme。Iremembernow，IaskedhertoreadtheFaerieQueenetopoorEmma，totrytosendhertosleep。I
　　alwaysgetsomeonetoreadtheFaerieQueenetomewhenIhaveneuralgia，anditusuallysendsmetosleep。Louisedoesn'tseemtohavebeensuccessful，butonecan'tsayshehasn'ttried。Iexpectafterthefirsthourorsothekitchenmaidwouldratherhavebeenleftalonewithherneuralgia，butofcourseLouisewouldn'tleaveofftillsomeonetoldherto。Anyhow，youcanringupMornay's，Robert，andaskwhetherIlefttwotheatreticketsthere。Exceptforyoursilk，Susan，thoseseemtobetheonlythingsI'veforgottenthisafternoon。Quitewonderfulforme。"
　　TEA
　　JamesCushat-Prinklywasayoungmanwhohadalwayshadasettledconvictionthatoneofthesedayshewouldmarry；uptotheageofthirty-fourhehaddonenothingtojustifythatconviction。Helikedandadmiredagreatmanywomencollectivelyanddispassionatelywithoutsinglingoutoneforespecialmatrimonialconsideration，justasonemightadmiretheAlpswithoutfeelingthatonewantedanyparticularpeakasone'sownprivateproperty。
　　Hislackofinitiativeinthismatterarousedacertainamountofimpatienceamongthesentimentally-mindedwomen-folkofhishomecircle；hismother，hissisters，anaunt-in-residence，andtwoorthreeintimatematronlyfriendsregardedhisdilatoryapproachtothemarriedstatewithadisapprovalthatwasfarfrombeinginarticulate。Hismostinnocentflirtationswerewatchedwiththestrainingeagernesswhichagroupofunexercisedterriersconcentratesontheslightestmovementsofahumanbeingwhomaybereasonablyconsideredlikelytotakethemforawalk。Nodecent-
　　souledmortalcanlongresistthepleadingofseveralpairsofwalk-
　　beseechingdog-eyes；JamesCushat-Prinklywasnotsufficientlyobstinateorindifferenttohomeinfluencestodisregardtheobviouslyexpressedwishofhisfamilythatheshouldbecomeenamouredofsomenicemarriageablegirl，andwhenhisUncleJulesdepartedthislifeandbequeathedhimacomfortablelittlelegacyitreallyseemedthecorrectthingtodotosetaboutdiscoveringsomeonetoshareitwithhim。Theprocessofdiscoverywascarriedonmorebytheforceofsuggestionandtheweightofpublicopinionthanbyanyinitiativeofhisown；aclearworkingmajorityofhisfemalerelativesandtheaforesaidmatronlyfriendshadpitchedonJoanSebastableasthemostsuitableyoungwomaninhisrangeofacquaintancetowhomhemightproposemarriage，andJamesbecamegraduallyaccustomedtotheideathatheandJoanwouldgotogetherthroughtheprescribedstagesofcongratulations，present-receiving，NorwegianorMediterraneanhotels，andeventualdomesticity。Itwasnecessary，howevertoasktheladywhatshethoughtaboutthematter；thefamilyhadsofarconductedanddirectedtheflirtationwithabilityanddiscretion，buttheactualproposalwouldhavetobeanindividualeffort。
　　Cushat-PrinklywalkedacrosstheParktowardstheSebastableresidenceinaframeofmindthatwasmoderatelycomplacent。Asthethingwasgoingtobedonehewasgladtofeelthathewasgoingtogetitsettledandoffhismindthatafternoon。Proposingmarriage，eventoanicegirllikeJoan，wasaratherirksomebusiness，butonecouldnothaveahoneymooninMinorcaandasubsequentlifeofmarriedhappinesswithoutsuchpreliminary。HewonderedwhatMinorcawasreallylikeasaplacetostopin；inhismind'seyeitwasanislandinperpetualhalf-mourning，withblackorwhiteMinorcahensrunningalloverit。Probablyitwouldnotbeabitlikethatwhenonecametoexamineit。PeoplewhohadbeeninRussiahadtoldhimthattheydidnotrememberhavingseenanyMuscovyducksthere，soitwaspossiblethattherewouldbenoMinorcafowlsontheisland。
　　HisMediterraneanmusingswereinterruptedbythesoundofaclockstrikingthehalf-hour。Half-pastfour。Afrownofdissatisfactionsettledonhisface。HewouldarriveattheSebastablemansionjustatthehourofafternoontea。Joanwouldbeseatedatalowtable，spreadwithanarrayofsilverkettlesandcream-jugsanddelicateporcelaintea-cups，behindwhichhervoicewouldtinklepleasantlyinaseriesoflittlefriendlyquestionsaboutweakorstrongtea，howmuch，ifany，sugar，milk，cream，andsoforth。"Isitonelump？Iforgot。Youdotakemilk，don'tyou？Wouldyoulikesomemorehotwater，ifit'stoostrong？"
　　Cushat-Prinklyhadreadofsuchthingsinscoresofnovels，andhundredsofactualexperienceshadtoldhimthattheyweretruetolife。Thousandsofwomen，atthissolemnafternoonhour，weresittingbehinddaintyporcelainandsilverfittings，withtheirvoicestinklingpleasantlyinacascadeofsolicitouslittlequestions。Cushat-Prinklydetestedthewholesystemofafternoontea。Accordingtohistheoryoflifeawomanshouldlieonadivanorcouch，talkingwithincomparablecharmorlookingunutterablethoughts，ormerelysilentasathingtobelookedon，andfrombehindasilkencurtainasmallNubianpageshouldsilentlybringinatraywithcupsanddainties，tobeacceptedsilently，asamatterofcourse，withoutdrawn-outchatteraboutcreamandsugarandhotwater。Ifone'ssoulwasreallyenslavedatone'smistress'sfeethowcouldonetalkcoherentlyaboutweakenedtea？Cushat-Prinklyhadneverexpoundedhisviewsonthesubjecttohismother；allherlifeshehadbeenaccustomedtotinklepleasantlyattea-timebehinddaintyporcelainandsilver，andifhehadspokentoheraboutdivansandNubianpagesshewouldhaveurgedhimtotakeaweek'sholidayattheseaside。Now，ashepassedthroughatangleofsmallstreetsthatledindirectlytotheelegantMayfairterraceforwhichhewasbound，ahorrorattheideaofconfrontingJoanSebastableathertea-tableseizedonhim。Amomentarydeliverancepresenteditself；ononefloorofanarrowlittlehouseatthenoisierendofEsquimaultStreetlivedRhodaEllam，asortofremotecousin，whomadealivingbycreatinghatsoutofcostlymaterials。ThehatsreallylookedasiftheyhadcomefromParis；thechequesshegotforthemunfortunatelyneverlookedasiftheyweregoingtoParis。
　　However，Rhodaappearedtofindlifeamusingandtohaveafairlygoodtimeinspiteofherstraitenedcircumstances。Cushat-Prinklydecidedtoclimbuptoherflooranddeferbyhalf-an-hourorsotheimportantbusinesswhichlaybeforehim；byspinningouthisvisithecouldcontrivetoreachtheSebastablemansionafterthelastvestigesofdaintyporcelainhadbeenclearedaway。
　　Rhodawelcomedhimintoaroomthatseemedtododutyasworkshop，sitting-room，andkitchencombined，andtobewonderfullycleanandcomfortableatthesametime。
　　"I'mhavingapicnicmeal，"sheannounced。"There'scaviareinthatjaratyourelbow。Beginonthatbrownbread-and-butterwhileIcutsomemore。Findyourselfacup；theteapotisbehindyou。Nowtellmeabouthundredsofthings。"
　　Shemadenootherallusiontofood，buttalkedamusinglyandmadehervisitortalkamusinglytoo。Atthesametimeshecutthebread-
　　and-butterwithamasterlyskillandproducedredpepperandslicedlemon，wheresomanywomenwouldmerelyhaveproducedreasonsandregretsfornothavingany。Cushat-PrinklyfoundthathewasenjoyinganexcellentteawithouthavingtoanswerasmanyquestionsaboutitasaMinisterforAgriculturemightbecalledontoreplytoduringanoutbreakofcattleplague。
　　"Andnowtellmewhyyouhavecometoseeme，"saidRhodasuddenly。
　　"Youarousenotmerelymycuriositybutmybusinessinstincts。I
　　hopeyou'vecomeabouthats。Iheardthatyouhadcomeintoalegacytheotherday，and，ofcourse，itstruckmethatitwouldbeabeautifulanddesirablethingforyoutocelebratetheeventbybuyingbrilliantlyexpensivehatsforallyoursisters。Theymaynothavesaidanythingaboutit，butIfeelsurethesameideahasoccurredtothem。Ofcourse，withGoodwoodonus，Iamratherrushedjustnow，butinmybusinesswe'reaccustomedtothat；weliveinaseriesofrushes——liketheinfantMoses。"
　　"Ididn'tcomeabouthats，"saidhervisitor。"Infact，Idon'tthinkIreallycameaboutanything。IwaspassingandIjustthoughtI'dlookinandseeyou。SinceI'vebeensittingtalkingtoyou，however，ratherimportantideahasoccurredtome。Ifyou'llforgetGoodwoodforamomentandlistentome，I'lltellyouwhatitis。"
　　SomefortyminuteslaterJamesCushat-Prinklyreturnedtothebosomofhisfamily，bearinganimportantpieceofnews。
　　"I'mengagedtobemarried，"heannounced。
　　Arapturousoutbreakofcongratulationandself-applausebrokeout。
　　"Ah，weknew！Wesawitcoming！Weforetolditweeksago！"
　　"I'llbetyoudidn't，"saidCushat-Prinkly。"Ifanyonehadtoldmeatlunch-timeto-daythatIwasgoingtoaskRhodaEllamtomarrymeandthatshewasgoingtoacceptmeIwouldhavelaughedattheidea。"
　　TheromanticsuddennessoftheaffairinsomemeasurecompensatedJames'swomen-folkfortheruthlessnegationofalltheirpatienteffortandskilleddiplomacy。Itwasrathertryingtohavetodeflecttheirenthusiasmatamoment'snoticefromJoanSebastabletoRhodaEllam；but，afterall，itwasJames'swifewhowasinquestion，andhistasteshadsomeclaimtobeconsidered。
　　OnaSeptemberafternoonofthesameyear，afterthehoneymooninMinorcahadended，Cushat-Prinklycameintothedrawing-roomofhisnewhouseinGranchesterSquare。Rhodawasseatedatalowtable，behindaserviceofdaintyporcelainandgleamingsilver。Therewasapleasanttinklingnoteinhervoiceasshehandedhimacup。
　　"Youlikeitweakerthanthat，don'tyou？ShallIputsomemorehotwatertoit？No？"
　　THEDISAPPEARANCEOFCRISPINAUMBERLEIGH
　　Inafirst-classcarriageofatrainspeedingBalkanwardacrosstheflat，greenHungarianplaintwoBritonssatinfriendly，fitfulconverse。Theyhadfirstforegatheredinthecoldgreydawnatthefrontierline，wherethepresidingeagletakesonanextraheadandTeutonlandspassfromHohenzollerntoHabsburgkeeping——andwhereaprobingofficialbeakrequirestodelveinpoliteandperhapsperfunctory，butalwaystiresome，mannerintothebaggageofsleep-
　　hungrypassengers。Afteraday'sbreakoftheirjourneyatViennathetravellershadagainforegatheredatthetrainsideandpaidoneanotherthecomplimentofsettlinginstinctivelyintothesamecarriage。Theelderofthetwohadtheappearanceandmannerofadiplomat；inpointoffacthewasthewell-connectedfoster-brotherofawinebusiness。Theotherwascertainlyajournalist。Neithermanwastalkativeandeachwasgratefultotheotherfornotbeingtalkative。Thatiswhyfromtimetotimetheytalked。
　　Onetopicofconversationnaturallythrustitselfforwardinfrontofallothers。InViennathepreviousdaytheyhadlearnedofthemysteriousvanishingofaworld-famouspicturefromthewallsoftheLouvre。
　　"Adramaticdisappearanceofthatsortissuretoproduceacropofimitations，"saidtheJournalist。
　　"Ithashadalotofanticipations，forthematterofthat，"saidtheWine-brother。
　　"Oh，ofcoursetherehavebeentheftsfromtheLouvrebefore。"
　　"Iwasthinkingofthespiritingawayofhumanbeingsratherthanpictures。InparticularIwasthinkingofthecaseofmyaunt，CrispinaUmberleigh。"
　　"Irememberhearingsomethingoftheaffair，"saidtheJournalist，"butIwasawayfromEnglandatthetime。Ineverquiteknewwhatwassupposedtohavehappened。"
　　"Youmayhearwhatreallyhappenedifyouwillrespectitasaconfidence，"saidtheWineMerchant。"InthefirstplaceImaysaythatthedisappearanceofMrs。Umberleighwasnotregardedbythefamilyentirelyasabereavement。Myuncle，EdwardUmberleigh，wasnotbyanymeansaweak-kneedindividual，infactintheworldofpoliticshehadtobereckonedwithmoreorlessasastrongman，buthewasunmistakablydominatedbyCrispina；indeedInevermetanyhumanbeingwhowasnotfrozenintosubjectionwhenbroughtintoprolongedcontactwithher。Somepeopleareborntocommand；
　　CrispinaMrs。Umberleighwasborntolegislate，codify，administrate，censor，license，ban，execute，andsitinjudgementgenerally。Ifshewasnotbornwiththatdestinysheadopteditatanearlyage。Fromthekitchenregionsupwardseveryoneinthehouseholdcameunderherdespoticswayandstayedtherewiththesubmissivenessofmolluscsinvolvedinaglacialepoch。Asanephewonafootingofonlyoccasionalvisitssheaffectedmemerelyasanepidemic，disagreeablewhileitlasted，butwithoutanypermanenteffect；butherownsonsanddaughtersstoodinmortalaweofher；
　　theirstudies，friendships，diet，amusements，religiousobservances，andwayofdoingtheirhairwereallregulatedandordainedaccordingtotheaugustlady'swillandpleasure。Thiswillhelpyoutounderstandthesensationofstupefactionwhichwascausedinthefamilywhensheunobtrusivelyandinexplicablyvanished。ItwasasthoughSt。Paul'sCathedralorthePiccadillyHotelhaddisappearedinthenight，leavingnothingbutanopenspacetomarkwhereithadstood。Asfaraswasknownnothingwastroublingher；
　　infacttherewasmuchbeforehertomakelifeparticularlywellworthliving。Theyoungestboyhadcomebackfromschoolwithanunsatisfactoryreport，andshewastohavesatinjudgementonhimtheveryafternoonofthedayshedisappeared——ifithadbeenhewhohadvanishedinahurryonecouldhavesuppliedthemotive。Thenshewasinthemiddleofanewspapercorrespondencewitharuraldeaninwhichshehadalreadyprovedhimguiltyofheresy，inconsistency，andunworthyquibbling，andnoordinaryconsiderationwouldhaveinducedhertodiscontinuethecontroversy。Ofcoursethematterwasputinthehandsofthepolice，butasfaraspossibleitwaskeptoutofthepapers，andthegenerallyacceptedexplanationofherwithdrawalfromhersocialcirclewasthatshehadgoneintoanursinghome。"
　　"Andwhatwastheimmediateeffectonthehomecircle？"askedtheJournalist。
　　"Allthegirlsboughtthemselvesbicycles；thefemininecyclingcrazewasstillinexistence，andCrispinahadrigidlyvetoedanyparticipationinitamongthemembersofherhousehold。Theyoungestboylethimselfgotosuchanextentduringhisnexttermthatithadtobehislastasfarasthatparticularestablishmentwasconcerned。Theelderboyspropoundedatheorythattheirmothermightbewanderingsomewhereabroad，andsearchedforherassiduously，chiefly，itmustbeadmitted，inaclassofMontmartreresortwhereitwasextremelyimprobablethatshewouldbefound。"
　　"Andallthiswhilecouldn'tyourunclegetholdoftheleastclue？"
　　"Asamatteroffacthehadreceivedsomeinformation，thoughofcourseIdidnotknowofitatthetime。Hegotamessageonedaytellinghimthathiswifehadbeenkidnappedandsmuggledoutofthecountry；shewassaidtobehiddenaway，inoneoftheislandsoffthecoastofNorwayIthinkitwas，incomfortablesurroundingsandwellcaredfor。Andwiththeinformationcameademandformoney；alumpsumof2000poundswastobepaidyearly。Failingthisshewouldbeimmediatelyrestoredtoherfamily。"
　　TheJournalistwassilentforamoment，andthembegantolaughquietly。
　　"Itwascertainlyaninvertedformofholdingtoransom，"hesaid。
　　"Ifyouhadknownmyaunt，"saidtheWineMerchant，"youwouldhavewonderedthattheydidn'tputthefigurehigher。"
　　"Irealisethetemptation。Didyourunclesuccumbtoit？"
　　"Well，yousee，hehadtothinkofothersaswellashimself。ForthefamilytohavegonebackintotheCrispinathraldomafterhavingtastedthedelightsoflibertywouldhavebeenatragedy，andtherewereevenwiderconsiderationstobetakenintoaccount。Sincehisbereavementhehadunconsciouslytakenupafarbolderandmoreinitiatorylineinpublicaffairs，andhispopularityandinfluencehadincreasedcorrespondingly。Frombeingmerelyastrongmaninthepoliticalworldhebegantobespokenofasthestrongman。AllthisheknewwouldbejeopardisedifheoncemoredroppedintothesocialpositionofthehusbandofMrs。Umberleigh。Hewasarichman，andthe2000poundsayear，thoughnotexactlyafleabite，didnotseemanextravagantpricetopayfortheboarding-outofCrispina。Ofcourse，hehadseverequalmsofconscienceaboutthearrangement。Lateron，whenhetookmeintohisconfidence，hetoldmethatinpayingtheransom，orhush-moneyasIshouldhavecalledit，hewaspartlyinfluencedbythefearthatifherefuseditthekidnappersmighthaveventedtheirrageanddisappointmentontheircaptive。Itwasbetter，hesaid，tothinkofherbeingwellcaredforasahighly-valuedpaying-guestinoneoftheLofodenIslandsthantohaveherstrugglingmiserablyhomeinamaimedandmutilatedcondition。Anywayhepaidtheyearlyinstalmentaspunctuallyasonepaysafireinsurance，andwithequalpromptitudetherewouldcomeanacknowledgmentofthemoneyandabriefstatementtotheeffectthatCrispinawasingoodhealthandfairlycheerfulspirits。
　　OnereportevenmentionedthatshewasbusyingherselfwithaschemeforproposedreformsinChurchmanagementtobepressedonthelocalpastorate。Anotherspokeofarheumaticattackandajourneytoa'cure'onthemainland，andonthatoccasionanadditionaleightypoundswasdemandedandconceded。Ofcourseitwastotheinterestofthekidnapperstokeeptheirchargeingoodhealth，butthesecrecywithwhichtheymanagedtoshroudtheirarrangementsarguedareallywonderfulorganisation。Ifmyunclewaspayingaratherhighprice，atleasthecouldconsolehimselfwiththereflectionthathewaspayingspecialists'fees。"
　　"Meanwhilehadthepolicegivenupallattemptstotrackthemissinglady？"askedtheJournalist。
　　"Notentirely；theycametomyunclefromtimetotimetoreportonclueswhichtheythoughtmightyieldsomeelucidationastoherfateorwhereabouts，butIthinktheyhadtheirsuspicionsthathewaspossessedofmoreinformationthanhehadputattheirdisposal。
　　Andthen，afteradisappearanceofmorethaneightyears，Crispinareturnedwithdramaticsuddennesstothehomeshehadleftsomysteriously。"
　　"Shehadgivenhercaptorstheslip？"
　　"Shehadneverbeencaptured。Herwanderingawayhadbeencausedbyasuddenandcompletelossofmemory。Sheusuallydressedratherinthestyleofasuperiorkindofcharwoman，anditwasnotsoverysurprisingthatsheshouldhaveimaginedthatshewasone；andstilllessthatpeopleshouldacceptherstatementandhelphertogetwork。ShehadwanderedasfarafieldasBirmingham，andfoundfairlysteadyemploymentthere，herenergyandenthusiasminputtingpeople'sroomsinordercounterbalancingherobstinateanddomineeringcharacteristics。Itwastheshockofbeingpatronisinglyaddressedas'mygoodwoman'byacurate，whowasdisputingwithherwherethestoveshouldbeplacedinaparishconcerthallthatledtothesuddenrestorationofhermemory。'I
　　thinkyouforgetwhoyouarespeakingto，'sheobservedcrushingly，whichwasratherundulysevere，consideringshehadonlyjustremembereditherself。"
　　"But，"exclaimedtheJournalist，"theLofodenIslandpeople！Whohadtheygotholdof？"
　　"Apurelymythicalprisoner。Itwasanattemptinthefirstplacebysomeonewhoknewsomethingofthedomesticsituation，probablyadischargedvalet，tobluffalumpsumoutofEdwardUmberleighbeforethemissingwomanturnedup；thesubsequentyearlyinstalmentswereanunlooked-forincrementtotheoriginalhaul。
　　"Crispinafoundthattheeightyears'interregnumhadmateriallyweakenedherascendancyoverhernowgrown-upoffspring。Herhusband，however，neveraccomplishedanythinggreatinthepoliticalworldafterherreturn；thestrainoftryingtoaccountsatisfactorilyforanunspecifiedexpenditureofsixteenthousandpoundsspreadovereightyearssufficientlyoccupiedhismentalenergies。HereisBelgradandanothercustomhouse。"
　　THEWOLVESOFCERNOGRATZ
　　"Aretheyanyoldlegendsattachedtothecastle？"askedConradofhissister。ConradwasaprosperousHamburgmerchant，buthewastheonepoetically-dispositionedmemberofaneminentlypracticalfamily。
　　TheBaronessGruebelshruggedherplumpshoulders。
　　"Therearealwayslegendshangingabouttheseoldplaces。Theyarenotdifficulttoinventandtheycostnothing。Inthiscasethereisastorythatwhenanyonediesinthecastleallthedogsinthevillageandthewildbeastsinforesthowlthenightlong。Itwouldnotbepleasanttolistento，wouldit？"
　　"Itwouldbeweirdandromantic，"saidtheHamburgmerchant。